I'm Pretty Sure He Had the Hottest Date at the Prom

Arianny Celeste is TON's dreamgirl and pretty much the hottest thing to ever hold a ring card. Thanks to her millions of UFC fans always know what round it is.
And no one could blame young Connor Cordova when he took to youtube to ask Arianny to be his prom date (through a series of goofy videos).

The whole thing is actually summed up pretty well in this clip from Lopez Tonight.



The strange thing about this is that Cordova, even though he's only a high school student, writes for an MMA website, and actually had access to some top UFC fighters, which allowed him to get this interview with Wanderlei Silva.

Eventually he did get the date with Arianny, and even got a kiss. But I don't think he got lucky like his friends who went with high school skanks.

A Miscarriage of Justice

In 2006 members of the Westboro Baptist Church picketed the funeral of Marine Lance Corporal Matthew A. Snyder.



Armed with signs saying things like "God Hates Fags" they rubbed salt in the wounds of Snyder's grieving loved ones. The WBC says America is being punished for accepting gay people in the military and society at large.

Snyder's father sued and won an $11 million verdict when a jury ruled the WBC's speech was unworthy of protection under the First Amendment because it was so offensive and personal it was likely to incite violence.

Unfortunately for Snyder, it didn't end there. The WBC appealled and won. And to make matters worse, the appeals court ruled Snyder has to pay those hateful bastards who tarnished his son's funeral, $16,000 in legal fees.

Generous talk show host Bill O'Reilly has said he would foot the bill if Snyder loses again (he is planning to appeal to the Supreme Court).

But even worse, I think I may have to side with the WBC here. They did everything right procedurally (ie, they got the right permits, were positioned far enough away so as not to disrupt the funeral) and I don't want to censor distasteful speech, because the line is so blurry. And if you lose the case, it's standard procedure to be forced to pay the other party's legal fees.

But this one just doesn't feel right, even if it is right.

Erin Andrews Bites Julianne Hough's Style

As Erin Andrews continues to parlay the "horrible invasion of her privacy" into mainstream fame and success she continues dancing.
This week on "Dancing with the Stars," her and her partner Maks (whom she is banging, they admitted as much on the show) performed to Chuck Berry's "C'est La Vie (You Never Can Tell)" while dressed as Mia Wallace and Vincent Vega from "Pulp Fiction."





I understand they are limited in things they can choose when the theme is movie songs, but did they have to do the exact same thing as Julianne Hough (aka Jew-Ho) and Apollo Anton Ohno (aka Apollo Anton Plano) did a few seasons ago. At least Andrews got a little adventerous with it and showed off some boobies.





I don't understand why neither EA nor Jew-Ho was adventurous enough to wear a black wig like Uma Thurman. I mean if you are going to go with a wig you might as well do something transformative to give us the fantasy of a completely different hot chick.

What's She Complaining About, Her Team Won

It's almost trite at this point to make a joke about Philadelphia fans being the worst, the most disgusting, uncouth, unwashed masses on the face of the earth. But I still think it's funny. Funny because it's true.

An Easton, Pennsylvania cop, Michael Vangelo brings his two young daughters, 11 and 7, to a Phillies game for some wholesome fun.
Unfortunately seated right behind them were two loud, disgusting fat drunks. Which is not unusual at a Phillies game.

The pair were rowdy - cursing, spitting and spilling beer. When Vangelo complained to an usher, one of the drunks was escorted out the stadium.

That pissed off the other drunk slob, Matthew Clemmens who announced he was going to throw up.

Vangelo told police Clemmens put his fingers down his throat and intentionally vomited on the 11-year-old.

Clemmens then punched Vangelo in the side of the head, prompting two witnesses, to jump in. One of the witnesses punched Clemmens in the face before he gave up the struggle.



Fat Clemmens was charged with simple assault, reckless endangerment, harassment, disorderly conduct and 11 other offenses. But really can you blame the guy. He's a Philadelphia fan, he probably does the same thing at Eagles games and nobody notices.

But seriously, you have to go pretty far to give Philadelphia fans a bad name. Congrats Fat Matt Clemmens, you're digusting, vile and obnoxious, even for a Phillies fan.

And I think there's a lot of Mets fans who would be willing to get puked on if it meant the Mets would win a game.

Chan-Ho Park Explains a Bad Outing

"I had a lot of diarrhea."

I love Mariano Rivera chuckling in the background.

Cruel Things to Do to Rookies

When I posted the picture of Jason Heyward after his shaving cream pie in the face Mrs. Poop remarked she had never seen that done before.
Then I suggested maybe Mets rookie first baseman Ike Davis would earn the same treatment. After going 2 for 4 in his major league debut that's exactly what happened to Ike Davis though Mrs. Poop insists his shaving cream was delivered in a shirt, not a pie tin.



Another form of rookie hazing occurs with the ball which the rookie wants to give to his mom as a keepsake. What invariably happens is the ball is thrown to the first base coach, who hands it to the excited rookie who inspects it and hands it back. The ball is then tossed into the dugout. Then a wily veteran who appears to be unaware of what's going on picks up the ball, then adroitly switches it with a decoy ball which he tosses into the stands in an effort to scare the unsuspecting rookie who in his excitement may have been unaware of the veteran's cruel legerdemain.

The Mets chose not to play this particular trick on Ike Davis. Instead the Mets equipment man affixed a sticker to the ball and marked it as Davis's first hit.

Other ways veterans bust a rookie's balls (so to speak) include after the game giving the rookie an old beat-up ball, or writing on a ball "Dear Mom, this the ball I used to get my first fucking major league win/hit."



Razor Shines takes it easy on the kid, giving him a congratulatory first bump.



Mrs. Poop's favorite form of rookie hazing comes later in the season, usually September when more rookies are called up, when Davis and other rookies will be forced to don ridiculous costumes for a road trip like when the Yankees make Joba Chamberlain and others perform a traveling version of Wizard of Oz.

The Strange Circumstances Surrounding the Death of Guru

Legendary rapper Guru, the emcee half of the duo Gang Starr died at the age of 43 after a battle with cancer.

For most of the 1990s Gang Starr used DJ Premier's dope beats and Guru's socially conscious lyrics to stand in stark contrast to other rappers of the day who rapped about money and hoes over samples from 80s pop songs.

In 2003 they split up suddenly and acrimoniously leading to Guru finding a new producer to work with, Solar.

And this is where things get strange. Upon his death a letter was released reportedly written by Guru saying all projects and tributes after his passing should be done with Solar. All money should be managed by Solar in a trust fund for Guru's son. The letter also throws in a final shot at Primo, not even referring to him by name, calling him "my ex-DJ." It also hints at a possible book that could reveal the true reason behind the break-up of Gang Starr, and suggests all proceeds from that book should go to Solar.

This is leading some to speculate the letter was written by Solar not Guru. Although Guru was in and out of a coma for the final two months of his life its possible he wrote the letter before that, knowing his death was inevitable. But whenever someone dies it seems money motivates the people close to him line up to fight over his money. I can't imagine any tribute album or anything of value could be done without the consent of Primo, whether the letter is authentic or not.



But forgetting all that nonsense and difficulty let's enjoy the man's music:

"You Know My Steez" - Juice's pick



"Betrayal" featuring Scarface - My pick



"DWYCK" featuring Nice & Smooth - Bill's pick



"Royalty" featuring K-Ci & JoJo



"Mass Appeal"



And one from Guru's post-Gang Starr Jazzmatazz work
"Plenty" featuring Erykah Badu

Song of the Week

"They Don't Know" - Jon B.
This is my go-to song on youtube when I can't think of anything else to listen to. The only thing is, it kind of makes me feel old.
Unlike songs that mention specifc years like 1995 in Grand Puba's "I Like It" and 1999 (95 plus fo' pennies add that shit up) in Dr. Dre's "Still D.R.E." this one makes me feel old because Jon B. is using a huge brick cell phone to talk to his girl, and she is on a pay phone. Remember pay phones?

If I Never See Georges St. Pierre Fight Again It'll Be Too Soon

I have been a serious fan of UFC for about two years now and I have never seen a GSP fight that didn't bore me to tears.

The latest example was his demolition of Dan Hardy at UFC 111. All five rounds were the same thing. He shot on Hardy in the first 30 seconds then held him down for 4 and a half minutes. And on those rare occassions he did get up, GSP wrestled him right back down.

I don't deny his greatness. On a scale of 1 to 10 his takedowns are a 20. No one stuffs them, if he wants you down, he gets you down. And when he gets you down he keeps you down. There is no one in the world at 170 who can beat him when he's doing this.

But I do question the rest of his game. Despite controlling Hardy for 24 minutes of a 25 minute fight he didn't fuck him up that badly. Also, several submissions attempts failed in due to Hardy's toughness but also because GSP didn't finish them.

In his last four fights he's gone 19 of a possible 20 rounds and avoided four straight decisions when BJ penn's corner threw in the towel. If GSP is so great why can't he finish anyone?

I did once see an exciting GSP fight. In this one he didn't take the fight to the ground right away and got decked by Matt Serra who pounded him out in the biggest upset of all-time.

I think it's because of that fight that GSP is unwilling to take even the slightest chance in any of his other fights. Which is good for his record, but not good for the PPV audience.

The Risk/Reward Ratio of Bringing Prospects to the Major Leagues

After years of complete barrenness following the promotions of David Wright and Jose Reyes the Mets farm system is finally starting to bear fruit.

Two of those fruits, Jenrry Mejia and Ike Davis are already on the major league roster, and both contributed to a 6-1 victory over the Cubs. Davis's contribution was two hits and an RBI in his major league debut. Despite these contributions I still think both players and the Mets organization would be best served by keeping both players in the minor leagues until September.



Note: this is now largely a hypothetical argument because the horse is out of the barn.

There are several reasons the Mets player development has lagged behind other teams over the past few years. Bad scouting, pennywise pound foolish drafting (the compensatory draft picks the Mets would have gotten for Billy Wagner were more valuable than Chris Carter) and the underestimation of the value of prospects. But perhaps the biggest factor is a lack of patience with developing players.

There are two main reasons not to rush players: the mental and the physical.

As for the physical, most times players need to learn certain skills as they develop, usually for hitters it has to do with breaking pitches: learning to recognize and lay off them, or even to hit them. Similarly most pitchers have reached a certain point with only a fastball or maybe another pitch, they need to pick up something else before they advance to the majors.

I think this is where the Yankees screwed up with Joba Chamberlain. His stunning success as a reliever early in his career came almost too easy. Except when midges were involved. When he tried to transition to a starter he didn't have enough quality pitches to get major leaguers out 20 times a game.

Most people foolishly attribute Chamberlain's problems to the "Joba Rules" the guidelines the Yankees used to limit his innings. This is not the case. Baseball history is littered with young pitchers who threw too many innings too soon and blew out their arms (Kerry Wood and Mark Prior). Studies have proven that a jump of more than 50 innings pitched from one season to the next greatly increases the risk of injury.

This is why the Mets would have been smarter to let Mejia use 2010 to be a starter in the minor leagues with a moderate increase in innings (he threw 94 in 2009), then next year as a Mets starter on an innings limit of about 170 and finally turn him loose is 2012. That would be the safest approach to building a guy who can be a good starting pitcher for many years to come.



The argument against Ike Davis's promotion is more of the mental aspect since by all accounts he is ready to hit major league pitching despite having fewer than 300 at bats above A ball. Mets fans are very impatient, especially with young hyped prospects and when Davis struggles as I'm sure he will, the fans will boo and blast Davis on WFAN as another Mets bust. Especially because right now the Mets offense is so bad Davis is being called upon to be the savior.

In 1998 the top two quarterbacks in the NFL Draft were Peyton Manning and Ryan Leaf. You may not believe it now, but at the time public opinion on them was split, or at least close. We know what happened since then, Manning went on to be a top 5 QB of all-time, Leaf a top 5 bust of all-time. So how did two guys who were seemingly so close end up so far away?

We will never know the answer to that and that is exactly the point. All of this stuff is unknowable. It's impossible to know if Jenrry Mejia will get hurt, or if Ike Davis's confidence will get destroyed if he slumps and gets booed at CitiField. And there is no guarantee more time in the minors will change anything. But is it worth the gamble? Would you be willing to trade this year's production from Mejia and Davis for an increased likelihood those guys will have long successful careers as Mets?

I would, but I'm in the minority as the Mets and Mets fans once again put short-term fixes above long-term solutions.

She Needs to Write a Book on Time Management

Elizabeth Berkley is writing a self-help book for teen girls.

After a career filled with roles in which she was forced to go topless and portray a stripper or a hooker she wants to offer self-esteem advice.

The actress will be writing "Ask Elizabeth," a "a self-esteem handbook for teen girls" based on questions she has been asked over the years.

Best Tea Party Sign Ever

Thousands of tea party protestors turned out at rallies last week to denounce big government. While the liberal media tries to portray all these people as racist homophobes who compare the President to Hitler (yes, there were some of those, but let's not forget 8 years of Bush-Hitler comparisons) at least one tea partier used a very creative thoughtful way to express her displeasure with President Barack Obama.

Baseball is Poop

The Next Really Big Thing
Atlanta Braves outfielder Jason Heyward seems like one top prospect who is going to live up to the hype. At 6'5", 240 lbs. the man they called Jay-Hey is definitely ready for the big time. Because he had only 200 at bats at the upper levels of the minor leagues there were some questions over whether he had some Pedro Cerrano him ("straight ball hit very good, but curveball, bats are 'fraid") but through two weeks of his major league career he seems to be killing just about every kind of pitch. Through 12 games he as a 1.004 OPS (.423/.581) with 3 homers and 15 RBI. On Sunday he got the first walkoff hit of his career with a bases loaded single to drive in two runs and give the Braves a 4-3 win. About the only time he looked like a rookie is when he got caught with the shaving cream pie bit after the game.



Maybe Rihanna is Giving Matt Kemp Hitting Tips
One of the worst kept secrets of the offseason was the relationship between Rihanna and Dodgers outfielder Matt Kemp. Rihanna attended the Dodgers home opener and did a dance in the stands when her boyfriend homered. Something she was giving him seems to have helped as Kemp homered in each of the next three games as well.




You Can't Have a Hit and an RBI in the First 10 Games of the Season, Cantu!
Florida's Jorge Cantu had a hit and an RBI in each of the first 10 games this year. That's the longest streak to start a season since the RBI became an official stat in 1920. If you go back to last year Cantu's streak of 14 games is the longest since Mike Piazza had 15 games back in 2000.

This is Kind of Upsetting
While the Los Angeles Angels were in New York to play the Yankees a man committed suicide by jumping off the roof of their hotel.

About 15 players witnessed the aftermath of the apparent suicide when they walked out the front door of Le Parker Meridien hotel to board the team bus. The 39-year-old man landed on W. 56th St. at about 8:15 a.m. The Angels' bus was scheduled to leave at 9 a.m. for Yankee Stadium.

Pitchers Jered Weaver and Matt Palmer, according to witnesses, were at a coffee shop across the street at the time of the fall. Angels manager Mike Scioscia said they saw the fall and were shaken up by it.

According to Angels publicist Eric Kay, several autograph seekers witnessed the man's death. The man was not a guest at the hotel, but asked to take a look at the hotel's pool, located on the top floor.

Does that make any sense? A guy comes to the front desk and says "I'd like to see the pool" and they just let him up there? It's like the guy who said "can I please have the room next to Erin Andrews?" and the oblivious clerks didn't even ask what he planned to do with all the power tools and video equipment.

Picture of the Week
Some sights (no sounds) from around baseball on Jackie Robinson Day. A day when all players wear #42 in honor of the man who broke baseball's color barrier. And a day when announcers get all huffy because they have no idea who is warming up in the bullpen.






Play of the Year
This year the play of the Year occurred on Opening Day. Mark Buehrle benefitted from the play of the year last year when DeWayne Wise preserved his perfect game with a fantastic catch. This year Buerhle did it all (or most of it) himself.

I Just Watched a 7-Hour, 20-Inning Baseball Game

David Wright and Jason Bay are horrible. Bay to me represents everything I hate about the Mets. They get pressured by talk radio and the newspapers to sign mediocre free agents and they always come here and suck.

Francisco Rodriguez is another example. Two years and two blown saves in two of the most agonizing ways possible.

Jose Reyes's thyroid problem was definitely caused by HGH use and now that he is being regulated he sucks.

Seriously, why is it so hard to score against the other team's infielders?

Boy did LaRussa botch this game. Twice he let a pitcher hit while he still had a bench player. Then he let Ludwick run (presumably) with Pooh Holes up. They might have been able to win the game in the bottom of the 19th.

Wright, Bay and Francouer combined to go 1 for 20. Frenchy's average fell from .457 to .381 in this game.

This is the fourth longest game in Mets history and the longest one of my lifetime.

Manuel a little more desperate, bringing in Pelfrey. Why couldn't sucK-Rod pitch two innings?

On the bright side, the Mets won. The win isn't as important as avoiding a horrible loss.

And Mets pitchers gave up only 5 runs in the last 37 innings.

The Bane of Mrs. Poop's Existence

The worst part of living in Bergen County is obeying the archaic rules forbidding stores from being open on Sundays.
Now Governor Christie is looking to repeal those laws as a way to generate millions in new sales taxes. I actually think this could work because a lot of people from Manhattan do come to this part of Jersey for shopping.
The old grumps in favor of keeping the "blue laws" enjoy the peacefulness of Sundays without the traffic we see on Saturdays.
But I contend there wouldn't be as much congestion on Saturdays or Sundays if people could shop on both days.
Also, people with strange schedules like us need the extra flexibility.

"The blue laws have been in effect in Bergen County since the 1950s to give our citizens ... one day of rest from the traffic jams, noise pollution and accidents that are a nightmare on Saturday and long weekends," according to Bergen County Executive Dennis McNerney.

The last attempt to overturn the blue laws came about 10 years ago and was defeated by quite a wide margin but I don't think anyone under the age of 70 would vote against it this time around.

The law bars retail shopping on Sundays, except for necessities like gasoline and food. Consumers can't buy clothes or electronics on Sunday, but they can get a case of beer or lunch at a diner.

A Silver Medal And Her

Team USA hockey goalie Ryan Miller played great during the Olympics but still feels the sting of allowing the game-winning goal to Sidney Crosby in overtime of the gold medal game.
But maybe a romp in the sack with his girlfriend, Indian-American actress Noureen DeWulf will make him feel better.

Did Keith Hernandez Get Scolded by SNY?

Recently I was speaking to a Red Sox fan about their awful announce team of Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy. He said Remy was reprimanded for making too many mentions of his outside business interests during broadcasts.

I think a similar thing may have happened to Keith Hernandez.

On Tuesday Gary Cohen said he was surprised to see Keith eating a Shake Shack burger during Sunday's game.

"I forgot my uh my diet," Keith replied.

Gary told him "its ok, you can say it."

So Keith said "I left my NutriSystem lunch at home.

But it seemed like he was reluctant to mention the brand name.

My suspicion was confirmed Wednesday. After they showed a shot of Jason Giambi in the Rockies dugout Gary Cohen commented on his gray beard. Keith said "I don't want to get into details but there's a commercial about that."

It seemed an obvious reference to the Just For Men campaign ("your beard is weird") he does with Clyde Frazier.

I don't know about the rest of you but I enjoy hearing about Keith's outside interest including his dog Duncan, his front lawn and the time the JFM folks called him to tell him his mustache was getting too gray.

Keith also made a TV faux pas, speaking while he didn't realize they were back from commercial:



I just had to sit there and just stare at her.

Thanks for the tip Juice

The Asian-American and Pacific Islander Communities Thank Him for His Efforts on Their Behalf

Kal Penn went from the White Castle to the White House, abruptly being written off House when he accepted a position as Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Engagement. Officially he was a liason to the Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities.
That heady work was not enough to keep Penn from being lured back to Hollywood to play his most famous character in "A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas."
Jon Cho will be back, so will Neil Patrick Harris.
Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, the screenwriters of the original and Harold & Kumar Go to Guantanamo Bay, have already turned in the script.
Warner Bros is planning to possibly shoot the sequel this June, but no director has been hired. There are rumors this movie could go 3-D.
This to me seems like Jon Hurwitz grasping at straws now that he has been one-upped by his more successful college roommate, Josh Heald, writer of the smash hit "Hot Tub Time Machine."
Hurwitz is a talentless hack who made his money parodying his friends for the Harold and Goldstein characters.

Song of the Week

"Today Was a Fairy Tale" - Taylor Swift
The official song of "Valentine's Day." I'm telling you, Taylor Swift is already a star, in five years she'll be a super-duper-star of music and movies. Remember I said this.

With an Ass Like That I Guess We Shouldn't Be Surprised

While researching something unrelated I came across this picture of a girl named Nikki Giavasis.
An asprising actress who has had some roles but nothing major, her ass and her dating history all her biggest claims to fame.



During the 90s Giavasis dated Bobby Cutts, the black former cop who killed his white pregnant girlfriend Jesse Davis.

She also dated Tweety from Next and eventually filed a restraining order against him. She claimed to have poured $300,000 into his career (what did he do with all that Next money?).

She is also one of Shawn Kemp's baby mamas.

She sure knows how to pick em.

A Celebrity Couple I Never Would Have Predicted

John Tesh and Oprah?

A new unauthorized biography of Oprah written by Kitty Kelly (who else?) says they briefly dated while they were both working at the same TV station in Nashville.
But Tesh couldn't handle the pressures of an interracial relationship in the 1970s South.



"He said one night he looked down and saw his white body next to her black body and couldn't take it anymore," one of Tesh's unnamed ex-girlfriends told Kelley. "He walked out in the middle of the night. ... He told me he later felt very guilty about it."

Now that the news has leaked Tesh confirms the story: "Oprah and I were cub reporters in Nashville nearly 40 years ago and we dated for a short time. We remain friends to this day.”

Tesh refused to confirm reports that he wrote the "NBA on NBC" theme song while lamenting his lost love.

Stick to Basketball, Pal

President Obama looked halfway decent shooting a basketball with Clark Kellogg, but he obviously knows nothing about baseball.
The latest of his baseball related embarrassments occurred on Opening Day when he threw out the first pitch at the Nationals game then joined the announcers, Bob Carpenter and Rob Dibble in the booth:



Three big problems here:
1) He continues to call it "Kaminsky Park"
2) He can't name a single White Sox player. Why not say "I didn't move to Chicago until later in life when they had Frank Thomas." Give us something.
3) He throws like a girl. But he did show marked improvement compared to his All-Star Game debacle last year.

The Abridged History of Incorrectly Spelled Jerseys

San Francisco Giant Eugenio (Ay-ooh-hey-nee-oh) Velez became the latest major leaguer to wear an incorrectly spelled jersey during a game.
Velez's jersey transposed the C and S resulting in "San Francicso" adorning his jersey.



That of course brought to mind last year's debacle when Ryan Zimmerman and Adam Dunn wore "Natinals" jerseys.



What's amazing is not that it happens, we all make mistakes, but that these things go unnoticed. How many times does it happen and a player says wait, Cincinnati has 3 Is not just two, as Aaron Harang should have done before take the field in a "Cncinnati" jersey.


I mean seriously, how does no one noticed Adam Riggs playing in an "Angees" jersey. Anyone can tell that just doesn't look right.


And this one is my favorite. Joe Carter, this has to be old school. I am almost positive Mama Poop was in Toronto (or "Torotno") when this happened and she cut this out of the paper for me. I might even still have it in her house. Perhaps if she knew this one incident would start a lifelong obsession of mine about misspelled jerseys, maybe she would have thrown the paper away and never mentioned it.

Update: Reports of Derrick Coleman's Demise Not Exaggerated At All

Near the end of 2008, Derrick Coleman denied internet reports he was broke saying a liquidation sale at his former house was solely to get rid of things he no longer needed, not because he needed the money.

But now the truth comes out. Coleman filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy protection last month, saying he owes his creditors nearly $4.7 million.

He earned tens of millions during his 15-year career but listed assets of just $1 million in papers filed with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court.

Coleman’s desire to invest in the Detroit area after his playing career ended contributed to his financial problems, Coleman’s bankruptcy attorney Mark B. Berke said Friday.

Among Coleman’s ventures is a struggling Detroit development called Coleman’s Corner, an attempt to revive one of the city’s most downtrodden neighborhoods. Coleman defaulted on loans related to the mall last year.

“Mr. Coleman was focused on investing in various communities throughout the city of Detroit by developing real estate, creating jobs and revitalizing business opportunities,” Berke said. “Due to the state of the economy, including the decline in the real estate market, Mr. Coleman’s investments could not be sustained.”

Colemen’s other business interests include ownership stakes in the Hilton Garden Suites hotel in downtown Detroit, a Tim Hortons Inc. doughnut shop franchise and Hungry Howie’s Pizza store, according to court papers.

Coleman filed for Chapter 7 protection in March but only recently provided details of his assets and debts. The Chapter 7 filing indicates that the onetime New Jersey Nets forward intends to liquidate his assets in order to pay back creditors.

Among Coleman’s largest debts is $1.3 million owed to Comerica Bank in connection with a lawsuit and a $1 million loan on property in Michigan from Thornburg Mortgage Home Loans.

Coleman also owes Detroit mayor and fellow Syracuse legend Dave Bing $50,000 from a loan granted last year.

Among the assets that could be available for creditors is an eclectic mix of automobiles: a 1957 Buick convertible, worth $20,000; a 1970 Chevrolet Nova, worth $5,000; and a 1997 Bentley convertible, valued at $50,000.

Coleman also listed two Seadoo watercraft, his $90,000 NBA pension and two chinchilla fur coats.

I'm Calling for a Boycott of Carlsberg as a Show of Solidarity

The workers at Carlsberg brewery in Copenhagen are striking this week after management imposed unfair demands on them by changing a long-standing policy without first consulting the union.

Since the company was founded its workers were permitted to drink as much beer as they wanted throughout the day, so long as they were not drunk.

Carlsberg suddenly and without prior notification instituted a ban on drinking on the job other than during a 30-minute lunch break. That gives them time to pound three maybe four beers tops without being drunk after lunch.

Seems like the strike was necessary to combat the heavy-handed tactics of management.

If this happened in America Poop on Me would sue Carlsberg so fast they wouldn't even have time to chug three beers at lunch.

Btw, truck drivers are exempt. Since it's not advisable to drink and drive and all their trucks were equipped with ignition control devices, the drivers were never subject to the all you can drink rules. And since they often eat lunch away from headquarters they were given three beers to take on the road with them, a policy that will not change. But as a show of solidarity the truck drivers are striking too.

And we should follow their lead until Carlsberg's management loosens these draconian rules.

I'd liked this story if it were just about the beer policy, but I love this story because the workers are striking over it.

David Wright's New Personal Trainer

To rebound from his 10 homer 140 strikeout performance, David Wright is working out with a new fitness guru.



David Wright and The Situation, classic. Seems a little gay too me though ("harder, David, harder") but maybe that's what Vitamin Water was going for.

Story Suggested by Juice

My Best Days Are Over...And They Weren't Even That Good

In a landmark episode of "Boy Meets World" (landmark because it signaled Topanga's emergence as a hot chick from a creepy weirdo) Cory Matthews describes the "haircut cycle of shame."
"You look terrible for six weeks, then you look good for like a day, and that's how you know it's time for a new haircut."
I spent the first 21 years of my life (or thereabouts) as an awkward, gangling, four-eyed geek.
Now I am fat and increasingly bald. Or bald and increasingly fat.



Somewhere in the middle I got contacts, went to the gym and looked good for about five minutes.
I wish I had known it was going to be so fleeting. I would have taken more pictures.
In fact I can’t even find a good old picture of myself to use with his post.

Don't Be Fooled

Don’t be fooled by the Mets stirring comeback from a 6-1 deficit to tie the game against the Marlins.

1) They lost. The Mets have the amazing ability to do just enough to lose.

2) John Maine sucks. I’m not sure his career is even salvageable anymore. This is the big problem with guys who don’t strike people out. They can’t get out of innings. Games always get out of control with him because he can’t strike anybody out. Hits and runs seem to come in bunches against him.

3) They still can’t get a clutch hit. The Mets got their six runs on 2 walks, 2 sacrifice flies, a groundout and a balk. And they could have gotten on more on a wild pitch if the Marlins hadn’t made a perfect play, though I don’t think Tatis should have been running. In the 7th, 8th and 9th innings the Mets combined to go 0 for 5 with runners in scoring position. That includes Francoeuer, Bay, Barajas, Cora and Matthews. And if you notice none of those guys have been with the team for more than one year. So no matter who the Mets get, no matter their past history, they will come to Mets and suck, especially in crucial late game situations.

I Think I Ruined Chase's Chances with Sarah

Chase seems to have a little girlfriend at school, Sarah. The first time Mrs. Poop met Sarah's mom she told her Sarah never stops talking about Chase. Since then I think their love affair has grown (especially since the rest of the boys in their class are pussies who constantly cry for their mommies).
I've had to pick Chase up a couple times and I noticed Sarah's mom was checking me out. The first time I thought maybe it was an accident but the second time she was really staring.
I came home and told Mrs. Poop that I thought she was trying to get a glimpse of what Chase would be in 30 years. That was troublesome considering in a pouring rainstorm I was wearing a t-shirt (no jacket), sweatpants and socks with sandals.
But she must have liked what she saw because this week she told Mrs. Poop that Sarah frequently expresses her desire to someday marry Chase.

Quick Questions

Song of the Week

"Window Seat" - Erykah Badu
The most controversial song in America right now.



I'm totally against cheap gimmicks like this. I love Erykah Badu, and I even like the song but I don't want to hear about art, or sending a message, she did this just to get attention. She purposely didn't seek the proper permits to shoot a music video at the JFK assassination site, basically trying to get arrested.
Two major issues here: nudity in a public place and that public place being where President Kennedy was assassiniated.
First of all, no one should be naked in a public place, it's against the law. Although I don't think seeing a naked lady is going to do permanent damage to a young child I think it's totally inappropriate.
But damn she got a badunkadunk. And I love that she'll totally take off her bra and panties in a big crowd but won't remove her headwrap.
I really don't care about this being done at the Dealey Plaza. I can actually see that being a message, especially in the context of the video (her mock assassination and the words "they are quick to assassinate what they don't understand") but I can see why some people would consider it disrespectful, once again seeing it as a shameless attention grab.

Should I Pre-Order My Jersey Now?

The Redskins finally have a quarterback I can root for. Not since Heath Shuler have I been this excited about a Redskins QB. They gave up only a 2nd round pick this year and a conditional 3rd or 4th next year.

Normally I would be against a bad team acquiring an old quarterback but McNabb only has 1 year left on his contract (at $11.2m) and there is no cap and likely no season the following year so the commitment to him is minimal. That said, I hope they don't sign him to a big extension, which I don't think they will because of the labor uncertainty beyond this year.

It brings up an old question: if your team is not good enough to win the Super Bowl (World Series, NBA title) should you still look to acquire talent to get better now? Is it worth the price to get McNabb to make us into an 8-8 team? Normally I would say no, but for Donovan I am willing to make an exception. Would you rather lose with guys you like than with guys you hate?

My only worry is that Donovan will get killed behind a very weak offensive line. I also wonder what the Redskins will do now with the 4th pick in the draft. There are three top players (Bradford, Suh and McCoy) putting the Skins in a tough position. I think they may draft Jimmy Claussen and let him learn behind Donovan for a year.

If ever a team deserved to be cursed by a certain player it would be the Eagles after their fans’ horrible treatment of McNabb. They booed him the minute he was drafted and spent the next 12 years trying to convince themselves he sucked so they would be right. I hope they never win another game. At the very least if the Redskins go 2-14 this year I hope they win the two against the Eagles.

Idol Chatter

Two big reasons this will be the last good season of American Idol: the talent pool is thin and getting thinner, and Simon is leaving.

Even though I don’t think the talent is as bad as most people say (there are always good people and always bad people) the perception is out there, and with some of the horror shows still left I know why people are thinking that way.

As for Simon, I still cannot stand his inside jokes (leaning on Kara, bickering with Ryan) and insist they aren’t funny to anyone else but him. But I do admit he makes the show in the earlier audition rounds. You can’t have some guy squeal and screech his way through “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and have four judges look at him and say “oh sorry honey.” You need an obnoxious jerk. I’m sure they’ll get someone to fill that role, but I’m sure that someone won’t be as good as Simon at it.

What I would like to see next year is basically getting rid of the judges once we get to Top 12. Face it, they never have anything constructive to say. When someone sings a song too close the original they say “take risks” or “make it your own.” When they change it up the judges say “you didn’t need to do that.” And half the time they are not making sense, like when Kara’s lips are moving.

Of all the weeks I should have loved this one, I mean R&B/Soul with Usher as the mentor, that’s a recipe for Poop happiness, but I was underwhelmed for several reasons.

First of all Usher’s performance on results night was kind of weird and I didn’t even love Ruben Studdard.

Also, the choices of songs were a little off “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted” is a great song but not when sung by a whiny narrow-assed white girl. I still have no idea why Didi was crying. Why was this song so personal to her? And why bring it up then not explain. I have never been happier to see the most attractive female contestant get the boot. I don’t even think she’s that hot, I think it was a version of press-box hot because the other girls are Crystal and Siobhan.

Tim Urban on Anita Baker’s “Sweet Love?” Aaron Kelly on “Ain’t No Sunshine?” Katie Stevens singing “Chain of Fools?” Totally did not fit.

And as much I love Mike Lynche and India.Arie I didn’t think “Ready for Love” was the right song for American Idol. You should pick songs people know and usually up-tempo songs to get the crowd involved. A great song to listen to, but not a great song to sing in front of thousands of people.

He should have taken a hint from Casey James who picked a perfect song in Sam and Dave’s “Hold On, I’m Coming.”

My second favorite moment of the night was when Chase yelled out “I have to pee” and took off for the bathroom and I yelled back “Hold On, I’m Coming.”

My favorite moment though was Crystal Bowersox’s performance of “Midnight Train to Georgia.” I honestly think it was the best performance at this stage of the competition in the history of American Idol. I love that she did it a little differently than Gladys, I love that she had her version of the Pips and I love that she looked like a normal person for once. I really thought it was awesome and I really wouldn’t have a problem if any of the trio of Crystal, Lee and Mike won the whole thing, just so long as it’s not that weirdo Siobhan.

My least favorite moment was when they showed Justin Bieber in the audience. I had been taking great pains to avoid ever seeing him or hearing his songs. Until that moment I had never seen him, thankfully I've still never heard him.

I wish I could say the same about Puffy Daddy, I mean P.Diddy, I mean Diddy, I mean Diddy Dirty Money, what the fuck is that? I have always said that guy sucked, and now everyone has to agree.

2010 Baseball Season Predictions

AL East: New York Yankees
AL Central: Minnesota Twins
AL West: Seattle Mariners
AL Wild Card: Tampa Bay Rays

NL East: Philadelphia Phillies
NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals
NL West: Los Angeles Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Cincinnati Reds

ALCS: Yankees over Rays
NLCS: Cardinals over Phillies
World Series: Yankees over Cardinals
[How could I have forgotten those categories]

AL MVP: Evan Longoria
NL MVP: Pooh Holes
AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez
NL Cy Young: Tim Lincecum
AL Rookie of the Year: Brian Matusz
NL Rookie of the Year: Jason Heyward
AL Manager of the Year: Don Wakamatsu
NL Manager of the Year: Dusty Baker
AL Comeback Player of the Year: Josh Hamilton
NL Comeback Player of the Year: Jose Reyes

Post your predictions in the comments section and maybe you can be like JLeary. I scored last year's baseball picks for him mostly because of his call of Zach Greinke for Cy Young. And I also rule him the winner of the NFL predictions because he got 8 playoff teams right and was the only one to have New Orleans or Indianapolis in a conference title game.

Como Se Dice "Snooki" En Espanol?

MTV has started airing "Jersey Shore" in more than 30 countries.
While many Poopheads -- especially those of us from Staten Island -- have seen people like this everyday of our lives, getting foreigners to fall in love with -- or at least understand -- Pauly D will be a little more difficult.
MTV executives say they believe the “Jersey Shore” narrative is universally appealing. One of the overseas print ads for the show sums it up bluntly: “Muscles + gel + tanning bed = sex.”
“G.T.L.,” or “gym, tan, laundry,” will be known in Latin America, “gimnasio, bronceado, lavandería.”

Compared to other MTV shows “Jersey Shore” is actually easier to promote overseas “because it has a more human element.”
“Tila Tequila was much harder,” he said, referring to the dating shows starring a model.

Proof Lotteries are a Regressive Tax

As much as I enjoy playing the lottery occassionally, I understand it perfectly. The odds of winning are very poor and almost any other method of gambling is more likely to make you a winner.
Lotteries raise money for municipalties. Lotteries are mainly played by poor people.
Which brings me to the story of Bonnie Preece, the grocery story cashier from London, Ontario, Canada.
She won $20.6 million after purchasing two $2 Quick Pick tickets and was so much in disbelief, she called up her sister to double check the winning numbers.
She and husband Bill Rollings can now afford things like a new car and buying their first home — something her $12.30-an-hour salary wouldn’t let her afford for a long time.
“I have $80.17 in savings,” she said.
Asked if she would help out her ex-husband, she turned to the cameras and said, “Sucks to be you.”

A woman with $80 in savings is playing the lottery?
She's an idiot. She'll blow through her $20 million in about a year and be back loading bags at the No Frills before you know it.

And yet poker is verboten because it's a game of chance.

Soulmates

There are 6 billion people in the world and ur likely to meet perhaps 1 one-millionth of them, or 6000 people. Half of those will not be of your preferred gender so you're talking about 3000 possible mates. So the chances of finding your soulmate seem pretty slim.

But I feel like I've been lucky in life because I found my soulmate.

Meet Veronica:



Mrs. Poop is actually something of a misnomer. She hates poop. Whenever I call her to check out one of my prodigious ploppers she refuses. And often makes me turn the fan on to dissipate the smell.

They say your large intestine is 30 feet long. Mine is 31.

Song of the Week

"Smooth Operator" - Sade
I love the smooth, jazzy sound of this one. She is such a unique artist, no one even tries to copy her.

Does This Mean the Average Age at Marriage is 70?

The average person’s sex life ends by the age of 70, according to a report published today in the British Medical Journal.

Men age 30 have an average of 35 years of sexually active life remaining, compared with 31 years for women, researchers at the University of Chicago’s department of obstetrics and gynecology estimated after reviewing a survey of 3,000 people. A separate survey of older people showed that by 55, men have an average sexual life expectancy of 15 years and women can expect 10 more years, the researchers found.

People in very good or excellent health were almost twice as likely to be interested in sex as people in poorer health, according to the study. Men lost more years of sexual activity as a result of poor health than women, the researchers said. That may motivate men to pursue healthier lifestyles, they said.

“Translation of expectations about the duration and quality of sexually active life may, at the individual level, influence important health behaviors to promote or prolong sexual functioning, such as adherence to medical treatment or maintenance of a healthy lifestyle,” the researchers wrote.

In statistics, projections of how long people will live vary according to age. Life expectancy increases as people reach middle age because they have survived risks that earlier in life reduced their chances of making it to old age.

The team, led by Stacy Tessler Lindau, used data from a 1995-1996 survey of 3,000 men and women between ages 25 and 74 and a 2005-2006 survey of 3,000 men and women between 57 and 85. Men were more likely than women to be sexually active, report a having a good quality sex life and be interested in sex, according to the study.

The gap was largest among 75- to 85-year-olds. About 40 percent of men in that group were sexually active, compared with 17 percent of women, the researchers found.

But Michelle is Loving It

The Eastern Echo of Ypsilanti, Michigan may want to hire a headline writer or two from the New York Post. I'm not sure this correctly conveys the Republicans worries about the health care bill.



"Republicans turned off by size of Obama's package" is still only my second favorite funny headline in the history of the Poop.

The Final Four is Set and No One is More Surprised Than I Am

Saturday morning things were starting to look pretty rosy for my bracket. I had Kansas State, Kentucky and Baylor, and can’t believe none of those teams won.

I’m even more shocked that 200 people have all four final four teams correct on espn.com’s tournament challenge.

Butler beat Kansas State in almost the exact same way as they beat Syracuse. They got out to an early lead (20-10). They forced a lot of turnovers (20). They gave up the lead late in the second half (52-51). They went on a run (12-4) to seal the game and scored the same amount of points (63).

West Virginia beating Kentucky to me is one of the biggest surprises of the tournament. I still don’t know how they did it so easily. Joe Missoula picked a good time to have the best game of his career.

Tom Izzo is a fuckin genius. In the last 12 years he made the Final Four 6 times. He’s done it as a favorite, a 1 seed three times and a 2 seed last year. He's also done it as a 5 seed without beating any higher seed teams (this year). And he's done it as a 5 seed by beating the #1 and #2 seeds (2005, when he played Vermont in the second round, fresh off their upset of Syracuse). The only time he lost an Elite Game they were a 7 seed. The numbers on Izzo and Michigan State are just amazing. And since he’s done it with three distinct groups of players he has to have at least some hand in the success.

I'm still impressed with Baylor even though they lost. LaceDarius Dunn and Tweety Carter are awesome, and Epke Udoh is one of the most athletic big men in the nation.

I think they got screwed by a bad call. With 4 and a half minutes left Quincy Acy drove and hit a teardrop over Greg Zoubek. But he was called with a questionable charge. I think Zoubek was still moving. The call completely changed the game. Instead of a 4-point lead, Baylor was up 2, and down 1 a few seconds later.

Duke did nothing to dispel its reputation as a team of annoying white pussies. Kyle Singler didn't show up, missing all 10 shots from the field. Scheyer also looked like a little bitch when he swung his elbows and started a minor incident which inexplicably ended with only Quincy Acy getting teed up.

But I will give Duke credit, they are tougher this year than most Duke teams have been, and their work on the offensive glass won this game for them.

No Negatives

In Chase's potty-training we've learned that negatives are a negative. It should be a positive experience where the child is rewarded for his successes but not shamed or scolded for his failures.
Because the word "accident" sounds pejorative I have been calling any urinary misfires, "Fergies."



Thankfully we haven't had too many Fergies in week 1 post-potty training boot camp.