Curtis Brinkley Gets Shot

Former Syracuse running back Curtis Brinkley was shot by his sister's ex-boyfriend.
Police believe it was a case of mistaken identity that caused her baby daddy to shoot Brinkley, believing he was shooting her new boyfriend.
Doctors were unable to remove all of the bullet because of its proximity to Brinkley's heart.
Brinkley had signed a two year free agent contract with the San Diego Chargers but he may never be able to play football again.



An affidavit attached to the criminal complaint gives an account of events just after midnight July 9 in the 7700 block of Spring Avenue, in Philadelphia.

Anthony Peterson had argued with the player's sister, Niveka Cason, over a man, identified as Jamal Hinson, whom she was seeing. Peterson also called Hinson that night to challenge him about the relationship.

Hinson offered to pick up Cason after work at an adult-care center, but she had already called Brinkley. When Brinkley arrived, Peterson was lurking behind bushes on Chapel Road with a clear view of Spring Avenue.

Two of the three rounds fired from a .357 Magnum revolver lodged in the car. The other hit Brinkley in the shoulder area before going deeper into his chest. He was treated at Albert Einstein Medical Center.

Hinson told police that he got a text message from Peterson several days later. "I got the wrong one last time, but I didn't forget about you," the text said.

Detectives who combed the lawn and leaf bags from the Chapel Road area at the township dump recovered the revolver, the papers said, and ballistic tests showed that the .357 was the weapon used to shoot Brinkley.

Brinkley is recovering at the home of his grandmother and is about to begin physical therapy.

Rick Pitino Admits Affair

Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino is finally admitting an affair he had six years ago.
Pitino now says he had sex with Karen Cunagin Sypher at a restaurant in 2003 and he later gave her $3,000 to have an abortion.
This sheds light on an ongoing situation in which she accused Pitino of rape and he accused her of extortion.

But here's where this thing gets strange. Two weeks (not possible) after they had sex she called Pitino and said she was pregnant.
Pitino agreed to meet her at the condo of Louisville's strength coach, Tim Sypher.
Yes, they have the same last name because they later got married.

That's right Pitino calls this guy and says "bitch says I raped her, damn, why she wanna stick me for my paper?", they use his house as the rendezvous spot and he falls in love with her. Crazy.

There was a witness at the restaurant that night. After everyone left, the owner gave Pitino the keys to lock up. Pitino's assistant Vinnie Tatum stayed around too, perhaps hoping he and Coach P could give her the Eiffel tower.
Tatum says he didn't see nothin' that night except "the sounds of two people [who] seemed to be enjoying themselves during a sexual encounter."

Btw, Pitino is the married father of five. And in our society today he will probably be judged more harshly for funding the abortion than for fucking this woman in the first place.

Song of the Week

"Summer in the City" - Lovin Spoonful
The grittier sound in this song is a departure from the band's jug band roots and earlier hits, particularly "Do You Believe in Magic?"
As the music sound turned in the late 60s the band saw the industry pass them by (helped along by a drug bust that forced the band to break up).
Lead singer John Sebastian had a number one hit in the 70s with "Welcome Back" the theme to "Welcome Back Kotter."
I think of this song everyday when commuting to Manhattan in 90 degree heat.

Reggie Miller Called Out

Reggie Miller met Ali Kay at a party last year. Then he saw her again at a store this spring and waited an hour for her to come out. Then he sent her 53 text messages (how'd he get her number?) in four hours. And when her boyfriend told him to back off he threatened him.
So the boyfriend prepared a restraining order (but never filed it), instead electing to fly this banner of LA: Reggie Miller stop pursuing married women.
The boyfriend, now fiance, is Alex Von Furstenberg, son of Diane Von Furstenberg and Barry Diller, meaning he is about 20 times as rich as Reggie Miller.
Reggie's story is totally different. He says he met Ali at a Lakers game and she went back to his house. Then she sent him sexy photos of herself and then kept texting him.



Now you must want to know what this woman looks like right?

Mazel Tov to Big Pelf

Mets starting pitcher Mike Pelfrey and his wife welcoming a new baby boy this week.
And here's where the Universe started to have some fun with us.
Little Pelf was delivered by the same doctor who delivered Little Reissberg.
The Pelfreys named him Chase.
Chase Pelfrey weighed in at 7 pounds 14 ounces, the exact birhweight of my Chase.
Mike will miss his scheduled start in San Diego on Saturday and instead will pitch Monday against Arizona in Chase Field.

If the Fires Don't Get You the Ovarian Cysts Will

You migth remember this picture of a poor little koala burned in a fire, rehydrated by a nice fireman. That little act of kindness bought Sam six more months on this earth. But destiny caught up with her, she died of ovarian cysts.

She'll Be Annoying the Reissbergs for the Next Few Years

"Elmo, long the trade mark character -- and cash cow -- of "Sesame Street," is getting competition.
When the popular children's program returns for its 41st season in November, Elmo will be sharing the spotlight for the first time with another puppet, a 3-year-old fairy-in-training, Abby Cadabby.
The purple-and-pink, pigtailed pixie is getting her own daily segment -- a strapping nine-minutes long -- on the long-running PBS series.
Though Sesame Street officials are reluctant to say it, it now appears that a new character is being prepared as the show's next big thing.
"She is fearless and curious -- like Gracie Allen meets Daffy Duck," says puppeteer Leslie Carerra-Rudolph, who has voiced the cuddle-ready character since she was introduced in 2006.
In just three years, Abby has been splashed on everything from toddler T-shirts and DVDs to a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. She is also a fan favorite on the Sesame Street Live tour."



I love "Sesame Street" and frequently watch it with Chase. The show is smart, educational and full of great spoofs. Some of the puppets can be annoying (though I love Telly and Baby Bear) but Abby Cadabby is by far the most irritating character on any TV show.

First of all, she's a fairy, but she screws up all her spells and turns everything into a pumpkin. Her voice is grating too. And most importantly, she always forgets the number and letter of the day. The only good thing about her is that she loves to read and loves words, especially "silly words like plop and poodles."

While Elmo's World can be a little much at times, I can't imagine what they are going to do for 9 minutes with an inept fairy.

I've Seen A Lot on NYC Subways

But today was the first time there was ever a mariachi band in my car. I wanted to ask them if they knew "na na nanana nanana nanuh."
But we were already at 34th street. I didn't even have time to take a picture.

I Can't Believe I Even Have to Put This To a Vote

Other than the surprise that Kara actually wore a bikini and the hatred for Bikini girl's tired gimmick and annoying voice, there is no way anyone can Kara has a better bikini body than Katrina Darrell.

Song of the Week

"Make You Crazy" - Brett Dennen
Nice cameo by Mandy Moore, her sexy feet and of course her huge boobs.

What Do You Give Me For? Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel

What do you give me for singer/slutbag Katy Perry and actress Zooey Deschanel (yes 2 Os is correct) star of "500 Days of Summer" (in which she says her nickname in college was "anal girl" -- because she was really neat) and "Elf" (Mrs. Poop's favorite holiday movie).






Lookalikes suggested by Jems who has a ridiculous crush on Katy Perry and got so excited when he thought she was the star of "500 Days of Summer" and is very disappointed that it is actually Zooey.

Our Long National Nightmare is Over

Paula Abdul is out of American Idol!
So happy

I think the plan by the producers to get rid of her has been in the works for several years. It started with the hiring of Kara continued with granting extensions to everyone but Paula and ended with a lowball contract offer. They didnkt want to fire her and look bad so they gave her an insulting offer knowing she would quit.

No one is going to miss Paula. I know some people say they like to watch a train wreck but it gets old after a while. The show will be so much less annoying without her.

The next problem is that Kara sucks and has no credibility with the male viewers after ripping off her clothes and getting embarrassed in comparison to Bikini Girl's smoking body.

And since the producers now are out on a limb for Kara they will never admit their mistake and get rid of her if she continues to annoy America the way she did last season.

The Almonds are on My Side

I've recently been involved in a heated (pun intended) debate with some people at work.
I sit here everyday sweating my balls off while they are huddled over their computers wrapped in blankets.
But I now [corrected] have evidence to support me.
A sign was taped to the candy dispenser in the kitchen.
In case this picture is unclear it says "During the warm weather, it may be necessary to firmly hit the globe a few times before you insert your quarter in order to loosen the product."



Warm weather? We're inside. Shouldn't there be air conditioning? Comfortable room temperature is between 68 and 72 degrees. I think it probably has to be close to 80 degrees before dark chocolate almonds would start melting together.

Tiger Rips One

Tiger Woods allegedly caught on camera farting at the Buick Open



I can believe some people actually think this is a real fart. No one, not even the great Tiger Woods farts like that. I think someone in the gallery downloaded the iFart application on their iPhone and let one rip during a quiet moment. Loud enough for Tiger to hear it and make him laugh, but no way that was real, unless the camera was literally up his ass.

Funny or Douchey?

Mattress dominoes





At first when I saw this I thought douchey, but when I saw that some people set up too close the person in front of them and got wacked really hard in the torso by the falling mattress, I changed my vote to funny.

Seinfeld Reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm

Larry David tells E! about the running plotline for the new season of "Curb" which revolves around a "Seinfeld" reunion.

"The context is that for years I've been asked about a Seinfeld reunion," he says. "I would always say, 'No. There's not going to be a reunion show. We would never do that. It's a lame idea.' And then I thought it might be very funny to do that on Curb. I kept thinking about it. I started to think of different scenarios and how we can pull this off. I called Jerry and Jerry was game. I said, 'Well, I'll call the others.' And I did and we did it. So we're doing a Seinfeld reunion show on Curb."

"We're going to see writing. We'll see aspects of the read-through, parts of rehearsals. You'll see the show being filmed and you'll see it on TV. You won't see the entire show. You'll see parts of the show. You'll get an an idea of what happened 11 years later. It will be incorporated into regular Curb episodes, so the castmembers will be playing themselves on Curb while all of this is going on."

"The reunion is scattered through the season and I think the cast will be on five shows. All four won't be on all five shows. Jerry is on five shows; the others will be on at least four. The season finale will be about the reunion show. It could very well be [a one-hour episode], but I haven't finished editing it yet. But that's a good possibility."

When asked why he finally caved, he says, "That will be answered in one of the episodes. That's a big thing because I would never do that. So there's a compelling reason as to why I decided to do it."

"Coming up with the right ideas for what's happened in the 11 years, that took some thought. Three of the guys working on my show as executive producers were also producers on Seinfeld. I think we came up with some interesting stuff."

He says "it's possible" there will be a mention of Richards sordid past.
So will the character Larry ruin the reunion of the Seinfeld cast? He adds, with an evil laugh, "He might. My guy might consider wrecking something like that. We'll see what happens. My guy could very well wreck it. I'm not saying he did. I don't know."

Will the reunion be any good? "Yeah, you mean as opposed to the finale?" jokes Larry. "It's good. I think the reunion is pretty good."

I Hope No One Gets a Splinter

I missed a couple hairs while shaving, and the offending follicles were disturbing me so greatly at work that I went to the first aid kit and took the plastic disposable tweezers in an effort to pluck the hairs. Unfortunately it didn't work and the hairs are still sticking out of my cheek.

I Hope the Mets Get the Next Firing Right

The Mets screwed up the Willie Randolph firing but doing it in the middle of the night after a cross-country trip.
Now they screwed up the Tony Bernazard firing by calling out Adam Rubin during the press conference.
Hopefully they'll get it right when they fire Omar Minaya.

I think Omar is on the hook despite his 3-year contract because of the poor performance of the team, but ownership seems more concerned about the embarrassment he brings to the organization.

But here's something no one is talking about in this whole Adam Rubin incident: it's true that Adam Rubin went to Jeff Wilpon (and maybe others) and at the least asked for career advice, and at the most it could have been interpreted the way Omar said it, he was lobbying for a front office job.

Now that doesn't excuse Omar for calling Rubin out like that, it definitely should have been handled in private. And it certainly doesn't mean what Rubin wrote about Bernazard was false, because we can pretty safely assume it was all true.

But I want Omar judged on his moves as GM, not on the way he handles the press. I personally hate the way Omar has shaped this team, spending millions on aging vets then bitching when they get hurt. I want a GM who gets rid of his old players for younger ones, lets them develop, then adds top-shelf veterans to fill out a championship roster. I think Wright and Reyes satisfy the first part, and Santana and K-Rod the second but the Mets still have some holes to fill, especially those occupied right now by lackluster veterans Luis Castillo, Brian Schneider and Livan Hernandez.

Finally Freedo, Nails and JLeary Can Be Proud of Their Alma Mater

Congratulations to the Penn State Poopheads for their school being recognized as the number one party school in America.
I can't deny that on my one trip there the guys showed me a great time.
I have often criticized Penn State's doddering old fool of a football coach, Joe Paterno.
He recently referred to Twitter as "twiddle-doo or tweedle-dee," though some say he was just putting on and knows what it is.
Either way, I'm going on record giving Penn State credit for being a great party school.
Maybe now the Nittany Poopheads will admit it's a horrible academic school.

Beer Summit Update

For the record, it was Bud Light for Obama, Sam Adams Light for Gates, Blue Moon for Crowley and nonalcoholic Buckler for Biden.
I'm glad Gates decided not to go with the Red Stripe.
Why did Biden drink a non-alcoholic beer? Is he in recovery? [Update: Biden has alcoholism in his family so he doesn't drink. There are reports he's never tasted alcohol but I didn't see that anywhere reliable enough to believe it.]
I also would have liked to see them go with bottles and not mugs. It would have been more fitting of the spirit of this "boys night out." This way seems like Michelle nagged him to use the mugs -- and of course the coasters.



And who shows up in a suit when someone invites you to their house for a beer?

Tonight's Beer Summit

I am greatly looking forward to tonight's Beer Summit between President Obama, Professor Henry Louis Gates and Sargeant James Crowley, the cop who arrested Gates for breaking into his own home.

I like the idea because I think a lot of the racial problems in this country could be solved by white people and black people getting together for a beer, proverbially of course. But if white people and black people interacted more they'd realize we're not all that different, and we don't all hate the others.

My only problem is the President's reluctance to name his favorite beer for fear of offending someone. I think the President and the Administration try a little too hard to do the popular and politically correct thing, especially annoying when it involves something as stupid as the President's favorite beer.

Speaking of favorite beers, Crowley prefers Blue Moon (hopefully with orange slices) and Gates likes Red Stripe.

Which is humorous because last weekend Pizza Parlor Derek and I were making fun of a guy at the next table for ordering a Red Stripe.

But what nerve these guys have to request their own preferred beers while drinking at Obama's house. Social ettiquette requries that when you go to someone's house you drink whatever they serve. And if you want a special brand of beer, you bring it yourself. Wouldn't that be awesome to see Gates strolling into the White House toting a 6-pack of Red Stripe in a paper bag?

Diesel's Hanukah Present

A Brazilian company named PetSmiling has come up with what I hope is the world's first dog sex toy.

Made out of soft rubber, it comes in the shape of a girl dog, with all the right parts, including “a silicone vagina and an easy to clean reservoir.”

From the press release:

"You may know or have probably heard about these dolls for men that are very popular in Sex Shops around the world. There are inflatable ones, full-body, silicone, as well as other models. So now the first doll for dogs has been launched in Brazil. That’s right, a doll for dogs to practice safe sex. The majority of non-neutered dogs spend a good chunk of time looking for something to hump. They try pillows, furry creatures, people’s legs and even other animals.

When a dog tries to hump legs, stuffed animals and other objects, he cannot reach an ejaculation. With the DoggieLoverDoll he can. Human beings have their hands to masturbate themselves, now the domestic animals, which have practically no contact with females in heat, can alleviate themselves with a toy designed specifically for them. Dogs have a great sexual appetite and this novelty, surely will better their lives."

Erin Andrews 911 Call

Our favorite naked sportscaster called 911 because some paparazzi were camped outside her house in her gated community.
First thing she says is "I'm all over the news." And she seems disappointed the dispatcher has never heard of her.

Song of the Week

"Video" - India.Arie

I like music with a positive message. Of all the songs I've ever heard I can't remember one with a more positive message than expressed in this song. Every young girl should be forced to listen to this song everyday -- we'd have a lot fewer teenage sluts were that the case.

"Don't need your silicone
I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine."

Funny or Douchey?

We saw this license plate on a car while we were up in Maine.
It reads OWW-D and it adorns an Audi (get it?)

This is the Greatest Tournament in the World

With the debut of the 2009 World Series of Poker on ESPN tonight, it also signals the return of my favorite color commentator in any sport, Norman Chad.
From his witty aphorisms, to his catchphrases (an ace and an ace only, wamboozled, swagglefoosed) to his ex-wife jokes, few things are more enjoyable than listening to Chad's self-deprecating humor and insightful commentary.

Note: my favorite Chad-ism of all-time occurred during the 2005 Main Event. Bing Wang was late returning to his table and Andy Black asked his table to stall so wang wouldn't be blinded out. When they refused Black became so upset he was moved to tears.
That's when Chad said "Look, I like Bing Wang as much as the next guy but if he's not here he's not here."

I am a little disappointed with ESPN's decision to scale their coverage back this year. They are only showing the 40k anniversary event, a special event for only Main Event champs and the Ante Up for Africa charity tournament. No bracelet events, not even the 50k HORSE which is too bad because it was a doozy this year even though the finalists were relatively unknown.

Coverage of the Main Event begins on August 18th, and leads up until November, when the final 9 will battle it out.

Whether you already know who is in the November Nine (like me) or you are desperately hoping SCZA won't spoil it for you (like Jems), enjoy Norman Chad for the next 3 1/2 months.

Poopfest

Saturday, September 5th, at the Poop house.
In order to make this year's Poopfest more kid-friendly we'll be starting at 4pm, and I will be barbecuing various meat products.
Because of this I will need an accurate count of who is coming.
So please use the comments section to RSVP.
I need to know if you are coming, but also if you aren't.
Otherwise I will have to contact you to make sure you saw the post.
Believe it or not some people whom I might consider friends and want at Poopfest, don't necessarily read the Poop and feel excluded when I use this forum to break news.
So everyone who doesn't reply in say the next two weeks, is going to get a nasty e-mail from me, so you might as well just state your intentions.
I'll leave the link to this post in the header at the top of the page so it can be easily found.

Because of the vagaries of kashrut I ask that you not bring anything.
But if due to your strict Chinese upbringing (you know who you are) you cannot go to someone's house as a guest and not bring anything or you bring shame and dishonor to your family, then bring beer, I guess.

We hope to see as many of you as possible.

And those of you needing my address (which I choose not to disclose in this forum) should contact me via e-mail or Facebook.

Also, for out-of-town guests, the Poop Motel will have limited availability so if you want to stay overnight with us please reserve your room as soon as possible.

Paulo's Book Club: "Entwined Lives"

"Consider the case of the so-called Jim Twins, which appears in the book Entwined Lives by Nancy L. Segal, director of the Twin Studies Center at Cal State-Fullerton. Split up at four weeks and then living separately for 39 years without knowledge of one another, the men, both named Jim, married women named Linda, divorced them and then married women named Betty. They gave their sons the same name. The twins smoked the same brand of cigarettes, drank the same brand of beer. They vacationed at the same Florida beach and drove light-blue Chevrolets."



That's the paragraph (from a Sports Illustrated article on the Sedin Twins), that made me interested in reading "Entwined Lives" by Nancy Segal.
If that paragraph doesn't intrigue you then you are either dead or not very smart.
And the book was well worth it. Beyond just the Jim Twins there was the fascinating story of identical triplets, reared apart, who were reunited later in life and eventually went to work at the Concierge's favorite restaurant, Sammy's Roumanian, before starting their own, Triplets' Roumanian.
The chapter on twins reared apart was probably the most intellectually fascinating because that's Segal's area of expertise.
For instance, identical twins reared apart are more alike than even fraternal twins who were raised together, showing the impact of nature vs. nurture.

And that really is the main theme of the book, by looking at twins, especially identical twins reared apart, we can see how much of behavior, and physical appearance is influenced by genetics, and how much by environment.

The universiality of that theme makes the book a great read for singletons, but the book is a must-read for twins and parents of twins.

I know several families raising or expecting twins and I think they all would benefit from Segal's perspective on how to raise the kids, as it pertains to treating them equally while encouraging and preserving their own identities. Every parent of twins will someday be confronted with the following conundrum: when the kids are old enough to enter school, should they be placed in the same class, or separated? Nancy Segal has an answer.

There is one drawback in this book. Nancy Segal is a doctor, a researcher and an expert who has spent her entire career studying twins. She is not a writer. The book is somewhat hard to read because it is written with a lot of medical jargon. It goes heavy on the numbers and the research, and light on the anecdotes. You can skip some chapters, like the one on twins in the animal kingdom, but I wouldn't suggest that because you can learn great things such as: armadillos have kite-shaped uteruses.

I recommend this book whole-heartedly to twins and singletons alike. It is a must for people with twins and people with curious minds.

The Poop's Movie Reviews

Because we have built-in baby sitters on vacation Mrs. Poop and I took advantage of this opportunity to go see the movie everyone has been talking about, “The Hangover.”

But before I get into that let me first review a couple other movies we have seen recently and establish the baseline for the Poop movie rating system.

We start at 0 Poops with “Borat,” one of the worst movies ever without a single funny joke or redeeming quality.

Next on my scale is 1 Poop, which I generously give to “Napoleon Dynamite.” A movie only an idiot could love, but at least it had some cute moments and quotable lines.

With those parameters laid down, I give “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” 2 Poops. The first time we tried to watch this Mrs. Poop and I both fell asleep in the middle because it was so awful. And we both hated it so much we debated whether or not to even finish. Other than poking fun at a couple Israeli idiosyncracies like the “Going Out of Business” store, I found nothing funny about this movie at all.

Then there was “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” which I found to be really funny. Certain types of humor I just don’t enjoy like outrageous sight gags (Jason Segel’s cock, Russell Brandt humping a giant chess piece) and awkwardness (any scene involving Jonah Hill), but barring that I thought this movie was well-written, smart and had some hysterically funny moments. It gets 7 Poops.

Which leads me to “The Hangover.” I loved it, absolutely hysterical movie. An all-time great guy comedy. I can’t even point to specific jokes or scenes, the whole thing was hysterical, and the photo montage at the end was a great way to tie it together. Once again I could have done without the male nudity and some of it was derivative (the tiger in the car was stolen right from “Tommy Boy” only with a different animal so no one would notice). In fact, the whole thing lightly reeked of “Old School,” same director, and I believe same wedding singer, though that seemed more of an homage than a rip-off. I loved the cameos of Mike Tyson and Heather Graham’s nipple. I will start saying “your language is very offensive” whenever someone curses from now on. And I was actually quite glad a lot of the movie’s funniest parts were not given away in the trailer.



But the funniest part of the movie for me occurred thanks to Mrs. Poop. Right when Stu (Andy Bernard aka Ed Helms) was about to give the tiger the steak, she was anticipating a huge roar. And right when the tiger roared, Mrs. Poop let out the loudest, highest, shrillest shriek ever. Then she was so shocked and embarrassed she let out a yell that she laughed hysterically for about five minutes.



I’m not including that special moment in my review, but even without Mrs. Poop’s horrified yell, I still give “The Hangover” 8 Poops.

First Visit to CitiField

It was a long time overdue but on June 20th, I finally made my first trip to CitiField which in itself was long overdue.

Long overdue is a phrase that could easily be used to describe CitiField itself.

After years of suffering in Shea Stadium Mets fans are finally able to go watch our team in a beautiful ballpark with character.

The first key monument is the Jackie Robinson Rotunda just inside the stadium's entrance. But before that, you have to traverse the CitiField fanwalk a huge collectrion of bricks inscribed with personal messages. Because the bricks were't outrageously expensive, we decided to buy one for Papa Poop one Hanukah, so we located that before we went inside.

One disadvantage of the Fanwalk, there are so many bricks you'll never find the one you're looking for if you don't know exactly where it is. But since the Mets weren't greedy and donated most of the proceeds to charity, that's a good thing.



Inside the Jackie Robinson Rotunda (reminiscent of Ebbets Field), is a huge number 42 which is cool to be photographed in front of.



One of the great things about CitiField is the access, you can walk around the lower bowl of the stadium and see the field the whole time. The centerfield bridge is a great attraction during or even before the game.




On the other side of the bridge is the much ballyhooed food court area. To be honest, I was a little disappointed, the Shake Shack, Blue Smoke and even the Taqueria provide a nice variety to the traditional ballpark food, but at each place the variety was actually limited. Not wanting to eat ribs at a ballgame or wait half an hour for a $10 hamburger, we instead opted for the hdiden jewel of CitiField, Box Frites. A decent-sized box of delicious fries for a reasonably priced $6. But the best part was the dipping sauce, we had smoky bacon. And it actually tasted like bacon.



While I'm discussing food I should mention that a few rows in front of us someone was eating french fries and topped them with so much ketchup we felt we had to take a picture.



I also had the boneless buffalo bites from Nathan's which were good, but a little dry. Mrs. Poop enjoyed the sausage, the stands for which are located everywhere, but also said it was good, but not great.

When it came time to sit in our seats and watch the game, the one flaw of CitiField was revealed. In an effort to bring the fans closer to the game, there are some awful sight lines. Because the stands are so close, the farther back you go in each the more of the field you cannot see. From our seats halfway up the upper level, any deep fly ball to left field completely left our line of sight. I can see why people have been complaining about this, but there really is no way to fix it. It will likely just drive up demand and cost for lower, closer seats.



Despite that flaw, I am in love with CitiField and can't wait to go back and explore the other areas I missed (the old apple) and taste the foods I didn't try (Mama's though I don't like their exotic sandwiches). I can't wait to take Chase to his first game there, and to spend the next 30 - 40 years at least attending games there.

But right now I sort of feel like a Pittsburgh Pirates fan, beautiful stadium, horrible team.

What Exit Are You Drinking?

A New Jersey brewery is using the state's congested and often-derided turnpike to promote its beer.

Cherry Hill-based Flying Fish Brewing Co. (motto: "Proudly Brewed in New Jersey: You Got a Problem with That?") has undertaken an ambitious project of releasing a special beer in honor of turnpike exits, one at a time.

The beers are being made in limited runs and sold in 750 milliliter wine-size bottles.

The first, a Belgian-style ale, came out earlier this year in honor of Exit 4, the exit nearest the suburban Philadelphia industrial park that Flying Fish calls home.

The next beer, Exit 11 Hoppy American Wheat Ale (an intersection of styles) is a tribute to Woodbridge's exit, where the Turnpike meets the Garden State Parkway.

Joe Orlando, a spokesman for the New Jersey Turnpike Authority, said it's a bad idea to associate a highway with alcohol. Flying Fish has answered the authority's concerns with disclaimers that the beer isn't endorsed by the authority.

"There's been a brokered peace here," Orlando said. "But don't expect to see it in any of our rest areas."

Initially, that didn't satisfy Mindy Lazar, executive director of New Jersey's chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. "The combination of a roadway and advertising for any kind of a beer doesn't make any kind of sense," she said.

The company plans to introduce more exit beers every few months.

Muller said he's not sure if all 29 exits will get their own beers.

Muller said he hopes its fans will help come up with future beer concepts linked to the exits, which are near malls, the Meadowlands sports complex and peach orchards, not to mention right under the approach of planes landing at Newark Liberty International Airport.

That's a change from the original idea. Muller said initially he wanted to have each beer's alcohol content match the exit number -- Exit 6 beer, for instance, would have 6 percent alcohol. Most beers have about 5 percent alcohol.

"But then we thought pretty quickly that Exits 1, 2 and 3 were going to be pretty boring for brewing, and then Exits 16, 17 and 18 were going to be really dangerous."

Song of the Week - Ton edition

I'm doing things a bit differently this time around. The Song of the Week is "I've got a Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas. Instead of showing their actual video, here's a video review on the song/video, called "Black Eyed Peas Have Officially Written The Worst Song Ever". Poop Heads may be interested, as this song makes several Jewish references, and this guy Gladstone doesn't appreciate it too much.

Black Eyed Peas Have Officially Written The Worst Song Ever -- powered by Cracked.com

The Way Life Should Be

We're headed to Maine for our annual lobster-eating, beach-reading vacation.

As always, in my absence, TON is in charge.

I may have limited internet access to post some things, and I wrote up a few posts I've been working on and get them ready to auto-publish in my absence.

I also posted a bunch of pictures on Chase's blog which will post every other day during the week.

I am also prepared to make a major Poop announcement when I get back.

What Really Happened

Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, the Las Vegas Review-Journal, ESPN's Outside the Lines and the tireless efforts of SCZA we are finally understanding what happened that night in the Minxx strip club in Las Vegas the night Pacman Jones made it rain and eventually got charged in the shooting incident that would get him suspended from the NFL for an entire season.

Amazingly someone in the strip club had a handheld video camera, so we get high quality images (not grainy surveillance footage) of what went on -- at least until the alleged incident began.

In this NSFW video posted on the Review Journal's website we see Pacman with a Louis Vuitton backpack which had $100,000 in singles in it. You have to watch the video, it really is amazing to see. Nelly was there, and so was Jermaine Dupri (more on him later) and they were throwing around so much money that the girls were using champagne buckets to scoop it up. This is a once in a lifetime haul for a stripper, so there were no girls in the back, no girls in the VIP, no girls paying attention to any other customers (at least it seemed that way) they were all on the main stage trying to get a few of the dollars being showered down by Pacman.

But that's when the trouble started. Jermaine Dupri took the microphone and told the strippers not to pick up the money. He paid to see them dance, not to see them bend over and pick up money. He implored the women not to pick up the money until they were told.

When one girl disobyed Pacman grabbed her by her hair and punched her in the face. That's the story according to the club staff, who eventually threw Pacman out. They also say Pacman threatened to kill them as he and his entourage were being ejected from the club. That's when someone, believed to be an associate of Pacman's shot three club employees, leaving one of them paralyzed for life.

Every Sports Bloggers' Dream

A video surfaced on the internet of Erin Andrews naked in her hotel room.
Click here to watch but it is very NSFW.

The video was taken through the peephole of a hotel room door (I didn't know you could really get a clear image shooting that way) and you can see her pussy, then tits and finally her face, and it sure looks a lot like Erin Andrews.

Her lawyer even released a statement admitting it is her.

So wow, there's a peephole video of Erin Andrews naked on the internet -- and as expected she has a pretty dope body. While I feel badly for her for being violated in this way, I've always wanted to see her naked.

But I wonder how this is possible. Beyond the questions about how to shoot the wrong way through a peephole, I also wonder why she was walking around the room stark naked, then approaching the door. And how long was this guy out in front of her room with a camera pointed at the peephole? Wouldn't he have been there for hours just waiting for her to walk up the door? And how could he even know she likes to walk around naked? I think most people go right from the shower to get dressed without prancing around in the nude. But I guess most people don't have tits like those.

Thanks to SCZA for the link. SCZA points to more videos here.

I Am the Friendliest Person in the World

After reading of my previous train station encounter Mrs. Poop questioned my motives, assuming the poker-loving cell phone screamer must have been hot. But my latest act of civility went much farther, and to a much less attractive woman, proving to Mrs. Poop and the rest of you haters that I really am a good person.

On the way home I finally had a minute to detour in Penn Station to find the new Tim Hortons, after being swayed by the company's guerrilla marketing.



Much to my delight, Tim Horton's was packed, but running efficiently (4 lines with a greeter directing customers to the shortest line.

I ordered my 20 chocolate Timbits ($3.79 in Penn Station, $2.75 in Canada) and went on my way. I was quite pleased with the Timbits, still warm, soft and moist and without excessive glaze.

When I arrived in Secaucus one of the workers there (the aforementioned unattractive lady) asked me what I was eating. I explained to her the whole story about Tim Horton's being a Canadian chain, and opening its first 13 stores in New York City this week.

Then I did the unthinkable and gave her a Timbit.

As I walked away I was proud of myself for being so nice to a stranger.

Then I thought about it some more and was pissed because it meant one fewer Timbit for me.

Insult to Injury

A New Hampshire man and due to a computer error his account was charged $23,148,855,308,184,500.

That's twenty-three quadrillion, one hundred forty-eight trillion, eight hundred fifty-five billion, three hundred eight million, one hundred eighty-four thousand, five hundred dollars.

And to make matters worse he was also hit with a $15 overdraft fee.

It took him two hours on the phone to clear it up.

The same thing happened to several other people this week.

Barack Obama is Such a Poser

From his overexaggerated high school playing days, to his awkward pickup games (he can't shoot or dribble) to his chalk picks in the NCAA Tournament (every old lady in every made the same picks) to his galling populist support for a college football playoff, President Barack Obama has tried to seem like an everyman when it comes to sports.
But baseball clearly isn't his game. Not only does he throw like a girl, Pooh Holes had to save him from embarrassment by scooping up his lollipop toss before it bounced.
Then there was this embarrassing moment during an interview with Bob Costas:

Obama Botches Commiskey Field Name
by krs601

Kaminsky Field?
I love the way Bob Costas gently said "Comiskey Park."

Never Before Seen Video of Michael Jackson's Hair Catching Fire

I'm sure all of us remember when this happened, Michael Jackson's hair catching fire during a rehearsal for a Pepsi commercial.
But the video had never been released until now.
US Weekly getting a hold of the video and saying this incident was the start of Jackson's addiction to pills and plastic surgery.



Amazingly, at first it doesn't seem as if Michael knows he is on fire. He just keeps singing and dancing while his hair burns off.

How I Became Friends With a Cell Phone Screamer

So I'm sitting on the train on the way into work minding my business, checking my blackberry and reading my book (more on that later).

The girl behind me is on a cell phone carrying on a civilized conversation -- at least it started that way. All the sudden she starts talking progressively louder, saying "Don't ask me that. I really really really don't like when you ask me that. Don't asking me what I'm wearing, you're not my fucking boyfriend."

Then she hangs up, but evidently the creep on the other end wasn't done because a few minutes later she was screaming again. "You're a psycho. Why would I want to be friends with a psycho? You're too emotional. I think you need a therapist."

Since there were very few of us on the train, and fewer still exiting at Secaucus I ran into our little screamer at the ticket gates. Still rattled by her argument she was yelling for help from a ticket agent (though no one was around). I guided her through the gate by instructing her to place her ticket in the gate with the green arrow, rather than the one with the red X. After saying "I feel like the biggest idiot right now," we both proceeded to the platform to wait for our train -- which as usual was 5 minutes late.

We got on the same car and when we arrived at Penn Station she asked me "is this Penn Station?" I replied that it was then proceeded up the steps. After hearing footsteps behind me I decided she might be in need of further assistance, so I turned around and she said "don't worry, I'm not following you."

I asked her where she was going and she said she'd never come in Penn Station that way before and didn't know how to get out. I pointed her to 7th Ave and she followed me up the escalator, and this is where it got weird.

She said "is that a book on poker you'reading?"
I answered yes, because it was.
She claimed to recognize Gus Hansen whose picture is on the book cover. She said her boyfriend makes her watch poker all the time.
I recommended the book (because I really like it, Paulo's Book Club to follow) and she ended our little conversation with "I heard he's a really good player."

I said good night, walked to the subway and perhaps wished I had been so helpful in the first place.

Song of the Week

"Free Fallin" - John Mayer

This song sounds like they took the molecules of "Free Fallin" and slammed them into the molecules of "Your Body is a Wonderland" at a high rate of speed, and the result is this John Mayer version of "Free Fallin."

Mugshot Madness

Joyce DeWitt better known Janet from "Three's Company" arrested for DUI.



Former US figure skater Nicole Bobek arrested for drug possession, you guessed it, meth.

Is This Wrong?

I know I'm not the only one who thought this, but a grieving Janet Jackson is a hot Janet Jackson.

These Days No One Has Patience for the Story of a Young Cheerleader Trying to get to Dallas

The august New York Times (also known as Obama for President Print Edition) ran a nice feature story about the lack of plot in porn movies. I assume the idea came from the real laments of a couple of their editors and writers. I present it here in its entirety because the Times is a subscription website.

The actress known as Savanna Samson once relished preparing for a role. “I couldn’t wait to get my next script,” she said.

There’s no reason to look at them anymore, she said, because her movies now call almost exclusively for action. Specifically, sex.

The pornographic movie industry has long had only a casual interest in plot and dialogue. But moviemakers are focusing even less on narrative arcs these days. Instead, they are filming more short scenes that can be easily uploaded to Web sites and sold in several-minute chunks.

“On the Internet, the average attention span is three to five minutes,” said Steven Hirsch, co-chairman of Vivid Entertainment. “We have to cater to that.”

Vivid, one of the most prominent pornography studios, makes 60 films a year. Three years ago, almost all of them were feature-length films with story lines. Today, more than half are a series of sex scenes, loosely connected by some thread — “vignettes” in the industry vernacular — that can be presented separately online. Other major studios are making similar shifts.

The industry’s interest in scripted scenes has waxed and waned in recent decades because of changes in technology. In the early 1970s, movies with loose story lines, like “Deep Throat” and “Behind the Green Door,” won a mainstream audience, and others tried to copy their success, selling plot-centric movies to couples watching at home with the VCR technology introduced in 1975.

The falling cost of hand-held video cameras gave birth to a generation of pornographers with little interest in drama beyond a clichéd plot involving a pizza delivery boy, said Paul Fishbein, president of the AVN Media Network, an industry trade publication.

Mr. Fishbein said plot came into vogue again in the late ’90s with the boom of the DVD. Big studios, he said, figured plots would make their films more appealing to women and encourage couples to bring them into their homes — whether on disc or pay-per-view.

Plot-centrism was in full bloom in 2005 with the release of “Pirates,” about a ragtag group of sailors who go after a band of evil pirates.

That movie, with a budget of more than $1 million, had special effects (pirates materializing from the mist), and, yes, lots of sex. Two years later, the movie’s studio, Digital Playground, spent $8 million on a sequel — a remarkable sum in an industry where the average movie costs $25,000, according to the director of the two movies, Ali Joone.

But interest in DVDs has fallen sharply, Mr. Fishbein said, because the Internet has made it easy to watch snippets of video.

Mr. Fishbein estimated that pornographic DVD sales and rentals in the United States generated $3.62 billion in 2006 but had fallen as much as 50 percent since then. He says the slump has made some companies reluctant to share sales figures, so his estimates are getting rougher.

The big studios, like Vivid and Digital Playground, have turned to a subscription model, charging monthly fees for access to their Web sites and advertising the frequency with which they add new clips.

Mr. Joone said that of Digital Playground’s 60 productions this year, roughly 30 had little or no plot, up from about 10 two years ago. At Wicked Pictures, which averages one production a week, one-third are essentially just sex, twice as many as a few years ago, said the company’s president, Steve Orenstein.

“The feature is not as big a part of the industry today,” Mr. Orenstein said. But he says he still plans two to three bigger-budget releases each year, including the recently shot “2040,” which is about the pornography business of the future. Mr. Orenstein described the movie as “an almost Romeo-and-Juliet story between an aging porn star and a cyborg.”

In lieu of plot, there are themes. Among the new releases from New Sensations, a studio that makes 24 movies a month, is “Girls ’n Glasses,” made up of scenes of women having sex while wearing glasses.

“It’s almost like we’re back to the late ’70s or early ’80s when the average movie was eight minutes and just a sex scene,” Mr. Hirsch said, sounding wistful.

Some in the industry would prefer their sex with a little more character development.

Ms. Samson, for example, said she took her acting seriously and used to prepare studiously for her roles, like the character she played in the 2006 movie “Flasher.”

She said she played a psychotic who, because of the way her mother treated her, “had an obsession with flashing and doing things in public.”

“I used to have dialogue,” said Ms. Samson, whose given name is Natalie Oliveros, and who is one of the industry’s biggest stars.

“Getting it on in one hardcore scene after another just isn’t as much fun,” she added.

Rampage is Slowly Becoming the Mike Tyson of MMA

Mike Tyson normally doesn't do interviews with women unless he fornicates with them first, and Rampage Jackson seems to be going the same route. First he gave it doggy style to a Japanese reporter, now he gives it standing up to some chick.


Rampage Dry Humps Cagepotato Reporter - Watch more Funny Videos

Was that chick just being polite to get the interview or did she like getting dry humped by Rampage.

Omar Makes a Smart Move

He unloads worthless Ryan Church for Jeff Francoeur, a guy who once had great potential (I even compared him to David Wright) but went wrong somewhere. Hopefully he can figure it out with the Mets. If not, maybe he can at least make a couple strong throws from the outfield.

You Win Some, You Lose Some

The Washington Nationals and Houston Astros completed a game they started in May.
The game was tied 10-10 in the bottom of the 11th inning, with a runner on first.
The Nationals ended up scoring a run to win the game.
The winning pitcher was the guy who finished the top of the 11th, Joel Hanrahan.
Here's where things get curious. Hanrahan was traded last week and is now on the Pirates.

Now here's where my mind goes into hypothetical overdrive:
Let's say for instance, Hanrahan had been traded to the Astros, and just for shits and giggles his new manager put him into this game.
If Hanrahan picked off the runner on first, then gave up a home run, would he rightfully be the winning and losing pitcher in the same game?

One other odd note: this game started in Washington but finished in Houston, since the Astros don't make another trip there and evidently resumption of a suspended game isn't cause to burn an off day.

I Knew Obama Was an Assman

Married to a woman with a nice big booty you knew the President can appreciate a nice ass. So it was no surprise to see him checking out a honey at the G-8 summit. The best part is the look on Sarkozy's face.

Let Them Eat Timbits

Tim Hortons will open its first 13 locations in New York City on Monday.

All sites will be former Dunkin Donuts locations, they will close as Dunkin' Donuts on Friday and reopen as Tim Hortons locations on Monday.

To celebrate the opening, Tim Hortons will give away free coffee at its new Penn Station location starting at 6 a.m.

The Mets Actually Use the Hit and Run Play

My number one complaint about Willie Randolph was that his only solution to a problem was to “keep battling.”
Much to my dismay, as this season was falling apart due to injuries; Jerry Manuel seemed to be clinging to the same do-nothing philosophy.
But I did notice a minor, but potentially impactful, change to Manuel’s strategy last night.
The Mets don’t hit home runs. They aren’t fast enough to take the extra base, so they need to bring back this arcane play called the hit and run.
In the 4th inning with David Wright on first and Ryan Church up they tried it, the shortstop covered second and Church hit it right in the hole. They ended up getting one more run in that inning, thanks to avoiding a likely double play.
In the 8th inning with the human double play Fernando Tatis up and a runner on first, Manuel sent the runner and Tatis hit what would have been a sure double play.

Needless to say this season is over. But instead of making a panic trade, I’d rather see the Mets adopt a style more conducive to the team they have, rather than the one they hoped they would have had.

Actually, I Was Looking At Your Ass

Serena Williams wears an hysterical shirt ("Are You Looking At My Titles?") during her post-Wimbledon press conference.



I don't care what anyone says I love Serena Williams and her huge ass.



Picture found by Billy

Song of the Week

"Waking Up in Vegas" - Katy Perry

I hate Katy Perry even though this is the second time she's been featured in Song of the Week.
But I defy anyone to listen to this song then try to go 24 hours without singing it to yourself at least once.

Btw, Jems is furious I did a Would You Bang? Katy Perry, calling her a "sexy little tigress."
Yes, that's a quote.

Baseball is Poop - Whoa Oh We're Halfway There Edition

Most teams have played 81 games (some 83) so we'll review some stats and double them and see what happens the rest of the year.

The Magnificent Pooh Holes
Albert Pooh Holes has 31 homers and 82 RBI putting him on pace for roughly 61 homers and 160 RBI (the Cardinals have played 84 games). Amazing considering his already remarkable career but those numbers would blow away his previous career highs of 49 and 137. Other career highs in jeopardy: walks (101), stolen bases (16) and OPS (1.115). He has 66, 10 and 1.199, for the record.

Singles and Strikeouts: The David Wright Story
With 164 strikeouts, 10 HR and a .329 batting average, David Wright would surely have one of the most unusual seasons in major league baseball history. There have been 76 seasons in which a player has struck out 160 times or more, 13 homers in the lowest total for those players and the only total below 15, it was Jose Hernandez in 2003. And only a few players have ever hit above .300 in such a season, none as high as Wright's .329. Quite reasonably, Wright could have baseball's best average, worst power, 160 strikeout season.

Feast or Famine
The Texas Rangers demoted first baseman Chris Davis despite his 15 homers (30 HR pace). Because if Davis continued this way for a full season he would be expected to strike out 228 times, walk 34 times and drive in only 66 runs.

Speaking of Home Runs and Strikeouts
Arizona Diamondbacks third baseman Mark Reynolds is on pace for 48 homers, 124 RBI and 222 strikeouts. That would top his own major league record of 204 set last year.

This Year's Brady Anderson Award Goes To...
Aaron Hill, second baseman for the Toronto Blue Jays. Hill has 20 homers so far, putting him on pace for 40. His previous career high is 17 (in 608 at bats). His other 3 pro seasons he hit roughly 1 home run per 100 at bats.



Stop, Thief
Carl Crawford's 41 stolen bases put him on pace for the best stolen base season in over 20 years. But, any slowdown in the second half and he won't pass Jose Reyes's 78 in 2007.

We Need Another Jewish Cy Young Winner
It's been 29 years since Steve Stone won the AL Cy Young and now Jason Marquis may be on the verge of bringing the trophy back to the tribe. With 11 wins (through 82 Rockies games), Marquis leads the majors in wins, and seems most likely to win 20. His 3.61 ERA puts him way behind Giants 1-2 punch of Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum, but if you adjust for ballpark effect Marquis would warrant more serious consideration.

Happy Birthday Diesel

I'm So Stupid, Ask my Tattooist

Turns out the idiot girl who got 56 face stars tattooed on her face lied to her dad.




Fearing her father would be mad, the idiot made up a story about being drugged during the procedure and waking up to find 53 extra stars on her pretty little face. Her tattooist claimed she wanted all 56 stars, and looking at his face you just have to believe him.

America Gets the Runs on Dunkin

Dunkin' Donuts has temporarily stopped selling hot chocolate and Dunkaccino brand beverages after learning equipment used at a supplier's facility might have been contaminated with salmonella.
Dunkin says none of its products was contaminated and the withdrawal of the beverages from its stores was a precaution to ensure customer safety.
Its supplier Plainview Milk Products Cooperative announced it had voluntarily recalled its instant nonfat dried milk and whey protein because of potential salmonella bacteria contamination. It says there were no reported illnesses.
Dunkin' Donuts says it expects to resume hot chocolate and Dunkaccino sales shortly.


Truth is, I'm only posting this story because I came up with a creative headline. And it fits, because according to the Mayo Clinic salmonella can result in "severe diarrhea."
But even if it weren't a symptom I probably would have posted this anyway.

Nice Day for a Swine Wedding

The bride wore white -- and a face mask.

Ilana Jackson and Jeremy Fierstien of Chicago wore surgical masks and latex gloves to their wedding after finding out less than 48 hours before that they had swine flu.

The couple decided to go ahead with the ceremony after doctors assured them guests wouldn't be put at serious risk.

To be sure, they also stayed 10 feet away from guests at all times, even walking around the gathering instead of down the aisle at a Highland Park synagogue.
Jackson says they'd joked about swine flu after both experienced vomiting, achy limbs and fever. But they never thought they really had it.

She says the circumstances were unfortunate but they have a good attitude about it.

Bye Grandma

My grandmother Ethel passed away this week at the age of 88. Five years ago she got sick and we rushed Canada to perhaps say our good-byes. But Grandma survived that incident and lived five more years in which time she welcomed four great-grandchildren into the world.
Despite the loss of her leg Grandma walked down the aisle last year at my cousin's wedding.
Goodbye Grandma, we'll miss your "HEH-lows" and your chicken soup.

Like a Good Neighbor

Through a strange confluence of events I was able to help a neighbor in distress, here is that story.

The other day the sun actually came up for a few minutes so despite having been up all night at work Mrs. Poop agreed to stay up for an extra half an hour so I could mow the lawn which had reached jungle-like proportions because all the rain promoted growth and made it impossible for me to find time to mow it.

While I was out there mowing I saw our friendly neighbor (50ish single woman) walking her dog. She looked at me and said "Paul, I have a problem."

About ten feet behind her was a man yelling at her. When I stepped between them the guy (reeking of alcohol) explained his side of the story. He lives up the block and says when his dog (a schnauzer) saw her dog, his dog took off, broke the leash and took off for her dog. Her fearful reaction was to cross the street. The man was angry because he says his dog could have been hit by a car.

When I asked why he was following her he said "I want to find out where she lives."

I finally got him to go away and my neighbor explained that the guy had been yelling at her, calling her all sorts of names and threatening her and saying he was going to shoot her dog.

I thought I had calmed the situation but about 15 minutes later the drunk guy came back asking me my name and waving to Chase in the window (damn kid loves to watch "mowing.") That freaked us out a little.

But our neighbor later told me she called the cops who went to the guy's apartment, and scared him a little and didn't think he would bother us any further.

He hasn't so I am glad I was able to help my neighbor in a potentially dangerous situation.