All year Freedo has run his big mouth about his Penn State Shittaly Lions, and while he was wrong about them, he was right about a lot of other things. Freedo was the only one bold enough to throw his hat into the College Bowl Mania ring with Pizza Parlor Derek and me, and Freedo was a resounding winner.
He nailed 20 of the 34 games, a passable 59%. But based on his confidence rankings he came up with 387 points, coming in the 87th percentile among the thousands who played the game on espn.com.
And he would have done even better if his pride and loyalty had made him pick Penn State, even though he knew they were going to get killed. And he even assigned 24 to that game, which showed he knew they were going to lose.
As for me, I was horrible. Freedo absolutely killed me, I sucked. I got only 11 games right, for 206 points. 94% of the people who played beat me. What a disaster.
I hope next year more of you will take the chance to embarrass me by playing in the bowl challenge next year.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, January 09, 2009
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Mrs. Poop will be attending a Golden Globes party at our neighbor's house (they became friends through Facebook, babies and mutual stalking). Mrs. Poop is not going to know anyone there besides the neighbor, so I suggested a little ice breaker she should use.
When she sees an actress showing off her big boobies, I told her to say "look at her Golden Globes."
When she sees an actress showing off her big boobies, I told her to say "look at her Golden Globes."
Weekly Picks
A playoff disaster that may be hard to recover from struck last week as Peyton Manning and his merry men choked again. Last week we had a bunch of close games that were tough to call and in several cases the better team was on the road. This week the big boys come out to play and the spreads are bigger.
TENNESSEE -3 baltimore
This is a counter-intuitive play. It seems to me every time I make the popular pick I lose. So even though it looks like the Ravens are a dominant defense again I’m going to guess that Kerry Collins can do what he did twice already this year (against the Bears and Jaguars) when the running game was shut down, and throw over the top of the defense.
CAROLINA -9 ½ arizona
I won’t go with two against the grain picks. I think the Cardinals performance last week (running and stopping the run) was a fluke. I think the Panthers can run right over them and by virtue of a ball-control offense, keep it away from Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald.
san diego +6 PITTSBURGH
I wanted one underdog here and I think the Chargers are the underdog most likely to win (after the Ravens who I’m not picking for reasons discussed above). I know the Steelers have a great defense and are very tough to be at home but the Chargers are playing great right now. Philip Rivers continues to play like one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL (he was the top-rated QB this year) and it turns out the Chargers may not need LaDanian Tomlinson as much as we thought they did. My only fear is that Darren Sproles will get hit hard by either James Harrison or Troy Polamalu and get knocked out of the game.
BEST BET
NEW YORK GIANTS -4 ½ philadelphia
I’m not giving up on the Giants just yet. They are the Super Bowl Champions and they were the best team through ¾ of the season. They haven’t brought their A game for a few weeks now but I think they will be able to get their running game going against the Eagles which will open things up for Eli Manning. But I guess there is always the possibility that Eli Manning is a choker like his brother, both of whom had just one lucky year. But I also worry about the Eagles, and Donovan McNabb, because of their tendency to come up small in big games. Plus Papa Poop and Master Bates are going to this game and I don’t want to have to root against them.
Last Week: 1-3 (0 points)
Season: 45-44 (49 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (11-7)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (10-16)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (4-2)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (20-9)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (10-16)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)
TENNESSEE -3 baltimore
This is a counter-intuitive play. It seems to me every time I make the popular pick I lose. So even though it looks like the Ravens are a dominant defense again I’m going to guess that Kerry Collins can do what he did twice already this year (against the Bears and Jaguars) when the running game was shut down, and throw over the top of the defense.
CAROLINA -9 ½ arizona
I won’t go with two against the grain picks. I think the Cardinals performance last week (running and stopping the run) was a fluke. I think the Panthers can run right over them and by virtue of a ball-control offense, keep it away from Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald.
san diego +6 PITTSBURGH
I wanted one underdog here and I think the Chargers are the underdog most likely to win (after the Ravens who I’m not picking for reasons discussed above). I know the Steelers have a great defense and are very tough to be at home but the Chargers are playing great right now. Philip Rivers continues to play like one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL (he was the top-rated QB this year) and it turns out the Chargers may not need LaDanian Tomlinson as much as we thought they did. My only fear is that Darren Sproles will get hit hard by either James Harrison or Troy Polamalu and get knocked out of the game.
BEST BET
NEW YORK GIANTS -4 ½ philadelphia
I’m not giving up on the Giants just yet. They are the Super Bowl Champions and they were the best team through ¾ of the season. They haven’t brought their A game for a few weeks now but I think they will be able to get their running game going against the Eagles which will open things up for Eli Manning. But I guess there is always the possibility that Eli Manning is a choker like his brother, both of whom had just one lucky year. But I also worry about the Eagles, and Donovan McNabb, because of their tendency to come up small in big games. Plus Papa Poop and Master Bates are going to this game and I don’t want to have to root against them.
Last Week: 1-3 (0 points)
Season: 45-44 (49 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (11-7)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (10-16)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (4-2)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (20-9)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (10-16)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)
Most Delicious Prank Ever
Rookie Jason Thompson of the Sacramento Kings failed to fulfill his obligations as a rookie. For failing to bring the bagels, this was his punishment, if you can call this a punishment.
The key to taking a prank is to act like it doesn't bother you. I would have just sat there and ate the popcorn until it was gone.
The key to taking a prank is to act like it doesn't bother you. I would have just sat there and ate the popcorn until it was gone.
Aren't Genetics Wild?
I recently got a most distressing e-mail from Master Bates:
"Had my first ever Target popcorn today and it came nowhere close to the hype you built up. In fact I threw out a lot of it as it was not good."
At first I thought maybe he just got a bad batch, but then I remembered Target popcorn is popped fresh every 30 minutes, and there have been times when Mrs. Poop has gotten Target popcorn in the morning, and I ate it at 6 pm, and it was still delicious. So that couldn't be it.
Then I considered maybe Master Bates was raised to dislike delicious popcorn. But since we were raised by the same parents, in the same house, the same room even, we must have been exposed to the same things growing up.
So maybe nature in the age old nature vs. nurture debate was the reason Master Bates didn't like Target Popcorn.
So I called Mama Poop and she said she loves Target Popcorn too.
Therefore the only conclusion one can make is: Master Bates is adopted.
"Had my first ever Target popcorn today and it came nowhere close to the hype you built up. In fact I threw out a lot of it as it was not good."
At first I thought maybe he just got a bad batch, but then I remembered Target popcorn is popped fresh every 30 minutes, and there have been times when Mrs. Poop has gotten Target popcorn in the morning, and I ate it at 6 pm, and it was still delicious. So that couldn't be it.
Then I considered maybe Master Bates was raised to dislike delicious popcorn. But since we were raised by the same parents, in the same house, the same room even, we must have been exposed to the same things growing up.
So maybe nature in the age old nature vs. nurture debate was the reason Master Bates didn't like Target Popcorn.
So I called Mama Poop and she said she loves Target Popcorn too.
Therefore the only conclusion one can make is: Master Bates is adopted.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
When He Wasn't Saying How Great Tim Tebow Is
Thom Brennaman after a hard tackle by Florida Gators safety Major Wright:
"When Major Wright hits you, you feel it in a major wrong way."
Somewhere Tim McCarver smiled and thought "so Thom did get my e-mail."
"When Major Wright hits you, you feel it in a major wrong way."
Somewhere Tim McCarver smiled and thought "so Thom did get my e-mail."
Everybody Wants a Handout
In a letter to Congress filled with cheesy puns like "sagging economy" and "limp sales" Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild Creator Joe Francis asked for a $5 billion bailout for the porn industry.
"The government is handing out money. They're moving toward a nationalized economy, and Larry and I felt we might as well be a part of it."
"People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt added in a statement. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."
"I'd like to know what Obama would say," Francis mused. "I bet he's a Girls Gone Wild fan...If we're invited [to the White House], then we'll go."
Obviously the media is all over this story and reporting with such seriousness that you'd think these guys are really expecting Congress to even consider this.
Obviously, this is just a publicity stunt, but it's a pretty funny one.
By the way, Larry Flynt is the perpetrator of one of the funniest agitations I've ever heard of. Flynt sends every issue of Hustler to all 535 members of Congress. Some have asked the deliveries be stopped, some have even sought legal action, but the public is allowed to seek redress from Congress. So basically Congressmen are required to receive and open mail from citizens, whether they like it or not.
"The government is handing out money. They're moving toward a nationalized economy, and Larry and I felt we might as well be a part of it."
"People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt added in a statement. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."
"I'd like to know what Obama would say," Francis mused. "I bet he's a Girls Gone Wild fan...If we're invited [to the White House], then we'll go."
Obviously the media is all over this story and reporting with such seriousness that you'd think these guys are really expecting Congress to even consider this.
Obviously, this is just a publicity stunt, but it's a pretty funny one.
By the way, Larry Flynt is the perpetrator of one of the funniest agitations I've ever heard of. Flynt sends every issue of Hustler to all 535 members of Congress. Some have asked the deliveries be stopped, some have even sought legal action, but the public is allowed to seek redress from Congress. So basically Congressmen are required to receive and open mail from citizens, whether they like it or not.
I Want To See These Pictures
A woman in England received a huge surprise five weeks after doctors told her she was pregnant – she found out she has two reproductive systems and her baby is growing in one of her two wombs.
Lindsay Hasaj is one of very few women who are known to have that kind of anatomy, but doctors are confident she will have a normal pregnancy.
Her condition, known as uterus didelphys, means she has two wombs, two cervixes and two vaginas. It also means her chances of getting pregnant were cut in half.
The condition can make the wombs and cervixes weaker than having one of each, but with regular check-ups, she should be fine.
She never knew she had the condition because she is normal externally, her vagina has one opening, but it divides into two internally.
I guess this is the female version of diphallic terata.
Lindsay Hasaj is one of very few women who are known to have that kind of anatomy, but doctors are confident she will have a normal pregnancy.
Her condition, known as uterus didelphys, means she has two wombs, two cervixes and two vaginas. It also means her chances of getting pregnant were cut in half.
The condition can make the wombs and cervixes weaker than having one of each, but with regular check-ups, she should be fine.
She never knew she had the condition because she is normal externally, her vagina has one opening, but it divides into two internally.
I guess this is the female version of diphallic terata.
There is Nothing Sexy About Breastfeeding
Facebook is currently involved in a boobie controversy.
The site flagged the photos of women breast-feeding as obscene.
Now angry mothers are picketing the site's headquarters, creating groups like "Hey Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene" and flooding the site with breastfeeding images (11,500 of them) out of spite.
"We challenge the notion that women's breasts are dangerous or sexual, especially in the context of breast-feeding," said Stephanie Muir, organizer of the virtual "nurse-in."
That's a sentiment I completely agree with.
"We've made a visible areola the determining factor," said Facebook spokesman Barry Schnitt, who stressed that the company supports breast-feeding. "It is a common standard."
Also a sentiment I agree with.
Look Facebook has to draw the line somewhere and I guess exposed nipple is a good place to do it.
No one would argue that these sluts who post pictures of themselves wearing nothing but a smile (but covering their nipples with their hands) aren't closer to obscenity than breastfeeding pics, but in this case Facebook can't be expected to review every photo.
And it shouldn't be a fundamental right for site users to be allowed to post these pictures.
And why are women posting them anyway? Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, a wonderful thing that not everyone needs to see.
The site flagged the photos of women breast-feeding as obscene.
Now angry mothers are picketing the site's headquarters, creating groups like "Hey Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene" and flooding the site with breastfeeding images (11,500 of them) out of spite.
"We challenge the notion that women's breasts are dangerous or sexual, especially in the context of breast-feeding," said Stephanie Muir, organizer of the virtual "nurse-in."
That's a sentiment I completely agree with.
"We've made a visible areola the determining factor," said Facebook spokesman Barry Schnitt, who stressed that the company supports breast-feeding. "It is a common standard."
Also a sentiment I agree with.
Look Facebook has to draw the line somewhere and I guess exposed nipple is a good place to do it.
No one would argue that these sluts who post pictures of themselves wearing nothing but a smile (but covering their nipples with their hands) aren't closer to obscenity than breastfeeding pics, but in this case Facebook can't be expected to review every photo.
And it shouldn't be a fundamental right for site users to be allowed to post these pictures.
And why are women posting them anyway? Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, a wonderful thing that not everyone needs to see.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Song of the Week
"Worst That Could Happen" - Johnny Maestro and the Brooklyn Bridge
Sticking with the oldies theme this week for one of the greatest love songs ever written. Listen to this classic performance from the Ed Sullivan Show in 1968. You can hear the lament in Johnny Maestro's voice.
"Baby, if he loves you more than me, maybe it's the best thing for you..."
Sticking with the oldies theme this week for one of the greatest love songs ever written. Listen to this classic performance from the Ed Sullivan Show in 1968. You can hear the lament in Johnny Maestro's voice.
"Baby, if he loves you more than me, maybe it's the best thing for you..."
Talk Amongst Yourselves, I'll Pick the Topic
Few topics seem to generate as much feedback around these parts as MMA does.
So let me pose a question that should spark some debate:
Who among Anderson Silva, Rashad Evans or Brock Lesnar will be the first (and last) to lose a match?
Silva is the best fighter in the world right now, Evans has never lost and Lesnar is just a beast.
I think Evans will be the first to lose. Even though he already has 8 wins in the UFC there are some holes in his game, specifically, he's never even tried a submission. Plus there are some really good contenders in the 205 division including Rampage Jackson and maybe even Anderson Silva moving up for a superfight (too bad UFC doesn't have catch weights).
I think Lesnar is an absolute monster who should tear through the heavyweight division, I think it's possible (but not likely) that someone could eventually be able to catch him in some kind of submission (though I doubt it would be a choke because I don't think anyone has arms long enough to wrap around his neck).
That leaves me with Anderson Silva. I don't see any way someone can beat this guy. He's got 8 straight wins in the UFC and hasn't lost in 3 years, and that was a disqualification. Plus, Silva seems kind of bored with UFC and may retire after just a couple more fights, even though he supposedly has 6 fights left on his contract.
So I predict Evans gets in one maybe two title defense before he loses.
Lesnar wins about 6 or 8 fights before someone catches him.
And Silva fights 4 more times and retires without ever losing again.
So let me pose a question that should spark some debate:
Who among Anderson Silva, Rashad Evans or Brock Lesnar will be the first (and last) to lose a match?
Silva is the best fighter in the world right now, Evans has never lost and Lesnar is just a beast.
I think Evans will be the first to lose. Even though he already has 8 wins in the UFC there are some holes in his game, specifically, he's never even tried a submission. Plus there are some really good contenders in the 205 division including Rampage Jackson and maybe even Anderson Silva moving up for a superfight (too bad UFC doesn't have catch weights).
I think Lesnar is an absolute monster who should tear through the heavyweight division, I think it's possible (but not likely) that someone could eventually be able to catch him in some kind of submission (though I doubt it would be a choke because I don't think anyone has arms long enough to wrap around his neck).
That leaves me with Anderson Silva. I don't see any way someone can beat this guy. He's got 8 straight wins in the UFC and hasn't lost in 3 years, and that was a disqualification. Plus, Silva seems kind of bored with UFC and may retire after just a couple more fights, even though he supposedly has 6 fights left on his contract.
So I predict Evans gets in one maybe two title defense before he loses.
Lesnar wins about 6 or 8 fights before someone catches him.
And Silva fights 4 more times and retires without ever losing again.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
The NFL is Poop - Wild Card Playoffs
Arizona Cardinals 30 Atlanta Falcons 24
The Cardinals beat the Falcons by beating them at their own game. And doing it from the get-go. The Cardinals set the tone for this game on their second drive. They tried three passes on their first possession and went 3-and-out. They started their second drive with 3 runs, 6, 9 and 6 yards. After softening up the defense, the Cardinals used a flea flicker for a touchdown. Though that touchdown was more the result of Larry Fitzgerald’s incredible athleticism, than it was duping a defense which was committed to the run. And the Cardinals also got tough on defense bottling up Michael Turner for most of the game. But despite that impressive style of play, the Cardinals were still in trouble in this one until the ball landed in Antrell Rolle’s lap and he returned the fumble 27 yards for a touchdown to give the Cardinals a 21-17 lead. After that the Falcons went 5 possessions in which they lost 6 yards total, got intercepted and sacked in the end zone for a safety.
San Diego Chargers 23 Indianapolis Colts 17
The best game of the weekend but it was also marred by some questionable officiating and some horrible play. Neither team seemed like they wanted to win this game. But beyond the play-by-play of this one is the remarkable downside of the careers of two of the greatest players of this decade. Let’s look at Peyton Manning for instance, sure he had one great year, but take that out, and he’s 3-8 lifetime in the playoffs. That’s an atrocious record. And several of those games were home games, or games the Colts should have won. Yes, he shook the choker label by winning the Super Bowl, but he is far from clutch. And it sure seems like the window is closing on these Colts teams. And the career of LaDanian Tomlinson maybe be on an even sharper slide. For the second year in a row Tomlinson sat on the sidelines looking utterly disinterested while this team won a playoff game. In the NFL, teams have to be quick to get rid of aging high-priced stars (better a year too soon than a year too late) because of the salary cap. Running backs usually fade early, and very quickly (remember Shaun Alexander?). And the great performance of Darren Sproles will give the Chargers even more reason to consider cutting Tomlinson loose (I bet they wish they’d kept Michael Turner). Sproles just goes to show that size is overrated, if a guy is fast but small maybe he can’t carry 20 times a day right up the middle, but if you use him properly he can become a great asset.
Baltimore Ravens 27 Miami Dolphins 9
Absolute domination by the Ravens. And crashing down came the Cinderella season of the Dolphins and especially Chad Pennington. In 2 games against the Ravens Pennington through 5 interceptions, in 15 games against the rest of the league he threw 6. But it started when the Ravens shut down the Dolphins running game (Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown combined for 36 yards) and took the lead. That forced the Dolphins to pass more often than they would like (38 attempts for Pennington). In each of the last 3 seasons a team that played on the first weekend of the playoffs went on to winner the Super Bowl. If that trend continues I think it will be the Ravens. They have a dominating defense, a powerful running game and in Joe Flacco, a Roethlisberger-esque young QB who isn’t great, but doesn’t screw it up and makes enough plays to win.
Philadelphia Eagles 26 Minnesota Vikings 14
And Eagles fans love Donovan McNabb again. It should be pointed out for all the criticism he gets McNabb is 6-0 in his career in his first round playoff game. Coach Andy Reid is 7-0, because he won one game with Jeff Garcia at the helm. Unfortunately for them they’re 1-3 in NFC championship games and 0-1 in the Super Bowl. A lot of people criticize the Eagles for an imbalanced pass-run breakdown but they really started to have success in this game when they abandoned the run. The Vikings completely stuff their rushing game so they started throwing on every down, to great success. After two pretty good drives that didn’t turn into anything because of horrid starting field position, the Eagles broke through when Brian Westbrook sprung free for a 71-yard touchdown. And the Vikings couldn't come back because, frankly, Tarvaris Jackson sucks. This team needs to figure out something fast because 21 of their starters are good enough to be a really good team, but neither Gus Frerotte nor Jackson is good enough to lead them anywhere. If they can get their hands on Donovan McNabb, they'd probably get at least one round further in the playoffs next year.
The Cardinals beat the Falcons by beating them at their own game. And doing it from the get-go. The Cardinals set the tone for this game on their second drive. They tried three passes on their first possession and went 3-and-out. They started their second drive with 3 runs, 6, 9 and 6 yards. After softening up the defense, the Cardinals used a flea flicker for a touchdown. Though that touchdown was more the result of Larry Fitzgerald’s incredible athleticism, than it was duping a defense which was committed to the run. And the Cardinals also got tough on defense bottling up Michael Turner for most of the game. But despite that impressive style of play, the Cardinals were still in trouble in this one until the ball landed in Antrell Rolle’s lap and he returned the fumble 27 yards for a touchdown to give the Cardinals a 21-17 lead. After that the Falcons went 5 possessions in which they lost 6 yards total, got intercepted and sacked in the end zone for a safety.
San Diego Chargers 23 Indianapolis Colts 17
The best game of the weekend but it was also marred by some questionable officiating and some horrible play. Neither team seemed like they wanted to win this game. But beyond the play-by-play of this one is the remarkable downside of the careers of two of the greatest players of this decade. Let’s look at Peyton Manning for instance, sure he had one great year, but take that out, and he’s 3-8 lifetime in the playoffs. That’s an atrocious record. And several of those games were home games, or games the Colts should have won. Yes, he shook the choker label by winning the Super Bowl, but he is far from clutch. And it sure seems like the window is closing on these Colts teams. And the career of LaDanian Tomlinson maybe be on an even sharper slide. For the second year in a row Tomlinson sat on the sidelines looking utterly disinterested while this team won a playoff game. In the NFL, teams have to be quick to get rid of aging high-priced stars (better a year too soon than a year too late) because of the salary cap. Running backs usually fade early, and very quickly (remember Shaun Alexander?). And the great performance of Darren Sproles will give the Chargers even more reason to consider cutting Tomlinson loose (I bet they wish they’d kept Michael Turner). Sproles just goes to show that size is overrated, if a guy is fast but small maybe he can’t carry 20 times a day right up the middle, but if you use him properly he can become a great asset.
Baltimore Ravens 27 Miami Dolphins 9
Absolute domination by the Ravens. And crashing down came the Cinderella season of the Dolphins and especially Chad Pennington. In 2 games against the Ravens Pennington through 5 interceptions, in 15 games against the rest of the league he threw 6. But it started when the Ravens shut down the Dolphins running game (Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown combined for 36 yards) and took the lead. That forced the Dolphins to pass more often than they would like (38 attempts for Pennington). In each of the last 3 seasons a team that played on the first weekend of the playoffs went on to winner the Super Bowl. If that trend continues I think it will be the Ravens. They have a dominating defense, a powerful running game and in Joe Flacco, a Roethlisberger-esque young QB who isn’t great, but doesn’t screw it up and makes enough plays to win.
Philadelphia Eagles 26 Minnesota Vikings 14
And Eagles fans love Donovan McNabb again. It should be pointed out for all the criticism he gets McNabb is 6-0 in his career in his first round playoff game. Coach Andy Reid is 7-0, because he won one game with Jeff Garcia at the helm. Unfortunately for them they’re 1-3 in NFC championship games and 0-1 in the Super Bowl. A lot of people criticize the Eagles for an imbalanced pass-run breakdown but they really started to have success in this game when they abandoned the run. The Vikings completely stuff their rushing game so they started throwing on every down, to great success. After two pretty good drives that didn’t turn into anything because of horrid starting field position, the Eagles broke through when Brian Westbrook sprung free for a 71-yard touchdown. And the Vikings couldn't come back because, frankly, Tarvaris Jackson sucks. This team needs to figure out something fast because 21 of their starters are good enough to be a really good team, but neither Gus Frerotte nor Jackson is good enough to lead them anywhere. If they can get their hands on Donovan McNabb, they'd probably get at least one round further in the playoffs next year.
Big Night Out
Ever since she read the book, Mrs. Poop has been dying to see "Twilight." For whatever reason she wasn't able to go when her equally-obsessed work buddies went, so it fell on me to take her.
And so that I could greater share the experience with her (and bill it as a Hannukah present) I read the book first.
We had planned to go see it while in Connecticut over the Christmas holiday but when that didn't work out we enlisted Mama Poop to babysit so we could go.
We decided to go out to dinner first because we never get to leisurely enjoy a meal anymore. Turns out we didn't get to enjoy a leisurely meal this time either. The wait was 45 minutes so we had about an hour before our movie started. Plus, my stomach was rumbling. If we hadn't already bought the tickets I might have wanted to go home. But halfway through the movie it calmed down so I was fine.
Showtime was listed as 8:20 but you know the movie doesn't start until at least 8:30 so we were shocked to find a theater almost completely packed at 8:10, especially considering the movie has been out for 6 weeks.
We couldn't find two seats together anywhere, not even in the lower part of the auditorium where you have to strain your neck looking up at the screen.
We decide to go outside and get help from an usher (old man move #1), part of me thinking that we're going to have to ask for our money back and really ruin Mrs. Poop's big night out.
But when we get back in the theater I see some douche with a pile of coats on a chair (how inconsiderate are you if you take up a seat in a crowded theater with your jacket?) a few seats down from an empty seat. I point it out to the usher who demands those people pick up their coats, everyone else slides down one, and we're in prime seating location.
Except on my left is some smart-mouthed kid. He had to be 10 or 11 years old, I'm not even sure he wasn't with his parents, but he would not stop talking. He wasn't whispering, he was talking. And all stupid comments, like calling Edward a stalker for the creepy way he was looking at Bella.
So I leaned over putting my face right in his and said "stop talking" (old man move #2). He looked at me, I glared at him and he didn't say another word the rest of the movie.
Thankfully I didn't have to go to the bathroom during the movie because of my enlarged prostate, that would have been three old man strikes against me.
I liked the movie a lot better than the book because they cut out a lot of the girly sappy crap and replaced it with action and fight scenes.
It's very challenging to turn a beloved book into a movie, because books don't always translate (especially when most of the action takes place inside the character's head) and because they'd be 5 hours long if the script was adhered to exactly as the book is written.
But I think they did an excellent job of skipping things, combining things and rearranging things to cover all crucial plot points while not omitting anything important or cool.
Also, some aspects, like the vampires' powers and the scenic mountains and trees appeared better on the big screen than in your mind.
Plus Mike Dexter played Edward Cullen's dad.
Other than that all the casting was great, Edward was perfectly creepy, Bella was perfectly awkward and the girl who played Jessica was absolutely perfect as a teenage girl ("this dress makes my boobs look awesome").
When the movie ended I looked at Mrs. Poop and she said "we are definitely getting this on DVD."
She liked it, I liked it and we had a nice night out, with no Chase for once.
And so that I could greater share the experience with her (and bill it as a Hannukah present) I read the book first.
We had planned to go see it while in Connecticut over the Christmas holiday but when that didn't work out we enlisted Mama Poop to babysit so we could go.
We decided to go out to dinner first because we never get to leisurely enjoy a meal anymore. Turns out we didn't get to enjoy a leisurely meal this time either. The wait was 45 minutes so we had about an hour before our movie started. Plus, my stomach was rumbling. If we hadn't already bought the tickets I might have wanted to go home. But halfway through the movie it calmed down so I was fine.
Showtime was listed as 8:20 but you know the movie doesn't start until at least 8:30 so we were shocked to find a theater almost completely packed at 8:10, especially considering the movie has been out for 6 weeks.
We couldn't find two seats together anywhere, not even in the lower part of the auditorium where you have to strain your neck looking up at the screen.
We decide to go outside and get help from an usher (old man move #1), part of me thinking that we're going to have to ask for our money back and really ruin Mrs. Poop's big night out.
But when we get back in the theater I see some douche with a pile of coats on a chair (how inconsiderate are you if you take up a seat in a crowded theater with your jacket?) a few seats down from an empty seat. I point it out to the usher who demands those people pick up their coats, everyone else slides down one, and we're in prime seating location.
Except on my left is some smart-mouthed kid. He had to be 10 or 11 years old, I'm not even sure he wasn't with his parents, but he would not stop talking. He wasn't whispering, he was talking. And all stupid comments, like calling Edward a stalker for the creepy way he was looking at Bella.
So I leaned over putting my face right in his and said "stop talking" (old man move #2). He looked at me, I glared at him and he didn't say another word the rest of the movie.
Thankfully I didn't have to go to the bathroom during the movie because of my enlarged prostate, that would have been three old man strikes against me.
I liked the movie a lot better than the book because they cut out a lot of the girly sappy crap and replaced it with action and fight scenes.
It's very challenging to turn a beloved book into a movie, because books don't always translate (especially when most of the action takes place inside the character's head) and because they'd be 5 hours long if the script was adhered to exactly as the book is written.
But I think they did an excellent job of skipping things, combining things and rearranging things to cover all crucial plot points while not omitting anything important or cool.
Also, some aspects, like the vampires' powers and the scenic mountains and trees appeared better on the big screen than in your mind.
Plus Mike Dexter played Edward Cullen's dad.
Other than that all the casting was great, Edward was perfectly creepy, Bella was perfectly awkward and the girl who played Jessica was absolutely perfect as a teenage girl ("this dress makes my boobs look awesome").
When the movie ended I looked at Mrs. Poop and she said "we are definitely getting this on DVD."
She liked it, I liked it and we had a nice night out, with no Chase for once.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Paulo's Book Club: "Twilight"
"Twilight" is a story about a teenage love, told from a teenage girl's perspective, and the main character is a teenage girl.
If you are not a teenage girl (or never were) this book may not be for you.
It's not really a book about vampires. Edward Cullen being a vampire is just the thing that makes him different, dangerous, exciting and forbidden. And those are the reason Bella, and the teenage girls who read about him love him so much.
Four hundred years ago Shakespeare wrote about forbidden teenage love, and this is essentially an updated version of that same theme, with a fantastical twist.
Bella Swan ("stop looking at me, Swan") is the awkward, clumsy girl who comes to a new school and eventually falls in love with the school's bad boy, who happens to be a good-looking vampire.
I think the author overdoes it a little with the girly stuff. For instance, the book could have been 100 pages shorter if she hadn't emptied her thesaurus looking for 1000 different ways to describe how good-looking Edward is. And there was also a lot of effort spent describing the way Bella's heart fluttered every time Edward looked at her, touched her or even walked into the same room. We get it, she loves him.
Despite being 500 pages, "Twilight" is a light, fast read (remember, I said it was for teenage girls) and if you can wade through some of the sappy stuff there is a good story there.
So even though I didn't love it, I can definitely understand why a certain segment of the population would, and if you are one of those people who can remember getting tongue-tied when the cute boy sat next to you in biology class, this might be the book for you.
If you are not a teenage girl (or never were) this book may not be for you.
It's not really a book about vampires. Edward Cullen being a vampire is just the thing that makes him different, dangerous, exciting and forbidden. And those are the reason Bella, and the teenage girls who read about him love him so much.
Four hundred years ago Shakespeare wrote about forbidden teenage love, and this is essentially an updated version of that same theme, with a fantastical twist.
Bella Swan ("stop looking at me, Swan") is the awkward, clumsy girl who comes to a new school and eventually falls in love with the school's bad boy, who happens to be a good-looking vampire.
I think the author overdoes it a little with the girly stuff. For instance, the book could have been 100 pages shorter if she hadn't emptied her thesaurus looking for 1000 different ways to describe how good-looking Edward is. And there was also a lot of effort spent describing the way Bella's heart fluttered every time Edward looked at her, touched her or even walked into the same room. We get it, she loves him.
Despite being 500 pages, "Twilight" is a light, fast read (remember, I said it was for teenage girls) and if you can wade through some of the sappy stuff there is a good story there.
So even though I didn't love it, I can definitely understand why a certain segment of the population would, and if you are one of those people who can remember getting tongue-tied when the cute boy sat next to you in biology class, this might be the book for you.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Rey Maualuga Takes a Page out of Pizza Parlor Derek's Book
Emboldened by his team's awesome Rose Bowl performance over the Penn State Shittaly Lions, USC linebacker Rey Maualuga saw Erin Andrews standing on the sideline and tried to USC PPD's old 1:30 AM Darwin's move on her.
Sorry Rey, that only works only the drunken sluts at Darwin's. You're gonna need a little more to impress a classy broad like Erin Andrews.
Speaking of PPD, his New Year's Resolution was to revive the Pizza Parlor. And if past performance is any indication of future results, this resolution will have fizzled out before we reach February.
Sorry Rey, that only works only the drunken sluts at Darwin's. You're gonna need a little more to impress a classy broad like Erin Andrews.
Speaking of PPD, his New Year's Resolution was to revive the Pizza Parlor. And if past performance is any indication of future results, this resolution will have fizzled out before we reach February.
I Think This Is Just Crazy Enough to Work
As a promotion for their new condoms which contain a mild anasthetic (to help men last longer) Durex introduced something called the "stamina pillow."
Just put these pillows on your bed during intercourse and you should have no trouble lasting all night.
Just put these pillows on your bed during intercourse and you should have no trouble lasting all night.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Happy New Year
My favorite episode of MASH begins on New Year's Eve 1950.
As it's about to become 1951 Colonel Potter says "Here's to the New Year. May she be a damned sight better than the old one and may we all be home before she's over."
The episode goes on an hilarious recounting of the 1951 baseball season with Winchester betting on the Dodgers.
The 4077th goes nuts when Russ Hodges exclaims "the Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!"
And the episode ends on New Year's Eve 1951.
As it's about to become 1952 Colonel Potter says "Here's to the New Year. May she be a damned sight better than the old one and may we all be home before she's over."
For me personally 2008 was a great one. My little boy grew from a little baby who didn't do much to a walking, talking menace. Watching him grow each day and remembering all the fun things we did this year will always bring fond memories of 2008.
But some bad things did happen this year. I lost my job (though hopefully in 2009's recap I'll be able to consider that a blessing), Mrs. Poop's grandfather passed away, and on a much less important note, the Mets choked again.
But this year in my life was that much richer for being able to share it with all of you.
So no matter how 2008 turned out for you I still wish that this New Year "be a damned sight better than the old one" and to all the troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan "may [you] all be home before she's over."
As it's about to become 1951 Colonel Potter says "Here's to the New Year. May she be a damned sight better than the old one and may we all be home before she's over."
The episode goes on an hilarious recounting of the 1951 baseball season with Winchester betting on the Dodgers.
The 4077th goes nuts when Russ Hodges exclaims "the Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!"
And the episode ends on New Year's Eve 1951.
As it's about to become 1952 Colonel Potter says "Here's to the New Year. May she be a damned sight better than the old one and may we all be home before she's over."
For me personally 2008 was a great one. My little boy grew from a little baby who didn't do much to a walking, talking menace. Watching him grow each day and remembering all the fun things we did this year will always bring fond memories of 2008.
But some bad things did happen this year. I lost my job (though hopefully in 2009's recap I'll be able to consider that a blessing), Mrs. Poop's grandfather passed away, and on a much less important note, the Mets choked again.
But this year in my life was that much richer for being able to share it with all of you.
So no matter how 2008 turned out for you I still wish that this New Year "be a damned sight better than the old one" and to all the troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan "may [you] all be home before she's over."
Friday, January 02, 2009
Weekly Picks
We bounced back from three bad weeks in a row thanks to a gutsy pick of the Cardinals. If I were in the pool this year I’d be in money position right now. But you make your name in the playoffs. And this is an interesting week with no spreads bigger than a field goal and three road favorites.
atlanta -2 ARIZONA
This is a styles makes fights pick. In the playoffs I’m going to go with the team with the better defense and running game over the passing team, even though the game is being played in favorable weather conditions.
baltimore -3 MIAMI
I think this game will be so low scoring that a field goal margin here is very likely. And while I love what Chad Pennington has done with this team I think the Ravens defense will be able to take advantage of him. They’ll get pressure on him because he’s not very mobile, and they pick him off by sitting on his routes because they know he can’t throw over the top.
MINNESOTA +3 philadelphia
I just don't trust the Eagles. They've shown flashes, then they've looked like shit. But I'm picking this based on the running game of the Vikings. And the fact that I think Andy Reid will be stupid and pass too much. When he does that, the Eagles lose.
BEST BET
indianapolis +1 SAN DIEGO
I still don't trust the Chargers. Even though they won 4 must win games in a row I still don't believe in their toughness in a crucial game. And I really like the way the Colts are playing right now. Plus they have the revenge factor working since the Chargers knocked them out last year.
Last Week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 44-41 (49 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (11-6)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (10-16)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (4-1)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (19-8)
Road Underdogs: 1-2 (10-15)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)
atlanta -2 ARIZONA
This is a styles makes fights pick. In the playoffs I’m going to go with the team with the better defense and running game over the passing team, even though the game is being played in favorable weather conditions.
baltimore -3 MIAMI
I think this game will be so low scoring that a field goal margin here is very likely. And while I love what Chad Pennington has done with this team I think the Ravens defense will be able to take advantage of him. They’ll get pressure on him because he’s not very mobile, and they pick him off by sitting on his routes because they know he can’t throw over the top.
MINNESOTA +3 philadelphia
I just don't trust the Eagles. They've shown flashes, then they've looked like shit. But I'm picking this based on the running game of the Vikings. And the fact that I think Andy Reid will be stupid and pass too much. When he does that, the Eagles lose.
BEST BET
indianapolis +1 SAN DIEGO
I still don't trust the Chargers. Even though they won 4 must win games in a row I still don't believe in their toughness in a crucial game. And I really like the way the Colts are playing right now. Plus they have the revenge factor working since the Chargers knocked them out last year.
Last Week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 44-41 (49 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (11-6)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (10-16)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (4-1)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (19-8)
Road Underdogs: 1-2 (10-15)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)
Was It Worth It?
Even though I never posted about it explicitly, I was always very skeptical about the Jets acquisition of Brett Favre. Hearing from Jets fans after the trade the only phrase that came to mind was the Wolf's classic line from Pulp Fiction, "let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite yet."
Now that the season is over we can look back on a 9-7 season in which Brett Favre threw 22 interceptions (including 9 against 2 touchdowns in the fateful 5-game stretch to end the season) and even the most positive Jet fan would have to say the move didn't work out.
The acquisition of Favre cost the Jets Chad Pennington who was always a good quarterback when healthy. he should have been given a chance to work with the Jets other new additions (Faneca, Woody). Instead he went to the Dolphins had a better year than Brett Favre in every significant category (except TD passes, but only marginally) and led the biggest one-season turnaround in NFL history.
But it wasn't what the Jets lost that makes the Favre move a mistake. It's what they got.
A ticket on the Brett Favre carousel.
The Packers had to cut ties with Favre because going round-and-round with him every offseason was setting back the franchise and it threatens to do the same to the Jets.
The Jets desired coaching replacement for the fired Eric Mangini (who deserves about 25% of the blame for this season's disaster and only for not reining in Favre), Bill Cowher, turned down the job, reportedly because he doesn't want to coach Brett Favre, or spend an offseason waiting for Favre to make up his mind.
Also, Favre may hamper the Jets efforts to get the quarterback they want (maybe Matt Cassel) because who in their right mind would go to a team that Favre may want to come back to).
And the Jets don't really have a quarterback of the future on their roster, so they have to draft one. And if they do he will either have to play before he's ready, or spend a year learning bad habits from Favre.
The Jets need to come out right now, today and say "we don't want Favre back next season."
Riding his carousel, or worse bringing him back next year and hoping for different results, is just going to add to the immeasurable pain Jets fans already feel.
Now that the season is over we can look back on a 9-7 season in which Brett Favre threw 22 interceptions (including 9 against 2 touchdowns in the fateful 5-game stretch to end the season) and even the most positive Jet fan would have to say the move didn't work out.
The acquisition of Favre cost the Jets Chad Pennington who was always a good quarterback when healthy. he should have been given a chance to work with the Jets other new additions (Faneca, Woody). Instead he went to the Dolphins had a better year than Brett Favre in every significant category (except TD passes, but only marginally) and led the biggest one-season turnaround in NFL history.
But it wasn't what the Jets lost that makes the Favre move a mistake. It's what they got.
A ticket on the Brett Favre carousel.
The Packers had to cut ties with Favre because going round-and-round with him every offseason was setting back the franchise and it threatens to do the same to the Jets.
The Jets desired coaching replacement for the fired Eric Mangini (who deserves about 25% of the blame for this season's disaster and only for not reining in Favre), Bill Cowher, turned down the job, reportedly because he doesn't want to coach Brett Favre, or spend an offseason waiting for Favre to make up his mind.
Also, Favre may hamper the Jets efforts to get the quarterback they want (maybe Matt Cassel) because who in their right mind would go to a team that Favre may want to come back to).
And the Jets don't really have a quarterback of the future on their roster, so they have to draft one. And if they do he will either have to play before he's ready, or spend a year learning bad habits from Favre.
The Jets need to come out right now, today and say "we don't want Favre back next season."
Riding his carousel, or worse bringing him back next year and hoping for different results, is just going to add to the immeasurable pain Jets fans already feel.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
All He Wanted Was a "Blow Job"
Charles Barkley got arrested for DUI in Scottsdale, Arizona.
Pretty routine stuff and I wasn't even planning to post about it until I read the police report.
Barkley was driving his black Infiniti SUV when an officer parked around the corner (sneaky bastard) saw him roll through a stop sign at 10 miles an hour (what a stickler!).
As the cop pulled out to get behind Barkley, a female got into Barkley's car.
The cop pulled him over, said Barkley smelled of alcohol and looked like he had been drinking. Barkley admitted to drinking, telling the cop he didn't want to give him a "bullshit answer."
After field sobriety tests, Barkley refused the breathalyzer saying his bodyguard advised him not to take one. The cop arrested him, brought him in, had the car towed and impounded the handgun that was later found in the car.
Pretty routine, until back at the station Barkley starts talking.
He told the cop he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl. He asked the cop to admit the girl was hot.
Then he said "I was going to drive around the corner and get a blow job."
He told the cop that girl gave him a "blow job" a week ago and it was the best one he ever had.
Note: the quotes around blow job are taken directly from the report. I guess that's viewed as slang or street lingo by the police.
Barkley tried to bribe a PD employee by saying "I'll tattoo my name on your ass" if he could get out of this. Then he corrected himself, saying "I'll tattoo your name on my ass."
Now I can't fault the man for his pursuit of a blow job, especially if it was that good, but driving drunk is never the answer.
Also, considering how Barkley is the most self-righteous person on earth right now who basically makes his living criticizing everything everyone else does and says, he's got to be embarrassed by this incident.
Pretty routine stuff and I wasn't even planning to post about it until I read the police report.
Barkley was driving his black Infiniti SUV when an officer parked around the corner (sneaky bastard) saw him roll through a stop sign at 10 miles an hour (what a stickler!).
As the cop pulled out to get behind Barkley, a female got into Barkley's car.
The cop pulled him over, said Barkley smelled of alcohol and looked like he had been drinking. Barkley admitted to drinking, telling the cop he didn't want to give him a "bullshit answer."
After field sobriety tests, Barkley refused the breathalyzer saying his bodyguard advised him not to take one. The cop arrested him, brought him in, had the car towed and impounded the handgun that was later found in the car.
Pretty routine, until back at the station Barkley starts talking.
He told the cop he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl. He asked the cop to admit the girl was hot.
Then he said "I was going to drive around the corner and get a blow job."
He told the cop that girl gave him a "blow job" a week ago and it was the best one he ever had.
Note: the quotes around blow job are taken directly from the report. I guess that's viewed as slang or street lingo by the police.
Barkley tried to bribe a PD employee by saying "I'll tattoo my name on your ass" if he could get out of this. Then he corrected himself, saying "I'll tattoo your name on my ass."
Now I can't fault the man for his pursuit of a blow job, especially if it was that good, but driving drunk is never the answer.
Also, considering how Barkley is the most self-righteous person on earth right now who basically makes his living criticizing everything everyone else does and says, he's got to be embarrassed by this incident.
The NFL is Poop - Week 17
No One Wants to Make the Playoffs
Once again we saw another week of desperate teams coming up short, when playing teams with nothing at stake. You had the Bears losing to the Texans, and the Bucs losing at home to the Raiders. How does this happen? Rare for a final week of the season but there were 3 games where both teams needed to win to get in. The Dolphins beat the Jets (thanks to Brett Favre) but the other two were complete blowouts. The Cowboys lost to the Eagles 44-6 and the Chargers demolished the Broncos 52-21. Not the way you should play with your season on the line.
Choke Jobs
Those final week losses completed 3 historic chokes by 3 teams that were sitting pretty just a few weeks ago.
The Jets: After beating New England and previously undefeated Tennessee (on the road) the Jets were 8-3 and in 2nd playoff position. Then they lost 4 out of 5 (and got lucky to win the other one) to finish 9-7 and out of the playoffs.
The Broncos: After beating the Jets and the Chiefs, the Broncos were 8-5 with a 3-game lead in a horrible division. They dropped their next three getting embarrassed by the Chargers on national TV to end the seaseon.
The Buccanneers: They were 9-3 heading into a Monday night game against the Panthers. They got destroyed that night, lost a squeaker the next week then laid down like dogs and got booted out of the playoffs.
I think the biggest choke here actually belongs to the Jets. The Bucs are tempting because they lost 4 in a row, the last one to the Raiders, but their other 3 losses were to playoff teams (Carolina, Atlanta, San Diego).
The Jets on the other hand lost to San Francisco, Seattle, Denver and Miami. But as it turned out the Jets probably would have needed to win two of those games to get in.
Whereas the Broncos could have used just one victory, but expectations for them were never that high anyway.
So congratulations to New York Jets fans, another bitter pill to swallow.
Insult to Injury
As if the city of Detroit is not suffering enough, they now have to endure the dignity of the Lions completing the first 0-16 season in NFL history. Now there may be some hope in the front office which was almost completely cleaned out (starting with Matt Millen and ending with Rod Marinelli) but on the field, I don't see much hope for the future.
Since 1978 when the NFL went to a 31 game schedule no team had ever won 16 games in the regular season, until last year, and no team and lost all 16 games, until this year.
Game of the Week
New England Patriots 13 Buffalo Bills 0
The gale-force winds (up to 70 miles an hour) made this game one for the history books. The winds were show strong they literally blew over the goal posts. When it came to kick towards one end they had to have a crew with ropes hold the goal posts in place. The Patriots tried 47 running plays and only 8 passes. The Bills ran it 35 times and threw it 25 times, but only because they had to. The longest pass play was 19 yards.
Game of Next Week
Philadelphia Eagles at Minnesota Vikings
The Eagles are such a difficult team to predict. The tie the Bengals and hit rock bottom in a loss to the Ravens. Then they win 3 straight and look like world beaters. Following a loss to the Redskins in which they scored only 3 points, all hope seemed lost. But everything broke their way and they destroyed Dallas to earn the playoff spot and a date with Adrian Peterson and the Vikings. And they're actually favored in this one. I think Donovan McNabb's future with the team is at stake here. Maybe Andy Reid's too.
Cheerleader of the Week
Marlina Moreno of the San Diego Charger Girls
Marlina is in her 3rd year with the Charger girls and was one of 12 NFL Cheerleaders photographed for the SI Swimsuit issue (pictures below). When not cheering she runs her own cleaning business, with environmentally friendly practices.
A Brief Rant About the Redskins
A disappointing season comes to a disappointing end with another bad loss to an inferior team. They lost to the Bengals, Rams and 49ers this year, all horrible losses. I still think they have the basis of a really good team here, but they need to keep working with Campbell and make some improvements on defense. But really the talent is not the problem here. The inability to make the key play (on both sides of the ball) was the difference between winning and losing several games this year for this team.
If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New York Giants 24 Tennessee Titans 13
I'm throwing out those week 17 performances for both teams, but the Colts and the Steelers are right on Tennessee's heels. The Giants seem to have an easier road unless Carolina is emboldened by that late season loss the way the Giants themselves were last year.
Once again we saw another week of desperate teams coming up short, when playing teams with nothing at stake. You had the Bears losing to the Texans, and the Bucs losing at home to the Raiders. How does this happen? Rare for a final week of the season but there were 3 games where both teams needed to win to get in. The Dolphins beat the Jets (thanks to Brett Favre) but the other two were complete blowouts. The Cowboys lost to the Eagles 44-6 and the Chargers demolished the Broncos 52-21. Not the way you should play with your season on the line.
Choke Jobs
Those final week losses completed 3 historic chokes by 3 teams that were sitting pretty just a few weeks ago.
The Jets: After beating New England and previously undefeated Tennessee (on the road) the Jets were 8-3 and in 2nd playoff position. Then they lost 4 out of 5 (and got lucky to win the other one) to finish 9-7 and out of the playoffs.
The Broncos: After beating the Jets and the Chiefs, the Broncos were 8-5 with a 3-game lead in a horrible division. They dropped their next three getting embarrassed by the Chargers on national TV to end the seaseon.
The Buccanneers: They were 9-3 heading into a Monday night game against the Panthers. They got destroyed that night, lost a squeaker the next week then laid down like dogs and got booted out of the playoffs.
I think the biggest choke here actually belongs to the Jets. The Bucs are tempting because they lost 4 in a row, the last one to the Raiders, but their other 3 losses were to playoff teams (Carolina, Atlanta, San Diego).
The Jets on the other hand lost to San Francisco, Seattle, Denver and Miami. But as it turned out the Jets probably would have needed to win two of those games to get in.
Whereas the Broncos could have used just one victory, but expectations for them were never that high anyway.
So congratulations to New York Jets fans, another bitter pill to swallow.
Insult to Injury
As if the city of Detroit is not suffering enough, they now have to endure the dignity of the Lions completing the first 0-16 season in NFL history. Now there may be some hope in the front office which was almost completely cleaned out (starting with Matt Millen and ending with Rod Marinelli) but on the field, I don't see much hope for the future.
Since 1978 when the NFL went to a 31 game schedule no team had ever won 16 games in the regular season, until last year, and no team and lost all 16 games, until this year.
Game of the Week
New England Patriots 13 Buffalo Bills 0
The gale-force winds (up to 70 miles an hour) made this game one for the history books. The winds were show strong they literally blew over the goal posts. When it came to kick towards one end they had to have a crew with ropes hold the goal posts in place. The Patriots tried 47 running plays and only 8 passes. The Bills ran it 35 times and threw it 25 times, but only because they had to. The longest pass play was 19 yards.
Game of Next Week
Philadelphia Eagles at Minnesota Vikings
The Eagles are such a difficult team to predict. The tie the Bengals and hit rock bottom in a loss to the Ravens. Then they win 3 straight and look like world beaters. Following a loss to the Redskins in which they scored only 3 points, all hope seemed lost. But everything broke their way and they destroyed Dallas to earn the playoff spot and a date with Adrian Peterson and the Vikings. And they're actually favored in this one. I think Donovan McNabb's future with the team is at stake here. Maybe Andy Reid's too.
Cheerleader of the Week
Marlina Moreno of the San Diego Charger Girls
Marlina is in her 3rd year with the Charger girls and was one of 12 NFL Cheerleaders photographed for the SI Swimsuit issue (pictures below). When not cheering she runs her own cleaning business, with environmentally friendly practices.
A Brief Rant About the Redskins
A disappointing season comes to a disappointing end with another bad loss to an inferior team. They lost to the Bengals, Rams and 49ers this year, all horrible losses. I still think they have the basis of a really good team here, but they need to keep working with Campbell and make some improvements on defense. But really the talent is not the problem here. The inability to make the key play (on both sides of the ball) was the difference between winning and losing several games this year for this team.
If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New York Giants 24 Tennessee Titans 13
I'm throwing out those week 17 performances for both teams, but the Colts and the Steelers are right on Tennessee's heels. The Giants seem to have an easier road unless Carolina is emboldened by that late season loss the way the Giants themselves were last year.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Song of the Week
"Soldier Boy" - The Shirelles
And Papa Poop turns to Mama Poop and says "hey baby, they're playing our song."
And Papa Poop turns to Mama Poop and says "hey baby, they're playing our song."
Inspiration
I'd had this picture of Adam Bender saved as a drafted post for about 6 months, not knowing quite what to do with it. I guess you never know when you are going to need a little inspiration.
ESPN's E-60 also did an incredible piece on Adam Bender.
Warning: this piece will bother your allergies.
Maybe in 2009 we should all try to be a little more like Adam Bender and a little less like ourselves.
ESPN's E-60 also did an incredible piece on Adam Bender.
Warning: this piece will bother your allergies.
Maybe in 2009 we should all try to be a little more like Adam Bender and a little less like ourselves.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Even When He Was Little He Was Big
Hilarious picture of a young (12 year-old) Fat Scat and the ridiculously 80s (hair and dress) Razor at her Bat Mitzvah. Laugh at them.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Good News Bad News
Mello Yello is going to be ok.
But it's going to cost $2800 to fix her.
Now I know the Nissan dealership is a ripoff, that's why I stopped going there for service. But I don't want to go through the hassle of having it towed to another station for an estimate.
He said the problem was something with the distributor (not sure if any Poopheads know anything about cars) but it was going from 6 cylinders to 4 to 3 while I was driving.
A bitter pill to swallow but I'm glad my car is going to be ok.
But it's going to cost $2800 to fix her.
Now I know the Nissan dealership is a ripoff, that's why I stopped going there for service. But I don't want to go through the hassle of having it towed to another station for an estimate.
He said the problem was something with the distributor (not sure if any Poopheads know anything about cars) but it was going from 6 cylinders to 4 to 3 while I was driving.
A bitter pill to swallow but I'm glad my car is going to be ok.
I Think I Found My Purpose in Life
I've always been a big fan of vocabulary, and now I have a new passion, Bro-cabulary.
Here's a brief description of the book:
"Bro-cab-u-lary (n.): A revolutionary new lexicon for bonding with your bros
Put down your BlackBerry, you PDA-hole, and cancel that masturdate it's time for Brocabulary: a bawdy new dicktionary. This crucial addition to your guybrary will put you in the testosterzone, whether you're being fandiloquent at the game or barticulating during a fargone-versation. Find out how to:
Define your stripping point (the precise number of Jäger shots that make a woman want to get naked with you).
Elect yourself the next Abraham Drinkin' and make an Inebriation Proclamation ("Four whores and seven beers ago . . .").
Stop brocrastinating! It's time to become everyone's guydol by leaving your mark on dudescussions for generations to come."
While all that sounds nice, what really caught my attention was the chapter on wingmen called "Winglish." The book suggests that one of the best wingman you can find is the "cere-bro." The bro who is smart and always keeps his head and can talk to women for you. If this doesn't remind everyone of the time we were in Mexico and I was carrying on 5 different conversations with 5 different girls for 5 different guys (ALL IN SPANISH!) then you're not giving me enough credit. I even had to call a girl's house and speak to her father to find out when she'd be home.
Your bro-cabulary word for the day is cere-bro: the most awesome bro you know.
Here's a brief description of the book:
"Bro-cab-u-lary (n.): A revolutionary new lexicon for bonding with your bros
Put down your BlackBerry, you PDA-hole, and cancel that masturdate it's time for Brocabulary: a bawdy new dicktionary. This crucial addition to your guybrary will put you in the testosterzone, whether you're being fandiloquent at the game or barticulating during a fargone-versation. Find out how to:
Define your stripping point (the precise number of Jäger shots that make a woman want to get naked with you).
Elect yourself the next Abraham Drinkin' and make an Inebriation Proclamation ("Four whores and seven beers ago . . .").
Stop brocrastinating! It's time to become everyone's guydol by leaving your mark on dudescussions for generations to come."
While all that sounds nice, what really caught my attention was the chapter on wingmen called "Winglish." The book suggests that one of the best wingman you can find is the "cere-bro." The bro who is smart and always keeps his head and can talk to women for you. If this doesn't remind everyone of the time we were in Mexico and I was carrying on 5 different conversations with 5 different girls for 5 different guys (ALL IN SPANISH!) then you're not giving me enough credit. I even had to call a girl's house and speak to her father to find out when she'd be home.
Your bro-cabulary word for the day is cere-bro: the most awesome bro you know.
Paul and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
It all started when Grandpy fell.
Once that happened there was no choice but to move Mrs. Poop's grandfather to a nursing home.
That set off a chain reaction of events that resulted in the worst day ever.
Once Grandpy fell and had to go the nursing home, Nanny (Mrs. Poop's grandmother) was left alone, and she needed to go with him.
They finally got all this to happen and it seemed like it would be the best thing for both of them, they'd be together, they'd have constant care and Mrs. Poop's parents wouldn't have to worry about them anymore.
Until a stomach virus ripped through the nursing home.
Grandpy got it. Both of Mrs. Poop's parents got it and were laid up for several days.
But because Grandpy was 91 years old he wasn't able to fight it off as well. It turned into an infection and eventually pneumonia, and he died on Christmas Day.
Mrs. Poop went up to Connecticut with Chase and Diesel after work on Christmas Day, I did the same after working the following day.
It was good to hit the road because Mello Yello hadn't been driven in a while. Ever since I got laid off I hardly drove her, and even when I started the new job I took the train so she'd basically been sitting there for 6 weeks.
Everythiing seemed to be going fine until Mrs. Poop woke up Saturday morning with the stomach bug that had been going around. She stayed in her room during the Christmas brunch with the cousins so as not to get anyone else sick. But it didn't work. When I woke up Sunday morning, I had the poops.
Because Grandpy died on Christmas Day it complicated some of the logistics of laying him to rest. So it was decided that there would be a small family service on Wednesday (I planned to go home for 2 days then come back for it) where Grandpy would get the full military salute.
To truly honor Grandpy's memory a luncheon was arranged in his honor at one of his favorite places, the Polish National Home in Hartford. We'd had his 90th birthday there and he loved the kielbasa and all the other foods which comprise the Polish plate.
But because I woke up so sick Sunday morning I decided to skip the lunch just go home. I packed my car and headed out. When I stopped for gas (always shut off your motor) I couldn't get Mello Yello to start. I called Triple A but Mrs. Poop's dad suggested I try starting it with the car in neutral. It worked. But I foolishly decided to try to get it home, instead of having it fixed locally.
I made it three-quarters of the way home but I could tell there was something wrong. Every time I stepped on the gas the car shook. The RPM needle was fluttering. When I slowed to exit 684 and get onto 287, I couldn't get her back up to speed. She basically shut off and I rolled her to a stop in a very precarious position on a small shoulder between the highway and an exit ramp.
Once again I called Triple A, but they couldn't take me off the highway. Another tow truck got me off the highway, took me to a shopping center, then finally the Triple A truck came, and was able to bring me all the way to New Jersey. But this ordeal took about 5 hours.
It just so happens that in the same Stop N Shop parking lot where I was waiting in White Plains, NY another Triple A customer called because she was locked out of her car. So after getting my car on the flatbed the driver had to jimmy her door open. And as we were pulling away another person flagged down the tow truck, because his battery died and he needed a jump. So at least someone benefitted from my misfortune.
Right now Mello Yello sits at the Nissan dealer, the same dealer I stopped going to for service because they ripped me off the last time (charging me $100 to change a headlight).
And when I called Mrs. Poop to tell her what happened, I learned that Nanny fainted at the lunch and had to be taken to the emergency room and spent the night in the hospital.
Not a good way to go into a brand new year.
Once that happened there was no choice but to move Mrs. Poop's grandfather to a nursing home.
That set off a chain reaction of events that resulted in the worst day ever.
Once Grandpy fell and had to go the nursing home, Nanny (Mrs. Poop's grandmother) was left alone, and she needed to go with him.
They finally got all this to happen and it seemed like it would be the best thing for both of them, they'd be together, they'd have constant care and Mrs. Poop's parents wouldn't have to worry about them anymore.
Until a stomach virus ripped through the nursing home.
Grandpy got it. Both of Mrs. Poop's parents got it and were laid up for several days.
But because Grandpy was 91 years old he wasn't able to fight it off as well. It turned into an infection and eventually pneumonia, and he died on Christmas Day.
Mrs. Poop went up to Connecticut with Chase and Diesel after work on Christmas Day, I did the same after working the following day.
It was good to hit the road because Mello Yello hadn't been driven in a while. Ever since I got laid off I hardly drove her, and even when I started the new job I took the train so she'd basically been sitting there for 6 weeks.
Everythiing seemed to be going fine until Mrs. Poop woke up Saturday morning with the stomach bug that had been going around. She stayed in her room during the Christmas brunch with the cousins so as not to get anyone else sick. But it didn't work. When I woke up Sunday morning, I had the poops.
Because Grandpy died on Christmas Day it complicated some of the logistics of laying him to rest. So it was decided that there would be a small family service on Wednesday (I planned to go home for 2 days then come back for it) where Grandpy would get the full military salute.
To truly honor Grandpy's memory a luncheon was arranged in his honor at one of his favorite places, the Polish National Home in Hartford. We'd had his 90th birthday there and he loved the kielbasa and all the other foods which comprise the Polish plate.
But because I woke up so sick Sunday morning I decided to skip the lunch just go home. I packed my car and headed out. When I stopped for gas (always shut off your motor) I couldn't get Mello Yello to start. I called Triple A but Mrs. Poop's dad suggested I try starting it with the car in neutral. It worked. But I foolishly decided to try to get it home, instead of having it fixed locally.
I made it three-quarters of the way home but I could tell there was something wrong. Every time I stepped on the gas the car shook. The RPM needle was fluttering. When I slowed to exit 684 and get onto 287, I couldn't get her back up to speed. She basically shut off and I rolled her to a stop in a very precarious position on a small shoulder between the highway and an exit ramp.
Once again I called Triple A, but they couldn't take me off the highway. Another tow truck got me off the highway, took me to a shopping center, then finally the Triple A truck came, and was able to bring me all the way to New Jersey. But this ordeal took about 5 hours.
It just so happens that in the same Stop N Shop parking lot where I was waiting in White Plains, NY another Triple A customer called because she was locked out of her car. So after getting my car on the flatbed the driver had to jimmy her door open. And as we were pulling away another person flagged down the tow truck, because his battery died and he needed a jump. So at least someone benefitted from my misfortune.
Right now Mello Yello sits at the Nissan dealer, the same dealer I stopped going to for service because they ripped me off the last time (charging me $100 to change a headlight).
And when I called Mrs. Poop to tell her what happened, I learned that Nanny fainted at the lunch and had to be taken to the emergency room and spent the night in the hospital.
Not a good way to go into a brand new year.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
One Bad Apple
Sometimes the actions of few, or even one bad individual can taint an entire race or group of people.
Jews who have spent the last 60 years calling all Germans "krauts" may now get a small taste of their own medicine.
Disgraced investment guru Bernard Madoff is accused of orchestrating a $50 billion Ponzi scheme.
No, I'm not comparing him to Hitler, I'm just using an extreme example to illustrate my point.
Even though Madoff stole the majority of his money from fellow Jews and ruining several Jewish charities in the process, Madoff enforced some of the worst steretypes about Jews.
While delivering shockingly great returns for his clients, Madoff earned the nickname "The Jewish T-Bill."
But now that Madoff's fund collapsed and all the money is gone those in the community fear this case is fanning vicious stereotypes about Jews that go back to the Middle Ages.
The Anti-Defamation League cites a spike in anti-Semitic comments online after Madoff's Dec. 11 arrest. A columnist for the Israeli newspaper Haaretz lamented the case as "the answer to every Jew-hater's wish list."
And the American Jewish Committee's executive director, David A. Harris, wrote a letter to The New York Times criticizing what he saw as "a striking emphasis" on Madoff's faith in one of the paper's many stories about the scandal.
The case is "fodder for the bigots," Abraham H. Foxman, the ADL's national director, said in an interview this week with The Associated Press. "It's both embarrassing and it's painful."
*****
It's difficult to describe the case in any detail without mentioning Madoff's religion. The 70-year-old money manager and former Nasdaq stock market chairman donated hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, much of it to Jewish causes. And many of the known victims of his business, Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities, are big names in Jewish life.
Yeshiva University, one of the nation's foremost Jewish institutions of higher education, lost $110 million; Hadassah, the Women's Zionist Organization of America, lost $90 million; director Steven Spielberg's Wunderkinder Foundation acknowledged unspecified losses; and a $15 million foundation established by Holocaust survivor and writer Elie Wiesel was wiped out. Jewish federations and hospitals have lost millions and some foundations have had to close.
*****
Adding to the sense of betrayal in the allegations against Madoff are worries about whether they feed into centuries-old, ugly caricatures of Jews.
Since Jews served as lenders in medieval Europe, where they were barred from many other occupations, they have sometimes been portrayed as miserly, greedy and obsessed with money. In just one example, Shakespeare's Shylock, the Jewish character who demands a pound of flesh in payment for a loan in "The Merchant of Venice," has become synonymous with usury.
Anti-Semitic broadsides have peppered the Internet in the wake of Madoff's arrest, some in highly visible public-comment sections of popular news sites.
Some get removed by the sites' administrators or draw replies noting there are bad apples of all creeds and in all walks of life. Victims also extend to all creeds and walks of life — banks, insurers, pension funds and even the International Olympic Committee are among those who say they've been taken by Madoff.
Still, the scandal has reverberated throughout the Jewish community. This week, representatives of about three dozen Jewish foundations met in New York City to come up with a plan to help Jewish nonprofits that lost money with Madoff, said Jeffrey Solomon, president of the Andrea and Charles Bronfman Philanthropies. Solomon said the foundations agreed to contribute to a pool of money that will be distributed to hard-hit organizations.
Normally stereotypes such as the Irish are dunks, or black people like fried chicken are mostly harmless. But the reason this one hurts so much is because this is the exact rationalization Hitler gave to the Germans when explaining the need to exterminate all Jews. And 70 years later our own people are living down to Hitler's opinion of us.
Jews who have spent the last 60 years calling all Germans "krauts" may now get a small taste of their own medicine.
Disgraced investment guru Bernard Madoff is accused of orchestrating a $50 billion Ponzi scheme.
No, I'm not comparing him to Hitler, I'm just using an extreme example to illustrate my point.
Even though Madoff stole the majority of his money from fellow Jews and ruining several Jewish charities in the process, Madoff enforced some of the worst steretypes about Jews.
While delivering shockingly great returns for his clients, Madoff earned the nickname "The Jewish T-Bill."
But now that Madoff's fund collapsed and all the money is gone those in the community fear this case is fanning vicious stereotypes about Jews that go back to the Middle Ages.
The Anti-Defamation League cites a spike in anti-Semitic comments online after Madoff's Dec. 11 arrest. A columnist for the Israeli newspaper Haaretz lamented the case as "the answer to every Jew-hater's wish list."
And the American Jewish Committee's executive director, David A. Harris, wrote a letter to The New York Times criticizing what he saw as "a striking emphasis" on Madoff's faith in one of the paper's many stories about the scandal.
The case is "fodder for the bigots," Abraham H. Foxman, the ADL's national director, said in an interview this week with The Associated Press. "It's both embarrassing and it's painful."
*****
It's difficult to describe the case in any detail without mentioning Madoff's religion. The 70-year-old money manager and former Nasdaq stock market chairman donated hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, much of it to Jewish causes. And many of the known victims of his business, Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities, are big names in Jewish life.
Yeshiva University, one of the nation's foremost Jewish institutions of higher education, lost $110 million; Hadassah, the Women's Zionist Organization of America, lost $90 million; director Steven Spielberg's Wunderkinder Foundation acknowledged unspecified losses; and a $15 million foundation established by Holocaust survivor and writer Elie Wiesel was wiped out. Jewish federations and hospitals have lost millions and some foundations have had to close.
*****
Adding to the sense of betrayal in the allegations against Madoff are worries about whether they feed into centuries-old, ugly caricatures of Jews.
Since Jews served as lenders in medieval Europe, where they were barred from many other occupations, they have sometimes been portrayed as miserly, greedy and obsessed with money. In just one example, Shakespeare's Shylock, the Jewish character who demands a pound of flesh in payment for a loan in "The Merchant of Venice," has become synonymous with usury.
Anti-Semitic broadsides have peppered the Internet in the wake of Madoff's arrest, some in highly visible public-comment sections of popular news sites.
Some get removed by the sites' administrators or draw replies noting there are bad apples of all creeds and in all walks of life. Victims also extend to all creeds and walks of life — banks, insurers, pension funds and even the International Olympic Committee are among those who say they've been taken by Madoff.
Still, the scandal has reverberated throughout the Jewish community. This week, representatives of about three dozen Jewish foundations met in New York City to come up with a plan to help Jewish nonprofits that lost money with Madoff, said Jeffrey Solomon, president of the Andrea and Charles Bronfman Philanthropies. Solomon said the foundations agreed to contribute to a pool of money that will be distributed to hard-hit organizations.
Normally stereotypes such as the Irish are dunks, or black people like fried chicken are mostly harmless. But the reason this one hurts so much is because this is the exact rationalization Hitler gave to the Germans when explaining the need to exterminate all Jews. And 70 years later our own people are living down to Hitler's opinion of us.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Maybe He Got Teased to Death
Actors who become so associated with a certain role that they can't find another job, or even walk down the street without being reminded of that one character they once played.
This phenomenon sent Michael Richards on a racially charged rant.
I fear it may have driven John Costelloe to suicide.
Costelloe played Jim Witowski on the Sopranos, but he was better known to his fans as "Johnny Cakes."
His love affair with Gay Yankee fan Vito Spadafore became one of the show's most enduring storylines.
New York police confirm that John Costelloe's body was found Dec. 18 in his Brooklyn home, an apparent suicide.
This phenomenon sent Michael Richards on a racially charged rant.
I fear it may have driven John Costelloe to suicide.
Costelloe played Jim Witowski on the Sopranos, but he was better known to his fans as "Johnny Cakes."
His love affair with Gay Yankee fan Vito Spadafore became one of the show's most enduring storylines.
New York police confirm that John Costelloe's body was found Dec. 18 in his Brooklyn home, an apparent suicide.
UFC Picks
The UFC usually saves its best card for its year-end show and this year is no different. On the card for UFC 92 is Forrest Griffin vs. Rashad Evans, Antonio "Minotauro" Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Frank Mir and Wanderlei Silva vs. Quinton "Rampage" Jackson.
NOTE: I will not be able to watch the show until Monday night at the earliest. The mother fucker who ruins even the slightest bit of the action for me will get put in a Peruvian necktie. That means no text messsages SCZA. Thank you for respecting my wishies.
All three fights could main event a PPV card. I think they're all more intriguing than the main event at UFC 93, Rich Franklin vs. Dan Henderson.
I made my picks (complete with method and time of victory) for our Fantasy UFC game e-mail me if you want it, but I happened to see the odds on the fights and thought I would post my thoughts here.
Wanderlei Silva is a 6:5 favorite over Rampage Jackson. I'll take Silva in this one. Both guys are strikers who hit very hard. But Rampage seems to be too much of a wildman. He'd still be champion if he had a better strategy against Griffin instead of standing there and let Griffin chop his legs out. And following his subsequent mental breakdown I can't be certain how much Rampage wants to fight.
Minotauro Nogueira is a 7:2 favorite over Frank Mir.
I was really surprised that Mir this big of an underdog. I do expect Nogueira to win because he has great jewjitsu especially for a man of his size, but I really thought this one would have been a near coin-flip.
Forrst Griffin is a 7:5 favorite over Rashad Evans. I really like Evans. I think some MMA purists don't like him but he has much more skills than Griffin. Griffin is great but I'm not sure he'll be able to do any damage to Evans who should be able to the fight he wants, which is usually the recipe for victory.
NOTE: I will not be able to watch the show until Monday night at the earliest. The mother fucker who ruins even the slightest bit of the action for me will get put in a Peruvian necktie. That means no text messsages SCZA. Thank you for respecting my wishies.
All three fights could main event a PPV card. I think they're all more intriguing than the main event at UFC 93, Rich Franklin vs. Dan Henderson.
I made my picks (complete with method and time of victory) for our Fantasy UFC game e-mail me if you want it, but I happened to see the odds on the fights and thought I would post my thoughts here.
Wanderlei Silva is a 6:5 favorite over Rampage Jackson. I'll take Silva in this one. Both guys are strikers who hit very hard. But Rampage seems to be too much of a wildman. He'd still be champion if he had a better strategy against Griffin instead of standing there and let Griffin chop his legs out. And following his subsequent mental breakdown I can't be certain how much Rampage wants to fight.
Minotauro Nogueira is a 7:2 favorite over Frank Mir.
I was really surprised that Mir this big of an underdog. I do expect Nogueira to win because he has great jewjitsu especially for a man of his size, but I really thought this one would have been a near coin-flip.
Forrst Griffin is a 7:5 favorite over Rashad Evans. I really like Evans. I think some MMA purists don't like him but he has much more skills than Griffin. Griffin is great but I'm not sure he'll be able to do any damage to Evans who should be able to the fight he wants, which is usually the recipe for victory.
TON's Golden Shower Movies Are a Little Different
During Notre Dame's Hawaii Bowl win over a Hawaii a Notre Dame player got hit so that paint came flying off his helmet. Dave Pasch's description of the play was a little misleading however.
Story Suggested by Pizza Parlor Derek
PPD texted me to tell me about the Golden Shower but I never got his text. My cell phone does this weird thing sometimes. It's on and it looks normal but it can't send or receive texts or phone calls. So I never know it's not working until I try to use it, which is usually never. When I tried to make a call and it didn't work I just turned it off, then on again, like rebooting a computer, and in came PPD's text, 2 days late.
Story Suggested by Pizza Parlor Derek
PPD texted me to tell me about the Golden Shower but I never got his text. My cell phone does this weird thing sometimes. It's on and it looks normal but it can't send or receive texts or phone calls. So I never know it's not working until I try to use it, which is usually never. When I tried to make a call and it didn't work I just turned it off, then on again, like rebooting a computer, and in came PPD's text, 2 days late.
Weekly Picks
My temporary cold streak has degenerated into a season-derailing slump. I've got one week to pick myself up before the playoffs begin and I think I have just the best bet to do it.
oakland +13 TAMPA BAY
Seems like something is seriously wrong with the Bucs. And the Raiders seem to have a good deal of fight left in them.
detroit +9 1/2 GREEN BAY
Of all the teams with their lives on the line this week I think the Lions have the most to play for. They don't want to be the only 0-16 team in NFL history. And they have played a lot of close games this season. It doesn't seem like they have given up and resigned to their fate.
chicago +2 1/2 HOUSTON
The Bears still have a chance here. It's not impossible for the Giants to beat the Vikings which would give the Bears the division title if they can win their own game. Houston is incredibly overrated.
new england -6 1/2 BUFFALO
There are a lot of teams in the league that will lose even when they have everything in the world to play for. The Patriots are not one of them.
BEST BET
ARIZONA -6 seattle
The Cardinals do not want to go into the playoffs like this. I expect them to do their best to restart their offense and they should win by a touchdown at home against a bad team.
Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 41-39 (45 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (10-6)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (9-16)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (4-1)
Road Favorites: 2-1 (18-8)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (9-13)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)
oakland +13 TAMPA BAY
Seems like something is seriously wrong with the Bucs. And the Raiders seem to have a good deal of fight left in them.
detroit +9 1/2 GREEN BAY
Of all the teams with their lives on the line this week I think the Lions have the most to play for. They don't want to be the only 0-16 team in NFL history. And they have played a lot of close games this season. It doesn't seem like they have given up and resigned to their fate.
chicago +2 1/2 HOUSTON
The Bears still have a chance here. It's not impossible for the Giants to beat the Vikings which would give the Bears the division title if they can win their own game. Houston is incredibly overrated.
new england -6 1/2 BUFFALO
There are a lot of teams in the league that will lose even when they have everything in the world to play for. The Patriots are not one of them.
BEST BET
ARIZONA -6 seattle
The Cardinals do not want to go into the playoffs like this. I expect them to do their best to restart their offense and they should win by a touchdown at home against a bad team.
Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 41-39 (45 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (10-6)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (9-16)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (4-1)
Road Favorites: 2-1 (18-8)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (9-13)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)
Friday, December 26, 2008
Race War
When Rashad Evans and Forrest Griffin meet in the Octagon at UFC 92 they'll be fighting more than each other. They'll also be grappling with racial stereotypes that have existed since even before Jackie Robinson broke baseball's color line. Each of them embodies all the traits (both good and bad) athletes of their race are perceived to possess.
Let's start with the black guy, Rashad Evans. He's immensely talented and has all the physical gifts. He has tremendous speed and power and he moves so effortlessly it almost seems as if he's floating. In fact, the way he moves, coupled with the confident way he talks and acts, has earned him that other tag for black athletes, "arrogant."
That stands in stark contrast to Forrest Griffin who despite being champion of one of the most talent-laden weight classes in the UFC is self-deprecating to a fault. Not only that, Griffin clearly lacks the physical gifts of some of his peers (a simple comparison of physiques will that you that much) and instead he gets by on guts and guile. Griffin's best strategy is often to use his face to injure his opponents' fists. Several times Griffin has endured so much punishment that his opponent wore out, and Griffin emerged from the fight with a win, and a face that made you say "if he won, I'd hate to see the other guy."
The enduring post-fight image of each fighter just as perfectly illustrates what I'm trying to say. There's Rashad Evans, casually wiping the sweat from his brow as if to say "ain't no thang." And there's Griffin, arms raised triumphantly, bloodied, but not beaten.
You've got physical gifts and arrogance of the black guy against the humble white guy who gets by on heart.
Who'll win out? Probably the guy who bucks the stereotype.
Let's start with the black guy, Rashad Evans. He's immensely talented and has all the physical gifts. He has tremendous speed and power and he moves so effortlessly it almost seems as if he's floating. In fact, the way he moves, coupled with the confident way he talks and acts, has earned him that other tag for black athletes, "arrogant."
That stands in stark contrast to Forrest Griffin who despite being champion of one of the most talent-laden weight classes in the UFC is self-deprecating to a fault. Not only that, Griffin clearly lacks the physical gifts of some of his peers (a simple comparison of physiques will that you that much) and instead he gets by on guts and guile. Griffin's best strategy is often to use his face to injure his opponents' fists. Several times Griffin has endured so much punishment that his opponent wore out, and Griffin emerged from the fight with a win, and a face that made you say "if he won, I'd hate to see the other guy."
The enduring post-fight image of each fighter just as perfectly illustrates what I'm trying to say. There's Rashad Evans, casually wiping the sweat from his brow as if to say "ain't no thang." And there's Griffin, arms raised triumphantly, bloodied, but not beaten.
You've got physical gifts and arrogance of the black guy against the humble white guy who gets by on heart.
Who'll win out? Probably the guy who bucks the stereotype.
You've Got To Admire Their Ingenuity
High school kids in Maryland have invented a new game called "Speed Camera Pimping."
Here's how it works: find a teacher or student you don't like and take down his or her license plate number.
Go home and create a high quality digital reproduction of the license plate.
Print it on glossy paper and affix it over your real license plate.
Drive through a known traffic camera at a speed in excess of the limit.
Laugh when your target gets a ticket in the mail.
These pesky kids even used the same model or the same color car to make their prank more convincing.
Here's how it works: find a teacher or student you don't like and take down his or her license plate number.
Go home and create a high quality digital reproduction of the license plate.
Print it on glossy paper and affix it over your real license plate.
Drive through a known traffic camera at a speed in excess of the limit.
Laugh when your target gets a ticket in the mail.
These pesky kids even used the same model or the same color car to make their prank more convincing.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Don't Forget What I Said About the Clown Car
Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar added another member to their ridiculously engorged family, little Jordyn-Grace joins her 17 brothers and sisters in this nuclear (explosion) family.
I won't go into all the details again but this continues a disturbing trend of people procreating irresponsibly in the pursuit of a show on the Discovery Channel. Add the Duggars, Jon and Kate and the two dikes who each had twins to the growing list of people who became famous doing things with their uteruses they probably shouldn't have done.
I won't go into all the details again but this continues a disturbing trend of people procreating irresponsibly in the pursuit of a show on the Discovery Channel. Add the Duggars, Jon and Kate and the two dikes who each had twins to the growing list of people who became famous doing things with their uteruses they probably shouldn't have done.
The NFL is Poop - Week 16
Desperate Times Call for Desperate Teams -- To Lose Anyway
There five games pitting teams that needed to win to boost their playoff chances and against teams that were mathematically eliminated. Of those teams only the Dolphins and Bears won (and not convincingly) but the Broncos (to the Bills), the Jets (to the Seahawks) and the Eagles (to the Redskins) all lost. It makes no sense, but it should once again prove to you that those television talking heads who preach about the "desperate" team, are dead wrong.
Run Out of Town
In the Old West there would be a shootout at the corral and the losing Cowboy would be run out of town, never to return again. That's sort of what happened to the Dallas Cowboys who will likely never play in Texas Stadium again. When the Cowboys scored with four minutes left to cut the lead to 19-17, that's when the Ravens ran them out of town. Next play, Willis McGahee runs for a 77-yard touchdown. The Cowboys offense picks the defense up with a 2-minute touchdown drive to get back within 2 points. Next play, Leron McClain runs for an 82-yard touchdown. And pretty much knocked Dallas out of the playoffs an into their new billion dollar stadium.
One Game From History
The Detroit Lions are about to do it. If they can't beat the Packers on Sunday they will be the first team in NFL history to go 0-16. What's interesting about this is that the Lions don't really have a good excuse. The Tampa Bay Bucs were an expansion team. Some other all-time bad teams lost key players to injury. Sure the Lions have had quarterback trouble, and they traded Roy Williams midseason, but they're just brutally bad. But maybe this all-time worst season will encourage the owners to completely clean house and bring in a team of executives and coaches who can turn this thing around for good.
Game of the Week
New York Giants 34 Carolina Panthers 28
We would all be lucky if this turned out to be the NFC Championship game. This was a great, competitive, well-played game. Something tells me if these two teams do meet again the Panthers will spend a little more time game-planning for Derrick Ward. Ward ran for 215 yards on 15 carries including a 51-yarder in overtime that pretty much ended the game.
Game of Next Week
Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers
A lot subplots to this game. Most importantly, the winner makes the playoffs and the loser doesn't. Also, it's the last game of the regular season, in prime time on NBC. The Chargers will be looking to make up for a bitter lose at the hands of the Broncos (and Ed Hochuli) earlier this year which torpedoed their season. And finally, Philip Rivers and Jay Cutler hate each other.
A Brief Rant About the Redskins
It's really nothing to get excited about but it was nice to beat a division rival and knock them out of the playoffs. In fact it makes it even more painful that at 8-7, the Redskins could have been in great playoff position if they hadn't lost games to two horrible teams (the Rams and Bengals). Even one victory in those 2 games (especially against the Rams) would be enough to keep them alive, assuming everything else stayed the same. But the real problems with this team were revealed in this game even though they won. They cannot make plays to win games. The offense can't make a key first down to keep themselves on the field. And the defense can't get make the third down stop to get themselves off the field. And that's what happened on the last drive by the Eagles that came up inches short.
Cheerleader of the Week
Alicia of the Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders
Alicia is one of the hottest Asian cheerleaders on any squad in the NFL. She also says she'd love to be a pro poker player, which is a plus and she can drive stick shift in 4 inch heels, which I think is a plus. However she refused to answer the key question asked to all Eagles cheerleaders "Geno's or Pat's?" Her answer was "Both make great cheesesteaks." I take that to mean "you think I eat cheesesteaks with this figure?"
If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New York Giants 21 Tennessee Titans 17
Order has been restored to this space.
There five games pitting teams that needed to win to boost their playoff chances and against teams that were mathematically eliminated. Of those teams only the Dolphins and Bears won (and not convincingly) but the Broncos (to the Bills), the Jets (to the Seahawks) and the Eagles (to the Redskins) all lost. It makes no sense, but it should once again prove to you that those television talking heads who preach about the "desperate" team, are dead wrong.
Run Out of Town
In the Old West there would be a shootout at the corral and the losing Cowboy would be run out of town, never to return again. That's sort of what happened to the Dallas Cowboys who will likely never play in Texas Stadium again. When the Cowboys scored with four minutes left to cut the lead to 19-17, that's when the Ravens ran them out of town. Next play, Willis McGahee runs for a 77-yard touchdown. The Cowboys offense picks the defense up with a 2-minute touchdown drive to get back within 2 points. Next play, Leron McClain runs for an 82-yard touchdown. And pretty much knocked Dallas out of the playoffs an into their new billion dollar stadium.
One Game From History
The Detroit Lions are about to do it. If they can't beat the Packers on Sunday they will be the first team in NFL history to go 0-16. What's interesting about this is that the Lions don't really have a good excuse. The Tampa Bay Bucs were an expansion team. Some other all-time bad teams lost key players to injury. Sure the Lions have had quarterback trouble, and they traded Roy Williams midseason, but they're just brutally bad. But maybe this all-time worst season will encourage the owners to completely clean house and bring in a team of executives and coaches who can turn this thing around for good.
Game of the Week
New York Giants 34 Carolina Panthers 28
We would all be lucky if this turned out to be the NFC Championship game. This was a great, competitive, well-played game. Something tells me if these two teams do meet again the Panthers will spend a little more time game-planning for Derrick Ward. Ward ran for 215 yards on 15 carries including a 51-yarder in overtime that pretty much ended the game.
Game of Next Week
Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers
A lot subplots to this game. Most importantly, the winner makes the playoffs and the loser doesn't. Also, it's the last game of the regular season, in prime time on NBC. The Chargers will be looking to make up for a bitter lose at the hands of the Broncos (and Ed Hochuli) earlier this year which torpedoed their season. And finally, Philip Rivers and Jay Cutler hate each other.
A Brief Rant About the Redskins
It's really nothing to get excited about but it was nice to beat a division rival and knock them out of the playoffs. In fact it makes it even more painful that at 8-7, the Redskins could have been in great playoff position if they hadn't lost games to two horrible teams (the Rams and Bengals). Even one victory in those 2 games (especially against the Rams) would be enough to keep them alive, assuming everything else stayed the same. But the real problems with this team were revealed in this game even though they won. They cannot make plays to win games. The offense can't make a key first down to keep themselves on the field. And the defense can't get make the third down stop to get themselves off the field. And that's what happened on the last drive by the Eagles that came up inches short.
Cheerleader of the Week
Alicia of the Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders
Alicia is one of the hottest Asian cheerleaders on any squad in the NFL. She also says she'd love to be a pro poker player, which is a plus and she can drive stick shift in 4 inch heels, which I think is a plus. However she refused to answer the key question asked to all Eagles cheerleaders "Geno's or Pat's?" Her answer was "Both make great cheesesteaks." I take that to mean "you think I eat cheesesteaks with this figure?"
If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New York Giants 21 Tennessee Titans 17
Order has been restored to this space.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Softening on Secret Santa
I have always opposed Secret Santa and pretty much any other kind of forced gift-giving. No one enjoys it and usually someone ends up getting screwed. So you can imagine my dismay when in my first day at my new job I was drafted for the office Secret Santa. Everyone in the office was complaining about it and it seemed to be nothing more than a perfunctory exchange of gift cards.
Being the new guy I didn't think it was in my best interests to recuse myself from the gift-giving so I grinned and pretended to be interested. When I reached into the bowl to make my choice I selected my own name. I had a fleeting moment where I thought I should just put the slip in my pocket and say nothing to no one. But instead I threw back my name and selected another.
With the spending limit set at $25 I asked Mrs. Poop to pick me up a Best Buy gift card for $20. The Secret Santa provided for some lively discussion around the office for a couple days, with pretty much everyone just bitching about it. But when the time came to exchange gifts the recipient of mine was very pleased, and even I made out well.
I got a $20 gift card from Starbucks. Sure, I don't drink coffee. And it was once my claim that I had never purchased anything at a Starbucks, but I've since broken that streak. I will happily share my gift card with Mrs. Poop and even enjoy a couple of Peppermint Hot Chocolates of my own. But in thanking the gift giver I was able to stir up a good conversation about coffee and working nights and it turned out this whole absurd endeavour actually served me quite well in incorporating me into the staff at my new job.
Being the new guy I didn't think it was in my best interests to recuse myself from the gift-giving so I grinned and pretended to be interested. When I reached into the bowl to make my choice I selected my own name. I had a fleeting moment where I thought I should just put the slip in my pocket and say nothing to no one. But instead I threw back my name and selected another.
With the spending limit set at $25 I asked Mrs. Poop to pick me up a Best Buy gift card for $20. The Secret Santa provided for some lively discussion around the office for a couple days, with pretty much everyone just bitching about it. But when the time came to exchange gifts the recipient of mine was very pleased, and even I made out well.
I got a $20 gift card from Starbucks. Sure, I don't drink coffee. And it was once my claim that I had never purchased anything at a Starbucks, but I've since broken that streak. I will happily share my gift card with Mrs. Poop and even enjoy a couple of Peppermint Hot Chocolates of my own. But in thanking the gift giver I was able to stir up a good conversation about coffee and working nights and it turned out this whole absurd endeavour actually served me quite well in incorporating me into the staff at my new job.
Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,776
I e-mailed Mrs. Poop this picture. And all my shirts are ironed anyway.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Someone Liked What They Saw
The executives at the porn production company Black Ice evidently liked what they saw of Visanthe Shiancoe. They (like some of you) saw the NSFW picture of Shiancoe's cock and were impressed enough to offer him a role in an upcoming movie.
The company's GM said "From what we’ve seen, there is definitely a career for Visanthe in the adult industry," quite possibly in Bubble Butt Barbecue 3.
The company's GM said "From what we’ve seen, there is definitely a career for Visanthe in the adult industry," quite possibly in Bubble Butt Barbecue 3.
Jim Boeheim Gets Tough
After a devastating loss at the buzzer to Cleveland State Jim Boeheim takes out his frustrations on a malfunctioning microphone during the postgame press conference.
[Correction: this happened two days earlier after a win against Long Beach State.
That was the angriest I've seen him since his famous "10 fuckin games" speech.
[Correction: this happened two days earlier after a win against Long Beach State.
That was the angriest I've seen him since his famous "10 fuckin games" speech.
Scariest Thing Ever
Chase just fell down the stairs.
He and I had come home from buying Mrs. Poop's Hanukah present.
She was upstairs getting ready so I put him on the bottom step and let him crawl up.
When he got to the top step I assumed Mrs. Poop had her eye on him so I went to the basement to hide her present.
Then a minute later I heard the unmistakable clomping of his sneakers on the kitchen floor.
I look up and see Chase standing at the top of the basement steps, looking like he's about to come down after me (only he hasn't mastered climbing down the steps the way he has going up).
I scream for Mrs. Poop and she doesn't answer, I scream louder and still no answer.
I run up the stairs and grab Chase and realize Mrs. Poop was upstairs the whole time.
We have no idea how he got down the steps safely.
To see if he actually has learned how to go down steps Mrs. Poop put him about five steps up and went to the bottom. On the first step down he couldn't quite reach and he tumbled down.
Thankfully Mrs. Poop grabbed him before he hit his head.
He didn't even cry.
He looked a little freaked out but not upset.
So how the hell did he get down the stairs the first time?
He and I had come home from buying Mrs. Poop's Hanukah present.
She was upstairs getting ready so I put him on the bottom step and let him crawl up.
When he got to the top step I assumed Mrs. Poop had her eye on him so I went to the basement to hide her present.
Then a minute later I heard the unmistakable clomping of his sneakers on the kitchen floor.
I look up and see Chase standing at the top of the basement steps, looking like he's about to come down after me (only he hasn't mastered climbing down the steps the way he has going up).
I scream for Mrs. Poop and she doesn't answer, I scream louder and still no answer.
I run up the stairs and grab Chase and realize Mrs. Poop was upstairs the whole time.
We have no idea how he got down the steps safely.
To see if he actually has learned how to go down steps Mrs. Poop put him about five steps up and went to the bottom. On the first step down he couldn't quite reach and he tumbled down.
Thankfully Mrs. Poop grabbed him before he hit his head.
He didn't even cry.
He looked a little freaked out but not upset.
So how the hell did he get down the stairs the first time?
Finally, Something Worth Paying $10 a Ticket For
I have been down on Hollywood for the past 10 years or so for its seemingly purposeful refusal to make any good movies. The storyline has been taken out and replaced with either the big explosion or the completely gay romance.
But it recently came to my attention that three movies I would love to see will be hitting theaters within the next month.
First of all there's Marley and Me. Based on one of the best books I ever read (but surprisingly never added to Paulo's Book Club, Marley and Me is about life as a dog owner. As long as the horrible actors (Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston) don't ruin it, it's going to be an hysterical tear-jerker that anyone whose ever loved an animal, particularly a mischievious labrador will love.
On a completely different note there's Gran Turino starring Clint Eastwood. Eastwood portrays a man trying to put off old age by kicking the ass of gang members half his age. His angry at the world mentality calls to mind Michael Douglas in "Falling Down" and his lone badass crusade is reminscent of Samuel L. Jackson in "187." And if that doesn't sound good to you, then you're reading the wrong blog.
And finally, if there's one thing Hollywood usually can't screw up, it's a biopic. Pick an interesting person and stick to the script without too much embellishment, and you should have a winner. It remains to be seen if that's the formula they chose for "Notorious," about Christopher Wallace aka Biggie Smalls aka the Notorious B.I.G. but I'm sure I'll love it anyway.
But probably the only movie I'll see in the theater is "Twilight" because Mrs. Poop has being dying to go.
But it recently came to my attention that three movies I would love to see will be hitting theaters within the next month.
First of all there's Marley and Me. Based on one of the best books I ever read (but surprisingly never added to Paulo's Book Club, Marley and Me is about life as a dog owner. As long as the horrible actors (Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston) don't ruin it, it's going to be an hysterical tear-jerker that anyone whose ever loved an animal, particularly a mischievious labrador will love.
On a completely different note there's Gran Turino starring Clint Eastwood. Eastwood portrays a man trying to put off old age by kicking the ass of gang members half his age. His angry at the world mentality calls to mind Michael Douglas in "Falling Down" and his lone badass crusade is reminscent of Samuel L. Jackson in "187." And if that doesn't sound good to you, then you're reading the wrong blog.
And finally, if there's one thing Hollywood usually can't screw up, it's a biopic. Pick an interesting person and stick to the script without too much embellishment, and you should have a winner. It remains to be seen if that's the formula they chose for "Notorious," about Christopher Wallace aka Biggie Smalls aka the Notorious B.I.G. but I'm sure I'll love it anyway.
But probably the only movie I'll see in the theater is "Twilight" because Mrs. Poop has being dying to go.
Monday, December 22, 2008
I Can't Find Any Reason I Won't Love This Show
I like "Friday Night Lights." I like "Entourage." I like Ice Cube. I like LeBron James.
So I think I am going to like this.
"LeBron James has partnered with O'Shea "Ice Cube" Jackson and ABC for a one-hour drama based on James' experiences as a high school hoops phenom. The series, described as "Friday Night Lights-meets-Entourage," will follow an inner-city 15 year-old prep star who is transplanted to a small town school and forced to come of age while dealing with media pressure, unscrupulous moneymen and the jealousy of his peers.
The pilot script is expected in the coming weeks and, if the network approves, production on the pilot could begin in the spring for a fall '09 premiere. CubeVision and James's newly formed entertainment entity Spring Hill Productions will oversee for the network, while James and Cube will serve as co-creators and executive producers."
And coming summer 2010, the kid moves to New York.
So I think I am going to like this.
"LeBron James has partnered with O'Shea "Ice Cube" Jackson and ABC for a one-hour drama based on James' experiences as a high school hoops phenom. The series, described as "Friday Night Lights-meets-Entourage," will follow an inner-city 15 year-old prep star who is transplanted to a small town school and forced to come of age while dealing with media pressure, unscrupulous moneymen and the jealousy of his peers.
The pilot script is expected in the coming weeks and, if the network approves, production on the pilot could begin in the spring for a fall '09 premiere. CubeVision and James's newly formed entertainment entity Spring Hill Productions will oversee for the network, while James and Cube will serve as co-creators and executive producers."
And coming summer 2010, the kid moves to New York.
How Did a Nice Jewish Boy Get Tangled Up In This?
The greatest Jewish player in Mets history, Art Shamsky is getting dragged through the mud by his bitter ex-wife.
Kim Shamsky claims Art gave her a sexually transmitted disease after cheating on her with both men and women.
In her lawsuit, Kim Shamsky says that during their 13-year marriage Art "engaged in acts of adultery with both men and women." And these escapades included "acts of 'unprotected' sex and deviate sexual intercourse"
Kim says she was informed by her doctor she had contracted the human papilloma virus (HPV).
The suit claims Shamsky continued to have sex with her although he "knew that an individual or individuals with whom he had engaged in sexual relations had contracted HPV or that he had contracted HPV."
Kim, who says she suffered "serious physiological and emotional injury," is asking for $11 million in damages.
Art's lawyer, Pat Crispo, dismissed the entire lawsuit as "frivolous" and insisted Shamsky is free of sexual disease. "This is the act of a very angry ex-wife who has maligned him in the press."
Shamsky played for the Mets from 1968 to 1971 and batted .300 in 1969 when he platooned with Ron Swoboda.
Kim Shamsky claims Art gave her a sexually transmitted disease after cheating on her with both men and women.
In her lawsuit, Kim Shamsky says that during their 13-year marriage Art "engaged in acts of adultery with both men and women." And these escapades included "acts of 'unprotected' sex and deviate sexual intercourse"
Kim says she was informed by her doctor she had contracted the human papilloma virus (HPV).
The suit claims Shamsky continued to have sex with her although he "knew that an individual or individuals with whom he had engaged in sexual relations had contracted HPV or that he had contracted HPV."
Kim, who says she suffered "serious physiological and emotional injury," is asking for $11 million in damages.
Art's lawyer, Pat Crispo, dismissed the entire lawsuit as "frivolous" and insisted Shamsky is free of sexual disease. "This is the act of a very angry ex-wife who has maligned him in the press."
Shamsky played for the Mets from 1968 to 1971 and batted .300 in 1969 when he platooned with Ron Swoboda.
Something About That Mouse Pisses People Off
One restaurant is getting reputation nationwide as a place where wild brawls frequently break out, often between drunken customers.
The last place you'd think I was talking about is Chuck E. Cheese, but police have been called to break up 12 fights, some of them physical, at the child-oriented pizza parlor since January 2007. And that's only at the Brookfield, Wisconsin location.
The biggest melee broke out in April, when an uninvited adult disrupted a child's birthday party. Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant's music stage, where a robotic singing chicken and the chain's namesake mouse perform.
Fights among guests are an issue for all restaurants, but security experts say they pose a particular problem for Chuck E. Cheese's, since it is designed to be a haven for children. Law-enforcement officials say alcohol, loud noise, thick crowds and the high emotions of children's birthday parties make the restaurants more prone to disputes than other family entertainment venues.
The environment also brings out what security experts call the "mama-bear instinct." A Chuck E. Cheese's can take on some of the dynamics of the animal kingdom, where beasts rush to protect their young when they sense a threat.
Amid pressure from local politicians, some Chuck E. Cheese's have stopped serving alcohol and added security guards who carry pistols.
CEC has been tightening safety rules to deter fighting in other ways. In Milwaukee, the store posted a sign outlining a dress code that prohibits what it calls "gang-style apparel." That location also implemented a code of conduct that prohibits knives, chains, screwdrivers and glass cutters. CEC is considering systemwide signs at popular games such a machine that draws digital pictures of customers to let people know there may be a time or token limit. Making the machines more expensive to use is another option, but Mr. Huston says that is "inconsistent with our value message."
In Pennsylvania, Susquehanna Township police are searching for suspects involved in a Nov. 9 altercation at a Chuck E. Cheese's outside Harrisburg. The police department gets called to respond to disputes at the restaurant as many as 15 times a year, Police Chief Robert Martin says.
This most recent assault, described in police reports, occurred after a woman in her 30s approached a 6-year-old boy who was playing a videogame. When the boy went to insert more tokens to continue playing, the woman grabbed the tokens out of his hand and told him to stop hogging the game. The boy went and got his 26-year-old mother, who walked over to the woman. The woman began screaming at the boy's mother, and another suspect, a man in his 30s, grabbed the mother by the throat and pushed her against the videogame machine. CEC employees had to pull the man off the mother. Both the man and the woman fled the scene.
In Toledo, Ohio, four women were charged with disorderly conduct after a melee erupted at a Chuck E. Cheese's there last year. According to police reports, it started when parents complained to the restaurant manager that children were loitering at the drawing machine. The children were Barbie Clifton's daughters, then 14 and 10 years old. Ms. Clifton had come out of the bathroom when she saw a woman yelling at her daughters and her friend.
That touched off a fight between more than 10 people, in which participants punched and screamed at each other. One woman removed the red rope that marks the entrance queue and handed it to another woman, who swung the metal clip attached to it at others involved in the incident.
Reginold Bell, a 45-year-old Milwaukee social worker, says that a child "assaulted" his 8-year-old son at a local Chuck E. Cheese's while the boy was playing in the Sky Tubes, a jungle gym with slides. Mr. Bell confronted the man who appeared to be the child's father, setting off an argument in which the man "used some vulgar vernacular," says Mr. Bell, who reported the incident to the police department.
The last place you'd think I was talking about is Chuck E. Cheese, but police have been called to break up 12 fights, some of them physical, at the child-oriented pizza parlor since January 2007. And that's only at the Brookfield, Wisconsin location.
The biggest melee broke out in April, when an uninvited adult disrupted a child's birthday party. Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant's music stage, where a robotic singing chicken and the chain's namesake mouse perform.
Fights among guests are an issue for all restaurants, but security experts say they pose a particular problem for Chuck E. Cheese's, since it is designed to be a haven for children. Law-enforcement officials say alcohol, loud noise, thick crowds and the high emotions of children's birthday parties make the restaurants more prone to disputes than other family entertainment venues.
The environment also brings out what security experts call the "mama-bear instinct." A Chuck E. Cheese's can take on some of the dynamics of the animal kingdom, where beasts rush to protect their young when they sense a threat.
Amid pressure from local politicians, some Chuck E. Cheese's have stopped serving alcohol and added security guards who carry pistols.
CEC has been tightening safety rules to deter fighting in other ways. In Milwaukee, the store posted a sign outlining a dress code that prohibits what it calls "gang-style apparel." That location also implemented a code of conduct that prohibits knives, chains, screwdrivers and glass cutters. CEC is considering systemwide signs at popular games such a machine that draws digital pictures of customers to let people know there may be a time or token limit. Making the machines more expensive to use is another option, but Mr. Huston says that is "inconsistent with our value message."
In Pennsylvania, Susquehanna Township police are searching for suspects involved in a Nov. 9 altercation at a Chuck E. Cheese's outside Harrisburg. The police department gets called to respond to disputes at the restaurant as many as 15 times a year, Police Chief Robert Martin says.
This most recent assault, described in police reports, occurred after a woman in her 30s approached a 6-year-old boy who was playing a videogame. When the boy went to insert more tokens to continue playing, the woman grabbed the tokens out of his hand and told him to stop hogging the game. The boy went and got his 26-year-old mother, who walked over to the woman. The woman began screaming at the boy's mother, and another suspect, a man in his 30s, grabbed the mother by the throat and pushed her against the videogame machine. CEC employees had to pull the man off the mother. Both the man and the woman fled the scene.
In Toledo, Ohio, four women were charged with disorderly conduct after a melee erupted at a Chuck E. Cheese's there last year. According to police reports, it started when parents complained to the restaurant manager that children were loitering at the drawing machine. The children were Barbie Clifton's daughters, then 14 and 10 years old. Ms. Clifton had come out of the bathroom when she saw a woman yelling at her daughters and her friend.
That touched off a fight between more than 10 people, in which participants punched and screamed at each other. One woman removed the red rope that marks the entrance queue and handed it to another woman, who swung the metal clip attached to it at others involved in the incident.
Reginold Bell, a 45-year-old Milwaukee social worker, says that a child "assaulted" his 8-year-old son at a local Chuck E. Cheese's while the boy was playing in the Sky Tubes, a jungle gym with slides. Mr. Bell confronted the man who appeared to be the child's father, setting off an argument in which the man "used some vulgar vernacular," says Mr. Bell, who reported the incident to the police department.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Spelling Bee Champion Greeted With Congratulations, a Big Sign and Irony
Seventh-grader Michael Smith won the spelling bee at Carmel Middle School in Charlotte.
He then went on to a larger bee involving students from other schools. He finished third.
To congratulate him, the next day when he arrived at school he was greeted by a giant sign congratulating him.
Only problem, his name was spelled wrong. And "congratulations" looked wrong too, but just because the I and O were on top of each other.
He then went on to a larger bee involving students from other schools. He finished third.
To congratulate him, the next day when he arrived at school he was greeted by a giant sign congratulating him.
Only problem, his name was spelled wrong. And "congratulations" looked wrong too, but just because the I and O were on top of each other.
Weekly Picks
Another disastrous week because of one of the shitty New York teams. Games are getting harder to pick as teams with everything to play for face teams with nothing to play for, and often lose anyway. I've got to turn this around as all of my percentages have gone to shit after a hot start.
miami -4 KANSAS CITY
This is the first game that will put my theory to the test that teams needing wins to make the playoffs often lose to horrid teams just playing out the string. I know the Dolphins have a big game against the Jets in Week 17 meaning they probably have to win both to get in the playoffs, but if they do, they win the division. Unfortunately they have had a history this season of winning close against bad teams. But 4 is a small enough number to make me feel comfortable.
philadelphia -4 WASHINGTON
The Eagles are on fire and right now the Redskins are the second worst team in the league though I'm not so sure they'd win a rematch against the Lions right now.
new orleans -7 DETROIT
The Saints are the most predictable team in the league. They will go to 8-7 this week and lose to the Panthers next week to wrap up a season where they had every possible even record. The Lions have fought hard but I think they'll get behind early and give up.
OAKLAND +7 houston
When did the Texans get to be so good that they should be a touchdown favorite on the road? Last week was an aberration, they're mediocre at best. Not good enough to win by 8 over the Raiders.
BEST BET
TAMPA BAY -3 san diego
The most underrated team in the league versus the most overrated team. When are people going to realize that the Chargers suck and worse yet phoned in their season five weeks ago. The Bucs lost 2 straight, but to strong opponents. They'll win this one to stay alive in the NFC playoff race. If they win this one, then they play Oakland next week needing to win to get in. Sounds like a dream scenario.
Last Week: 2-3 (1 point)
Season: 38-37 (43 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (10-5)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (9-15)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (3-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (16-7)
Road Underdogs: 1-3 (9-13)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)
miami -4 KANSAS CITY
This is the first game that will put my theory to the test that teams needing wins to make the playoffs often lose to horrid teams just playing out the string. I know the Dolphins have a big game against the Jets in Week 17 meaning they probably have to win both to get in the playoffs, but if they do, they win the division. Unfortunately they have had a history this season of winning close against bad teams. But 4 is a small enough number to make me feel comfortable.
philadelphia -4 WASHINGTON
The Eagles are on fire and right now the Redskins are the second worst team in the league though I'm not so sure they'd win a rematch against the Lions right now.
new orleans -7 DETROIT
The Saints are the most predictable team in the league. They will go to 8-7 this week and lose to the Panthers next week to wrap up a season where they had every possible even record. The Lions have fought hard but I think they'll get behind early and give up.
OAKLAND +7 houston
When did the Texans get to be so good that they should be a touchdown favorite on the road? Last week was an aberration, they're mediocre at best. Not good enough to win by 8 over the Raiders.
BEST BET
TAMPA BAY -3 san diego
The most underrated team in the league versus the most overrated team. When are people going to realize that the Chargers suck and worse yet phoned in their season five weeks ago. The Bucs lost 2 straight, but to strong opponents. They'll win this one to stay alive in the NFC playoff race. If they win this one, then they play Oakland next week needing to win to get in. Sounds like a dream scenario.
Last Week: 2-3 (1 point)
Season: 38-37 (43 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (10-5)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (9-15)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (3-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (16-7)
Road Underdogs: 1-3 (9-13)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)
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