Return to the Scene

After causing a near panic at the casino by suggesting a group of old men and I would burn down the place with a pair of hot dice, I had stayed away from Foxwoods for more than 7 years.
But Mrs. Poop found a weekend with nothing to do so we planned a romantic getaway into the Connecticut tribal lands. We left the kids with Mem and Poppy and landed at Foxwoods at about 2pm Saturday. We checked in but were told our room wouldn't be available for an hour, so we gave the front desk our phone number and gave the bellman our baggage and walked away. We didn't get far before the phone rang, our room was ready. Kind of annoying, but nice to get into our room early. Though I had to pay the bellman a dollar to hold our bags for literally 2 minutes.
Mrs. Poop had a spa treatment (if you want to know about her pedicure you'll have to send a separate e-mail) so I had about three hours to play poker. I saw Paul Pierce putting his name on the list, later on I would see James Woods, the actor. Both apparently frequent the Foxwoods Poker room. At my table, I got an unfortunate seat draw and sat on the direct right of a really good player with a huge chip stack. He kept bullying me and my tight style encouraged this. I did get him for a couple small pots, and eventually got one big pot when I hit trip kings on the turn. I may have overbet the river costing me some value but at one point I had more than doubled my $200 buy-in. I lost most of that in a hand with the bully, I played it right until the river when he raised me, I should have folded, but I paid him an extra $55.
I still booked a $40 win, not bad.



Then I went back to the room to get ready for dinner at Cedars steakhouse. We had to wait 20 minutes after our reservation time before we got seated. But when we finally did we were taken to a lovely table in a backroom right next to a knob that controlled the volume of the background music. I was very tempted to blast it up to ten and see what happens, but as I found out, loudness is not tolerated well at this restaurant.



I had a delightful bowl of lobster bisque and a great surf n turf. Mrs. Poop enjoyed the french onion soup and the baked stuff shrimp.



As we were finishing our meal a group of 6 or 7 women, ages spanning the 30s and 40s, came into this little area which contained two large tables and two tables for 2. The women were being very loud, bickering with each other, and arguing with the wait staff, complaining the waitress read the specials too quietly and too quickly. And some of them were clearly intoxicated. So drunk, in fact, that one of them stumbled into the manager on her way into the restaurant. At that point the manager decreed that at least two of the women should not be served alcohol. When they were told this they freaked out. If they were loud before, now they were screaming demanding to see the manager. He told them it was his decision and it would not change, they stormed out but not before saying "we were going to spend 500 dawllors!" On the way out one of the older, more mature members of the party asked us "how bad were they?" We said "pretty loud" and she apologized and left. But she had to come back not once, but twice more because the drunkest, loudest, most obnoxious woman had lost her eyeglasses, which were eventually found under the table. Embarrassing to storm out of a restaurant then have to come back to retrieve your lost property.
The wait staff and the manager apologized profusely to us (didn't discount our bill, it really wasn't that bad) and we told them they did the right thing and then we got the hell out of there because we were meeting friends anyway.
Mrs. Poop went off to play slots with her friend, and I went to play poker with her husband. We actually got seats at the same table with only one very chatty guy in between us. The first hand I guess I was rushed and opened my hand sloppily and he saw my hole cards. He told me that he saw them and made a big deal out of how nice a guy he is but if he sees him again he's not going to tell me. I only get one warning. I was more careful after that but he still insisted he could see my cards. Now, I don't doubt that I am not super careful about peeking at my hand but for him to have seen it he had to be looking for it. Anyway, he didn't beat me a pot the whole time so it didn't much matter. I won a huge pot with the nuts, but I misread the board and called the river, instead of raising, technically against the rules. I also made a straight flush, my first ever in live poker, but couldn't get any action. I got chastised for not checking it, but thought my opponent was more likely to call a bet than to make one himself. For the session I booked another small profit.
At one point a very hot girl in a very short dress was over by the cashout window. Chatty Guy kept talking about her, even making our female dealer very uncomfortable, though she tried to fit in by saying "I like looking at pretty things." This prompted Chatty Guy to compare this hot chick to a car "I like going to the showroom but I always go back to my car. She's got a few dents and scratches but I love her. Plus cars like that require a lot of maintenance."
Later as I was explaining Chatty Guy and the hot chick to Mrs. Poop and her friend, that hot chick walked right by us. And Mrs. Poop agreed she was hot, dressed slutty and probably a lot of work and money to maintain.
We walked around played slots and I even got in on a craps table. I had a decent roll going until the pit boss coolered me. He told me to make sure the dice hit the back wall. I did, it bounced oddly and I sevened out. Not before booking a small win. See a pattern?
The next morning I woke up early played in a poker tournament, $60 buyin, about 50 players total, I had good cards early, nothing late, blinds rose very quickly so I had to push all in with top pair (queens) and a weak kicker and got called by a Queen with a better kicker and that was that.
But it was still early so I decided to hit a $5 craps table. Bad idea, lost a little over $100. Which for the weekend put us down a little less than $100 which isn't bad considering how much fun we had. No crazy gambling stories, no threats to burn down the casino. Just a nice quiet weekend with my wife.

Song of the Week

"So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" - Boyz II Men

The Only Thing Worse Than Being Behind a Bus Or a Student Driver

A bus with a student driver sign on the back! I have never seen anything move this slowly. I could have pushed this bus faster.
Two clarifying points:
1) It was not unsafe to take this picture while driving because behind this bus was analogous to being stopped at a red light.
2) There was actually another car in between the bus and me. But that car was turning right where I normally do. So in order to get this shot, I followed the bus another block down the road.

The Rapper Next Door

Rapper Jim Jones was charged with disorderly conduct and hindering apprehension by the Fair Lawn Police Department. Jones, a Fair Lawn resident whose real name is Joseph G. Jones, 37, was arrested in the morning on Feb. 13 after he was questioned by police about a vehicle on Ward Street.
Police say Jones's car was ticketed on February 6th for a parking violation, and it had not been moved in the days following the big snowstorm on February 8th. This obviously creates a problem for snow removal. Since the officer thought the car to be abandoned, he was in the process of having it towed.
That's when Jones came out, he agreed to move the vehicle and pay the towing fee. The officer did a background on Jones and found two outstanding warrants, one for $43 for failure to remove snow from the sidewalk and a $150 warrant for failure to yield to an emergency vehicle.
Jones got angry when questioned about the warrants and attempted to flee while being arrested.
Just a typical day in Fair Lawn. Actually, I'm glad the police arrested this hoodlum. In 10 years as a Fair Lawn resident it's the first time I've heard of the police doing anything other than sitting behind a work site with their lights flashing. Not criticizing the FLPD, just saying it's a pretty boring and quiet town.

Now back to Jones for a second, he is the the leader of the rap collective, The Diplomats or Dipset, with his friend Cam'ron.

His biggest hit was "We Fly High."



But I like this newer jam, "Mary's Prayer."


Story suggested by Pa Beers

We Prepared You For the Week in Pop Culture

Like most of you I agree the "Fred Sanford" is a much better dance craze than "The Bernie," which as slept the Oakland area.
Now one of Oakland's most prominent athletes, Stephen Curry, demonstrated the Bernie while running back down court after hitting the 10th of his 11 3-pointers against the Knicks in a 54-point tour de force performance.



But that wasn't the only time the Universe brought us a "Weekend at Bernie's" reference this week. There was also a very clever open to the latest episode of "How I Met Your Mother". The link isn't working so I will just set up the premise for you if you missed it. In Barney's Playbook of ways to get laid, there was a gambit called "Weekend at Barney's" with Barney playing the role of Bernie and Ted and Marshall as Jonathan Silverman and Andrew McCarthy.

Song of the Week

"Groove With You" - Isley Brothers
I don't have enough Isley Brothers songs as SOTWs. Of the more than 300, this is only the second Isley Brothers jam.

Waste of Money

President Obama is proposing $50 billion in new infrastructure spending, according to the New York Times "$40 billion of that amount would be directed to work on the highways, bridges, transit systems..."
But he seems to be forgetting something:



"Roads, where we're going we don't need roads."
They were going to 2015. Only two years form now we won't even need roads. So why waste $40 billion fixing them? Unless you are telling me Doc Brown was wrong.

The Best of Shots the Worst of Shots

Sometimes funny things happen at small-time basketball games. For instance, this free throw:



According to PTI, the girl who shot it said she sneezed as she was shooting. If we believe her cover story, we can make a lot of good jokes, like Kornheiser did. Snot Going In, Snot Even Close, etc. But I think she was just try to save herself some embarrassment. Truth is, when I sneeze I know it's coming for about five minutes beforehand. I throw my head back, I start to breathe funny, I try to pinch my nose to make it stop, then I sneeze. No way this sneeze sneak-attacked her into this horrible free throw. Snot a good excuse.

But then there is this: Ashlee Arnau is a cheerleader at William Carey University who likes to try trick shots during halftime:



Note: with this shot, and all trick shots, you only seen the one that goes in, not the 100s of misses that happen first. Arnau had been trying this shot at halftime all year, and this was her 5th attempt on this night. That doesn't mean it's not incredibly cool and really awesome that she made it. It just means it's nearly a total fluke and mostly the result of luck. But people who try the hardest often get the luckiest.

Feels Like Old Times

Seeing as how this is Syracuse's final year in the Big East it seemed like a good idea to get to as many games as possible in the old cities before those games were no longer played. I couldn’t go to UConn because it was a Wednesday night, there is no MSG game vs. St John’s but that rivalry is continuing, Rutgers did not host SU this year (maybe I should have planned this better) but we did get one more game against Seton Hall at the Prudential Center.
Billy and Michael were in, Pizza Parlor Derek drove up for the occasion and the entire Beers mispochen made it, though fashionably late.
First order of business was to eat at Dinosaur BBQ, a Syracuse staple, of which the Newark location is basically right in front of the arena.



A really good idea. Such a good idea that everyone else thought of it too. I arrived 3 hours before tip time and was told there was a 4-hour wait. Not sure how reliable that is because so many people were just camping out at their tables and not leaving until the game starts. So we gave up on that and tried to other restaurants which were just as crowded. Then we stumbled into Loft 47, which had an entire section that was closed off. We literally grabbed a table and some chairs and moved it into the seating area. This seemed like a great idea at the time until we realized no server was assigned to a table that previously had not existed. The service was terrible, I was given crab legs instead of a crab lump and it took almost an hour to bring our food which I had to scarf down. But it’s better than standing around Dinosaur for 4 hours.
We finally arrived at the game in plenty of time to take our seats. Seton Hall and the Prudential Center releasing tickets piecemeal, at first offering only the lower bowl. Once that sold out they offered the first two rows of the upper level. And since Ticketmaster now allows you to choose your actual seat, by clicking on a dot, I chose seats that were perfectly aligned with center court. The view was amazing. The seats weren’t great as in being close to the floor, but it was sort of like sitting right behind home plate in a upper level at a baseball game. You’re not close, but the vantage point is amazing.



We got a really good look at the 2-3 zone which got torched early. But then the Orange got hot, especially Brandon Triche and ended the half on a 22-9 run. The rest of the game was pretty unremarkable with SU maintaining a solid lead, but not blowing them out. The best part was the crowd reaction to Fuquan Edwin's baskets. (They're not booing, they're saying Foo.) I tried to convince one of the Beers kids to change his name to Fuquan but they're too savvy for that.

One annoying trend that has emerged recently, and I am guilty of it too (especially when I am unable to check in at a game on Facebook) people spend way too much time on their phones during games. You pay for the ticket, you're surrounded by thousands of people, presumably some of them are your friends and all you do is text on the phone. I forbade people from using their phones while the ball was in play. Pizza Parlor Derek blatantly disobeyed me. I thought he was very disappointed that we didn't get to eat at Dinosaur. But turns out he was just tweeting. After the game I read several funny tweets from him which I would have enjoyed had he just said them to me.

But after the game we did retire to Dinosaur for a drink (not a brisket) and I had a nice chat with PPD. And next time we'll know that we have to arrive at Dinosaur four hours before game time in order to get a table. Unfortunately, there won't be a next time.

Better Dance Craze?

There are two hilarious dance crazes sweeping the nation (or perhaps have swept) based on the actions of dead or dying characters in TV in movies.

First there is the Fred Sanford, which involves clutching your heart with your right hand, throwing your left straight into the air and teetering about with your head thrown back.

Here's Redd Foxx doing the Fred Sanford

And now these expert dancers demonstrate it



The Bernie Lomax has gone a little more mainstream, there's actually two songs "Moving Like Berney [sic]" by ISA and "The Bernie Lean" by ATM and IMD which caught on with the Oakland A's.



And here's the original set to music.

Song of the Week

"Dance For You" - Beyonce
Sometimes I buy Mrs. Poop flowers for no reason. Jus' sayin'.

The Buss Stops Here

Lakers owner Jerry Buss died this week at age 80. Buss bought the team for $16M in 1980 (as part of a deal that included other properties) and now the Lakers are worth an estimated $1B. Once Jerry was asked if he would ever sell the team, he said "what could I buy that I would want more than the Lakers?"



He is certainly one of the most successful owners in the history of team sports, winning 10 titles and making the Finals 16 times (roughly every other year of his ownership). It's hard to calculate exactly how much credit he deserves for that, but he certainly was a great owner in that he hired good people and gave them the money and the autonomy to do their jobs. And the results are phenomenal.

The other world Jerry was involved in was poker. Most of the top pros will tell you Jerry was a good player and I'm sure that's true. But from what I saw of him he was clearly over-matched against the top pros and probably added millions of dollars to the poker economy by playing against tougher opponents.

One memorable televised poker moment involving Jerry Buss came during the NBC Heads Up Tournament. Buss was playing Daniel Negreanu (who was wearing a Ben Wallace jersey, just to needle Jerry after the Pistons beat the Lakers in the Finals) and not only did Jerry take a bad beat, it happened in a sick fashion.

Note: Even if you don't know poker, what happens hear is very clear and easy to understand.

Is Wrestling Still On?

I haven't watch professional wrestling in at least 10 years, and really hadn't even heard anyone talking about it. I literally have no idea which of the old school guys are still around, and who the new stars are.
But then I came across this video of the always entertaining The Rock from WWE Raw's 20th Anniversary show, serenading someone named Vicky:
They took down my first video, try this one, but go a minute in and ignore the horrible hiss



"And then she'll ask me
Do I look alright
And I said 'no biatch
You look horrible tonight.'"

Another Creep From Our Past

Noted Staten Island orthopedist Dr Mark Sherman is in some hot water over a picture he texted to a a female patient.
According to the Daily News he sent a picture of his dick to Wanda Arena, a bikini contest competitor and 9/11 widow.

Arena says the phone calls and texts went on for several years before Dr. Sherman stepped up his game with the dicpic.

There's a second woman also accusing Dr. Sherman of being a perv. When she told him her arm hurt when she pulled her pants down, he said that would interfere with her sex life.

It's all pretty unremarkable to me, Dr. Sherman is divorced, he can do what he likes. But it's just another example of the deviants and lowlives we encountered during our youth.

Story suggested by Nails

At Some Age This is No Longer Going to Be Funny

Chase and Julian reading the SI Swimsuit issue

This is Why Julian Has to Wait a Few More Years

I started a policy with my children to wait until they are 5 years old before taking them a major sporting event. Mostly because I want the first game to special, I don't want to waste money on a kid who won't enjoy it and I don't want to go to a game with a kid who won't sit still.
Now there's a new reason:



Turns out this kid was part of an on-court promotion set to take place during the timeout. But he got excited and ran on the court too early.

And a brilliant SIIJ reference!

Happy Valentine's Day

Jim Boeheim Acts Like a Dick

This isn't exactly breaking news because Jim Boeheim has been doing this for years. Because of his success and his position at the University he feels he can say and do anything he wants with no repercussions. He can make a knee-jerk statement about child molestation accusations and get away with it, and now he insulted a reporter, ESPN's Andy Katz, after Syracuse's loss to Connecticut.



It's not 100% clear what Boeheim was angry about. It's possible this dates back to Katz's reporting on the Bernie Fine scandal. But here's a theory I tend to believe. It comes from Katz's report on James Southerland's suspension.
In the first half Katz reported that Southerland's academic issue was regarding "two paragraphs" in a paper. At the time I discussed this with Billy, and we both thought it seemed implausible that an issue that minor could have taken 6 weeks to resolve.
Maybe Southerland lied to Katz, knowing the University would likely not refute his statement (to protect his privacy), maybe someone else did, or maybe Katz's source told him the truth. Either way, it's possible Boeheim did not wish Katz to share that information. Maybe he didn't think Katz should have been pumping JaySouth for info, maybe he thought the conversation was off the record. Not sure exactly how that might have played out, but it seems third most likely reason for him to be angry, with the first two being they lost and that Boeheim is just a dick.

Coolest Winner in Jeopardy History

Leonard Cooper is now the coolest winner in Jeopardy history. Granted, there isn't a lot of competition for that title but Cooper won the teen tournament with an impressive amount of flair and bravado.



First of all, he absolutely did the right thing risking it all on that Daily Double. It was an all-or-nothing move, but he'd have to do one on final Jeopardy anyway, and this clue was likely to be easier.
Second, his victory of the $75,000 was not a sure thing. The other kid could have gotten it right and wagered enough to beat him, coupling in his huge advantage from the previous show.
Third, Chase might have known that first answer. When I was teaching him eyes, ears, nose, etc., I also taught him where his clavicle is. For Julian, I did sternum. Funny parlor trick.

Song of the Week

"Fire We Make" - Alicia Keys featuring Maxwell
I love a good male/female duet and this is two of the best voices out there right now. It has a soulful melody, like something the Isleys might have done in 1977.
Really loving this jam right now.

I Bet He Gets That a Lot

One time, in a class in college, two groups were doing a package on crime on Marshall Street, both groups interviewed the same t-shirt store employee. But in their packages, they called him two different names. One was the correct name, one was a made-up name they conjured because they had forgotten to ask his real name.
Similarly, as I have pointed out before on this blog, the 1996 Susan Wagner High School Yearbook misidentified several girls as NHL players, because VinJuice loves hockey and forgot to go back and get their correct names.
I could have sworn the same thing had happened when I watched a special about the NFL. A bald man identifed as the NFL Director of Programming Digital Media (sounds like a made-up title) was named as Tom Brady.

Surely, the producers had forgotten to get his name, inserted Tom Brady to hold the space and never went back to change it. But I Googled it, and came up with Tom Brady, Vice President, Programming & Production, NFL Media (a more believable title). He even had his own LinkedIn account.

That seems like an impossible coincidence, but I guess Tom Brady is just a more common name than I thought.

Which Head? Yours!

Kate Upton and her ridiculously large breasts are gracing the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue for the second year in a row.

If Anyone Can Make Doug Gottlieb Tolerable

Doug Gottlieb, former Oklahoma State point guard, full-time Syracuse hater is in love with the sound of his own voice. Which means he probably loves his new show, "Lead Off" on CBS Sports Network. Basic premise: the host throws out a topic and Gottlieb rants on it for about a minute. Sounds terrible, right?
But the host, is Allie LaForce, the incredibly hot, incredibly young (24) former Miss Teen USA.
I watched one episode of this show and it seemed ok. Gottlieb is tolerable in small doses and LaForce is not just hot, she has some good things to say. The show definitely has potential, especially if LaForce develops more of her own voice to combat Gottlieb, the way Michelle Beadle became beloved for shutting down that dweeb Colin Cowherd on SportsNation.

WARNING: LaForce was only 15 in this bikini picture!

One disturbing thing about Allie LaForce though: she is fucking Joe Smith. Not the cool Joe Smith, from the University of Maryland. The mediocre Joe Smith who used to pitch for the Mets and now plays for the Cleveland Indians. One time Smith got into a tussle at a bar, and LaForce's relative (brother?) ended up getting handcuffed as a result. And she's still with him. Smith will make $3m this season which I'm sure is a turn-on for a girl like LaForce, though if this show takes off she'll be able to buy her own red-soled shoes. Not sure why she needs this junkballer in her life but maybe what they have is real.

The Judge Has a Grudge

Obnoxious teenager Penelope Soto was picked up by the cops in Miami when she crashed her bike while high on Xanax. Police discovered 26 more Xanax pills or "bars" as they are called on the street. She appeared in front of the judge at a bail hearing.



Awesome!
I totally agree with Judge Jorge Rodriguez-Chomat for smacking this young punk down. She was not being serious, or respectful.
"It's worth a lot of money" "Like what" "Like Rick Ross."
He should have held her in contempt after that answer.
But then the "adios" and finally the "fuck you."
Hopefully this dumb slut will use her 30 days in the hoosegaw to reflect on her behavior and come out a rehabilitated young lady.

When Everyone's Wrong, No One is Right

A 31-point blowout win in the NBA normally doesn’t garner much attention but the Rockets-Warriors game was so interesting it merits discussion. The Rockets had a great night, nailing a bunch of 3s, until they tied the NBA record with 23 3-points, with 3:41 left in the game. After that, Houston tried several more attempts to get the record. Eventually, Mark Jackson ordered the Warriors to foul Houston, so they couldn’t get a 3-pointer off. Draymond Green fouled Patrick Beverly so hard he got a flagrant foul, started a fight and got ejected. But the Rockets didn’t get that 24th 3-pointer. I think both teams are wrong here. First, records and accomplishments achieved outside of the normal flow of the game are not real records. Famous examples include: Ricky's Davis's triple-double, Nykesha Sales hobbling on court on crutches, Brett Favre taking a dive for Michael Strahan or Grinnell college feeding Jack Taylor over and over until he scores 138 points. Those accomplishments are hollow and I think those teams and players are wrong to pursue them in that way. But if your opponent is doing something like that, or running up the score, or doing an annoying touchdown celebration, the answer is: stop them! Don't resort to physical or dirty play, stop them. You don't like what they do when they score, don't let them score. I will not choose sides in this one because I think both teams are wrong here.

A Bad Angle

A photo is making the rounds on the internet, purporting to show Justin Bieber grabbing the breast of a young fan.

As Mrs. Poop can attest, this is not a boob grab just a picture taken from an unfortunate angle at an unfortunate time. He was pulling his hand away from a hug and the picture was snapped. I'm sure there's a inch or two between his hand and her boob, but you just cannot tell from this angle.

What I Should Have Said Theater

Where was Steve Tasker when the lights went out? In the dark.
CBS did a horrible job updating the fans throughout the entire blackout, but none worse than Steve Tasker, who despite being a television reporter, couldn't coherently report what was going on.
Remember, fans at home saw the lights go out, then 30 seconds or so of ambient crowd noise, then a commercial. We knew nothing, and they came back to Tasker who said "welcome back to New Orleans, I'm Steve Tasker sideline reporter for the uh, Super Bowl 47, if you're expecting to hear our friend Jim Nantz it may be a moment before he gets on. Half the power in New Orleans Stadium, the Superdome here, almost a perfect semicircle of the lights, half the stadium, went out, the scoreboard is also not working as well."

Here's what Steve Tasker should have said:
"I'm Steve Tasker, there has been a power failure at the Superdome. Half the lights are out. There is no power in our broadcast booth where Jim Nantz and Phil Simms are. There are enough lights still on, so no one is panicking. We do not know what caused this, and we do not know how long it will take to fix it. Both teams are just milling around wondering when they will be able to resume play."

Granted, I have the benefit of time, he didn't, but a reporter should always say his most important thing in his first sentence. If he practiced that enough, it would become habit. The first thing he said should have been about the blackout or the lights going out, not about the Superdome and our friend Jim Nantz.

Song of the Week

"Kill Fuck Marry" - Nikki Williams
This is an incredibly weird song, not even particularly good. Obvious they picked the title, knew it would get attention, and then wrote the song around it.

The Super Bowl is Poop

Another Great Game
I feel like I have written this every single year but this was another exciting Super Bowl. I guess I am going to have to let go of the fact that nearly every Super Bowl for the first 20 years of my viewing experience was a blowout. Starting with Rams-Titans, practically every game since then has at least been tense and fun to watch. Now I wouldn’t classify this game as great, not in the class of Giants-Patriots I or Steelers-Cardinals, but it certainly was a lot of fun and a game we will all remember for a long time.

No Such Thing as Momentum
The most popular thing to talk about surrounding this game seems to be how the 49ers were suddenly given a tremendous lift by the unexpected 34-minute blackout delay. The poor Ravens who were dominating the game until that point suddenly lost focus and never regained it. It’s bullshit. Thank god the 9ers didn’t win so we don’t have to listen to this crap for all eternity. Did the long halftime show not give the 49ers a boost? That big pause in the game certainly didn’t help them on the opening kickoff when the Ravens, robbed of their momentum, were still able to muster a kickoff return for a touchdown. And then when the lights came back on, the 49ers failed to convert a 3rd and 13. Momentum didn't help them there. The 49ers came back because they are a good team, and they have fallen behind and come back before. They made plays, nothing to do with the blackout.

Controversial Calls
There were a number of controversial calls by officials and coaches in this game that are worth examining.
Michael Crabtree was clearly held/interfered with on that 4th down pass from the 5-yard line late in the game. I guess there is a new rule, The Golden (Tate) Rule, when officials stop calling penalties late in close games at key situations. Obvious penalty, horrible no-call.

There was also a horrible no ejection when the Ravens Cary Williams blatantly shoved an official.

And how about the horrible call for running into the kicker? David Akers missed the kick, saw a guy behind him and flopped. He was falling even before he was touched. The officials bailed him out and gave Akers another shot, which he made.

John Harbaugh made the right move going for the safety at the end of the game. I also like his fake punt early in the game. It didn't work out but if it had it would have been a dagger in the 49ers back. And the risk wasn't all that great, it still pinned the 9ers deep.
Jim Harbaugh made a questionable decision going for 2 with 10 minutes left. Normally I would say kick and be down by 1 in the first three quarters, but the first part of the 4th quarter is a real gray area. A good case could be made either way.
Jim's biggest failing was the play-calling on that late sequence when the 9ers came up short. With time only a small factor I would have tried a Kaepernick designed run, a draw, to at least get the ball a little closer, if not score the TD.

The voters also made a questionable decision giving the MVP award to Joe Flacco over Jacoby Jones. If it had been a most outstanding player, or most spectacular, Jones would have gotten it, but because of value, the way Flacco controlled the game earned him the award.

A Crazy Game for Box Pools
Almost every Super Bowl spectator participates in some kind of box pool. And I never remember as much intrigue involving the numbers that were seemingly locked up, then ripped away. Obviously the decision to take the safety at game's end stole thousands of dollars from people with 4, 9.
Those of us with 8, 0 got screwed at the end of the 3rd when David Akers was given a re-kick with 3 minutes to go. That might not have mattered had Ray Rice not fumbled a minute earlier. If he holds onto that ball, even if Ravens had to punt, any other 3rd quarter scoring play was unlikely.
The half ended with a FG to give the money to those who held 1, 6, but that wasn't really an unusual or unfair play. Not like the one that happened a few minutes earlier, the aforementioned fake punt, though it came with lots of time to play, it certainly affected the outcome of those crazy box pools.

Joe Millionaire
Joe Flacco picked a pretty good time to have the best postseason for any quarterback in history. He's a free agent and likely to get a long-term deal with average annual salaries of $20M. The guy is not a great regular season quarterback, he's very good but has never had more than 25 TDs or fewer than 10 interceptions. He's not in the class of Peyton Manning, Drew Brees or Aaron Rodgers. But now all four of these quarterbacks have exactly one Super Bowl ring. Flacco has won at least one playoff game in all 5 of his NFL seasons. With Ray Lewis retiring (he says) and Ed Reed leaving (possibly), the defense may be weakened to the point where the Ravens offense will have to produce even more. But now they know they have a quarterback who can perform well enough to win the Super Bowl. And that's why they're going to lock him up for big money.

The End of the Road
The career and personal life of Ray Lewis is complicated and varied. Yes, he was involved in a horrible incident, but there's no reason to believe he did anything other than aid his friends, which on its face isn't that bad, except when you realize he helped them avoid apprehension for a murder. But since then, he has been an exemplary character, a great player and a good ambassador for the league. He may have taken a questionable substance so he could more quickly return to health for this "last ride" but that remains to be seen. I will always remember Lewis as a great player, a dominant linebacker and a fun player to watch and listen to.

Super Bowl Ads

I thought this was a pretty weak crop this year. No real standout laugh out loud funny ones.

"Brotherhood" - Budweiser
They always have a good Clydesdales ad, this one was really sweet.



"Miracle Stain" - Tide
I love this satire of the dumbest thing in American culture in the last 10 years, the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. "Stain on a stick!"



"Fashionista Daddy" - Doritos
Fathers who have daughters can relate to this one.



"Whole Again" - Jeep
Narrated by Oprah Winfrey, a pretty nice ad.



"Space Babies" - Kia
Pretty funny description of where babies come from.



"Goat 4 Sale" - Doritos



"Deion Sanders Returns" - NFL
Leon Sandcastle



"Prom" - Audi
It was totally worth it.



"Viva Young" - Taco Bell
"Nosotros somos jovenes." I guess the song really was in Spanish. I didn't pick this up the first time.



"Get Happy" - VW
The only borderline racist commercial in this year's Super Bowl. I didn't find it offensive, actually found it mildly amusing, but not necessarily a great ad for VW. "Respect bossman!"



"Big Kiss" - Go Daddy
I read where they had to do 65 takes of this.

Weekly Picks

Ending a horrible season on something of a positive note. When I started doing these picks every week they really were golden. But the last few seasons have been horrible. And I have thought about giving up, but being bad isn't a reason to quit. So I guarantee I will be back with this feature every week next season.

San Francisco -4 1/2 Baltimore
I am actually quite nervous about this because I am predicting scores like 21-17, 20-16, 23-20, something in there. But if I'm going to err a little bit, I'll err on the side of the 9ers winning this a little bit bigger. So 21-16 is my official score prediction.

Last Week: 1-1 (2 points)
Season: 43-52 (35 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (6-14)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (15-23)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (6-4)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (12-15)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (10-10)

Super Bowl Prop Bets

This is always a fun post to do, check out the props and pick some of your own in the comments section.

MVP: Colin Kaepernick 8/5
I think the 49ers are going to win the game and if they do there is a very good chance Kaepernick will win the MVP. Even if the defense dominates, it’s unlikely there will be one standout. And by default the idiots who pick these things will go with the quarterback on the winning team.

First Player to score a TD: Anquan Boldin 17/2, Torrey Smith 17/2
I think these are pretty long odds, for these guys. I know running backs are always surer things but I’ll take both of them and see what happens.

Longest Reception – Torrey Smith: Over 28 ½ yards (-125)
I know the Ravens are at least going to try to go downfield to Smith. 29 yards doesn’t seem that long to me.

Total Tackles and Assists - Ray Lewis: Under 11 1/2 (+105)
That's a lot of tackles. In order for this to happen the 49ers would have to be running the ball up the middle a lot.

Total Rushing Yards - Colin Kaepernick: Over 50 1/2 (-115)
He had a huge game against the Packers, and barely ran against the Falcons. This is a tricky number because he will probably have to break one long one (20+) to get there, but I say he will.

Will Michael Crabtree score a touchdown: No (-115)
I feel this is going to be a low scoring game, with more of the focus on the 49ers running game. Sure it's possible Crab will grab one, but at nearly even odds, no looks like a good bet.

Who will have more receiving yards? Torrey Smith +12 1/2 Michael Crabtree (-115)
Maybe I'm mistaken here but I see the Ravens throwing the ball a little more often, and going deep more often. One big one for Smith makes this a good bet.

LeBron James Rebounds & Assists -3 1/2 Ray Lewis Tackles and Assists (-120)
Again this is a play on Lewis having only about 8 or 9 tackles. LeBron could easily mess around and get a triple double against the Raptors.

Blake Griffin Points and Rebounds pick'em Ray Rice receiving yards (-115)
I'm looking at 25 easy for Griffin and there's a good chance Rice only gets one or two short receptions.

How long will it take Alicia Keys to sing the National Anthem? Under 2:10 (-160)
It's actually a very short song and even the long drawn out versions seldom last more than 2 minutes. I think this line is easily exploitable.

Will Beyonce be joined by Jay Z on Stage during the Super Bowl Half Time Show? Yes (-105)
I have read that Jay-Z is going to be there and requested $5,000 worth of booze for his dressing room. I also read that Beyonce demanded that Blue Ivy's $20,000 crib be shipped from New York and that a room for her be kept at 78.8 degrees and filled with rose-scented candles. But if he's going to be there, he might as well do "Crazy in Love."

How many times will Jack Harbaugh be shown on TV? Under 2 1/2 (+135)
I've been following props like this for some time and seems like the Super Bowl production teams just don't do this as much as we think they would. Now, if one of the quarterbacks were dating Katherine Webb, that would be a different story.

How long will the post game handshake/hug last between Jim & John Harbaugh? Over 6 seconds (-120)
This is a no-brainer. It starts from the moment they touch until the moment they release. So if they handshake, hug, then break while still holding, they could easily break 10 seconds.

What Color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team? Red 13/2
I am thinking the 49ers are going to win, so I'll hope some clever 49ers sideline guy will have a bucket full of Red gatorade.

Darren Rovell tweets on Super Bowl Sunday? Over 104 1/2 (-115)
Not sure if you follow him but Rovell is the most prolific narcissist on Twitter. He might even do 200.

This is How You Do Local News

I have a lot of respect for local news reporters who go out in the field everyday and report, often with morons, trying to get into their shots to be on TV. We've seen reporters insult and even assault these morons, but nothing beats what Jessica Sanchez did to this moron on Bourbon Street.



"So how long have you had an STD?"
Brilliant!

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Parted

Sharon Osgood wired $5,900 to a man in Florida in exchange for 4 Super Bowl tickets.
Instead she got an envelope with a piece of paper with a picture of both Super Bowl quarterbacks on it. The message underneath read: "Enjoy the game!!!! Go Ravens!!! LOL."
I'm sorry Osgood got robbed (and it is a crime) but I don't really feel badly for her because she should have fuckin better known better.
1) She bought them on Craiglist
2) She was asked to wire the money
3) The seller lived in Florida but claimed to be a Ravens season ticket holder
4) The seller couldn't go to the game because his wife is 8 months pregnant
All of those things combined should have made it a dead giveaway that this was a scam. To make matters worse, this moron is now getting rewarded for being such a dupe. The CEO of Ticketmaster is giving her 4 tickets. That's a very bad message to send, be a moron, don't worry if you get scammed, just get some media attention for your plight and someone will pity you.
I say let Mrs. Osgood and all other fools out there learn this lesson the hard way. Tough love.

Maybe We Can Sweep Together

A funny trend that started on a brilliant episode of Seinfeld, "The Lip Reader," has now become an internet sensation.

It's called "Bad Lip Reading." The NFL version is hilarious



The spoof of Beyonce's Inauguration performance, entitled "La Fway" was also amusing, if a little bit too long.

Song of the Week

"Thrift Shop" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
A very odd song, certainly not the highest quality musically or lyrically. But it's unique, and I like that it mocks our societal ill of placing value on expensive clothes.

Giselle In Training

Last year after the Super Bowl the hottest Patriot wife, Giselle, popped off angrily about the other Patriots, including Wes Welker, being unable to catch the ball.
After the AFC Championship game this year, it was the second hottest Patriot wife, Anna Burns Welker who ran her mouth off on Facebook:

"Proud of my husband and the Pats. By the way, if anyone is bored, please go to Ray Lewis' Wikipedia page. 6 kids 4 wives. Acquitted for murder. Paid a family off. Yay. What a hall of fame player! A true role model!"

She later apologized but Ray Lewis responded anyway, using a Bible verse of course, but not the one about the weapon. "Even a fool is counted wise until he opens his mouth."

But as far as I am concerned Mrs. Welker can do wrong. But, those aren't brains:

I Wish Lenny Dykstra Were My Dad

The Poop's favorite actress, Jamie-Lynn Sigler is now engaged, to Cutter Dykstra, son of Lenny Dykstra, the man they call nails on the Mets ballclub.
She is 31 and on the hysterical new NBC sitcom, "Guys With Kids."
He is 23 and in the minor leagues for the Washington Nationals.
The groom's father is currently in prison but will hopefully be out in time for the wedding.

Here's the picture the couple posted on Twitter to announce their engagement:

Chris Brown Should Be Locked Up

Chris Brown obviously hasn't learned any kind of lesson from the ass-kicking he gave Rihanna. His latest violent incident victimized someone who can actually sing, Poop favorite, Frank Ocean.
Details are sketchy at this point but it seems they argued over a parking space at a recording studio in Los Angeles. Entourages got involved and Brown reportedly punched Ocean in the face.
Brown didn't stick around long enough for the cops to arrive, which is why Ocean is being reported as the victim.
Brown's entourage says Ocean started it by talking shit and blocking in Brown's car. They also probably think Rihanna was asking for it.
But I actually hope it did happen that way. I would hate to see Brown continuing to be have in an aggressive and violent manner.
And I certainly hope he didn't hurl and homophobic slurs at Ocean, though I wouldn't be surprised.

What Do You Give Me For? The Icing on a Hostess Cupcake and Jack Lew's Signature

Jack Lew will likely be the next Treasury Secretary of the United States, which means his signature would be on all new paper money. Yes, that's his real signature. How much does it look like the icing on one of those delicious cupcakes by Hostess that are temporarily (I hope) not in stores while Hostess is looking for a buyer for its brands.

Take Another Little Piece of My Childhood

Over the years I have often been asked why I became a Redskins fan in a family full of Giants fans. Maybe it was because they were Giants fans. But I know I loved the city of Washington (hate it now), John Riggins and the big offensive lineman known as the Hogs.
But I also know I loved the Hogettes. Now those Redskins fans are hanging up their pig noses and ladies' dresses. They will still come to games, but dressed in jerseys and other licensed team apparel. They will still do their charity work. But the era is over.

Bourn To Run

I can’t believe I have to keep doing this (and maybe I don’t since most, if not all readers of this blog are on board) but it seems the dumb faction of Mets fans (Yankees fans in the wrong colors) are agitating for the Mets to sign Michael Bourn.
Bourn turned down $13m this year to stay with the Braves, so he’ll probably hope to get even more than that per year for a deal of 3 or 4 years.
Bourn is 30 and not even a particularly good player. He is below average offensively. His OPS+ for the last two years was 85 and 99 (100 is league average). He has zero power, and his on-base isn’t even good. He’s never been above .355 which is basically the minimum you could accept from a leadoff hitter.
If the Mets were so desperate for a leadoff hitter they should have kept Jose Reyes. He was a much better offensive player, at a more important position, though not as stellar defensively. His contract was for more years and slightly more money than what Bourn would probably get, but it would carry them to the same age 34 season. The Mets got only a 2nd round pick for Reyes (more on this in a moment). They made the right decision allowing Reyes to leave, now it's time to follow through on that plan.
I understand Bourn's WAR over the past 4 years (4.9, 4.7, 4.1 & 6.4) has been fantastic. Those numbers have been boosted by exceptional fielding and base-running numbers, which I acknowledge are important. But they can be very fickle, fluctuating wildly, and a move to a new park could incite a change in his defensive metrics. Though you would expect a speedy center fielder to be even better in a big park like CitiField.

Michael Bourn's excellent glove could add several wins for the Mets, but they'd still be a 4th place team

Even if you could guarantee Bourn would add 5 wins to the Mets, and they could get 5 wins from other improvements (highly doubtful), that would still make the Mets an 84-win team, good enough for 3rd in the stacked NL East, at best. That's the complicating factor when analyzing the cost and value of wins on the open market. Wins that help a team improve from 70-something wins to the low-80s are of very little additional value. It's those wins that boost a team from the low and mid-80s into the playoffs that bring in additional millions.
Now remember another extenuating circumstance, the Mets would have to surrender their first round pick, the 11th overall in the draft as compensation for signing Bourn. This is a little tricky because the CBA states that for players in Bourn's class who were tendered by their teams the signing team would have to give up its highest pick as compensation, but the top 10 picks are protected. Technically, the Mets pick was 10th overall, but a pick was added because the Pirates didn't sign their pick, bumping the Mets down to #11, thus making it eligible to be forfeited for signing a player such as Bourn. The Mets have petitioned the league to get their pick protected because of this technicality, a challenge they are almost guaranteed to lose. But even if they do win, it would still be unwise.
Forget all the specifics, and look only at the broader picture: we have been here before, tried this strategy and it didn't work, it saddled the team with bad salaries and crippled us for years. Signing expensive free agents, especially ones who are barely above-average players (like Jason Bay) as they start to enter the age where their skills will decline, is a losing proposition. Yes, there's a strong chance the #11 draft pick will never play a single day in the major leagues, but as we have seen the teams that have built through the draft have built through the drafted have strong cores ready to contend for years. Teams that sign big-ticket free agents often end up struggling to get out from under those contracts for years, something I hoped the Mets were starting to get passed.

Send it in Jerome

Today was the 25th anniversary of one of my favorite plays ever, and favorite calls. Jerome Lane of Pittsburgh breaks the backboard with a dunk and Bill Raftery exclaims "Send it in Jerome!"
I was sure I had written previously about this play, but it was kind of buried in an NCAA Tournament thoughts, a couple months after the 23rd anniversary.



This play is so special to me that I wanted to name the child now known as Julian, Jerome. I don't even think I told Mrs. Poop why at first, but once she completely shut me down I think I showed her the clip. Didn't change her mind though.

But I don't think she knows I slipped this past her.

Thanks to JLeary for inspiring me to go back and check exactly what I had previously written about this blessed event.

Cory Booker Saves Freezing Dog With His Bare Hands

Newark Mayor Cory Booker has reached mythical status with his various good deeds including helping save a neighbor from a fire.
He even had help from our beloved BC, burnishing his reputation on Twitter:

Now we can add a new incident to the Mayor’s heroic duties. A WABC reporter in Newark found a dog that had been left outside. She tweeted about the incident and eventually Mayor Booker came by and put the dog in a cop car, and asked the cop to turn up the heat.
The dog’s owners say they were away from the house and Cha Cha somehow got loose. Good thing Mayor Booker was there to save the dog’s life. Just a typical Thursday for the next Senator from New Jersey, when Bob Menendez resigns due to having sex with underage Dominican hookers.

She Knew I Was Going to Write This

As I have mentioned to many of you, the best perk of my new job is free dinner every night. A menu is sent at about 2. The final order is placed at 3:30 and dinner arrives at 5:30. Every day I send Mrs. Poop the menu and if it's something good she says "I hate you" and sometimes offers suggestions. Normally I e-mail her right away with my choices, but one day I was busy and hadn't even had a chance to look at the menu.

A few minutes before 3 she e-mailed:

"What are you getting?"

I responded "I haven’t looked yet, very busy I was hoping you would tell me."

But when I realized it was already past the deadline I looked at the menu and quickly fired off my order:

"Chops special burger French fries"

And then Mrs. Poop replied:

"There's a yummy looking mushroom burger with turkey bacon and provolone. Chops special burger i think it's called. Doesn't come with anything. Can order a side of fries for $3. No desserts for you unless you like baklava. You were supposed to have your order in 10 minutes ago!!"

And that is why we are soulmates.