Song of the Week

"Bread and Butter" - The Newbeats
I can't believe it's been 50 years since this pop classic took the music world by storm. I'm even more surprised that it has never been an SOTW before.
Were these guys midgets? They look very short to me.

Don't Anger Hunter Pence

Some creative (vindictive?) Mets fan decided to taunt Hunter Pence when the Giants came to town.
They came to the ballpark with a bunch of creative signs:

"Hunter Pence Puts Ketchup On His Hot Dog"

I prefer to eat my dogs plain. But if I had to use a condiment I would much prefer ketchup to mustard.

Insult rating (on the Don Rickles scale):

"Hunter Pence Eats Pizza With a Fork"

This is a more serious one, but it's worse for the Mayor of New York City than it is for an outfielder from Texas

Insult rating:

"Hunter Pence Can't Parallel Park"

Not funny.

Insult Rating:

"Hunter Pence Likes Godfather 3"

Probably the worst thing you can say about a person's character and judgment.

Insult rating:

But Pence had the last laugh as the Giants won 3 out of 4 and Pence went 6 of 18 with 2 doubles, 2 triples, 2 home runs and 7 RBI for a slash line of .333/.368/1.000.

Not When I Was There

Syracuse University tops Princeton Review's list of Party Schools for 2014.
According to the Princeton Review website, “Schools on the ‘Party Schools’ list are those at which surveyed students’ answers indicated a combination of low personal daily study hours (outside of class), high usages of alcohol and drugs on campus, and high popularity on campus of frats/sororities.”
Legend has it that SU made this list once before in the early-90s which led to a crackdown by the University to avoid this label.
I'm glad to see the school is making a comeback and that the young people who choose to matriculate there are enjoying themselves. But I really thought Greek life was a negative and divisive influence on campus as I detailed in my famous letter to the DO.
I was surprised to see SU ranked #3 of 379 schools in terms of sports scenes. Again, not when I was there. During my time on campus I remember hearing that fewer than 2,000 students had basketball season tickets. A recent run of success, and a National Championship in 2003 (which probably set many current students on the path to SU) certainly have meant a lot for the basketball team, but football, not so much.
But it's nice to see my old alma getting some positive national attention.

Thanks to TON for the suggestion

I'm A Douche

This morning when I went to the bathroom for the first time at work, I couldn't get my dick out. I had put my undershorts on backwards. Didn't feel any different though.

Song of the Week

"Earth Angel" - The Penguins
We're back celebrating great music of days gone by. This classic was a hit 60 years ago. And 30 years after that it was featured in "Back to the Future" as the song that was playing when George and Lorraine kissed and fell in love at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance. And the soundtrack featured a version recorded by Marvin Berry and the Starlighters.

I Once Got Busy in a Burger King Bathroom

A romantic night turned hot and spicy when a couple was caught allegedly having sex on a Chipotle roof in Delaware Saturday.
Michael Suh, 38, and Nicole Germack, 27, were arrested after an officer observed them engaging in sexual intercourse on the front of the roof of the Chipotle restaurant on the 100 block of East Main Street, Newark Police said in a press release.

The officer advised the couple to stop having sex, but they continued for almost 20 seconds, according to authorities.
When they finally stopped, they fled from the roof and into Suh's apartment a few feet away, said police.
The couple was placed under arrest inside the home. Both were released after paying $1,800.
Suh and Germack are facing multiple charges including lewdness and resisting arrest. It was not immediately clear if either had obtained an attorney.

3000 Words

Not only is this a weird picture of Kris Jenner and a giant handbag, there's a girl in the background with her face pressed up against the glass.

This is the picture (from a 1976 edition of National Geographic) that Lorde claims gave her the inspiration for the title and hook of "Royals." (SOTW, 10/23/23)

A row of hearses carries the bodies of the victims of the Malaysia Air Flight 17 attack:

Song of the Week

"Sail" - AWOLNation
Happy Birthday Juice (a few days early)!

The Most Interesting Telephone Pole in the World

Diesel in Maine in 2007:



Diesel in Maine in 2008:


Diesel in Maine in 2009:


Diesel in Maine in 2010:


Diesel in Maine in 2011:

Diesel in Maine in 2012

Diesel in Maine in 2013

Diesel in Maine in 2014:

The Russian Jean Valjean

I experienced a very disturbing situation this weekend, which leads me to question the direction our country is going in, but before I can explain it, you need to understand a little bit about Family Day.
Where I live we are part of a homeowners' association. It is not gated, the houses don't all look the same, but we all pay dues, follow rules and almost all the homes are adjacent to one of the three parks.
The elementary school is located on one of the parks. The neighborhood kids go to school together, then playgroup (half-day summer camp for kids kindergarten-6th grade), they play, swim and work together. This fosters an incredible sense of community. Several people we know grew up there as kids and came back to raise their own families.
One day in summer is called Family Day, it starts in the morning with activities for kids like pony rides, inflatable slides (include a water slide), carnival games (with prizes), spin art and face-painting.
It is a completely open event. The pool is open all day to everyone, IDs are not checked, guest fees are not charged. Everything is paid for by the association. All that we ask is that parents (including residents) buy their children a wristband for $15 for access to all the above mentioned attractions plus cotton candy and sno-cones.
The pony rides and the bigger inflatable slide were manned by employees of the respective companies and they were turning away kids without wristbands.

But the rest of the things, like the bounce house were either unstaffed or done so by residents volunteering (and sacrificing times with their own families).
But there was a sign next to each station making it clear that you needed a wristband but many people just ignored it.
After having to wait for non-payers at several attractions including the bounce house (where I saw one lady, speaking Russian, but clearly telling someone about the wristband policy), I started to get frustrated.

While Chase and Julian were getting their faces painted (by a friendly resident volunteer)

the line was starting to get long. Next on line, in front of 3 paying residents, was a little girl, with her scofflaw mother (the one speaking Russian at the bounce house) nowhere to be found.

I decided to speak up. In my nicest voice I said "sweetie, tell your mommy you need a wristband to get your face painted."

Before I even finished the sentence the little girl shot back "we don't have enough money."

No one is going to turn away a child in this case. And the mother knew that. Which is why she coached the daughter to say it.

There is no way this woman is so poor that she literally had to choose between spending 15 dollars on a wristband and eating that day, she just didn't deem this expenditure worth it, especially because she knew if she plotted it right (found the soft targets, coached her daughter, and stood far away) she could get away with it.
I think she was just trying to get away with something (like the people at Panera who ask for a cup for water and then fill it up with soda) but it represents something more sinister and insidious in our society: the entitlement attitude.

If someone has more money than you, they must have stolen it or cheated you to get it, so are just stealing it back.
And that's what this woman was doing: stealing. This was an immoral act. It is wrong to take something (product or service) without paying for it.
If she truly couldn't afford it then that is sad. But she should have stayed home, that would have been a better lesson for the child than the one she taught her.

For Once, I Agree With Coach Boeheim's Strategy Decision

A Syracuse fan got a huge Jim Boeheim tattoo on his leg.

When reached for comment by ESPN, Boeheim said "I would wear long pants for the rest of my life."

Agreed.

Why Does This Keep Happening To Me?

I try to walk carefully, but I just always manage to kick things and stub my toes in the most gruesome possible ways.
I am currently hobbling around with a severely injured pinky toe on my right foot.
But according to this montage it looks like the most mild of my injuries.

Love Me, Love Me, Say That You Love Me

LeBron James is going back to Cleveland, saying he didn't realize four years ago how important the people of Northeast Ohio were to him.
Many people are viewing this as an admission on his part that he made a mistake four years ago when he chose to leave the Cavs for the Heat.
I think he is making the same mistake this time around, only he's doing it in a better way.
Let me explain: First of all, I am talking only about the decision with a lowercase d. The Decision, the TV special, was a complete disaster and at least he learned that lesson this time around.
But the lesson he didn't learn, is that you can't make people happy by doing what you think they want you to do.
I believe LeBron chose Miami four years ago because he thought that's what people wanted and what he needed. He thought he needed to win championships in order to be considered one of the all-time greats. And he was willing to take less money to do it. And he was right, he won two titles and four conference championships in Miami. But he never got the adulation he wanted and desired, in fact the opposite was true. Even excluding the Decision, people were angry that he abandoned his home fans and assembled a super-team.
Upon seeing that his two titles didn't bring him the love respect and adulation he desired LeBron tried to reverse course and go back to Cleveland.
It would be an admirable move, were he really sincere about his intentions. But all he wants is the love. He doesn't really care about the people of Northeast Ohio who felt betrayed by him. He just wants people to stop saying bad things about him.
Well, it's not going to work.
There are always going to be haters and being a person of prominence, they're always going to attack everything he does.
But if he really wants to turn those of us who are mostly agnostic to him (love his play, ambivalent about his personality) he should be less concerned with what we think and more concerned with winning those titles for the people of Cleveland.

Song of the Week

"Magnet and Steel" - Walter Egan

The Smartest Man in Music

In the nearly 30 years since Weird Al Yankovic recorded "Dare to Be Stupid" so many people took his advice that now it's hard to find people who are willing to be smart.
Which is why his latest single, "Word Crimes," strikes a chord with me. He takes on all those stupid grammar mistakes that people make on the internet and claim they made them just to save space or because they were typing quickly, or on a phone but you know they just don't know anything about proper English.



This is probably one of my favorite suggestions in the history of The Poop, because I loved Weird Al, I love grammar and because this video is so new it's still stuck in 301+ views purgatory.

Thanks to Razor for bringing this song into my life.

Weird Al also recently released a parody of "Happy" called "Tacky" but I won't link to it because he makes fun of sandals with socks.

What Do You Give Me For? Sean Dempsey and Johnny Galecki

What do you give me for the 27th place finisher in the 2014 World Series of Poker Main Event Sean Dempsey and Big Bang Theory's Johnny Galecki?

Note: I couldn't find a good picture of Johnny Galecki to really make this work. As Leonard Hofstadter he has the glasses but not the beard, as himself he has had a beard, but not the glasses. But if you cover the picture on the right I'd bet your mental picture of Johnny Galecki is closer to Dempsey than the one I found on Google images.

Song of the Week

"Rude" - Magic!
I've been posting a lot of pop songs lately. I promise to rectify that.

Fat Yankees Fan Sleeps, Sues

Andrew Rector was caught on camera sleeping in the stands during a Red Sox-Yankees game at Yankee Stadium:



Now Rector is suing ESPN, MLB and Dan Shulman and John Kruk because the announcers made fun of him. The lawsuit says the "unending verbal crusade against" Rector caused him “substantial injury” to his “character and reputation,” as well as “mental anguish, loss of future income and loss of earning capacity.”

The lawsuit doesn't even look as if it was prepared by a real lawyer, it's full of typos misspellings and failed attempts to sound intelligent.

Fact is, calling the guy "oblivious," wondering if he missed the Beltran homer and gently joking about his weight (by asking Kruk if they are related) are totally legitimate things for the announcers to do.

His other allegations that they called him confused and unintelligent just aren't true. But if they had said those things, they'd be right.

Poker pro Vanessa Selbst got caught on camera sleeping at a Montreal Canadiens game but you don't see her filing frivolous lawsuits.

Song of the Week

"Am I Wrong?" - Nico & Vinz

I Have an Eye for Talent

6 years ago I spotted a hottie on "Red Eye" telling a story about summer camp and 2600 people visited the Poop hoping to hear about Anna Gilligan's naked summer camp (though the videos have been deleted from youtube).
Well now I have something even better for you, Anna Gilligan in a bikini and creepy Greg Kelly ogling her.



In Kelly's defense, she did look smoking. And that was clearly the desired reaction. She didn't pick that bikini by accident. And she didn't starve herself for two weeks and take a laxative that morning because she didn't want anyone to notice her body.