We Survived

The first day of school went very well. We dropped Chase off and he immediately ran to the back of the classroom and played with a toy. We put his stuff down and left quietly without fanfare. Mrs. Poop and I got a little sad, but I think it's absolutely normal.
The first month is only 90 minutes so it seemed as soon as we got home we had to go back and get him. Evidently, one mother was more impatient than we were because when we got back one kid was already gone, and several others were in the process of leaving.
Chase was in his chair eating raisins and crying. But the teacher said he didn't cry the whole time, not until the first mom came.
That's when he probably realized that we were gone.
But as soon as he saw us he lit up, said "all done raisins" and that's when I screwed up.
I picked up to give him a hug and he said "wash dishes."
So I jokingly said to Mrs. Poop, "they made him wash the dishes."
Well the teacher (Miss Joanne, there's also a Miss Rosanne, but Chase calls them both Miss Josanne) heard me and said "we don't make him do anything. We do have a play sink and he was probaly playing with that."
Then I think she realized I was joking because she said "but if he likes doing dishes he can come to my house."
But she also told us sometimes the second and third days at school are worse because the kids are more aware of what's happening.
So we'll see how that goes.

I Think I Would Have to Agree

"Albert Pooh Holes is really, really good."
-Adam Wainwright, St. Louis Cardinals pitcher

Ok, so I took that a little out of context for humor. Here's Wainwright's full quote: "I don't know how anybody could ever be better than he is. Ever. No offense to Henry Aaron and all those guys. I'm sorry, Hank. But Albert Pujols is really, really good."

The Fantastic Pooh Holes is having a transcendant season, challenging for the Triple Crown. Excluding known steroid users his 2009 numbers may go down as the best year in the past 50 seasons.

The Genius of Chase

Of all the wonderful parts of being a parent, the best part unquestionably is watching your child learn and grow.
I was cleaning out my drawer and threw an old pair of shorts from across the room, right into the garbage pail.
Chase, knowing clothes don't belong in the garbage, said "oopsies, oopsies, oopsies" then picked them up and put them in laundry hamper.

What Do You Say?

What do you say when something bothers you?

Chase is Going to Preschool

I can't believe how time flies. He is already two years old, and now he's going to school. Tomorrow is Chase's first day of preschool. It will be pretty much the first time we have ever left him with anyone besides his grandparents.

2009 NFL Season Predictions

AFC East: New England
AFC North: Baltimore
AFC South: Tennessee
AFC West: San Diego
Wild cards: Pittsburgh, Buffalo
Conference Championship: San Diego over New England

NFC East: New York
NFC North: Chicago
NFC South: New Orleans
NFC West: Arizona
Wild cards: Green Bay, Dallas
Conference Championship: Chicago over New York

Super Bowl: San Diego over Chicago

NFL MVP: Jay Cutler
Offensive Player of the Year: Philip Rivers
Defensive Player of the Year: Shawne Merriman
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Mark Sanchez
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Brian Orakpo
Coach of the Year: Dick Jauron
Comeback Player of the Year: Tom Brady

Last year, only four of us played (and Bill didn't even do the individual awards) and none of us got a Super Bowl team right, and only one of us got any of the individual awards correct (Master Bates: Jerrod Mayo).

Hopefully this year we'll improve in participation and in performance.

Just copy my picks into the comments section then erase my choices and type your own.

Song of the Week

"The Wonder of You" - Elvis Presley

Pretty much the entire song describes the way I feel about Mrs. Poop but especially
"I guess I'll never know
the reason why
you love me as you do
that's the wonder
the wonder of you."



Even more impressive is the use of correct grammar. Most people would say you love me like you do. But that's wrong, "as" is correct. This song is a throwback to an era before the Rolling Stones ruined grammar in music with "I can't get no satisfaction."

Focks Wedding

Matt and Julie looked cute enough to be the bride and groom on top of the wedding cake -- and short enough too. Badum chhh, thanks Juice.



The Focks affair was a delightful event at the Bethpage State Park, right near the famed Bethpage black course which occassionally hosts golf's US Open.

The grounds were so nice they elected an outdoor ceremony -- in the middle of August. Being the sweaty Jew that I am, I was schvitzing before the bride even made her way down the aisle. In retrospect it might have been our fault for choosing to sit on the empty side rather than the crowded side, which was crowded because it was in the shade.

I survived the ceremony, which was beautiful by the way and made it to the cocktail hour, thankfully. I have heard that the food was delicious, but I wouldn't know because I spent all my time at the mashed potatoes station. This is something I was praying would be at another wedding since I didn't really get to enjoy it at my own.

This would be just the beginning of the delicious food I would enjoy, but more on that later.

The fireworks really started when somehow Juice convinced Mrs. Poop to do a shot of Patron with him. Feeling left out the Juicette and I felt we had to one up them, so we did a shot -- and had sex.



Later Juice tried to order a huge round of Patron shots for all assembled until a woman intercepted a shot intended for her daughter, chastising Juice with a "she's only 16."



Later that same girl was telling Amber and I that her cell phone had been taken away because she went over her minutes and sent too many texts. Sounds like cute, very typical teenage girl behavior. Little did we know.




One of my favorite parts of a Jewish wedding is of course the Hora. Over the years TallSkott and I have become very good at orchestrating the lifting of the bride, groom and immediate family members in the chair. This time we were joined by TON and Juice making a very powerful quartet. We probably could have lifted Brock Lesnar, which is good because it seemed like just about everyone in the place got a ride.



One of the people we lifted -- I think (please forgive any inaccuraccies or omissions in this post, my memory is faulty and my notes were incomplete) was the mother of the groom [corrected: ok, we didn't lift her, the following is accurate anyway]. She was an occassional substitute teacher when I was in elementary school and she still carries those scars to this day. She confronted me about my behavior those many years ago and then proceeded to inform Mrs. Poop about what a "pain in the ass" I was. When I laughed and tried to convince I had changed and become a good man, she didn't seem convinced. Then I told her I had a son of my own now and would probably be cursed by him turning out just like I did, she said "you can't let him."

After that, I was kind of hot and tired again so I went to the bar for a beer and a shot or two.



Dinner, like the cocktail hour, was delicious. I had the filet mignon, Juice has the duck, which I assumed he liked because he screamed out "I want to fuck this duck" while eating.

After a good deal more dancing and partying and drinking, it was time for dessert. Fresh baked cookies, a sundae bar, and a whole bunch of other shit I don't remember eating or seeing because I was too drunk from the Patron, too full from the ice cream or perhaps both.

It started off with a crazed Amber licking sprinkles out of the palm of her hand and saying "they let you eat as many sprinkles as you want."




I then got my own sundae loaded with just about everything you can think of, M&Ms, gummi bears and who knows what else. I also had several chocolate chip cookies and a lemon sorbet to clean my pallette. I never even made it to the other side of the room.

Despite the great location, the great music and dancing and of course the great food, the best part of the Focks wedding was the great friends. The entire crew was there, so were all the ladies (including Mrs. Reissberg, less than two weeks after delivering Darren) and we all had a great time together.

Thanks to Matt and Julie.

Today is the Day

Poopfest is finally here, today at 4pm.
See you then.
Guess which shirt I'll be wearing.

Get in the Game

I signed up for four different ESPN.com games (college football challenge, college pickem, pigskin pickem and eliminator challenge).

I created groups for all four games, they're all called Paul's Poop and you should join me in them.

The Koos is Going to the Hoosegow

Jerry Koosman, a member of the 1969 World Series champion "Miracle Mets," was sentenced to six months in prison for nonpayment of taxes.

Before being sentenced, Koosman who lives on income from Social Security and occasional appearance fees, apologized.

"Like most people in their sixties, I've made some bad decisions in my life. I shouldn't have listened to those people about the tax returns, but I did, and I take full responsibility," he said in court.

Judge Barbara Crabb of the U.S. District Court handed Koosman a six-month prison sentence and one year of supervised probation, calling his crime "a serious blemish on an otherwise outstanding life."

She told him he would have to work out his debts with U.S. tax authorities.

Koosman pleaded guilty in May to a tax evasion charge for failing to file federal tax returns between 2002 and 2004, defrauding the government out of as much as $80,000.

Koosman said he had researched tax laws and concluded that only federal workers, corporate employees and District of Columbia residents were subject to federal taxes, according to court papers.

I felt sorry for the Koos until I read that last paragraph, he used the Wesley Snipes defense? Dude, everyone has to pay taxes. Show me in the tax code where it says you don't have to pay taxes on income earned at card shows? Just because it's cash these guys seem to think they can get away with it. Insane.

And he was just at the '69 Mets celebration two weeks ago.

This is All I Know

Sharp-tongued radio host Don Imus has signed a multiyear deal with Fox Business Network to simulcast his popular radio program, the network announced today. Imus, who recently ended a similar arrangement with RFD-TV, a rural cable network, will join the FBN lineup Oct. 5.

“I love Fox,” Imus said in a statement. “Roger Ailes is the preeminent genius of American broadcasting. Who wouldn't want to do this?"

The network will air “Imus in the Morning” from 6 to 9 a.m., replacing part of “Fox Business Morning” and “Money for Breakfast.” Anchors Jenna Lee, Connell McShane and Ashley Webster will appear during Imus’ program to report on breaking financial news. Imus also plans to incorporate more business news into his program, which is syndicated by Citadel Media.

“We’re excited to welcome a renowned broadcaster like Don Imus to the Fox Business team,” said Kevin Magee, FBN’s executive vice president. “His 40 years of on-air experience combined with his superb interviewing skills and capitalist sensibilities will be a great addition to our lineup.”

As always, use discretion with your comments.

What Do You Say?

What's your favorite word for loud, animated communication?

Smarter Than the Average Bear

A bear wandered into a skate park in Colorado and couldn't get out.
Police dropped a ladder into the skate park then sat back and watched as the bear climbed it, then wandered off back into the woods where he came from.

Mem's Tax Dollars at Work

While Connecticut House Minority Leader Lawrence Cafero was speaking about the state's budget, two Democrats, Barbara Lambert and Jack Hennessy were playing solitaire.
And the guy behind them who was lucky enough to not have been seen in this photo, is checking out ESPN.com.

Song of the Week

"I'm Still in Love With You" - New Edition

"I'm still the man for you
And I'm still the man that's true
And I'm still the man who's lucky
And I'm still in love with you."

What Do You Give Me For? David Wright and the Great Gazoo

David Wright's new protective batting helmet kind of makes him look like the Great Gazoo from "The Flintstones."

And You Thought My Unicorns Were Bad

European candy company Haribo have received complaints that the pictures on the packages of its MAOAM (palindrome alert!) sour candies depict fruits engage in sex acts.
In one, a lime seems to be forcefully fucking a lemon. In another, that same lime is popping two cherries.

Thank God for Fake Tits

Mrs. Poop told me not to post this because she didn't think I could handle it with the delicacy it deserves.
By now you have heard about the grisly murder of model Jasmine Fiore by her crazed boyfriend Ryan Jenkins, a contestant on the reality show "Megan Wants a Millionaire."
I won't go into all the gory details but because the psycho murderer has removed her fingers and teeth authorities had to identify her body based on the serial numbers on her breast implants.
Another reason ladies should get fake titties.

Thank God for Mario Chalmers

News Memphis will vacate 38 wins and a Final Four four appearance was met with a shrug around college basketball circles.
Truth is, most top programs cheat in recruiting and seek to cover up academic failings as well. Point guard Derrick Rose had his SAT taken by someone else, therefore he's ineligble, therefore all those games he played in are stricken from the team's record.
But look at it this way: what if Mario Chalmers's shot didn't go in.
Instead of Memphis being one of nearly a dozen teams to vacate a Final Four appearance, they could have been the first team to vacate an NCAA title.
If that were the case NCAA rules state the team would be stripped of its title, the runner-up will not get elevated and there will be no champion for that year.
It's only a matter of time.

Madoff's Gift to Mets Fans

Fred Wilpon may be forced to sell the Mets because of losses he suffered in the Bernie Madoff Ponzi Scheme.
Erin Arvedlund author of "Too Good to Be True," one of several recent books about Madoff says of a possible sale of the Mets, "It's a matter of when. It could be as soon as next year."
She says the Wilpons lost as much as $700m in Madoff-related investments.
The Wilpons have pegged their losses at $300m and said the losses were in other businesses and would have no impact on the operation of the Mets.

Many Mets fans have criticized the Wilpons for being frugal, dating all the way back to the A-Rod situation. I think the Wilpons have for the most part acted judiciously in their spending (they did sign Santana to the biggest contract ever given to a pitcher, and gave K-Rod $15m per year) but many fans want them to act spend the Yankees, and that is never going to happen.
Even though they are in the same city the Mets' revenue will always be much less.
Many fans wanted the team to sign Manny Ramirez and Orlando Hudson in the offseason, moves I would have liked as well. But it's hard to call them cheap with the third biggest payroll in the majors. What they should do is stop wasting money and guys like Carlos Delgado and Luis Castillo and probably even Oliver Perez (though I endorsed that move), so they can use it to sign good players.

That said, I would love to see an ownership change, preferably to someone who will give his underlings the time and money to build a powerhouse team over the long-term.

Man or Lady?

South African sprinting sensation Caster Semenya is too good.
After blowing away the field in the 800m race, opponents questioned Semenya's performance.

Now Semenya is being tested -- not for drugs -- for a dick.

Or as one article put it "to see if she meets the qualifications to compete as a female."

I think the qualifications to compete as a female should be the presence of a vagina.

The questions about Semenya may seem insulting but they're pretty sensible when you consider she was a virtual unknown in January, and now she is the world champion. She also has some physical characteristics of a man (facial structure and build) and a deeper voice than most 18-year old girls.

There's a few scenarios possible here:
1) she's a girl, and this whole thing is very embarrassing for her

That's an open and shut scenario, apologize and let her run

2) she's a dude given female hormones so she can compete as a lady, which is obvious cheating

This seems most likely to me, and would probably show up on tests as having an unnaturally high level of testosterone

3) she was born as some kind of unusual but not entirely unheard of intersexed person

This is most intriguing, and perhaps entirely possible. She could have what is called "ambiguous genitalia," which is usually an enlarged clitoris. Then DNA tests would have to determine if she has XX or XY chromosomes and if that should be the determining factor in deciding her gender and qualifications for competition.

Turning the Page to Poopfest

Now that Chase's birthday is out of the way I've turned my attention to Poopfest. I know a lot of you have told me in person you would be coming, but if you could be kind enough to reply in the comments section of this post, or the other one, I'd appreciate it because I really can't remember who told me what and Mrs. Poop is going to yell at me, and I'm not going to know how much food to buy.
If you haven't RSVPed by Monday I'm going to have to e-mail you to make sure you read this post.
Thanks.
Once again the date is September 5th, the time is 4pm and the address is being withheld but if you need it, please e-mail me.

Terry McDonnell Knows Which Way the Wind Blows

Interesting decision this week by Sports Illustrated managing editor Terry McDonnell. Not only did the magazine elect not to cover the Brett Favre return (maybe they felt burned by him, maybe they knew people were tired of the story, maybe they knew they'd be at least a week late on the story) but they actually put an image on the cover denoting it a "100% Favre-free issue."

Truth in Advertising

I love the slogan for the Blow Bros., "we're #1 in the #2 business."

Can't Even Afford to Cry in Our Beer

The nation's top brewers plan to raise prices this fall.

Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors both say they're going to raise prices.

Anheuser-Busch said in a statement it plans on raising prices on a majority of its volume in the bulk of its markets this fall to cover some increases in its costs.

Sales of Miller Lite -- MillerCoors' flagship -- and Bud Light -- the top brand for Anheuser-Busch -- have both been suffering amid the recession.

Prices across all beers, however, have been rising. In 2008 the price of beer, ale, and other malt beverages sold for at-home consumption rose 5.3 percent, according to the government's Consumer Price Index. As of July, prices on those same items were 4.6 percent higher than they were a year ago.

Read This Before You Regurgitate the Populist Viewpoint

Everyone is going nuts about the severity of Plaxico Burress's prison sentence and comparing it to Donte Stallworth's.

First of all, when handing out sentences prosecutors don't (and shouldn't) consult the sentences given for completely different crimes in completely different states, just because the two defendants happen to be in the same profession.

Also, sentences are not based on the results of criminal activity, only on the criminal activity itself. There isn't (nor should there be) a "no harm, no foul" rule (or in this case, "harm only to you, no foul) in the sentencing guidelines. For example, should we only punish drunk drivers who get into accidents?

The fact is Burress brought a loaded gun (no safety), without proper permits town, into a crowded nightclub. He could have shot and killed an innocent person, which is why he had to go to jail. Maybe the length of his sentence is a bit severe, but you do the crime, you do the time.

As for Donte Stallworth, like everyone else I was outraged he only got 30 days (served 24, I believed) for killing someone. But there are some extenuating circumstances here. First and I believe most importantly, there is surveillance video tape of the accident, and it shows the victim, Mario Reyes, did in fact dart out in front of Stallworth's car, and he failed to use the crosswalk.

Now that doesn't absolve Stallworth of guilt for driving while intoxicated but it does complicate matters because perhaps the same accident would have occurred with a sober Stallworth behind the wheel. Or a sober me, or sober you.

Second, Stallworth paid an undisclosed (though presumably large) amount of money to the Reyes family in a civil settlement. While this feels unseemly, it works out best for both parties. The Reyeses, poor immigrants, lost their main breadwinner. He's never coming back whether Stallworth goes to jail for 30 days or 30 years. So why not let them be taken care of financially in retribution for this horrible accident.

To recap, Burress got a fair sentence -- maybe a little harsh -- Stallworth got a light sentence due to extenuating circumstances, but more importantly -- they have nothing to do with each other and once again the uneducated in the sports media have no idea what they are talking about.

Classic Poop: The Day I Met Senator Ted Kennedy

Originally posted on June 16, 2006:

Today I met Splash. Splash is the dog of Senator Ted Kennedy. Splash is the author of a new children's book, called "My Senator and Me." It's written from the dog's perspective so I guess its a good book for dogs to read also.
Sen. Kennedy was very gracious, standing up to greet us (even though he has a back problem) and introducing himself and his wife to all of us. The dogs (Splash's brother Sunny came too) sat at the Senator's feet while he was eating fruit, even tapping him on the leg to get some. When I asked what kind of dogs they are Senator Kennedy said "Portguese water dogs."
I said "those are the dogs they have in San Francisco..."
He said "yes, at the ballpark to fetch the balls from the water. They're very strong swimmers."
His wife then got the dogs to do a trick. She broke a biscuit in half, they immediately followed her. They both went from sitting to the down position. She placed the biscuit halves about 6 inches from their noses. They waited patiently. She clapped and they pounced. Great dogs.
During the interview Splash sat quietly under the Senator's feet and played with his tennis ball.
I really liked the Senator and it just goes to show that your impression of someone from the media can be totally wrong. Knowing about someone is not the same as knowing them. And just because you disagree with someone's politics doesn't mean that he is not a good person.

Song of the Week

"Under" - Pleasure P

Product Review: Bachman's Puzzlers

Bachman’s Pretzel Puzzlers are quite simply the world’s most delicious snack.
Bachman’s has some special formula for making pretzels (baking them in brick ovens) that is like no other pretzel. It has this delicious burned flavoring to it.
And the shape also makes them unique. They are in the shape of puzzle pieces (the logo for Autism Speaks), which makes them great for dipping. Chase likes them with hummus.
But the Autism tie-in also means 5% of the proceeds go towards Autism research.
So at the rate of two bags per week, $3 per bag, I spend $300 a year on them, and $15 goes to Autism Speaks. That makes me feel good.

These are a Few of Mrs. Poop's Favorite Things

Rainbows, unicorns and me --- these are a few of Mrs. Poop's favorite things.

It Doesn't Seem Possible

Since no one is paying attention now might be a good time to point out some inconceivable occurences taking place during the dog days of this horrible Mets season.

Fernando Tatis is 1 for 33 with 2 outs and runners in scoring position.

As a team the Mets are 4 for 50 with the bases loaded and 2 outs.

Since June 1st, Johan Santana, one of the best second half pitchers ever, is 6-7 with a 4.03 ERA. Now he is likely out for the season with an elbow injury.

K-Rod started the season with a 0.59 ERA and 16 saves in 17 chances. The 17th chance being his first blown save, the one against the Yankees. Since then his ERA is 6.08 and he has blown four games and saved 11.

Gary Sheffield, a 40-year old on a team going nowhere reportedly demanded a contract extension because he was angry the Mets wouldn't let him go to the contending team that claimed him off waivers. When the Mets rejected his preposterous demand, he said he wanted to leave the team, but was bargained down to just sitting out one game.

Billy Wagner, another veteran playing out the string on a horrible team is expected to turn down a trade to the Boston Red Sox.

Oh yeah, the Mets also hit into a game-ending triple play, ending a chance to make an improbable comeback against the Phillies.

Do Beautiful Women Date Fat Dudes?

Cringe-worthy interview between my girl Jamie-Lynn Sigler and an ABC News reporter who doesn't follow the gossip pages or realize that life imitates art.
A must watch!

Quick Fix: Do Pretty Women Date 'Fat'...

Shared via AddThis

Happy Birthday Chase

Chase blows out the candle in his birthday Timbit:

Chase Through the Years

Chase on August 21, 2007:



Chase on August 21, 2008:



Chase on August 21, 2009:

New York's College Team

Apparently the taxi cabs ads aren't working because Syracuse University now has a new strategy to help it appeal to New York City.

Syracuse has agreed to play three home games against Notre Dame and Southern California over the next seven years in the new stadium at the Meadowlands.

The Orange will face USC in 2012 and Notre Dame in 2014 and 2016.

The new stadium will seat about 80,000 people, 30,000 more than capacity at the Carrier Dome, Syracuse's home field.

Now, there's two ways of looking at this. One, it'll be a great thing to get 80,000 people watching the Orange (probably get killed) against two national powers. But on the other hand, are you alienating the core upstate audience? Will season ticket sales be hurt in those years by taking the marquee game off the schedule.

SnoopCenter

I think Snoop Dogg might be slipping. He appeared on SportsCenter and had a pretty poor showing when asked to freestyle.



That was almost as bad when he was freestyling with Paris Hilton. Would it have killed him to throw in a couple athlete references like this classic freestyle from John Cena.

Erin Andrews Lives Out Her Locker Room Gang Bang Fantasy

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Product Review: Wendy's Boneless Buffalo Wings

I love to eat wings, but I hate to get messy, which often creates a problem for me.
But that’s why I love boneless wings they serve at Applebee’s, Buffalo Wild Wings and even at CitiField. And that’s why I was very excited when I learned Wendy’s would begin offering boneless wings.
The wings come a la carte for $3.99 and $5.99 with fries and a drink. For that you get 6 or 8 pieces, a pretty decent portion.
You can get one of three sauces, and I of course chose Buffalo. But this is where I was disappointed. The sauce was sufficiently spicy, but it had some kind of sweet aftertaste to it. More like a sweet and sour sauce than a buffalo-style sauce I like.
The chicken itself was fine, about what you would expect from a fast-food restaurant, but due to the weird-tasting sauce I’m not sure I would ever get these wings again.

Song of the Week

"I'm Yours" - Jason Mraz
The first dance for the Mr. and Mrs. Fox

Maybe We'll Make This an Annual Thing

Last year I demonstrated the upheaval in Diesel's life by showing him at the door in Maine in 2007 and 2008. Now let's see what has changed in 2009.

Diesel in Maine in 2007:



Diesel in Maine in 2008:


Diesel in Maine in 2009:

Let Him Play

Michael Vick has signed with the Philadelphia Eagles and pending review of his suspension by Commissioner Roger Goodell could be cleared to play in a regular season game no later than week 6, and I think he'll probably be reinstated for the first game.

I think the commissioner is doing the right thing by allowing Vick to re-enter the league.

My opinions on dogs and animals are well-known, I don't even kill flies. And it isn't even worth discussing his crimes because no reasonable person would dispute the horrific nature of the things he admitted doing.

But Vick spent the last two years in federal prison and other forms of confinement, a punishment that if it doesn't fit the crime at least satisfies our societal need for justice and fairness.

While considering the next step for Vick I cannot come up with any party who would benefit for Vick's permanent exclusion from the NFL. Certainly not his real victims, the dogs, whose future care depends on Vick's gainful employment.

Won't society as a whole be better served if Vick became a shining example of rehabilitation and personal responsibility?

I don't view Vick as a recidivism threat, nor do I think this will be viewed by anyone as a light punishment.

I think Vick should be reinstated immediately, with a zero tolerance policy.

But looking at this from a football standpoint I don't really think the Eagles are the best fit for him. Vick is not ready to be an NFL quarterback, he was never any good in the first place, and now he has two years of rust.

I would think Vick would be best served going to a team with a big bruising back whom he could replace on third downs. I also think he would have value in the wildcat formation where he could replace a big slow (probably white) quarterback and be a threat to run or pass.

His skills seem redundant with Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb.

But more important than how he performs on the field, I hope the remorse he reluctantly expressed is genuine and that he becomes a force for positive social change.

What Do You Give Me For? Javier Bardem and Jeffrey Dean Morgan

The only thing I know about Javier Bardem and Jeffrey Dean Morgan is that they look a lot alike






Story suggested by someone (Damino maybe?) a long time ago

What Really Happened

Long overdue, I know, but here's what really happened when Sgt. James Crowley arrested Henry Louis Gates.

Gates forgot his keys and tried to break into his own house.
A neighbor saw two guys trying to kick the door in and called the cops.
Crowley responded to scene where he was confronted by an already agitated Gates, who was pissed he forgot his keys.
And here's where the thing went off the rails.
Because Gates has spent years studying racial injustice he immediately had it in his head that the cop was there to harrass him because he's black.
In fact, according to the police report, when the cops rolled up to his house and asked him for his ID he said "why, because I'm a black man in America."
And at first Gates refused to show his driver's license, only offering his Harvard ID which didn't have proof of home address.
Gates was screaming and threatening Crowley, when Gates should have known he wasn't being targeted, someone had actually called 911 to report a suspected burglary in progress.
And here's the kicker, when Crowley asked to speak to Gates outside Gates said "I'll speak to yo' mama outside."

The reason why I decided to complete this post which I started about three weeks ago, is because that classic line wasn't reported in the mainstream media.
I had to read it in the police report. Well maybe you will say the police report contains inaccuracies, but Gates doesn't dispute any of this. Even at the famous beer summit he contended he was targeted because he was black.

So here's where the blame lies in this situation:
100% of the blame for his arrest goes to Gates. I don't care what color you are or how many years of oppression your people have suffered, in this situation Gates should have said "sorry officer, I forgot my keys, here's my driver's license to prove this is my residence. Thank you." Had he said that, this whole mess likely would have been avoided.

Blame also goes to the person in the Cambridge Police Department who said the 911 caller had identified the suspected robbers as black men. That wasn't true.

And last but not least, the President who turned the whole thing into a national shitstorm by taking his friend's word and making a half-cocked comment before he had any of the facts.

Free the Leash Kids

An Alabama woman was arrested and charged with first-degree cruelty to children.
Melissa Catherine Smith-Means was observed by customers and employees at a Verizon store in Alabama, dragging a small child around by a backpack leash. The child had visible marks on the neck from the incident.
The video hit youtube:



That caused a heated debate among parents and people who have never tried to wrangle an unruly child who kept running away or refused to walk.
We got Chase a leash because it truly is for his own safety. His favorite word is "hiding" so he is constantly running away to duck behind clothing racks.
Sure we get the occassional dirty look for treating our child like a naughty puppy, but our piece of mind is worth it.
Chase actually loves his leash and constantly calls for his monkey and asks to put it on.
Obviously I think the mother in this video went a little too far but I hope she doesn't give a bad name to all the leash-using parents.

Wishful Thinking

The Redskins may have been hoping Ladell Betts will run like Jerome Bettis this season because they put Bettis on his jersey for the preseason game against the Ravens.

Adrian Beltre's Nuts

Seattle Mariners third baseman Adrian Beltre was put on the 15-day disabled list with an injury to a testicle after taking a hard one-hopper off the bat of Chicago's Alexei Ramirez to his groin area.

Seattle manager Don Wakamatsu said the Gold Glove infielder is out indefinitely, and could need surgery because of bleeding in a testicle.

After fielding the grounder in the ninth inning, Beltre rushed a throw wide of first base for an error. He winced in pain but finished the game, which the Mariners won in 14 innings.

Beltre does not wear a protective cup because he says it's uncomfortable.

How does a major leaguer, a third baseman especially, not wear a cup? A lifetime of wearing a cup can't be as uncomfortable as one shot to the groin.

I'm actually shocked he finished the game.

Trashy Yankees Fans

Actress Kate Hudson has been spending a lot of time at Yankee Stadium recently watching her new boyfriend, Alex Rodriguez.
She seems to have made some new friends as she was photographed enjoying the game with Karen Burnett, Amber Sabathia and Michelle Damon.
Is it just me or is she the least attractive one here?
She looks like she needs a shower, a bra and some makeup.






And now it turns out Hudson doesn't get along with the smokingest Yankee WAG ever, Minka Kelly. According to the NY Post Minka likes to keep a low profile, sitting in a private box, while Kate Hudson sits in the front row so she can be seen. A Post insider (probably totally made-up), says there is a visible coldness between them and the other wives are choosing sides.