I Am So Jealous

We have already documented the candy-eating habits of Bulls point guard Derrick Rose.
Now that sweet tooth has paid off. Skittles sent Rose a personalized Skittles dispensing machine.



The machine is cool enough but the best part is that Skittles says it will keep his machine stocked for up to three years.

Sweet!

What Do You Give Me For? Mike Pelfrey and Lane from Big Brother

What do you give me for Mike Pelfrey and Lane Elenburg from Big Brother?

Women Fixed This Race

What are the chances of a horse named "My Wife Knows Everything" and a horse named "The Wife Doesn't Know" being in the same race, and finishing 1-2. The fix had to be in, especially when "My Wife Knows Everything" finished in front.

I know the women loved this but I'll take Hoof Hearted any day.

The Best Thing I've Ever Heard

My love of Ice Cube's "It was a Good Day" is well known, thanks to my usage of the song's denouement ("I didn't even have to use my AK") as a Facebook status or indication of a particularly enjoyable day.
Less well known is my love of Mavis Staples and The Staple Singers in general, but especially "Let's Do It Again." Although I do find it a little unsettling that Mavis would sing about "getting good lovin" with her father, Pops Staples, on keyboard.
But those two songs are so different there's no way you could combine them to make one perfect song. Oh wait, there is.



According to Wikipedia, this version of the song has actually been around for a while, released on bootlegs, B-sides and even an NWA Greatest Hits album.

I cannot believe someone has actually combined these two wonderful things. Next thing you'll tell me is that there is chicken soup flavored ice cream.

I Would Have Spelled It Correctly

My new favorite show is ABC's "What Would You Do?" The show hires actors stage scenes in public (wife-beating, fraternity hazing) just to get the reactions of passersby.
I now live my life as if everything is being filmed for an episode of WWYD? I'm constantly interfering in things that are none of my business just in case John Quinones is lurking around the corner.
In an episode where a waiter was hitting on a guy's wife, an atrocious typo somehow slipped past all the producers and anyone else who watched the show before it aired.

It's Football Season

Once again espn.com is offering a wide variety of games for both college and NFL. I have created groups called "The Poop" in four of them.
They are college pickem, college showdown, pigskin pickem and eliminator challenge. The Eliminator is the traditional survivor pool, definitely do that one.
And join the group too assholes.

Curvy Women Are in This Season

The two hottest women at the 2010 Emmy Awards were unquestionably Mad Men's Christina Hendricks and Sofia Vergara of Modern Family.

My Favorite Terror Suspect Ever

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police arrested three men they say were making bombs as part of a terrorist plot.
One of the suspects is Khurram Syed Sher who tried out for Canadian Idol in 2008, singing Avril Lavigne's "Complicated."



I actually thought he did a pretty job with it. With the dancing I think he really made it his own.

I love the Canadian Randy Jackson. He's exactly the same but he says "eh?" after everything?

And where do they send people on Canadian Idol? What's the Canadian equivalent of Hollywood? Toronto? Regina?

The Bags are Juiced, The Mets Obviously Aren't

I don’t mean to ignore the severe mismanagement of the Mets which has led to their downward spiral from the precipice of the World Series in 2006 to the disastrous outfit we see before us today. The Mets have an incredibly flawed organizational philosophy which focuses on acquiring expensive overrated veterans while failing to develop cheap, young talent.

All of that is true, but another major factor is causing the Mets to be terrible. It’s impossible to explain so I think many advanced sabremetricians would call it luck. I don’t know what to call it but I think the main reason the Mets are so bad is because of a lack of timely hitting.

Let’s just look at the bases loaded. This year the Mets are 20 for 101 (.198) with the bases loaded. That’s worst in the majors. They have zero grand slams (worst in the majors). And they’ve allowed 9 grand slams (most in the majors), but that’s another issue.

If the Mets were only marginally better, say 2 grand slams hit, 2 fewer allowed they could be 4 games better in the standings and right in the wild card race.

But they’re not – and why?

Maybe they’re trying too hard, in those situations, or not hard enough. Maybe it is just luck. Maybe the Mets aren’t clutch, whatever that means. But the numbers are indisputable.



Here are the Mets OPS numbers with the bases loaded for the last 5 years and the major league rank:



2010: .483 (30th)

2009: .598 (28th)

2008: .637 (27th)

2007: .676 (25th)

2006: .976 (4th)

Toe-Tastic

For some reason my toes have a special ability to find furniture in the dark.

This is an injury from back in 2007.



This one happened earlier this year.



And I've been limping around for the last week because of this.

Song of the Week

"Just You and I" - Ricky Blaze



In case you recognize the bangin beat its the riddim from "Hold You" by Gyptian.

Note: "Riddim" is Jamaican for rhythm.

I've Become What I Despise

Nearly three years after deriding the Diaper Dude, calling it gay and saying I would rather carry a pink flowery diaper bag than a Diaper Dude, I now carry one.




A very generous friend decided I needed one, and even though I pleaded with her (she gave me advance notice) she ignored my wishes and foisted upon me an insecure man's diaper bag.

I must admit the bag is pretty cool, has some modern conveniences, like a hold for your phone on the strap and carrying it as a backpack is much easier than the shoulder strap. So even though I would never buy one for myself, I guess it is a pretty cool gift. But I still think it makes me gay.

Unions Gone Wild

It seems like every day you read in the paper another story showing how unions are ruining America. Either outrageous pay, lavish pensions or outright pig-headedness involving memebers it is growing increasingly clear labor unions have outlived their usefulness in America as ways to police employer abuse.
But no union is more drunk on power than the Major League Baseball Players' Association.

I can honestly see the union putting up a fight about the Mets trying to void K-Rod's cotnract. That somewhat makes sense, because it has to protect other members. But the MLBPA insisting K-Rod should be paid for the rest of this season is ludicrous.

The player was injured in the commission of a crime. During that criminal act he suffered an injury preventing him from fulfilling his duties as set forth in his contract. And yet he still deserves to be paid?

I can't see how they can possibly defend this unless they make him retract his confession that the injury was suffered during the fight.

Could you imagine if he had robbed a liquor store and gotten shot in the leg and been unable to pitch? Would that disqualify him from receiving the money he was entitled?

Note: Do people rob liquor stores anymore? Is it still called "knocking over" a liquor store?

Note: Paying big contracts to closers is foolish. More foolish than paying big contracts to other players. Closers' success is to fickle. The guy has been pretty good over two years for the Mets, but unless he's Gagne-esque there's no reason to pay him $12-$13 million a year.

Dad I'm Jesus Christ

Those of you with or without children you'll understand.
Mrs. Poop and I were quizzing Chase one day and asked him what is full name is.
He replied "Chase Brennan come here."
But we are not alone, the great Bill Cosby presaged this in his landmark "Himself" special nearly 30 years ago.

CNN's Copy Editors Miss One

The Tradition Lives On

2010:


2007:


1978:

Join the Paarti

On this season of "The Next Food Network Star" by former co-worker Aarti Sequeira is one of the contestants vying for the title and with it the prestigious show on the Food Network.
Before the season started I was unsure of how Aarti's cooking would be (I never knew her to be a foodie) but thought for certain she would shine in the "camera challenges" because of her TV background.



Turns out just the opposite was true. Aarti's food has consistently impressed the judges, including the obnoxious Bobby Flay, the love Giada De Laurentiis and the elderly homosexual who talks out of the side of his mouth, Bob Tushman.
But things Aarti should have been great at (timing, ease in front of the camera) turned out to be her bugaboos.
Despite her occassional hiccups Aarti has clearly dominated the competition winning more than anyone else, and failing far less often.
To keep things interesting Food Network created a story arc for Aarti -- she lacks confidence. True they did find moments of weakness where Aarti engaged in self-deprecating, apologetic behavior. But I think this wasn't due to a lack of confidence, simply more of a subconscious bar-lowering.
But I noticed a turning point in the penultimate episode. While Aarti was tearing up poor Herb in the Iron Chef Challenge Bobby Flay plainly asked her if she was happy with a certain dish.
In the split second it took her to answer, I could almost feel her thinking of all the excuses she could make for why the dish was substandard. But she rejected those doubts and answered "yes." Bobby Flay said "good, it's delicious."
I think in that moment Aarti clinched the show in the eyes of the judges who know she's the best and were just waiting for her to figure it out or at least show it.
In tonight's finale I'm sure she'll be crowned "The Next Food Network Star."

And He Got To Keep The Ball

Astros fan tries to catch a foul ball, but backs off at last second -- and his girlfriend gets plunked.



I love the way the reporter was like "girl, you need to ditch this loser."

Introducing Julian

To follow everything that happens with Julian from that moment on visit JulianEdward86.blogspot.com.