Police dropped a ladder into the skate park then sat back and watched as the bear climbed it, then wandered off back into the woods where he came from.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Smarter Than the Average Bear
A bear wandered into a skate park in Colorado and couldn't get out.
Police dropped a ladder into the skate park then sat back and watched as the bear climbed it, then wandered off back into the woods where he came from.
Police dropped a ladder into the skate park then sat back and watched as the bear climbed it, then wandered off back into the woods where he came from.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Mem's Tax Dollars at Work
While Connecticut House Minority Leader Lawrence Cafero was speaking about the state's budget, two Democrats, Barbara Lambert and Jack Hennessy were playing solitaire.
And the guy behind them who was lucky enough to not have been seen in this photo, is checking out ESPN.com.
And the guy behind them who was lucky enough to not have been seen in this photo, is checking out ESPN.com.
Song of the Week
"I'm Still in Love With You" - New Edition
"I'm still the man for you
And I'm still the man that's true
And I'm still the man who's lucky
And I'm still in love with you."
"I'm still the man for you
And I'm still the man that's true
And I'm still the man who's lucky
And I'm still in love with you."
What Do You Give Me For? David Wright and the Great Gazoo
David Wright's new protective batting helmet kind of makes him look like the Great Gazoo from "The Flintstones."
Monday, August 31, 2009
And You Thought My Unicorns Were Bad
European candy company Haribo have received complaints that the pictures on the packages of its MAOAM (palindrome alert!) sour candies depict fruits engage in sex acts.
In one, a lime seems to be forcefully fucking a lemon. In another, that same lime is popping two cherries.
In one, a lime seems to be forcefully fucking a lemon. In another, that same lime is popping two cherries.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thank God for Fake Tits
Mrs. Poop told me not to post this because she didn't think I could handle it with the delicacy it deserves.
By now you have heard about the grisly murder of model Jasmine Fiore by her crazed boyfriend Ryan Jenkins, a contestant on the reality show "Megan Wants a Millionaire."
I won't go into all the gory details but because the psycho murderer has removed her fingers and teeth authorities had to identify her body based on the serial numbers on her breast implants.
Another reason ladies should get fake titties.
By now you have heard about the grisly murder of model Jasmine Fiore by her crazed boyfriend Ryan Jenkins, a contestant on the reality show "Megan Wants a Millionaire."
I won't go into all the gory details but because the psycho murderer has removed her fingers and teeth authorities had to identify her body based on the serial numbers on her breast implants.
Another reason ladies should get fake titties.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thank God for Mario Chalmers
News Memphis will vacate 38 wins and a Final Four four appearance was met with a shrug around college basketball circles.
Truth is, most top programs cheat in recruiting and seek to cover up academic failings as well. Point guard Derrick Rose had his SAT taken by someone else, therefore he's ineligble, therefore all those games he played in are stricken from the team's record.
But look at it this way: what if Mario Chalmers's shot didn't go in.
Instead of Memphis being one of nearly a dozen teams to vacate a Final Four appearance, they could have been the first team to vacate an NCAA title.
If that were the case NCAA rules state the team would be stripped of its title, the runner-up will not get elevated and there will be no champion for that year.
It's only a matter of time.
Truth is, most top programs cheat in recruiting and seek to cover up academic failings as well. Point guard Derrick Rose had his SAT taken by someone else, therefore he's ineligble, therefore all those games he played in are stricken from the team's record.
But look at it this way: what if Mario Chalmers's shot didn't go in.
Instead of Memphis being one of nearly a dozen teams to vacate a Final Four appearance, they could have been the first team to vacate an NCAA title.
If that were the case NCAA rules state the team would be stripped of its title, the runner-up will not get elevated and there will be no champion for that year.
It's only a matter of time.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Madoff's Gift to Mets Fans
Fred Wilpon may be forced to sell the Mets because of losses he suffered in the Bernie Madoff Ponzi Scheme.
Erin Arvedlund author of "Too Good to Be True," one of several recent books about Madoff says of a possible sale of the Mets, "It's a matter of when. It could be as soon as next year."
She says the Wilpons lost as much as $700m in Madoff-related investments.
The Wilpons have pegged their losses at $300m and said the losses were in other businesses and would have no impact on the operation of the Mets.
Many Mets fans have criticized the Wilpons for being frugal, dating all the way back to the A-Rod situation. I think the Wilpons have for the most part acted judiciously in their spending (they did sign Santana to the biggest contract ever given to a pitcher, and gave K-Rod $15m per year) but many fans want them to act spend the Yankees, and that is never going to happen.
Even though they are in the same city the Mets' revenue will always be much less.
Many fans wanted the team to sign Manny Ramirez and Orlando Hudson in the offseason, moves I would have liked as well. But it's hard to call them cheap with the third biggest payroll in the majors. What they should do is stop wasting money and guys like Carlos Delgado and Luis Castillo and probably even Oliver Perez (though I endorsed that move), so they can use it to sign good players.
That said, I would love to see an ownership change, preferably to someone who will give his underlings the time and money to build a powerhouse team over the long-term.
Erin Arvedlund author of "Too Good to Be True," one of several recent books about Madoff says of a possible sale of the Mets, "It's a matter of when. It could be as soon as next year."
She says the Wilpons lost as much as $700m in Madoff-related investments.
The Wilpons have pegged their losses at $300m and said the losses were in other businesses and would have no impact on the operation of the Mets.
Many Mets fans have criticized the Wilpons for being frugal, dating all the way back to the A-Rod situation. I think the Wilpons have for the most part acted judiciously in their spending (they did sign Santana to the biggest contract ever given to a pitcher, and gave K-Rod $15m per year) but many fans want them to act spend the Yankees, and that is never going to happen.
Even though they are in the same city the Mets' revenue will always be much less.
Many fans wanted the team to sign Manny Ramirez and Orlando Hudson in the offseason, moves I would have liked as well. But it's hard to call them cheap with the third biggest payroll in the majors. What they should do is stop wasting money and guys like Carlos Delgado and Luis Castillo and probably even Oliver Perez (though I endorsed that move), so they can use it to sign good players.
That said, I would love to see an ownership change, preferably to someone who will give his underlings the time and money to build a powerhouse team over the long-term.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Man or Lady?
South African sprinting sensation Caster Semenya is too good.
After blowing away the field in the 800m race, opponents questioned Semenya's performance.
Now Semenya is being tested -- not for drugs -- for a dick.
Or as one article put it "to see if she meets the qualifications to compete as a female."
I think the qualifications to compete as a female should be the presence of a vagina.
The questions about Semenya may seem insulting but they're pretty sensible when you consider she was a virtual unknown in January, and now she is the world champion. She also has some physical characteristics of a man (facial structure and build) and a deeper voice than most 18-year old girls.
There's a few scenarios possible here:
1) she's a girl, and this whole thing is very embarrassing for her
That's an open and shut scenario, apologize and let her run
2) she's a dude given female hormones so she can compete as a lady, which is obvious cheating
This seems most likely to me, and would probably show up on tests as having an unnaturally high level of testosterone
3) she was born as some kind of unusual but not entirely unheard of intersexed person
This is most intriguing, and perhaps entirely possible. She could have what is called "ambiguous genitalia," which is usually an enlarged clitoris. Then DNA tests would have to determine if she has XX or XY chromosomes and if that should be the determining factor in deciding her gender and qualifications for competition.
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After blowing away the field in the 800m race, opponents questioned Semenya's performance.
Now Semenya is being tested -- not for drugs -- for a dick.
Or as one article put it "to see if she meets the qualifications to compete as a female."
I think the qualifications to compete as a female should be the presence of a vagina.
The questions about Semenya may seem insulting but they're pretty sensible when you consider she was a virtual unknown in January, and now she is the world champion. She also has some physical characteristics of a man (facial structure and build) and a deeper voice than most 18-year old girls.
There's a few scenarios possible here:
1) she's a girl, and this whole thing is very embarrassing for her
That's an open and shut scenario, apologize and let her run
2) she's a dude given female hormones so she can compete as a lady, which is obvious cheating
This seems most likely to me, and would probably show up on tests as having an unnaturally high level of testosterone
3) she was born as some kind of unusual but not entirely unheard of intersexed person
This is most intriguing, and perhaps entirely possible. She could have what is called "ambiguous genitalia," which is usually an enlarged clitoris. Then DNA tests would have to determine if she has XX or XY chromosomes and if that should be the determining factor in deciding her gender and qualifications for competition.
.jpg)
Turning the Page to Poopfest
Now that Chase's birthday is out of the way I've turned my attention to Poopfest. I know a lot of you have told me in person you would be coming, but if you could be kind enough to reply in the comments section of this post, or the other one, I'd appreciate it because I really can't remember who told me what and Mrs. Poop is going to yell at me, and I'm not going to know how much food to buy.
If you haven't RSVPed by Monday I'm going to have to e-mail you to make sure you read this post.
Thanks.
Once again the date is September 5th, the time is 4pm and the address is being withheld but if you need it, please e-mail me.
If you haven't RSVPed by Monday I'm going to have to e-mail you to make sure you read this post.
Thanks.
Once again the date is September 5th, the time is 4pm and the address is being withheld but if you need it, please e-mail me.
Terry McDonnell Knows Which Way the Wind Blows
Interesting decision this week by Sports Illustrated managing editor Terry McDonnell. Not only did the magazine elect not to cover the Brett Favre return (maybe they felt burned by him, maybe they knew people were tired of the story, maybe they knew they'd be at least a week late on the story) but they actually put an image on the cover denoting it a "100% Favre-free issue."
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Can't Even Afford to Cry in Our Beer
The nation's top brewers plan to raise prices this fall.
Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors both say they're going to raise prices.
Anheuser-Busch said in a statement it plans on raising prices on a majority of its volume in the bulk of its markets this fall to cover some increases in its costs.
Sales of Miller Lite -- MillerCoors' flagship -- and Bud Light -- the top brand for Anheuser-Busch -- have both been suffering amid the recession.
Prices across all beers, however, have been rising. In 2008 the price of beer, ale, and other malt beverages sold for at-home consumption rose 5.3 percent, according to the government's Consumer Price Index. As of July, prices on those same items were 4.6 percent higher than they were a year ago.
Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors both say they're going to raise prices.
Anheuser-Busch said in a statement it plans on raising prices on a majority of its volume in the bulk of its markets this fall to cover some increases in its costs.
Sales of Miller Lite -- MillerCoors' flagship -- and Bud Light -- the top brand for Anheuser-Busch -- have both been suffering amid the recession.
Prices across all beers, however, have been rising. In 2008 the price of beer, ale, and other malt beverages sold for at-home consumption rose 5.3 percent, according to the government's Consumer Price Index. As of July, prices on those same items were 4.6 percent higher than they were a year ago.
Read This Before You Regurgitate the Populist Viewpoint
Everyone is going nuts about the severity of Plaxico Burress's prison sentence and comparing it to Donte Stallworth's.
First of all, when handing out sentences prosecutors don't (and shouldn't) consult the sentences given for completely different crimes in completely different states, just because the two defendants happen to be in the same profession.
Also, sentences are not based on the results of criminal activity, only on the criminal activity itself. There isn't (nor should there be) a "no harm, no foul" rule (or in this case, "harm only to you, no foul) in the sentencing guidelines. For example, should we only punish drunk drivers who get into accidents?
The fact is Burress brought a loaded gun (no safety), without proper permits town, into a crowded nightclub. He could have shot and killed an innocent person, which is why he had to go to jail. Maybe the length of his sentence is a bit severe, but you do the crime, you do the time.
As for Donte Stallworth, like everyone else I was outraged he only got 30 days (served 24, I believed) for killing someone. But there are some extenuating circumstances here. First and I believe most importantly, there is surveillance video tape of the accident, and it shows the victim, Mario Reyes, did in fact dart out in front of Stallworth's car, and he failed to use the crosswalk.
Now that doesn't absolve Stallworth of guilt for driving while intoxicated but it does complicate matters because perhaps the same accident would have occurred with a sober Stallworth behind the wheel. Or a sober me, or sober you.
Second, Stallworth paid an undisclosed (though presumably large) amount of money to the Reyes family in a civil settlement. While this feels unseemly, it works out best for both parties. The Reyeses, poor immigrants, lost their main breadwinner. He's never coming back whether Stallworth goes to jail for 30 days or 30 years. So why not let them be taken care of financially in retribution for this horrible accident.
To recap, Burress got a fair sentence -- maybe a little harsh -- Stallworth got a light sentence due to extenuating circumstances, but more importantly -- they have nothing to do with each other and once again the uneducated in the sports media have no idea what they are talking about.
First of all, when handing out sentences prosecutors don't (and shouldn't) consult the sentences given for completely different crimes in completely different states, just because the two defendants happen to be in the same profession.
Also, sentences are not based on the results of criminal activity, only on the criminal activity itself. There isn't (nor should there be) a "no harm, no foul" rule (or in this case, "harm only to you, no foul) in the sentencing guidelines. For example, should we only punish drunk drivers who get into accidents?
The fact is Burress brought a loaded gun (no safety), without proper permits town, into a crowded nightclub. He could have shot and killed an innocent person, which is why he had to go to jail. Maybe the length of his sentence is a bit severe, but you do the crime, you do the time.
As for Donte Stallworth, like everyone else I was outraged he only got 30 days (served 24, I believed) for killing someone. But there are some extenuating circumstances here. First and I believe most importantly, there is surveillance video tape of the accident, and it shows the victim, Mario Reyes, did in fact dart out in front of Stallworth's car, and he failed to use the crosswalk.
Now that doesn't absolve Stallworth of guilt for driving while intoxicated but it does complicate matters because perhaps the same accident would have occurred with a sober Stallworth behind the wheel. Or a sober me, or sober you.
Second, Stallworth paid an undisclosed (though presumably large) amount of money to the Reyes family in a civil settlement. While this feels unseemly, it works out best for both parties. The Reyeses, poor immigrants, lost their main breadwinner. He's never coming back whether Stallworth goes to jail for 30 days or 30 years. So why not let them be taken care of financially in retribution for this horrible accident.
To recap, Burress got a fair sentence -- maybe a little harsh -- Stallworth got a light sentence due to extenuating circumstances, but more importantly -- they have nothing to do with each other and once again the uneducated in the sports media have no idea what they are talking about.
Classic Poop: The Day I Met Senator Ted Kennedy
Originally posted on June 16, 2006:
Today I met Splash. Splash is the dog of Senator Ted Kennedy. Splash is the author of a new children's book, called "My Senator and Me." It's written from the dog's perspective so I guess its a good book for dogs to read also.
Sen. Kennedy was very gracious, standing up to greet us (even though he has a back problem) and introducing himself and his wife to all of us. The dogs (Splash's brother Sunny came too) sat at the Senator's feet while he was eating fruit, even tapping him on the leg to get some. When I asked what kind of dogs they are Senator Kennedy said "Portguese water dogs."
I said "those are the dogs they have in San Francisco..."
He said "yes, at the ballpark to fetch the balls from the water. They're very strong swimmers."
His wife then got the dogs to do a trick. She broke a biscuit in half, they immediately followed her. They both went from sitting to the down position. She placed the biscuit halves about 6 inches from their noses. They waited patiently. She clapped and they pounced. Great dogs.
During the interview Splash sat quietly under the Senator's feet and played with his tennis ball.
I really liked the Senator and it just goes to show that your impression of someone from the media can be totally wrong. Knowing about someone is not the same as knowing them. And just because you disagree with someone's politics doesn't mean that he is not a good person.
Today I met Splash. Splash is the dog of Senator Ted Kennedy. Splash is the author of a new children's book, called "My Senator and Me." It's written from the dog's perspective so I guess its a good book for dogs to read also.
Sen. Kennedy was very gracious, standing up to greet us (even though he has a back problem) and introducing himself and his wife to all of us. The dogs (Splash's brother Sunny came too) sat at the Senator's feet while he was eating fruit, even tapping him on the leg to get some. When I asked what kind of dogs they are Senator Kennedy said "Portguese water dogs."
I said "those are the dogs they have in San Francisco..."
He said "yes, at the ballpark to fetch the balls from the water. They're very strong swimmers."
His wife then got the dogs to do a trick. She broke a biscuit in half, they immediately followed her. They both went from sitting to the down position. She placed the biscuit halves about 6 inches from their noses. They waited patiently. She clapped and they pounced. Great dogs.
During the interview Splash sat quietly under the Senator's feet and played with his tennis ball.
I really liked the Senator and it just goes to show that your impression of someone from the media can be totally wrong. Knowing about someone is not the same as knowing them. And just because you disagree with someone's politics doesn't mean that he is not a good person.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Product Review: Bachman's Puzzlers
Bachman’s Pretzel Puzzlers are quite simply the world’s most delicious snack.
Bachman’s has some special formula for making pretzels (baking them in brick ovens) that is like no other pretzel. It has this delicious burned flavoring to it.
And the shape also makes them unique. They are in the shape of puzzle pieces (the logo for Autism Speaks), which makes them great for dipping. Chase likes them with hummus.
But the Autism tie-in also means 5% of the proceeds go towards Autism research.
So at the rate of two bags per week, $3 per bag, I spend $300 a year on them, and $15 goes to Autism Speaks. That makes me feel good.
Bachman’s has some special formula for making pretzels (baking them in brick ovens) that is like no other pretzel. It has this delicious burned flavoring to it.
And the shape also makes them unique. They are in the shape of puzzle pieces (the logo for Autism Speaks), which makes them great for dipping. Chase likes them with hummus.
But the Autism tie-in also means 5% of the proceeds go towards Autism research.
So at the rate of two bags per week, $3 per bag, I spend $300 a year on them, and $15 goes to Autism Speaks. That makes me feel good.
These are a Few of Mrs. Poop's Favorite Things
Rainbows, unicorns and me --- these are a few of Mrs. Poop's favorite things.
It Doesn't Seem Possible
Since no one is paying attention now might be a good time to point out some inconceivable occurences taking place during the dog days of this horrible Mets season.
Fernando Tatis is 1 for 33 with 2 outs and runners in scoring position.
As a team the Mets are 4 for 50 with the bases loaded and 2 outs.
Since June 1st, Johan Santana, one of the best second half pitchers ever, is 6-7 with a 4.03 ERA. Now he is likely out for the season with an elbow injury.
K-Rod started the season with a 0.59 ERA and 16 saves in 17 chances. The 17th chance being his first blown save, the one against the Yankees. Since then his ERA is 6.08 and he has blown four games and saved 11.
Gary Sheffield, a 40-year old on a team going nowhere reportedly demanded a contract extension because he was angry the Mets wouldn't let him go to the contending team that claimed him off waivers. When the Mets rejected his preposterous demand, he said he wanted to leave the team, but was bargained down to just sitting out one game.
Billy Wagner, another veteran playing out the string on a horrible team is expected to turn down a trade to the Boston Red Sox.
Oh yeah, the Mets also hit into a game-ending triple play, ending a chance to make an improbable comeback against the Phillies.
Fernando Tatis is 1 for 33 with 2 outs and runners in scoring position.
As a team the Mets are 4 for 50 with the bases loaded and 2 outs.
Since June 1st, Johan Santana, one of the best second half pitchers ever, is 6-7 with a 4.03 ERA. Now he is likely out for the season with an elbow injury.
K-Rod started the season with a 0.59 ERA and 16 saves in 17 chances. The 17th chance being his first blown save, the one against the Yankees. Since then his ERA is 6.08 and he has blown four games and saved 11.
Gary Sheffield, a 40-year old on a team going nowhere reportedly demanded a contract extension because he was angry the Mets wouldn't let him go to the contending team that claimed him off waivers. When the Mets rejected his preposterous demand, he said he wanted to leave the team, but was bargained down to just sitting out one game.
Billy Wagner, another veteran playing out the string on a horrible team is expected to turn down a trade to the Boston Red Sox.
Oh yeah, the Mets also hit into a game-ending triple play, ending a chance to make an improbable comeback against the Phillies.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Do Beautiful Women Date Fat Dudes?
Cringe-worthy interview between my girl Jamie-Lynn Sigler and an ABC News reporter who doesn't follow the gossip pages or realize that life imitates art.
A must watch!
Quick Fix: Do Pretty Women Date 'Fat'...
Shared via AddThis
A must watch!
Quick Fix: Do Pretty Women Date 'Fat'...
Shared via AddThis
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
New York's College Team
Apparently the taxi cabs ads aren't working because Syracuse University now has a new strategy to help it appeal to New York City.
Syracuse has agreed to play three home games against Notre Dame and Southern California over the next seven years in the new stadium at the Meadowlands.
The Orange will face USC in 2012 and Notre Dame in 2014 and 2016.
The new stadium will seat about 80,000 people, 30,000 more than capacity at the Carrier Dome, Syracuse's home field.
Now, there's two ways of looking at this. One, it'll be a great thing to get 80,000 people watching the Orange (probably get killed) against two national powers. But on the other hand, are you alienating the core upstate audience? Will season ticket sales be hurt in those years by taking the marquee game off the schedule.
Syracuse has agreed to play three home games against Notre Dame and Southern California over the next seven years in the new stadium at the Meadowlands.
The Orange will face USC in 2012 and Notre Dame in 2014 and 2016.
The new stadium will seat about 80,000 people, 30,000 more than capacity at the Carrier Dome, Syracuse's home field.
Now, there's two ways of looking at this. One, it'll be a great thing to get 80,000 people watching the Orange (probably get killed) against two national powers. But on the other hand, are you alienating the core upstate audience? Will season ticket sales be hurt in those years by taking the marquee game off the schedule.
SnoopCenter
I think Snoop Dogg might be slipping. He appeared on SportsCenter and had a pretty poor showing when asked to freestyle.
That was almost as bad when he was freestyling with Paris Hilton. Would it have killed him to throw in a couple athlete references like this classic freestyle from John Cena.
That was almost as bad when he was freestyling with Paris Hilton. Would it have killed him to throw in a couple athlete references like this classic freestyle from John Cena.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Erin Andrews Lives Out Her Locker Room Gang Bang Fantasy
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Product Review: Wendy's Boneless Buffalo Wings
I love to eat wings, but I hate to get messy, which often creates a problem for me.
But that’s why I love boneless wings they serve at Applebee’s, Buffalo Wild Wings and even at CitiField. And that’s why I was very excited when I learned Wendy’s would begin offering boneless wings.
The wings come a la carte for $3.99 and $5.99 with fries and a drink. For that you get 6 or 8 pieces, a pretty decent portion.
You can get one of three sauces, and I of course chose Buffalo. But this is where I was disappointed. The sauce was sufficiently spicy, but it had some kind of sweet aftertaste to it. More like a sweet and sour sauce than a buffalo-style sauce I like.
The chicken itself was fine, about what you would expect from a fast-food restaurant, but due to the weird-tasting sauce I’m not sure I would ever get these wings again.
But that’s why I love boneless wings they serve at Applebee’s, Buffalo Wild Wings and even at CitiField. And that’s why I was very excited when I learned Wendy’s would begin offering boneless wings.
The wings come a la carte for $3.99 and $5.99 with fries and a drink. For that you get 6 or 8 pieces, a pretty decent portion.
You can get one of three sauces, and I of course chose Buffalo. But this is where I was disappointed. The sauce was sufficiently spicy, but it had some kind of sweet aftertaste to it. More like a sweet and sour sauce than a buffalo-style sauce I like.
The chicken itself was fine, about what you would expect from a fast-food restaurant, but due to the weird-tasting sauce I’m not sure I would ever get these wings again.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Maybe We'll Make This an Annual Thing
Last year I demonstrated the upheaval in Diesel's life by showing him at the door in Maine in 2007 and 2008. Now let's see what has changed in 2009.
Diesel in Maine in 2007:
Diesel in Maine in 2008:
Diesel in Maine in 2009:
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Diesel in Maine in 2007:
Diesel in Maine in 2008:
Diesel in Maine in 2009:
.JPG)
Monday, August 17, 2009
Let Him Play
Michael Vick has signed with the Philadelphia Eagles and pending review of his suspension by Commissioner Roger Goodell could be cleared to play in a regular season game no later than week 6, and I think he'll probably be reinstated for the first game.
I think the commissioner is doing the right thing by allowing Vick to re-enter the league.
My opinions on dogs and animals are well-known, I don't even kill flies. And it isn't even worth discussing his crimes because no reasonable person would dispute the horrific nature of the things he admitted doing.
But Vick spent the last two years in federal prison and other forms of confinement, a punishment that if it doesn't fit the crime at least satisfies our societal need for justice and fairness.
While considering the next step for Vick I cannot come up with any party who would benefit for Vick's permanent exclusion from the NFL. Certainly not his real victims, the dogs, whose future care depends on Vick's gainful employment.
Won't society as a whole be better served if Vick became a shining example of rehabilitation and personal responsibility?
I don't view Vick as a recidivism threat, nor do I think this will be viewed by anyone as a light punishment.
I think Vick should be reinstated immediately, with a zero tolerance policy.
But looking at this from a football standpoint I don't really think the Eagles are the best fit for him. Vick is not ready to be an NFL quarterback, he was never any good in the first place, and now he has two years of rust.
I would think Vick would be best served going to a team with a big bruising back whom he could replace on third downs. I also think he would have value in the wildcat formation where he could replace a big slow (probably white) quarterback and be a threat to run or pass.
His skills seem redundant with Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb.
But more important than how he performs on the field, I hope the remorse he reluctantly expressed is genuine and that he becomes a force for positive social change.
I think the commissioner is doing the right thing by allowing Vick to re-enter the league.
My opinions on dogs and animals are well-known, I don't even kill flies. And it isn't even worth discussing his crimes because no reasonable person would dispute the horrific nature of the things he admitted doing.
But Vick spent the last two years in federal prison and other forms of confinement, a punishment that if it doesn't fit the crime at least satisfies our societal need for justice and fairness.
While considering the next step for Vick I cannot come up with any party who would benefit for Vick's permanent exclusion from the NFL. Certainly not his real victims, the dogs, whose future care depends on Vick's gainful employment.
Won't society as a whole be better served if Vick became a shining example of rehabilitation and personal responsibility?
I don't view Vick as a recidivism threat, nor do I think this will be viewed by anyone as a light punishment.
I think Vick should be reinstated immediately, with a zero tolerance policy.
But looking at this from a football standpoint I don't really think the Eagles are the best fit for him. Vick is not ready to be an NFL quarterback, he was never any good in the first place, and now he has two years of rust.
I would think Vick would be best served going to a team with a big bruising back whom he could replace on third downs. I also think he would have value in the wildcat formation where he could replace a big slow (probably white) quarterback and be a threat to run or pass.
His skills seem redundant with Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb.
But more important than how he performs on the field, I hope the remorse he reluctantly expressed is genuine and that he becomes a force for positive social change.
What Do You Give Me For? Javier Bardem and Jeffrey Dean Morgan
The only thing I know about Javier Bardem and Jeffrey Dean Morgan is that they look a lot alike
Story suggested by someone (Damino maybe?) a long time ago
Story suggested by someone (Damino maybe?) a long time ago
What Really Happened
Long overdue, I know, but here's what really happened when Sgt. James Crowley arrested Henry Louis Gates.
Gates forgot his keys and tried to break into his own house.
A neighbor saw two guys trying to kick the door in and called the cops.
Crowley responded to scene where he was confronted by an already agitated Gates, who was pissed he forgot his keys.
And here's where the thing went off the rails.
Because Gates has spent years studying racial injustice he immediately had it in his head that the cop was there to harrass him because he's black.
In fact, according to the police report, when the cops rolled up to his house and asked him for his ID he said "why, because I'm a black man in America."
And at first Gates refused to show his driver's license, only offering his Harvard ID which didn't have proof of home address.
Gates was screaming and threatening Crowley, when Gates should have known he wasn't being targeted, someone had actually called 911 to report a suspected burglary in progress.
And here's the kicker, when Crowley asked to speak to Gates outside Gates said "I'll speak to yo' mama outside."
The reason why I decided to complete this post which I started about three weeks ago, is because that classic line wasn't reported in the mainstream media.
I had to read it in the police report. Well maybe you will say the police report contains inaccuracies, but Gates doesn't dispute any of this. Even at the famous beer summit he contended he was targeted because he was black.
So here's where the blame lies in this situation:
100% of the blame for his arrest goes to Gates. I don't care what color you are or how many years of oppression your people have suffered, in this situation Gates should have said "sorry officer, I forgot my keys, here's my driver's license to prove this is my residence. Thank you." Had he said that, this whole mess likely would have been avoided.
Blame also goes to the person in the Cambridge Police Department who said the 911 caller had identified the suspected robbers as black men. That wasn't true.
And last but not least, the President who turned the whole thing into a national shitstorm by taking his friend's word and making a half-cocked comment before he had any of the facts.
Gates forgot his keys and tried to break into his own house.
A neighbor saw two guys trying to kick the door in and called the cops.
Crowley responded to scene where he was confronted by an already agitated Gates, who was pissed he forgot his keys.
And here's where the thing went off the rails.
Because Gates has spent years studying racial injustice he immediately had it in his head that the cop was there to harrass him because he's black.
In fact, according to the police report, when the cops rolled up to his house and asked him for his ID he said "why, because I'm a black man in America."
And at first Gates refused to show his driver's license, only offering his Harvard ID which didn't have proof of home address.
Gates was screaming and threatening Crowley, when Gates should have known he wasn't being targeted, someone had actually called 911 to report a suspected burglary in progress.
And here's the kicker, when Crowley asked to speak to Gates outside Gates said "I'll speak to yo' mama outside."
The reason why I decided to complete this post which I started about three weeks ago, is because that classic line wasn't reported in the mainstream media.
I had to read it in the police report. Well maybe you will say the police report contains inaccuracies, but Gates doesn't dispute any of this. Even at the famous beer summit he contended he was targeted because he was black.
So here's where the blame lies in this situation:
100% of the blame for his arrest goes to Gates. I don't care what color you are or how many years of oppression your people have suffered, in this situation Gates should have said "sorry officer, I forgot my keys, here's my driver's license to prove this is my residence. Thank you." Had he said that, this whole mess likely would have been avoided.
Blame also goes to the person in the Cambridge Police Department who said the 911 caller had identified the suspected robbers as black men. That wasn't true.
And last but not least, the President who turned the whole thing into a national shitstorm by taking his friend's word and making a half-cocked comment before he had any of the facts.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Free the Leash Kids
An Alabama woman was arrested and charged with first-degree cruelty to children.
Melissa Catherine Smith-Means was observed by customers and employees at a Verizon store in Alabama, dragging a small child around by a backpack leash. The child had visible marks on the neck from the incident.
The video hit youtube:
That caused a heated debate among parents and people who have never tried to wrangle an unruly child who kept running away or refused to walk.
We got Chase a leash because it truly is for his own safety. His favorite word is "hiding" so he is constantly running away to duck behind clothing racks.
Sure we get the occassional dirty look for treating our child like a naughty puppy, but our piece of mind is worth it.
Chase actually loves his leash and constantly calls for his monkey and asks to put it on.
Obviously I think the mother in this video went a little too far but I hope she doesn't give a bad name to all the leash-using parents.
Melissa Catherine Smith-Means was observed by customers and employees at a Verizon store in Alabama, dragging a small child around by a backpack leash. The child had visible marks on the neck from the incident.
The video hit youtube:
That caused a heated debate among parents and people who have never tried to wrangle an unruly child who kept running away or refused to walk.
We got Chase a leash because it truly is for his own safety. His favorite word is "hiding" so he is constantly running away to duck behind clothing racks.
Sure we get the occassional dirty look for treating our child like a naughty puppy, but our piece of mind is worth it.
Chase actually loves his leash and constantly calls for his monkey and asks to put it on.
Obviously I think the mother in this video went a little too far but I hope she doesn't give a bad name to all the leash-using parents.
Wishful Thinking
The Redskins may have been hoping Ladell Betts will run like Jerome Bettis this season because they put Bettis on his jersey for the preseason game against the Ravens.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Adrian Beltre's Nuts
Seattle Mariners third baseman Adrian Beltre was put on the 15-day disabled list with an injury to a testicle after taking a hard one-hopper off the bat of Chicago's Alexei Ramirez to his groin area.
Seattle manager Don Wakamatsu said the Gold Glove infielder is out indefinitely, and could need surgery because of bleeding in a testicle.
After fielding the grounder in the ninth inning, Beltre rushed a throw wide of first base for an error. He winced in pain but finished the game, which the Mariners won in 14 innings.
Beltre does not wear a protective cup because he says it's uncomfortable.
How does a major leaguer, a third baseman especially, not wear a cup? A lifetime of wearing a cup can't be as uncomfortable as one shot to the groin.
I'm actually shocked he finished the game.
Seattle manager Don Wakamatsu said the Gold Glove infielder is out indefinitely, and could need surgery because of bleeding in a testicle.
After fielding the grounder in the ninth inning, Beltre rushed a throw wide of first base for an error. He winced in pain but finished the game, which the Mariners won in 14 innings.
Beltre does not wear a protective cup because he says it's uncomfortable.
How does a major leaguer, a third baseman especially, not wear a cup? A lifetime of wearing a cup can't be as uncomfortable as one shot to the groin.
I'm actually shocked he finished the game.
Trashy Yankees Fans
Actress Kate Hudson has been spending a lot of time at Yankee Stadium recently watching her new boyfriend, Alex Rodriguez.
She seems to have made some new friends as she was photographed enjoying the game with Karen Burnett, Amber Sabathia and Michelle Damon.
Is it just me or is she the least attractive one here?
She looks like she needs a shower, a bra and some makeup.
And now it turns out Hudson doesn't get along with the smokingest Yankee WAG ever, Minka Kelly. According to the NY Post Minka likes to keep a low profile, sitting in a private box, while Kate Hudson sits in the front row so she can be seen. A Post insider (probably totally made-up), says there is a visible coldness between them and the other wives are choosing sides.
She seems to have made some new friends as she was photographed enjoying the game with Karen Burnett, Amber Sabathia and Michelle Damon.
Is it just me or is she the least attractive one here?
She looks like she needs a shower, a bra and some makeup.
And now it turns out Hudson doesn't get along with the smokingest Yankee WAG ever, Minka Kelly. According to the NY Post Minka likes to keep a low profile, sitting in a private box, while Kate Hudson sits in the front row so she can be seen. A Post insider (probably totally made-up), says there is a visible coldness between them and the other wives are choosing sides.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Curtis Brinkley Gets Shot
Former Syracuse running back Curtis Brinkley was shot by his sister's ex-boyfriend.
Police believe it was a case of mistaken identity that caused her baby daddy to shoot Brinkley, believing he was shooting her new boyfriend.
Doctors were unable to remove all of the bullet because of its proximity to Brinkley's heart.
Brinkley had signed a two year free agent contract with the San Diego Chargers but he may never be able to play football again.
An affidavit attached to the criminal complaint gives an account of events just after midnight July 9 in the 7700 block of Spring Avenue, in Philadelphia.
Anthony Peterson had argued with the player's sister, Niveka Cason, over a man, identified as Jamal Hinson, whom she was seeing. Peterson also called Hinson that night to challenge him about the relationship.
Hinson offered to pick up Cason after work at an adult-care center, but she had already called Brinkley. When Brinkley arrived, Peterson was lurking behind bushes on Chapel Road with a clear view of Spring Avenue.
Two of the three rounds fired from a .357 Magnum revolver lodged in the car. The other hit Brinkley in the shoulder area before going deeper into his chest. He was treated at Albert Einstein Medical Center.
Hinson told police that he got a text message from Peterson several days later. "I got the wrong one last time, but I didn't forget about you," the text said.
Detectives who combed the lawn and leaf bags from the Chapel Road area at the township dump recovered the revolver, the papers said, and ballistic tests showed that the .357 was the weapon used to shoot Brinkley.
Brinkley is recovering at the home of his grandmother and is about to begin physical therapy.
Police believe it was a case of mistaken identity that caused her baby daddy to shoot Brinkley, believing he was shooting her new boyfriend.
Doctors were unable to remove all of the bullet because of its proximity to Brinkley's heart.
Brinkley had signed a two year free agent contract with the San Diego Chargers but he may never be able to play football again.
An affidavit attached to the criminal complaint gives an account of events just after midnight July 9 in the 7700 block of Spring Avenue, in Philadelphia.
Anthony Peterson had argued with the player's sister, Niveka Cason, over a man, identified as Jamal Hinson, whom she was seeing. Peterson also called Hinson that night to challenge him about the relationship.
Hinson offered to pick up Cason after work at an adult-care center, but she had already called Brinkley. When Brinkley arrived, Peterson was lurking behind bushes on Chapel Road with a clear view of Spring Avenue.
Two of the three rounds fired from a .357 Magnum revolver lodged in the car. The other hit Brinkley in the shoulder area before going deeper into his chest. He was treated at Albert Einstein Medical Center.
Hinson told police that he got a text message from Peterson several days later. "I got the wrong one last time, but I didn't forget about you," the text said.
Detectives who combed the lawn and leaf bags from the Chapel Road area at the township dump recovered the revolver, the papers said, and ballistic tests showed that the .357 was the weapon used to shoot Brinkley.
Brinkley is recovering at the home of his grandmother and is about to begin physical therapy.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Rick Pitino Admits Affair
Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino is finally admitting an affair he had six years ago.
Pitino now says he had sex with Karen Cunagin Sypher at a restaurant in 2003 and he later gave her $3,000 to have an abortion.
This sheds light on an ongoing situation in which she accused Pitino of rape and he accused her of extortion.
But here's where this thing gets strange. Two weeks (not possible) after they had sex she called Pitino and said she was pregnant.
Pitino agreed to meet her at the condo of Louisville's strength coach, Tim Sypher.
Yes, they have the same last name because they later got married.
That's right Pitino calls this guy and says "bitch says I raped her, damn, why she wanna stick me for my paper?", they use his house as the rendezvous spot and he falls in love with her. Crazy.
There was a witness at the restaurant that night. After everyone left, the owner gave Pitino the keys to lock up. Pitino's assistant Vinnie Tatum stayed around too, perhaps hoping he and Coach P could give her the Eiffel tower.
Tatum says he didn't see nothin' that night except "the sounds of two people [who] seemed to be enjoying themselves during a sexual encounter."
Btw, Pitino is the married father of five. And in our society today he will probably be judged more harshly for funding the abortion than for fucking this woman in the first place.
Pitino now says he had sex with Karen Cunagin Sypher at a restaurant in 2003 and he later gave her $3,000 to have an abortion.
This sheds light on an ongoing situation in which she accused Pitino of rape and he accused her of extortion.
But here's where this thing gets strange. Two weeks (not possible) after they had sex she called Pitino and said she was pregnant.
Pitino agreed to meet her at the condo of Louisville's strength coach, Tim Sypher.
Yes, they have the same last name because they later got married.
That's right Pitino calls this guy and says "bitch says I raped her, damn, why she wanna stick me for my paper?", they use his house as the rendezvous spot and he falls in love with her. Crazy.
There was a witness at the restaurant that night. After everyone left, the owner gave Pitino the keys to lock up. Pitino's assistant Vinnie Tatum stayed around too, perhaps hoping he and Coach P could give her the Eiffel tower.
Tatum says he didn't see nothin' that night except "the sounds of two people [who] seemed to be enjoying themselves during a sexual encounter."
Btw, Pitino is the married father of five. And in our society today he will probably be judged more harshly for funding the abortion than for fucking this woman in the first place.
Song of the Week
"Summer in the City" - Lovin Spoonful
The grittier sound in this song is a departure from the band's jug band roots and earlier hits, particularly "Do You Believe in Magic?"
As the music sound turned in the late 60s the band saw the industry pass them by (helped along by a drug bust that forced the band to break up).
Lead singer John Sebastian had a number one hit in the 70s with "Welcome Back" the theme to "Welcome Back Kotter."
I think of this song everyday when commuting to Manhattan in 90 degree heat.
The grittier sound in this song is a departure from the band's jug band roots and earlier hits, particularly "Do You Believe in Magic?"
As the music sound turned in the late 60s the band saw the industry pass them by (helped along by a drug bust that forced the band to break up).
Lead singer John Sebastian had a number one hit in the 70s with "Welcome Back" the theme to "Welcome Back Kotter."
I think of this song everyday when commuting to Manhattan in 90 degree heat.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Reggie Miller Called Out
Reggie Miller met Ali Kay at a party last year. Then he saw her again at a store this spring and waited an hour for her to come out. Then he sent her 53 text messages (how'd he get her number?) in four hours. And when her boyfriend told him to back off he threatened him.
So the boyfriend prepared a restraining order (but never filed it), instead electing to fly this banner of LA: Reggie Miller stop pursuing married women.
The boyfriend, now fiance, is Alex Von Furstenberg, son of Diane Von Furstenberg and Barry Diller, meaning he is about 20 times as rich as Reggie Miller.
Reggie's story is totally different. He says he met Ali at a Lakers game and she went back to his house. Then she sent him sexy photos of herself and then kept texting him.
Now you must want to know what this woman looks like right?
So the boyfriend prepared a restraining order (but never filed it), instead electing to fly this banner of LA: Reggie Miller stop pursuing married women.
The boyfriend, now fiance, is Alex Von Furstenberg, son of Diane Von Furstenberg and Barry Diller, meaning he is about 20 times as rich as Reggie Miller.
Reggie's story is totally different. He says he met Ali at a Lakers game and she went back to his house. Then she sent him sexy photos of herself and then kept texting him.
Now you must want to know what this woman looks like right?
Friday, August 07, 2009
Mazel Tov to Big Pelf
Mets starting pitcher Mike Pelfrey and his wife welcoming a new baby boy this week.
And here's where the Universe started to have some fun with us.
Little Pelf was delivered by the same doctor who delivered Little Reissberg.
The Pelfreys named him Chase.
Chase Pelfrey weighed in at 7 pounds 14 ounces, the exact birhweight of my Chase.
Mike will miss his scheduled start in San Diego on Saturday and instead will pitch Monday against Arizona in Chase Field.
And here's where the Universe started to have some fun with us.
Little Pelf was delivered by the same doctor who delivered Little Reissberg.
The Pelfreys named him Chase.
Chase Pelfrey weighed in at 7 pounds 14 ounces, the exact birhweight of my Chase.
Mike will miss his scheduled start in San Diego on Saturday and instead will pitch Monday against Arizona in Chase Field.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
If the Fires Don't Get You the Ovarian Cysts Will
You migth remember this picture of a poor little koala burned in a fire, rehydrated by a nice fireman. That little act of kindness bought Sam six more months on this earth. But destiny caught up with her, she died of ovarian cysts.
She'll Be Annoying the Reissbergs for the Next Few Years
"Elmo, long the trade mark character -- and cash cow -- of "Sesame Street," is getting competition.
When the popular children's program returns for its 41st season in November, Elmo will be sharing the spotlight for the first time with another puppet, a 3-year-old fairy-in-training, Abby Cadabby.
The purple-and-pink, pigtailed pixie is getting her own daily segment -- a strapping nine-minutes long -- on the long-running PBS series.
Though Sesame Street officials are reluctant to say it, it now appears that a new character is being prepared as the show's next big thing.
"She is fearless and curious -- like Gracie Allen meets Daffy Duck," says puppeteer Leslie Carerra-Rudolph, who has voiced the cuddle-ready character since she was introduced in 2006.
In just three years, Abby has been splashed on everything from toddler T-shirts and DVDs to a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. She is also a fan favorite on the Sesame Street Live tour."
I love "Sesame Street" and frequently watch it with Chase. The show is smart, educational and full of great spoofs. Some of the puppets can be annoying (though I love Telly and Baby Bear) but Abby Cadabby is by far the most irritating character on any TV show.
First of all, she's a fairy, but she screws up all her spells and turns everything into a pumpkin. Her voice is grating too. And most importantly, she always forgets the number and letter of the day. The only good thing about her is that she loves to read and loves words, especially "silly words like plop and poodles."
While Elmo's World can be a little much at times, I can't imagine what they are going to do for 9 minutes with an inept fairy.
When the popular children's program returns for its 41st season in November, Elmo will be sharing the spotlight for the first time with another puppet, a 3-year-old fairy-in-training, Abby Cadabby.
The purple-and-pink, pigtailed pixie is getting her own daily segment -- a strapping nine-minutes long -- on the long-running PBS series.
Though Sesame Street officials are reluctant to say it, it now appears that a new character is being prepared as the show's next big thing.
"She is fearless and curious -- like Gracie Allen meets Daffy Duck," says puppeteer Leslie Carerra-Rudolph, who has voiced the cuddle-ready character since she was introduced in 2006.
In just three years, Abby has been splashed on everything from toddler T-shirts and DVDs to a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. She is also a fan favorite on the Sesame Street Live tour."
I love "Sesame Street" and frequently watch it with Chase. The show is smart, educational and full of great spoofs. Some of the puppets can be annoying (though I love Telly and Baby Bear) but Abby Cadabby is by far the most irritating character on any TV show.
First of all, she's a fairy, but she screws up all her spells and turns everything into a pumpkin. Her voice is grating too. And most importantly, she always forgets the number and letter of the day. The only good thing about her is that she loves to read and loves words, especially "silly words like plop and poodles."
While Elmo's World can be a little much at times, I can't imagine what they are going to do for 9 minutes with an inept fairy.
I've Seen A Lot on NYC Subways
But today was the first time there was ever a mariachi band in my car. I wanted to ask them if they knew "na na nanana nanana nanuh."
But we were already at 34th street. I didn't even have time to take a picture.
But we were already at 34th street. I didn't even have time to take a picture.
I Can't Believe I Even Have to Put This To a Vote
Other than the surprise that Kara actually wore a bikini and the hatred for Bikini girl's tired gimmick and annoying voice, there is no way anyone can Kara has a better bikini body than Katrina Darrell.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Song of the Week
"Make You Crazy" - Brett Dennen
Nice cameo by Mandy Moore, her sexy feet and of course her huge boobs.
Nice cameo by Mandy Moore, her sexy feet and of course her huge boobs.
What Do You Give Me For? Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel
What do you give me for singer/slutbag Katy Perry and actress Zooey Deschanel (yes 2 Os is correct) star of "500 Days of Summer" (in which she says her nickname in college was "anal girl" -- because she was really neat) and "Elf" (Mrs. Poop's favorite holiday movie).
Lookalikes suggested by Jems who has a ridiculous crush on Katy Perry and got so excited when he thought she was the star of "500 Days of Summer" and is very disappointed that it is actually Zooey.
Lookalikes suggested by Jems who has a ridiculous crush on Katy Perry and got so excited when he thought she was the star of "500 Days of Summer" and is very disappointed that it is actually Zooey.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Our Long National Nightmare is Over
Paula Abdul is out of American Idol!
So happy
I think the plan by the producers to get rid of her has been in the works for several years. It started with the hiring of Kara continued with granting extensions to everyone but Paula and ended with a lowball contract offer. They didnkt want to fire her and look bad so they gave her an insulting offer knowing she would quit.
No one is going to miss Paula. I know some people say they like to watch a train wreck but it gets old after a while. The show will be so much less annoying without her.
The next problem is that Kara sucks and has no credibility with the male viewers after ripping off her clothes and getting embarrassed in comparison to Bikini Girl's smoking body.
And since the producers now are out on a limb for Kara they will never admit their mistake and get rid of her if she continues to annoy America the way she did last season.
So happy
I think the plan by the producers to get rid of her has been in the works for several years. It started with the hiring of Kara continued with granting extensions to everyone but Paula and ended with a lowball contract offer. They didnkt want to fire her and look bad so they gave her an insulting offer knowing she would quit.
No one is going to miss Paula. I know some people say they like to watch a train wreck but it gets old after a while. The show will be so much less annoying without her.
The next problem is that Kara sucks and has no credibility with the male viewers after ripping off her clothes and getting embarrassed in comparison to Bikini Girl's smoking body.
And since the producers now are out on a limb for Kara they will never admit their mistake and get rid of her if she continues to annoy America the way she did last season.
The Almonds are on My Side
I've recently been involved in a heated (pun intended) debate with some people at work.
I sit here everyday sweating my balls off while they are huddled over their computers wrapped in blankets.
But I now [corrected] have evidence to support me.
A sign was taped to the candy dispenser in the kitchen.
In case this picture is unclear it says "During the warm weather, it may be necessary to firmly hit the globe a few times before you insert your quarter in order to loosen the product."
Warm weather? We're inside. Shouldn't there be air conditioning? Comfortable room temperature is between 68 and 72 degrees. I think it probably has to be close to 80 degrees before dark chocolate almonds would start melting together.
I sit here everyday sweating my balls off while they are huddled over their computers wrapped in blankets.
But I now [corrected] have evidence to support me.
A sign was taped to the candy dispenser in the kitchen.
In case this picture is unclear it says "During the warm weather, it may be necessary to firmly hit the globe a few times before you insert your quarter in order to loosen the product."
Warm weather? We're inside. Shouldn't there be air conditioning? Comfortable room temperature is between 68 and 72 degrees. I think it probably has to be close to 80 degrees before dark chocolate almonds would start melting together.
Tiger Rips One
Tiger Woods allegedly caught on camera farting at the Buick Open
I can believe some people actually think this is a real fart. No one, not even the great Tiger Woods farts like that. I think someone in the gallery downloaded the iFart application on their iPhone and let one rip during a quiet moment. Loud enough for Tiger to hear it and make him laugh, but no way that was real, unless the camera was literally up his ass.
I can believe some people actually think this is a real fart. No one, not even the great Tiger Woods farts like that. I think someone in the gallery downloaded the iFart application on their iPhone and let one rip during a quiet moment. Loud enough for Tiger to hear it and make him laugh, but no way that was real, unless the camera was literally up his ass.
Funny or Douchey?
Mattress dominoes
At first when I saw this I thought douchey, but when I saw that some people set up too close the person in front of them and got wacked really hard in the torso by the falling mattress, I changed my vote to funny.
At first when I saw this I thought douchey, but when I saw that some people set up too close the person in front of them and got wacked really hard in the torso by the falling mattress, I changed my vote to funny.
Seinfeld Reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry David tells E! about the running plotline for the new season of "Curb" which revolves around a "Seinfeld" reunion.
"The context is that for years I've been asked about a Seinfeld reunion," he says. "I would always say, 'No. There's not going to be a reunion show. We would never do that. It's a lame idea.' And then I thought it might be very funny to do that on Curb. I kept thinking about it. I started to think of different scenarios and how we can pull this off. I called Jerry and Jerry was game. I said, 'Well, I'll call the others.' And I did and we did it. So we're doing a Seinfeld reunion show on Curb."
"We're going to see writing. We'll see aspects of the read-through, parts of rehearsals. You'll see the show being filmed and you'll see it on TV. You won't see the entire show. You'll see parts of the show. You'll get an an idea of what happened 11 years later. It will be incorporated into regular Curb episodes, so the castmembers will be playing themselves on Curb while all of this is going on."
"The reunion is scattered through the season and I think the cast will be on five shows. All four won't be on all five shows. Jerry is on five shows; the others will be on at least four. The season finale will be about the reunion show. It could very well be [a one-hour episode], but I haven't finished editing it yet. But that's a good possibility."
When asked why he finally caved, he says, "That will be answered in one of the episodes. That's a big thing because I would never do that. So there's a compelling reason as to why I decided to do it."
"Coming up with the right ideas for what's happened in the 11 years, that took some thought. Three of the guys working on my show as executive producers were also producers on Seinfeld. I think we came up with some interesting stuff."
He says "it's possible" there will be a mention of Richards sordid past.
So will the character Larry ruin the reunion of the Seinfeld cast? He adds, with an evil laugh, "He might. My guy might consider wrecking something like that. We'll see what happens. My guy could very well wreck it. I'm not saying he did. I don't know."
Will the reunion be any good? "Yeah, you mean as opposed to the finale?" jokes Larry. "It's good. I think the reunion is pretty good."
"The context is that for years I've been asked about a Seinfeld reunion," he says. "I would always say, 'No. There's not going to be a reunion show. We would never do that. It's a lame idea.' And then I thought it might be very funny to do that on Curb. I kept thinking about it. I started to think of different scenarios and how we can pull this off. I called Jerry and Jerry was game. I said, 'Well, I'll call the others.' And I did and we did it. So we're doing a Seinfeld reunion show on Curb."
"We're going to see writing. We'll see aspects of the read-through, parts of rehearsals. You'll see the show being filmed and you'll see it on TV. You won't see the entire show. You'll see parts of the show. You'll get an an idea of what happened 11 years later. It will be incorporated into regular Curb episodes, so the castmembers will be playing themselves on Curb while all of this is going on."
"The reunion is scattered through the season and I think the cast will be on five shows. All four won't be on all five shows. Jerry is on five shows; the others will be on at least four. The season finale will be about the reunion show. It could very well be [a one-hour episode], but I haven't finished editing it yet. But that's a good possibility."
When asked why he finally caved, he says, "That will be answered in one of the episodes. That's a big thing because I would never do that. So there's a compelling reason as to why I decided to do it."
"Coming up with the right ideas for what's happened in the 11 years, that took some thought. Three of the guys working on my show as executive producers were also producers on Seinfeld. I think we came up with some interesting stuff."
He says "it's possible" there will be a mention of Richards sordid past.
So will the character Larry ruin the reunion of the Seinfeld cast? He adds, with an evil laugh, "He might. My guy might consider wrecking something like that. We'll see what happens. My guy could very well wreck it. I'm not saying he did. I don't know."
Will the reunion be any good? "Yeah, you mean as opposed to the finale?" jokes Larry. "It's good. I think the reunion is pretty good."
Monday, August 03, 2009
I Hope No One Gets a Splinter
I missed a couple hairs while shaving, and the offending follicles were disturbing me so greatly at work that I went to the first aid kit and took the plastic disposable tweezers in an effort to pluck the hairs. Unfortunately it didn't work and the hairs are still sticking out of my cheek.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
I Hope the Mets Get the Next Firing Right
The Mets screwed up the Willie Randolph firing but doing it in the middle of the night after a cross-country trip.
Now they screwed up the Tony Bernazard firing by calling out Adam Rubin during the press conference.
Hopefully they'll get it right when they fire Omar Minaya.
I think Omar is on the hook despite his 3-year contract because of the poor performance of the team, but ownership seems more concerned about the embarrassment he brings to the organization.
But here's something no one is talking about in this whole Adam Rubin incident: it's true that Adam Rubin went to Jeff Wilpon (and maybe others) and at the least asked for career advice, and at the most it could have been interpreted the way Omar said it, he was lobbying for a front office job.
Now that doesn't excuse Omar for calling Rubin out like that, it definitely should have been handled in private. And it certainly doesn't mean what Rubin wrote about Bernazard was false, because we can pretty safely assume it was all true.
But I want Omar judged on his moves as GM, not on the way he handles the press. I personally hate the way Omar has shaped this team, spending millions on aging vets then bitching when they get hurt. I want a GM who gets rid of his old players for younger ones, lets them develop, then adds top-shelf veterans to fill out a championship roster. I think Wright and Reyes satisfy the first part, and Santana and K-Rod the second but the Mets still have some holes to fill, especially those occupied right now by lackluster veterans Luis Castillo, Brian Schneider and Livan Hernandez.
Now they screwed up the Tony Bernazard firing by calling out Adam Rubin during the press conference.
Hopefully they'll get it right when they fire Omar Minaya.
I think Omar is on the hook despite his 3-year contract because of the poor performance of the team, but ownership seems more concerned about the embarrassment he brings to the organization.
But here's something no one is talking about in this whole Adam Rubin incident: it's true that Adam Rubin went to Jeff Wilpon (and maybe others) and at the least asked for career advice, and at the most it could have been interpreted the way Omar said it, he was lobbying for a front office job.
Now that doesn't excuse Omar for calling Rubin out like that, it definitely should have been handled in private. And it certainly doesn't mean what Rubin wrote about Bernazard was false, because we can pretty safely assume it was all true.
But I want Omar judged on his moves as GM, not on the way he handles the press. I personally hate the way Omar has shaped this team, spending millions on aging vets then bitching when they get hurt. I want a GM who gets rid of his old players for younger ones, lets them develop, then adds top-shelf veterans to fill out a championship roster. I think Wright and Reyes satisfy the first part, and Santana and K-Rod the second but the Mets still have some holes to fill, especially those occupied right now by lackluster veterans Luis Castillo, Brian Schneider and Livan Hernandez.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Finally Freedo, Nails and JLeary Can Be Proud of Their Alma Mater
Congratulations to the Penn State Poopheads for their school being recognized as the number one party school in America.
I can't deny that on my one trip there the guys showed me a great time.
I have often criticized Penn State's doddering old fool of a football coach, Joe Paterno.
He recently referred to Twitter as "twiddle-doo or tweedle-dee," though some say he was just putting on and knows what it is.
Either way, I'm going on record giving Penn State credit for being a great party school.
Maybe now the Nittany Poopheads will admit it's a horrible academic school.
I can't deny that on my one trip there the guys showed me a great time.
I have often criticized Penn State's doddering old fool of a football coach, Joe Paterno.
He recently referred to Twitter as "twiddle-doo or tweedle-dee," though some say he was just putting on and knows what it is.
Either way, I'm going on record giving Penn State credit for being a great party school.
Maybe now the Nittany Poopheads will admit it's a horrible academic school.
Beer Summit Update
For the record, it was Bud Light for Obama, Sam Adams Light for Gates, Blue Moon for Crowley and nonalcoholic Buckler for Biden.
I'm glad Gates decided not to go with the Red Stripe.
Why did Biden drink a non-alcoholic beer? Is he in recovery? [Update: Biden has alcoholism in his family so he doesn't drink. There are reports he's never tasted alcohol but I didn't see that anywhere reliable enough to believe it.]
I also would have liked to see them go with bottles and not mugs. It would have been more fitting of the spirit of this "boys night out." This way seems like Michelle nagged him to use the mugs -- and of course the coasters.
And who shows up in a suit when someone invites you to their house for a beer?
I'm glad Gates decided not to go with the Red Stripe.
Why did Biden drink a non-alcoholic beer? Is he in recovery? [Update: Biden has alcoholism in his family so he doesn't drink. There are reports he's never tasted alcohol but I didn't see that anywhere reliable enough to believe it.]
I also would have liked to see them go with bottles and not mugs. It would have been more fitting of the spirit of this "boys night out." This way seems like Michelle nagged him to use the mugs -- and of course the coasters.
And who shows up in a suit when someone invites you to their house for a beer?
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tonight's Beer Summit
I am greatly looking forward to tonight's Beer Summit between President Obama, Professor Henry Louis Gates and Sargeant James Crowley, the cop who arrested Gates for breaking into his own home.
I like the idea because I think a lot of the racial problems in this country could be solved by white people and black people getting together for a beer, proverbially of course. But if white people and black people interacted more they'd realize we're not all that different, and we don't all hate the others.
My only problem is the President's reluctance to name his favorite beer for fear of offending someone. I think the President and the Administration try a little too hard to do the popular and politically correct thing, especially annoying when it involves something as stupid as the President's favorite beer.
Speaking of favorite beers, Crowley prefers Blue Moon (hopefully with orange slices) and Gates likes Red Stripe.
Which is humorous because last weekend Pizza Parlor Derek and I were making fun of a guy at the next table for ordering a Red Stripe.
But what nerve these guys have to request their own preferred beers while drinking at Obama's house. Social ettiquette requries that when you go to someone's house you drink whatever they serve. And if you want a special brand of beer, you bring it yourself. Wouldn't that be awesome to see Gates strolling into the White House toting a 6-pack of Red Stripe in a paper bag?
I like the idea because I think a lot of the racial problems in this country could be solved by white people and black people getting together for a beer, proverbially of course. But if white people and black people interacted more they'd realize we're not all that different, and we don't all hate the others.
My only problem is the President's reluctance to name his favorite beer for fear of offending someone. I think the President and the Administration try a little too hard to do the popular and politically correct thing, especially annoying when it involves something as stupid as the President's favorite beer.
Speaking of favorite beers, Crowley prefers Blue Moon (hopefully with orange slices) and Gates likes Red Stripe.
Which is humorous because last weekend Pizza Parlor Derek and I were making fun of a guy at the next table for ordering a Red Stripe.
But what nerve these guys have to request their own preferred beers while drinking at Obama's house. Social ettiquette requries that when you go to someone's house you drink whatever they serve. And if you want a special brand of beer, you bring it yourself. Wouldn't that be awesome to see Gates strolling into the White House toting a 6-pack of Red Stripe in a paper bag?
Diesel's Hanukah Present
A Brazilian company named PetSmiling has come up with what I hope is the world's first dog sex toy.
Made out of soft rubber, it comes in the shape of a girl dog, with all the right parts, including “a silicone vagina and an easy to clean reservoir.”
From the press release:
"You may know or have probably heard about these dolls for men that are very popular in Sex Shops around the world. There are inflatable ones, full-body, silicone, as well as other models. So now the first doll for dogs has been launched in Brazil. That’s right, a doll for dogs to practice safe sex. The majority of non-neutered dogs spend a good chunk of time looking for something to hump. They try pillows, furry creatures, people’s legs and even other animals.
When a dog tries to hump legs, stuffed animals and other objects, he cannot reach an ejaculation. With the DoggieLoverDoll he can. Human beings have their hands to masturbate themselves, now the domestic animals, which have practically no contact with females in heat, can alleviate themselves with a toy designed specifically for them. Dogs have a great sexual appetite and this novelty, surely will better their lives."
Made out of soft rubber, it comes in the shape of a girl dog, with all the right parts, including “a silicone vagina and an easy to clean reservoir.”
From the press release:
"You may know or have probably heard about these dolls for men that are very popular in Sex Shops around the world. There are inflatable ones, full-body, silicone, as well as other models. So now the first doll for dogs has been launched in Brazil. That’s right, a doll for dogs to practice safe sex. The majority of non-neutered dogs spend a good chunk of time looking for something to hump. They try pillows, furry creatures, people’s legs and even other animals.
When a dog tries to hump legs, stuffed animals and other objects, he cannot reach an ejaculation. With the DoggieLoverDoll he can. Human beings have their hands to masturbate themselves, now the domestic animals, which have practically no contact with females in heat, can alleviate themselves with a toy designed specifically for them. Dogs have a great sexual appetite and this novelty, surely will better their lives."
Erin Andrews 911 Call
Our favorite naked sportscaster called 911 because some paparazzi were camped outside her house in her gated community.
First thing she says is "I'm all over the news." And she seems disappointed the dispatcher has never heard of her.
First thing she says is "I'm all over the news." And she seems disappointed the dispatcher has never heard of her.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Song of the Week
"Video" - India.Arie
I like music with a positive message. Of all the songs I've ever heard I can't remember one with a more positive message than expressed in this song. Every young girl should be forced to listen to this song everyday -- we'd have a lot fewer teenage sluts were that the case.
"Don't need your silicone
I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine."
I like music with a positive message. Of all the songs I've ever heard I can't remember one with a more positive message than expressed in this song. Every young girl should be forced to listen to this song everyday -- we'd have a lot fewer teenage sluts were that the case.
"Don't need your silicone
I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine."
Funny or Douchey?
We saw this license plate on a car while we were up in Maine.
It reads OWW-D and it adorns an Audi (get it?)
It reads OWW-D and it adorns an Audi (get it?)
This is the Greatest Tournament in the World
With the debut of the 2009 World Series of Poker on ESPN tonight, it also signals the return of my favorite color commentator in any sport, Norman Chad.
From his witty aphorisms, to his catchphrases (an ace and an ace only, wamboozled, swagglefoosed) to his ex-wife jokes, few things are more enjoyable than listening to Chad's self-deprecating humor and insightful commentary.
Note: my favorite Chad-ism of all-time occurred during the 2005 Main Event. Bing Wang was late returning to his table and Andy Black asked his table to stall so wang wouldn't be blinded out. When they refused Black became so upset he was moved to tears.
That's when Chad said "Look, I like Bing Wang as much as the next guy but if he's not here he's not here."
I am a little disappointed with ESPN's decision to scale their coverage back this year. They are only showing the 40k anniversary event, a special event for only Main Event champs and the Ante Up for Africa charity tournament. No bracelet events, not even the 50k HORSE which is too bad because it was a doozy this year even though the finalists were relatively unknown.
Coverage of the Main Event begins on August 18th, and leads up until November, when the final 9 will battle it out.
Whether you already know who is in the November Nine (like me) or you are desperately hoping SCZA won't spoil it for you (like Jems), enjoy Norman Chad for the next 3 1/2 months.
From his witty aphorisms, to his catchphrases (an ace and an ace only, wamboozled, swagglefoosed) to his ex-wife jokes, few things are more enjoyable than listening to Chad's self-deprecating humor and insightful commentary.
Note: my favorite Chad-ism of all-time occurred during the 2005 Main Event. Bing Wang was late returning to his table and Andy Black asked his table to stall so wang wouldn't be blinded out. When they refused Black became so upset he was moved to tears.
That's when Chad said "Look, I like Bing Wang as much as the next guy but if he's not here he's not here."
I am a little disappointed with ESPN's decision to scale their coverage back this year. They are only showing the 40k anniversary event, a special event for only Main Event champs and the Ante Up for Africa charity tournament. No bracelet events, not even the 50k HORSE which is too bad because it was a doozy this year even though the finalists were relatively unknown.
Coverage of the Main Event begins on August 18th, and leads up until November, when the final 9 will battle it out.
Whether you already know who is in the November Nine (like me) or you are desperately hoping SCZA won't spoil it for you (like Jems), enjoy Norman Chad for the next 3 1/2 months.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Poopfest
Saturday, September 5th, at the Poop house.
In order to make this year's Poopfest more kid-friendly we'll be starting at 4pm, and I will be barbecuing various meat products.
Because of this I will need an accurate count of who is coming.
So please use the comments section to RSVP.
I need to know if you are coming, but also if you aren't.
Otherwise I will have to contact you to make sure you saw the post.
Believe it or not some people whom I might consider friends and want at Poopfest, don't necessarily read the Poop and feel excluded when I use this forum to break news.
So everyone who doesn't reply in say the next two weeks, is going to get a nasty e-mail from me, so you might as well just state your intentions.
I'll leave the link to this post in the header at the top of the page so it can be easily found.
Because of the vagaries of kashrut I ask that you not bring anything.
But if due to your strict Chinese upbringing (you know who you are) you cannot go to someone's house as a guest and not bring anything or you bring shame and dishonor to your family, then bring beer, I guess.
We hope to see as many of you as possible.
And those of you needing my address (which I choose not to disclose in this forum) should contact me via e-mail or Facebook.
Also, for out-of-town guests, the Poop Motel will have limited availability so if you want to stay overnight with us please reserve your room as soon as possible.
In order to make this year's Poopfest more kid-friendly we'll be starting at 4pm, and I will be barbecuing various meat products.
Because of this I will need an accurate count of who is coming.
So please use the comments section to RSVP.
I need to know if you are coming, but also if you aren't.
Otherwise I will have to contact you to make sure you saw the post.
Believe it or not some people whom I might consider friends and want at Poopfest, don't necessarily read the Poop and feel excluded when I use this forum to break news.
So everyone who doesn't reply in say the next two weeks, is going to get a nasty e-mail from me, so you might as well just state your intentions.
I'll leave the link to this post in the header at the top of the page so it can be easily found.
Because of the vagaries of kashrut I ask that you not bring anything.
But if due to your strict Chinese upbringing (you know who you are) you cannot go to someone's house as a guest and not bring anything or you bring shame and dishonor to your family, then bring beer, I guess.
We hope to see as many of you as possible.
And those of you needing my address (which I choose not to disclose in this forum) should contact me via e-mail or Facebook.
Also, for out-of-town guests, the Poop Motel will have limited availability so if you want to stay overnight with us please reserve your room as soon as possible.
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