Who Are These Guys?

This weekend, the Mets will find out...as they play three games against the partially anonymous Milwaukee Brewers. The best team in baseball. Right now the Brewers are 24-10 (half a game better than the Red Sox), 2 games better than the NL's second best team, the Atlanta Braves and 2 1/2 better than the Mets.
But the Brewers have played a preponderance of their games at home (62%), where they are 16-5. But on the other hand, the Mets are only 7-7 at home so far this season.

The Brewers hot start has surprised many, but I've seen it coming for a couple of years. They have some excellent young players coupled with solid veteran starting pitching.

Rickie Weeks is their second baseman and leadoff hitter. Pressed into duty due to illness I selected Weeks for Master Bates' fantasy team in the draft prior to last season, over Jason Giambi. The move may finally start to pay off as Weeks is becoming a legitimate 20/20 guy, though his OBP is low for a leadoff man.



JJ Hardy is the other half of one of the best young double play combinations in baseball. Hardy is batting .331 with 9 homers already this year. He had 9 in all of 2005 in roughly 3 times as many at bats. An ankle injury cost Hardy most of last year.

Prince Fielder bats behind Hardy and leads the team with 10 homers. Prince is the prodigal son of the prodigious home run hitter (and eater) Cecil Fielder. As we learned on an episode of "Real Sports," father and son have no relationship because of gambling and bad business investments by Cecil which left the family broke. But he sure hits like his pops.



Bill E. Hall sometimes bats cleanup and usually plays centerfield. Hall had a breakout season last year by hitting 35 home runs. One of those home runs came against the Mets, in the bottom of the 10th inning, to win a game against the Mets, on Mother's Day, with a pink bat in those awesome retro uniforms.



Geoff Jenkins, who's off to a hot start this year, starts the veteran part of the order along with Kevin Mench, Craig Counsell and the catcher (Johnny Estrada and Damian Miller).

The Brewers also have an excellent starting rotation. It all starts with Ben Sheets who will face Mike Pelfrey on Saturday. Sheets is a legitimate ace who can never seem to stay healthy. He is their highest salaried player at just over $11 million but is only 2-2 this season with a 4.04 ERA (numbers that closely approximate his career record 63-71 with a 3.84 ERA).

Before the 2005 season I made fun of Chris Capuano at a fantasy baseball draft. Since then he is 34-24 with a 3.89 ERA. This year he is John Maine's main competition for this year's Way Too Early Cy Young Award in the National League. Capuano has a 5-0 record to match Maine's but his ERA of 2.31 is half a run higher. Unfortunately, that dream pitching matchup won't happen. Capuano will face Oliver Perez on Sunday.

Friday night's game will be started by free agent pickup Jeff Suppan. Soupy who haunted the Mets in the NLCS last year is 5-2 with a 2.63 ERA.

The Brewers other two starters are Dave Bush and Claudio Vargas.

In the bullpen the Brewers have Francisco Cordero, a volatile closer who is hot right now. He's 15 for 15 in save chances with a 0.54 ERA.
Demoted closer Derrick Turnbow is the setup man.

I don't think the Brewers can play .700 baseball all season but .600 is not out of the question, which translates in 97 wins...5 more than they will need to win the NL Central.

The Brewers cannot afford an injury to one of their top 3 starters but with Turnbow as insurance they can withstand a potential Cordero blowup. And a solid young lineup should have this team in the hunt for many years to come.

Staten Island Hottie

Maybe the reason why Yunjin Kim does such a great job playing Sun Kwon on "Lost" is because she has experience on island with a bunch of assholes. Exceopt instead of the Others she had to deal with the SILLs (Staten Island Low Lives).
Born in Seoul, South Korea, Kim moved with her family to Staten Island when she was 10 years old. To combat her shyness (understandable as a foreigner living on Staten Island), she decided to take acting classes. She went to the Fiorella Laguardia High School for Music & Art & the Performing Arts in Manhattan.
Had she gone to Wagner High she would have been in the same class as Step On Me (both were born in 1973).
After high school she studied drama at Boston University, alma mater of Master Bates.
In 1996, she returned to Korea to begiin her acting career.

Baseball is Poop

Test This Guy
After hitting 23 homers in 2005 Felipe Lopez became a mainstay of Master Bates' fantasy team. Then he went about 300 at bats last year and this year without homering. He's hit one in each of his last two games.

Pitching Like Koufax
Our favorite Jewish pitcher from Staten Island is off to a hot start with his new team, the Chicago Cubs. After beating the Pirates 1-0 on Wednesday, Marquis is 5-1 with a 1.70 ERA. That victory was the first time the Cubs ever won a 1-0 game at Wrigley Field with a homer in the first. Marquis has allowed 10 runs in 47 innings so far this season. Last year he had two starts in which he allowed more than that.



Time Stood Still
Jamie Moyer, 44, beat Randy Johnson, 43, in the battle of the ancient lefties. Johnson was doing pretty well through 6 shutout innings, but he allowed three baserunners in the 7th and they were all brought home on a grand slam by Ryan Howard off a reliever. The last time Moyer and Johnson pitched against each other was in 1989, 36 years of combined age ago. Moyer says he did not remember that game. Moyer really is a marvel, making at least 32 starts in 8 of the last 9 seasons.

Fear The Angels
The Angels called up 1B/DH Kendry Morales and he homered in his first game back with the team. Morales joins Casey Kotchman, Dallas McPherson, Howie Kendrick, Erick Aybar and Brandon Wood as talented infielders in their system. Throw in Vladimir Guerrero, K-Rod, Jered Weaver and the underrated John Lackey and its hard to imagine the Angels not experiencing a lot of success over the next 5 - 10 years.

He's An Excellent Driver

Authorities say Michael Wiley, 40, was behind the wheel of a car which evaded police in St. Petersburg after an 8 minute chase.

Wiley overcame three amputations, taught himself to drive with stumps and proceeded to become one of Pasco County's most accomplished traffic violators.

His license has been suspended so many times that driving itself has become a felony.

About 12:50 p.m. on Tuesday, a police officer spotted Wiley in a suspicious vehicle - a blue Ford Explorer - at a convenience store. When the officer went to investigate, the Explorer took off.

About 1 p.m., the officers broke off the chase because it could have put others in danger.

In 1998, while driving a green Corvette, Wiley led deputies down Interstate 75 at nearly 120 mph.

According to court records, Wiley has stolen a car, kicked a state trooper and attacked his wife headfirst. He is awaiting trial on separate drug and illegal-driving charges. He faces up to five years in prison.

Most Ford Explorers have automatic transmissions, though several people say Wiley is perfectly competent with a stick shift.

"He is one of the best drivers I've ever seen in my life," said Lee Michie, a longtime acquaintance. "But he's the worst person I've ever met."



This reminded me of the time The Concierge and I saw a tabloid headline "Armless Man and Legless Buddy Go Tandem on Bike Trip." And it had a photograph.

I Heart the Trampoline Bear

Derek Fisher's Daughter

Utah Jazz guard Derek Fisher had a busy on Wednesday.
In the morning he was at New York's Presbyterian Hospital with his wife, Candace.
Their 10-month old daughter, Tatum had been diagnosed with Retinoblastoma, a rare cancerous tumor of the retina, and the doctors were rushing to get her into surgery.
Last week they noticed a green glow in Tatum's eye and took her to the pediatrician. Seven days later, she was having life-saving surgery which Fisher said couldn't have waited another day.
It seems like Tatum will be ok and with a few more treatments doctors expect she won't lose even lose her eye or the vision it.
And later that evening they said the Fishers, including Tatum could go home.
So they flew back to Utah and Candace gave Derek permission to go to the game.
The Jazz knew of Tatum's illness and allowed Fisher to miss Game 1 of the Warriors series. They could have replaced Fisher on the roster for the series not knowing if he'd play at all.
On his ride from the airport to the game he heard on the radio the starting point guard Deron Williams was in foul trouble, and his backup Dee Brown got hurt. Andrei Kirilenko (AK-47) had to man the point.
The Fisher arrived at the game, and checked right into the game. Then he was taken out and took his time warm up on the bike, got a neck massage, and re-enter the game.
Fisher hit a couple shots in the overtime then used his postgame interview with Pam Oliver to tell everyone about the ordeal he'd just been through. Previously only Jazz personnel knew.
He told Pam Oliver and everyone watching to get their kids checked, to send them to the opthamologist, because he almost lost his little girl.
I'm glad he didn't.

More Mets Heads

David Newhan used to have a great head of hair. Now his nose looks huge.



Oliver Perez doesn't look so bad with the shaved look. But if you notice behind him, leaning on the rail is Howard Johnson. HoJo did not take part in the ritual cleansing. He probably said "I've been there before and I don't want to be there again. I paid too much money to get this back to shave it off."

Manny Is Either Gay...Or Not Straight

Song of the Week

"I Tried" - Bone Thugs N Harmony featuring Akon
TON loves these guys

Vernon Wells Rules

Toronto Blue Jays centerfielder Vernon Wells was getting heckled by some unruly fans in Cleveland. So he tossed them a baseball.




"Dear Mr. Dork,
Here is your ball! Can you please tell me what gas station you work at, so when you are pumping my gas, I can yell at you!!! Now sit down, shut up and enjoy the game.
- Your favorite centrefielder

Schilling on Bonds

Curt Schilling speaking on a Boston radio show said :

"He admitted that he used steroids. I mean, there's no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game."

Schilling says so much crap that something is bound to be right, and this was it.

The media of course is quick to defend Bonds saying he never publicly admitted those things. But he did tell a grand jury he took steroids although it thought it was flaxseed oil, in testimony that was leaked. We know he had a mistress and giving her money is what could get him in trouble with the IRS, but we'll give him a pass on the taxes thing.

You Can Win With Randy Winn

A few interesting notes about Giants outfielder Randy Winn, one of Pa Beers' favorite players.

1) This is pretty well known but Winn played basketball for two seasons at Santa Clara. He wasn't very good and hardly played but he was on the team that beat Arizona in the first round of the tournament and he roomed with and is still friends with Steve Nash.

2) His uncle is former Orioles outfielder Don Buford. In the 1969 World Series, Buford led off the game with a home run. According to Buddy Harrelson, as he rounded second base Buford said to him "you ain't seen nothing yet." Harrelson responded "first inning, first game, you ain't seen nothing yet either." As it turns out, Buddy was right. The Mets would lose that game but win the next four straight to win the World Series.

3) His cousin is former Mets outfielder Damon Buford. The Mets acquired Buford and Alex Ochoa for Bobby Bonilla.

Glad This Never Happened to Billy

A man died while trying to outdo a rival with an acrobatic move while "battle dancing," police said.

Robert Stitt, 48, and his rival were competing in a parking lot Monday night when he tried a forward flip and landed on his head.

"It was just two guys dancing. Everybody was laughing," Stitt's friend John Boxley said.

Boxley said James Brown was on the radio and Stitt wanted to outdo a rival dancer, who had flipped in the air.

Police said the victim went into cardiac arrest and was pronounced dead a short time at a local hospital.

Police said several people were in the parking lot drinking and battle dancing — a competition in which each dancer tries one-upmanship with unique moves.

Playoff Haircuts in May

After Monday night's game David Wright decided to shave his head to break out of his season long slump. Odd since the only guy doing worse than him is Carlos Delgado who already has the haircut Wright went to.



After seeing Wright's new do, most of the rest of the Mets got clipped, by Carlos Beltran. In all 21 players consented to the buzzcut. Tom Glavine, Jose Reyes, Aaron Sele and Aaron Heilman declined.

I feel badly for Jorge Sosa who had a beautiful head of hair and probably won't be around the team that much longer, unless he keeps pitching like he did in his last start.

David Newhan and Shawn Green were the last two to go under the buzzers and they used each other for moral support. Newhan had long hair which probably will take a year or more to return. Green just looks incredibly goofy with the new haircut, and it makes his ears look huge.



Tom Glavine is too old for this shit. Plus I doubt he wanted to change his look and his luck on the day he pitched...and went for win #294.

Aaron Sele says he has a family portrait scheduled for this week and his wife would kill him if he showed up with no hair but he says he will shave his head after that.

Hitting coach Rick Down, trainer Ray Ramirez and even PR guy Jay Horwitz joined in. Willie Randolph and Rick Peterson did not.

Keith Hernandez said he never would have shaved his hair. He did say "I'd meet them halfway and shave my moustache." I think most people would say his moustache is more of a trademark than his hair. He said he only shaved his 'stache once, in 1988, in Chicago, for a stupid reason.

Idol Chatter

Melinda's first song was the first time I ever really disliked her. She did seem like a 40 year old woman doing dinner theater on the Upper East Side.

I also hated Blake's version of "You Should Be Dancing." He way overdid it with the beatboxing. Every "yeah" was turned into a "yea-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah." And the other part with his right hand like he was scratching a record. It sucked. And his hair looked horrible. He couldn't decided between blond and brown so he went with both.

LaKisha on "Staying Alive" was pretty interesting. Simon was right that she was shouting and she has the tendency to do. Also it seemed like Gibb told her to sing higher, but she stuck with lower range anyway. I guess I never thought about the lyrics to this song but they make no sense. What is the New York Times effect?

Jordin was the first good performance. She chose a song that was less disco so it was a little easier for her to fit it into her style.

Same thing with Melinda's second song. Like Jordin's "You Don't Know What It's Like," "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" has been sung 1000 times but I enjoyed her version, she always sings well even when she's seeming too old for her age. I liked the little anecdote about her not wanting to sing the line about being a loser.

I never heard Blake's second song before but I really liked it. That's the type of song I could see him covering and having a big hit with. Although whether he wins or not I'm pretty sure his first single will be an original and his second song will be his version of "You Give Love a Bad Name." This time he couldn't decide between a sweater, a sweater vest and a shortsleeve shirt so his sweater had one short sleeve and no sleeve at all on the other arm. I think he tried very hard early in the season to not beatbox in every song but now he's done it a few weeks in a row, probably because he thinks that's what he has to set him apart.

LaKisha's second song was pretty unremarkable. And she is going home this week.

Jordin's second song was good but nothing special.

Judge Judy is a ham. She stole the spotlight from Simon's mum.

Why were they so rushed this week?

The Strange Workings of the Universe

You may have heard about this DVD called "The Secret." It's based on the belief that there is a power out there called the universe and you can make things happen or come to you just by thinking about them. Oprah Winfrey is a believer, she calls it "the laws of attraction."
Less than 24 hours after posting about Rita Spitzer and at least 10 years after seeing her, I ran into her in the parking lot of Buy Buy Baby. We spoke briefly, not about her current situation.
I am going to spend the rest of the day thinking about Meadow.

This Is Why Roger Clemens Won't Suck

A response to SCZA's post about Roger Clemens:

1) His schedule

Ask most pro athletes the worst part of their job and they'll say the travel. I firmly believe Clemens' limited travel schedule was a contributing factor to why he did so well as a member of the Astros when he didn't have to make road trips or show up for games when he wasn't pitching. I think the Mets should try something similar with Pedro if he comes back this year, and for next year as well. He's never going to pinch hit or pinch run, so why not cut down on the stress on his body? I don't believe it fractures the team. And I think at some point in the future it'll be standard for starting pitchers to only be at the game when they are scheduled to pitch.

2) His innings

Cutting his season short by two months, plus no spring training, helps him stay at peak performance deeper into the season. Also, his best performances are no more than 7 innings. So in a mediocre performance he'll only go 5. If he averages 6 innings over 20 starts he'll be at 120 innings, and still have plenty left for the playoffs.

3) Steroids

Roger Clemens has definitely done steroids, it explains how he's been able to combat the aging process most pitchers experience. He also had a roid rage incident on the mound during the World Series. The fact that he keeps retiring means he has plenty of time to juice during the offseason, cycle off, juice again, cycle off, and get it all out of his system before he has to pee in the cup for MLB.

I expect Clemens to go 10-5 with a 3.20 ERA for the Yankees in the regular season, better stats ERA-wise than he put up for most of his previous stint with the Yankees. Postseason performance is anyone's guess.

Hilton's New Suite

Paris Hilton is going to jail. She violated the terms of her probation for a drunk driving arrest by driving with a suspended license. She claims she didn't understand the terms of her probation and even fired her PR person because of it. She says the punishment is extreme and she is being singled out for being famous.

For years she got everything she wanted because she was famous for being famous. Now she's going to see the downside.

I do believe a normal person who committed the same offenses would have received a lighter punishment but I don't weep for Paris Hilton. I don't buy her ignorance excuse, I have no patience for drunk driving and if she didn't know better, in the words of Vincent Vega she "shoulda fuckin known better."

She's going to be in a prison for low level criminals but I still hope her cellmate is some big bitch who wants to reenact Paris' most well-known moment, every night for 45 nights.

Akon Humps 14-Year Old Girl

At a recent concert in Trinidad Akon called girls on stage to see who could danciest the sexiest, the winner would get a trip to Africa. Turns out a slutty 14-year old won the contest, but her prize wasn't a trip to Africa. It was the chance to get humped on stage by an African.

Akon is from Senegal and he's a polygamist. Maybe his religion condones sex with girls who are considered underage in the US. Verizon doesn't see it that way. It dropped sponsorship of his tour with Gwen Stefani.

You can see the humping (SFW) here.

You're Right, Life is Short

Life is short...get a divorce...because some women (presumably not your wife) have big boobies. That's the message behind this billboard in Chicago's "Viagra triangle," so-called because of the many bars where it's easy to meet loose women. The ad is light-hearted, designed to get the attention of unhappy people, or at least get the name of this divorce law firm out there.
Of course, you have marriage groups complaining that this promotes divorce. Do they really think happily married people will look at this and think, "I could be banging her instead, let me get a divorce." Or that unhappy people are thinking "man, I hate my husband, I wish I never married him. Too bad there's no way out of it. Oh wait, that billboard says there's this thing called divorce. Great."

The Sad Story of Josh Hancock

Some things in life you just can't understand. Why Josh Hancock basically killed himself, is one of those things.

Josh Hancock a pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals had a career ERA of 4.20 and early in 2007 in just a few appearances had a 3.55 ERA.

On April 28th, a Saturday, the Cardinals lost to the Cubs. Hancock pitched three innings and allowed one run. After the game he went to Mike Shannon's a steakhouse, bar, etc. He started drinking, paying for drinks for others as well. A little after midnight he decided to leave, restaurant staff told him to call a cab. He declined. He got into his rented Ford Explorer (more on that later) and started to drive on I-64 (also called Highway 40).

At 12:28 am Sunday morning now, a Geo Prism was cut off by another car and hit the median. A few minutes later a tow truck passing by pulled off the road to assist the Prism. It stopped and put on its flashing yellow lights. At roughly the same time Josh Hancock's phone rang. Hancock was driving 68 mph in a 55 mph zone. His blood alcohol content was 0.157 (almost twice the legal limit of 0.08).

He didn't see the tow truck. The driver was still in the truck and unhurt, but he was honking to try to get Hancock's attention. It didn't work.

Three nights earlier Hancock left either a bar or strip club at 5:30 in the morning when a tractor-trailer (going about 35 mph) clipped the front of his Denali. Police took him in and said he was not drinking at that time. But he did tell officers he had recently broken up with his girlfriend. He left his car at the station or took it for repairs, which is why he needed a rental car.

After that incident, Hancock was late for the next afternoon's game. LaRussa fined him but said he overslept. How could LaRussa be tough on a player for drinking? I bet he wish he had been.

They Shoulda Kerriganed Him

The story from Freedo:

"We were walking to brunch on Sunday after game 3 [Saturday night], and the Spurs were staying in our neighborhood. They were on their way across the street to brunch, when we saw Ginobili, Duncan, Popovich, Bowen and Tony Parker. My friend had a Florida Gators shirt on, and Matt Bonner, being a Gator, yelled "Gator Nation!!" We asked Timmy if we could grab a pic, and the valet at the hotel took this picture. Duncan was freaked out about the whole thing to be honest. He looked so scared. He has the biggest hands i've ever seen."

Which is why Freedo did not want Amber standing next to Duncan.

Bloody Nose

Steve Nash's bloody nose may have cost the Suns Game 1 of their series against the Spurs. It looks pretty disgusting.

More Pictures of Kevin

Virginia is For Lovers...and Cute Kids

Mrs. Poop and I had been trying to find the time to make a trip to Virginia to visit Isabelle, Kevin and Josh and Erin. There had never been a good time, so we decided this weekend was about our only choice. Once the summer started we would be too busy, and once the fall came, well, then it would be too late.

So we got home from work Friday morning, got a few hours sleep then hit the road. First we had to travel to New York to drop Diesel off at his exclusive kennel.

Then it was back through New Jersey where we hit traffic on the Turnpike. Then we traveled almost the whole length of the state of New Jersey until we got into Delaware, where we hit traffic on the bridge. We stayed only a few minutes in Delaware which led us into Maryland where we encountered more traffic around the Fort McHenry tunnel.

Aside about Fort McHenry tunnel: Papa Poop always talks about a time when he was driving Poop On Me to visit colleges and he was listening to a Mets game and he lost the signal right before the Fort McHenry tunnel. WFAN must have improved it's wattage since then because I was able to hear the Mets game all the way to Josh's though Mrs. Poop was getting frustrated by the static.

Anyway, after about 7 hours in the car (including one for the trip to the kennel) we finally arrived. Josh brought Kevin outside to greet us. Kevin went nuts barking. Josh says he always does this around new people. We ignored Kevin's barking and won him over. Clearly he tries to intimidate people due to his lack of size. Then when he can't intimidate his next method of self-preservation is to be really nice to you. Other than a couple incidents when Mrs. Poop tried to pick up the hot dog, Kevin behaved like a perfect angel.

I wish I could say for the same for Josh. He was cursing, farting, talking really loudly. Fatherhood hasn't changed him at all.

The next morning we were able to meet Izzie. She is so cute. She has a beautiful round face with chubby cheeks and a nice crown of soft golden hair. Plus she is the most mild-mannered baby I've ever encountered. We know plenty of babies and love them all, but Izzie didn't cry once (for more than 30 seconds) the entire weekend. I think she can sleep through anything because he parents speak so loudly she's used to loud noises.

She also loves her big brother Kevin, though sometimes she pets him a little too roughly.

The weather didn't cooperate with any of our plans Saturday as it rained a little in the afternoon. I even tried to take Kevin for a walk, but that was cut short by rain. So basically we just sat around relaxing, watching Izzie play, messing with Kevin, enjoying the company. In celebration of Cinco De Mayo we went to a nice little Mexican place. Then we tried to listen to the Mets game on the radio but couldn't get it. I declined Josh's offer to sit in the car and drink beer. We watched a little NBA basketball but I was so sleepy I couldn't keep my eyes open.

The next day was more of the same. I deemed it too windy to go the National Zoo. It was questionable but it was going to be quite a schlepp and I'm glad we just did more hanging out. We went to the mall. Mrs. Poop and Erin looked at purses and baby items. Josh and I tried on Redskins leather helmets while pushing a baby stroller. Not our finest moment.

Then we went for lunch at this sports bar, Champs. We were evidently seated behind some kind of invisible curtain. We could see out, but nobody could see in. We sat for ten minutes before Josh finally flagged down a waitress who seemed completely confused. Eventually they sent a waiter over. We decided to order three appetizers for us all to split. Plus Erin ordered salad, Mrs. Poop and I had soup and Josh got the chili (thankfully we didn't stick around to smell the aftereffects of that). Then they brought two of our appetizers, the Mile High (literally) nachos and buffalo chicken tenders. The waiter came over to apologize because our potato skins were late and because they brought us buffalo chicken tenders we didn't order (but we did), and to assure us they wouldn't be on the bill. Then when he brought the potato skins he told us those wouldn't be on the bill either since we waited so long for them. Also at one point he brought an extra coke and said "doesn't matter there's free refills anyway." So basically instead of a check they gave us a bunch of gift cards. We gave the guy a nice tip and appreciated our good fortune.

The whole time all this was happening Izzie was sitting quiet as a church mouse.

Then it was time to go home. The trip home was a lot better than the trip there. We listened to the Mets game, but they lost and Mrs. Poop told me everything I need to know about baby furniture.

Wagner High School Scandal

The investigation of Regents exam tampering at Susan Wagner High School has expanded to include unrelated allegations that an assistant principal siphoned thousands of dollars in school funds for her own use, the Advance has learned.

Former assistant principal of organization Rita Spitzer, who retired from the Sea View school over the December break, is being investigated for "financial improprieties" by the Department of Education's investigative arm, according to a department spokeswoman.

Those alleged improprieties include filing an exorbitant amount of overtime hours, known as per session pay, for time that she did not work, according to sources familiar with the investigation.

Reached by phone last week, Ms. Spitzer acknowledged that she put in a lot of overtime at the school, but she insisted that those hours were legitimate and approved by principal Gary Giordano.

"I was there days, I was there nights, I was there working all the time," said Ms. Spitzer, who added that she often oversaw the school's afternoon and Saturday programs. "If I was there, then I'm the person who got paid for it. If I wasn't there, then another [assistant principal] would be paid for it. There's a whole document trail."

Giordano has himself been at the center of a Department of Education investigation since November, when more than a dozen teachers came forward with accusations that he had directed them to bump up Regents exam scores that were as much as 15 points below the passing mark of 65.

Since that investigation began, related allegations have emerged that an assistant principal at the school re-graded Regents exams in her office, and that another assistant principal -- Giordano's girl friend, assistant principal Mary Incantalupo -- helped re-grade tests at home, sources said.

Ms. Incantalupo, who transferred in September to a middle school in Brooklyn, could not be reached for comment.

The Regents tampering is the latest of several investigations of Susan Wagner High School administrators conducted by the Office of Special Investigations in recent years. Past allegations of impropriety have not been substantiated.

But the number and nature of complaints suggest an administration often at odds with its teaching staff, as well as opposing opinions about the ethical boundaries that govern Staten Island's traditionally close-knit education community.

Investigations have been spurred by questions about:

Whether Ms. Incantalupo's promotion to assistant principal after five years of teaching was influenced by her relationship with Giordano.

Whether Giordano's purchase of a home in Westerleigh in 2005 -- which his parents had bought from Nancy Ramos and her sisters in 2002 -- was a conflict of interest, since Ms. Ramos had become Giordano's supervisor as district superintendent in the interim.

Investigators also dismissed questions about Giordano's per-session pay, according to Giordano's lawyer, Mark Fonte, and about Ms. Spitzer's daughter's part-time work at the school last year, according to the Department of Education.

"Mr. Giordano's character is pristine and these anonymous allegations are totally unfair," Fonte said.

The latest inquiry of Giordano -- by far the most extensive of the lot -- has further soured the mood inside the school, according to teachers, and has at least partially trickled down to students.

"I do think it effects the students indirectly because it does directly affect the teachers who have been working under this cloud for a while," said a teacher at the school, who did not want to be identified. "The principal, his presence isn't nearly as strong as it was in the building. There has been some division among the staff as well, which doesn't lend to a good working environment."

He was one of several teachers who said that after six months of waiting, any resolution would be welcome.

"Whatever the case may be -- if the administration is found innocent, so be it," he said. "Move on."

But another teacher suggested that if Giordano's name is cleared, moving elsewhere could be an easier option than moving on.

"It sounds good to say it: 'Should he stay, then we move ahead with respect for one another; it will never go back to the way it was,'" she said. "[But] my sense is that a lot of people will transfer because they really don't believe that."

Messiest Cheeseburger Ever

A drunk David Hasselhoff tries to eat a burger while his daughter records the whole thing and makes him promise to stop drinking.

My New Best Friend

Dorky Lounge Singer Ruins A Classic

Michael Bubbly has a new CD on which he covers the classic "Me and Mrs. Jones."

For his next CD:

(please read like one of those cheesy promotional music collection commercials)

"All those soul classics you love…like you’ve never heard them before.

Michael Buble’s Got Soul!

The new CD from the artist behind hits like “Home” and “Feelin Good”

Hear Michael sing your favorite soul standards:

“it’s just another love TKO”

And :

“big wheels keep on turning, proud mary keep on burning”

But that’s not all, you’ll also hear

“I’m leaving (leavin) on a midnight train to Georgia. I’d rather live in his world, than without him, in mine.”

And what collection would be complete without the Betty Wright classic

“tonight, you make me a woman…”

All these songs and much more on the new CD “Michael Buble’s Got Soul”

Only $18.98 plus $4.95 shipping and handling

CD not available in stores"

What To Do at Shea Stadium If You Can't Watch The Game

Jacob Nasser, 68, drove a bus full of kids from an intermediate (middle school for non-NY Poopheads) school to Shea Stadium on a field trip to see Wednesday afternoon's game. When the next bus pulled up to park next to Nasser's bus, they saw him with his pants down masturbating with the aid of a mechanical device, believe to be a penis pump.
Nasser apparently wasn't shy when the passengers in the other bus saw him, he reportedly enjoyed the attention.
Police arrested him for public lewdness, confiscated his penis pump and found Valium on him, and tacked that onto the charges as well.
I imagine the bus was disinfected and driven home by one of the teachers.

I Don't See Anything Wrong With This

This billboard promoting the Bob & Tom radio show in Idaho is being taken down because it's too racy.

Protect and Serve

A frantic woman rushing to the hospital to meet her ailing father was pulled over and roughed up by an overzealous cop. And the whole thing was caught on dashcam.
She was pleading with the cop to let her go, and explained her reason. The cop obviously didn't believe her because he took license, registration and insurance.
After a couple minutes, the woman did something stupid, she started driving. The cop chased her down then got pissed. He grabbed her out of the car and slammed her down and the trunk and coughed her. When she pleaded that she was just trying to get to see her father he asid "good now you're not going to because you're going to jail."
Well, she was telling the truth, and the asshole cop is suspended

Inexcusable!

I know a lot of people think too much of a big deal is being made of Tom Brady being photographed while wearing a Yankees hat. But I think it's pretty bad because it just shows that athletes don't give a shit about their fans. Or about their cities. Or about anything but themselves. Athletes don't care whether they win or lose half as much as the fans do, because either way they get pee ay eye dee.
I bet it didn't even occur to Tom Brady that the same people who idolize him, despise the Yankees. And if it did, he probably couldn't understand how much it would upset the people of Boston.
Focks, please send this dude a Michigan hat.
It does seem like the tables have turned on Brady. For a long time it seemed like he could do no wrong, now, everything he does is wrong.
He gets criticized for not wearing a hat, and criticized for wearing the wrong hat.

I Hate the Whole Damn Vick Family

Marcus Vick is an asshole, but at least he does his evil deeds to Elvis Dumervil and kids in McDonald's. Michael Vick, tried to hide his marijuana and got away with it. Then he tried to hide the fact that he is involved in raising dogs for dogfighting, one of the most despicable things a person can do, but he couldn't. Vick claimed that he left the house, where dogs the fighting dogs were being bred and trained, in the care of family members and had no idea what was going on there. But he does own the website for a dog breeding kennel which bears his name.
Police found 66 pit bulls on the property as well as treadmills, vitamins, antibiotics to treat wounds...all things associated with dog fighting.
Vick vows to change his life. I hope he really does.

Derby Day

Poopheads, it's time to play the ponies. ESPN has a pick 6 game and of course I've created a group called Paul's Poop. It's best to follow that link because the game is kind of hidden on ESPN's website.
Here's how it works. You have 15 picks to spread out over the last 6 races on Derby Saturday, the last race of course being the Derby. You have to pick all 6 winners, or as many as possible.
Hopefully, we can get resident experts Pa Beers and Brother-in-law Derick into the group for this one.
Michael will put his 2-game winning streak on the line.

Fight of the Century

Floyd Mayweather vs. Oscar De La Hoya is being billed as the fight to save boxing. This is ridiculous. Boxing is dead. It will never again be anything more than a niche sport in the United States. In certain countries, especially Spanish speaking ones, certain fighters will be popular (apparently Manny Pacquiao can't walk down the streets of the Philippines) but it will never again be a big time sport in the U.S.
First of all, it doesn't appeal to women, but it never did.
Second of all, the young male audience that used to love boxing now spends its pay-per-view dollars on wrestling and UFC (which apparently gets incredible buyrates).
And no worthwhile boxing is ever on free TV. Every once in a while HBO has a good fight but mostly it's a good fighter against a chump.
And here's the main problem with boxing, it's a group of individuals, instead of an organized unit with a governing body to protect, nourish and grow the sport. UFC and WWE both have that.
For instance, this fight is so big, it could have drawn a huge audience on a Saturday night on NBC or Fox. But that means instead of a $35 million purse, maybe the fighters would have had to split $15 million. But there was no incentive for them to do it, because all boxers are essentially individual contractors.
Imagine how big this fight would be if it were on free TV. Everyone would watch. It would get better ratings than every show this year except for the Super Bowl and the American Idol finale.
But instead it's relegated to PPV for $55 and only a few crazies (Nails, Michael) will convince their friends to get together and chip in to buy the thing. Most of the money will come from bars which will have to shell out big bucks and maybe even charge admission to cover the cost.
All of this for a fight that probably won't be all that entertaining. Mayweather is good but mostly he runs around the ring trying not to get hit. He'll probably dance for 6 rounds, then catch a frustrated De La Hoya with a few good shots and win a very boring decision.

Piazza Injured

Mike Piazza will miss 4-to-6 weeks with a strained right shoulder he injured when he dove into third base in an unsuccessful attempt to avoid being tagged.

With two outs in the sixth and runners at first and second, Bobby Crosby hit a grounder to Boston third baseman Mike Lowell. Piazza and Lowell both hustled for the bag and collided near it. Piazza was tagged out and stayed on the ground in pain for a short time.

"It's frustrating," said Piazza, his arm in a sling. "I felt like I was starting to swing the bat a little better and it's a tough setback. It's really frustrating."

Piazza is batting .282 with 1 home run and 8 RBI in 103 at bats.

"I just wanted to get my at-bats in now and just keep seeing pitching," he said.

Oakland was leading 3-2 when Crosby grounded to Lowell. Piazza thought Lowell would throw to first and that was Lowell's initial intention, but he saw his best chance was to race Piazza to third.

Piazza said he saw "a little sliver of daylight" and dove headfirst rather than slide feet first. He first thought he had separated his shoulder, but the injury later was diagnosed as a strained AC joint.

"He just kind of landed on my arm," Piazza said. "It's just a freak thing, just a freak play, and he was obviously concerned."

Lowell lingered briefly at the base.

"When I said, 'are you all right?' he said, 'It's my arm, my arm,'" said Lowell, who called the Oakland clubhouse to see if Piazza was OK. "You hate to hear he's going to be out."

Britney is Back! And She's Hot Again!

Britney Spears gave an unpublicized concert at the House of Blues in San Diego Tuesday night. Word got out that it would be her, in her first concert since 2004. Even though the concert was billed as "The M&Ms" (I love M&Ms, especially those that are nuts, like Britney), many fans decided to buy tickets from scalpers.
Including this lucky guy who got a lapdance from Britney and her four slutty friends.

Does this remind anyone else of Janet Jackson's incredible performance during her HBO special from Hawaii?

Rich Eisen Update

It's possible that we may have rushed to judgment on those photos Rich Eisen received from Alycia Lane.
Lane says the pictures were vacation photos, showing her and her friends in bikinis on the beach and dancing at bars, they weren't boudoir photos like the ones Rose took in Mrs. Poop's favorite episode of "The Golden Girls."


I'll let Antontella Barba illustrate the point.
This is ok:



But this is not:

Handy Manny and His Talking Tools

Children in New Jersey got more than they bargained for when they tuned in to "Handy Manny" on the Disney Channel this week - hard-core pornography.
Cable giant Comcast is investigating how the porn was broadcast during the popular cartoon, which is about a bilingual handyman, Manny Garcia, and his talking tools.
Customer Paul Dunleavy was stunned to find his 5-year-old son watching the broadcast.
"It was two people doing their thing; it was full-on and it was disgusting."
Comcast spokesman Fred DeAndrea confirmed that the programming error occurred around 9:30 a.m. Tuesday. He declined to provide the duration of the porn broadcast but described it as an "isolated issue in a local New Jersey facility."

What Are They Nuts?

When you go to a baseball game you expect to see two things in the stands: people drinking beer and people eating peanuts.
To my knowledge pretty much every stadium has at least one alcohol free section. Anyone who has ever had their enjoyment of a game lessened by a drunk asshole seated nearby or next to them as was the case with me and the Concierge during Game 6 of the NLCS can understand why some people might opt for booze-free seating, especially those with children. What can I say, I'm growing old.

Now there will be a peanut-free section at Minnesota Twins game. A lot has changed since we were kids and if you are not aware somehow peanut allergies have become a huge thing and a lot of kids are so severely allergic they could die just by being in the same room as someone eating peanuts. There are apparently nut-free lunchrooms in every school. Every food you buy says "caution: may contain nuts." As someone with a peanut allergy (though evidently not very severe because I enjoy peanut M&Ms), I can understand the abundance of caution. It's probably not a good idea to wait until a kid dies to institute these changes.

You Asked For It, You Got It

A sideline reporter for Toronto's TSN chats up a drunk Bruce Willis during the Nets-Raptors game, and ends the interview 5 seconds too late.

Under Armor's Next Marketing Slogan

The great people who brought you "We Must Protect This House" and the infinitely less fun "Click, Clack" have a new slogan thanks to an employee who got drunk at Armor Day, a company outing at Camden Yards.



Under Armor, having a fuckin great time.

Btw, the reporter says I'm going to stand by "Boog's" as in Boog Powell's barbecue joint. It might sound like she says something else.

Does Anyone Know How To Read Anymore?

The reaction to a study written about in the New York Times, about racial bias by NBA officials has puzzled me.
Supposedly intelligent people like Michael and SCZA and an idiot like Charles Barkley all said the same thing, "of course there are more fouls called on black players, most of the NBA players are black."
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard because that's not what the study says. The study says fouls are called on black players at a higher rate than white players by white referees.
At a higher rate. Not in total, but at a higher rate.
In fact, the study adjusted for factors like the players’ positions, playing time and All-Star status; each group’s time on the court (black players played 83 percent of minutes, while 68 percent of officials were white); calls at home games and on the road; and other relevant data.

Now that we understand what the study is saying (I hope), let's explain logically why it is nonsense.

1) The study states that white referees call 4.1% more fouls against black players than white. 4.1% is not negligible, but I don't view it to be enormously significant. It's within an expected range of variation.
2) They didn't study individual officials, only crews as a whole which often have a mixed racial makeup. So no consideration was taken about which ref actually made the call.
3) There's no way to determine which calls were correct and which were incorrect and which were questionable. And if you want to prove bias I think you have to show that black players were unjustly called for fouls white players wouldn't have been.
4) In correct for playing time and other factors, some of those (such as a player's all-star status, and even his position) are subjective factors.
5) As SCZA, correctly points out, most of the European players (minus Tony Parker and Boris Diaw) are white, and they tend to play less aggressively and therefore may realistically be expected to commit fewer fouls. Also, and I'm not sure about this but I think white players are more likely to play less foul prone positions (point guard) than black players (most of the centers are black).
6) What did they do about Yao Ming? And Jason Kidd? Did half his fouls count against each race?

In summary this study is stupid and pointless but not as stupid as people who say of course more fouls are called on black players, there are more black players in the NBA.

Karma Smacks Pooh Holes

In Monday's game against the Brewers Pooh Holes was up against Jeff Suppan.
Suppan got ahead of Pujols 0-2 before Pujols fouled off a pitch, took two balls and fouled off another. After the next pitch he was awarded first base by home plate umpire Dan Iassogna.
No one noticed the mistake.
Pooh Holes was promptly erased on a double play by Scott Rolen to end the inning.

Nice Pants

A Washington D.C. judge named Roy Pearson is suing Jin and Soo Chung and their son, who own Custom Cleaners and two other dry cleaning shops in the Fort Lincoln section of Washington, D.C. for $67 million because they lost his pants.

Pearson says in court papers that he took a pair of pants into Custom Cleaners in Fort Lincoln that year, and the pants were lost.

So Jin and Soo Chung gave Pearson a $150 check for a new pair of pants.

Three years later, Pearson says he returned to Custom Cleaners.

This time he was about to start a new job as an administrative judge. He wanted to wear a nice suit on his first day of work, but he tried on five other suits from his closet, but found them all to be "too tight."

He brought one pair of pants in for alterations and they went missing, again.

First, Pearson demanded $1,150 for a new suit. Lawyers were hired, legal wrangling ensued and eventually the Chungs offered Pearson $3,000 in compensation.

He said no.

Then they offered him $4,600.

Nope.

Finally, they offered $12,000 for the missing gray pants with the red and blue stripes.

Pearson said no.

And this is what happens when you piss off a judge. He cites DC's consumer protection laws, claiming he is entitled to $1,500 for each violation, each day during which the "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign and another sign promising "Same Day Service" was up in the store -- more than 1,200 days.

And he's multiplying each violation by three because he's suing Jin and Soo Chung and their son.

He also wants $500,000 in emotional damages and $542, 500 in legal fees, even though he is representing himself in court.

He wants $15,000 for 10 years' worth of weekend car rentals as well, because he has to drive to a different dry cleaner farther away from his home.

Pearson plans to call 63 witnesses to support his claim.

Ironically, less than a week after Pearson dropped off the missing pants the dry cleaner found them.

They tried to return them to Pearson but he said they were the wrong pants.

It is amazing to me that a judge would abuse the law this way. I think they should be forced to buy him a cheap polyester suit and it should be the only suit he's allowed to wear for the rest of his life.

Rich Eisen Sleeps on the Couch

NFL Network anchor Rich Eisen (Wagner High School, Class of '86) is in a little hot water with his wife, Suzy Shuster, a sideline reporter for ABC's college football.

Eisen received e-mails from Philadelphia TV reporter Alycia Lane. Along with the e-mails were 7 photos of Lane in a bikini. Problem is, she sent them to an e-mail account Shuster and Eisen share.



When she saw the photos Shuster wrote back:
""Boy, do you look amazing in a bikini . . . congrats! Whatever you're doing, (Pilates? yoga?) keep doing it - it's working for you. Anyway, sorry but those seven e-mails you sent to my husband, Rich, well, oops, they came to the e-mail address we both use from time to time, but no worries, I'll forward the beach shots as well as the ones of you dancing with your friends on to his main address. Do you have it? Since you surely are trying so hard to get his attention. I mean, what better way to get a guy's attention than with skin! Best - Suzy Shuster Eisen"

Idol Chatter

I think figuring out how this 2 week voting thing will play out is going to be very interesting. Were more votes cast last week because NewsCorp was pledging for each vote? Will that skew the results to those who did well last week?
I'll stand by my call of Jordin and Chris but other than Blake I don't think anyone is safe.

Speaking of Blake, jhughes says he liked his new version of "You Give Love a Bad Name."

But he hated when Melinda and LaKisha put their own spin on their songs. JBJ even told Melinda to take it to church. Jhughes says that shit don't sell, but when was the last time you saw a beatboxer on the Billboard charts?

Strange that it's three white men vs. three black women in the final 6. This will be a referendum on how far we've come as a people.

How To Solve the Iraq War

The presence of U.S. forces is getting blamed for increased violence in Iraq. I think we should drop pamphlets, buy ad time on Al-Jazeera and say "The United States promises to leave Baghdad when all bombings and assassinations cease for a period of three months."
If they really want us out of there that badly all they have to do is stop killing each for three months and we'll leave.

Baseball is Poop

Yankee Phenom
The second career start for Yankees pitching phenom Phil Hughes was going great. He had a no-hitter going and a 9-0 lead. Then he became the 53rd Yankee to hurt his hamstring this season. He limped off the mound then Mike Myers blew his no-hitter. Now Hughes will miss four to six weeks.




Back in 1998, Roy Halladay took a no-hitter into the ninth inning of his second career start. If Hughes has as good of a career as Halladay is having, Yankee fans are going to be very happy, and very obnoxious for a long time to come.

That's Gratitude For Ya
A few days after he almost got suspended for three years for giving the Royals champagne , he got hit in the face with a pitch by Royals pitcher Zach Greinke. At least he had a good sense of humor about it.



Better Late Than Never
With runners on first and third and one out in a game against the Indians, Orioles catcher Ramon Hernandez hit a line drive that was snared by Indians centerfielder, Grady Sizemore. Nick Markakis tagged up and came home from third, then Sizemore threw to first to double up Tejada. By rule, on double plays that are not the result of a force, a run will be allowed if it crosses the plate before the third out is recorded. The umpires did not allow Markakis' run. The Orioles complained, but not right away. Then several innings later the umpires gave the Orioles the run...three innings later. That led to a protest from the the Indians. That protest should certainly be upheld and the game should be replayed from that point, with that run credited to the Orioles. A protest hasn't been upheld in more than 20 years.

Song of the Week

"Bless the Broken Road" - Rascal Flatts
I had never heard this song or this group until Carrie Underwood sang it on American Idol.
I do like country music and I do like the sentiment of this song. It's similar to the theme expressed in Gerald Levert's "Made To Love Ya." That is, all the things that happen to you are what make you they way you are, and lead you to the person you eventually fall in love with.

Growing Old

It happens to all of us. We start out as cute little babies and we turn into awkward, gangling douchebags. Yes, even I started out as a cute kid. My mom has the pictures to prove it.

Remember Knut? The polar bear who captured your heart when he was abandoned by his whore of a mother?




Now Knut has grown up (he's 5 months now) and he's not quite as cute as he used to be. He's twice as big (up to 37 pounds), he's got sharp teeth and his fur is no longer pure snow white in color. Plus he has acne and his palms get sweaty around female polar bears.

They've Got Issues

Right now the Mets are a .600 team but they've lost four of six and the two wins were lucky. Injuries have started to hit and cracks are starting to show. The Recap analyzes three issues confronting the team and what should be done about them.

Idol Chatter

Phil Stacey could have played the gay cowboy in Young Guns? Was there a gay guy in Young Guns? If not they should have cast Phil. I didn't love his performance, I just don't like his style.

Jordin was horrible on "Living on a Prayer." She was singing like she was dead. This song is all about screaming and passion and energy and she sounded like a zombie. I think she was handicapped by the fact that she didn't live through the Living on a Prayer hysteria of the mid-80s. She is also isn't old enough to have been in a Jersey shore bar when this song is played. She's never seen 20 drunk girls stop using their beer bottles to simulate fellatio and start using them as a microphone to scream "whoa - oh, we're halfway there."

I did like LaKisha and I don't think I have ever heard that Bon Jovi song before. Obviously the kiss will be the most talked about thing from this episode but I think she saved herself with this because she was in real danger of going home. Why couldn't she sit down in that outfit?

I think Blake is trying to get himself kicked off because he knows if he wins he'll have to do the kind of album the pussy American Idol producers can sell to 13 year old girls. But Blake wants to do his own edgy new-age album instead. But I actually thought it was cool. He hasn't overdone it with the beat boxing this season and I think this was actually a good time to do it. But clearly Jon Bon Jovi did not want him fucking with his song. Mrs. Poop did not like his dark hair. I liked his large breasted fan they showed. Anyone notice her?

Chris Richardson sucks. He needs to go.

Melinda was really good but I'm so sick of her sheepishness.

As they dwindle the number of people left the shows get less exciting. Especially now that we don't have Sanjaya's stupid hair and Haley's slutty clothes.

Love the message from Mr. and Mrs. Bush. The President put the em-FAH-sis on the wrong sil-AH-bull when he said af-RICK-uh. I also liked the joke they made about his dancing.

I think Chris and Jordin will go home this week but that seems a little too obvious. So I think LaKisha is in danger. I think Phil is safe.