I'm off to Vegas for TallSkott's bachelor party.
Here are some proposition wagers open for the weekend:
2/1 Scott will say his father's name more than 25 times
1/5 Both sobels will be at a strip club until 7am at least 2 nights this weekend
1/10000 Greenspan will be hated by half the party
3/1 Dylan and reiss will have a heated argument
1/2 Matt will hit a dolla yo
1/100 Someone will bet a $5 hard six, prompting TallSkott to bet a $6 hard six
4/1 Scott and I find a low buy-in poker tournament to play
2/1 Scott busts out on a bluff
1/1000 I bust out on a suckout
3/1 Paul DeRusso or Harry Sanavitis finishes in the money
12/1 JusTON heads to an "Asian massage parlor" at 4am
15/1 Nails and I wake up at 9a Saturday and Sunday to enjoy the breakfast buffet and the day's slate of college and NFL games
1/2 I pick Notre Dame -8 against Penn State
1/20 Nails stabs me before I can cash in the winning ticket
off Matt and I take Michigan and lay the 28 points
off Michigan wins by 27
1/100 I take Iowa over Syracuse and give 19 points
1500/1 Syracuse covers that spread
25/1 Ray Wong lashes out and JusTON and Leary for "stealing all our women"
5/1 Either Paul DeRusso or Harry will become my new best friend
2/1 Either Chris or Ray will hate my guts
100/1 The Mets clinch the division before I leave Monday night
4/1 The Sobels get into a heated argument which end when Jay tries to laugh off Mike's emotional outburst
2/1 Reiss says something stupid
5/1 I wake up Justin and Leary Sunday night/Monday morning at 3am while watching CNN's coverage of the 5th anniversary of 9/11
off This weekend will be one none of us will ever forget
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Beatdown
A local Fox affiliate did an expose about a real estate scam. The guy fingered in the scam was angry and left threatening message on the reporter's phone. Then they came back for a follow-up story and all hell broke loose. Never turn your back to someone who is attacking you.
Paris Hilton DUI
Paris Hilton was arrested for DUI. Her blood alcohol content was 0.08, the lowest reading you can get and still be charged with DUI. Her publicist said she had been up for almost 24 hours straight shooting a video. She hadn't had anything to eat (shocker) and had one drink. She is 5' 3" and weighs 115 el bees.
TMZ.com has video of her arriving at home afterwards. She doesn't look wasted but it was probably several hours later.
Efforting mugshot.
TMZ.com has video of her arriving at home afterwards. She doesn't look wasted but it was probably several hours later.
Efforting mugshot.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
She's Real
Crazy Tom Cruise has finally let the world see his daughter Suri. This should be a boon to the douchebag who owns FreeSuri.com.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Karma
You might remember that earlier this season Cubs catcher Michael Barrett sucker punched White Sox catcher AJ Pierzynski in the face.
Michael Barrett was placed on the 15-day disabled list Sunday with an intrascrotal hematoma.
Barrett was injured in the fifth inning on Saturday when he was hit in the groin by a ball. Barrett stayed in the game, and even hit in the Cubs' fifth, but had to leave because of the pain.
"That's a tough one there -- that one might be the toughest one," Cubs manager Dusty Baker said. "He said, 'Bake, I'm feeling sick, I'm hurting badly.' He tried to tough it out."
Barrett was taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital Saturday, and an ultrasound revealed the injury. He then underwent surgery to stop internal bleeding IN HIS SCROTUM, Cubs athletic trainer Mark O'Neal said.
Michael Barrett was placed on the 15-day disabled list Sunday with an intrascrotal hematoma.
Barrett was injured in the fifth inning on Saturday when he was hit in the groin by a ball. Barrett stayed in the game, and even hit in the Cubs' fifth, but had to leave because of the pain.
"That's a tough one there -- that one might be the toughest one," Cubs manager Dusty Baker said. "He said, 'Bake, I'm feeling sick, I'm hurting badly.' He tried to tough it out."
Barrett was taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital Saturday, and an ultrasound revealed the injury. He then underwent surgery to stop internal bleeding IN HIS SCROTUM, Cubs athletic trainer Mark O'Neal said.
We're Live
Minnesota Twins broadcaster and former pitcher and brother-in-law Derick favorite ("Circle Me Bert") said something he shouldn't have on live TV. The reason, he thought they were doing a taped intro to the game.
A Success
The Paul's Poop get together on Saturday night was a success. Beer pong was played. Buttery nipples were drank. Fun was had by all.
Here are some highlights and lowlights:
Highlight: Diesel did not eat anyone. In fact, most if not all of the guests were impressed with his comportment.
Lowlight: Pizza Parlor Derek's snide remark, "oh you have a dog?"
Highlight: Licking Stacey's cupcakes.
Lowlight: Diesel puking after being overfed.
Highlight: Dominating the opening beer pong match with a novice partner.
Lowlight: PP Derek and Mike losing all 5 games they played. If only Coach had been there. He was a good player.
Highlight: Sharing my poker stories with GauntScott.
Lowlight: Dana making fun of my poker book.
Highlight: Women enjoying baked brie and buttery nipple shots.
Lowlight: Women slathering themselves in Mrs. Poop's $50/bottle hand lotion.
Highlight: Everyone got home safely.
Lowlight: Everyone had to drive through a monsoon.
Lowlight: Horrible rolls in craps.
Highlight: I was the house (fake money).
Highlight: Bill and Justin dominating beer pong.
Lowlight: Playing with Scott as he used his "retarded Chris Dudley" form.
Lowlight: Not taking any pictures for the blog.
Lowlight: Cursing on the video I took, which is on the same DVD as our honeymoon, cruise and trip to Maine.
Highlight: Sleeping til 4:30 the next day.
Lowlight: Not being able to recover like I used to.
Highlight: Hope to do it again next year.
Lowlight: Hope to see more of you then.
Here are some highlights and lowlights:
Highlight: Diesel did not eat anyone. In fact, most if not all of the guests were impressed with his comportment.
Lowlight: Pizza Parlor Derek's snide remark, "oh you have a dog?"
Highlight: Licking Stacey's cupcakes.
Lowlight: Diesel puking after being overfed.
Highlight: Dominating the opening beer pong match with a novice partner.
Lowlight: PP Derek and Mike losing all 5 games they played. If only Coach had been there. He was a good player.
Highlight: Sharing my poker stories with GauntScott.
Lowlight: Dana making fun of my poker book.
Highlight: Women enjoying baked brie and buttery nipple shots.
Lowlight: Women slathering themselves in Mrs. Poop's $50/bottle hand lotion.
Highlight: Everyone got home safely.
Lowlight: Everyone had to drive through a monsoon.
Lowlight: Horrible rolls in craps.
Highlight: I was the house (fake money).
Highlight: Bill and Justin dominating beer pong.
Lowlight: Playing with Scott as he used his "retarded Chris Dudley" form.
Lowlight: Not taking any pictures for the blog.
Lowlight: Cursing on the video I took, which is on the same DVD as our honeymoon, cruise and trip to Maine.
Highlight: Sleeping til 4:30 the next day.
Lowlight: Not being able to recover like I used to.
Highlight: Hope to do it again next year.
Lowlight: Hope to see more of you then.
Nice Hit Coach
Youth football game. Kickoff return. After the whistle some kid plows into another kid and knocks him down. That kid's father (also the assistant coach) runs on the field and plows into the offending player. Brawl ensues. Watch the coach's hit, from the link in this article.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Actually, It's Not a BB Gun
San Diego Chargers' Steve Foley (not Uncle Steve) was shot Sunday by an off-duty policeman.
The officer (Dennis Brugos) was driving an unmarked car and was about 20 miles outside his jurisdiction, told investigators he started following Foley's car after he saw it about 10 miles north of San Diego on Interstate 15 northbound "weaving in lanes, traveling at speeds of between 30 and 90 mph and nearly colliding with several other vehicles on the highway."
After Foley left the expressway, the officer pulled next to the ballplayer at a red light and identified himself as a police officer.
When the officer ordered Foley to pull his car over, the linebacker initially drove off before stopping "after a short distance," getting out of his car and walking toward the officer.
At that, the police officer pulled out his handgun and verbally identified himself, warning Foley to stop walking toward him.
"That's a BB gun," Brugos said Foley told him.
Foley then stopped his advance, returned to his car and pulled away, driving at least two more miles before stopping on Travertine Court, the upper-class street where he lives.
The officer said Foley again got out of his car and walked toward him, while his passenger -- Lisa Maree Gaut -- drove alongside him in the car.
"As the suspect approached, the officer again identified himself as a police officer and that his gun was real," the police statement said.
To prove it, the officer said he fired one warning shot into bushes and two shots toward the sky.
"The male suspect reached into his pants with his right hand as he approached the officer," the police statement said. "The officer then fired at the suspect. The suspect acknowledged that he had been shot, but continued toward the officer, who then fired again at him. This time the suspect fell to the ground."
Foley was taken to Sharp Memorial Hospital, where his wounds were not considered life-threatening.
The officer (Dennis Brugos) was driving an unmarked car and was about 20 miles outside his jurisdiction, told investigators he started following Foley's car after he saw it about 10 miles north of San Diego on Interstate 15 northbound "weaving in lanes, traveling at speeds of between 30 and 90 mph and nearly colliding with several other vehicles on the highway."
After Foley left the expressway, the officer pulled next to the ballplayer at a red light and identified himself as a police officer.
When the officer ordered Foley to pull his car over, the linebacker initially drove off before stopping "after a short distance," getting out of his car and walking toward the officer.
At that, the police officer pulled out his handgun and verbally identified himself, warning Foley to stop walking toward him.
"That's a BB gun," Brugos said Foley told him.
Foley then stopped his advance, returned to his car and pulled away, driving at least two more miles before stopping on Travertine Court, the upper-class street where he lives.
The officer said Foley again got out of his car and walked toward him, while his passenger -- Lisa Maree Gaut -- drove alongside him in the car.
"As the suspect approached, the officer again identified himself as a police officer and that his gun was real," the police statement said.
To prove it, the officer said he fired one warning shot into bushes and two shots toward the sky.
"The male suspect reached into his pants with his right hand as he approached the officer," the police statement said. "The officer then fired at the suspect. The suspect acknowledged that he had been shot, but continued toward the officer, who then fired again at him. This time the suspect fell to the ground."
Foley was taken to Sharp Memorial Hospital, where his wounds were not considered life-threatening.
Crikey!
The Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin was killed in an accident on Monday off Australia's northeast coast.
Hospital and police authorities said he was stung by a stingray while filming an underwater documentary.
A stingray barb pierced his chest.
Hospital and police authorities said he was stung by a stingray while filming an underwater documentary.
A stingray barb pierced his chest.
Friday, September 01, 2006
That Buys 10,000 Glasses of Belvedere
New lawyers can expect higher pay than in the past. The going rate at large firms in New York has reached $145,000 — apart from starting and year-end bonuses.
No Sir, You Are a Pack of Lies
Some assclown sent an op-ed to the New York Times, very critical of my boy Cesar Millan. His argument is full of holes and embellishments about what Cesar actually does.
Cesar does "flood" dogs, but it seems to work. A dog terrified of water was dragged into the pool. But a little while later that same dog was jumping into the water willingly, and frolicking with a wet-suited Cesar. This douche is just jealous that he can't whisper to dogs. Plus, the author doesn't offer one alternative method. Just blasts Cesar. Player hater.
Cesar does "flood" dogs, but it seems to work. A dog terrified of water was dragged into the pool. But a little while later that same dog was jumping into the water willingly, and frolicking with a wet-suited Cesar. This douche is just jealous that he can't whisper to dogs. Plus, the author doesn't offer one alternative method. Just blasts Cesar. Player hater.
Kosher Tramp Stamp
It's a little hard to see in this picture but Christina Aguilera, who is married to Jew Jordan Bratman, has a tattoo on the small of her back (in Hebrew) that translates to "I am my beloved and my beloved is mine."
A very nice sentiment though most rabbis wouldn't condone it since tattoos are against the laws of Judaism.
But its a lot better than the stupid designs or the "insert dick here" (with an arrow) that some sluts have.
A very nice sentiment though most rabbis wouldn't condone it since tattoos are against the laws of Judaism.
But its a lot better than the stupid designs or the "insert dick here" (with an arrow) that some sluts have.
Another Disappointment
The men's USA basketball team lost again, meaning no gold for the third straight international competition. This time it was Greece who knocked them off. Greece has zero current NBA players on its roster. Once again USA was done in by poor 3-point shooting (9-28) while Greece was on fire, shooting 14-18 in the third quarter while outscoring the U.S. by 26 points.
Melo led the team, again, with 27 points.
The USA will try to salvage a bronze medal against Argentina.
Melo led the team, again, with 27 points.
The USA will try to salvage a bronze medal against Argentina.
Scores Won for the Kids
Strippers at Scores in Las Vegas raised $2,500 for local schools.
Scores raised the funds at an Aug. 23 back-to-school event called "Detention" that featured strippers dressed as teachers, schoolgirls and librarians.
"It's back to school time and you know what that means. Detention for everyone who has been bad!" one advertisement read.
The performers peeled off clothes and offered lap dances to customers. Patrons also left more than $1,000 donations in a jar that the club said would go to the Clark County School District. Scores matched the donations roughly dollar for dollar.
"In this town, money is money, regardless," Cohen said. "We're a respectable business. We pay taxes like everybody else. We have a business license. It's for a good cause." "Education is very important," he said.
Scores raised the funds at an Aug. 23 back-to-school event called "Detention" that featured strippers dressed as teachers, schoolgirls and librarians.
"It's back to school time and you know what that means. Detention for everyone who has been bad!" one advertisement read.
The performers peeled off clothes and offered lap dances to customers. Patrons also left more than $1,000 donations in a jar that the club said would go to the Clark County School District. Scores matched the donations roughly dollar for dollar.
"In this town, money is money, regardless," Cohen said. "We're a respectable business. We pay taxes like everybody else. We have a business license. It's for a good cause." "Education is very important," he said.
Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh At Yourself
Slightly embarrassed CNN anchor Kyra Phillips lampooned her unfortunate bathroom incident by reading a Top Ten List on The Late Show with David Letterman.
Thanks For Not Using a Trojan
Apparently, having it written on her jersey wasn't enough to remind Brynn Cameron to use a Trojan.
But her bad defense was my good fortune. The explosive popularity of Paul's Poop this week, (14,000 hits yesterday) is all because of her.
When you do a Google Images search for Byrnn Cameron, the third picture (and the most flattering) is from Paul's Poop.
Interestingly, the link takes you to the archive page that includes her picture, not to the actual post. That means thousands of people saw (by scrolling past) Justin's mastery of Photoshop.
But her bad defense was my good fortune. The explosive popularity of Paul's Poop this week, (14,000 hits yesterday) is all because of her.
When you do a Google Images search for Byrnn Cameron, the third picture (and the most flattering) is from Paul's Poop.
Interestingly, the link takes you to the archive page that includes her picture, not to the actual post. That means thousands of people saw (by scrolling past) Justin's mastery of Photoshop.
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