Baseball is Poop

Celebrate, Good Times, Come On!
The celebrations of walk-off victories across baseball have become increasingly elaborate (and messy!)
But the Texas Rangers went way too far in welcoming Josh Hamilton back to the team and celebrating his walk-off double.



The reporter they soaked is named Emily Jones. I don't care if they love her or hate her, she's not on the team and she didn't sign up for that. It was really low class, and it was clear one bucket, the red one, was specifically destinted for her.

It called to mind a famous incident from when the Mets won the National League East in 2006. Several Mets gathered around Julie Donaldson and soaked her with beer and or champagne. It's an unfortunate analogy but it sadly reminded me of a bukkake video. A helpless woman surrounded by men pouring liquid on her face while she tries to pretend she likes it.

The Washington Nationals have taken to pouring chocolate syrup on each other. I hope no innocent reporter gets caught in the cross-fire of that one.

The Mets Are Forward Thinking For Once
I have killed the Mets over the years for refusing to embrace modern thinking in baseball and sticking to the way things have always been done, because that's the way they've always been done.
So I am pleased the Mets are at least trying something different, especially when it comes in an area as old-fashioned, deep-seeded and controversial as protecting young pitchers. The "Nolan Ryan's arm never hurt!" camp must be spinning in their graves over this, but the fact is, young pitchers are less likely to get injured if they have lighter workloads, and especially if their innings pitched totals escalate gradually instead of in big jumps.
It also goes to show the Mets understand that this year the team isn't necessarily ready to compete so they are willing to do things that may cost wins (at least theoretically) to increase the chances of being good next season and down the line.
With three young pitchers as good as Harvey, deGrom and Syndergaard, injury seems to be the only thing that can keep them from reaching their potential.

But Dillon Gee is not a good pitcher and really not good enough to do this experiment for. They had better skip his turn any time they have an off day. Also, if any contending team is willing to offer anything decent for Niese or Colon, the Mets should absolutely take it.

Pure Joy
Pirates outfielder Andrew McCutchen spotted two Pirates fans along the wall in San Diego so he gave the kids his batting gloves.
Don't you wish you could do something for someone, or have someone do for you, something that would make you as happy as these kids are?



Rewrite the Future Night
Obviously, Miami can't beat the Cubs in the 2015 World Series as predicted in Back to the Future II. But they did play each other this season, in what the Marlins billed as "Rewrite History Night" in which they gave out t-shirts and had pictures of Billy the Marlin riding a hoverboard.

Song of the Week

"Options" [corrected] - Luke James

Funny or Douchey?

I hate bananas. Just the sight of them makes me sick. But I actually like what TON has done here, making a regular disgusting, mushy, foul-smelling banana, seem like a cool bro.

Song of the Week

"Stay - Soul Lifted" - Liv Warfield
Another great neo-soul chanteuse with a smooth jam to relax to.
"I keep a clean house baby, so we can mess it up all night long, if you want to."

First Responder

Chase is marching/riding in the town's Memorial Day parade so I always walk ahead and wait at the end (a park) for him. 

I was sitting on a bench in the park minding my own business (playing candy crush on my phone) and I heard an unusual noise.

I look up and an elderly woman (70s for sure quite possibly older) is trying to catch up as her car rolls away. 

I jump up and think I'm going to have to jump in and hit the brake before it starts mowing people down. 

Eventually the woman falls down but thankfully the car hit a fence which was enough to stop it. 

I turned my attention to the driver. She told me she thought it was in park while she went to get something out of the trunk. 

When it started to roll she tried to get back in but it ran over her foot. 

A minute later the EMS and police arrived and took the woman to Mrs. Poop's hospital. 

Minor damage to the car, likely minor damage to her foot and a good test for my reflexes. Though it would have been kind of cool if I'd actually needed to hop in and apply the brake. 

Oh well. Maybe next year. 

Mrs. Poop's Pussy -- Tonsils

Mrs. Poop had strep throat. Her throat was so sore and irritated, she wanted me to take a picture so she could she what her tonsils and uvula looked like. As you can see, lots of pus on her tonsils, pussy tonsils.
Thanks to modern photography, I got this crystal clear picture.

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

It's not often that we include simple bruises in our ongoing collection of gruesome sports injuries -- but it's not every day we saw a bruise such as the one JJ Watt had on his upper leg, which he says he suffered during a game last September against the Bills.

Stick To Your Guns

Ten years ago, I attended the game when Syracuse retired the #44 and I wrote about it one of my first posts on this blog.
At the time I expressed disappointment with the decision, because there really wasn't a need to do so. It's not like past #44 wearers were disrespected by it, they're honored everywhere all the time at the school.
And SU forfeited the ability to use the number as a tool in recruiting.
Now SU has reversed course, and decided to unretire the number.
I disagree with it again. If you're going to do it, even if the decision maker is no longer around, I think you just need to stick with it.
Now the University looks even worse, and perhaps it can be interpreted as a gentle insult to those they were supposedly honoring.
Generally I try not to worry about how things look to the idiotic public, but seeing as how this is a total PR move, public reaction has to be considered, and I think reversing course on this is quite embarrassing.
To make matters worse, after receiving negative press for reversing course tried to make it seem like they weren't reversing course.

Senior Vice President for Public Affairs Kevin Quinn told syracuse.com's Chris Carlson that the No. 44 will continue to be worn in a "special circumstance," and that it would take "someone extraordinary given the honor it would be to wear 44."
"Yesterday's announcement was simply a reiteration of that commitment and another opportunity to celebrate the great accomplishments of those who have worn the number with Syracuse pride and honor," Quinn wrote. "The retired #44 jersey will continue in its place of honor at Dome — as a symbol of past glories and future successes."

This adds to the embarrassment of the serious NCAA sanctions, and the ridiculous misspelling of the last name of Roosevelt Bouie on the jersey given to him at a ceremony honoring him

and wide receiver Steve Ishmael also taking the field with a misspelled jersey.

Note: I can't believe I didn't post about this misspelled jerseys when they happened considering my love for such goofs.

I'm Gonna Be a Hot Commodity at the Pool This Summer

According to the internet, something called "dad bod" is the newest trend this season. If true, Mrs. Poop is going to have to spend her summer fighting off the lifeguards from trying to take her man.

"What do Simon Cowell, Jason Segel and Leonardo DiCaprio all have in common (apart from global fame and fortune)? They all boast a 'Dad Bod'.
A what-bod, you cry? Well, allow us to explain: the Dad Bod is the latest trend for the male physique.
Where once women craved six-packs that could grate cheese and biceps the size of tree trunks, now a cuddly torso and gentle paunch is all that's required, according to a blog post written by US student Mackenzie Pearson that has since gone viral.
In her post, Mackenzie describes the Dad Bod as "a nice balance between a beer gut and working out". She continues: "The dad bod says, 'I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.' It's not an overweight guy, but it isn't one with washboard abs, either."
Mackenzie argues that the physique is a hit with women because it is non-threatening, comfortable to cuddle up to and honest in the sense that it probably won't undergo any drastic transformation within the next 20 years (note: you don't have to be a father to have a Dad Bod; in fact it is perfectly acceptable to have one when you're still in your twenties). "While we all love a sculpted guy, there is just something about the dad bod that makes boys seem more human, natural, and attractive," she states.
The concept was an immediate hit with nicely squishy men everywhere, who took to Instagram without delay to show off their less-than-toned torsos and chunky arms. The account "Collegedadbods" has been quietly gaining momentum since the beginning of this year and has now become a fully-fledged homage to regular guys in all their glory."

Song of the Week

"Your Wildest Dreams" - The Moody Blues
My main reason for liking soul music and not really caring for the world of rock and pop is because those artists don't have anything to say. The songs are often a loosely connected string of words. But this song has hurt, and you can feel the singer's pain, lamenting over a love he lost, and wondering if she ever thinks about him. Once upon a time. In her wiiiiiiiildest dreams.

There's No Such Thing as Safe Sex

This is so well-written, I took it right from the NY Post:

When your parents told you about the birds and the bees, we bet they didn’t tell you that a penis up your poop chute could get you preggers.
Well, luckily, that’s because about 999,999 times in a million, it can’t. When Brian Steixner, M.D., a urologist with the Jersey Urology Group in Atlantic City, was in med school, though, he witnessed the “lucky” one in a million.
One night, a young, pregnant woman came into the emergency department complaining of spotting. While it’s relatively common for women to have light spotting during pregnancy, the blood was coming from her rectum. That — not so common.
The woman was born with what’s called a cloacal malformation. Meaning: When she was born, she didn’t have a urethra, vagina and anus. She just had one hole, called a cloaca. (FYI, birds have them.) The condition is incredibly rare, occurring in about one in 25,000 female live births, says Steixner (and it only occurs in girls — lucky us). While no one knows what causes it, it’s usually diagnosed at birth and repaired right away so that the baby has a separate urethra, vagina and rectum.
That’s what happened in this woman’s case. However, something went wrong. Either the surgery was botched or in response to the trauma of surgery, her body formed a fistula (an abnormal connection between organs), and her uterus fused to her rectum. So every month when Aunt Flo came to town, she had her period rectally. Meanwhile, her vagina was a dead end leading nowhere.
Crazy, right? During Steixner’s conversation with the woman, he says she mentioned that she exclusively had anal sex prior to getting pregnant. Well then, that would explain it: She got pregnant through anal sex. “It blew my mind,” he says. A few months later, she had a C-section (the doctors didn’t think she should attempt to “poop” out the baby), and the child was healthy, he says.
Steixner says he doesn’t know what happened to the woman after she had the baby. And while the case of a woman getting pregnant through anal sex due to a cloacal malformation is incredibly rare, being born with a cloaca can be incredibly difficult, even if it is repaired at birth.
“Building the walls to separate the three passages [the urethra, vagina and rectum] is delicate work,” he says. “The longer the walls need to be built, the closer surgeons get to the urethral and anal sphincters. Some women suffer from leakage of urine and stool their entire lives. It’s a huge psychological and quality-of-life issue.”
However, since you’re probably wondering, even if the urethra and anus don’t work 100 percent perfectly after cloacal repairs, everything — vagina included — does look pretty “normal.” Of course, no two vaginas look the same (true story!), but chances are, no guy would ever be down there, pause and ask, “What happened here?”

"I Googled Her"

Rickie Fowler's big win over the weekend was surely a nice boost to his career, but was even better for his girlfriend Alexis Randock.



After that clip of them making out on the 18th green went around the internet Google searches for her exploded. Including one from Michael Wilbon who said that after seeing her, no one can criticize Fowler ever again.

Because I know Googling someone is difficult, I did the work for you. Oh, and did I mention she is a bikini model?

Song of the Week

"Melancholy Hill" - Gorillaz
I don't really get or like their whole virtual band gimmick, but I do like this song enough.

A Brand New -- Treadmill!

Not every "The Price is Right" contestant can win a brand new car, some players have to settle for a hot tub and a treadmill.
Which is what Danielle Perez got. Only problem, -- she's in a wheelchair.


I get that it's not really their fault, they have to have the prizes set up before it is decided who will be playing for them.
Also, I don't believe you actually have to take the prize you win, you can exchange it for a prize of an equal value, or some sum of cash.
But the optics of it look pretty bad, a lady in a wheelchair trying to get excited about a treadmill she can never use.

On a happier note, another recent "The Price is Right" blooper, when model Manuela Arbalaez accidentally gave away a car:



But she's smoking hot so she got away with it.

Song of the Week

"Amenamy" - Purity Ring

The World is Full of Morons

The New York Times used the following headline for Bridgegate:

Christie Ally to Plead Guilty in New Jersey Bridge Closings

One clever twitter users changed that to Kirstie Alley (and photoshopped her picture into an NYT screen grab) and a bunch of less clever Twitter users believed the actress was involved, or maybe they were just playing along.

Song of the Week

"Shut Up and Dance" - Walk the Moon

Let's Go Mets

Finally our years of patience are paying off and the Mets are playing great.
They have an 11-game winning streak after a 2-3 start (exactly the same as the 1986 Mets) and I am loving it.
The year I turned 8 the Mets won the World Series. This is the year Chase turns 8 and he's starting to get into the Mets as well.
Obviously they are playing great, getting great pitching, timely hits and teams are not making them pay for their mistakes.

Here are some reasons to be hopeful:
1) They're due. Bad luck in close games has plagued them for years and now it could be reversing itself.
2) They're doing it without being at full strength. Wright, D'Arnaud and Wheeler are all hurt. And Mejia is suspended, though we can't be sure he'll be any good if he comes back and isn't on the juice.
3) Help is still on the way. Steve Matz, Noah Syndergaard and Rafael Montero could all be in the starting rotation by next year and Dilson Herrera, Brandon Nimmo and Michael Conforto give the Mets some good hitting prospects as well.

But there are also reasons to worry:

1) The current lineup is old, 5 regulars are 29 or older (Murphy, Duda, Wright, Cuddyer and Granderson). The starting rotation is built for long-term success, 6 - 8 years. The lineup doesn't match in youthfulness and lots of reinforcements will need to come, and develop in order for the team to have the success I desire.

2) We're stuck with Terry Collins. He's a bad manager and at some point if the Mets make the playoffs he will blow a series. But we're not getting rid of him now.
3) The fear of the trade deadline deal. It would be an absolute disaster if the Mets make a panic move in July to improve this team that trades a player like Matz or Syndergaard and brings in an older player with a limited window. The Mets must resist the talk-radio temptation to sacrifice the future to play for this year.

This is still a work in progress, but as we can all see, it's nearly finished.

Song of the Week

"Not for Long" - B.o.B. featuring Trey Songz

Bat This Around

When the Mets scored 7 runs in the 4th inning on Sunday, 12 men came to bat. This gave me a great opportunity to explain to Chase what batting around meant.
I described it as when all 9 men bat in the same inning.
Unbeknownst to me, a debate was raging in baseball circles over whether batting around meant all 9 men, or 10 (a more literal interpretation).
I think it's 9 because batting "around" means getting it back to the first hitter, though not necessarily in that inning.
The biggest thing I learned in my research on this topic, is that there is no consensus and no right answer.

Somebody Get Her a Fendi Bag

I have been in love with Britt McHenry for a long time, ever since the first time I saw her covering the Redskins.
If Erin Andrews can get a huge mainstream career off being press-box hot, what could McHenry do with much better looks, much better reporting, and a better personality?
Andrews is so wooden and cheesy, McHenry can actually have a real chat, without a script and be funny and charming. When her and Lindsay Czarniak get together it's totes adorbs dorbs.
But any chance McHenry had of someday hosting Dancing with the Stars or filling in for Kelly Ripa probably went out the window when she was caught on camera berating a tow company employee.



It seems like Britt was eating at a Chinese restaurant and her car was towed.
Anyone would be upset in that circumstance. Many of us have been victims of overzealous towing. A huge fight broke out between IHOP and McDonald's in Fair Lawn over this. We also don't know if the woman was rude to her first or what else might have been said.
Obviously, she should not have acted this way. It's not acceptable to treat people like this, under any circumstances. But there are a lot of mitigating factors here that make it less bad, in my opinion. I don't think a suspension was necessary, as this had nothing to do with her employer, except for maybe some minor embarrassment.
While doing research for this post (google image search), I notice a lot of glam pictures of here, which kind of makes me believe she is one of these women who just wants the attention, the dresses, the hair, the accolades, she doesn't care about sports or the news or anything more than being famous. I have met a lot of women, and some men, like this in my time.
And of course, because she is so gorgeous, she probably gets everything she wants all the time so she never learned how to react in adverse situations with combative people, because she's never been in them before.

By the way, the headline is a reference to the LL Cool J song "Around the Way Girl" when he says a "Fendi bag and a bad attitude" puts him in a good mood. Since she puts me in a good mood, and she has a bad attitude, Britt is just a Fendi bag away from perfection.

3000 Words - ECB Protester Edition

A protester jumps on a table, interrupts ECB President Mario Draghi,

showers him with confetti,

while wearing a shirt that says "end the ECB DICK-tatorship."

Song of the Week

"Sandwich and a Soda" - Tamia
Now we know how she keeps Grant Hill satisfied. But I doubt he drives a Chevy Nova.
Great use of a sample from Little Anthony and the Imperials "Shimmy Ko Ko Bop."

Free-Range Parenting

A couple in Maryland, Sasha and Daniel Meitiv, are under investigation for possible child neglect for allowing their children to walk around their neighborhood alone.
The kids are 10 and 6 years old and were allowed to go to the park at 4pm and told to return at 6.
At some point during that window of time, a man walking his dog called police non-emergency because he was concerned about their well-being.
A police officer showed up and turned the kids over to Children's Protective Services.
That to me is bad enough, an alarmist douche calls the cops because kids are walking alone. It's not like they were toddlers, the older one is 10, certainly old enough to be responsible for himself and his sibling.
The only mitigating factor here is that apparently these kids are frequently walking alone in this neighborhood.
We also have a douche cop who showed up and couldn't determine that the kids were completely safe.
But the absolute worst part of this is that the authorities, police and CPS, kept the kids for more than four hours.
They didn't even try to contact the parents until 8pm. Two hours after the kids were expected home. And they didn't return the kids to their parents until 10:30 pm.
Too bad common sense didn't enter into the decision-making at any time or else the police could have taken the kids home, discussed it with the parents and avoid all this ugliness.
As someone who has been criticized for being a little too lax with the freedoms I give to Chase I side with the parents here.
If they feel the kids are responsible enough, and the neighborhood is safe enough, then they should allow the kids to walk to and from the playground.
Certainly I don't know if there are any other reasons to perceive these parents as neglecting their children, but judging from what we know, the neighbors should butt out and the cops and CPS should use their fuckin brains.

She Gave Wu Some Tang

On Divorce Court, a man accuses his wife of sleeping with the entire Wu-Tang Clan.



I'm sorry but I can't believe this woman. At the very least she performed oral sex on two group members and three security guys.

And a Child Shall Beat Them

Congratulations to Natalie for continuing a family tradition of great runs in Tournament Challenge.
Thanks to being the only Poophead to pick Duke to win it all she scored 1150 points, good enough for a finish just outside the top 10% nationally.
Unfortunately her triumph came at the expense of her older brother who for the second time experienced heartache on championship night.
Back in 2008, he wept when Memphis loss. But this year Evan took Wisconsin's defeat in stride.
The mother of these ace prognosticators finished third, proving the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I'm very proud of my boys who finished 4th and 5th and even picked their own brackets. I only changed one of Chase's picks, NC State to make the Final Four. I was holding my breath and actually rooting against them so I wouldn't have to tell him.
JuJu almost rode Wisconsin to a second place finish.
And even though I finished down the list, I was in great position to win my first title but Gonzaga and then Kentucky let me down.
And special mention for Damino, who didn't have enough faith in his own team to pick them. Had he done so, he would have been the runaway winner.

2014: Billy
2013: TON
2012: Reissberg
2011: Mrs. Poop
2010: Vacated (I forgot to keep accurate records)
2009: Mrs. Poop
2008: Pa Beers
2007: Michael

Song of the Week

"Chattahoochee" - Alan Jackson
"It gets hotter than a hoochie coochie."
One of the best things we discovered when we went away to college was there was a whole other class of music out there called "country" that we were never exposed to on Staten Island. This is one of the best of those songs.

I Still Hate the Dookies

Congratulations to Damino who vanquished his brother and took down Duke's 5th national title.
It was a great game and I really thought Wisconsin was going to win it until Grayson Allen took over.
With 13 minutes left Wisconsin took a 9 point lead.
Then Allen made a 3, a steal, got fouled while hustling for a loose ball and on that possession made a layup, got fouled and hit the free throw.

From 9 to 3 on the deficit in just about a minute based solely on the effort and execution of one player.

I don't believe much in momentum, but I do believe that the strategy of games change drastically based on lead size. Once Duke cut the lead so much so quickly, they never had to enter a desperation mode.

After that Kaminsky went cold, Tyus Jones went off and Duke won.

And Grayson Allen established himself and the next great white hated from Duke.

In 20 years he may have his own documentary.

The Curse Claims Another Victim

Just a few days after Misao Okawa died, Gertrude Weaver of Arkansas was named the world's oldest person.
Five days later, she died.

The world's oldest person curse claims another victim. Every time someone receives the title they die soon after.

Jeralean Talley, watch your back.

Brother vs. Brother

"The one thing that I do think about is after the game. There is going to be one winner and there is going to be one that is going to be totally disappointed. My thoughts go to that one that will not experience the thrill of victory." - Mama Damino

One brother will rejoice, one brother will revile.

In case you don't know, Damino went to law school at Duke, and Big Kev attended Wisconsin. And BK is actually in the Annapolis -- I mean, Indianapolis -- for the game.

I really don't know who is going to win, but I would have to favor Duke slightly. Watching them I've been incredibly impressed with their depth of talent and their ability to fast break without making mistakes.

Obviously Wisconsin slew the giant but that doesn't make them the presumptive champion. Sometimes teams that pull off that big victory have blown their proverbial load by the time they get to the title game.

It should be a great game and I look forward to watching it and may the best Damino win.

By the way, that quote at the top was actually said by Jack Harbaugh before his sons, John and Jim, coached against each other in the Super Bowl. But this is pretty much the same thing.

How They Did It

Due to Passover I didn't have the chance to watch the games on Saturday night as I would have liked. But I did notice three things that helped Wisconsin pull off the shocking upset:

1) That horrible uncalled shot clock violation. I know there were other calls that went against Wisconsin, but not as obvious nor as pivotal as this. The punch to Gasser's face wasn't a missed call. It was a judgment call. They reviewed and judged it to be incidental contact, not a malicious act. I agreed with that decision when I saw it. But the shot clock violation I saw blatantly and couldn't believe they missed it. And it did really change the tenor of the game.

2) Speaking of shot clock violations. Kentucky basically had 3 of them in the final five minutes. Just horrible. And when they did try to score they just handed it to a Harrison brother and let him recklessly drive the lane. Terrible endgame strategy from a team that has so many good options.

3) Wisconsin made the plays. Sam Dekker won the game with his step-back 3-pointer. All the other stuff wouldn't have mattered had Wisconsin not made they plays to win. And for that they deserve immense credit.

2015 Baseball Season Predictions

NL East: Washington Nationals
NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals
NL West: Los Angeles Dodgers
NL Wild Card: San Francisco Giants over Atlanta Braves

NLCS: Washington Nationals over Los Angeles Dodgers

AL East: Toronto Blue Jays
AL Central: Cleveland Indians
AL West: Anaheim Angels
AL Wild Card: Chicago White Sox over Seattle Mariners

ALCS: Anaheim Angels over Chicago White Sox

World Series: Anaheim Angels over Washington Nationals

NL MVP: Bryce Harper
AL MVP: Mike Trout
NL Cy Young: Clayton Kershaw
AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez
NL Rookie of the Year: Kris Bryant
AL Rookie of the Year: Carlos Correa
NL Manager of the Year: Matt Williams
AL Manager of the Year: Robin Ventura
NL Comeback Player of the Year: Matt Harvey
AL Comeback Player of the Year: Shin-Soo Choo

He Looks Tougher

Boston Celtics center Kelly Olynyk played 22 minutes in a game against the Pacers with a hideous black eye caused by an elbow from teammate Shavlik Randolph. And he scored 19 points on 7 of 10 shooting.

Story suggested by Razor

Song of the Week

"Somebody" - Natalie La Rose featuring Jeremih
This is Mrs. Poop's Shazam jam. She figured out how to e-mail songs from Shazam and this is the first one she sent me.
It also has a nice sample from the late great Whitney Houston.
And I love big hoop earrings!

Tournament Thoughts: Elite Eight Sunday

His first name is really Lourawls? And he's a Junior? You'll never find -- a name as dumb as that.

The refs missed one when a Louisville player had his hand literally up through the next and hoop, but they didn't call anything.

Both sides victimized by poor free shooting down the stretch of regulation.

Huge mistake on that lane violation, giving Michigan State an extra point. It was absolutely the correct call though.

Terry Rozier following in the great tradition of volume shooters on Louisville. When they're hitting they win games for you, when they're not, they kill you. Somewhere Russ Smith is smiling.

Late-game strategy question: Dawson gets the rebound with 32 seconds left in overtime and a 2-point lead. I think he should have come down with it and forced Louisville to foul. If he misses Louisville gets a great chance to win or tie. Yes, he made it, but that doesn't necessarily make it the most winning long-term strategy.

Terrible possession by Louisville, waste 20 seconds and then throw it away without getting a shot. They would have been better off driving into someone and hoping to get a foul called.

Damn, I wish I had picked Michigan State for the Final Four. I seriously debated it, but chose Northern Iowa instead.

Seventh Final Four since 1999 for Michigan State. If it were Duke or Kentucky it would be impressive but at Michigan State it's amazing.

Two terrible late fouls by Sabonis in the first half. We always talk about that, how those fouls that put you in foul trouble come on the offensive end. And they interrupted a great Gonzaga comeback, aided by some brutal shooting from Duke.

If there's a loose ball and all ten players are equidistant from it, I like Pangos's chances to come away with it.

Adam Morrison in the crowd!

Jim Nantz loves the Bushes.

Not impressed with Wiltjer at all. He's no better than the third best player on the team. And he seems to shy away from contact. He missed a huge layup that would have tied the game at 53, and I think it was because he was worried about Okafor coming over.

Gonzaga completely choked down the stretch of this game, blew every opportunity.

This is what happens when you have a team full of great players. Great game by Matt Jones. Much needed lift.

For all the upsets early, three #1 seeds made the Final Four.

Congrats to the Daminos, Damino and BigKev, maybe their teams will face each other in the final game and the brothers will fight and beat the crap out of each other.

Tournament Thoughts: Elite 8 Saturday

What an amazing game. By far the best game of the tournament so far.

I kind of felt bad rooting for Goliath there but I want to see history. I like watching this team play.

Aaron Harrison, ONIONS!!!!!! I told everyone who would listen that Kentucky would win this tournament and one of the first things I mentioned was Aaron Harrison who has shown himself to be a player who can hit big shots.

Jerian Grant has ONIONS!!!! too.

What a great game by Zach Auguste. He went against one of the best front line in college basketball history and had a huge game. He just couldn't guard Karl-Anthony Towns.

Calipari was completely outcoached by Mike Brey -- and me. If you read my blueprint for beating Kentucky the executed it, fewer 3-pointers, more drives. Too often Kentucky had their great interior defenders stuck outside 1-on-1 isolated against quicker guards. Willie Cauley-Stein cqn't guard Pat Connaughton. And they got of position so much, giving Auguste room for offensive rebounds.

My only regret with this game is that it basically ended on my pet peeve of basically plays. Andrew Harrison took the ball, drove hard, ran into someone and got fouled.

The worst thing an announcer can do is put fake words in players' mouth. The infamous example involves Isiah Thomas saying something about Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen and Batman and Robin.

Lots of Polish surnames in this tournament. Kaminsky, Tarczewski, Karnowski, Bachynski.

I wonder what Billy thinks of Rondae Hollis-Jefferson's free throw routine. We all know Billy is a stickler for fundamentals, but he also loves to shimmy. He must be very conflicted.



There is only one thing to say about this game: Wisconsin had one of the best shooting games in the history of shooting, especially the second half. I don't even think Arizona's defense was bad, the Badgers just made everything.

Arizona actually played really well. They made 28 of 30 (93%) free throws which is amazing, and they made 56% of their shots from the field, turned it over only 10 times, and never really had a chance.

55 points in the second half on 10 of 12 from 3-point range.

Sam Dekker made 5 of 6 and scored 27 points.

If they can repeat that performance in the next round they might stay within 20 points of Kentucky.

Well we got the game we wanted. It is going to be huge. I think Wisconsin can see a little bit of what Notre Dame did and execute it with their players and we might have a game on our hands.

But again, this is the thing I love about this Kentucky team. They don't just blow people out and choke when it's close. When it's close they execute on offense, they clamp down on defense and they win games. Other great teams that didn't go undefeated were equally as dominant but just didn't close out one or two close games the way Kentucky does.

Notre Dame's Only Hope

Desperate times call for desperate measures and even before the game tips off Notre Dame is in desperation mode.
When you're playing any opponent, the best strategy is to neutralize their strength. Kentucky's biggest strength: interior defense.
How do you neutralize that? You don't go inside. And Notre Dame is equipped to do that because they have so many good 3-point shooters.
Pat Connaughton (43%), Demitius Jackson (43%), VJ Beachem (42%), Steve Vasturia (41%) and Jerian Grant (32%) can all makes shots from outside.
So I would put Zach Auguste and the middle and station 4 other players around the arc and bomb nothing but 3-pointers. Try to get hot early, try to get some long offense rebounds, try to get Towns, Cauley-Stein and Lyles out of their comfort zone. It might sound crazy but I think it's their best chance to win.

Tournament Thoughts: Sweet 16 Friday

Every time I've seen them play I've really liked Gonzaga.

I love everything about Pangos except for his hair.

Przemek Karnowski is the Polish Jake Voskuhl. With the conditioning of Matt Stainbrook.

Love Donatos Sabonis. He looks like he could be a star. A shame we'll never know what his father could have been if he had been allowed to play in the NBA in his prime.

How many times do you think he's heard the Not Your-Vidas, Not My-Vidas, he's Ar-Vidas?

After Louisville kicked Chris Jones off the team he is accused of raping one girl, in the ass, and with two other guys, forcing a second girl into unwanted oral and vaginal sex. Nice guy.

Valiant effort by NC State they just couldn't make the plays at the end.

Last time I ever listen to Mike Francesa. I thought Louisville wasn't very good and when he said he thought they would go out early, he just sounded so sure. So I picked them to lose in the first round. You see how well that worked out.

I normally don't buy that crap that teams have to adjust to shooting in domes and big stadia, because I have a lifetime of evidence of Syracuse home games to disprove that, but Duke and Utah certainly took long enough to make a field goal.

We've mentioned this before this tournament but you can definitely see that Duke has more athleticism this year than they have had in the recent past. I'd even put this team above the 2010 title team in terms of ability to run the floor.

I'm a little concerned about Okafor's defense on the NBA level. I saw a couple times Utah's big guys put the moves on him.

Delon Wright did not live up to his billing this game.

I hate these arena setups where the floor is elevated and you have to step down to get o the bench. I realize it's necessary in these huge arenas, but it's still silly.

Michigan State was 3 of 10 from the line, but Valentine and Trice nailed 4 down the stretch when they needed to.

Love Tom Izzo. The guy just wins in the tournament. But this does not mean they were underseeded. Michigan State lost 10 games this season, including 0-6 against top 40 teams until the Big Ten tournament, when they beat Maryland. They were 23 in the RPI which favors them for playing such a tough schedule. So 6 or 7 was a fair seeding, 5 or 8 would be a stretch. You can seed a team based on how awesome their coach is in the tournament.

Although this bracket didn't turn out as we planned, a Louisville-Michigan State matchup is pretty interesting.

And even though tonight's games weren't that great, I think we have 2 great matchups to look forward to on Sunday.

Nicest Thing Ever

Even Damino will have to leave a nice comment on this post.
In his will Dean Smith left $200 to every varsity letterman, whom he coached, 180 in all. The executor of Coach Smith's will sent a check and a letter explaining the Coach's wishes.
The one below was sent to one of Billy's all-time favorite Tar Heels, Dante Calabria.

The letter reads, in part:

"Each player was important and special to Coach Smith and when he prepared his estate plan, Coach wanted to reach out to each of his lettermen. Accordingly, Coach directed that following his passing each letterman be sent a two hundred dollar ($200.00) check with the message "enjoy a dinner out compliments of Coach Dean Smith." Enclosed is a check in the amount of two hundred dollars ($200.00) with the notation "Dinner out".

180 lettermen, $200 each, equals $36,000. Pretty generous and very classy of the Coach who must have planned this long ago because his health and mental acuity declined rapidly in his final years.

I hope the UNC players receiving this benefit will follow the lead of the coach and do something better with the money than enjoy a dinner out. Maybe Michael Jordan could invite all the players to a dinner to remember their coach and donate $36,000 to charity in his name.

Tournament Thoughts - Sweet 16 Thursday

For all the talk about how bad the play in college basketball has become, Wichita State and Notre Dame play a good game with passing and shooting.

Fred Vanvleet is a fun player with a fun name. Though if he were my friend I would call him Derf.

Zach Auguste got himself a fresh new haircut during the days off.

I am totally against the kill the ball with a lead strategy (I called it the Jim Boeheim Memorial No Points Offense because it kills him all the time) but with a 14 point lead and 3 minutes to go, it seems the prudent approach.

Tokoto sounds like an Indian tribe.

I know I said this last year but Traevon Jackson is the son of Jimmy Jackson and looks just like him.

Wisconsin won this game during that brief stretch when they were down 7, then came back with 6 quick. Not allowing the game to get out of hand makes a huge strategical difference in how the game is played.

Great try by Marcus Paige. Almost single-handedly kept them in the game late.

That noise you hear is a bunch of Daminos cheering. Not only are Damino's and Big Kev's alma maters still in it, North Carolina is not.

Also, I really didn't think Big Kev was old enough to go to college yet.

I love L.A. Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn in the crowd rooting on Wisconsin.

Fresh pair of kicks worn by an unnamed North Carolina player. They're brand Jordan so it isn't a big surprise but the Ram on the side is pretty cool.

Kentucky vs. West Virginia is one of the biggest dominations in the history of the tournament. You expect to see a 16 seed get beaten like this in the first round. Not a 5 seed from a major conference in the Sweet 16.

West Virginia scored 18 points in the first half, and 1 for the first 8 minutes of the second.

Just an absolute slaughter.

Billy wants to add Billy Dee Williams to his all-name team.

I make fun of Matt Stainbrook's appearance, but he actually is a pretty good player. But I think his lack of conditioning slows Xavier down at times.

He also did the funniest flop when he got whacked in the face.

Good game between Arizona and Xavier, Arizona just made a couple more plays down the stretch.

I hate to see plays like the one that really ended this game, Davis drives into the lane with no intention to do anything other than draw a foul. He just tried to run into Hollis-Jefferson and hope for the best, when he backed off Davis was in no position to even put up a shot. Draw a play, run something, set some screens, don't count on the refs to bail you out.

Some good games tonight, nothing spectacular and all four favorites (by seeding not spread) won their games. We may see some more upheaval tomorrow night. I hope so because I have Michigan State beating Oklahoma.

I'd Hate to Be the Person Who Made This Mistake

I often criticize the Associated Press for occasional dumb shit, but for the most part they do an incredibly hard job, very well.
Not this time.
Here is the write through for the arrest of Robert Durst:

NEW ORLEANS (AP) – A Louisiana State Police trooper says millionaire Robert Durst has been booked on weapons charges in that state – on top of a first-degree murder charge lodged by Los Angeles authorities. Trooper Melissa Matey told the Associated Press that an arrest warrant was issued for the former Limp Bizkit frontman and he was rebooked in the Orleans Parish Jail on Monday under two new charges.

Here is the subsequent correction:

In the second item of the California 10th NewsMinute sent March 16 to users of the state broadcast wire, The Associated Press reported erroneously that Robert Durst is a member of a band. He is a real estate heir; Fred Durst is the former frontman of Limp Bizkit.

Farewell to the GOAT of Crooked Fingers

Philadelphia Eagles legend Chuck Bednarik died this week at the age of 89.
He is known for three things:
1) he was the last player to play both offense and defense regularly in the NFL
2) he knocked out Frank Gifford, causing Gifford to miss a year and a half, and then stood over his stiff body

3) he was generally a tough son of a bitch. He is Godfather of the mangled finger. Anthony Munoz, Charles Mann, Alan Page and our own beloved Billy have Bednarik to thank for the glory he brought to hideously unaligned fingers.

Song of the Week

"Grazing in the Grass" - Friends of Distinction
Mrs. Poop was incredulous that there was a song about grazing in the grass but it's true and there's good reason for it. The song was first an instrumental by Jazz great Hugh Masekela (who also plays the flugelhorn, making him a flugelhornist according to his Wikipedia), and the father of Sal Masekela whom you may have seen on ESPN over the years, and whose Wikipedia says he lived in Staten Island for part of his youth.
But back to the song, a year after Masekela released it, the Friends of Distinction got a hold of it added some lyrics, trying to keep with the theme, similar to what the Sugar Hill Gang did with "Apache" (SOTW, 8/22/2007).

A Man After My Own Heart

If you've ever covered a sporting event (very few of you have) you would know that reporters are furnished with a sheet of quotes from the postgame press conference. So who compiles those quotes? A courtroom style stenographer.
Wisconsin's Nigel Hayes decided to have some fun with her.
In response to the first question he said “Before I answer that question, I would like to say a few words: cattywampus, onomatopoeia and antidisestablishmentarianism. Now, back to your question.”
When asked why he did that Hayes responded “She [the stenographer] does an amazing job of typing words, sometimes if words are not in her dictionary, maybe if I say soliloquy right now, she may have to work a little bit harder to type that word, or quandary, zephyr, xylophone, things like that, that make her job really interesting.”
Apparently Hayes, Frank Kaminsky and Sam Dekker were fascinated with the stenographer and her machine from the previous day.

Funny thing is, none of this would have gotten out, if not for the stenographer.

Story suggested by Billy

What an Embarrassment

Syracuse's run in the NCAA tournament ended in bitter defeat against the Gamecocks of South Carolina, on the Cocks home floor.
They were just bigger, faster and better.
But the Orange gave a valiant effort, especially Alexis Peterson who followed up her 24 points against Nebraska in the first round with 23 more, most of them coming on reckless drives to the basket against South Carolina's bigger front line.
The Orange have played their hearts out and ended a great season with a loss to a great team, a serious title contender.
And they conduct themselves like true student-athletes, no failed drug tests, no fabricated grades, no booster at the YWCA (to my knowledge) while constantly showing great effort and emotion.
The women's program (unlike the men's) is improving every year and given the prominence of the ACC, they will get opportunities to draw top recruits and consistently compete against the best teams in the country.
And a lot of this has to do with Coach Quentin Hillsman who is a good coach, and you can tell he cares deeply about his players.
So what is embarrassing about that?
Nothing, except this shirt:

Ok, so it doesn't look that bad with the jacket on, but trust me, once he took the jacket off, it was terrible.

Tournament Thoughts: Second Round Sunday

Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between good defense and horrible shooting. I actually think we've had equal helpings of both from Virginia and Michigan State.

Also the referees have done a poor job. The game has been very physical, at some points they allowed a lot of it, then at other times they whistled everything.

Someone needs to school these guys about the 18-foot jump shot. It is the worst shot in basketball. So inefficient. You don't make it with the consistency of dunks and layups, and you don't get as many points as you would if you moved back 2 feet.

Both teams going huge stretches without a field goal. Not only bad offense, but the fact that every time someone goes to shoot, they refs call a foul, some of which really were fouls.

Trice got carried away with himself. Made a huge 3, then took a long 2 with his feet on the line (worst shot) and 20 seconds left on the shot clock. There's no need for it.

And that is why I always pick Michigan State. They have a great tournament history. They're the anti-Villanova.

Also historically I have a tremendous record in selecting the correct #2 seed to lose in the second round. It happens almost every year and very often I'm right on it, but too often I have the wrong team beating them.

Dominant performance by Duke. I really think they're a different team this year. They have athletes and big men, and they were fast-breaking whenever possible.

Ron Baker is not making Mrs. Poop's All-Hair team but she concedes is current style is a big improvement over what he was rocking in high school.

If you're going to pull off a big upset you need to shoot the ball well. Wichita St. hit so many 3s I thought they were playing Syracuse.

Kansas was just driving recklessly and hoping for fouls/rebounds/lucky rolls, while the Shockers were passing the ball around and shooting the lights out.

As you know I hate storylines that have nothing to do with the game. So you can bet I am already sick of the narrative that says Wichita St. beat Kansas fueled by the disrespect of the Jayhawks refusing to play them.

The Kansas cheerleaders got into this Sunflower State showdown, rocking sunflowers in their hair.

I understand this was the biggest game in the history of the state of Kansas. But really, was there much competition for that title.

Speaking of storylines I'm sick of, Dayton, home court advantage, and even Archie Miller. I think his wife rubbed me the wrong way last year when they beat Syracuse. To repeat, I don't think the home state advantage had too much impact on the game (more so against Boise State than against Providence) but I think the NCAA should have avoided it just for the sake of appearances.

I really like Buddy Hield aka Buddy Love. Good player and fun guy.

I wonder if Archie will go watch Arizona. I know their dad will.

I wonder where Kevin Pangos ranks on Billy's list of favorite Gonaga players. Probably behind Richie Frahm and ahead of Blake Stepp. ANd way ahead of Adam Morrison, who is in last.

Doug Gottlieb said some unpleasant things about the city of Syracuse, but I can't really disagree with him.

Notice how Oregon's program has gotten so much better since Ernie Kent got fired.

Bo Ryan always looks so angry. He should cheer up. He was a good team. They could really be on collision course for 3 tough games in a row if they can win the first two, UNC, Arizona and then Kentucky. If they win those they might actually catch a softer opponent in the National Final.

If Louisville is shooting 50% against you, you aren't playing good enough defense.

Maryland vs. West Virginia an old fashioned ACC-Big East matchup. A new fangled Big Ten-Big XII matchup.

Maryland's Richaud Pack dyed his hair blonde last week. His aunt died, and she was a lifelong blonde, so to honor her Pack and other family members went blonde. A local sportscaster joined the Pack family.

A real shame that Melo Trimble got rocked two times in the second half. Hard to put a kid back in there after two possibly concussive incidents. But its hard to beat a team like West Virginia without your point guard.

So I picked 4 upsets in the first round, Buffalo over West Virginia, Wofford over Arkansas, Texas over Butler and UC-Irvine over Louisville. Not only did I get all 4 of those wrong, 3 of those teams won their second game and went to the Sweet 16 completely screwing me.

Louisville looked much better than I had seen them all season. Maybe Pitino is like Tom Izzo, knows how to get his teams to win in the tournament.

Disappointing ending to a fun first weekend.

Here's what I'm looking forward to next week: some real challenges for Kentucky. A Wisconsin-Arizona matchup, as well as Duke-Gonzaga, hope they both happen. I would also love to see NC State and Michigan State in the regional. No matter who gets there, it should be fun.

Tournament Thoughts: Second Round Saturday

To repeat: this is the second round. Those first four games are not the first round, I do not care what the committee tries to sell me.

Billie must not have been watching UCLA very much recently or he surely would have remarked on the awesome uniform patches commemorating Wooden and his Pyramid of Success. But he died 5 years ago, how long are they going to honor him?

Now we get to hear about how UCLA proved their critics wrong, which is bullshit because 1) people weren't saying they weren't good enough to win, just that they didn't deserve a bid based on their regular season performance 2) they got a lucky call against SMU 3) they got a favorable draw against UAB and 4) the tournament is a total crapshoot.

If there were momentum that ferocious dunk by Willie Cauley-Stein could have shifted it. He just demolished the poor dude that got in his way.

Fresh off of being ejected in the last game, Octavius Ellis didn't let that curtail his instigating ways. He actually drew a technical from one of the Harrisons who gave him a bump and a shove.

But Kentucky is just too good. Their defense is good but Cincinnati also kept their own score down by holding the ball.

I really think they have a better than 75% chance of going 40-0 and becoming an all-time great team.

I didn't watch any of Arizona's first game versus Texas Southern because it was such a blowout, but you can see why people are picking them to upset Kentucky. They certainly have the talent.

Xavier has Miles Davis. I bet he's cool. And if he has to play ball in Europe after graduation, I wonder if they will call him Kilometers Davis.

Coach Hunter is certainly taking advantage of his moment in the sun. Upset victory, unusual injury, son on the team. He is not turning down any interviews.

But RJ Hunter can play.

Matt Stainbrook looks like the fat kid at summer camp who has to play just cuz he's the biggest kid. He's got the doughy physique, the t-shirt under his uniform, the glasses, just looks dorky and unathletic. But he has a really cool story. He graduated in four years, so this year he is taking classes towards his MBA. His brother is also on the team and somehow Matt gave up his scholarship so Tim could have it. Apparently graduate school only costs 1/3 what Tim would have to pay for undergrad.

And since he's not on scholarship, Matt can get a job. So he drives for Uber. He said at some point he was doing 20 to 25 hours a week.

But he's reportedly down about 30 pounds (and some hair) from when he arrived at Xavier.

Speaking of hair, Mrs. Poop put TJ Shipes on her real All-Hair team.

So long Ron Hunter's stool/knee scooter. We hardly knew ye.

Villanova has a horrible recent history in the tournament. They have made the tournament 5 of the past 6 years and haven't made the Sweet 16. After going to the Final Four in 2010, they lost as a 2 seed in the second round twice, and a one seed in the second round now. Plus two times in the first round 8/9 game. That is just putrid.

Cat Barbour is really good. So skinny and quick, but wiry and strong.

What a great game by Malik Abu. Thank you come again. (I know it's really Apu, but it's funny.)

Who can watch Utah play and not think of My Cousin Vinny?

I loved the pace of the Arkansas-North Carolina game. Apparently the refs got too tired after the first half so they decided to slow the game down in the second. They called a foul on anything that event looked like contact. Ruined a potentially great game.

Marcus Paige played awesome. He's a true point guard. Sets everyone else up but when it comes to winning time he takes the shots for himself.

Bobby Portis looks like a poor man's Chris Bosh.

There were 5 teams from Indiana in this tournament. All of them ended up in the same bracket. Indiana, Valpo and Purdue all lost, so it's Butler and Notre Dame for bragging rights.

Chase picked Butler because he likes Bertram the Butler from "Jessie." Julian picked Butler because they have the "butt" sound in their name.

Pat Conaughton's father is sitting right behind Jerome Bettis. And a couple row in front of Harvey Grant. Where Jerami at? (I know he's with the 76ers and actually playing pretty well.

I know it's a tough call to make at the end of a game, but Auguste absolutely double dribbled that ball. It was so blatantly obvious it had ot be called.

How do you leave two shooters wide open in the corner? You know that's their safety valve. I'd sooner leave a guy open at the top of the key. Terrible late game defense by Butler, but great execution by Notre Dame. You still gotta make the shots. Add the driving layup by Jerian Grant and they got 8 points in 3 possessions while simultaneously using a lot of time.

Great way to end the night with an overtime thriller.