People From Toronto Hit Kids...But Only When They Deserve It

I've seen my favorite Torontonian hit kids, but never with a pillow, usually a wooden spoon. But I guess when Frank Thomas does it, it isn't so cool.

The people who regulate advertising on private TV in Canada said the Blue Jays must edit the ad before it can air. Public broadcasters will allow it, they have a better sense of humor. But the Blue Jays are not to be denied, they will host Frank Thomas Pillow Night on September 2.

Good Thing He's Fast

Japanese Ballplayers Say the Darndest Things

My favorite thing about the influx of Japanese and Chinese athletes is the way their quotes are often translated into very proper, flowing English. The way I would like to speak if I thought people would understand me.

Dice-K will make his home debut Wednesday against the Seattle Mariners, meaning the first batter he will face will be Ichiro Suzuki. Several million Japanese will stop whatever they are doing at 9 am Thursday morning to watch this at bat. It will be the most watched program on Japanese TV since Jerry Seinfeld appeared on Super Terrific Happy Hour.

In the past Ichiro has batted only .235 in 34 at bats against Dice-K, and Dice-K was still young. Ichiro says he is looking forward to renewing their rivalry.

"I hope he arouses the fire that's dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul. I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger."

Have a Nice Trip

A woman is suing the production company behind "Deal or No Deal", after she tripped and fell down a flight of steps during a taping in February, 2006.

Judy Ann Myers claims that during a commercial break, the show's stage manager instructed her to "hurry up and come down" the stairs to perform in an audience dance contest. As Myers hurried to the stage, she claims to have completely wiped out, suffering "great and considerable personal injuries" all over her body. In the suit, Myers blames her bad trip on bad lighting -- and that there were no hand rails on the stairs.

Now Myers is asking a judge for more than $25,000 to heal her wounds.

Coach Stringer Has Some Bad Luck

Her coal-miner father, Charles Stoner, lost both legs to diabetes and died in his 40's.

Her husband, William Stringer died of a heart attack at 47 on the night before Thanksgiving in 1992.

Her only daughter, Janine, known as Nina, has brain damage from a bout of meningitis as an infant. Nina, at 26, remains unable to speak or care for herself.

In September 2000, her son Justin, then 16, suffered a traumatic brain injury in a car crash in which he was a backseat passenger.

In the summer of 2001 her nephew Korey Stringer, an offensive lineman for the Minnesota Vikings, died of heat stroke during a practice.

Nappy Headed Hos To Speak

Rutgers women's basketball team will hold a news conference this morning. I expect C. Vivian Stringer and maybe one player (probably Essence Carson) to speak.
I hope they say something like this:

"We do not accept Don Imus' apology. His words were hurtful and offensive and we view them as a personal attack. But we do not wish for him to be fired. We hope that he is allowed back on the air and that all the people who detest his remarks will stop listening and watching him. And all the companies that advertise on his shows will no longer do so. That is the only way to show that this type of speech will not be tolerated. But Imus is not the only one using these words. All over America young black men call young black women hos, and worse, and that is a much bigger problem. So we don't want to waste our time worrying about the thoughts of one old white man when a much bigger problem exists. We are proud of the great season we had as a team this year and we deeply regret that our sensational run to the NCAA title game has been marred by and inextricably linked to this current controversy."

Damn Vandals

Street toughs vandalized the tennis courts where Mrs. Poop and I play during the warm weather.
We had planned to give her some pregnant exercise this spring and summer (while I restrained my enthusiasm to hit the ball as hard as I possibly can) but we're no longer sure if that's possible.
Yesterday while walking the dog, Mrs. Poop noticed that the nets on all four courts were damaged, making the courts unplayable. We then saw at least three hoods still loitering near the scene of the crime. We called township police, non-emergency. A few minutes later the cops came by, drove past the area twice, but never questioned any of the kids who were dispersing from the area.
I hope that our exorbitant association dues will help pay for the speedy repair of the nets before the weather warms again.
But I'm sure this will be a hot topic for discussion in the bi-weekly association newsletter that should be arriving wedged into our screen door soon.
The last scourge of the Association occurred last summer when vandals painted the word "death" on park benches. Then an urban myth grew out of it that anyone seated on the benches would die, or suffer the loss of a family member. According to reports, all the kids in the neighborhood were afraid to sit on the benches because of this.
And because the vandals were out every night, our handyman Hank couldn't repaint the benches fast enough.
Let's hope he's better at fixing tennis nets.

The Future of the Poop

You may not have noticed but in the last week I've ushered in a new era at the Poop. It's called the laptop era. Mrs. Poop and I sprung for a brand new laptop, approximate version pictured below. Thanks to a little help from TON on the purchasing end, no help from the tech support guy in Dehli, and a little advice that went a long way from brother-in-law Derick, I have the laptop connected to the internet wirelessly.
I have spent the last week posting almost exclusively from the computer.
The biggest change comes over at The Recap, where my Mets recaps are taking on a more stream-of-consciousness feel.
The best part is being able to watch TV and use the computer at the same time. Not possible under our previous arrangement.
The worst part is that we still haven't found the perfect setup physically, where the keyboard is low enough so that you're hands don't hurt, and screen is high enough so that you don't get a stiff neck.
Another bad part is that I can't really blog and watch poker at the same time, I miss what's happening in the hands.
I can blog during PTI and Best Damn though.
Hopefully you will see a better, faster Poop in the near future.
And that means you mother fuckers will post more comments. The average traffic for this blog is 1000 hits per day and 3 comments.
Bastards!

Let It Go Mets Fans

I really can't understand why Mets fans are getting so caught up in the comments made by Jimmy Rollins during the offseason.
He said the Phillies are the team to beat in the NL East this year.
Who cares? What is he supposed to say?
Was he really disrespecting the Mets? No. And if he was, who cares?
It doesn't put any more pressure on him. It doesn't put any more pressure on his teammates. And it doesn't piss off or motivate the Mets.
And it wasn't why he made an error that helped the Mets to a 7 run 8th inning.
Talk is cheap and those comments were completely meaningless and it's petty to keep bringing them up.
I think every Mets fan thinks the Mets are the team to beat this year. And I think every Mets player feels the same way. So what does it matter that Rollins actually came out and said it?

Dontrelle Can Make It Rain

According to the Palm Beach Post, several of the Florida Marlins led by Dontrelle Willis frequented Solid Gold, a new strip club, at least a couple times per week during spring training.

According to waitress Nicole Spelling:
"There'd be, like, $3,000 in singles on the table. When they liked someone, a bunch of them would just go up and throw dollar bills in the air by the handful. There'd be so much money on the stage that the girls had to get champagne buckets to pick it up. And (pitcher) Randy Messenger is, like, so hot."

And when Spelling's 2-year-old son was sick but the club wouldn't let her leave?

"I was going crazy because I couldn't leave. There weren't enough waitresses and, frankly, I needed the money just to pay my bills. Next thing I know, Dontrelle hands me $1,000 from them all and tells me to go home to my kid. They got permission from management for me."

Thank You Come Again

Denver police ticketed a friend of Carmelo Anthony's after the man allegedly punched an unruly fan at a convenience store last month.
Melo and his friend Rahchine Craig were heading out of a 7-Eleven store in the 1800 block of South Sheridan Boulevard (I leave those directions in for Freed and Amber) early March 18 when some young men approached.
One of them asked for Anthony's autograph and when Melo declined the guy called him a punk and started arguing with Craig.
Craig allegedly punched, pushed and slammed the victim onto the floor.
When asked Friday night if the report was accurate, Anthony said, "No, man. Hell no. We beat Dallas tonight. I'm not talking about that. We beat Dallas tonight. That's all I'm worried about. We've got Clippers tomorrow. Thanks."

Sopranos Returns

Don't read if you haven't watched but intend to!

It was just nice to have Sopranos back. For many years it's been a great way to spend a Sunday night. It felt like being reunited with an old friend.

Other than that, the episode was non-descript.

AJ's facial hair and his new life are funny.

Meadow in a tank top was nice.

All the scenes on the lake set a very peaceful atmosphere, I wanted to go on summer vacation.



The fight was stupid, so was the subsequent pissing match.

So many things they foreshadow but never deliver on. For instance, that the little girl will drown in the lake.



They need to cover Janice's tattoo.

Frank Vincent is still going strong. I watched Raging Bull this weekend.

Not a Nappy Headed Ho

I always thought Candace Parker of Tennessee was pretty cute, but seeing her in a dress at the Wooden Award ceremony convinced me.
Plus she can dunk a basketball.
She is pictured here next to Kevin Durant, the winner of the Wooden award for men's basketball but she is banging Atlanta Hawks forward Shelden Williams.
Her brother is Toronto Raptors forward Anthony Parker.

Closest Thing to a Jew Playing in the NBA

Ever since the retirement of Danny Schayes Jews have been underrepresented in the NBA. About a third of the owners, plus the commissioner is Jewish.
But Toronto Raptors forward Anthony (don't call him Tony) Parker is doing his best to bring chai back.
Parker who spent several years playing (very well) for Maccabi Tel Aviv, the top pro team in Israel, learned a lot about Jewish culture during his time there.
He learned that the number 18 for chai, is considered good luck, so he chose 18 as his uniform number.
We assume he also learned to give a multiple of chai when invited to a Bar Mitzvah and not to whistle in the house.

Juice Loves Nappy Headed Hos

Don Imus is under fire for referring to members of the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy headed hos."
I guess it's ok to make fun of people's appearance but when you are white and you call black women hos, that's racist.
Now every black person and half the white people in America want Imus to be fired.
I hate when people call for someone to be fired.
If you don't like what he said, don't listen to his show. Boycott NBC and WFAN if you are that mad. Make your voice heard that way. I think it would be more effective if they actually staged a real boycott, and it succeeded, it would show how much power they really have.
Imus will not get fired and his ratings will not suffer.

Knicks Still Kickin

I know the Knicks suck.
I know they are out of the playoffs.
I know their general manager and head coach is an idiot.
I know he just got an extension.

But they showed some heart the other day beating the Bucks (I know they suck too) without Marbury (Richardson, Crawford and Lee are also hurt though Lee did play two minutes).

Eddy Curry, Nate Robinson and Mardy Collins all scored career highs (I wonder if that's ever happened before), and Curry's 3-pointer at the buzzer (the second of his career) sent the game into OT.

What Does $1.65 Million Buy You...in Iowa

Former Iowa basketball coach Steve Alford is selling his home in Iowa now that he has taken the head coaching job at New Mexico.
The asking price is $1.65 million (zillow has no data for his neighborhood).
At first I was skeptical of whether it was truly his house until I got to the gym.
If you love real estate as much I as do you will enjoy this virtual tour.
If this house were in my neighborhood, with the surrounding land, it'd be $5 million easily.

The Sad Spiral Downward of Tractor Traylor

Normally, I find long articles and dissect them here to make them more readable for the fickle Poopheads who read this blog. But this one about Tractor Traylor is too good, too well written and just short enough that it doesn't deserve that treatment.

Dancing With Hotties

From the show that gave us Stacy Keibler, a new hottie emerges. Julianne Hough is Apolo Anton Plano's partner on the new season of Dancing with the Stars. Thing is Hough is only 18.
Despite that young age she is reportedly banging Plano who is 25 years old.
Love the Pulp Fiction gambit they brought out for last week's show.

Ken Phelps Would Never Do This

Jay Buhner tries to get a couple Mariners to make the "Pizza Parlor Derek Picture face."

It Must Be Allergy Season

If you can watch this without getting a little glassy-eyed please let me know so I can stop being friends with you.

Not a Good Day for a Sea Dog Biscuit

The Portland Sea Dogs home opener was postponed by snow but someone had a good time building 11 snowmen at the various positions on the field, including a batter and an umpire.
The pitcher's delivery looks a little wooden and the third baseman seems to have lost his head in the excitement.



Every year we catch a Sea Dogs game when we are in Maine. This year we'll see either the New Hampshire Fisher Cats (Blue Jays) or the Connecticut Defenders (Giants). The team will be returning from a trip to Binghamton the week before.

As always I plan to have a Sea Dog Biscuit.

He Never Did This For Us

Mike Piazza broke a 3-3 tie in the top of the 9th with what proved to be the game winning home run off Francisco Rodriguez.

Oliver Perez Gets the Call

The man who will play a big role in the Mets season and in the near future, if he can succeed, will make his first start of the new season against the Atlanta Braves on Friday.
If Perez can live up to the potential he showed in 2004 with the Pirates and in Game 7 of the NLCS last year, then the Nady trade will look like one of the biggest steals of all time. If he can't find the plate (like his problems in 2005 and early 2006) then he'll tax the bullpen and probably cost the Mets a playoff spot.

Dave Justice Almost Cost Me The Chance to See Halle Berry's Boobs

In a recent interview Halle Berry said she contemplated suicide after her marriage with Dave Justice broke up.

"I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming, when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much for her children, and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. It was all about a relationship. My sense of worth was so low. I had to re-program myself to see the good in me. Because someone didn't love me didn't mean I was unlovable. I promised myself I would never be a coward again."

It's well known that Halle Berry has been unlucky in love, starting with a boyfriend who beat her so bad that she lost some of her hearing. Then there was Dave Justice, her second husband, Eric Benet, an admitted sex addict and then Michael Ealy of Barbershop fame. Now she's dating some white model.

If she had really killed herself we never would have gotten to see her tits in Swordfish, or her in that orange bikini in the Bond movie, and she never would have won an Oscar for letting Billy Bob Thornton make her feel goooooood in Monster's Ball.

Watching Baseball

Because the Mets are off Thursday night SNY is showing the New Orleans Zephyrs game. In case you don't know this is the first year the Mets Triple A team is in New Orleans, ending a long relationship with Tidewater/Norfolk.

Game wasn't too interesting, I like to see young players but the lineup was full of guys like Ben Johnson and Ricky Ledee (batting cleanup). I did see Carlos Gomez steal a base though.

A-Rod did it again, or didn't do it again. Bases loaded two outs Yankees down by 1 run in the 8th, and A-Rod pops out. I know you can't expect him to come through every time but he fails more often than not and he's never gonna get over with Yankees fans if he doesn't start producing in those situations.

It's snowing pretty heavily at Yankee Stadium. The shots they showed from the top of the stadium looked pretty cool. I actually liked what Michael Kay said for once. He said it looked like a Yankee Stadium snow globe that someone just shook.

I'm Surprised This Didn't Keep Her Out of the Bottom Three

Song of the Week

"One Shining Moment" - Luther Vandross
2007 edition, congratulations, Florida



And for all you hopeless dreamers out there, here is the 2003 version, in honor of the National Champion Syracuse Orangemen

He Wanted the Mesquite Chicken With Bacon

A coyote walked into a Quiznos in downtown Chicago and laid down in the drink cooler. He didn't order a sandwich, drink a Gatorade or bother any patrons. But still they led him out of there by his neck.

It's Gonna Suck When She's Constipated

The people at Ringling Bros. thought it would be a great idea to give elephants some Matzo for Passover.
Asia (in the foreground) obviously loves Matzo.





Asia loves Matzo so much that she ate the whole box. And by the whole box I mean the whole box, with the Matzo inside it. The handler had to offer her a melon to coax her into opening her mouth so another handler could remove the box.





Asia is pissed that they wouldn't let her eat the box so the clown had to calm her down.

Curb Your Draft Needs

According to NFL Network, Larry David has been peppering Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum and coach Eric Mangini with his opinions about the Jets' draft needs. Last year, David called the Jets' front office and suggested that they should trade up to select quarterback Vince Young. Although the Jets ignored that suggestion, the NFL Network report said that this year, the Jets' staff actually took the time to talk to David.

Idol Chatter

Do they forget that this is a show watched mostly be teenagers and young people?
Tony Bennett week?!

Mack the Knife is an awesome song but I don't really like the way Blake did it. I did think it was funny that Tony Bennett felt the need to point out to Blake that the song pre-dates rap music.

On Phil Stacey:
Tony Bennett: "He's one of the best singers I've heard in a long time."
Mrs. Poop: "You need to turn up your hearing aid."

Phil Stacey is the only person who can prevent Sanjaya from going home this week.

Melinda was awesome again, but we are definitely tiring of her act. Everytime someone says something nice about her she pulls her head back, tucks her chin, squints her eyes and mouths "thank you."

Paula is in rare form this week and she's wearing a weird ascot. Do you think she has a hickey?

Who the hell are squiddly and diddly?

Did they cut Sanjaya's hair? He looks normal this week. The thing with Paula was kinda gay but I think this was his best week. If you didn't know everything that happened before you wouldn't know how godawful he is.

His parents had a sign that said "Sanjaya is My Papaya." What the fuck does that mean? Just because it's the only thing even close to rhyming with Sanjaya?

I can't wait for one of Melinda's fans to bring a sign that says "Hey Melinda, Do Me a Little." I definitely think they can slip that by the producers.

Evidently, Haley did not want to go home this week. If Sanjaya's hair can keep him around then that dress should definitely have earned her one work week.

No wonder the troops love her.

I thought Simon's comment "you have great legs" was a little sexist, but I agree. And this week she decided to show off some boobie as well. A winning combination.



Bottom three this week will be Phil, Gina and Sanjaya. Phil will go home.

Michigan Fans are Gay Pedophiles

Look at his hat

Hates Water, Loves Tennis Balls

What kind of dog hates water?

One Fewer Bush at the Playboy Mansion

New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush has been bee ay en dee, band from the Playboy Mansion for an undisclosed conduct violation.
It is said that the violation did not involve a Playmate, which is how you want to get banned if you are going to get banned.
Perhaps some dude was hitting on Ciara and Bush got into a fight.

TON Loves Frivolous Lawsuits

A woman is suing her dance partner, claiming he dropped her on her head after flipping her into the air at an office party.

Lacey Hindman, 22, was a victim of "negligent dancing," says her lawyer, David M. Baum.

In the suit, Hindman claims that during a party at a Chicago bar and restaurant in April 2006, David Prange grabbed her by the forearms and tossed her in the air, and then she crashed to the wood floor.

"I was in the air, over him," Hindman said. "I fell hard enough you could hear the impact of me hitting the floor over the sound from the jukebox."

Hindman said in the suit, filed in Cook County Circuit Court, that she suffered a fractured skull and brain injuries. She is seeking damages for medical bills and lost wages for time missed from work.

Hindman worked for Prange's wife, Kate Prange, at Shop Girl, a women's boutique.

There was no immediate response to a call seeking comment from David Prange on Tuesday.

Real Names

For those of you that foolishly believed that Nomar and Mia Hamm named their little girls Ramon and Aim, I'm pleased to tell you the real names are Ava and Grace.
Of course Ramon and Aim are Nomar and Mia backwards.
Nomar was named for his father, Ramon, who gave his son his name in reverse.
Maybe someday Ava can do the same for a daughter of hers.

Another Close Call

The Rutgers women were the second team in two nights to take me almost to the mountaintop, only to fall short.
They pulled off that exciting upset over Duke, then powered past Arizona State and LSU.
Tennessee was just too much for them, similar to Florida over Ohio State.
Rutgers, like Ohio State had their chances, but like Ohio State they couldn't hit any outside shots.
This is not the first time a female Rutgers student teased Juice only to leave him with nothing.

Michael is a Master Prognosticator

Congratulations to Michael for winning Paul's Poop Group in ESPN's tournament challenge.
Michael got off to a slow start but went two straight weekends - 15 games - without getting a single game wrong.
Michael's 1500 points were good enough to put him in a tie for 1606th place.
That may not sound like much but there were approximately 3 million entries.
Derrick Fleming was the winner with 1610 points, he got 58 of the 63 games right.
But back to Michael for a second. His prowess in Tournament Challenge is unparalleled. It all started in 1999 when Scoonie Friedlander led Ohio State, a 4 seed, to the Final Four, which Michael correctly predicted.
Four years later when Syracuse won it all Michael had that as well.
Thanks to all who participated, it was fun tracking the group throughout the tourney. If this were Little League you'd all be getting participation trophies.

TallSkott is a Dick

In an effort to jinx my Ohio State win ticket, which I bought at his bachelor party, TallSkott sent me a text message after Saturday's win over Georgetown.
"Easiest 80 dollars you ever made," it said.
Fuck You Fat Scat.

CNN Shooting

A man shot a woman Tuesday at the CNN Center complex.
A witness who is a CNN employee saw a male shoot a female twice in a street-level lobby area at the northeast end of the building, near the Omni hotel, which is part of CNN Center.
Police have a suspect in custody.
The condition of the woman is unknown.
Two people were transported on stretchers to separate ambulances. It was not known whether one of them was the shooter.
Police said the woman shot was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital.
The CNN.com newsroom, which looks out over the Omni area, was temporarily evacuated.
Turner Security said a male and female were engaged in an argument and shots were fired.
Charles Williams, who works in technology services for Turner, saw a man dragging a woman by the hair one level above where the shooting occurred. The man told him to get out of the way. Williams went to get a guard, and then saw the man apparently take the woman downstairs. He heard gunshots less than a minute later.
CNN.com writer Brad Lendon said he heard a loud bang, and then saw a woman on the ground next to a potted plant near a back entrance to the CNN.com newsroom. A man stood over her "and fired at least two shots into her," he said.
After the shots, Lendon said, the gunman "looked around, his head turning in my direction. I don't know if he saw me, but at that moment the gravity of what I'd witnessed hit me. I turned away and tried to find the safest way I could out of the CNN.com newsroom."

NCAA Title Game Disappointment

So I won't be winning my September Vegas bet on Ohio State, but they gave me a good ride and I had a lot of fun following the team this saeson. It was nice to have a team to root for in the tournament.

Greg Oden finally played like a dominating big man. He could not be stopped on offense and his defense was great too, and he played without fouling.

The difference in this game was the three point shooting. The final numbers were 4-23 for Ohio State and 10-18 for Florida. And those numbers were padded by 2 late makes by the Buckeyes.

Considering those numbers I'm surprised the game was as close as it turned out to be.

Florida made every big play they needed to keep OSU from getting the lead with 6. they are a worthy repeat champion and probably have to go down as one of the greatest 5 man teams in NCAA history.

Does Lee Humphrey ever miss? 15-28 from downtown in the last three games. He is the record holder for made 3-pointers in NCAA tournament play.

I'm pretty sure Oden played maybe his best college game as his last college game, but what a game it was.

Even without Oden Ohio State should have a good team next year like by Mike Conley who will be one of the best point guards in the country.

Michael Ruffin is a Douche

With about two seconds left, he catches the ball, throws it in the air, only not high enough. Morris Peterson catches it, chuecks up the game tying three and the Raptors win in OT.

Maybe He Is Both

Anchor misidentifies what's remarkable about mountain climber.

Big Surprise

If you thought there was any chance that Trump was going to have his head shaved, you should have yours examined. But Pizza Parlor Derek makes an interesting point, you saw how much pub Wrestlemania got when they brought Trump in, imagine the crazy coverage it would have gotten had Trump agreed to do the job?

Mets Win!

Diesel was in midseason form, immediately hopping up to receive his treat as I said "Mets Win!" when Wagner recorded the last out.
Many of you enjoy Howie Rose's "Put It in the Books" but even though he was in a deep doggy slumber, Diesel enjoys a "Mets win!"
Hint: if you are ever taking care of Diesel and he should happen to run out the door, call "Mets win!" and he will come running back.

Your treat? The first happy recap of the 2007 season.

Reissberg is a Good Person

The following is a message from Reissberg:

"I am training to run the 2007 NYC marathon. In order to try to gain guaranteed entry into the race and to support a cause that is very important to me and my family, I have joined Fred's Team, an organization run by Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, to raise money for cancer research (in honor of Fred Lebow, the founder of the NYC Marathon, who died of cancer). I have pledged to raise a minimum of $2500 and am hoping to gain one of the limited guaranteed spots in the race for members of the team. (If worst comes to worst and I do not get into the marathon, I will have (hopefully) raised a lot of money for a good cause and I will run the DC marathon as an alternative, which is the week earlier. So either way this is a win-win. You get to contribute money to a good cause, and I get to be in excruciating pain.)
Thank you for your support."

This is the link to Reissberg's fundraising page. There are a lot of affluent Poopheads reading this blog, I hope you will join in and help the long-faced Jew reach his goals, for a good cause. And so his father doesn't yell at him, asshole.

The marathon is months away so I'll post about this again during the summer and right before the race I'm sure.

Fascinating Weather Report

Narcoleptic sports guy falls asleep during weather report.

Yay Virgina!

West Virginia won the NIT and to celebrate they were rewarded with mispelled t-shirts.

Bitch Slap

The Jews Be Sinking the Ship

Former Knicks guard Micheal (that's correct) Ray Richardson, the original New York athlete to throw his career away with drugs is now coaching SCZA's and Beers' Albany Patroons.
In a discussion of his contract he said "I've got lawyers, big-time Jew lawyers. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."

Sounds Like a Hell of a Trip

Diddy recently went to France with his girlfriend Kim Porter. He told London's Daily Mirror about the trip:

"I've spent a lot of time with Kim in Paris. As soon as we landed, we went straight to the Eiffel Tower, drank champagne at the top and just kissed and kissed. Then we went up to my suite and had tantric sex for at least 30 hours, ordering up whipped cream and strawberries while we were at it."

It's All Too True

The latest from the folks at jibjab is kinda funny, and a little too close to home.

That Didn't Last Long

I'll be moving back to the morning shift -- actually 1a - 9a -- starting next week.

The Ladies Love UMich Fraternity Guys

I think this happened a time or two in Focks' day.

Police have been unable to locate a woman who entered the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house without permission and began to masturbate on a couch.

While fraternity members were eating in the dining room, a woman entered the house's living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating, said LSA junior Dan Nye, the president of the Washtenaw Avenue fraternity.

No one saw the woman enter the house or knew how she got in. Nye said she could have entered through the front door, which was left propped open while it was being repaired.

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said.

When members asked the woman if she was all right, she casually replied that she was fine, he said. The woman was talking on her cell phone at one point, said LSA sophomore Adam Bayard, a member of the fraternity.

She walked out of the front door wearing only a thigh-length black coat after a fraternity member called the police, Nye said. When police arrived minutes later, the woman had already left.

According to a police report, the woman was between 20 and 30 years old, had short brown hair and appeared to be under the influence of drugs.

"Obviously, she was very disturbed," Nye said. "It was not how a normal person would respond to people."

The woman told fraternity members that her name was Melissa and she was a student at Eastern Michigan University, according to the police report.

Fraternity members said they will throw out two couches in the living room because of the incident, Nye said.

Can't Keep A Good Man Down

A smiling Rey Ordonez insists he has done all he can to complete one of the more improbable sports comebacks in recent memory.

And the Seattle Mariners now appear ready to reward the 36-year-old infielder, out of baseball since 2004, with a spot on their opening day roster.

Ordonez has 1 home run and 4 RBI in spring training.

Idol Chatter

I was right again about who was going to be voted.

Chris Sligh is Bringing Chubby Back to wherever the hell he's from.

I also enjoyed Gwen's performance of this week's SOTW. She looked pretty again but I don't understand the obsession with neckties. Paula was also wearing one.

Akon was a complete non-factor. Not sure why he was even there.

Seacrest did two funny things, wearing the Sanjaya mask and calling Hayley, Stacey which is Phil's last name.

If you've noticed that results shows have been less dramatic this season, then you've probably enjoyed them more. But apparently later in the season they are going to drag them out for a full hour supposedly to give the performers more time to sing their farewell song.

I must say I was interested in seeing the contestsants perform a medley of Gwen songs as they usually do each week. Guess that's why they need to make the show an hour.

Sanjaya is becoming a full-fledged phenomenon. I think before he's done he may be the most well-known contestant in Idol history. I also think he will have a similar career arc to William Hung.

They're Gonna Have a Great Honeymoon

The World's Tallest Man just got married.
She's 5'6". He's 7'9"

Turning Two

Former soccer star Mia Hamm, wife of Dodgers first baseman Nomar Garciaparra, has delivered twin girls.

Both are healthy and over 5 pounds. Their names are Aim and Ramon.

Garciaparra flew from spring training to witness the births, but was in the air when the babies were born, but he heard the delivery by speaker phone

Can't Wait

Dazzling

Carlos Mencia is a Piece of Shit

Softball Players Like it Shaven

The College of Southern Idaho, in their softball media guide asks their players a series of quick either or questions. Chocolate or vanilla, english or math, hamburger or hot dog, shaven or unshaven. WHAT?????????????????
Evidently the Brazilian has made it's way to Idaho.
Overwhelmingly they said shaven.



I guess it's possible they meant how do you like your men, but I don't think so. And if this is all that was given to the girls when they answered, I'm sure more than a few of them had to check downstairs before they answered.

Rumors that this question was also in the LSU women's basketball media guide are unfounded.

LeBron's House

LeBron James' 35,440-square-foot house under construction is shaping up as a castle fit for a king -- with a theater, bowling alley, casino and barber shop.

(NOTE: he cannot have a real, legal casino in his home. It's just a casino room, a fancy, all-inclusive game room, probably.)



The house is in Bath Township, a suburban location 20 miles south of Cleveland is due to be finished next year. It is being built on 5.6 acres of land purchased, along with an 11-bedroom house, in 2003 for $2.1 million. He razed that house to clear the way for the new one.

A first-floor master suite, which includes a two-story walk-in closet, will be about 40 feet wide and 56 feet long -- bigger than half the houses in Bath Township.

The house has a dining hall, roughly 27 feet by 27 feet, a "great room" at 34 feet by 37 feet and a bigger, two-story "grand room."

The "family foyer" off the six-car garage near the elevator will be dwarfed by a "grand foyer" inside the front entrance with a sweeping, divided staircase leading to four second-story bedrooms. An outer wall will feature a limestone sculpture -- a bas-relief of LeBron's head, wearing his trademark headband.





The property is an oddly shaped tract wedged among lots that average 2.3 acres and houses that average 3,209 square feet. His property is 300 feet wide at the street and 677 feet deep.

"People who come to photograph it are disrespectful," said Tom Bader, one of nine immediate next-door neighbors. "They park their car in the middle of the street -- with their doors open! And you're sitting behind them! All I wanna do is go home after a hard day's work."

Sometimes Bader must wait to turn into his driveway because gawkers have driven up, hoping for a better view of James' place.

"As far as LeBron the man goes, I think he's an outstanding individual," said Bader, a graduate of James' alma mater, St. Vincent-St. Mary High School in Akron.

"He's great for Cleveland. I'm proud to have him. I have no issues with LeBron James at all. The problem is the baggage that he unintentionally carries with him."

Bader has discouraged his children's dream that James might have them over to shoot hoops.

"I said, 'Honey, I don't think that's going to happen. Besides that, don't ever, ever invite LeBron over to our house to play ball because he's going to twist his ankle and I will have my house eternally egged."'

While waiting for the home to be finished, James splits his time between a huge apartment in downtown Cleveland and a relatively modest four-bedroom house in Medina County west of Akron. He paid $580,000 for the house in 2005.

Song of the Week

"Sweet Escape" - Gwen Stefani
Mrs. Poop loves this one and I must admit it is catchy. It isn't complete nonsense like most of her other songs so I can tolerate it.

Idol Chatter

When I heard that this week was going to be Gwen Stefani week, I almost cried. It’s been well documented how much I hate her and the awful songs she sings. Thankfully they decided to create a gimmick for her “songs that inspired her” because hearing 10 people try to sing her nonsense music would have sent me over the edge.

Sort of like what happened when I saw what they did to that fuckin idiot Sanjaya. At least this time he didn’t look gay. No gay man would ever wear his hair like that. He looked ridiculous. But it reminded me of what I always say about bad ideas. Bad ideas get started with someone saying “that’s a really good idea.” And there was some hair person on the show who convinced Sanjaya that the ponyhawk would be a good look for him.






But because of the attention his ridiculous do will garner him this week, I think he’ll get one more week out of it.

Back to Gwen Stefani for a moment. I actually really enjoyed her appearance as guest judge. I thought she was going to be horrible and giggly like a little girl, or overly positive like Paula, but she was actually fair and intelligent and insightful. I was pleasantly surprised. I also liked the way she looked. Instead of dressing strange she was actually dressed kinda normal, though I don’t understand neckties on women. And her hair and makeup were done in such a way that she looked like a normal pretty girl instead of a rock star trying to be unique.




But her music still sucks. “Hey Baby” or whatever it’s official title is started my hatred for Gwen and my call for her to be tried for crimes against humanity. It is the stupidest, most ridiculous, most nonsensical song I have ever heard. EVER! Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-ver. I’m pissed that Jordin chose to sing it. But I think people liked it, and I think they like that fact that she is almost as good at 17 as Melinda and LaKisha are at 10 years older.

Melinda and LaKisha were both good once again. And finally they sang something a little more modern and up tempo. And I’m glad Seacrest brought up the fact that Melinda always seems shocked when people say something nice about her. At this point it seems that she’s either an idiot or a phony.

And finally Chris Hurley (fat one, looks like Hurley from Lost) finally sang something people have heard of. That was nice for a change. I thought it was pretty good because I don’t understand anything the judges were saying. But I don’t think he has much of a following and he is my pick to go home this week.

The other Chris, Chris Timberlake may benefit from the post-scare voting boom. A lot of times when contestants do surprisingly poorly one week, their fans vote in force the following week.

Phil Stacey sucks, but I think he’s improving and the judges liked him so he will stay.

Blake is still awesome. I liked the judges point about him becoming like Daughtry. Just singing the same type of music each week, and even though it’s really good and original people get tired of it. But Daughtry has had and will have a much better career than Taylor Hicks, but I still think Blake is going to be this year’s Idol. Mrs. Poop voted for him twice, once for her, and once for Diesel. It’s hard to dial a phone when you lack opposable thumbs.

Gina’s a non-factor and Hayley abandoned her sexed-up gimmick a little too early. One of those two will be in the bottom three but I fear it’s the end of the road for Chris Hurley this week.

Kindred Spirits

I was looking at Pizza Parlor Derek's post about the UCLA dance team and I decided to click on the link.
I was drawn to the picture of the lovely, large-breasted Chelsey.



Now I have read several hundred cheerleader profiles and their personal quotes usually range from the banal to the asinine. Never in a million years did I expect a cheerleader/dance team member to have my favorite quote of all time, a passage from Emerson about defining a successful life.

"Success
To laugh often and much,
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty,
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,
or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived.
That is to have succeeded."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Brian Giles Has a Great Sense of Humor

“Hey Greg, I've got one for you,” Brian Giles said to new Padres teammate Greg Maddux last month.

“Why was the mathematics book depressed?” Giles said.

After the 333-game winner pondered the question for a few seconds, Giles slowly delivered the punch line.

“Because it had a lot of problems.”

Giles laughed as if he were the second coming of Robin Williams, slapped Maddux in the left arm and walked away. Maddux, appearing perplexed, resumed answering questions from a reporter.

Giles returned a few second later, speaking slowly, like an athlete who took too many shots to the helmet. He stared into Maddux's bemused face.

“Greg, here's another one. What kind of waves are the really small ones in the ocean?”

Pause.

“Micro waves.”

Giles giggled and walked back to his dressing stall.

A trace of a grin appeared on Maddux's face. Then Maddux resumed the interview.

Giles returned in about 30 seconds – naked – and said, “Greg, what kind of language does a porcupine use?

“Spine language.”

Maddux belly-laughed. Giles roared and, now content, the right fielder made a triumphant return to his clubhouse stall.

“I guess it's funnier when he tells the joke without wearing any clothes,” Maddux said.

As we remember, Maddux finds things much funnier when a naked man is involved.