Last year Ben was dating professional golfer Natalie Gulbis.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Big Ben's Lady Troubles
Ben Roethlisberger says “I have no personal life.” He said it is so difficult for him to go out in public that he now finds it’s easier to meet women on the Internet than in person. Judging from these pictures Ben doesn't seem to have too much trouble meeting women. We don't know when these pictures were taken (but it was probably recently judging from the length of his beard), we don't know where they were taken (but it looks like a college fraternity house's basement), we don't know what he's pouring in that chicks mouth, but we do know his t-shirt is pretty cool
Last year Ben was dating professional golfer Natalie Gulbis.
Last year Ben was dating professional golfer Natalie Gulbis.
Too Bad I Won't Be Able to See It
Tonight's game against Rutgers is "Dress Like Jim Boeheim Night" at the Carrier Dome.
Orange fans of all ages are invited to (a) don the chaotic clothing similar to that favored by Boeheim in 1980 when the Dome first opened and (b) register at the Syracuse Athletics marketing table in the backcourt area prior to the game. The five entrants who most resemble the back-in-the-day Boeheim garb, hair, specs ... the whole package will then be paraded onto the court at halftime and presented with prizes.
The man, himself, has signed off on this with good humor. And why not? With all the photographic and video evidence that is available in this town, how could Boeheim deny his garish past during which he rarely saw a stripe he wouldn't mix with a polka dot or a big collar he wouldn't wear with a fat lapel?
Orange fans of all ages are invited to (a) don the chaotic clothing similar to that favored by Boeheim in 1980 when the Dome first opened and (b) register at the Syracuse Athletics marketing table in the backcourt area prior to the game. The five entrants who most resemble the back-in-the-day Boeheim garb, hair, specs ... the whole package will then be paraded onto the court at halftime and presented with prizes.
The man, himself, has signed off on this with good humor. And why not? With all the photographic and video evidence that is available in this town, how could Boeheim deny his garish past during which he rarely saw a stripe he wouldn't mix with a polka dot or a big collar he wouldn't wear with a fat lapel?
Finally
Our friends at The Smoking Gun have finally uncovered the police report for the Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders incident.
The report includes witness testimony, including this from the victim Melissa Holden:
"Holden said that defendant Keathley was standing on the toilet and her head was above the stall. Holden further stated that defendant [Thomas'] feet were facing inward toward Keathley's body. Holden stated that Keathley was making facial expressions and noises that were consistent with that of a person engaged in sexual activity...Holden said that some of the patrons were yelling things such as, 'go get a room for that' and calling them 'whores.'"
Another witness, Amanda Miner said:
"Keathley was standing on the toilet and her head was over the stall wall. She observed Keathley's facial expressions and saw her eyes rolling back into her head. Miner said that Keathley was moaning as a person does during sexual activity...one of the girls that was in the front of the line looked over the stall wall and told everyone that one of the girls was 'going down' on the other. 'Going down' is slang for oral sex."
I swear the police report actually says that. This must have been the best night ever for these cops. "So you say she was going down on her, can you tell me exactly what that means?" Awesome.
The report includes witness testimony, including this from the victim Melissa Holden:
"Holden said that defendant Keathley was standing on the toilet and her head was above the stall. Holden further stated that defendant [Thomas'] feet were facing inward toward Keathley's body. Holden stated that Keathley was making facial expressions and noises that were consistent with that of a person engaged in sexual activity...Holden said that some of the patrons were yelling things such as, 'go get a room for that' and calling them 'whores.'"
Another witness, Amanda Miner said:
"Keathley was standing on the toilet and her head was over the stall wall. She observed Keathley's facial expressions and saw her eyes rolling back into her head. Miner said that Keathley was moaning as a person does during sexual activity...one of the girls that was in the front of the line looked over the stall wall and told everyone that one of the girls was 'going down' on the other. 'Going down' is slang for oral sex."
I swear the police report actually says that. This must have been the best night ever for these cops. "So you say she was going down on her, can you tell me exactly what that means?" Awesome.
The Next Spud Webb
I know that no one cares about the slam dunk contest because the best players don't compete. Except Amare Stoudamire, remember his dunk off the backboard via Nash's head? That was awesome. I think Fred Jones won it once. Horrible. Anyway, there might be a little reason to watch this year.
They've narrowed the field to four dunkers, defending champion Josh Smith of the Atlanta Hawks, AI2 aka Andre Iguodala of the 76ers and Syracuse standout Hakim Warrick, now on the Memphis Grizzlies. Even though Warrick is averaging less than 10 minutes a game he sure can sky. The fourth competitor is the Knicks own Master Nate Robinson. At 5'9", he's the shortest Slam Dunk competitor since Spud Webb won the damn thing.
They've narrowed the field to four dunkers, defending champion Josh Smith of the Atlanta Hawks, AI2 aka Andre Iguodala of the 76ers and Syracuse standout Hakim Warrick, now on the Memphis Grizzlies. Even though Warrick is averaging less than 10 minutes a game he sure can sky. The fourth competitor is the Knicks own Master Nate Robinson. At 5'9", he's the shortest Slam Dunk competitor since Spud Webb won the damn thing.
Britney To Go Gay
Britney Spears will appear on an episode of Will & Grace.
She guest-stars as a Christian conservative sidekick to Jack (Sean Hayes) on the episode “Jack Talk,” set to air on Thursday, April 13.
In the episode, when “Out TV” is bought by a Christian Television Network, Spears is brought on to be Jack’s new religious co-host—until Will (Eric McCormack) and Jack loosen her up.
Britney brings her own additions to the talk show when she decides to do a cooking segment called “Cruci-fixin’s.”
She guest-stars as a Christian conservative sidekick to Jack (Sean Hayes) on the episode “Jack Talk,” set to air on Thursday, April 13.
In the episode, when “Out TV” is bought by a Christian Television Network, Spears is brought on to be Jack’s new religious co-host—until Will (Eric McCormack) and Jack loosen her up.
Britney brings her own additions to the talk show when she decides to do a cooking segment called “Cruci-fixin’s.”
Go Sell Crazy Someplace Else
Nutjob and Michael Moore puppet Cindy Sheehan was arrested by Capitol Police before the State of the Union Address. She refused to cover up her t-shirt which said "2,245 Dead. How many more?" -- a reference to the number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq. She was handcuffed and charged with unlawful conduct, and released 4 hours later.
I feel very bad for her because she lost her son. But she is making herself an issue, instead of a person. She met with President Bush once. Why does she deserve a second audience with him? Her husband also divorced her recently because she is such a crazy lunatic. The liberal media is jumping all over her to get all the other bleeding hearts to feel sympathy. F--- Cindy Sheehan.
I feel very bad for her because she lost her son. But she is making herself an issue, instead of a person. She met with President Bush once. Why does she deserve a second audience with him? Her husband also divorced her recently because she is such a crazy lunatic. The liberal media is jumping all over her to get all the other bleeding hearts to feel sympathy. F--- Cindy Sheehan.
What an Honor
Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick (named as one of the worst big city mayors) gave Jerome Bettis a key to the city. The Bus is only the fourth person to receive the key to the city of Detroit. One of the previous three was Saddam Hussein.
Back in 1980, Hussein was on the side of the good guys, and just after he was "elected" president of Iraq, he became friends with a Rev. Jacob Yasso, who ran Chaldean Sacred Heart church in the Motor City.
Yasso told The Associated Press recently that Hussein was "very kind, very generous, very cooperative with the West."
"Money and power changed the person," Yasso added.
Evidently.
Chaldeans are a Catholic group in predominantly Muslim Iraq, and Detroit is a city with a large Muslim population. Hussein donated money to many Chaldean churches, according to the AP, and gave the church in Detroit $250,000.
Yasso then traveled to Iraq, where he gave Hussein a key on behalf of then-mayor Coleman Young.
Back in 1980, Hussein was on the side of the good guys, and just after he was "elected" president of Iraq, he became friends with a Rev. Jacob Yasso, who ran Chaldean Sacred Heart church in the Motor City.
Yasso told The Associated Press recently that Hussein was "very kind, very generous, very cooperative with the West."
"Money and power changed the person," Yasso added.
Evidently.
Chaldeans are a Catholic group in predominantly Muslim Iraq, and Detroit is a city with a large Muslim population. Hussein donated money to many Chaldean churches, according to the AP, and gave the church in Detroit $250,000.
Yasso then traveled to Iraq, where he gave Hussein a key on behalf of then-mayor Coleman Young.
"Now I'll Buy Her Anything She Wants"
Famous last words. Josh and Erin were so funny. Even Erin couldn't help but laugh at him. "I want a fridge and a TV in the same room." I think the package started with a shot of Brock at the wedding. Kudos to Josh for having "How I Met Your Mother" playing on his screen for part of the time. But where was Kevin? I was really hoping he would appear. He would make the TV look even bigger in comparision. But that reminds me, I have never seen a picture of Kevin because I refused to look at him dressed up in a business suit.
More Fame for Josh and Erin
Producers for CBS' Early Show saw Josh and Erin in USA Today. Josh and Erin are now the poster children for marital discord caused by big screen TVs. A crew came to their house earlier this week to shoot a segment with them. It will air Wednesday on CBS at about 8:10am.
See It Again for the First Time
My episode of "Stump the Schwab" will air Thursday at 1pm on ESPN Classic. Unfortunately the record for most 3-pointers in a game will still be 12. And Stu Scott will still be a dick.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
David Silver's Dad
For the last 7 years, Matthew Laurance (not Joey's brother or Shaun Hunter's brother) has been the sideline reporter for Duke basketball games.
Prior to that he played Dr. Mel Silver, David's father on Beverly Hills, 90210.
Laurance had become friends with Krzyzewski after playing in a charity golf tournament in Durham in the early 1990s. He told Krzyzewski in 1999 that he was unhappy, and the coach suggested he move to Durham and try sportscasting.
Detroit or the Congo?
Coach Mike Holmgren's wife will not be at the Super Bowl in Detroit. She'll be with their daughter Calla, a doctor, on a trip to the Republic of Congo as part of a Northwest Medical Teams venture.
Kathy Holmgren was a medical missionary in the early 1970s when she first traveled to the African nation to do volunteer work. Back then, the country was known as Zaire. This time, she's returning to the same town where she did her work in what the coach described as "a dream come true for her."
Mike Holmgren gave his wife the trip as a Christmas present. So it was planned well before the Seahawks advanced to the Super Bowl.
On Super Bowl Sunday, Kathy will be in Africa and not at the game.
Why the hell didn't Holmgren make the reservation for a week later, just in case?
Is Africa going somewhere?
Kathy Holmgren was a medical missionary in the early 1970s when she first traveled to the African nation to do volunteer work. Back then, the country was known as Zaire. This time, she's returning to the same town where she did her work in what the coach described as "a dream come true for her."
Mike Holmgren gave his wife the trip as a Christmas present. So it was planned well before the Seahawks advanced to the Super Bowl.
On Super Bowl Sunday, Kathy will be in Africa and not at the game.
Why the hell didn't Holmgren make the reservation for a week later, just in case?
Is Africa going somewhere?
Throwback Jerseys
Yesterday as a tribute to Jerome Bettis several of the Steelers wore his Notre Dame throwback jersey. I'm pretty sure I even saw Bettis wearing one.
Fuck With the Bull You Get the Horns
A bull at a Mexican bullfight pulled a Ron Artest. Pajarito (Little Bird) jumped the wall and attacked the fans. He only hurt two of those fuckers before they came and killed him. They resumed the bullfight 30 minutes later.
Watch video of Pajarito's last stand.
Watch video of Pajarito's last stand.
The President of Finland
The President of Finland narrowly won re-election, thanks in part to the endorsement of Conan O'Brien. Why does Conan care about Tarja Halonen?
Celeb Sighting
Saw Charles Barkley today. A friend of mine walks by my desk and says "Charles Barkley is in the bathroom." I get up and I am talking to my friend who goes to get a drink of water. I'm still talking to him but facing the hallway. Barkley walks by looks at me, sees me staring at him, and doesn't know that anyone was in the breakroom talking to me. He thinks I was just staring down the hallway. Oh well, I hate him anyway.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Erin and I Would Love This
ESPN is strongly considering putting talk show host/columnist Tony Kornheiser on its Monday Night Football telecast next year.
ESPN is expected to decide after the Super Bowl if it will force Al Michaels to honor the eight-year $32 million contract he signed this summer. But they may turn to Plan B which includes Kornheiser, Mike Tirico and Joe Theismann. ESPN is reportedly prepare to offer Kornheiser around $1 million.
If Kornheiser takes the offer then he is expected to continue to co-host Pardon the Interruption.
In fact, PTI would be aired live from the Monday Night site each week.
This would be awesome. I love Tony Kornheiser. Erin would love to watch Tony on her big screen TV. She says Tony reminds her of me because we are funny, cranky Jewish guys who like to scream and go to bed early.
Tony has a great sense of humor as evidenced by the funny costumes he wears and Uranus jokes he makes.
This would be a great move for MNF because it would accomplish some of what Dennis Miller's hiring was designed to do (get a guy with a good sense of humor in the booth) but since his sports knowledge is unquestioned, he wouldn't lose credibility.
A few things lead me to believe this won't happen:
1) This report was in the New York Post, where writers frequently make shit up
2) Tony hates to fly and no longer travels to games because of it. But that bus gimmick worked pretty well for Madden
3) Tony goes to bed very early because he does a morning radio show
But I hope somehow they make it happen.
ESPN is expected to decide after the Super Bowl if it will force Al Michaels to honor the eight-year $32 million contract he signed this summer. But they may turn to Plan B which includes Kornheiser, Mike Tirico and Joe Theismann. ESPN is reportedly prepare to offer Kornheiser around $1 million.
If Kornheiser takes the offer then he is expected to continue to co-host Pardon the Interruption.
In fact, PTI would be aired live from the Monday Night site each week.
This would be awesome. I love Tony Kornheiser. Erin would love to watch Tony on her big screen TV. She says Tony reminds her of me because we are funny, cranky Jewish guys who like to scream and go to bed early.
Tony has a great sense of humor as evidenced by the funny costumes he wears and Uranus jokes he makes.
This would be a great move for MNF because it would accomplish some of what Dennis Miller's hiring was designed to do (get a guy with a good sense of humor in the booth) but since his sports knowledge is unquestioned, he wouldn't lose credibility.
A few things lead me to believe this won't happen:
1) This report was in the New York Post, where writers frequently make shit up
2) Tony hates to fly and no longer travels to games because of it. But that bus gimmick worked pretty well for Madden
3) Tony goes to bed very early because he does a morning radio show
But I hope somehow they make it happen.
Grab Some at Your Supermarket Checkout Counter
West Virginia on the Cutting Edge
West Virginia will put the popular Dance Dance Revolution video game, along with Xbox video consoles, into all 765 public schools, to be used in physical education and health classes and the state will develop a special DDR curriculum.
I bring this up for 3 reasons:
1) A few years ago in Maine Kate and I walked by the arcade and two kids were playing(?) this game. They were incredible. They hit every step perfectly. There was a crowd of people watching. Later a movie was made about these two kids. It was called "Brokeback Mountain." Just kidding, it was an incredible performance.
2) I once read an article on childhood obesity and it said the number one way to get girls involved in exercise is through dance.
3) No wonder Billy is so skinny. He loves dancing.
I bring this up for 3 reasons:
1) A few years ago in Maine Kate and I walked by the arcade and two kids were playing(?) this game. They were incredible. They hit every step perfectly. There was a crowd of people watching. Later a movie was made about these two kids. It was called "Brokeback Mountain." Just kidding, it was an incredible performance.
2) I once read an article on childhood obesity and it said the number one way to get girls involved in exercise is through dance.
3) No wonder Billy is so skinny. He loves dancing.
The 12th Man
Texas A&M (not ATM, Derek) is suing the Seattle Seahawks for their use of the term 12th man. According to lore, in 1922, Texas A&M had injuries and was running out of players. They called a former football player (who had quit the team to play basketball) in from the stands to suit up. Although he didn't play in the game it became a tradition at Texas A&M to refer to the fans as the 12th man. In 1990 they got a trademark on the phrase. In 1984 the Seattle Seahawks retired the #12 in honor of their 12th man. Texas A&M sent the Seahawks a cease and desist letter. Seems petty, but if they were legally granted a trademark I think they are entitled to enforce their rights. I don't think a trademark should have ever been issued for this or any other common word or phrase. Three-peat, I could see. 12th man, nuh-uh. I hope PP's official intellectual property expert will weigh in with his informed legal opinion.
More Pedro News
Pedro confirmed that he recently married Carolina Cruz, a Dominican reporter for ESPN.
As for his ailing right big toe, which might force him out of the World Baseball Classic, Pedro is still waiting for the specially designed shoe from Nike that, he hopes, will provide the necessary cushion.
"I have faith in God, and I know I'll be ready," Martinez said. "I'm being optimistic that I'll be able to play the World Baseball Classic and the 2006 season." The injury, Martinez said, resulted from "irregular movement" from his pitching delivery, damaging the cartilage of the toe.
"The pain became insufferable during the 2004 season, and I had to take a cortisone shot in order to tolerate the pain and be able to help Boston win the World Series," he said. "Last year, the pain returned in June, but the doctors recommended that, rather than ignoring the wound by applying cortisone, I rehabilitate the foot instead, which is what we're doing right now."
As for his ailing right big toe, which might force him out of the World Baseball Classic, Pedro is still waiting for the specially designed shoe from Nike that, he hopes, will provide the necessary cushion.
"I have faith in God, and I know I'll be ready," Martinez said. "I'm being optimistic that I'll be able to play the World Baseball Classic and the 2006 season." The injury, Martinez said, resulted from "irregular movement" from his pitching delivery, damaging the cartilage of the toe.
"The pain became insufferable during the 2004 season, and I had to take a cortisone shot in order to tolerate the pain and be able to help Boston win the World Series," he said. "Last year, the pain returned in June, but the doctors recommended that, rather than ignoring the wound by applying cortisone, I rehabilitate the foot instead, which is what we're doing right now."
Pedro Slaps A-Rod
After much consternation, Alex Rodriguez chose to play in the World Baseball Classic for the United States. Pedro Martinez says A-Rod should have followed the lead of Mike Piazza and Nomar Garciaparra, who both chose to play for the countries of their origin over the countries of their residence. Pedro warns:
"Now Alex must prepare for the nasty comments that will arise in the Bronx, where almost half of the citizens are Latino and purely Dominican. In fact, when Alex gets [to the Dominican Republic] it's possible that not even the reporters will be here to welcome him."
"Now Alex must prepare for the nasty comments that will arise in the Bronx, where almost half of the citizens are Latino and purely Dominican. In fact, when Alex gets [to the Dominican Republic] it's possible that not even the reporters will be here to welcome him."
Greed
Remember when Doug Flutie drop kicked the extra point in the Patriots' final game of the regular season against the Dolphins? Because they lined up in the 2-point conversion formation they never put the net up. The ball went into the stands and was caught by a fan. The Pro Football Hall of Fame wanted the ball. The Patriots tracked down the fan and these were his demands:
''1. Payment of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND ($100,000.00) DOLLARS [lawyer's capitals] on delivery of the football.
''2. A guarantee of eight (8) season tickets for 25 years in the end zone (preferably sections 142 or 143).
''a. The season tickets will be paid for annually by my client at the then going price for season tickets. The Patriots would not be expected to pay for the tickets
''3. Delivery by the Patriots to my client sometime in September, 2006, of a Tom Brady Patriots' football jersey signed by all the team members as of the beginning of the next football season."
''4. One sexual encounter with Bridget Moynihan, girlfriend of Tom Brady."
Ok, so I made #4 up, but would you really be surprised?
The Patriots told the guy to go fry ice. And I don't blame them.
''1. Payment of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND ($100,000.00) DOLLARS [lawyer's capitals] on delivery of the football.
''2. A guarantee of eight (8) season tickets for 25 years in the end zone (preferably sections 142 or 143).
''a. The season tickets will be paid for annually by my client at the then going price for season tickets. The Patriots would not be expected to pay for the tickets
''3. Delivery by the Patriots to my client sometime in September, 2006, of a Tom Brady Patriots' football jersey signed by all the team members as of the beginning of the next football season."
''4. One sexual encounter with Bridget Moynihan, girlfriend of Tom Brady."
Ok, so I made #4 up, but would you really be surprised?
The Patriots told the guy to go fry ice. And I don't blame them.
A Good Day for Guys With Funny Names
Kevin Pittsnogle had 19 points, including a clutch 3-pointer late that ended St. John's comeback. He also grabbed 8 rebounds.
Matt Haryasz had 24 points (fifth straight 20 point game) and 10 rebounds as Stanford beat #9 Washington in overtime.
He was also part of an amazing play at the end of regulation.
Lawrence Hill inbounded from beneath Washington's basket to a lunging Haryasz, who flipped the ball to Chris Hernandez, who quickly released a 3 from the right wing and got fouled by Justin Dentmon as the buzzer went off. The officials quickly huddled to review the play, put .2 back on the clock and gave Hernandez three free throws. He made all three and sent the game into overtime.
Matt Haryasz had 24 points (fifth straight 20 point game) and 10 rebounds as Stanford beat #9 Washington in overtime.
He was also part of an amazing play at the end of regulation.
Lawrence Hill inbounded from beneath Washington's basket to a lunging Haryasz, who flipped the ball to Chris Hernandez, who quickly released a 3 from the right wing and got fouled by Justin Dentmon as the buzzer went off. The officials quickly huddled to review the play, put .2 back on the clock and gave Hernandez three free throws. He made all three and sent the game into overtime.
Big Momma
``Big Momma's House 2'' debuted in first place this weekend with $28 million in North American ticket sales. It was the second best-ever January opener. I guess they don't make too many good movies premiere in January.
More Poker
The Travel Channel is launching a new tournament, The Professional Poker Tour. Seems like it will basically be the same as the World Poker Tour, airing in the same 9-11 time slot on Wednesday nights. That will mean 44 weeks of the year will be a new tournament. But on the PPT only professionals will play. I hope they keep around Vince Van Patten, I love him. Shana Hiatt is also definitely a must, especially if they visit tropical locations. I saw the season 3 Caribbean Poker Adventure, she was wearing this green bikini, good lawd.
He's Out of My Life
Rumors that Piazza would resign with the Mets after May 1 were put to rest when Piazza took a $2m 1-year deal from the Padres. The contract includes a mutual option for next year at $8m. That's never gonna happen.
He believes he can catch 100 games and play some first and DH in interleague games.
He should have gone to an American League to play DH and pad his stats. Unfortunately he's too married to catching, which is why he never wanted to give first base a shot with the Mets.
Good riddance Mike, good luck in San Diego, and stay classy.
He believes he can catch 100 games and play some first and DH in interleague games.
He should have gone to an American League to play DH and pad his stats. Unfortunately he's too married to catching, which is why he never wanted to give first base a shot with the Mets.
Good riddance Mike, good luck in San Diego, and stay classy.
Another Horrid Showing
SU dropped its fourth straight game yesterday to Seton Hall in the Dome. SU was victimized by hot shooting by Jamar Nutter who's long 3-pointer gave me flashbacks of the Vermont game. The worst part was, three straight times down the court Seton Hall missed the front end of a 1-and-1 but SU couldn't capitalize.
Another great game for Gerry McNamara 5-17 shooting (3-12 from 3), with 2 assists and 5 turnovers.
One bright spot, Derek did find a new favorite player.
Another great game for Gerry McNamara 5-17 shooting (3-12 from 3), with 2 assists and 5 turnovers.
One bright spot, Derek did find a new favorite player.
Big Screen TVs Rule
Josh and Erin are in today's USA Today regarding the size of their TV. Erin hates it, Josh loves it.
"The days when you could pick up a TV yourself and all you had to do was just plug it in? So over.
Erin Hughes, 28, kind of wishes they weren't. When she got married in 2004, her wedding present was permission to hold a wedding for 500 guests; husband Josh's present was permission to buy a big-screen TV. Then a 51-inch TV arrived at their 1,100-square-foot apartment in Centreville, Va.
"I cried and begged him to return it," she says. "I actually almost returned my brand-new living room furniture because of the gigantic TV. It seems 80 feet big."
A year later, she still wishes she could hide the Hitachi floor unit that comes with its own stand. Josh, also 28, sees no need for that — in fact, he jokes about putting lights around it.
"It's a wonderful thing," he says. "It actually dominates the room. That's how I wanted it. For people in my age range, the size of your TV is the new golf handicap — you now define yourself by the size of your TV."
When they buy a house, he says, they'll get an even bigger TV. His wife sighs."
The picture on the front page of the D section is priceless. I will scan it in when I get home.
"The days when you could pick up a TV yourself and all you had to do was just plug it in? So over.
Erin Hughes, 28, kind of wishes they weren't. When she got married in 2004, her wedding present was permission to hold a wedding for 500 guests; husband Josh's present was permission to buy a big-screen TV. Then a 51-inch TV arrived at their 1,100-square-foot apartment in Centreville, Va.
"I cried and begged him to return it," she says. "I actually almost returned my brand-new living room furniture because of the gigantic TV. It seems 80 feet big."
A year later, she still wishes she could hide the Hitachi floor unit that comes with its own stand. Josh, also 28, sees no need for that — in fact, he jokes about putting lights around it.
"It's a wonderful thing," he says. "It actually dominates the room. That's how I wanted it. For people in my age range, the size of your TV is the new golf handicap — you now define yourself by the size of your TV."
When they buy a house, he says, they'll get an even bigger TV. His wife sighs."
The picture on the front page of the D section is priceless. I will scan it in when I get home.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Celebrity Sex Tapes
CNN gives a nice long history of celebrity sex tapes. Marilyn Monroe made one. Rob Lowe made one. And maybe you hadn't heard but Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee made one also. And then there's this Paris Hilton. The article delves in why Paris' tape basically made her career. It also mentions our good friend Vincent Gallo. His movie, "The Brown Bunny," ended with a prolonged oral sex scene between him and co-star Chloe Sevigny. I saw it, there was no simulation, his dick was in her mouth. So what's so different about a sex tape?
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Are Tights Lucky?
The Cleveland Cavaliers are 5-0 since LeBron James began wearing tights under his shorts. Anywhere else that we've seen great fortune be visited upon a man wearing tights?
TallSkott Needs to Answer This Ad
On Craigslist:
I have a fantasy that I would like to live out. As you guessed it. You come over in a Roethlisberger jersey, bend me over and fuck me. I don't want a relationship but would like this fantasy filled before the Super Bowl. Thanks. Send a picture and maybe we can meet up.
I have a fantasy that I would like to live out. As you guessed it. You come over in a Roethlisberger jersey, bend me over and fuck me. I don't want a relationship but would like this fantasy filled before the Super Bowl. Thanks. Send a picture and maybe we can meet up.
Happy Anniversary
This is the 500th post on the Paul's Poop (formerly News U Can't Use). To celebrate the occassion I've gone back and created a list of my 20 favorite posts. Some of them are more than one link relating to either the same story or the same premise. Please feel free to share any thoughts on the list or something you may remember that I left off.
Now on to our countdown:
20. I love Eva Longoria, and the pop-up captions on this one are great
19. I still think this is the funniest name in college basketball But Derek likes Chris Porn better
18. How to test a toilet
17. How I Met Your Mother is a good show
16. Knicks naked shower fight, Sobel loves this one
15. Sex Boat Legal proceedings, poor Smoot
14. The FSU slut
13. For sheer coincidence this should be #1
12. ESPN caption fuck up, you won't find this one anywhere else but here
11. Carrie Underwood and puppies, ladies love puppies
10. How I won the football pool for Adam and Harley
9. Pictures of me and my jerseys and a new jersey and we can't forget my jersey recommendations for our readers
8. Pictures of Diesel and Diesel's trip to the hospital
7. Pictures of a hot black chick with a big ass and Pictures of a hot white chick with long legs
6. Melo and LeBron, surely a running theme on this blog for the next 15 years
5. Combining two Justins, Justin is great with photoshop, Justin rules
4. The Program -- greatest comments section of any post
3. Pittsnogle
2. Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders bathroom sex
1. Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation
Now on to our countdown:
20. I love Eva Longoria, and the pop-up captions on this one are great
19. I still think this is the funniest name in college basketball But Derek likes Chris Porn better
18. How to test a toilet
17. How I Met Your Mother is a good show
16. Knicks naked shower fight, Sobel loves this one
15. Sex Boat Legal proceedings, poor Smoot
14. The FSU slut
13. For sheer coincidence this should be #1
12. ESPN caption fuck up, you won't find this one anywhere else but here
11. Carrie Underwood and puppies, ladies love puppies
10. How I won the football pool for Adam and Harley
9. Pictures of me and my jerseys and a new jersey and we can't forget my jersey recommendations for our readers
8. Pictures of Diesel and Diesel's trip to the hospital
7. Pictures of a hot black chick with a big ass and Pictures of a hot white chick with long legs
6. Melo and LeBron, surely a running theme on this blog for the next 15 years
5. Combining two Justins, Justin is great with photoshop, Justin rules
4. The Program -- greatest comments section of any post
3. Pittsnogle
2. Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders bathroom sex
1. Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation
Birdman High on Something
New Orleans Hornets forward Chris Andersen was kicked out of the league for failing a drug test. He has to wait two years for reinstatement. It seems Andersen tested positive for a "drug of abuse" like meth or cocaine. Those are the drugs for which you get kicked out of the league on the first offense. Only on the fourth positive for steroids is that the penalty. Andersen never tested positive for steroids, and I don't think steroids are a big problem in the NBA. Pot is a huge problem in the NBA but the penalties are much less severe.
Bode Miller Pops Off
I ignored it when skier Bode Miller said he's skied drunk. I didn't pay attention when used a bunch of cursewords to describe U.S. ski officials. But this time I figure I'll give the guy a little pub, since that what he seems to be looking for.
Miller told Rolling Stone magazine regarding drug testing policies:
"Right now, if you want to cheat, you can: Barry Bonds and those guys are just knowingly cheating, but there's all sorts of loopholes. If you say it has to be 'knowingly,' you do what Lance [Armstrong] and all those guys do, where every morning their doctor gives them a box of pills and they don't ask anything, they just take the pills."
He is 100% right. Bonds reportedly told a grand jury that his trainer gave him "the clear" and told him it was flaxseed oil. That's just the excuse everyone uses so they can have plausible deniability. I feel exactly the same way Miller does. We know Bonds used steroids, and I'm pretty sure Armstrong did too. But they know how to beat the tests. At least Major League Baseball didn't let Palmeiro off the hook on the Sargeant Schultz "I know nothing" defense.
Only thing about Miller, maybe he shouldn't have used names, or if he had to, he could have mentioned Rafael Palmeiro and other known users. Oh and this better not be like Raffy's "thou dost protest too much" act in Congress. If Miller fails a drug test, he's done. And he should probably win a gold medal or two.
Miller told Rolling Stone magazine regarding drug testing policies:
"Right now, if you want to cheat, you can: Barry Bonds and those guys are just knowingly cheating, but there's all sorts of loopholes. If you say it has to be 'knowingly,' you do what Lance [Armstrong] and all those guys do, where every morning their doctor gives them a box of pills and they don't ask anything, they just take the pills."
He is 100% right. Bonds reportedly told a grand jury that his trainer gave him "the clear" and told him it was flaxseed oil. That's just the excuse everyone uses so they can have plausible deniability. I feel exactly the same way Miller does. We know Bonds used steroids, and I'm pretty sure Armstrong did too. But they know how to beat the tests. At least Major League Baseball didn't let Palmeiro off the hook on the Sargeant Schultz "I know nothing" defense.
Only thing about Miller, maybe he shouldn't have used names, or if he had to, he could have mentioned Rafael Palmeiro and other known users. Oh and this better not be like Raffy's "thou dost protest too much" act in Congress. If Miller fails a drug test, he's done. And he should probably win a gold medal or two.
Iconoclasm Rewarded
The Pennsylvania kid who was persecuted by his high school teacher for wearing a Denver Broncos jersey before the AFC Championship game was given a chair by former Denver quarterback John Elway (the man honored on the #7 jersey the kid wore that day.)
Elway designs furniture for Bassett Furniture. Elway sent him a reclining massage chair. He said "No Broncos fan should have to sit on the floor."
Elway designs furniture for Bassett Furniture. Elway sent him a reclining massage chair. He said "No Broncos fan should have to sit on the floor."
Friday, January 27, 2006
Mike Loves Registries
The Pittsnogles are expecting their first child any day now. The due date is Thursday February 2nd (Groundhog Day and Helaine's birthday). You can buy them a gift off of their registry at Babies R Us. May I suggest the "My Family Tree is Full of Nuts" onesie and hat set.
Oprah Apologizes
You may remember that Oprah got scammed by Jame Frey, the author of "A Million Little Pieces." The book was a memoir of the author's experiences with drugs. Turns out he exaggerated a lot of it. Oprah stood by him. Now Oprah is changing her mind.
Oprah said she felt conned and embarrassed, and she wishes she hadn't called Larry King to defend Frey.
"I regret that phone call. I made a mistake. I left the impression that the truth does not matter, and I am deeply sorry about that. That is not what I believe. I called in because I loved the message of his book. At the time, every day, I was reading e-mail after e-mail from people who were inspired by his story. And I have to say I allowed that to cloud my judgment. To everyone who has challenged my position, you are absolutely right."
I challeneged her position. I said that when this first happened she should have thrown him under the bus. She should have said all of this then. That she was duped, but still believe the book has an interesting story to tell and point to make.
Oprah said she felt conned and embarrassed, and she wishes she hadn't called Larry King to defend Frey.
"I regret that phone call. I made a mistake. I left the impression that the truth does not matter, and I am deeply sorry about that. That is not what I believe. I called in because I loved the message of his book. At the time, every day, I was reading e-mail after e-mail from people who were inspired by his story. And I have to say I allowed that to cloud my judgment. To everyone who has challenged my position, you are absolutely right."
I challeneged her position. I said that when this first happened she should have thrown him under the bus. She should have said all of this then. That she was duped, but still believe the book has an interesting story to tell and point to make.
Nice Name Asshole
Reissberg's dad is probably the only fan of MLS in America. So he was probably furious to find out that when the San Jose Earthquakes moved to Houston, they chose the name 1836. Not the 1836ers (like 76ers or 49ers), just 1836, the year Houston was founded. That is an incredibly stupid team name.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I Didn't Think Urine Contained DNA
Paris Hilton's publicists are trying to silence a Hawaiian taxi driver who claims the socialite urinated in his cab.
Harden Jamison tells the National Enquirer the hotel heiress and Simple Life star was too drunk to notice she'd wet herself when he picked her and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos up after a party on Maui.
The disgusted cab driver claims he mopped up the mess with a towel and plans to use Hilton's own DNA as evidence against her.
Jamison has gone public with his story after getting threatened by Hilton's heavies, who hitched a ride in his cab, after making it known that he has a towel drenched with the socialite's urine.
He says, "They were all drunk and abusive. I kicked them out and flagged down a cop."
The cab driver claims one of Hilton's pals offered him $200 for the towel.
A spokesman for the socialite denies the incident.
Harden Jamison tells the National Enquirer the hotel heiress and Simple Life star was too drunk to notice she'd wet herself when he picked her and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos up after a party on Maui.
The disgusted cab driver claims he mopped up the mess with a towel and plans to use Hilton's own DNA as evidence against her.
Jamison has gone public with his story after getting threatened by Hilton's heavies, who hitched a ride in his cab, after making it known that he has a towel drenched with the socialite's urine.
He says, "They were all drunk and abusive. I kicked them out and flagged down a cop."
The cab driver claims one of Hilton's pals offered him $200 for the towel.
A spokesman for the socialite denies the incident.
We Still Love Him
My affinity for Kevin Pittsnogle is not diminished by his Patrick Ewing guarantee regarding West Virginia's game against Marshall.
Before the game he said:
“We’ll win. We’re going to do it. I have faith in my teammates. I know coach doesn’t like it, but I’m going to do it anyway. I guarantee a win. Myself and the other seniors have a pact. We know we’re going to win. There is no doubt. I guarantee it.”
After teh game he said:
"I'm still glad I said it. There's nothing wrong with what I said. I think it was just more like confidence.''
That's because WVU lost, 58-52. Pitts did have 20 points though.
Before the game he said:
“We’ll win. We’re going to do it. I have faith in my teammates. I know coach doesn’t like it, but I’m going to do it anyway. I guarantee a win. Myself and the other seniors have a pact. We know we’re going to win. There is no doubt. I guarantee it.”
After teh game he said:
"I'm still glad I said it. There's nothing wrong with what I said. I think it was just more like confidence.''
That's because WVU lost, 58-52. Pitts did have 20 points though.
Coach Ditka Flushes His Dignity
Mike Ditka has a ridiculous commercial for www.halftimeflush.com airing during the Super Bowl.
He'll help you brush up on your toilet flushing techniques in advance of the annual Super Bowl flush. According to urban legend (and the folks at Scott brand toilet paper), football fans will flush 90 million toilets at roughly the same time during Super Bowl XL. The amount of water flushed during halftime is the same amount that flows over Niagra Falls in seven minutes. The Web site offers advice for avoiding clogs during the “Halftime Flush.”
The Scott “Clog Clinic” has teamed up with former Ditka (former coach of Da Bears!) to “take control of toilet terror” at halftimeflush.com. At the website you can find, clog prevention tips from Scott Clog Clinic researchers; an informational video starring Ditka; 10 uses for that soon-to-be obsolete plunger; a toilet flushing ring tone for your mobile phone; a “Know Your Flusher” matching game; a downloadable “Clog Free Zone” sign; and, of course, information about the rapid “dissolvability” of Scott tissue.
Do not use your toilet as a wastebasket. Do not put small objects on the back of your toilet that could fall in and cause a clog.
Says Ditka: “See, during halftime, so many johns are flushed, they go into overtime mode. All that water pressure can cause serious clogs, so it’s important to prepare.”
He'll help you brush up on your toilet flushing techniques in advance of the annual Super Bowl flush. According to urban legend (and the folks at Scott brand toilet paper), football fans will flush 90 million toilets at roughly the same time during Super Bowl XL. The amount of water flushed during halftime is the same amount that flows over Niagra Falls in seven minutes. The Web site offers advice for avoiding clogs during the “Halftime Flush.”
The Scott “Clog Clinic” has teamed up with former Ditka (former coach of Da Bears!) to “take control of toilet terror” at halftimeflush.com. At the website you can find, clog prevention tips from Scott Clog Clinic researchers; an informational video starring Ditka; 10 uses for that soon-to-be obsolete plunger; a toilet flushing ring tone for your mobile phone; a “Know Your Flusher” matching game; a downloadable “Clog Free Zone” sign; and, of course, information about the rapid “dissolvability” of Scott tissue.
Do not use your toilet as a wastebasket. Do not put small objects on the back of your toilet that could fall in and cause a clog.
Says Ditka: “See, during halftime, so many johns are flushed, they go into overtime mode. All that water pressure can cause serious clogs, so it’s important to prepare.”
TallSkott Suspended
Greg Ostertag was suspended indefinitely by the Utah Jazz on Thursday for his conduct after a loss to Seattle.
The center did not show up for practice Thursday morning, a day after playing less than 10 minutes in a 113-94 loss to the SuperSonics.
"We did not tell him not to come to practice," said Kevin O'Connor, Jazz vice president for basketball operations.
Ostertag's agent, Jeff Austin, did not return messages from The Associated Press on Thursday. Ostertag told The Deseret Morning News on Thursday that he had told O'Connor he wouldn't be at practice.
O'Connor, who would not elaborate on what got Ostertag suspended, said he told Ostertag that wasn't acceptable and he was expected at practice Thursday morning.
The center did not show up for practice Thursday morning, a day after playing less than 10 minutes in a 113-94 loss to the SuperSonics.
"We did not tell him not to come to practice," said Kevin O'Connor, Jazz vice president for basketball operations.
Ostertag's agent, Jeff Austin, did not return messages from The Associated Press on Thursday. Ostertag told The Deseret Morning News on Thursday that he had told O'Connor he wouldn't be at practice.
O'Connor, who would not elaborate on what got Ostertag suspended, said he told Ostertag that wasn't acceptable and he was expected at practice Thursday morning.
Jalen Fires Back
Denver Nuggets fans were taunting the Raptors after they allowed Kobe to score 81 points against them.
Rose said he hoped people will eventually forget it was the Raptors who were on the wrong side of history the night before: "It's kind of like losing the Super Bowl or the championship. In 30, 40 years, when somebody breaks his record, you know, nobody's going to remember who it was against."
Fans at the Pepsi Center kept reminding the Raptors of Bryant's 81 every chance they got.
In the closing minutes, one final heckler hollered "Kobe!" at Rose, who turned and quickly quieted him.
"Plummer!" Rose shot back, reminding Denver's fans of their own nightmarish Sunday, when Jake Plummer turned the ball over four times in the Broncos' 34-17 loss to visiting Pittsburgh in the AFC championship.
Derek just added Jalen Rose to his hate list.
Rose said he hoped people will eventually forget it was the Raptors who were on the wrong side of history the night before: "It's kind of like losing the Super Bowl or the championship. In 30, 40 years, when somebody breaks his record, you know, nobody's going to remember who it was against."
Fans at the Pepsi Center kept reminding the Raptors of Bryant's 81 every chance they got.
In the closing minutes, one final heckler hollered "Kobe!" at Rose, who turned and quickly quieted him.
"Plummer!" Rose shot back, reminding Denver's fans of their own nightmarish Sunday, when Jake Plummer turned the ball over four times in the Broncos' 34-17 loss to visiting Pittsburgh in the AFC championship.
Derek just added Jalen Rose to his hate list.
How Tiger Met Elin
The story goes that Tiger was so nervous about asking his future wife on a first date, he had an intermediary do it. Call it a snap hook.
"Her reaction was, 'What the hell was that?'" a friend of Elin's told Sports Illustrated. "She thought it was so weird and pathetic." That she didn't immediately swoon for one of the world's most recognizable athletes says a lot.
Nordegren, who first met Woods in 2001 while working as a nanny to Jesper Parvenik's kids, had no use for fame or golfers, and thought the sport was silly. But Woods wouldn't give up, and they had formed a tight bond before the occasion of their $1.5 million Caribbean wedding in late '04. Elin, a twin, is a former swimsuit model, but she is anything but flashy. One observer calls her the "Greta Garbo" of the tour wives. She wears dark Nike clothes and cap on the course, and when asked one time if she'd ever run onto the green to kiss her husband after a victory, she replied, "Oh, no, never."
Elin's divorced parents are hard-charging professionals. Her mother, Barboro Holmberg, is a Minister of Migration in the Swedish government, and her dad, Thomas Nordegren, is a Swedish Broadcasting journalist based in Washington, D.C. And though she will never have to work a day in her life, Elin, 26, enrolled this fall at private Rollins College in Winter Park, Fla. She pushed Tiger to ski for the first time and learn Swedish, and he's taught her to scuba dive and dabble in golf.
"Without a doubt it helps having a partner there," Woods has said. "We're like a team. It makes you stronger." Says Mia Parnevik: "With the weird lifestyle he leads, he might never have met a nice girl. He's lucky he found Elin. Can you imagine how empty his life was before she came along, just hitting golf balls all day?"
"Her reaction was, 'What the hell was that?'" a friend of Elin's told Sports Illustrated. "She thought it was so weird and pathetic." That she didn't immediately swoon for one of the world's most recognizable athletes says a lot.
Nordegren, who first met Woods in 2001 while working as a nanny to Jesper Parvenik's kids, had no use for fame or golfers, and thought the sport was silly. But Woods wouldn't give up, and they had formed a tight bond before the occasion of their $1.5 million Caribbean wedding in late '04. Elin, a twin, is a former swimsuit model, but she is anything but flashy. One observer calls her the "Greta Garbo" of the tour wives. She wears dark Nike clothes and cap on the course, and when asked one time if she'd ever run onto the green to kiss her husband after a victory, she replied, "Oh, no, never."
Elin's divorced parents are hard-charging professionals. Her mother, Barboro Holmberg, is a Minister of Migration in the Swedish government, and her dad, Thomas Nordegren, is a Swedish Broadcasting journalist based in Washington, D.C. And though she will never have to work a day in her life, Elin, 26, enrolled this fall at private Rollins College in Winter Park, Fla. She pushed Tiger to ski for the first time and learn Swedish, and he's taught her to scuba dive and dabble in golf.
"Without a doubt it helps having a partner there," Woods has said. "We're like a team. It makes you stronger." Says Mia Parnevik: "With the weird lifestyle he leads, he might never have met a nice girl. He's lucky he found Elin. Can you imagine how empty his life was before she came along, just hitting golf balls all day?"
SI Gets Pittsnogled
Finally some national attention for one of my favorite college basketball players ever. I reject the notion that was brought up this weekend, that I only like Pittsnogle because of his last name. I remember commenting on his big ears when he was a freshman. Back then he wore a short sleeve shirt under his jersey and looked like a 12-year old kid. Now he has a goatee, arms and tattoos to go with them. Plus he has developed a great outside game (as evidenced against Wake Forest in last year's tournament) and he's also become a good interior rebounder and defender. For non-subscribers here is the Sports Illustrated article on him that appears in this week's issue. I didn't read it yet because I have to read each issue cover-to-cover, in order.
Everybody's Been Pittsnogled!
His lovable name, long-range game and tattooed 6'11" frame have made homespun Kevin Pittsnogle West Virginia's most valuable natural resource since coal. And his Mountaineers are a force to be reckoned with
By Grant Wahl
Patty Colebank, the doyenne of the Thinkin' Ink tattoo parlor in Morgantown, W.Va., might be called the Picasso of the Appalachians if she didn't have a first-rate handle already, right there on her business card: the Mistress of Pain. In 16 years the Mistress has tattooed all manner of luminaries (future NFL players, Olympians, porn stars) and all manner of body parts ("eyelids, penises, bottoms of feet"), yet she has never had a regular customer quite like West Virginia's resident folk hero, Mountaineers senior center Kevin Pittsnogle.
"He's the most laid-back popular person I've met," says Colebank, who has created three of Pittsnogle's half-dozen tats and (at his urging) two for his mother, Tammy. Last week Pittsnogle and his wife, Heather, paid the Mistress a visit to go over plans for her next masterwork: a baby boy surrounded by angel wings sitting on a cloud bearing the name Kwynsie James Pittsnogle. Lil' Pitts is due to show up any day now, first in the hospital and then on Dad's right forearm. "We can't wait to be parents," Kevin says, and after three baby showers their two-bedroom apartment is ready. "The best gift we've gotten is the Diaper Genie -- you put the diapers in it so they don't stink up the whole house."
A year after Pittsnogle saw his name turned into a verb and came within a game of the Final Four, the Mountaineers are in no danger of stinking up their house, to say nothing of hostile arenas. Last Saturday's 60-56 win at No. 17 UCLA gave No. 9 West Virginia (14-3) its 12th straight victory, a streak that includes road takedowns of No. 6 Villanova and No. 24 Oklahoma. Through Sunday the Mountaineers were second in the nation in three-pointers per game (11.2), not least because their goateed marksman is dropping 2.2 treys a game -- a remarkable number for a big man.
"We have never played anybody like him," Sooners coach Kelvin Sampson says of Pittsnogle, who is averaging 19.8 points and 6.4 rebounds. "He's a two guard who grew to 6'11". They hardly ever post him up, and he's always open because it's foreign for big guys to go out and cover him."
"What separates him is his quick release," says West Virginia coach John Beilein. "I want to get a stopwatch and measure the time from when the passer releases the ball to when his shot hits the goal."
After removing his distinctive name from last year's NBA draft -- he would have been a second-round pick at best -- Pittsnogle has shed 27 pounds since October and now weighs a svelte 248. His draft stock has risen as his weight has dropped, with one NBA Western Conference scout projecting him as a late first-round or early second-round pick. "He shoots like a 6-footer," says the scout. "He'll never be an explosive inside player, but that's O.K. because he's so highly skilled at what he does."
And to think that back at Martinsburg (W.Va.) High, Pittsnogle got teased so much that he asked his mother if he could use her maiden name (Shepherd). "Now I say, 'See what Pittsnogle got you!'" roars Tammy, who wears a MOMMA PITT jersey to games and is so loud that she was once reproached by a Big East referee.
As the team's only West Virginia native on scholarship, Pittsnogle has spawned a cottage industry cashing in on his appeal. The phrase You've Been Pittsnogled! has appeared on T-shirts, socks and underwear, and no jersey has been more popular at the Mountaineers team store than his number 34 (which was sold out again last week). "It's even outsold the Jerry West jersey," says shop manager Chuck Phares, referring to the school's greatest player. "People ask, 'Do you have any fake Kevin Pittsnogle tattoos?'"
Pittsnogle's appeal is rooted in his hardscrabble mining-country background. He grew up in a trailer park, where the gravel basketball court forced him to abandon dribbling in favor of shooting all the time. His mom, Tammy, dropped out of high school and married his father, Kevin Sr., when she was 18. And Junior (as Kevin's mother calls him) can be a one-man Dukes of Hazzard episode -- he's had his license suspended twice for speeding in his 1995 light-blue Oldsmobile Aurora with 20-inch rims.
But, as is usually the case, this story doesn't fit all the stereotypes. The Pheasant Ridge Trailer Park? "It wasn't high class, but it was nice," says Pittsnogle, who moved with his family into a three-bedroom house at age 10. His dropout parents? Tammy got her GED and works as a home-care coordinator at a senior center, while Kevin Sr. is a supervising mechanic at a waste-management company where he's been employed for the past 26 years. "They've worked so hard," says their only son. "I always looked to my dad and said, If he can do that, I should be able to run down the court hard every time."
Those aren't the only surprising facts about Pittsnogle. He graduated in December -- a semester ahead of schedule, thanks to summer school -- becoming the first member of his family to earn a four-year degree. (He had a 3.1 GPA with a major in athletic-coaching education and a minor in history and has entered the master's program in athletic coaching education this semester.) He's also a fantastic bowler who once rolled a 296. After he's done with basketball, he wants to become a history teacher and satisfy his longtime curiosity about the Holocaust by visiting Auschwitz. "I've been to the Holocaust Museum in D.C.," he says, "and I figure it would be powerful to see [Auschwitz] too."
As for his driving, well, consider him guilty as charged. Pittsnogle's older sister, Erika Blaylock, remembers the time in high school when Kevin, then 15, jumped into the driver's seat of her future husband's car. "Kevin floored it in reverse and backed straight into our mom's van!" Blaylock says. "He jumped out of the car and said, 'Man, when I screw up, I really screw up.'" Then there was the time last summer when teammates Mike Gansey and Patrick Beilein took Pittsnogle to play golf for the first time. "My ball was on the green, so I drove my cart right up next to it," says Pittsnogle. "Everyone starts yelling, 'You can't do that!'" Pittsnogle shrugged, sank his putt and only then moved his cart.
While Pittsnogle is proud of his West Virginia heritage, he has a delightful sense of humor about his homespun tastes. Take his October 2004 wedding, which was held in the Martinsburg High auditorium. "You know how some receptions have fancy hors d'oeuvres?" says Pittsnogle. "Well, we had corn dogs and pizza. We wanted stuff that people would really eat. Then we had some dancing and karaoke. It was a lot of fun."
Not every day has been corn dogs and pizzas, however. A month before their wedding, Heather had a miscarriage. "The doctors tell you not to worry about it, that women have them all the time, but I took it hard," she says. "Kevin did what he could trying to make me feel better." Soon afterward, he got a tattoo on his right calf honoring their lost child. "It was real hard to deal with, but Coach Beilein was like a father figure for us," says Kevin. "Now he wants to know every day what's going on with Heather's pregnancy. He seems as excited as we are."
The team has already secured NCAA approval to fly Kevin back from a road trip if he's away when Heather goes into labor, which could happen any time now: She started having contractions in early January.
Instead of handing out cigars, Kevin plans on celebrating at the Thinkin' Ink. For one day, at least, the Mistress of Pain will be the Mistress of Joy too.
Everybody's Been Pittsnogled!
His lovable name, long-range game and tattooed 6'11" frame have made homespun Kevin Pittsnogle West Virginia's most valuable natural resource since coal. And his Mountaineers are a force to be reckoned with
By Grant Wahl
Patty Colebank, the doyenne of the Thinkin' Ink tattoo parlor in Morgantown, W.Va., might be called the Picasso of the Appalachians if she didn't have a first-rate handle already, right there on her business card: the Mistress of Pain. In 16 years the Mistress has tattooed all manner of luminaries (future NFL players, Olympians, porn stars) and all manner of body parts ("eyelids, penises, bottoms of feet"), yet she has never had a regular customer quite like West Virginia's resident folk hero, Mountaineers senior center Kevin Pittsnogle.
"He's the most laid-back popular person I've met," says Colebank, who has created three of Pittsnogle's half-dozen tats and (at his urging) two for his mother, Tammy. Last week Pittsnogle and his wife, Heather, paid the Mistress a visit to go over plans for her next masterwork: a baby boy surrounded by angel wings sitting on a cloud bearing the name Kwynsie James Pittsnogle. Lil' Pitts is due to show up any day now, first in the hospital and then on Dad's right forearm. "We can't wait to be parents," Kevin says, and after three baby showers their two-bedroom apartment is ready. "The best gift we've gotten is the Diaper Genie -- you put the diapers in it so they don't stink up the whole house."
A year after Pittsnogle saw his name turned into a verb and came within a game of the Final Four, the Mountaineers are in no danger of stinking up their house, to say nothing of hostile arenas. Last Saturday's 60-56 win at No. 17 UCLA gave No. 9 West Virginia (14-3) its 12th straight victory, a streak that includes road takedowns of No. 6 Villanova and No. 24 Oklahoma. Through Sunday the Mountaineers were second in the nation in three-pointers per game (11.2), not least because their goateed marksman is dropping 2.2 treys a game -- a remarkable number for a big man.
"We have never played anybody like him," Sooners coach Kelvin Sampson says of Pittsnogle, who is averaging 19.8 points and 6.4 rebounds. "He's a two guard who grew to 6'11". They hardly ever post him up, and he's always open because it's foreign for big guys to go out and cover him."
"What separates him is his quick release," says West Virginia coach John Beilein. "I want to get a stopwatch and measure the time from when the passer releases the ball to when his shot hits the goal."
After removing his distinctive name from last year's NBA draft -- he would have been a second-round pick at best -- Pittsnogle has shed 27 pounds since October and now weighs a svelte 248. His draft stock has risen as his weight has dropped, with one NBA Western Conference scout projecting him as a late first-round or early second-round pick. "He shoots like a 6-footer," says the scout. "He'll never be an explosive inside player, but that's O.K. because he's so highly skilled at what he does."
And to think that back at Martinsburg (W.Va.) High, Pittsnogle got teased so much that he asked his mother if he could use her maiden name (Shepherd). "Now I say, 'See what Pittsnogle got you!'" roars Tammy, who wears a MOMMA PITT jersey to games and is so loud that she was once reproached by a Big East referee.
As the team's only West Virginia native on scholarship, Pittsnogle has spawned a cottage industry cashing in on his appeal. The phrase You've Been Pittsnogled! has appeared on T-shirts, socks and underwear, and no jersey has been more popular at the Mountaineers team store than his number 34 (which was sold out again last week). "It's even outsold the Jerry West jersey," says shop manager Chuck Phares, referring to the school's greatest player. "People ask, 'Do you have any fake Kevin Pittsnogle tattoos?'"
Pittsnogle's appeal is rooted in his hardscrabble mining-country background. He grew up in a trailer park, where the gravel basketball court forced him to abandon dribbling in favor of shooting all the time. His mom, Tammy, dropped out of high school and married his father, Kevin Sr., when she was 18. And Junior (as Kevin's mother calls him) can be a one-man Dukes of Hazzard episode -- he's had his license suspended twice for speeding in his 1995 light-blue Oldsmobile Aurora with 20-inch rims.
But, as is usually the case, this story doesn't fit all the stereotypes. The Pheasant Ridge Trailer Park? "It wasn't high class, but it was nice," says Pittsnogle, who moved with his family into a three-bedroom house at age 10. His dropout parents? Tammy got her GED and works as a home-care coordinator at a senior center, while Kevin Sr. is a supervising mechanic at a waste-management company where he's been employed for the past 26 years. "They've worked so hard," says their only son. "I always looked to my dad and said, If he can do that, I should be able to run down the court hard every time."
Those aren't the only surprising facts about Pittsnogle. He graduated in December -- a semester ahead of schedule, thanks to summer school -- becoming the first member of his family to earn a four-year degree. (He had a 3.1 GPA with a major in athletic-coaching education and a minor in history and has entered the master's program in athletic coaching education this semester.) He's also a fantastic bowler who once rolled a 296. After he's done with basketball, he wants to become a history teacher and satisfy his longtime curiosity about the Holocaust by visiting Auschwitz. "I've been to the Holocaust Museum in D.C.," he says, "and I figure it would be powerful to see [Auschwitz] too."
As for his driving, well, consider him guilty as charged. Pittsnogle's older sister, Erika Blaylock, remembers the time in high school when Kevin, then 15, jumped into the driver's seat of her future husband's car. "Kevin floored it in reverse and backed straight into our mom's van!" Blaylock says. "He jumped out of the car and said, 'Man, when I screw up, I really screw up.'" Then there was the time last summer when teammates Mike Gansey and Patrick Beilein took Pittsnogle to play golf for the first time. "My ball was on the green, so I drove my cart right up next to it," says Pittsnogle. "Everyone starts yelling, 'You can't do that!'" Pittsnogle shrugged, sank his putt and only then moved his cart.
While Pittsnogle is proud of his West Virginia heritage, he has a delightful sense of humor about his homespun tastes. Take his October 2004 wedding, which was held in the Martinsburg High auditorium. "You know how some receptions have fancy hors d'oeuvres?" says Pittsnogle. "Well, we had corn dogs and pizza. We wanted stuff that people would really eat. Then we had some dancing and karaoke. It was a lot of fun."
Not every day has been corn dogs and pizzas, however. A month before their wedding, Heather had a miscarriage. "The doctors tell you not to worry about it, that women have them all the time, but I took it hard," she says. "Kevin did what he could trying to make me feel better." Soon afterward, he got a tattoo on his right calf honoring their lost child. "It was real hard to deal with, but Coach Beilein was like a father figure for us," says Kevin. "Now he wants to know every day what's going on with Heather's pregnancy. He seems as excited as we are."
The team has already secured NCAA approval to fly Kevin back from a road trip if he's away when Heather goes into labor, which could happen any time now: She started having contractions in early January.
Instead of handing out cigars, Kevin plans on celebrating at the Thinkin' Ink. For one day, at least, the Mistress of Pain will be the Mistress of Joy too.
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