Poopfest is finally here, today at 4pm.
See you then.
Guess which shirt I'll be wearing.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Friday, September 04, 2009
Get in the Game
I signed up for four different ESPN.com games (college football challenge, college pickem, pigskin pickem and eliminator challenge).
I created groups for all four games, they're all called Paul's Poop and you should join me in them.
I created groups for all four games, they're all called Paul's Poop and you should join me in them.
The Koos is Going to the Hoosegow
Jerry Koosman, a member of the 1969 World Series champion "Miracle Mets," was sentenced to six months in prison for nonpayment of taxes.
Before being sentenced, Koosman who lives on income from Social Security and occasional appearance fees, apologized.
"Like most people in their sixties, I've made some bad decisions in my life. I shouldn't have listened to those people about the tax returns, but I did, and I take full responsibility," he said in court.
Judge Barbara Crabb of the U.S. District Court handed Koosman a six-month prison sentence and one year of supervised probation, calling his crime "a serious blemish on an otherwise outstanding life."
She told him he would have to work out his debts with U.S. tax authorities.
Koosman pleaded guilty in May to a tax evasion charge for failing to file federal tax returns between 2002 and 2004, defrauding the government out of as much as $80,000.
Koosman said he had researched tax laws and concluded that only federal workers, corporate employees and District of Columbia residents were subject to federal taxes, according to court papers.
I felt sorry for the Koos until I read that last paragraph, he used the Wesley Snipes defense? Dude, everyone has to pay taxes. Show me in the tax code where it says you don't have to pay taxes on income earned at card shows? Just because it's cash these guys seem to think they can get away with it. Insane.
And he was just at the '69 Mets celebration two weeks ago.
Before being sentenced, Koosman who lives on income from Social Security and occasional appearance fees, apologized.
"Like most people in their sixties, I've made some bad decisions in my life. I shouldn't have listened to those people about the tax returns, but I did, and I take full responsibility," he said in court.
Judge Barbara Crabb of the U.S. District Court handed Koosman a six-month prison sentence and one year of supervised probation, calling his crime "a serious blemish on an otherwise outstanding life."
She told him he would have to work out his debts with U.S. tax authorities.
Koosman pleaded guilty in May to a tax evasion charge for failing to file federal tax returns between 2002 and 2004, defrauding the government out of as much as $80,000.
Koosman said he had researched tax laws and concluded that only federal workers, corporate employees and District of Columbia residents were subject to federal taxes, according to court papers.
I felt sorry for the Koos until I read that last paragraph, he used the Wesley Snipes defense? Dude, everyone has to pay taxes. Show me in the tax code where it says you don't have to pay taxes on income earned at card shows? Just because it's cash these guys seem to think they can get away with it. Insane.
And he was just at the '69 Mets celebration two weeks ago.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
This is All I Know
Sharp-tongued radio host Don Imus has signed a multiyear deal with Fox Business Network to simulcast his popular radio program, the network announced today. Imus, who recently ended a similar arrangement with RFD-TV, a rural cable network, will join the FBN lineup Oct. 5.
“I love Fox,” Imus said in a statement. “Roger Ailes is the preeminent genius of American broadcasting. Who wouldn't want to do this?"
The network will air “Imus in the Morning” from 6 to 9 a.m., replacing part of “Fox Business Morning” and “Money for Breakfast.” Anchors Jenna Lee, Connell McShane and Ashley Webster will appear during Imus’ program to report on breaking financial news. Imus also plans to incorporate more business news into his program, which is syndicated by Citadel Media.
“We’re excited to welcome a renowned broadcaster like Don Imus to the Fox Business team,” said Kevin Magee, FBN’s executive vice president. “His 40 years of on-air experience combined with his superb interviewing skills and capitalist sensibilities will be a great addition to our lineup.”
As always, use discretion with your comments.
“I love Fox,” Imus said in a statement. “Roger Ailes is the preeminent genius of American broadcasting. Who wouldn't want to do this?"
The network will air “Imus in the Morning” from 6 to 9 a.m., replacing part of “Fox Business Morning” and “Money for Breakfast.” Anchors Jenna Lee, Connell McShane and Ashley Webster will appear during Imus’ program to report on breaking financial news. Imus also plans to incorporate more business news into his program, which is syndicated by Citadel Media.
“We’re excited to welcome a renowned broadcaster like Don Imus to the Fox Business team,” said Kevin Magee, FBN’s executive vice president. “His 40 years of on-air experience combined with his superb interviewing skills and capitalist sensibilities will be a great addition to our lineup.”
As always, use discretion with your comments.
Smarter Than the Average Bear
A bear wandered into a skate park in Colorado and couldn't get out.
Police dropped a ladder into the skate park then sat back and watched as the bear climbed it, then wandered off back into the woods where he came from.
Police dropped a ladder into the skate park then sat back and watched as the bear climbed it, then wandered off back into the woods where he came from.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Mem's Tax Dollars at Work
While Connecticut House Minority Leader Lawrence Cafero was speaking about the state's budget, two Democrats, Barbara Lambert and Jack Hennessy were playing solitaire.
And the guy behind them who was lucky enough to not have been seen in this photo, is checking out ESPN.com.
And the guy behind them who was lucky enough to not have been seen in this photo, is checking out ESPN.com.
Song of the Week
"I'm Still in Love With You" - New Edition
"I'm still the man for you
And I'm still the man that's true
And I'm still the man who's lucky
And I'm still in love with you."
"I'm still the man for you
And I'm still the man that's true
And I'm still the man who's lucky
And I'm still in love with you."
What Do You Give Me For? David Wright and the Great Gazoo
David Wright's new protective batting helmet kind of makes him look like the Great Gazoo from "The Flintstones."
Monday, August 31, 2009
And You Thought My Unicorns Were Bad
European candy company Haribo have received complaints that the pictures on the packages of its MAOAM (palindrome alert!) sour candies depict fruits engage in sex acts.
In one, a lime seems to be forcefully fucking a lemon. In another, that same lime is popping two cherries.
In one, a lime seems to be forcefully fucking a lemon. In another, that same lime is popping two cherries.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thank God for Fake Tits
Mrs. Poop told me not to post this because she didn't think I could handle it with the delicacy it deserves.
By now you have heard about the grisly murder of model Jasmine Fiore by her crazed boyfriend Ryan Jenkins, a contestant on the reality show "Megan Wants a Millionaire."
I won't go into all the gory details but because the psycho murderer has removed her fingers and teeth authorities had to identify her body based on the serial numbers on her breast implants.
Another reason ladies should get fake titties.
By now you have heard about the grisly murder of model Jasmine Fiore by her crazed boyfriend Ryan Jenkins, a contestant on the reality show "Megan Wants a Millionaire."
I won't go into all the gory details but because the psycho murderer has removed her fingers and teeth authorities had to identify her body based on the serial numbers on her breast implants.
Another reason ladies should get fake titties.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thank God for Mario Chalmers
News Memphis will vacate 38 wins and a Final Four four appearance was met with a shrug around college basketball circles.
Truth is, most top programs cheat in recruiting and seek to cover up academic failings as well. Point guard Derrick Rose had his SAT taken by someone else, therefore he's ineligble, therefore all those games he played in are stricken from the team's record.
But look at it this way: what if Mario Chalmers's shot didn't go in.
Instead of Memphis being one of nearly a dozen teams to vacate a Final Four appearance, they could have been the first team to vacate an NCAA title.
If that were the case NCAA rules state the team would be stripped of its title, the runner-up will not get elevated and there will be no champion for that year.
It's only a matter of time.
Truth is, most top programs cheat in recruiting and seek to cover up academic failings as well. Point guard Derrick Rose had his SAT taken by someone else, therefore he's ineligble, therefore all those games he played in are stricken from the team's record.
But look at it this way: what if Mario Chalmers's shot didn't go in.
Instead of Memphis being one of nearly a dozen teams to vacate a Final Four appearance, they could have been the first team to vacate an NCAA title.
If that were the case NCAA rules state the team would be stripped of its title, the runner-up will not get elevated and there will be no champion for that year.
It's only a matter of time.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Madoff's Gift to Mets Fans
Fred Wilpon may be forced to sell the Mets because of losses he suffered in the Bernie Madoff Ponzi Scheme.
Erin Arvedlund author of "Too Good to Be True," one of several recent books about Madoff says of a possible sale of the Mets, "It's a matter of when. It could be as soon as next year."
She says the Wilpons lost as much as $700m in Madoff-related investments.
The Wilpons have pegged their losses at $300m and said the losses were in other businesses and would have no impact on the operation of the Mets.
Many Mets fans have criticized the Wilpons for being frugal, dating all the way back to the A-Rod situation. I think the Wilpons have for the most part acted judiciously in their spending (they did sign Santana to the biggest contract ever given to a pitcher, and gave K-Rod $15m per year) but many fans want them to act spend the Yankees, and that is never going to happen.
Even though they are in the same city the Mets' revenue will always be much less.
Many fans wanted the team to sign Manny Ramirez and Orlando Hudson in the offseason, moves I would have liked as well. But it's hard to call them cheap with the third biggest payroll in the majors. What they should do is stop wasting money and guys like Carlos Delgado and Luis Castillo and probably even Oliver Perez (though I endorsed that move), so they can use it to sign good players.
That said, I would love to see an ownership change, preferably to someone who will give his underlings the time and money to build a powerhouse team over the long-term.
Erin Arvedlund author of "Too Good to Be True," one of several recent books about Madoff says of a possible sale of the Mets, "It's a matter of when. It could be as soon as next year."
She says the Wilpons lost as much as $700m in Madoff-related investments.
The Wilpons have pegged their losses at $300m and said the losses were in other businesses and would have no impact on the operation of the Mets.
Many Mets fans have criticized the Wilpons for being frugal, dating all the way back to the A-Rod situation. I think the Wilpons have for the most part acted judiciously in their spending (they did sign Santana to the biggest contract ever given to a pitcher, and gave K-Rod $15m per year) but many fans want them to act spend the Yankees, and that is never going to happen.
Even though they are in the same city the Mets' revenue will always be much less.
Many fans wanted the team to sign Manny Ramirez and Orlando Hudson in the offseason, moves I would have liked as well. But it's hard to call them cheap with the third biggest payroll in the majors. What they should do is stop wasting money and guys like Carlos Delgado and Luis Castillo and probably even Oliver Perez (though I endorsed that move), so they can use it to sign good players.
That said, I would love to see an ownership change, preferably to someone who will give his underlings the time and money to build a powerhouse team over the long-term.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Man or Lady?
South African sprinting sensation Caster Semenya is too good.
After blowing away the field in the 800m race, opponents questioned Semenya's performance.
Now Semenya is being tested -- not for drugs -- for a dick.
Or as one article put it "to see if she meets the qualifications to compete as a female."
I think the qualifications to compete as a female should be the presence of a vagina.
The questions about Semenya may seem insulting but they're pretty sensible when you consider she was a virtual unknown in January, and now she is the world champion. She also has some physical characteristics of a man (facial structure and build) and a deeper voice than most 18-year old girls.
There's a few scenarios possible here:
1) she's a girl, and this whole thing is very embarrassing for her
That's an open and shut scenario, apologize and let her run
2) she's a dude given female hormones so she can compete as a lady, which is obvious cheating
This seems most likely to me, and would probably show up on tests as having an unnaturally high level of testosterone
3) she was born as some kind of unusual but not entirely unheard of intersexed person
This is most intriguing, and perhaps entirely possible. She could have what is called "ambiguous genitalia," which is usually an enlarged clitoris. Then DNA tests would have to determine if she has XX or XY chromosomes and if that should be the determining factor in deciding her gender and qualifications for competition.
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After blowing away the field in the 800m race, opponents questioned Semenya's performance.
Now Semenya is being tested -- not for drugs -- for a dick.
Or as one article put it "to see if she meets the qualifications to compete as a female."
I think the qualifications to compete as a female should be the presence of a vagina.
The questions about Semenya may seem insulting but they're pretty sensible when you consider she was a virtual unknown in January, and now she is the world champion. She also has some physical characteristics of a man (facial structure and build) and a deeper voice than most 18-year old girls.
There's a few scenarios possible here:
1) she's a girl, and this whole thing is very embarrassing for her
That's an open and shut scenario, apologize and let her run
2) she's a dude given female hormones so she can compete as a lady, which is obvious cheating
This seems most likely to me, and would probably show up on tests as having an unnaturally high level of testosterone
3) she was born as some kind of unusual but not entirely unheard of intersexed person
This is most intriguing, and perhaps entirely possible. She could have what is called "ambiguous genitalia," which is usually an enlarged clitoris. Then DNA tests would have to determine if she has XX or XY chromosomes and if that should be the determining factor in deciding her gender and qualifications for competition.
.jpg)
Turning the Page to Poopfest
Now that Chase's birthday is out of the way I've turned my attention to Poopfest. I know a lot of you have told me in person you would be coming, but if you could be kind enough to reply in the comments section of this post, or the other one, I'd appreciate it because I really can't remember who told me what and Mrs. Poop is going to yell at me, and I'm not going to know how much food to buy.
If you haven't RSVPed by Monday I'm going to have to e-mail you to make sure you read this post.
Thanks.
Once again the date is September 5th, the time is 4pm and the address is being withheld but if you need it, please e-mail me.
If you haven't RSVPed by Monday I'm going to have to e-mail you to make sure you read this post.
Thanks.
Once again the date is September 5th, the time is 4pm and the address is being withheld but if you need it, please e-mail me.
Terry McDonnell Knows Which Way the Wind Blows
Interesting decision this week by Sports Illustrated managing editor Terry McDonnell. Not only did the magazine elect not to cover the Brett Favre return (maybe they felt burned by him, maybe they knew people were tired of the story, maybe they knew they'd be at least a week late on the story) but they actually put an image on the cover denoting it a "100% Favre-free issue."
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Can't Even Afford to Cry in Our Beer
The nation's top brewers plan to raise prices this fall.
Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors both say they're going to raise prices.
Anheuser-Busch said in a statement it plans on raising prices on a majority of its volume in the bulk of its markets this fall to cover some increases in its costs.
Sales of Miller Lite -- MillerCoors' flagship -- and Bud Light -- the top brand for Anheuser-Busch -- have both been suffering amid the recession.
Prices across all beers, however, have been rising. In 2008 the price of beer, ale, and other malt beverages sold for at-home consumption rose 5.3 percent, according to the government's Consumer Price Index. As of July, prices on those same items were 4.6 percent higher than they were a year ago.
Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors both say they're going to raise prices.
Anheuser-Busch said in a statement it plans on raising prices on a majority of its volume in the bulk of its markets this fall to cover some increases in its costs.
Sales of Miller Lite -- MillerCoors' flagship -- and Bud Light -- the top brand for Anheuser-Busch -- have both been suffering amid the recession.
Prices across all beers, however, have been rising. In 2008 the price of beer, ale, and other malt beverages sold for at-home consumption rose 5.3 percent, according to the government's Consumer Price Index. As of July, prices on those same items were 4.6 percent higher than they were a year ago.
Read This Before You Regurgitate the Populist Viewpoint
Everyone is going nuts about the severity of Plaxico Burress's prison sentence and comparing it to Donte Stallworth's.
First of all, when handing out sentences prosecutors don't (and shouldn't) consult the sentences given for completely different crimes in completely different states, just because the two defendants happen to be in the same profession.
Also, sentences are not based on the results of criminal activity, only on the criminal activity itself. There isn't (nor should there be) a "no harm, no foul" rule (or in this case, "harm only to you, no foul) in the sentencing guidelines. For example, should we only punish drunk drivers who get into accidents?
The fact is Burress brought a loaded gun (no safety), without proper permits town, into a crowded nightclub. He could have shot and killed an innocent person, which is why he had to go to jail. Maybe the length of his sentence is a bit severe, but you do the crime, you do the time.
As for Donte Stallworth, like everyone else I was outraged he only got 30 days (served 24, I believed) for killing someone. But there are some extenuating circumstances here. First and I believe most importantly, there is surveillance video tape of the accident, and it shows the victim, Mario Reyes, did in fact dart out in front of Stallworth's car, and he failed to use the crosswalk.
Now that doesn't absolve Stallworth of guilt for driving while intoxicated but it does complicate matters because perhaps the same accident would have occurred with a sober Stallworth behind the wheel. Or a sober me, or sober you.
Second, Stallworth paid an undisclosed (though presumably large) amount of money to the Reyes family in a civil settlement. While this feels unseemly, it works out best for both parties. The Reyeses, poor immigrants, lost their main breadwinner. He's never coming back whether Stallworth goes to jail for 30 days or 30 years. So why not let them be taken care of financially in retribution for this horrible accident.
To recap, Burress got a fair sentence -- maybe a little harsh -- Stallworth got a light sentence due to extenuating circumstances, but more importantly -- they have nothing to do with each other and once again the uneducated in the sports media have no idea what they are talking about.
First of all, when handing out sentences prosecutors don't (and shouldn't) consult the sentences given for completely different crimes in completely different states, just because the two defendants happen to be in the same profession.
Also, sentences are not based on the results of criminal activity, only on the criminal activity itself. There isn't (nor should there be) a "no harm, no foul" rule (or in this case, "harm only to you, no foul) in the sentencing guidelines. For example, should we only punish drunk drivers who get into accidents?
The fact is Burress brought a loaded gun (no safety), without proper permits town, into a crowded nightclub. He could have shot and killed an innocent person, which is why he had to go to jail. Maybe the length of his sentence is a bit severe, but you do the crime, you do the time.
As for Donte Stallworth, like everyone else I was outraged he only got 30 days (served 24, I believed) for killing someone. But there are some extenuating circumstances here. First and I believe most importantly, there is surveillance video tape of the accident, and it shows the victim, Mario Reyes, did in fact dart out in front of Stallworth's car, and he failed to use the crosswalk.
Now that doesn't absolve Stallworth of guilt for driving while intoxicated but it does complicate matters because perhaps the same accident would have occurred with a sober Stallworth behind the wheel. Or a sober me, or sober you.
Second, Stallworth paid an undisclosed (though presumably large) amount of money to the Reyes family in a civil settlement. While this feels unseemly, it works out best for both parties. The Reyeses, poor immigrants, lost their main breadwinner. He's never coming back whether Stallworth goes to jail for 30 days or 30 years. So why not let them be taken care of financially in retribution for this horrible accident.
To recap, Burress got a fair sentence -- maybe a little harsh -- Stallworth got a light sentence due to extenuating circumstances, but more importantly -- they have nothing to do with each other and once again the uneducated in the sports media have no idea what they are talking about.
Classic Poop: The Day I Met Senator Ted Kennedy
Originally posted on June 16, 2006:
Today I met Splash. Splash is the dog of Senator Ted Kennedy. Splash is the author of a new children's book, called "My Senator and Me." It's written from the dog's perspective so I guess its a good book for dogs to read also.
Sen. Kennedy was very gracious, standing up to greet us (even though he has a back problem) and introducing himself and his wife to all of us. The dogs (Splash's brother Sunny came too) sat at the Senator's feet while he was eating fruit, even tapping him on the leg to get some. When I asked what kind of dogs they are Senator Kennedy said "Portguese water dogs."
I said "those are the dogs they have in San Francisco..."
He said "yes, at the ballpark to fetch the balls from the water. They're very strong swimmers."
His wife then got the dogs to do a trick. She broke a biscuit in half, they immediately followed her. They both went from sitting to the down position. She placed the biscuit halves about 6 inches from their noses. They waited patiently. She clapped and they pounced. Great dogs.
During the interview Splash sat quietly under the Senator's feet and played with his tennis ball.
I really liked the Senator and it just goes to show that your impression of someone from the media can be totally wrong. Knowing about someone is not the same as knowing them. And just because you disagree with someone's politics doesn't mean that he is not a good person.
Today I met Splash. Splash is the dog of Senator Ted Kennedy. Splash is the author of a new children's book, called "My Senator and Me." It's written from the dog's perspective so I guess its a good book for dogs to read also.
Sen. Kennedy was very gracious, standing up to greet us (even though he has a back problem) and introducing himself and his wife to all of us. The dogs (Splash's brother Sunny came too) sat at the Senator's feet while he was eating fruit, even tapping him on the leg to get some. When I asked what kind of dogs they are Senator Kennedy said "Portguese water dogs."
I said "those are the dogs they have in San Francisco..."
He said "yes, at the ballpark to fetch the balls from the water. They're very strong swimmers."
His wife then got the dogs to do a trick. She broke a biscuit in half, they immediately followed her. They both went from sitting to the down position. She placed the biscuit halves about 6 inches from their noses. They waited patiently. She clapped and they pounced. Great dogs.
During the interview Splash sat quietly under the Senator's feet and played with his tennis ball.
I really liked the Senator and it just goes to show that your impression of someone from the media can be totally wrong. Knowing about someone is not the same as knowing them. And just because you disagree with someone's politics doesn't mean that he is not a good person.
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