Love is Blind

Mandy Moore recently married singer Ryan Adams.
And I haven't the slightest idea why.

They Need to Pair This Guy With Sully

Southwest Airlines could charge extra for flights flown by Sully Sullenberger with this guy as the flight attendant.



Rapping the announcements, pretty impressive. Rapping the announcements without sounding cheesy and with a bunch of white people giving a ragged beat, now that's impressive.

Do Not Post About Your Job On Facebook

But if you do, make sure you spell everything correctly.
The Philadelphia Eagles fired a stadium emploee, Dan Leone after his status update said "Dan is fucking devastated about Dawkins signing with Denver ... Dam Eagles R Retarted!!"
Leone was upset about the Eagles allowing his favorite player Brian Dawkins to sign with the Broncos.
Leone who works the gate on gamedays was fired by phone a few days after that status update.

I wonder if the Eagles had a policy saying team employees could not be publicly critical of the organization. If so, his comments are reasonable cause for dismissal. Even if they didn't it should have been reasonably assumed that this behavior would not be appreciated.

Jimmy Fallon's Take on the 6 Overtime Game

Jimmy Fallon sucks and this skit is hardly amusing but I will do anything to keep the memory of that incredible Syracuse - UConn six overtime game on my mind.

The Song That Won't Die

Usually songs, no matter how popular, have their initial popularity, then fade away to be enjoyed with the occassional radio airplay or when you dig up that old CD or on a TV show or movie to evoke a certain time period.

But "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey seems to be the one song that refuses to go away. I admit it's a pretty good song, but I wouldn't consider it an all-time great. In fact that highest it got on the Billboard chart when it was released in 1981 was #9. But for some reason the song keeps making a comeback

The 2005 Chicago White Sox adopted it as their theme song after singing it at a karaoke bar, and even had Steve Perry sing it with them at their championship parade.



And most famously the song was used for the controversial but memorable final scene of "The Sopranos." After which I made it the Song of the Week and the video I used (one of the few SOTW that hasn't been taken down) has gotten more than 10 million views on youtube.



Now a dance artist named George Lamond has remixed the song with a cool beat, giving it life for a few more years.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It's March Madness, the NCAA Tournament and that means its time for the Poop's annual bracket challenge. Go to espn.com's tournament challenge, search for a group called "The Poop," make your picks before the tournament starts Thursday at noon and talk some trash in the comments section.
It's easy really.
Brackets for wives and children are acceptable, but you can only get credit for the picks made under your name.

The winner will be the recipient of a laudatory post like the one Beers received last year.

Hooves + Linoleum = Hilarity

Few things I've seen in my life amuse me more than the few times I've seen deer run into a store.



Poor deer, they never can get their footing on those slippery floors.

Sextuple OT

The most amazing, improbable, heart-stopping, exhilarating victory in Syracuse history. Sure there have been bigger games, and more important victories, but 6 overtimes -- nothing like that.
A team I have derided all season as not knowing how to win fended off five "game points" coming from behind in each of the first five overtimes (without ever holding a lead), pushing UConn to the breaking point, then finally breaking them in the sixth OT.
Without Onuaku, Ongenaet, Jackson and Devendorf, Paul Harris and Jonny Flynn carried Kris Joseph and a walk-on named Justin Thomas (with a little help from Andy Rautins) to a victory over the 4th ranked team in the country.
The big key here for SU was the free throw shooting. Flynn and Harris combined to make 29 of 30 from the line.



Rautins (as he usally does) contributing a couple big plays, including the 3-pointer 10 seconds into the 6th overtime to give SU its first lead in any of the OTs.



I still don't have high hopes for this team in the NCAA tournament, and expect them to have tired legs tonight against West Virginia, but they showed me something in this game about their heart and guts.

And even if this season results in another first round flameout (like the one after Gerry McNamamara's amazing Big East run in 2006), this game will go down as one of the most memorable in SU history.

And to think, it almost didn't happen. If the timekeeper starts the clock .2 of a second later, Devendorf wins the game with a 3 at the buzzer. In regulation.

Getting Chippy

Syracuse blowing out another bad team, this time it was Seton Hall in the second round of the Big East Tournament.
SU was leading by only 2, 46-44 with 16 minutes left in the second half when someone unsportsmanlike conduct by Seton Hall lit a fire under their ass.
It all started with a gangsta swat by Arinze Onuaku on a shot by John Garcia. Garcia then yapped in Onuaku's face, and Arinze responded by clapping with his huge hands right in Garcia's face. When Garcia shoved them away, the refs teed up both players.
Ten seconds later Kristof Ongenaet was fouled hard from behind on a breakaway by Brandon Walters.



Eric Devendorf got in the middle to separate them, Eugene Harvey put his hand on Devendorf's face and shoved him.
I thought SU players show considerable restraint in both incidents.



And living well is the best revenge as SU went on a 15-3 run, turning the game into a blowout.

Rap Battle

I think Paris Hilton may actually have taken our boy Snoop in this battle.

Song of the Week

"Til I Collapse" - Eminem
You are almost guaranteed to hear this song as walk-in music for at least one fighter on every MMA card.
And it makes me reflect on the career of Eminem (which seems pretty much over now).
And I always come back to the same conclusion, the guy had tremoundous potential to be the realest MC with the strongest lyrics but he chose to sell out and go pop.
But you can tell the guy had deep thoughts and when he let his deepest thoughts come out in his music that's when he was at his best.
"Music is like magic
there’s a certain feeling you get
when your real and you spit
and people are feeling your shit.
This is your moment
and every single minute you spend
trying to hold onto it
cause you may never get it again."



Note: there is no official video for this song

Jessica Biel's Ass

Jessica Biel made an awesome guest appearance on Saturday Night Live this week, presumably to keep an eye on her boyfriend Justin Timberlake. Gay-T appears on SNL pretty much every week, probably because he is gay with Andy Samberg.
Anyway, Samberg was playing annoying comic book heroine Kathy, JT was her boyfriend, that is until Biel walked in playing Jessica Rabbit.






That costume started the biggest debate in the history of the internet.
Is that ass real? There is a lot you can do with costume, and I agree she is sticking her ass our as she walks, but she has to be padding that thing.
I mean in these pictures her ass is big and round (in a good way) but nothing like that. I have to assume she's using performance enhancing substances.

I'll Take Good Looks Over a Sense of Humor Any Day

People (mosty women) often say they prefer sense of humor in a potential mate, as compared to good looks. Well now Vanity Fair has spoofed one of their more famous recent covers by anointing Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Jason Segel as the new Legends of Comedy.

But presented with the evidence I'd still take Keira Knightley and a humorless Scarett Johansson any day of the week.

Fort Malia and Fort Sasha

When Mrs. Poop was a little girl, her father built Fort Kate for her in the backyard, which was basically a really cool homemade swingset.
It even had rings, which Mrs. Poop was using to do a skin the cat, when she fell and broke her arm.
Eventually, Fort Kate had to be taken down (I think it was a drainage issue).
But Mrs. Poop did get a little jealous when she saw the gift Malia and Sasha Obama got from their daddy.
A huge new swingset (no rings, too dangerous) on the South Lawn of the White House so the President can look out the windows of the Oval Office (which he once mistook for doors) and see his girls playing in the yard.

Something to Think About As We Spring Ahead

Many of you are trudging into work this morning after getting one fewer hour of split and enjoying a weekend that was 2 percent shorter than every other weekend.
But at least you are not Tom Seaver.
A few years ago before he was mercilessly let go as Mets TV analyst, Tom Terrific a great story about the havoc "spring ahead" wreaked on his life.

In a measure of good planning, Seaver set his hotel room clock forward one hour before he went to bed. Little did he know that the clock would automatically reset itself at 2 am.

So when he woke up he thought he was an hour late, so he ran through the hotel lobby to catch the team bus. When he did, he thought he missed it, but he was actually an hour early.

I hope laughing at Tom Seaver will help you get through your "Spring Ahead" blues this morning.

How Did It Get To the 12th Floor?

I'm sitting quietly at my desk when all the sudden I hear a blood-curdling shriek. A girl I work with is standing in the lobby area of our floor shouting "roach, roach!"
Sure enough, there was a huge roach (at least 2 inches long) moseying along the tile floor. After a few minutes of laughter and a cell phone picture, I chased the roach into a conference room and caught it under a cup.
But when I tried to slid a paper under the cup, the roach ran away.
Fast little guy.
The elevators in my building are notoriously confusing. You select your floor outside the elevator and it tells you which elevator to take. When you get in, you don't press a button, you just wait to be lifted (or lowered) to your destination.

How did a cockroach figure that out?

Idol Chatter

The top 12 is set so I guess it's time to weigh in with my thoughts.

First let's deal with the Adam Lambert issue. The kid had a real chance. He could have taken his androgynous Clay Aiken-Annie Lenox thing to the top. But with these gay kiss and drag queen photos he's got no shot. Say what you want but people just don't like gay dudes. Look at every vote on gay marriage. People hate homos. And he coulda been a contender.




Most of the girls in the top 12 suck, except for 1 (I'll get to her later) so they will quickly be weeded out. But there are a couple of intriguing guys, most notably the two sympathy cases.

Scott MacIntyre makes me want to cry every time he sings. Fact is, the guy is awesome. He could be the white Stevie Wonder, or the blind Ray Charles, that's how good this guy is. But I'm just not sure this is his way to break into the industry. Especially because no one in his family wants to tell him "look bro, I can see, and your hair looks awful."



Then there's Danny Gokey who is everyone's odds-on favorite to win this thing. Not only can the guy really sing, but he has a dead wife (and not the O.J. Simpson kind either, she died during surgery, reportedly to treat a lifelong heart condition) which pulls on Mrs. Poop's heartstrings.



But sympathy will only take you so far in this contest. And with so many dudes being so good, I could easily see 5 vs. 1 in the final 6, they may cancel each other out.

And that is why Lil Rounds is going to win. Now lots of other great black women have been the best singers in their season (LaToya, LaKisha, Mandisa, Melinda) and got voted off because they weren't likable. But I don't see that problem with Lil. I listened to her performance of (former SOTW) "Be Without You" twice when I watched the show and five more times while I was writing this.

We Can't Even Have Salt?

A group of Jesus loving nutbags has had enough of this shit. Jews have monopolized the salt industry for far too long. For too many years Jews have pushed their agenda through Kosher salt. But those days are over. As a way to end years of oppression, some dumbass is now selling Christian Blessed Salt, which will be blessed by an Episcopalian priest. Because you really can't trust those rabbis.

Seinfeld with the "F" Word

When I was at Syracuse I attended a teleconference featuring the producers of some of the more successful sitcoms airing at that time. The panel had about four uptight people who took themselves and their shows very seriously (including Christopher Lloyd from Frasier -- no, not that Christopher Lloyd) and then there was Larry David.

When the panel was asked what kind of show they would do were it not for network sensors, the assembled gave the typical pompous liberal answers. I think one said "a sitcom about a lesbian couple raising a baby, a son probably." What's funny about that I have no idea.

But when it was Larry David's turn to answer, he simply said "Seinfeld with the F--- word."

And for that I always admired him, he was doing (almost) exactly what he wanted to be doing, and then when that ended he did "Curb Your Enthusiasm" which when you think about it, is basically Seinfeld with the F--- word.

Now Larry David is coming a little closer to that dream.
When Curb starts its new season this fall (finally) Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander and Michael Richards will appear in several episodes.
Dreyfus and Alexander have already been on the show at times, but Seinfeld hasn't. Nor has Richards, and he presents the most interesting challenge.

What will they do with him? Ignore his outburst, lampoon it? Will people be angry Richards is getting another chance? And what will Jerry do. I hope he comes back as the manager for Krayzee Eyes Killa.

I can't wait to find out.

John Starks Can Relate

UAB guard Robert Vaden was averaging 18.7 points per game and shooting 36% from 3-point land entering his team's key game against Memphis.
While his teammates fought valiantly in an attempt to end Memphis's ridiculous conference winning streak, 54 games, Vaden single-handedly shot them out of the game.
Vaden's stats:
3 points
0-17 FG
0-12 3pt

Eerily reminiscent of John Starks's line when he shot the Knicks right off the NBA Finals by going 2 for 18 (0 for 11 from behind the arc.

I can only imagine how Vaden's teammates felt, shouting "I'm open" while this chucker tries to shoot himself out of a slump in the most important game of the year.

Bad memories.

Murray Chass is Always 10 Years Behind Me

SCZA e-mailed me an article by Hall of Fame baseball writer Murray Chass.
Before I go on let's get a couple things on the table. I hate Murray Chass. He's a pompous douche who belittled me when I suggested steroids where prevalent in baseball.
I hate Mike Piazza, too. Similar to the way I feel about Michelle Obama, it's not Piazza I hate, the treatment of him, the ignorance of the facts regarding him and his poor clutch performance are the reasons I dislike Piazza.
And about 10 years ago I said with near certainty that Piazza was a steroid user.

There is just too much overwhelming evidence against him. He went from skinny 62nd round draft pick to muscle-bound Hall of Famer. He went from feared slugger to decripit old man who tore a muscle moving out of the way of a pitch. And his statistical decline too conveniently mirrored the arrival of punitive steroid testing in baseball.

And one more thing, according to Murray Chass, Piazza had really bad back acne, an obvious sign of steroid use.

Now Chass, who had his head in the sand for years on steroids claims to have known it all along but his editors would never let him voice his suspicions about Piazza. And even now Chass would have kept looking the other way except his piece gave him the chance to criticize a much better article by his apparent nemesis Joel Sherman of the Post.

The point is this, so many baseball players were using steroids during the period from 1993 to 2003 (Piazza's heyday) it would be almost impossible to imagine that one of the few cleans guys also happens to have this many red flags.

And Murray Chass is a self-righteous asshole who was a big part of the problem.

Liquidation Sales are a Scam

With 200,000 retail stores expected to close in the next few years, I think I should warn Poopheads about liquidation sales.
The stores lure shoppers in with advertisements saying things like "25% off," "50% off" and "everything must go."
Truth is, you're unlikely to find a good deal on anything you want at a liquidation sale.
Here's why:
Most stores always sell items at prices lower than the suggested retail price. But before the liquidation sale starts, they mark everything up to full value, then take the discount. Just for argument's sake (I'll give a concrete example later), let's say Best Buy sells a $300 TV for $250. Now Circuit City is selling the same TV for 25% off, off $300. That means $225. Is $25 enough incentive to buy a TV?
And since liquidation sales can last months, the real deep discounting doesn't begin until the last few weeks.
By that time, just about everything worth having is already gone.

Other disadvantages include no returns, poor customer service and sometimes cash only. Manufacturer's warranties are still good however.

But despite all this I had to check it out for myself so I went to Circuit City. I checked out the TVs and DVDs, then went to Best Buy to comparison shop. On the way back to Circuit City Chase fell asleep so I had to go home.
But I took Chase back a couple days later and realized that the TVs from the name brands (Sony, LG) were basically the same price in both stores.
The TVs that were really cut-rate were brands I'd never heard of.
They did have some good DVDs on sale, but after the markup, the prices weren't significantly lower.
For instance, I bought "The Express" and "Horton Hears a Hoo." Both movies were $19.99 at Best Buy, and $21.99 at Circuit City.

About a month after that shopping trip, Circuit City announced a deeper price cut.
But by the time we had a chance to go back, the store was decimated. There were still a few large TVs by major brands, but even at 40% discounts they were still mostly priced within the range you could buy them for anytime at Best Buy, Wal-Mart or Target.

Perfect Camera Angle

Jennifer Love HugeTits, I mean Jennifer Love Hewitt, doing push-ups on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Puppy Dream

Diesel often has what are called puppy dreams, when he starts barking and yipping and we think he's dreaming about running in the woods because his paws are going nuts.
But he has nothing on Bizkit.

Here's to 3-9

The last few seasons haven't ended great for The Ohio State Buckeyes, but at least they've got hating Michigan.
Now Maker's Mark bourbon has a new billboard in Columbus, celebrating the Wolverines' horrible 2008 season.



Story suggested by Pizza Parlor Derek

Song of the Week

"What They Do" - The Roots
I remember when these guys were the choice of sophisticated rap fans. It seems they lost the battle (and rap music is the worse for it) because now The Roots is the house band for the Jimmy Fallon show.
I never loved the Roots but always thought this song was pretty good.

Why Am I Not Excited?

The Redskins signed the best defensive player in football yet I'm not really excited about the signing.
The Redskins have tried this philosophy of team-building before and it hasn't quite worked out.
But the difference between Dana Stubblefield (and Bruce Smith and especially Deion Sanders) and Albert Haynesworth is that Haynesworth is in his prime at only 27 years old.
But the problem here is that in the NFL there’s a salary cap. In order to get someone in, you have take to someone out.
In this case the Redskins got rid of Shawn Springs, Marcus Washington, Philip Daniels and now Jason Taylor.
They also signed DeAngelo Hall to a huge deal because they think him and Carlos Rogers can be a great cornerback duo.
They also added guard Derrick Dockery in the only move which demonstrates an understanding that it was the offense that failed the team during the last 8 weeks of the season.

But going back to Haynesworth for a second, don’t believe everything you read in the papers. It is not a 7-year $100 million deal. It’s a 4-year, $48 million deal. In year 5 Haynesworth would get $29 million. No way that’s happening. The reason it works for Haynesworth is he gets $41 million guaranteed and can still hit the free agent market at a decent age. At $12 million per, it’s actual a fair deal for the best defender in the league. The problem is, not only did they release four players to fit in Haynesworth and Hall, they also renegotiated contracts with several others. Meaning if this gamble doesn’t pay off with a Super Bowl win, the team will be crippled capwise for years to come.

That’s exactly what happened the last three times the Redskins tried this philosophy. Maybe this time will be different.

Even Mrs. Poop Would Have Done This

Two nurses at Mercy Walworth Medical Center in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin have been fired for taking a picture of a patient's X-ray and posting it on Facebook.
The patient was admitted to the emergency room with something lodged in his rectum. The nurses took pictures of the X-rays when they realized it was a sex device.

Now let me say that Mrs. Poop is the nicest, sweetest person I know. She's also the best nurse. She's very loving, caring and nurturing. She takes her job very seriously and cares for her patients, their well-being and their privacy.

But if she ever saw an X-ray of a guy with a dildo stuck up his ass, damn right she'd take a camera phone picture of his X-ray.
I'd be furious with her if she didn't.
But this is where Mrs. Poop would have been smarter than these women. You don't put it on Facebook.

And if it's just an X-ray, without a guy's name or face, you're not really compromising his privacy.

Now, I'm not saying this is the right thing to do (even though it isn't illegal it technically violates hospital policy) but it's akin to finding a bag full of money. Very few of us would actually turn it in to the police.

Nope, when you find a treasure, you take it home, share it with your loved ones and closest friends and you keep your mouth shut.

Killing Two Birds With One Stone

Vivid Video, in a clever marketing campaign for their company has offered the loathsome Octomom $1 million plus medical and dental insurance for all 14 of her kids if she will do porn.
I think she has to take their offer.
The biggest criticism of her is that she is not a good mother because she did something irresponsible and now she doesn't have the means to care for her kids.
What would we admire more than a mother who does something unpleasant to bring home money to feed and care for her kids.
We laud and respect women who scrub toilets or wait tables for $6 an hour to feed their familes.
How is this any different?
Don't tell me she is selling her dignity, she obviously has none of that. And laundering soiled bed linen as a hotel maid is dignified work?
Plus, she says she hasn't had sex in 8 years.
I know you were wondering when I was going to mention that second bird.

America's Newest Celebutard

As much as I love black women with big asses, I have to say I am getting a little sick of Michelle Obama.
Once again, this has very little to do with her and more to do with the breathless praise of everything she does ("oh my she took out her weave") and wears ("how bold, she goes sleeveless in February! If you had toned arms like hers you would too!").

Her latest transgression (in my eyes) is the People Magazine cover that shows her looking great (she is an attractive woman) and showing off her toned arms. She looks and sounds like any other celebrity mother when she talks about the rules she has for her daughters. Presumably, they wear $100 frocks from J. Crew while Michelle prances in $5000 custom made gowns is one of them.



In this People article she did break the one piece of news I've been waiting to hear. The Obamas will be getting a Portuguese Water Dog (outsourcing) some time in April or May. And the name hasn't been decided, but Frank and Moose are top contenders.

I love Sasha and Malia, they deserve a dog. They also deserve a mother who is more concerned with raising them than with raising her own celebrity profile.

Michelle seems like just more proof that my largest fear about the Obama Administration is slowly coming true, even though we're only a month into it. For the next 7 years and 11 months style will trump substance.

And while Obama may well be the next John Kennedy, I have a comment for Michelle, "you think you're the black Jackie O but you're really not."

Times They Are a Changin

In the future you will be able to watch any episode of any TV show or any movie or listen to any song ever made on any device (computer, cell phone, TV) you want, at any time you want.
Trust me, that is the future.
But media companies are trying their best to resist this eventuality.
They should take notice of this study from Nielsen which shows the changing viewing habits of Americans.


"Nielsen found that during the fourth quarter of 2008 the number of users and the time spent watching each of the three screen media (TV, computer, mobile device) rose from the previous quarter.
The biggest jumps came in the number of viewers watching video on mobile devices and "time shifted" television, that is, programming viewed with a digital-video recorder. Each rose about 9% in the fourth quarter from the third quarter. Roughly 11 million people used mobile viewing and 74 million people watched DVR programming. Internet video users increased 2.3% to 123 million people.

Traditional television is still the most popular by far. Roughly 285 million of the nation's 306 million people (who are these 21 million people? the blind? infants? the comatose?) watched TV in their home in the fourth quarter, up about three million people, or 1%, from the prior quarter.

Television also wins in terms of the time spent on each medium. People spent more time watching TV: an average of 151 hours a month or five hours a day -- a record high, according to Nielsen. That is a 7% increase, or roughly 11 hours more.

Internet video viewers, on the other hand, spent just under three hours on that a month, or 22 more minutes than the prior quarter, a nearly 15% increase.

In both time spent and number of viewers, Internet video grew at a rate twice that of television.
For the first time in the Nielsen study, people ages 18-24 spent nearly the same amount of time -- roughly five hours -- watching Internet video each month as they did watching DVR programs. Other age brackets watched half as much or less Internet video than they did DVR video.

Online video viewing is increasingly seen as more valuable than DVR viewing because, unlike DVR viewing, viewers can't fast-forward through the advertising.

Television viewing, however, remains the most valuable for advertisers because of its breadth of audience."

Song of the Week

"Maybe I Deserve" - Tank

TallSkott was Ahead of His Time

For years TallSkott dominated the scene at Rab's Bowling on the Green with his unique delivery. Placing only his thumb in the ball, he was able to generate ridiculous (but sometimes uncontrollable) spin on his ball.
Now a young Australian named Jason Belmonte is revolutionizing bowling with his own unique delivery, a variation of TallSkott's.

Whatever Happened to Chief Kickingstallionsims?

The college basketball player who first gained fame back in 2006 for his ridiculous name is back in the spotlight.
After transferring from Stetson, Chief Kickingstallionsims transferred to Alabama State.
The Hornets lead the SWAC with a 13-1 conference record and have a pretty good chance to make the NCAA Tournament.
If they do, they'd likely be seeded into the play-in game which would give the Chief some national exposure.
The 7'1" senior center is averaging 9.3 points, 4.3 rebounds and 2.8 blocks.
He scored 16 points on February 23 in a victory over Alcorn State.
And back on February 7, he blocked 11 shots against Arkansas-Pine Bluff, the most blocks in a game by any player in the country this season.

A Week Inside the Big East With Syracuse

The following article about a week on the road in the Big East with the Syracuse Orange provides a cool look inside the toughest conference in the country through the eyes of our favorite team.
I post it in its entirety because I know some of you are too lazy to click to read things, while others of you may not be able to see the link (not sure if its subscriber only).

Enjoy!

The Big Brutal Story
By Jack McCallum


It had been a rough week for Syracuse junior forward Paul Harris, one of many tough ones in the meat grinder known as the Big East Conference. He had played a mediocre game in a 102-85 loss to Villanova on Feb. 7 and a far-less-than-mediocre game in a 63-49 loss to the nation's No. 1 team, Connecticut, on Feb. 11, both on hostile courts.

One-on-one powwows during the week with his coach, Jim Boeheim, had not exactly lifted his spirits and certainly didn't take place at Harris's instigation. On perhaps a dozen occasions, on the court or in the locker room, Boeheim had gone after Harris for hanging his head after bad plays and, as the coach saw it, disregarding instructions.

One example: Boeheim thought that Harris had repeatedly -- and unwisely -- challenged UConn's 7' 3" center Hasheem Thabeet when the big man had space to make a block or change a shot. This went against a game plan that strictly admonished, You must get into his body in order to attack him. You have to take it through his face.



But now it was three o'clock last Saturday afternoon, and a 98-94 overtime win over Georgetown before 32,000 orange-wearing loyalists at the Carrier Dome was a few minutes old, and Harris was smiling. Sort of. "To be honest with you, having Coach Boeheim on me all the time is hard," said Harris, whose full-court inbounds pass to junior guard Eric Devendorf all but sealed the game with 18 seconds left in OT after the Orange had blown a 16-point lead in the final eight minutes of regulation. "It doesn't do any good debating with him, because you can't win. He gets me thinking too much about mistakes." Harris paused. "But I'm going to keep going because that's what you gotta do. This is the Big East, right?"

Copy that, as Jack Bauer says. The victory stopped an unnerving Syracuse skid -- six losses in the previous eight games, all to Big East opponents -- that showed how hard it is for a good but not great team to gain traction in a conference that offers precious few soft touches. Just ask Georgetown, the only team to have beaten UConn this season, until the Huskies fell on Feb. 16 against fourth-ranked Pitt. The Hoyas, who were once ranked as high as ninth in the country, were in 12th place in the Big East at week's end. Playing the nation's second-toughest schedule, they had lost eight of their last 11 conference games and, at 13-10 overall, will probably need to win at least five of their last six to get an NCAA bid. Georgetown is spinning in what Connecticut coach Jim Calhoun calls "the washer, a cycle of losing with seemingly no way out."

Over the last three weeks Notre Dame has gotten Maytagged too. Ranked as high as seventh six weeks ago, the Irish (11th- most-difficult schedule) lost six league games in a row, and chances are that its surprising 90-57 rout of then fifth-ranked Louisville last Thursday will not persuade the NCAA selection committee to award the Irish a tournament berth.

"Our bottom teams would be middle to top tier anywhere else in the country, including the ACC," says Pitt point guard Levance Fields, whose Panthers are ranked fourth behind UConn, Oklahoma and North Carolina in the latest AP poll. "Quality teams like Georgetown and Notre Dame are struggling because of how tough the league is."

Boeheim, now in his 33rd season as Syracuse's coach, agrees. "This is the best our conference has ever been," he says. The primary reason, Boeheim and others say, is experience. West Virginia's Joe Alexander and Syracuse's Donte Green were the only Big East players of note to bolt school early for the NBA last year, leaving behind such seasoned talents as UConn's Thabeet, Notre Dame's Luke Harangody and Marquette's Jerel McNeal.

Playing my-conference-is-better-than-your-conference is part of the charm of college hoops, particularly as Selection Sunday (March 15) draws nigh. The whir of propaganda machines on college campuses and in conference offices as always provides the background music around this time of year. But the Big East -- overloaded with talent, toughness, tenacity and, for that matter, teams (16, the most in the country) -- would seem to have a strong case for being the nation's best, which is all the more remarkable since it looked in danger of extinction five years ago when Boston College, Miami and Virginia Tech took flight to the ACC for the sake of football. As things stand, the Big East is a good bet to get eight teams into the NCAA tournament, as it did in setting a record last season. But that's still only half the conference; if the ACC gets seven (also a good bet), that's 58% of its 12-team league.

On the other hand, playing 18 conference games (schools elsewhere play 14 to 16) all but guarantees that even a good Big East team might have more losses at the end of the season than a comparable team in another league (though 24-2 UConn and 24-2 Pitt, who threw down on Monday night in Hartford, don't seem to recognize that).

But rather than just crunch the numbers, SI examined the Big East by spending a behind-the-scenes week with Syracuse as it ended a brutal run of games against elites UConn and Pitt; almost-elite Louisville and Villanova; and dangerous (though inconsistent) West Virginia, Notre Dame, Providence and Georgetown (twice!).


FEB. 7, PHILADELPHIA
Big crowds, big cities

Sophomore point guard Jonny Flynn bops onto the Syracuse bus outside the team's hotel in Philadelphia for the trip to the Wachovia Center and bumps fists with all aboard. Earlier he had rhapsodized to a reporter about his Big East bona fides.



"I been hearing about the big, bad Big East my whole life," says Flynn, who comes from Niagara Falls. "My pops [Reverend William Flynn] used to go on and on about it. Chris Mullin. Patrick Ewing. Derrick Coleman. I got it from a young age."

Flynn, a Niagara Falls High teammate of Harris's, remembers the first time he came to the Carrier Dome in Syracuse on a rec-league trip. "Seeing that many people in one place," he says, "is something that never left me. Coming to school here was a no-brainer."

It's hard to overestimate the effect that Syracuse's domed facility (capacity of 49,000, which essentially translates to endless for basketball) had on the growth of the Big East after it opened in 1980. Architecturally a white elephant to some, it had one overarching factor in its favor: Recruits loved the idea of routinely performing in front of 30,000 sets of eyes. Couple that with a season-ending appearance at Madison Square Garden, where the conference tournament has been held since '83, and the combination can be irresistible. "No matter what kind of year you've had," says Big East commissioner Mike Tranghese, who is retiring at the end of the season, "you get the chance to redeem yourself in New York City in prime time. Recruits love that."

The problem for Syracuse on this day, however, lies in Philadelphia, where the 21,000-seat Wachovia Center is filled to capacity. Boeheim warns that Villanova is undersized but scrappy, qualities that become evident from the tip-off. Syracuse, particularly shooting guard Devendorf (seven turnovers), can't handle the Wildcats' relentlessly aggressive trapping and ball hawking, and loses 102-85.

Afterward Boeheim is asked whether he was surprised by the number of fouls -- 29 on Villanova and 24 on the 'Cuse. "No," says Boeheim, "I was more surprised by the 25 that weren't called."

FEB. 9, SYRACUSE
Hard play, no whining allowed

Sarcasm aside -- and Boeheim does sarcasm as well as anyone -- his team's inability to match Villanova's physical play is a major concern for the coach, particularly with top-ranked UConn looming two days hence. The league has always had a tough, urban edge to it, man-to-man being the defense of choice, Syracuse's 2-3 zone notwithstanding. "Most kids want to play a physical style," says Boeheim, "and if they don't, they think they do."

Boeheim detects a lackadaisical bent to practice at the Dome on this Monday afternoon. With Thabeet in mind, the coach comes down hard on Harris for flipping up a layup rather than going strong. "The big guy blocked 10 last year," Boeheim shouts. "You want him to get 12 on Wednesday?" (Actually, Thabeet blocked seven shots in UConn's 63-61 win last February.) Then the coach turns his attention to Flynn. "When you put your hand under the ball, that is a carry," he says after his sophomore leader is called for traveling, a rarity in practice. "Do you want to learn or not?"

Later, Boeheim gathers his players and lectures them about their propensity for making excuses and pointing fingers. "The only way to get through this is together," he says. "This is too tough a league to do it as individuals." To a man, the Orange players insist that they will stay together. Besides, says guard Andy Rautins (whose father, Leo, starred for Boeheim in the early 1980s), this tough stretch of games is exactly "what we signed on for when we came to the Big East."

FEB. 11, STORRS, CONN.
Colorful coaches... with a few concerns

Four hours before tip-off, Jim Calhoun relaxes courtside and declares that he's feeling "better than ever." That's saying something, considering that seven months ago the UConn coach was finishing a six-week course of almost daily radiation treatments after doctors removed 36 lymph nodes, initially feared to be malignant, from his neck. His taste buds were dulled and he lost 24 pounds. "As a diet, I don't recommend it," he says, "but I like the end result." He has been pronounced cancer-free.

The Big East rose, in part, through the entertainment value provided by an array of coaching characters in the '80s, originals who, instead of the magisterial gravitas of a Dean Smith or a Mike Krzyzewski, exhibited a streetball intensity that hammered home the blue-collar ethos of the league. There was Boeheim, bookishly bespectacled but prickly and competitive; Georgetown's John Thompson, towel over shoulder, scowling and mysterious; Villanova's Rollie Massimino, roundish and fun-loving but able to go volcanic in an instant; St. John's Lou Carnesecca, impishly lovable but ready to steal your shoes if you turned your head.

Calhoun -- tall, formidable, challenge ever-present in his tough-guy, Braintree, Mass., stare -- fit right in when he joined this colorful group in 1986. Within a couple of seasons he had lifted the Huskies into that magic circle of Big East perennials. During his tenure, Boeheim has kept the 'Cuse there. Relative newcomers Mike Brey (Notre Dame), Jamie Dixon (Pitt), John Thompson III (Georgetown) and Jay Wright (Villanova) have lifted their programs to a similar level. The bench presence of Rick Pitino, competitive and dapper as ever, will almost certainly assure that Louisville, now in its fourth year of Big East play, is annually near the top of the heap. And look for West Virginia to get better under Bob Huggins, now in his second season in Morgantown.

"Part of the whole thing about the Big East is the coaches," says Syracuse's Flynn. "You really know those guys."

So there is Calhoun, 66, two NCAA titles and three bouts with cancer (prostate in 2003 and skin in '06) behind him, feisty and ready to go, pronouncing this season's team as one of his alltime favorites. "It's a blessing to coach these guys," he says.

Still, there are worries. After the football defections, the Big East restocked but ended up with some geographically quizzical matchups (anyone think Marquette-South Florida screams Big East?) and an unwieldy conference tournament that this season features a double bye for its top four teams. "I don't even like one bye," says Calhoun, "so you can imagine what I think about two." He also feels for the bottom-feeders in a 16-team conference. "You can do a great job of getting better," Calhoun says, "but look at how many really good teams you have to pass to get near the top."

The top is where Connecticut is, though, and on this night the Orange is no match. In the Huskies' 63-49 victory Boeheim's players don't take the ball through Thabeet's face; instead he sends it back in theirs. The center finishes with seven blocks and 16 rebounds, guard A.J. Price has 17 points and the sharpshooting that the Orange needs is not there -- Flynn, Devendorf and Rautins are a combined 13 of 35 from the field.

Syracuse is now 18-7 and skidding fast, and Boeheim decides that it's time to "talk big picture for a minute" as he addresses his team in a graveyardlike locker room after the game. "We're 6-6 in the league. We'd all like to be better. But our whole purpose this year is... what? Paul?"

"Get to the NCAA tournament," mumbles Harris.

"Right," says Boeheim. "The important thing is to get in. We have six games left. We can't give one away. And it starts Saturday. Georgetown is good, no matter how much trouble they've had lately. But if we play well, we will beat them. O.K.?"

Heads nod. Hands come together. Voices raise. But there is a sense of uncertainty in the room as everyone prepares for a 70-minute flight back to Syracuse that will seem like an eternity.

FEB. 14, SYRACUSE
The league that TV built

Tip-off on ESPN is noon, one of 10 starting times for Syracuse this season, which is not atypical. "The league is TV-oriented or TV-mandated," says Pitt coach Dixon, "whatever you want to call it." Either will do.

In 2006, Tranghese struck a six-year deal that puts every Big East game on television, either on CBS or one of the ESPN outlets, resulting in a schedule that is, well, squirrelly. "Because of TV, we play on so many different nights of the week that it's hard to keep track," says Dixon. "We had a stretch of one game in seven days, then four games in nine days." Syracuse played four games from Jan. 10 to Jan. 19 but will have eight days off after today. Calhoun, whose teams had four games from Jan. 15 to Jan. 24, isn't exactly complaining -- after all, who can complain about too much TV, since TV brings in the recruits -- but he does wonder if the combination of the tough league, the schedule and the seams-bursting conference tournament might have the Big East "eating its young."

At any rate, Syracuse looks ready for a minivacation as it bumbles its way into overtime against Georgetown by surrendering 30 points over the final 6:30. But in the extra session two momentum-changing three-pointers by Devendorf, superb point guard play by Flynn (six points, two assists, one rebound) and the Boeheim-designed out-of-bounds play that gets Devendorf a layup combine to turn the tide.

"I'm getting too old for this," the 64-year-old Boeheim says as his team jubilantly gathers around him after the game. He wants to acknowledge the game's importance in the run-up to the NCAA tournament but stops short. "I'll tell you what. This is the game that... well, all we really know is that it gets us going again and probably knocks them out." In truth, Syracuse's 19th win all but locks up a bid.

The coach stays positive for a minute or two but, being Boeheim, just can't keep himself from turning gloomy. "If we would've blown this game," he says, "it would've been the worst loss in the history of Syracuse basketball."



A chorus of groans follows. "No, seriously," he continues. "Are you kidding me? A 16-point lead at home. It would...."

In the back of the room, Flynn stands up. "Hold it, Coach. We've heard it all before," the point guard says, waving his arms. He raises his hands to bring the team together, leaving a smiling Boeheim shrugging his shoulders and effectively ending the lecture. Man, how Harris would've liked to have done the same thing a few times during the week.

Good for Andy Roddick

Andy Roddick has withdrawn from a tourney in Dubai after a female tennis player was denied an entry visa to Dubai because she is Israeli.
Shahar Peer, the 48th-ranked women’s player in the world was unable to play in the Barclay's Dubai Tennis Championships.
Tournament officials cited local public opinion about Israel’s incursion into the Gaza Strip, the possibility of a spectator boycott and the security of Peer as reasons to deny her a visa.
Andy Ram of Israel was allowed to play in the men's tournament which is currently underway.
And kudos also to the Tennis Channel which decided not to broadcast the tournaments, instead airing the best matches from Peer's and Ram's careers.

The ATP and WTA, as well as all the players, specifically the Williams sisters (who often complain about discrimination -- evidently only until it applies to someone else) should be ashamed of their decision to participate. And Barclay's should have withdrawn its sponsorship of the event.

But hopefully the exposure given this issue will prevent this from happening again in the future.

A Cold-Blooded Thing to Say To A Mother Fucker Before You Pop a Cap in His Ass

The "Tiger Woods is Back" hype hits a high note with this awesome ad featuring Samuel L. Jackson recreating his famous "Ezekiel 25:17" speech from "Pulp Fiction."

What I Should Have Said Theater

UConn men's basketball coach Jim Calhoun freaked out on a blogger who questioned the coach's salary:



But instead of repeatedly imploring him to get some facts, and even offering to fight the guy (I think that's what he meant), this is what Calhoun should have said:

"The number one reason America is the best country in the world is because someone can come from nothing and through hard work rise up and become a success, and get paid a lot of money for a job well done.
"I feel really badly about the financial troubles our country and this state are going through right now but it's not my fault. I'm not a bank CEO, taking millions in bonuses while running the company into the ground. I get paid a very nice salary to win basketball games and produce revenue for the University. And the basketball team brought in $12 million last year.
"My heart goes out to the families who are struggling right now, out of work, maybe kicked out of their homes. But I don't think the way to solve this problem is to change our financial system. There seem to be a lot of people out there recently who think we should become a socialist country. Every rich person should keep a little bit for himself and pay everything else away in taxes so the government can give it to poor people. But that's not the way our capitalist system works. Right now, we're going through a tough time, but if we let the system work, it will work, and the U.S. will be back on top again."

Maybe This is Why Special K Beat Me At Scrabble

I am still bitter from a Scrabble game several years ago which I lost to Special K because she used a French word (I forget what she said "Qxrzy" means in French) so I've been studying Scrabble in anticipation of a rematch.
And boy was I shocked to discover the word of the day (yes the real word of the day) that came up on Hasbro's website.



Dildo: an object used as a penis substitute

My Red Carpet Special

Because I am so good looking and so well-dressed, who better than me to criticize the way some of the most beautiful women in the world look, and what they are wearing. But this is what people want on the internet the morning after the Oscars.

Natalie Portman looked the best out of the women I saw. She is too skinny to be considered really hot, but she looked great.



A couple of hot women and Poop favorites, Jessica Biel and Maria Menounos wore nice dresses, but dresses that didn't exactly complement their ridiculous figures.



What the fuck is that shit on the bottom of Maria's dress?



On the other hand, Beyonce. Some women didn't exactly love the design of this dress, but no one can argue that it accentuates her curves.



Look at that ass, good lawd, don't hurt nobody.



Isla Fisher looked a little pale in this red dress.



This is Alicia Keys, who is learning what she needs to do to become a mainstream artist



Sophia Loren, not bad for 74. I'm considering a WYB?



Then there's Goldie Hawn, who is beginning to show all of her 63 years. Mrs. Poop said she was "a hot mess."



Phoebe Cates looks a lot better in a red bikini than in a red dress. The years have not been kind to her.



Jennifer Grey must have the same plastic surgeon as Mickey Rourke. She doesn't look like the same person who danced her way into our hearts as Baby in "Dirty Dancing."



Sarah Jessica Parker was by far the most disgusting looking woman at the Awards. She has really tiny tits, so I have no idea what kind of bra she was working with but these things were pushed up so high and so wide.

Two Years Ago on the Poop

One of the most exciting, special, wonderful and yet somehow controversial posts in the history of the Poop. The one where I announced Mrs. Poop was pregnant with Chase.
Pretty amazing that two years have gone by since then (and that Chase is 18 months old now).
I just went back and reread all the nice messages of congratulations we received back then and it reinforces my decision to break this news (and the news of the previous miscarriage) on the Poop.
I wouldn't be able to go back and smile if I did what the haters wanted and called you individually to tell you.
That's fine for some people, but not for me.
I love all my Poopheads and I'm pleased to get to share my life with you all.
But you could you please stop voting against me in the polls simply out of spite.

What Do You Give Me For? Amy Adams and Isla Fisher

I just learned Amy Adams and Isla Fisher are not the same person. And only one of them is married to Borat.
And I have no idea which is which in the below picture.





Note: Anyone giving this a grade lower than 10 is kindly asked explain your reasoning in the comments section. It is also recommended you get your eyes checked and stop reading this blog. We don't want your kind here.

Jessica Biel Simulates Fellatio

Do I know how to write headlines or what? Who wouldn't look at this picture after reading that?
Apparently this picture was taken on the set of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and someone had a sausage link just laying around.
So Jessica Biel got down on her knees and pretended she was about to blow the lucky piece of meat.

From Melons to Peanuts

Peanuts can be a very hard word to say on television because if you don't annunciate, it might sound like you are saying something else. I've heard anchors and reporters screw this up several times, but none as sexy as Zain Verjee:



Zain is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in person. I've often said when Neandrathals were drawing pictures on walls in caves, they were drawing Zain Verjee. She's about 5-foot-10 and very curvy, which led to this comment by Kyra Phillips:



And Zain also has a great sense of humor which is why following that incident she appeared next time holding a couple of melons.

Paulo's Book Club: "Boys Will be Boys"

"'Charles used to beat off in meetings while talking graphically about players' wives...It got to the point of ejaculation."

And Charles Haley is just one of the interesting character Jeff Pearlman introduces us to in "Boys Will be Boys: The Glory Days and Party Nights of the Dallas Cowboys Dynasty."



The book’s central character is Michael Irvin. His arrival coincided with the team’s ascent and his demise mirrored the organization’s fall. Irvin is portrayed as the playground bully. If you didn’t follow him he punched you in the face, but if you stuck with him he’d give you the two hottest groupies in the bar, before choosing the ones he was taking to his room to perform lesbian sex shows. Irvin was the central protagonist, defining the Cowboys with his arrogance and his party hard, play harder ethos. It was Irvin who took over the Cowboys charity basketball team, Irvin who was among those behind the White House and Irvin who fractured the team when he stabbed offensive line Everett McIver in the neck with scissors.

Aside from Irvin, the action in the book revolves around Jerry Jones and his two coaches. Jimmy Johnson is portrayed as a dick who cuts players just to send a message to his team. He treated everyone like shit and wanted all the credit for the team’s success. And that’s what pissed off Jerry Jones who thought anyone could win the Super Bowl with his team, and that’s exactly what Barry Switzer did. But Switzer is portrayed as a bad coach, who delegated everything and never disciplined anyone (with good reason, as you’ll learn) though the lack of discipline is what’s blamed for bringing down the Cowboys dynasty.

Troy Aikman is the golden boy who got pissed when his teammates weren’t working hard enough. Emmitt Smith is a minor player who his teammates hated because he only cared about his stats. Deion Sanders was a lazy hired gun who refused to tackle during practice or study film during meetings. And Alvin Haper was Freaky Harp, banging more groupies than anyone.

But that’s about it as far as lascivious details go. There are no great stories of unusual sex-capades with cadres of groupies. Just mentions that just being a Cowboy was enough to get any of the long-legged, large breasted women in Dallas to want to sleep with you, even if you were a backup safety. And the Cowboys loved their drugs and women just as much as the women loved them.

And eventually it became their downfall.

This book is a definite read for any sports fan who remembers those Cowboy teams (with envy or with fondness) and enjoys getting a real look at athletes (Pearlman pulls no punches, insulting even some of the guys who were his best sources) and the lives they lead off the field.

Let That Be a Lesson To You

I like Tiger Woods more and more everyday. The guy pretty much has the perfect life.
I mean, don't they look happy?
And you'll note he has two kids, not 14, and he has dogs, not chimpanzees.



Tiger and Elin unveiling their new baby, Charlie Axel Woods, in a similar manner to the way in which they released photos of their daughter, Sam Alexis.