The NFL is Poop - Week 12

Make a Tackle
The San Diego Chargers are once again cementing their status as a perennial disappointment. After winning 3 of their first 4, they have lost 6 of 7 since. The latest one an epic collapse against the Ravens punctuated by a humiliating 4th and 29 conversion. After a holding penalty, and a 9-yard loss on a sack, the Ravens faced 4th and 29 at their own 37. Flacco threw a short pass to Ray Rice who weaved through the entire Chargers defense and came down with just enough yardage for the first down (the initial ruling was overturned on review). It was the longest 4th down conversion (non-penalty) since Rob Johnson hit Peerless Price for a 40-yard touchdown on 4th-and-34 in 2001. Baltimore got a last-second field goal on that drive to tie, and eventually won in overtime.

I Can't Make Up My Mind About This
The Atlanta Falcons won again, beating the ExpensiveCornPrices 24-23 to improve their record to 10-1. A controversial decision by Greg Schiano may have helped them. Many people are killing him for it, but I am really undecided. Here's the situation: 4th and 7 from the Atlanta 38. 3:30 left, 3 timeouts. Schiano sent his kicker out for a 56-yard try which missed. Should he have punted instead and tried to play defense? Unless you get a perfect punt, chances are they're going to take over from their own 20. After a missed FG, they took over at the 46. So would you trade 26 yards of field position for a field goal attempt. I think you have to try. Because even if you miss, and you stop them on 3 downs and make them punt, you still get another goo offensive possession. As it turned out, the Falcons picked up two first downs and pretty much salted the game away.

It Happens to the Best of Them
I think the percentage of teams that win when they allow a defensive touchdown is about 15-20%. Allowing two defensive touchdowns is probably a death sentence. And so it was for the Saints against the 49ers. The first one was a real game-changer. The Saints had just picked off Kaepernick, and had the ball around midfield, right before the end of the first half. A couple first downs and a field goal would have meant a 17-7 halftime lead. Instead it was 14-14. The second one pretty much ended it. The 49ers scored on their first possession of the second half and then Brees threw the INT on second down. 3 touchdowns in 4 minutes of game time.

And to the Worst of Them
The Cardinals started off 4-0 and haven't won since. Their latest horrible quarterback, John Lindley, threw 4 interceptions total, 2 of them returned for touchdowns by Janoris Jenkins. Jenkins started off his college career at Florida but was arrested twice in 2009 for bar fights, and cited by police twice in 2011 for marijuana. He was dismissed from the team and played one season at the University of North Alabama. He was taken with the 39th pick in the draft, despite clearly having first round talent. He seems to be well on his way to repaying the Rams for the faith they placed in him.

Worst Game of the Week
Cleveland Browns 20 Pittsburgh Steelers 14
Just an incredibly embarrassing and poorly played game. The Steelers were starting their 3rd string quarterback, Charlie Batch. But he is a 16-year veteran, they treated him like he was a rookie. They ran on almost every down, except obvious passing situations. By the middle of the second quarter they opened it up a little and he passed for 52 yards (and got another 25 on a pass interference call) on a touchdown drive that gave Pittsburgh a 14-13 lead at the half. Too bad they had to play the second half. The Steelers had the ball 8 times in the second half: punt, interception, punt, interception, punt, interception, fumble, fumble. 5 turnovers in the second half, 8 in all, 3 more fumbles that the Steelers either recovered or went out of bounds.

Worst Game of Next Week
Carolina Panthers at Kansas City Chiefs
I actually think the Panthers should be big favorites here, even though they're on the road. As much as Cam Newton has regressed, he's better than anyone Kansas City can throw out there.

Game of Next Week
New York Giants at Washington Redskins
The Giants can really announce themselves as reborn and on their way to another incredible Super Bowl Run with a win here. The Redskins can announce themselves as playoff contenders, which considering the injuries, the cap hit and the lack of talent in year 1 of the RGIII era would be an amazing accomplishment.

Picture of the Week
The sprinklers go off in the middle of the Dolphins-Seahawks game.

Cheerleaders of the Week
Megan Meadors & Crystal Anne LastNameWithheld of the Indianapolis Colts Cheerleaders Megan promised to shave her head in solidarity with cancer-stricken coach Chuck Pagano if fans raised $10,000 for the IU Simon Cancer Center. They raised $22,000 so Crystal Anne offered up her hair as well.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 24 Houston Texans 23
Neither of these teams was particularly impressive and they both got lucky (Houston especially) to win. But so far Baltimore and San Francisco haven't done enough to dethrone them.

Worst. Restaurant Review. Ever!

Celebrity chef Guy Fieri opened a new restaurant. The New York Times reviewer Pete Wells did not like it. What ensued was one of the worst reviews in restaurant history.

"Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret — a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers — called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?"

As you can see, Guy Fieri and Emily Dickinson don't look alike at all.

"Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?"

Why is the watermelon margarita blue? That doesn't make sense.

"How did nachos, one of the hardest dishes in the American canon to mess up, turn out so deeply unlovable? Why augment tortilla chips with fried lasagna noodles that taste like nothing except oil? Why not bury those chips under a properly hot and filling layer of melted cheese and jalapeños instead of dribbling them with thin needles of pepperoni and cold gray clots of ground turkey?"

"Somewhere within the yawning, three-level interior of Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, is there a long refrigerated tunnel that servers have to pass through to make sure that the French fries, already limp and oil-sogged, are also served cold?"

"And when we hear the words Donkey Sauce, which part of the donkey are we supposed to think about?"

"Why did the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?"

If you want to read the entire epic takedown of this restaurant here is the full New York Times review of Guy's American Kitchen and Bar.

But consider this: I don't think this is going to hurt the restaurant's business. The likely clientele of this establishment, budget tourists and families with children, probably have far less discerning tastes than a New York Times food critic. And there are few other affordable and appropriate food options for them in Times Square. I'm sure the Olive Garden would have gotten a similarly dreadful review from the New York Times, but the one in Times Square is packed. More importantly though, this could foment an entire new kind of tourism, people going there just to see how bad it is. Like a food version of a train crash. Our team has even discussed having our annual holiday lunch there, just to see how it is. If we do, I will let you know.

Weekly Picks

Add 3 more points to the total and something of a revival 10 points in the past 3 weeks. Still a horrible season but I am trying to turn it around.

new england -6.5 NEW YORK JETS
The Jets stink.

NEW ORLEANS +1 1/2 san francisco
I don't have confidence that Colin Kaepernick can do that again. Especially not if he has to match passes with Drew Brees.

green bay +3 NEW YORK GIANTS
If the Packers were getting one additional half point they would be my best bet. At a certain point the Giants horrible play recently becomes a trend and not a blip. That said, they will lose this game and then probably not again on the way to winning their second straight Super Bowl. This is the first time I can ever remember picking against the Giants.

st. louis +2 ARIZONA
Ryan Lindley is getting his first career start for the Cardinals in this game.

BEST BET
pittsburgh -2 CLEVELAND
I actually have some confidence in Charlie Batch to put a few scores up in this game. I know the Browns have been frisky lately but I think the Steelers will pull it out.

Last Week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 24-31 (19 points)
Best Bets: 0-0 (3-8)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (5-16)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (6-2)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (8-8)
Road Underdogs: 0-2 (5-5)

The NFL is Poop - Thanksgiving Edition

That Rule Needs to Change
A big controversy marred the Texans 34-31 over the Lions. Houston running back Justin Forsett was tackled, popped right back up and ran down the field for an 81-yard touchdown. No whistle blew, but Forsett was clearly down. No problem, it will just be overturned on review, because all scoring plays are automatically reviewed. But Lions coach Jim Schwartz threw his red challenge flag. He got a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. And the play became unreviewable. I agree with the first part, you don't want coaches throwing the flag all the time, delaying the game, and getting a free chance to lobby the officials. But to make the play not reviewable? That is too harsh. I could actually see a circumstance where a coach could throw his flag on a scoring play or turnover that benefits his team in order to make it not reviewable. Unless there is some other clause prohibiting that. This rule will be changed in the offseason.

The Jets Are in Total Disarray
That game was a complete and total embarrassment for the Jets. And it wasn't all Mark Sanchez's fault. Yes, his first interception was terrible. And he is going to be the "butt" of jokes for running into his lineman's ass and fumbling.





But he had nothing to do with the fumble on the kickoff return. Or the 83-yard screen pass the defense allowed. The Jets entire team stinks. They went for broke a couple years ago stratifying their salary structure with a few high-priced players and filling the rosters with low-paid scrubs. Now those players are no longer producing and the whole thing has gone to shit.
I think Mark Sanchez is an average quarterback if he's on a good team like he was in his first two years. But when the team is bad and he has to pass too much, he becomes horrible. Tim Tebow is obviously not the answer. But I would at least like to see them give him a chance if he's healthy. Nothing could be worse than what happened to the Jets on Thanksgiving.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
This Thanksgiving I am thankful for Robert Griffin III. In the past two weeks he has thrown 8 touchdowns and only 9 incomplete passes. I was initially unsure of his accuracy on deep balls but his throw to Aldrick Robinson was perfect (even though it didn't need to be because he was so wide open.
I'm also glad the Shanahans have gotten a little more aggressive in their play-calling. They started off running on nearly every first and second down play, forcing RGIII into 3rd down situations. They opened it up with the long bomb to Robinson which opened the floodgates.
Also, on that late drive which led to the clinching field goal, the Redskins threw a pass on 3rd and 8 from the 30. Had the field goal missed, they would have been killed on two counts: for not getting extra yards and for not killing an extra 30 seconds. But three previous times on that drive the Redskins threw, and completed passes to keep the drive going. Had they just tried to run every down to kill the clock they probably would have been stopped short of the field goal, and with much more time on the clock.
I know the game got close at the end but I really am not holding that against the defense. They played great last week, great again until they fell into the prevent defense.

Song of the Week

"When Will I See You Again" - The Three Degrees
This Thanksgiving, I give thanks for Gamble & Huff and the entire Philadelphia Soul era, of which this song was one of the biggest hits. And also for precious moments with the ones I love.
Love any song that starts with "aaaaaah-aaaaaaah, oooooh-ooooooh" or any similar such lyrics(?).

The NFL is Poop - Week 11

Gronk's Broken Arm
Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski broke his right arm while blocking on the extra point that made the final score Patriots 59 Colts 24. First of all, Belichick does run up the score. He did it to a reasonable degree in this game. But playing Gronkowski on an extra point is not an example of that. He's a part of the regular extra point team so he plays on extra points. That's how it goes.

Bad Quarterbacking
Matt Ryan threw 5 interceptions and zero touchdowns in the Falcons 23-19 win over the Cardinals. The last 95 quarterbacks to do that, lost that game. But those 95 weren't playing against John Skelton and Ryan Lindley. They were 11 for 27 for only 41 yards, 1.5 yards per pass attempt. But even that wasn't enough. The Falcons also needed a bogus fumble call, returned for a touchdown, to dispatch the Cardinals. Does anyone else remember when the Cardinals were 4-0? They are now 4-6.

Strangest Play I've Seen in a While
Long after most people had given up on the Bears-49ers game occurred on of the most unusual plays in recent memory. On 3rd and 28 from their own 8, Jason Campbell was pressured in the end zone, he fumbled right before he got taken down. Offensive lineman Chilo Rachal was about to fall on the ball, but decided to throw the ball out of the end zone instead. It was initially ruled as illegal batting. The referee said "he threw it actually forward, which is an incomplete pass." The officials conferred and the referee changed his call "because it was a forward pass, we're going to go with intentional grounding." But then Jim Harbaugh challenged, and on review it was found that Rachal was actually down by contact in the end zone before that occurred, resulting in a safety. I hope my explanation was better than the one in the official play-by-play.

Game of the Week I
Houston Texans 43 Jacksonville Jaguars 37
Maybe the reason this game was so close is because Blaine Gabbert got knocked out of it. I am not saying Chad Henne is a good NFL quarterback, but I doubt Gabbert would have been able to hang in with Schaub the way Henne did. He came up with enough big plays like the 67-yarder to Cecil Shorts III (get that jersey) and 81-yard touchdown to Justin Blackmon to keep the game interesting, but eventually Schaub took over. Down 14 in the 4th quarter he led an 80-yard TD drive, then an 90-yard TD drive (with a Jacksonville 3 and out in between) and late in overtime hit Andre Johnson on a short pass than Johnson took to the endzone fo r the game-winning score. Matt Schaub threw for 527 yards in the game, tied for 2nd most all-time. But that should definitely have an asterisk. Not only did he have overtime aiding him (115 of those yards), he had an extended overtime. And Andre Johnson’s 273-yard game (9th all-time) should be similarly marked with a scarlet letter.

Game of the Week II
Dallas Cowboys 23 Cleveland Browns 20
The two Texas teams played the two worst teams in the NFL at home, and needed overtime to pull off the victories. Somehow the Cowboys fell behind 13-0, mostly because Romo had a horrible first half because he kept getting sacked and pressured. Neither team really wanted to win. After the Cowboys took a 17-13 lead with 5:45 left the Browns had the ball and a chance to take the lead. They fumbled. Giving the Cowboys a chance to put the game away. They fumbled. The Browns drove to the 1. And got stopped. Dallas really should have put it away this time. But they went 3 and out and used only 32 seconds. Thanks to a long Josh Cribbs return and a wrong horse-collar penalty (he actually pulled Cribbs's hair) the Browns took over at the 17, and threw a TD pass on first down. Giving the Cowboys too much time. They kicked a field goal to tie, and another on their second possession of overtime to win. But not something the Texas teams should be celebrating.

Game of the Week III
Green Bay Packers 24 Detroit Lions 20
This game came down to one big decision by Jim Schwartz. 4th down and goal at the 9 with 4:30 left. Detroit up 17-14. Schwartz played it safe and kicked the field goal. But he gave the ball back to Aaron Rodgers who drove down field and beat them. I don't necessarily disagree with the move, but I would have tried to gain some yards on 2nd and 3rd downs to set up a shorter 4th down conversion if needed.

Game of the Week IV
Tampa Bay ExpensiveCornPrices 27 Carolina Panthers 21
The best comeback of the day as the ECPs scored 17 points in a span of about 9 minutes covering regulation and overtime. The ECPs had 3 drives, 24 plays for 178 yards leading to a field goal, a touchdown, a 2-point conversion and a walk-off touchdown. The Panthers got only one drives, 7 plays for 36 yards over that span. Josh Freeman does have a knack for making plays in the fourth quarter and the ECPs now have a 4-game winning streak.

Game of Next Week
Houston Texans at Detroit Lions
I'm not just picking it because it's the traditional Thursday afternoon Thanksgiving game. I like the explosive offenses in this one. Should be a fun game for a national audience that may not yet be on the Texans bandwagon.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The best game the Redskins have played in a long time. Certainly the best game RGIII has played, maybe the best, statistically, he will ever play. It will be very hard to top 14 out of 15 with 4 touchdown passes and another 84 on the ground. I have two concerns about him being a long-term winning quarterback in this lead. Can he stay healthy, and can he throw the deep ball. Both will take years to answer, but he provided a lot of evidence that he can make deep passes. Let's not go crazy, Aldrick Robinson was wide open, and Santana Moss made an incredible catch. But he got the ball there (after a huge windup on the throw to Moss) and got the job done.

Picture of the Week
Calvin Johnson slam dunks the ball after scoring a touchdown.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Houston Texans 17 San Francisco 49ers 14
I can't in good conscience give this slot to the Falcons with the way they've been playing lately. If Matt Ryan plays that way and the 49ers defense plays the way they did against the Bears, that game would be 99-0.

Weekly Picks

Continued to build on my good week the previous week. 7-3 the past two weeks. Still missed my best bet and did not intentionally try to jinx the Giants, despite what you may think. I like a lot of underdogs this week and was debating going with 5 dogs.

philadelphia +3 1/2 WASHINGTON
Again, this is not a reverse jinx. This is a pick based on the fact that not only do I not think the loss of Vick will hurt the Eagles, I think it will actually help. They'll give the ball to McCoy more and turn it over less. I also think the league has figured out RGIII and Kyle Shanahan has yet to adjust. Redskins have been inept on offense in their last three games.

indianapolis +9 1/2 NEW ENGLAND
The Patriots defense has been pretty awful. They have trouble holding leads and the Colts are definitely frisky. This seems like too many.

PITTSBURGH +3 1/2 baltimore
Another bet here that the loss of the starting QB is overrated. At least for the first week.

DALLAS -7 cleveland
This is when the Tony Romo Cowboys start to make their move. If Dallas wins here and beats the Redskins on Thanksgiving, highly likely, and the Giants continue to struggle, they could sneak in and take the NFC East.

BEST BET
tampa bay -1 1/2 CAROLINA
So I didn't go with an underdog for my best bet. And I went with a team that has been incredibly hot and everyone is jumping on the bandwagon. But the spread is so low all they have to do is win, and I like their chances.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 22-28 (16 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (2-8)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (5-15)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (4-2)
Road Favorites: 1-2 (7-8) Road Underdogs: 1-0 (5-3)

What Do You Give Me For? Paula Broadwell and Madeiline Stowe

What do you give me for the woman at the center of the David Petraeus scandal, Paula Broadwell, and Madeiline Stowe, the actress sure to to play her in the movie version?

It's Trout, No Doubt

The race for American League MVP between Miguel Cabrera and Mike Trout has become one of the most controversial in recent memory, odd since it really isn't even close, when you look at it the right way.
The common description of the race is old-school vs. new-school, the stat geeks vs. the baseball guys. But really it's common sense vs. faulty logic.

These are the main arguments for Miguel Cabrera:
He won the Triple Crown which hasn't been done since 1967. Miguel Cabrera hit 44 home runs in 161 games. Josh Hamilton hit 43 in 148 games. So if you give Cabrera the award just because he led the league in home runs, you're basically doing it because Josh Hamilton got hurt.

He led his team to the playoffs. Granted, Cabrera was hot down the stretch and Trout cooled off but all wins count the same in standings. But you also have to consider that the Tigers won 88 games and the Angels won 89. And Trout missed the first 20 games, and the Angels went 6-14. With Trout on the roster the Angels had a .585 winning percentage. With Cabrera the Tigers were .543. Add to that the fact that all the teams in Trout's division (Rangers, A's and Mariners) had better team ERAs than any team in Cabrera's division. So if you give Cabrera the award just because his team made the playoffs, you're basically doing it because the White Sox (and the Twins and Royals) suck.

Now that I have shot holes through the two biggest arguments in favor of Cabrera, let's look at the biggest thing Trout has going for him. The award is called Most Valuable Player. Not best hitter.

Defense: according to UZR, Trout saved the Angels 11 runs with defense. Cabrera cost his team 10. Would this race even be a race if Trout had 11 more homers, and Cabrera 10 fewer? No, and runs saved on defense are every bit as important as runs created at bat.

Base-running: Trout created 12 extra runs with his base-running thanks to his 49 steals (an 91% success rate) and Cabrera cost his team three runs.

The reason it comes down to little things like defense and base-running is because offensively they are so close. Cabrera has slight advantage in OPS, but Trout takes OPS+ because of park advantage. Both players are exactly tied in wRC+ (weighted runs created plus), also an adjusted number. Those are all very good measures of total offensive production.

Unlike RBI, which is frequently used to bolster Cabrera. Sure driving in runs is important, but runners need to be on base in order for that to happen.

This is not just a debate of stats vs. scouts. It's the right stats vs. the wrong stats. This is not about WAR, notice I didn't even mention it. It is about the things that WAR tells us. That these two players are very equal in offensive production. But in value (the other key word in MVP) they're not even close. Trout contributed more to his team in the field and on the bases, enough to overcome the slight, very slight, deficit in offensive production. And he did it all at a position that is much more valuable (harder to fill) than the one Cabrera played.

And that is why Mike Trout deserves to be the 2012 AL MVP.

Junk in Our Trunk

In order to have give the children of Fair Lawn a memorable Halloween in light of Hurricane Sandy, the town arranged two "trunk or treats" at local schools. Here's how it works. You park your car in the lot and hand candy to children out of the trunk, or in the cases of SUVs and minivan, out of the rear hatch/door. The event was scheduled to run 5:30 - 7:30, so we got there at 5, to make sure we got a parking spot.

And to decorate our car.

By 5:20 kids had started trick or treating. It's much more efficient and easier to go car to car in one big parking lot where everyone is a willing participant than it is to go door-to-door ringing bells while grumpy neighbors pull the blinds.

But by 6:00 we were out of candy. Many people who came to trunk or treat but couldn't get into the parking lot, or didn't want to get trapped, at least gave their candy to other people to give out. But many others did not. We went through 11 bags of candy total.

The firefighters supervising the event originally told us we had to stay until 7:30 but they eventually relented and let the first wave of cars leave. Since we had all run out of candy. The trunk or treat went well, it could use some improvements, but hopefully we won't have to hastily arrange a Halloween alternative because of downed power lines for a very long time.

And the kids had a blast and got a lot of candy...

...three pound's worth. And that's really what matters.

Here's a few Halloween bonus pictures:

Me, scaring a 5th grade banana at the Radburn Elementary School Halloween Dance.

Chase dressed as Jake from Jake and the Neverland Pirates and Julian as Nemo. And yes, this is the best picture of the two of them in costume.

And Julian wearing the Cobra Kai costume.

Song of the Week

"Nobody's Perfect" - J. Cole featuring Missy Elliott
"Nobody's perfect, but you're perfect for me."
That's a message I often say to Mrs. Poop. We're not perfect, we're perfect for each other.

The NFL is Poop - Week 10

Head Cases
With all the focus on protecting quarterbacks, particularly from head injury, three big name QBs were concussed this week, and only one on an illegal hit. Jay Cutler was hit under the chin, which drew a flag (but was offset by a penalty on Cutler), but the hits on Michael Vick and Alex Smith were legal.

All three quarterbacks had to leave the game, though Cutler stuck around long enough to throw another interception. I know many people think the pendulum has swung too far and the game has been unnecessarily altered in order to protect star quarterbacks but this is why.
Quarterbacks are so vulnerable, and so important, that they merit this kind of protection. If an offensive lineman gets hurt, even a star one, it is not going to ruin the entire team. But now these three teams, plus the Steelers (with Roethlisberger’s shoulder injury) face uncertain seasons because of injuries to their quarterbacks.

I Hope That Wasn’t a Super Bowl Preview
Everyone was really looking forward to the Bears-Texans game expecting it to be a Super Bowl preview. Let’s hope not. The game was horrible, 6 turnovers, only 19 points. I know both teams have good defense but this was more of a case of bad offense.

A Tie is Like Kissing Your Sister
Another disappointing game was the 49ers and Rams game ending in a tie. In this day and age when 50-yard field goals are routine, it’s hard for a game to end in a tie. Some major ineptitude must take place, and that’s exactly what happened. On the first play of overtime, Sam Bradford threw an 80-yard pass to Danny Amendola, which would have set the Rams up at the 2-yard line. But there was an illegal formation, no one lined up on the line of scrimmage outside the tackler. The Rams didn’t score. Then David Akers missed a field goal for the 49ers. He’s only of the most accurate kickers in NFL history. The Rams got another chance, and Greg “The Leg” Zuerlein nailed a 53-yard field goal…BUT the play clock had run out. He missed the ensuing 58-yarder. But those weren’t the only screw-ups in this game. The referees let the clock run for a 1:12 while doing a measurement, and no one caught the error until it was too late to be corrected.

Popping Bottles
Mercury Morris and the 1972 Dolphins are celebrating another season without an undefeated team with the Atlanta Falcons loss to the Saints. The Falcons never gave off the air of the team that could go through a season unbeaten. They weren’t dominating, they were squeaking out wins against bad teams, and they almost did it again. They were stopped twice from the 1, and once more from the 2 turning it over on downs. Then they got it back again and Matt Ryan flung one deep to Roddy White, who was open, but he turned the wrong way. The more interesting storyline from this game may be whether the Saints can actually emerge from the hole they dug themselves and make the playoffs.

Game of the Week
New England Patriots 37 Buffalo Bills 31
Things always get crazy when these two teams get together. Their first matchup this season the Bills took an early lead, but the Patriots exploded to win 52-28. This time it was the Pats who took the early lead, and the Bills almost came back. Their three drives in the 4th quarter ended with a fumble deep in Patriots territory, a touchdown, and then an interception in the end zone when a touchdown likely would have won the game.

Game of Next Week
Indianapolis Colts at New England Patriots
Luck versus Brady. The changing of the guard in the AFC perhaps?

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
No loss this week, which is nice. Hopefully they can get back to the offense they had early in the season when they were actually putting points on the board. This week we face the Eagles who will be starting Nick Foles, and then Thanksgiving Day in Dallas. Picture of the Week
Awesome stiff arm by Chris Ivory on his touchdown run that helped the Saints beat the Falcons.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today Houston Texans 23 Atlanta Falcons 16 Not as much change here as I thought we might see but the Texans dominated the Bears and the Falcons looked bad.

I Want My Life Back

Two weeks ago today I stayed in the city after work due to the impending storm. That night our power went out. The following day we spent the evening at a friend’s house, going home only to sleep. The next day was Halloween; we hit the mall to try to give the kids some semblance of a normal Halloween. That was a disaster. Then Mrs. Poop fled to her parents’ house. I stayed home alone in a 55 degree house Wednesday and Thursday night before fleeing for Connecticut as well. Got home Saturday, was home Sunday, Did trunk or treat Monday night (more on that in another post) before working a million hours on Tuesday and then dealing with another snowstorm and finally getting back to normal, kind of, over the weekend.
That’s a rough synopsis of the last two weeks. I am sure many of you feel the same way. Superstorm Sandy and the subsequent recovery were major disruptions to our established routines.

Ship Out

Syracuse beat San Diego State in what may be the last college basketball game on an aircraft carrier.
The Orange were led by their slashers, Brandon Triche, Michael Carter-Williams and CJ Fair. Those three shot 20 of 41 for 49 points.
The game was played on the deck of the USS Midway in San Diego. It was originally scheduled for Friday night and was delayed until Sunday afternoon because of the weather forecast which called for wind and rain.
Once the game got going it was really cool to watch. The sun was out, there were shadows on the court, the backdrop was gorgeous.

But I think the elements really hindered both teams. Syracuse made only 1 of 4 3-pointers. They were smart enough not to shoot them. San Diego State shot 1 of 18. Clearly the wind was affecting long range shots. The teams made only 25 of 52 free throws.

But at least they got to play. The two other games on aircraft carriers (Ohio State vs. Marquette on the USS Yorktown in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina and Florida vs. Georgetown on the USS Bataan in Jacksonville, Florida) were both canceled. Florida and Georgetown even played the first half, but couldn't come back after halftime because of moisture on the court.

The aircraft carrier games are a cute novelty and they raise money for worth causes for injured returning soldiers. But after these debacles I think it might be best to hold futures military fundraising basketball games indoors.

Weekly Picks

Finally a good week. It did turn out to be one of the easiest weeks in years, but still 50% of the teams lost so I take a little pride and hope to keep the good feelings going.

denver -3 1/2 CAROLINA
I love the way Peyton Manning's playing and the Panthers are bad. I actually like picking against bad teams right after a win.

atlanta -2 1/2 NEW ORLEANS
Atlanta has been walking a lot of tightropes on the way to 8-0 but the Saints, even though they are showing signs of life, are still terrible on defense. And Atlanta keeps finding a way to wind.

houston +1 1/2 CHICAGO
Everybody is on the Bears bandwagon right now. But please remember even with an awesome ballhawk like Peanut Tillman, turnovers are largely a product of luck. I say they don't get the turnovers this week, and Cutler makes a few.

MINNESOTA +2 1/2 detroit
This is another contrarian indicator. The Lions have been hot lately but their defense still stinks. Ponder has been bad lately, but things do tend to turn around.

BEST BET
new york giants -3 1/2 CINCINNATI

All of the sudden the Giants stink, Eli Manning is bad again and the Giants fans are panicking. The team is good, Eli Manning is great and no way they lose two straight games, the second against the Bengals. But they do like to make things interesting so I am moderately afraid of a field goal game.

Last Week: 4-1 (5 points)
Season: 19-26 (14 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (2-7)
Home Favorites: 2-0 (5-15)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (4-2)
Road Favorites: 2-0 (6-6)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (4-3)

3000 Words: Hurricane Sandy Edition

My alma mater, Susan E. Wagner High School is being used as a staging ground for relief efforts. And those displaced from their homes by the storm are sleeping in the school's gymnasium.

New York Magazine photo of the city with the lights out in most of Lower Manhattan.

The destroyed boardwalk at Point Pleasant Beach where we have taken the kids the past two years, and hope to make an annual tradition.

How Tall This Fall

Our Halloween tradition continues. Kids are getting big.

2012:

2011:



2010:



2009:



2008:



2007:

Behind the Numbers

I love looking at exit polls to see which groups and topics that haven't gotten much attention are interesting.

First, the Jews: 69% to Obama, 30% for Romney. Jews make up only 2% of the entire vote.

93% of blacks voted for Obama. Down slightly from 2008. They were 13% of the total vote.

Gays made up 5% of the vote. More than twice as many gays as Jews. And I'm sure there were plenty of gay Jews. Anyway, 76% voted for Obama, 22% for Romney. That surprises me. Nearly one in four gay people went for Romney. That tells me two things: they are not single issue voters, and they realize that even if Obama says he thinks gay marriage should be legal, he hasn't addressed it in his policies for four years. So if neither candidate wants to make gay marriage legal, might as well find another issue to decide on.

Young people (under 30) voted for Obama by a 60 to 37 margin. Unmarried women went to Obama 67 to 31. If we're going to pay for their birth control I at least hope the sluts put out.

38% think Barack Obama is most to blame for the current economy. 53% say George W. Bush is most to blame.

18% of voters say their household contains a union member. And those voters went to Obama by a margin of 58-40. Surprised so many union households went to Romney actually

Here's the scariest number to me. 15% said response to Hurricane Sandy was the most important issue to them. Those voters went for Obama 73 to 26. I think the media, and Chris Christie may have given the President an assist there. While early response seemed to be good, FEMA predictably failed to provide strong assistance as the days wore on.

And the most upsetting number: only 60% of voters have a full-time job. The full-time jobbers were split 49-49. Those part-timers and unemployed went for Obama 53-45, giving some credence to the joke that Obama would be in the lead until Republicans got off of work.

Song of the Week

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The NFL is Poop - Week 9

Don’t Hibernate on the Bears Defense wins championships, especially opportunistic defenses that force turnovers. And that is why the Bears are dangerous. The Bears scored 51 points, the highest total for the franchise since 1980. They forced 5 turnovers. Peanut Tillman forced 4 fumbles, breaking his own record. Before you say that this was just against the Titans please remember the Bears defense has scored 7 touchdowns, this season, and only allowed 17. They are +16 in turnover margin. They are 7-1 and their only loss was a game Jay Cutler threw 4 interceptions. And Peanut Tillman has been doing this for years. He has 36 forced fumbles, 32 interceptions and 7 touchdowns. It’s pretty hard for a defensive back to win Defensive Player of the Year, unless he has a large number of interceptions, but if it could happen, this could be the year, and Peanut Tillman could be that player.

Where Did They Come From?
When last we spoke of the Tampa Bay ExpensiveCornPrices they were rushing their opponents on kneel downs in an effort to prove that their effort was for the full 60 minutes. But now we have a better reason to speak of them. They are an offensive juggernaut. They scored 19 ppg game in their first four, and 36 ppg in their next four. A lot of that is because of Doug Martin from Boise State who is averaging 139 yards per game and 6.5 yards per carry over the past 4 games. That includes his incredible 251 yards, 4 touchdown performance against the Raiders. As you fantasy geeks surely know, it is one of the best fantasy games of all time. Only surpassed 3 times, by players who scored 5 touchdowns, Shaun Alexander, Jerry Rice and Clinton Portis, who put up 54 fantasy points in a game against the Chiefs in 2003.

I Hate New York
Eli Manning has given the Giants two Super Bowls. This season he’s led the Giants to some exciting wins. As recently as two weeks ago the New York Post was wondering if he was the best quarterback in the NFL. But one subpar performance has the Post ripping Eli on the back cover. It’s the reason the Knicks and Mets have been bad for so long. The pressures in New York are unbelievable and there is zero patience, even for a guy who has already won two Super Bowls.

Lucky Again
The New York Giants continue to be on the receiving end of some favorable breaks including a horrible call by the officials that resulted in a Giants touchdown. Ben Roethlisberger’s arm was hit by Osi Umenyiora as he pulled it back to pass. It didn’t dislodge the ball though. His arm moved forward while still maintaining possession of the ball. According to the tuck rule, any forward movement of the arm constitutes an effort to make a forward pass. This call was botched by the officials, and upheld under replay (perhaps they thought the ball had been knocked loose), resulting in a touchdown for the Giants. This didn’t cost the Steelers the game, thankfully, because if it had, this would have been the worst call since the Fail Mary.



Game of the Week
Indianapolis Colts 23 Miami Dolphins 20
Both of these teams are surprisingly frisky this season which made for a very interesting contest. This game may be remembered as Andrew Luck’s coming out party. He threw for 433 yards, a rookie record, set by Cam Newton last year. He led his team on two late drives to take the lead. And he converted on 13 of 19 third downs. But even more memorable than that, was this postgame speech by Chuck Pagano, who we now know is in remission, after undergoing treatments for leukemia.



Game of Next Week
Houston Texans at Chicago Bears
Two 7-1 and teams going at it. This should be a fun game. This could easily be the matchup at the end of this column if the damn Falcons would just lose a game.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
I think the league is starting to figure out RGIII and Kyle Shanahan’s lame offense. Run on first down, run on second down, play-action pass on third down. 25 points in the last 2 games, after scoring more than 20 in every game but one out of the first 7. The Redskins are second in the league in rushing yards. And second worst in passing yards allowed. This is the 21st century, it is a passing league. We have dynamic quarterback and yet we are still trying to play smashmouth football from the 1950s.

Picture of the Week
The NFL honors the military by having fans holds up placards before the Packers-Cardinals game.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 21 Houston Texans 17
The Falcons are not impressive, but they keep winning. Similar story for the Texans but I can't remove either one of them until they lose.

Election Prediction

Electoral College
Barack Obama: 294
Mitt Romney: 244

Popular Vote
Barack Obama: 51.5% (64.8 million)
Mitt Romney: 47%
Gary Johnson: 1.5%

Election will be called at 1:15 AM Wednesday morning.

Weekly Picks

Bounced back a little with an above .500 performance but I still can't buy a best bet. And the past two weeks especially I was choosing between two games and chose the wrong one.

denver -3 1/2 CINCINNATI
I love the way Peyton Manning is playing right now and I hate the Bengals.

ATLANTA -3 1/2 dallas
This is the game this week that I eliminated as my best bet. I think the Cowboys stink, but they're not going to lose every week. I like the Falcons, but they're not going 16-0. And they often win close. That half a point scared me away from making this my best bet.

NEW ORLEANS -3 philadelphia
I think the Saints are bubbling up, even though they lost last week. Drew Brees is starting to play like the Brees of old and Michael Vick just plain stinks. There will be a breaking point when he gets benched for Nick Foles. It could come this week.

minnesota +4 SEATTLE
Wanted to find an underdog this week so I will just pick against Seattle like I always do, to mixed results.

BEST BET
baltimore -4 CLEVELAND
I know there are some suspicions about the Ravens defense because of all the injuries but the Browns are still bad and a 2-game winning streak doesn't seem within their capabilities.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 15-25 (9 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (1-7)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (3-15)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (3-2)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (5-6)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (4-2)

Song of the Week

"Mind Playing Tricks on Me" - Geto Boys
"This year Halloween fell on a weekend, me and Geto Boys are trick or treatin..."

Stormy Weather

The storm of the century wasn't as bad as expected, thankfully. Because even in a diminished capacity Hurricane Sandy was a bitch. Almost the entire coast from North Carolina to New England got demolished, and many areas were completely destroyed, including Seaside Heights. Maybe God really did just catch up on Jersey Shore on his DVR and decided to wipe the place out.
Personally, I'm angry at New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. I think he is an authoritarian dictator who think he knows better how you should live your life. He shut down the NYC mass transit system at 7pm on Sunday, a full 24 hours before the storm was expected to make landfall.
As a result the entire city was shut down all day Monday for no good reason. The New York Stock Exchange could have been open until 1pm. I realize he didn't want people to come to work and get stuck in the city if trains and tunnels and bridges had to be shut down. But his job is not to protect us from ourselves. Not when it comes to hurricanes and not when it comes large-size soft drinks.
If I were a teacher, or a stock broker, I might have enjoyed this government-granted mini-vacation. But the news never rests, so I had to come to work. I was offered a hotel for Sunday night but decided to forgo it and take my chances coming into the city Monday morning. I made a wise decision. Not only was the weather not bad, there were no cars on the road.
Leaving after work would have been possible, but getting back in would not have been, so I was forced to stay at a hotel, the Westin in Times Square. It is directly adjacent to Cheetah's, which was closed. So the strippers get the day off, but I have to work.
I went up to my room, read for a while, watched my guilty pleasure TV show (Dan LeBatard is Highly Questionable) as well as PTI, and then went to the hotel bar for dinner with a couple co-workers.
Now if you run a hotel bar in Times Square it's unlikely the guests often eat there, they'd rather adventure out into the city. But in this case, the hotel bar was the only game in town, so everyone was there. They set up tables outside the restaurant in the lobby. The service was terrible, but it helped kill an hour and a half. At 7:30 I ran across to Duane Reade to get snacks. It was barely drizzling.

I went back to my room to watch the Final Table of the World Series of Poker Main Event, live and unedited on ESPN2. And to eat the Skittles I had just purchase. I really enjoy these rare opportunities I get to watch poker like this and I am beyond furious that because of the power outage which happened at about 7pm, my DVR couldn't record the entire thing while I slept.
Mrs. Poop was watching a movie with the kids at the time and Julian didn't understand why Cars 2 turned off in the middle and his mommy refused to put it back on. Luckily she fed and bathed the monsters earlier, so all she had to do was put them to bed. In the morning she went to work and took the kids to a friend's house where the power was still on.

When I woke up in the morning, it wasn't raining, it wasn't windy. But no one was out. Not a car or a pedestrian in sight as I walked to work through Times Square.

The NFL is Poop - Week 8

The Luckiest Team Ever
The Giants literally won this game by a fingernail. Even after it was handed to them (6 times!), the Giants still almost blew it. Let’s do some quick-hitters on this game:
1) Tony Romo is a more fun Jay Cutler. Enough talent to win some games. But makes so many mistakes he’ll never have sustained post-season success. And it’s even more of a curse because he’s good enough so that the team won’t dump him in search of a better QB.
2) Dallas had 415 passing yards and 19 rushing yards. Three receivers had 100 yards (Witten 167, Austin 133 and Bryant 110).
3) The Giants offense was terrible. They had two decent drives, the field goal to make it 3-0, and the one to make it 26-24. Everything else was set up by a Cowboys turnover.
4) Dez Bryant was out of bounds. It was a fact. His fingertips came down out of bounds. It was the right call, it was clear on video and it had to be made. But if he just could have come down on his ass, instead of bracing himself, the Cowboys would have won.

This Guy is Good
I really wasn’t sure about Peyton Manning entering this season. I wasn’t sure what to expect when the season started off poorly for the Broncos. But now I am sure, Peyton is almost all the way back and the Broncos are pretty good. He surgically dissected the Saints to get to a 4-3 record. As I have mentioned several times, the Broncos record may actually seem worse than it is because their three losses were to very good teams. Looking at their schedule I could easily see them going 7-2 or 6-3 down the stretch which I believe would be good enough to win in a very weak division. Then we get to see what Manning can do in the playoffs.

The Goal Line Extends Around the World
Amazing touchdown by Colts running back Vick Ballard to win the game in overtime. He jumped, hit the pylon with his head and was ruled to have scored. I believe the rule is that the goal line extends around the world. So if you leap from in bounds and break the plane, even outside of the pylon, it's still a touchdown. I haven't seen a good explanation anywhere of why this was a TD, but it was, and it was cool.

Perennial Disappointment
I thought this year would be different. I thought this year, without the burden of expectations the San Diego Chargers would sneak up on people. But that doesn’t seem to be happening. I can give you two good reasons: Philip Rivers and Norv Turner. Rivers is like the aforementioned quarterbacks who are good but not good enough. Turner is just a horrible coach. Two weeks off after a disaster on Monday Night Football and they lay another egg against the worst team in the league. I know the weather was bad which made passing difficult but that’s the problem with the Chargers. There’s always an excuse. Always something goes wrong. They’re like the anti-Giants. I say fire Norv Turner and see what happens.

Another Coach on the Hot Seat
When are the Eagles going to get rid of Andy Reid? The past two years the expectations have been incredibly high, and the Eagles have consistently come up short. Maybe you can add Michael Vick to my list of good but not good enough quarterbacks. The Eagles are 3-4, should be 2-5, and could easily be 0-7. Vick actually avoided turnovers this week, for once, but they Eagles still got blown out. I just can’t see sticking with Andy Reid and expecting him to be the guy to turn this mess around. Don’t get me wrong I always think the impact of coaches (good or bad) can be drastically overrated. But Andy Reid has had enough chances to do something with this team and he hasn’t gotten it done. And it’s not getting better, it’s getting worse.

Game of the Week
Chicago Bears 23 Carolina Panthers 22
Good teams win games like this, bad teams lose games like this. The Bears are quietly emerging as a real Super Bowl contender for those unimpressed by the Falcons. Cutler once again made a number of “boneheaded plays”, according to the radio reporter I heard while driving. He threw an interception and fumbled twice, yet he still won, thanks to his defense – and Cam Newton. The Bears who are always good at forcing turnovers, picked off Newton and returned it for a touchdown to take a 20-19 lead. So who is Newton going to blame this week? The guy has a lot of talent, but his play so far this season has been poor and his behavior has been worse.

Game of Next Week
Pittsburgh Steelers at New York Giants
It's always interesting when these two teams get together because of the Manning-Roethlisberger angle. Both have won two Super Bowls. And the Giants easily could have picked Big Ben had they not been able to work out a trade for Manning. Plus, the Giants lately have a way of making games very exciting. And the way the AFC is the Steelers emerge as a real contender with a win here, or back to .500 with a loss.

Picture of the Week
Pia Toscano sings the National Anthem at the Patriots-Rams game in London.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Mike Shanahan is a moron for sending RGIII out on a passing route where he could get his clock cleaned, which is what happened. DeAngelo Hall is a moron for always putting his own ego ahead of what is best for the team.
RGIII had a bad game, it happens. He completed only 47% of his passes when his previous low had been 62%. He also had his worst game rushing, 6 carries for 8 yards. The Steelers play good defense. The Redskins don't.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 27 Houston Texans 24
Where is the team that can unseat either of these two? I hate seasons like this where this section of the column never changes.

Weekly Picks

I won't ever give up, but man am I frustrated. 10-10 through 4 weeks, not bad, 2-13 since. This is the week I turn it around. But just in case I don't, you might want to bet against these picks.

atlanta +2 1/2 PHILADELPHIA
The Eagles haven't won a game by more than 2 points all season and now they're expected to do it against the best team in the league. The Falcons have a knack for winning games like this. But if Michael Vick can stop turning it over, Eagles will win.

DETROIT -2 1/2 seattle
I really hate the Seahawks and think they are incredibly lucky and overrated and their luck has to run out. Detroit's defense is horrible but they should be able to put up enough points to win this game at home.

NEW YORK JETS -1 miami
A few weeks ago the Jets got blown out by the 49ers and everyone was writing them off. I said of the Jets at that point "it's never as bad as it seems." The Jets are 3-0 ATS since then (Houston, Indianapolis, New England). Unfortunately I picked against them the past two weeks, hoping they would revert. Now I hope they don't.

new york giants -2 1/2 DALLAS
No way the Giants lose twice to the Cowboys this season.

BEST BET
san diego -3 CLEVELAND
I think the Chargers are going to bounce back after one of the worst collapses ever in the second half against the Broncos. But if I were you I would find some place where you could bet on the Chargers winning by exactly 3 points.

Last Week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 12-23 (7 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (1-6)
Home Favorites: 1-3 (2-14)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (3-2)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (4-5)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (3-2)

The Breast Yogurt in New Jersey

A new location for the frozen yogurt chain "Cups" opened in our neighborhood. Mrs. Poop immediately noticed that the name, coupled with the picture of the yogurt in the logo might call to mind breasts.

With the slogan "frozen yogurt, that's hot" and this picture accompanying the employment section of its website, I think there is no mistaking which cups they're really talking about it.

Song of the Week

"That's the Way Love Goes" - Janet Jackson
One of the smoothest, sexiest R&B of the 90s. Janet Jackson at the absolute peak of her powers. And there's a pretty hot backup dancer too, at about 1:58 of this video. Hint: It's Jennifer Lopez.

1 Swing, 3 Hits

A freak play helped the Giants beat the Cardinals in Game 7 of the NLCS. 2-0, bottom of the third, bases loaded, none out and Hunter Pence up. He swings, breaks his bat, but the ball hits the broken bat not once, but three times.



Shortstop Pete Kozma breaks to his right think Pence will pull the ball into the hall. But on third contact the ball actually goes up the middle, but Kozma can't recover. It goes for a 3-run double and the Giants take a 5-0 lead.

That's why you watch baseball, you can always see something you've never seen before.