Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The NFL is Poop - Week 1

Welcome Back NFL
It's hard to miss something that never even left but it seems there is more excitement, personally and across the broader fan base, for this season than for years past. Just the thought of a canceled or shortened season was enough to turn any NFL fan into a whipped boyfriend running back whenever the NFL was ready to have us again. I am not placing blame, I am part of the problem, though I was not part of the audience for Sunday Night's Cowboys-Jets game, which pulled in the highest rating for a Week 1 primetime game since 1996. And what a great game it was.

I Bet A Lot of Cowboys Fans Will Be Changing the First Letter of his Last Name This Morning
Tony Romo (with an R) gifted a game to the Jets with a 4th quarter fumble and an interception. Romo is a pretty good quarterback but it seems like he will never fulfill the promise he had when he first burst on the scene. And the window for the Cowboys to become a top team is closing.

Whose League Is It?
You always hear a lot of talk about how the NFL is now a passing league, as opposed to a running one. Really? In Week 1, six running backs gained more than 100 yards and they all won. 7 of the top 8 receivers by yards lost, except Wes Welker who probably wou;dn't have ruined my perfect item if not for that 99-yard TD. I know a lot of this depends on play-calling which is based on the game situation. I know teams rush for a lot of yards because they are winning, they don't necessarily win because they rush for a lot of yards. But a difference that drastic in winning percentage for top rushers vs. top receivers does show us that a good running game is still a great way to build and keep a lead.

Impressive Debut
I wasn't sold on Cam Newton as an NFL prospect (though I did pick him to win Rookie of the Year) and I still am not convinced, but I was impressed by what I saw from him while watching the Panthers-Cardinals game on the computer during breaks in the Redskins-Giants. He showed a better, more accurate throwing arm than I thought he possessed, and he also used his running abilities to great effect, but also with great judiciousness. He did make some mistakes and I still think he has some 9 for 21, 3 INT games in his future. But judging by his debut, his future looks bright.



A Brief Rant About the Redskins
If the Redskins are to go 2-14 this year, I just hope the other win is against the Giants. Prior to this season the Giants had beaten us 9 of the past ten times. That's one win in 5 years against my most hated rival. I do see some promise on offense, though I am not buying a Rex Grossman jersey just yet. He did play well, and make some great throws, but the Giants injury-depleted pass rush may have helped in that regard. Tim Hightower looked good running the ball, which will help balance. There are still big concerns about the defense, especially with Reed Doughty getting burned on a deep ball. But Arizona is up next at home, a very winnable game. After that 4 of the next 5 games are on the road (Dallas, St. Louis, Carolina and Buffalo) against teams that aren't expected to be very good.



Picture of the Week
Kerry Collins looks old and beaten. And this was taken before the game started.

Kerry Collins looks battered and beaten -- before kickoff

Picture of the Week II
Of all the touching tributes to 9/11 during Sunday's games, there were none I wanted to touch more than this ribbon worn by a Redskins cheerleader.

is it insensitive to stare at her boobs?

Did Jaws Just Say Shit?
I think he did. Listen carefully and you can hear Ron Jaworski say "shit you have to get rid of this ball..."



If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Buffalo 34 Chicago 17
Just for fun I am starting this season off with the teams that had the best victories in Week 1. Judging only by what I saw, not what I thought. Maybe New England - Green Bay is a more likely matchup, but they only won by 14 and 8 respectively. And I do have concerns about Green Bay's defense which almost gave this game away.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Weekly Picks

A new season means a new chance to erase some recent failures and recapture my past form. I haven't really read much going into Week 1 because I don't do fantasy but I think I have a pretty good idea of who will be good and who will be bad. But remember, when we look back on these results in 10 weeks, what we think are upsets now may not turn out to be.

indianapolis +9 HOUSTON
I think this line is a total overreaction. Yes Peyton Manning matters, but not this much.

detroit +1 1/2 TAMPA BAY
This year's upstart team will beat last year's upstart team.

ARIZONA -7 carolina
This line is a little bigger than I would like but I do not like Cam Newton and I do think Kevin Kolb will be good. No way Newton wins his first NFL start, on the road. Whether he can lose by less than a touchdown, I'm not sure, but I'll take my chances.

philadephia -3 1/2 ST. LOUIS
I'm not convinced the Eagles are as good as everyone says and the Rams may show some big improvement this year. But I think Philly will get off to a good start with a win in Week 1.

BEST BET
atlanta -2 CHICAGO

My Super Bowl team against the Bears who still haven't upgraded their line enough to protect Jay Cutler.

Hey McFly Your Shoe's Untied

Nike is releasing the Nike Mag, a replica of the futuristic shoe Marty McFly wore in 2015 in "Back to the Future II."
The Nike on the strap even glows. The replica is pretty faithful to the original, except it doesn't lace itself.



Nike will release 1,500 pairs of the 2011 Nike Mag sneaker for auction on eBay and donate all proceeds to the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's disease research.

Nike decided more than four years ago to create the shoe, but was unsure when a pair would be ready. Unlike the shoes in the movie, the real-life versions had to be designed for day-to-day use. For instance, the design used in the movie required Fox to wear a battery pack with wires running down his pants to light the shoe, which was the best technology available at the time.

Nike also has created a faux "lost scene" from the movie starring Christopher Lloyd and Kevin Durant with a cameo from Mayor Goldie Wilson.


Friday, September 09, 2011

Baseball is Poop

Closest Race in Years
I don't think I have ever come across a more difficult decision for a Rookie of the Year award than the one confronting voters this season. The top two candidates are Phillies pitcher Vance Worley (11-1, 2.85 ERA) and Atlanta closer Craig Kimbrel (43 saves, 1.55 ERA). I know Worley's stats, especially his record, are inflated by being on such a good team, but it is a lot harder to be really good as a starter than as a closer. But Kimbrel hasn't just been lucky (though his setup men are so good he gets plenty of leads to work with), he's been really good and has the ability to continue this performance for many years. So who should be NL Rookie of the Year? I am going to go with Worley, but he stil has about 5 more starts left (which would bring him to 23) and if he falters I would be willing to go with Kimbrel.




Nyjer Morgan Must Have Lost His Mind
I think there is something wrong with Nyjer Morgan. He has developed a bad reputation around baseball for dirty play (knocking over a catcher when he didn't have the ball, 8 games suspension for his role in a brawl plus 7 games for throwing a ball into the stands) and his unusual personality (he has several alter egos and aliases). Under the name Tony Plush, Morgan has picked a twitter fight with the Stupendous Pooh Holes, referring to him as "Alberta" and "she." After mouthing off to Chris Carpenter after a strikeout, Pooh Holes ran towards Morgan to make go back to the dugout.
I don't find his antics amusing at all and he isn't a good enough player to have a mouth this big. I hope Prince Fielder accidentally sits on him and crushes the life out of him.



What's in a Name? I
My favorite rookie this year is St. Louis Cardinals closer Fernando Salas. But proving my old adage "you can't trust a palindrome" Salas has blown 5 saves this season.

What's in a Name? II
On June 24th in a game against the Tampa Bay Rays, the Houston Astros used 3 pitchers. Wandy Rodriguez, Fernando Rodriguez and Aneury Rodriguez. They lost 5-1.

What's in a Name? III
In an interleague contest between the Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox on July 1, there were two home runs hit. Both by A. Ramirez, Aramis and Alexi.

Best First Pitch of the Year
A performer in a Cirque De Soleil show does an intricate windup but still manages to throw a perfect strike.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Who Wants to Taste My Schweddy Balls?

Ben & Jerry's will be offering for a limited time a new flavor, "Schweddy Balls," based on the brilliant Saturday Night Live sketch starring Alec Baldwin.



The flavor is made up of "vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and is loaded with fudge covered rum balls and milk chocolate malt balls."

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

NFL Season Predictions

AFC East: New England Patriots
AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers
AFC South: Houston Texans
AFC West: San Diego Chargers
AFC Wild Cards: Baltimore Ravens, New York Jets
AFC Conference Championship: Patriots over Chargers


NFC East: Philadelphia Eagles
NFC North: Green Bay Packers
NFC South: Atlanta Falcons
NFC West: St. Louis Rams
NFC Wild Cards: Detroit Lions, New Orleans Saints
NFC Conference Championship: Falcons over Eagles

Super Bowl: Atlanta 34 New England 29

Offensive Player of the Year: Roddy White
Defensive Player of the Year: Ndamukong Suh
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Cam Newton
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Nick Fairley
Comeback Player of the Year: Matthew Stafford
Coach of the Year: Jim Schwartz

Last year only 3 of us participated (I'll be lucky to get that many this year) and all 3 of us correctly predicted the Packers would make the Super Bowl.

Also, please enter all the espn.com games. The group name is The Poop. Definitely do the eliminator one. That would be fun if a lot of us got in and a few of us built long streaks.

Song of the Week

"Solid" - Ashford & Simpson
I regret being two weeks late with this tribute to one of the great songwriters of our time, Nick Ashford.
The day he died was the day of the East Coast earthquake and I was too busy to change the scheduled Song of the Week.
The following week I wanted to get "You're the Inspiration" in before our anniversary.
So that brings us to "Solid" one of the of their hits that Ashford and Simpson actually performed themselves.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I Think I Would Still Hate a White Dog-Killer

ESPN the Magazine recently ran a fascinating article "What If Michael Vick Were White."

Along with the article was a picture, Michael Vick reimagined and digitally altered to be a white man.



Juding from just the headline alone, I was pleased they used proper grammar but disappointed that they were going say Michael Vick was persecuted and punished harshly, because he is black.

Then I read the article: "I'm certain white privilege would not be enough to rescue a white NFL star caught killing dogs."

And it goes on to make the point that separating Vick or any of us from our race would be impossible. If Vick were white, he would have grown up in different circumstances and quite possibly never have been exposed to dogfighting in the first place. Maybe he wouldn't even play football, who knows?

Regardless of color Vick has turned his life around. He seems to be on the straight and narrow and personally, and on the basis of his play on the field he signed a new 6-year, $100m contract with the Eagles. I hope he uses that money to repay his creditors and uses these lessons to live an honest life.

But I will always hate him. No matter what color he is.

Song of the Week

"You're the Inspiration" - Chicago
I used to play this song on the piano when Mama Poop forced us to take lessons.
I'm so glad that 25 years later I finally understand the true meaning of these lyrics.

"You bring meaning to my life
You're the Inspiration"

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Animals Knew

An amazing story in the Washington Post about the strange behavior of animals at the National Zoo before last week's earthquake.

Here are some examples:
-About five to ten seconds before the quake, many of the apes, including Kyle (an orangutan) and Kojo (a Western lowland gorilla), abandoned their food and climbed to the top of the tree-like structure in the exhibit.

-About three seconds before the quake, Mandara (a gorilla) let out a shriek and collected her baby, Kibibi, and moved to the top of the tree structure as well.

-The red ruffed lemurs sounded an alarm call about 15 minutes before the quake and then again just after it occurred.

-The Zoo has a flock of 64 flamingos. Just before the quake, the birds rushed about and grouped themselves together. They remained huddled during the quake.

Here's one possible scientific explanation: An earthquake generates two types of seismic waves. The first is the relatively weak, fast-moving P wave, or primary wave. Then comes the more powerful S wave, or secondary wave, which lumbers along at a leisurely pace and heaves the ground up and down.

The first P waves would have reached Washington about 15 seconds before the S waves. The animals may have been responding to the P waves before humans noticed the ground shaking.

That's why some of the animals moved to higher ground, because they felt the earth shaking.

But that doesn't explain the lemurs sounding their alarm 15 minutes before.

Maybe that was just an aberation.

Maybe the lemurs knew.

We will never know why animals pick up on these things before we do. Unless they decide to tell us.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Song of the Week

"Working My Way Back to You Babe" - The Spinners
Master Bates and I used to play this on a Fisher Price record player.

What Do You Give Me For? Toucan Sam and the Mayan Archaelogy Initiative Toucan

Kellogg is asking a group working to defend Mayan culture to reconsider its logo, saying consumers can confuse it with Toucan Sam.
An attorney for Kellogg sent a letter to the nonprofit Maya Archaeology Initiative saying Kellogg opposes the group's bid to trademark its logo.
The Maya Archaeology Initiative says there is little similarity. It says its logo is based upon a realistic toucan native to Mesoamerica, while Toucan Sam is a cartoon character with the coloring of Froot Loops.





Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Where Were You When the World Shook?

My one chance to experience an earthquake in New York City and I missed it. I was in a meeting in the center of the building and none of us felt a thing.
We started getting e-mails about it and assumed it was just DC. But people seated near the windows did feel.
Did you?
Share your experience in the comments section.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Best Stadium Fight I've Ever Seen

A huge fight in the stands of the 49ers-Raiders preseason game. This one went on for quite a while before security was able to break it up.



Unfortunately things turned uglier after the game. A Raiders fan wearing a "Fuck the Niners" t-shirt was shot several times in the stomach. The second incident of horrific fan violence at a game in California this year.

Friday, August 19, 2011

You Can't Always Get What You Want

The New Meadowlands Stadium to be shared by the Giants (Big Blue) and the Jets.
It will be called MetLife Stadium. Which is adequate, but a better sponsor was out there.
JetBlue Stadium would have been so perfect.
Similarly, wouldn't CitiField be so much cooler if Ralph Lauren had ponied up (pun intended) the money to name it The Polo Grounds?


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Please Don't Wear Our Clothes

Ambercrombie and Fitch is offering to pay The Situation not to wear the company's clothes.
Sitch wore neon green A&F sweatpants in the latest episode of the show.
That led the company to make the offer to The Situation (and other Jersey Shore castmembers), and to release this statement:
“We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans."

Abercrombie and Fitch wants the Situation to take his shirt off

I think this is a pretty funny and savvy move by the store. I doubt there are many fans of the show who will be so outraged they will boycott. And I believe there are a lot of people who hate the show who may look more favorably upon the brand now.

Mostly I think A&F is just trying to steal some buzz from the show sort of like when Vivid video offers every hot chick in some kind of scandal a million dollars to appear in a porn movie.

Song of the Week

"Back in the High Life Again" - Steve Winwood
Dan Uggla's hitting-streak reminded me of this song. In 1987, Paul Molitor had a 39-game streak from July 16th through August 26th. Since this period coincided with my time at sleepaway camp I missed the entire hitting streak. We didn't have computers or cell phones in those days. When I returned home I remember watching a montage of Molitor's hits set to this song. And I always think of it during long streaks.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Rainy Summer Sunday

"The sun did not shine
it was too wet to play
So we sat in the house
All that cold, cold wet day."

would you like to shake hands with Thing 1 and Thing 2?

Good thing I had Thing 1 and Thing 2 to entertain me.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

3000 Words

Bears at the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago stay cool by licking giant blocks of ice.



Bryan Devonshire stacks his chips at the World Series of Poker



Justin Bieber wears a Kelly Kapowski t-shirt

Friday, August 12, 2011

The Only Thing Mrs. Poop Ever Asked Me to Post

Authorities on Friday were trying to determine why Jani Lane, former lead singer of the 1980s glam-band Warrant, was at a Woodland Hills motel when he died Thursday.

Lane has a home in the South Bay, so it is unclear exactly why he was at the Ventura Boulevard motel, according to law enforcement sources familiar with the case. Alcohol and prescription drugs were found in the motel room, the sources said, but there was no indication he took intentionally took his own life.

An autopsy will determine how the 47-year-old Redondo Beach resident died, according to the Los Angeles County Coroner. Lane's body was found about 5:30 p.m. Thursday in a room at a Comfort Inn in the 20100 block of Ventura Boulevard in Woodland Hills.


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Song of the Week

"Orchestrated Love Song" - Burlap to Cashmere
This is the first time I've featured a Christian Rock song as Song of the Week. But the concept "I want to live on a boat and sail away with my children" hits home for me. Unless it's about Jesus somehow.

Monday, August 08, 2011

End of Nights

Today is the first day of the rest of Mrs. Poop's life. Today she set an alarm, woke up, got in the shower and went to work.
The sun was out, it was 6:45am.
After toiling for 10 years on the night shift Mrs. Poop has moved to days and will be working 7a - 3:30p hopefully for the rest of her life.
Coupled with a recent change in my hours (I'm 5a - 2p, by choice) we are now a normal couple.
Well, not a normal couple. A strange couple with normal work schedules.
This is wonderful, it is something we have all been waiting a very long time for. Over the past four years Mrs. Poop and I have done a lot of single parenting, often while very tired, to accomodate each other's work and sleep schedules.
Now we will go to sleep at the same time, wake up at the same time (roughly) and come home from work at the same time.
We hope will not constantly feel tired anymore. It is now safe to call our home at anytime between normal phone call hours (8a - 8p) and have no fear that someone's slumber will be disturbed.
The only problem: child care. It's nearly impossible to find a daycare to accomodate Mrs. Poop's sporadic (5 days every 2 weeks, 2 of which are weekends) and erratic (the days are never the same) work schedule. So we are turning to our parents (who are beyond wonderful and helpful to us) and a friend of Mrs. Poop's who is willing to watch our two rugrats in addition to two of her own.
A new page in our lives begins today. Or maybe Wednesday when we hope our kids don't force their new babysitter to send them back immediately.

Saturday, August 06, 2011

I Guess That Makes Sense

Mrs. Poop and I just passed a new restaurant called "Stacks."
She said "we should try that place."
"Oh yeah? What do they have there?"
"Take a guess"
"Waitresses with large breasts?"
"Pancakes"
"That was my next guess."

Friday, August 05, 2011

You Win Some, You Lose Some, You Win Some

Every year in Maine we carefully plan our activities around the weather. We usually have only 5 or 6 days so if we plan non-beach activities on a sunny day, and end up with nothing to do on a rainy day, a good portion of our vacation will have been misspent.
This is why Mrs. Poop carefully selected the day we would take Chase to the amusement park at the pier.
We bought the unlimited ticket and for $23 (it's $2.40 for individual rides) little Chase could ride to his heart's content.

He rode the bear, the elephant...



the motorcycle, the jeep and several others.



We counted. He got to 10. And then they shut the ride down because of an impending thunderstorm. We thought it would pass. It didn't, we never got back on the rides.

But we did hit the arcade. At first we were just waiting under cover hoping the rain would stop. Then we all started to get antsy until I spotted a video game the whole family could enjoy: Deal or No Deal.

In the arcade version of the game you play for tickets instead of dollars. I let Chase pick every case number by hitting the buttons and he chose case 10, then proceeded to go on a ridiculous run, nailing 5 of the 6 smallest cases in the first round. We decided to keep going all the way to the end because we still had the 1000 tickets in play. But when we eliminated 75 with 3 cases less I told Chase to take the deal.



The best part of it was, it took a few minutes to play the game, but it took at least 10 minutes for it to dispense 502 tickets. And unlike the old days they don't want their functionally illiterate counter employees counting tickets. So when you are done, you have to insert your tickets into another machine to count them. Then it prints you one slip with a big number on it and you take that to the toy counter.




That took another 10 or 15 minutes. Chase ended up with a light up toy car that wasn't even worth the two dollars we put into the game, but by the time we were done it had let up sufficiently to allow us to go somewhere else for dinner.
A good deal if you ask me.

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Song of the Week

"Into You" - Fabolous featuring Tamia
One of the best love songs in rap history.
"I don't bring the problems from the 90s into two-thou"

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

The Human Fund Starring George Costanza

A popular trend on youtube is recutting movies or shows (often several episodes) into one funny, but misleading movie trailer. There are tons of these on youtube, including many just for Seinfeld alone. But this is the best one, "The Human Fund."



I also liked "Jerry the Great"



But the recut by which all other recuts must be measured is this alternate trailer for "The Shining."

Monday, August 01, 2011

S.U.C.K.M.E Beautiful

There is a long-held theory among Mets fans about the team's inability to hit unknown, rookie pitchers with less than impressive resumes.
There's even a name for it: Some Unknown Chucker Kills Mets Everytime.
SUCKME!
When the Washington Nationals traded Jason Marquis (he's a good boychik) they needed a last-minute replacement.
They plucked Yuniesky Maya from their Triple A affiliate in Syracuse.
At Syracuse, Maya had a 1-7 record and a 5.32 ERA.
Entering his start against the Mets he was 0-1 with a 6.86 ERA.
So of course against the Mets he doesn't give up a hit until there are 2 outs in the 4th and ends up pitching 5 1/3 scoreless innings.
SUCKME!

If Sam Kinison Were Alive Today

The Gates Foundation is spending $1.7B on farming in Africa. There are two major obstacles to curing hunger in Africa. We have spent years and years and billions and billions of dollars and made hardly a dent. Reason #1: The warlords who run these countries enrich themselves and don't share the aid with the people.
I'll let Sam Kinison explain Reason #2:



"We have deserts in America. We just don't live in them asshole."

Friday, July 29, 2011

Do the Right Thing

The 2011 New York Mets are a fun bunch. They have shown a lot of spunk, heart and fight in maintaining an above-.500 record through two-thrids of the season despite the injuries which have sidelined Johan Santana, David Wright, Ike Davis and even Jason Bay.
But it's time to face reality: they are not making the playoffs. Baseball Prospectus gives them just a 3.6% chance. They are 6 1/2 games behind the Braves in the wild card race. And if you consider their chances against the Giants in the first round, I'd give the Mets a less than 2% chance of making the NLCS.
Under those circumstances I agree with the decision to trade Carlos Beltran to San Francisco for Zack Wheeler. So far this year Wheeler is 7-5 with a 3.99 ERA in Class A. He's hardly setting the world on fire, but he is considered a good prospect.
Being realistic about the organization, it is definitely the right move to trade a 2% chance of making the NLCS (assuming that gets wiped down to zero without Beltran, which isn't necessarily the case) for a good pitching prospect.
The 2012 Mets don't need an aging overpaid outfielder so even without the trade there was almost no chacne Beltran was going to be resigned for next season.

Carlos Beltran's first game as a San Francisco Giant

What to do about Jose Reyes is a much more difficult question. At this point I am convinced the Mets should keep him for the rest of the season. They obviously are playing above expectations, they haven't gotten a knock-your-socks-off offer and unlike Beltran, they can get two draft picks for letting Jose walk as a free agent.
And that's what I think the Mets should do.
I love Jose Reyes as much as the next guy but we have to face facts. He is having an unbelievable season, and is unlikely to duplicate it, especially as he gets older. Reyes is only 28, which is still young but a player of his style is likely to decline at an earlier age than a home run hitter. That is why I am wary of giving him a deal of 6 or 7 years.



If I were the Mets I would offer 5-years, $100 million (I think they can swing this despite the Madoff problems) and if he wants longer or more I would say "vaya con dios."

Even with Reyes, I don't think the 2012 Mets would be a World Series threat. The outfield is still very weak, unless Bay has an amazing rebirth. The starters are still questionable. We have no idea what Santana is going to be and we can't expect ERAs of lower than 3.50 for Pelfrey, Niese and Gee so I still don't feel confident about the starting rotation. And the bullpen will be a major weak spot, though under no circumstances should the Mets sign a big money closer, that's almost always a losing proposition. I also don't think Bobby Parnell has the temperament to close games.

In short, I'm saying what I have been saying for years. The Mets need to stop worrying about today, stop worrying about getting fans into CitiField this season, stop worrying about the New York Post, stop worrying about WFAN and start worrying about building a farm system that will create a World Series contender 3, 4 or 5 years down the line.

What Do You Give Me For? Cassi Colvin from Big Brother and Olivia Wilde

What do you give me for Cassi Colvin from Big Brother and Olivia Wilde?







Thursday, July 28, 2011

I've Always Wondered About This

Even if you are not gay you might often wonder how male/male relationships work, sexually. How do they decide who gets to put it in whose ass and when? Do they each get a turn? Or does one guy get one night, and the other gets the next?

Thanks to your tax dollars we now have the answers. The National Institutes of Health subsidized a study on gay mens' penis size.

Here's what they found out:

Gay men who felt they had small or inadequate penis sizes were more likely to become “bottoms,” or anal receptive, while gay men with larger penises were more likely to identify themselves as “tops,” or anal insertive.

That seems a little counterintuitive to me. But what do I know about gay sex?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Song of the Week

"None of Your Friends Business" - Ginuwine
"mmmm mmmm damn mmmm"
Definitely one of my favorite songs from the late-90s/early aughts era in R&B.

Monday, July 25, 2011

What Do You Give Me For? Kim Kardashian and Old Navy Model

What do you give me for Kim Kardashian and the chick in the Old Navy ad?
Kardashian is suing Old Navy's parent company, Gap, over the Super C-U-T-E ad featuring Melissa Molinaro. Kardashian says the company purposely used a lookalike and people are mistakenly thinking that she is the one endorsing Old Navy clothes.

Kim Kardashian on the left, Melissa Molinaro on the right



Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Pastor Joe Nelms delivering the prayer before the NASCAR Nationwide race this weekend:



Here's a picture of Pastor Nelms and his smoking hot wife Lisa:

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Funny or Douchey?

At the World Series of Poker each year there is a Ladies Event and a Seniors Event. Both are $1,000 buy-ins and attract huge fields. It's either unlawful or against some rule for the casino to strictly prohibit people from entering a tournament solely based on their gender or age. But most people respect the intentions and don't enter unless they fit the qualifications.
But not Jonathan Epstein. He entered the Ladies Event, without even having the decency to dress in drag.
Before the knee-jerk reaction consider this: there's a lot of dead money in this tournament, a lot of dumb, hot chicks whose boyfriends staked them. Maybe Epstein is just trying to make some money. Or maybe he's protesting the inherent unfairness of exclusionary tournaments.
Consider that before you vote on whether a guy playing in the Ladies Tournament is Funny or Douchey? You may also need to view this one as more of a "Douchey/Not Douchey" since it's not inherently funny because as I mentioned earlier, he didn't dress in drag.




Friday, July 22, 2011

One of My Favorite Games Ever

25 years ago today, July 22, 1986, Dave Parker dropped a foul ball and started a movement.
The Mets were trailing the Reds 3-2 when they got a 2-out gift in the top of the 9th. Dave Parker dropped a fly ball and his expression of disgust (a slight punch of his fist in the air) became a symbol of dismay for many of us during our high school years.
The Mets tied the game and then in the 10th inning, it became a game for the ages.
Eric Davis and Ray Knight got into a turf war at third base leading to a bench-clearing brawl.

look carefully and you will see Gary Carter tackling Eric Davis

The ejections forced Gary Carter to play third base and the Mets to use pitchers in the outfield. Roger McDowell and Jesse Orosco shuttled back and forth between the outfield and the mound. Davey Johnson had seen Herzog do it earlier in the year with Worrell and a lefty, so he thought it would be interesting to try. Interesting to try, and interesting to watch.

The Mets won the game in the 14th on a 3-run homer by Howard Johnson.

The game was immortalized in the 1986 Mets highlight video "A Year to Remember."

I Was So Cute Once, What Happened?

Three years ago someone posted on Facebook a JCC Camp picture from 1984. That picture featured me, The Concierge, Focks and Washington Nationals pitcher Jason Marquis.
Here's another one recently posted. It's from 5th grade. I might be easy to spot. But there is another Poophead in there who might be a little harder to pick out from the crowd.

mr dugan's 5th grade class

Thursday, July 21, 2011

What Do You Give Me For? Cars 2 Edition

A little bit different for WDYGMF? this time, no voting, just marveling at how good a job the Pixar people do. I really think these cars do look like the people they intend to invoke.

Lewis Hamilton and Lewis Hamilton


Jeff Gordon and Jeff Gorvette


Prince William and Prince Wheeliam


Brent Musberger and Brent Mustangberger

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Song of the Week

"Quickie" - Miguel
The guy has three songs and all of them made song of the week. The point is to get JLeary to admit he was wrong and that this guy is actually pretty dope.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Saturday, July 16, 2011

It's Getting Crowded

Diesel in Maine in 2007:

Diesel in Maine in 2007

Diesel in Maine in 2008:

Diesel in Maine in 2008
Diesel in Maine in 2009:


Diesel in Maine in 2010:


Diesel in Maine in 2011:
Diesel in Maine in 2011

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Why Does This Keep Happening?

In a few days Casey Anthony will be released from prison, serving three years for lying to police, but literally getting away with murder – the murder of her 2-year-old daughter Caylee.
This is quite probably the biggest miscarriage of justice since the OJ (I think it’s worse). So the big question is, what is wrong with our legal system? Why does this keep happening?



The culprit I’m angriest about is the idiotic juries. In order to be a juror on a huge case like this, that got so much media attention before the trial started, you basically have to be an idiot. I can’t imagine anyone with a curious mind, capable of deductive reasoning, meeting the standards (the incredibly low standards) required to serve on a jury in a case of such significance. These people tend to be simple-minded, and in this case and the OJ case they fell for far-fetched implausible narratives fed to them by the prosecution.
These same idiot jurors I feel have taken the meaning of the phrase “beyond a reasonable doubt” way too literally. Yes you can have doubts, in a situation of this magnitude, a young woman’s life is at stake, the decision-maker should always have doubts, it’s our minds’ way of making sure we make the correct decision. But are those doubts reasonable? What if they said aliens came down and abducted Caylee and dropped her in the woods 6 months later, then showed tiny footprints and crop circles in the area? Would that be a reasonable doubt? No of course not. But it seems to me these cases have become about keeping score, if the defense can get 2 points on the board, it doesn’t matter if the prosecution wins 98-2, they have to have a perfect shutout. The way I thought about it when I was on a jury was this: is there any reasonable doubt that the prosecution’s version of events is not true? Did the defense team’s evidence and testimony give you a substantial reason to think the events could have unfolded differently? If this jury had applied those standards I think they would have come back with a guilty verdict, or at least a hung jury. Remember, similar to the OJ trial, several of them said they were pretty sure she was involved somehow, but said the prosecution didn’t prove its case. Again, it’s a scorecard, not a right or wrong, fact or fiction, innocent or guilty.



The blessing and curse of DNA evidence. There is no doubt modern technology aids us in almost every aspect of human life. But in some cases it becomes a crutch. Facebook, twitter, bbm, this blog. I haven’t spoken to a human being in years. I rely on the technology. And such is the case with DNA evidence. I am sure DNA evidence has cleared many innocent people, and save many more from wrongful convictions, but in this case it got Casey Anthony off the hook. Basically, the new standard has become, if you can’t tie the accused to the murder scene with DNA, you can’t get a murder conviction. This is why many experts say the prosecution overreached in its charges, a legal stratagem I don’t feel equipped to discuss.
But I think that’s intellectually lazy on the part of these jurors (whom I doubt are all that smart to begin with). Casey (or the “real killer”) was obviously very careful to not leave any evidence, and in the most important aspect of the entire case, the body was hidden so well, it was not discovered for 6 months at which time the autopsy was of little help. Though it did initially say the cause of death was homicide, it was unable to come up with a definitive cause of death to the satisfaction of the jurors. During this intervening 6 months, any trace of a heart-shaped sticker (if there ever was one) wore off the duct tape, eliminating a potential smoking gun.
When I was on a jury (again I am basing a lot of my feelings about these idiots on my own experiences) the judge told us our job as a jury was to listen to conflicting accounts of the same events and to decide which person was telling the truth. It seems these jurors heard differing accounts, and punted. They chose not to believe either person, and just pointed at the lack of DNA evidence as a failure by the prosecution to score enough points.
For instance, Cindy Anthony says she was the one who Googled “chloroform” on the family’s home computer. The prosecution introduced evidence showing Cindy was at work when those searches were conducted. Instead of throwing out Cindy’s testimony has that of a desperate woman trying to save her daughter, they seemed to just ignore the obvious: Casey googled it, then used it to kill her daughter.
And then there is the smell of the car. Before there was even a case, there was the car. The mother, the brother and I think even a clerk at the impound yard, all said it smelled like a dead body. Even some cockamamie test the prosecution ran out there said the odor was consistent with that of a decomposing body. But because no hair fiber, or other DNA was ever found in the trunk, the jurors ignored this evidence too. This to me is one of the bigger pieces of evidence in the case. This convinces me there was a dead body in the car. How else could all these people (in their honest moments, before lying to protect Casey) say the trunk smelled like a dead body, scientific testing say there was a dead body and there have been no dead body? What the hell else was it? Did Casey hit a deer and put it in the trunk? Did she park it at the same valet Jerry used during the B.B.O. episode? Does that sound “reasonable” to you?
The other big mystery in this case was how did the body of Caylee end up tied up in the woods if she simply drowned in the family pool? The defense blamed George Anthony (World War II was his fault also according to Jose Baez) and the prosecution never really challenged it. And if she drowned and they were going to dispose of the body, why did they put duct tape on her mouth? Again these were complete lies thrown out there by the defense, unchallenged by the prosecution which obviously felt it didn’t need to disprove the outrageous lies of Casey’s lawyers, it only needed to bolster its own case.
There is no overall presentation score in a murder case. I have often complained about boxing and MMA scoring when the officials’ decision does not match up with what every spectator can plainly see with his or her own eyes. Similar to the legal system, in boxing the judges are asked to score each round separately, and add those up for a winner. Using the 10 point-must system not all 10-9 rounds are equal. So sometimes you can have a guy lose the majority of the rounds close, and dominate those he wins, but by the numbers, he comes up short.
That’s sort of what happened here, thanks to everything I mentioned above. The defense scored enough points, and the prosecution had enough holes in its case. But if you had to choose one story which of these would you believe (oversimplified for your reading pleasure):
A young woman who had an unplanned pregnancy (likely the result of a one-night stand with a now deceased man) at age 19, was desperate to move out of her parents’ home (likely a dysfunctional one) so she killed her two-year old daughter. She researched chloroform and neck-breaking on her computer then used what she learned to kill her daughter. She stashed the body in the trunk of her car. And when the smell got too great she dumped the body in the woods. She was very careful in plotting this crime – thus the lack of DNA evidence, but also the DA’s desire to get her for Murder 1, the premeditation of the crime – and left no smoking gun evidence of her crime. During the next month she moved in with at least two boyfriends, went out partying with friends, including the now infamous hot bodies contest. She even got a tattoo – Bella Vita – Italian for “beautiful life.” She also wrote in her journal of things being better this way.



Or
A loving mother who lives with her parents is so distraught by a terrible accident – her daughter drowning in a pool – that she goes out and does all those above activities to hide her guilt. She does this at the behest of her father who had been molesting her (and possibly forcing her to have sex with her brother) for years. This same father was the one who left the backdoor open and the ladder by the pool and he was the one who suggested the whole cover-up plan because he felt guilty. And even though he denied all this you can’t believe him because he is a suicidal adulterer.
Which one do you believe? And do you believe it beyond a reasonable doubt? Could you send a woman to likely death based on your belief?
I could, these jurors couldn’t which to me means Pascal’s Wager is probably the biggest reason for a not guilty verdict.
The jurors did what came at little cost to them. Maybe they were 90% sure, 95% or even 99% percent sure Casey did it, or was involved somehow. But they figured if they let her go, she’d probably never do anything like this again, meaning an acquittal comes with very little cost. Maybe a little guilt for letting her get away with murder, maybe the fear that someday she would kill again and you set a murderer loose, but that’s unlikely. But looking at it the other way, that small chance that they sent an innocent woman to Death Row (and not the really awesome record label) would have probably kept them up at night. So they took the easy way out. They let Casey Anthony get away with murder.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

That Would Be a Record

A major cable news network screws up the announcement of Derek Jeter's 3000th hit. It came via home run which must have confused the idiots who work there, who are such humorless tightasses not one of them knew enough about baseball to know this was incorrect. Or maybe it was just your average Yankees fan.

Song of the Week

"I Can See Clearly Now" - Johnny Nash
One of the most positive uplifting songs ever.

"Here is the rainbow I've been praying for."

Sunday, July 10, 2011

OJ's Legacy

It has been more than 20 years since the release of the first Naked Gun movie and I would have to say, for the most part, the movie holds up.
With one minor exception -- OJ Simpson.
But I can't decide whether his presence actually makes the movies better and funnier on repeated viewings, for instance, him creeping around in a black knit cap



or does it make them worse because him being a murder now dominates discussion of the movies. And you are so angry about his acquittal you wish his nuts really would get bitten off by a Laplander.




Friday, July 08, 2011

Did Josh Hamilton Kill A Man?

One of the saddest things I have ever seen at a baseball game occurred during yesterday's Rangers-A's game.
After a foul ball was hit down the left field line, Josh Hamilton tossed the ball up into the stands.
39-year-old Shannon Stone reached for the ball and fell over the railing.



He landed headfirst on the concrete below after a 20-foot fall and died before he even got to the hospital.
If this could get even worse, Stone was at the game with his 6-year-old son. Presumably the little guy with the glove and red shirt and red hat you see in the video.

Thursday, July 07, 2011

What Do You Give Me For? Jake Shields & John Hensley

What do you give me for UFC welterweight Jake Shields and John Hensley, better known as Matt McNamara from Nip/Tuck?





















Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Seven Years Squared

Happy 7th birthday to the much-maligned but also much-loved Diesel.
He is far from the perfect dog, but he is perfect for us.
Through him I have become a lover of all animals and a much more compassionate loving person. I regret that we no longer have the long walks we had before the kids intervened but to me there are few things more special than when it's just me and him loping along side by side.

Song of the Week

"Collard Greens and Cornbread" - Fantasia
I love cornbread. I love Fantasia. I love songs that sample "Your Precious Love." When she sang this on Idol we scanned through it and didn't even pay attention. So now I'm making up for it.

Monday, July 04, 2011

Does the New York Times Hate the Fourth of July?

The Obama Re-Election leaflet once known as the New York Times published a stunning op-ed this week. It was written by Brian Palmer and it questions many of the most sacred traditions of July 4th. It literally goes after apple pie.
In "Fire Up the Grill, Not The Atmosphere" Palmer says cooking is a big culprit of greenhouse gas emissions.

Here's Palmers take on three July Fourth barbecue staples:

Hamburgers and hot dogs: Beef is an environmental disaster, no matter how you cook it

Potato salad: sometimes appetizing but always wasteful. An overwhelming majority of the energy in boiling goes into heating the water rather than cooking the potatoes.
Direct-heat methods are more efficient and usually tastier. Cubed and pan-fried potatoes take just 10 minutes to cook and require less than one-third the energy of boiling.

Apple pie: Skip the pie. Baking is so energy profligate...

Is there anything more American than apple pie? Is there anything less American than saying skip the pie?

Basically this all comes do to your perception of the author's intent. Palmer does offer several disclaimers about not wanting everyone to give up meat, or use the microwave, which is the most energy-efficient. But I doubt his sincerity. To me, this doesn't come off as "tips to have a greener barbecue" it comes off as a lecture on what we are doing wrong and why we as Americans are gluttonous pigs who are ruining the environment and getting obese all at the same time.


Moving on, the July 3rd issue of the New York Times featured a front page story about how states are incrasingly allowing the sale of fireworks because of the revenue it brings in. New York, Massachusetts, Delaware and New Jersey are the last four holdouts. Residents of those states travel across state lines to purchase fireworks.

The article was accompanied by a picture of a New Jersey resident, Reggie Noble, loading up on fireworks in Easton, Pennsylvania.



“My father took me to buy fireworks, and now I’m doing it for my kids,” said Reggie Noble, who was filling his cart with fireworks at the Phantom Fireworks in Easton one day this week. Mr. Noble, 41, who is better known as the rap artist Redman, said it did not make much sense that he cannot buy fireworks in New Jersey, where he lives.

“I can see the dangers they are trying to prevent, but it’s still happening,” he said. “I vote that they should lift it up.”

Sunday, July 03, 2011

Cars 2 Review

Chase's review of Cars 2:
"There were a lot of bad guys. And they shooted at the racecars. And they crashed. And the ambulance had to come fix them."

My review of Cars 2:
Chase is right. There were a lot of bad guys in this movie. Unlike the first one which had a cute plot with no antagonists, this one wasn't as good. It played out like a bad spy movie.
Mater was mistaken for a spy. And by the time everyone figured out what was going on it was too late, Mater had to act like a spy. There were car chases (of course), there was shooting and there were ridiculous plot leaps that made no sense, just to keep the action going.
That said, I liked the movie, it was cute, it was fun and there were enough jokes designed to keep the adults interested, that went right over the kids' heads, like Mater on a bidet.
There was also the hidden environmental agenda storyline targeting the parents.
The whole idea of the World Grand Prix was started by a billionaire who had discovered a new clean fuel which would eliminate the need for oil. But he turned out to be an evil oil baron who was sabotaging the racecars so the world would reject clean fuel forever.

But the important thing was Chase liked it, though he did get a little bored in the middle. He loved the car racing scenes, they were loud (at one point he covered his ears), colorful and he knew a lot of the racecars because we bought him the toys before the movie. I think it would have been good in 3-D (though we thought we should ease into that) because the cars drove towards the front of the screen, there was water splashing and guns firing.



Chase also loved the experience. He loved the popcorn. He loved the cushy seat. He loved the big screen. Hopefully he will always remember his first movie.