"Look at me" - Chase
"A buccaneer is a pretty expensive price for corn." - Paul
"I can make it look like an accident." - Mrs. Poop
If JHughes can call the San Diego football team the Whale Vagina Chargers then I can call the Tampa Bay team the Tampa Bay Expensive Corn Prices.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Bring Back Greenies
Carlos Beltran made his season debut for the Mets last night. He singled in the 4th inning and was immediately caught stealing.
"I was trying to pick up the catcher's sign," Beltran said. "I saw two fingers and I just felt that I was going to be able to make it. I guess when you drink too many coffees and too much sugar before the game, it makes you do crazy things."
"I was trying to pick up the catcher's sign," Beltran said. "I saw two fingers and I just felt that I was going to be able to make it. I guess when you drink too many coffees and too much sugar before the game, it makes you do crazy things."
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Mrs. Poop Witnessed This
I haven't gotten the full story from Mrs. Poop about what she saw and when, but she was on the beach when this lady got pulled out by a strong current. The lifeguards eventually pulled her out of the water and performed chest compressions on her on the beach until the ambulance arrived.
Friends of Anne McNaughton Farley weren't surprised that she risked her life to save someone from drowning.
They were devastated, however, that such a kind, creative and upbeat woman died as a result.
"What she did was so much in character with who she was," said Beth Murphy of Scarborough, a longtime friend who is a library researcher for The Portland Press Herald/Maine Sunday Telegram, where Farley was a library assistant from 1980 to 1995.
"She was one of those people who, if you needed help, you could call her and she would always be there for you," Murphy said. "It just doesn't seem possible that she's gone."
Farley, 57, died Wednesday morning after saving her granddaughter from a strong current off Old Orchard Beach on Tuesday afternoon, said Deputy Police Chief Keith Babin.
She was pulled from the ocean near the border of Old Orchard Beach and Saco around 2:30 p.m. Tuesday, along with several others who had been caught in the current from the outflow of Goosefare Brook, Babin said.
Witnesses told police that Farley jumped in after her granddaughter fell into the water, Babin said. Farley got her granddaughter out of the water but was unable to escape the current herself.
She was unconscious when lifeguards pulled her from the water, so they began CPR on the shore, Babin said. She was taken by ambulance to Southern Maine Medical Center in Biddeford, then transferred to Maine Medical Center in Portland, where she died early Wednesday.
All of the other swimmers caught in the current were unharmed, including Farley's granddaughter, Babin said.
Her friends described Farley as a dedicated educator, a loving family member and a self-effacing storyteller who maintained a young person's love of life.
"She never became cynical or jaded, as so many of us do when we reach middle age," said Jon Halvorsen of South Portland, a former Telegram editor who knew Farley for 30 years. "She never spoke harshly about anyone. If you were in her company, you felt her warmth, her complete attention to you in conversation. You felt good just being around her."
Farley grew up in Portland, the daughter of Donald and Evangeline McNaughton. She graduated from Deering High School and received a bachelor's degree in elementary education from the University of Southern Maine.
Married in 1996, she and her husband, John, had no children together, but she was close to his two children from a previous marriage and his five grandchildren.
"She loved his children and grandchildren like they were her own," said Susan Butler of Scarborough, a former library researcher at the Press Herald who last saw Farley on Monday, when she attended Butler's birthday party.
After leaving the Press Herald, Farley worked at Scarborough High School, then decided she wanted to be a school librarian, Butler said. She went back to school and earned a master's degree in library science.
She relished her job at Bonny Eagle Middle School, where she led fundraising efforts to help victims of Hurricane Katrina and this year's earthquake in Haiti. She got to know individual students' interests so she could recommend books they'd want to read, Murphy said.
She also researched and decorated the library with authentic tartan plaid banners representing the 18 Scottish "clans" that divide the middle school into learning groups.
"Anne was a wonderful addition to our staff and will be sadly missed by everyone who knew and worked with her," Suzanne Lukas, superintendent of the Bonny Eagle School District, wrote in an e-mail to staff members Wednesday.
Farley's creativity extended to her gift for writing and telling stories. She occasionally wrote Maine Observer guest columns for the Maine Sunday Telegram. Her latest, about the beauty of the four seasons in Maine, ran June 27.
In it, she remembered childhood trips to Old Orchard Beach:
"A trip to Old Orchard Beach was also a special treat," she wrote. "Noah's Ark, the merry-go-round and little boats that went round and round in the water were my favorites."
When she worked at the Press Herald, her co-workers looked forward to her Monday morning tales about her weekend adventures.
Murphy remembered one story that Farley told, after she attended a wedding reception. A person at the reception asked her to mind a guide dog for a moment, but the dog got away from her.
Farley described how she followed the dog across the reception hall, calling "Champagne! Champagne!," which was the dog's name, only to draw the attention of curious waiters and people who thought she was offering them a drink.
"She seemed to be a magnet for situations like that," Murphy said. "She was able to tell those stories and laugh at herself."
Farley had varied interests and gathered friends from every facet of her life. She traveled widely, played golf every Monday, sang in the Portland Community Chorus and the folk group at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Portland, tended a beautiful flower garden and was active in Democratic politics.
"She kept all her friends throughout her life," said Carole Madsen Smith of Portland, a friend since junior high school. "She sent out a million Christmas cards every year and always remembered your birthday. She had an incredible sense of loyalty."
Friends of Anne McNaughton Farley weren't surprised that she risked her life to save someone from drowning.
They were devastated, however, that such a kind, creative and upbeat woman died as a result.
"What she did was so much in character with who she was," said Beth Murphy of Scarborough, a longtime friend who is a library researcher for The Portland Press Herald/Maine Sunday Telegram, where Farley was a library assistant from 1980 to 1995.
"She was one of those people who, if you needed help, you could call her and she would always be there for you," Murphy said. "It just doesn't seem possible that she's gone."
Farley, 57, died Wednesday morning after saving her granddaughter from a strong current off Old Orchard Beach on Tuesday afternoon, said Deputy Police Chief Keith Babin.
She was pulled from the ocean near the border of Old Orchard Beach and Saco around 2:30 p.m. Tuesday, along with several others who had been caught in the current from the outflow of Goosefare Brook, Babin said.
Witnesses told police that Farley jumped in after her granddaughter fell into the water, Babin said. Farley got her granddaughter out of the water but was unable to escape the current herself.
She was unconscious when lifeguards pulled her from the water, so they began CPR on the shore, Babin said. She was taken by ambulance to Southern Maine Medical Center in Biddeford, then transferred to Maine Medical Center in Portland, where she died early Wednesday.
All of the other swimmers caught in the current were unharmed, including Farley's granddaughter, Babin said.
Her friends described Farley as a dedicated educator, a loving family member and a self-effacing storyteller who maintained a young person's love of life.
"She never became cynical or jaded, as so many of us do when we reach middle age," said Jon Halvorsen of South Portland, a former Telegram editor who knew Farley for 30 years. "She never spoke harshly about anyone. If you were in her company, you felt her warmth, her complete attention to you in conversation. You felt good just being around her."
Farley grew up in Portland, the daughter of Donald and Evangeline McNaughton. She graduated from Deering High School and received a bachelor's degree in elementary education from the University of Southern Maine.
Married in 1996, she and her husband, John, had no children together, but she was close to his two children from a previous marriage and his five grandchildren.
"She loved his children and grandchildren like they were her own," said Susan Butler of Scarborough, a former library researcher at the Press Herald who last saw Farley on Monday, when she attended Butler's birthday party.
After leaving the Press Herald, Farley worked at Scarborough High School, then decided she wanted to be a school librarian, Butler said. She went back to school and earned a master's degree in library science.
She relished her job at Bonny Eagle Middle School, where she led fundraising efforts to help victims of Hurricane Katrina and this year's earthquake in Haiti. She got to know individual students' interests so she could recommend books they'd want to read, Murphy said.
She also researched and decorated the library with authentic tartan plaid banners representing the 18 Scottish "clans" that divide the middle school into learning groups.
"Anne was a wonderful addition to our staff and will be sadly missed by everyone who knew and worked with her," Suzanne Lukas, superintendent of the Bonny Eagle School District, wrote in an e-mail to staff members Wednesday.
Farley's creativity extended to her gift for writing and telling stories. She occasionally wrote Maine Observer guest columns for the Maine Sunday Telegram. Her latest, about the beauty of the four seasons in Maine, ran June 27.
In it, she remembered childhood trips to Old Orchard Beach:
"A trip to Old Orchard Beach was also a special treat," she wrote. "Noah's Ark, the merry-go-round and little boats that went round and round in the water were my favorites."
When she worked at the Press Herald, her co-workers looked forward to her Monday morning tales about her weekend adventures.
Murphy remembered one story that Farley told, after she attended a wedding reception. A person at the reception asked her to mind a guide dog for a moment, but the dog got away from her.
Farley described how she followed the dog across the reception hall, calling "Champagne! Champagne!," which was the dog's name, only to draw the attention of curious waiters and people who thought she was offering them a drink.
"She seemed to be a magnet for situations like that," Murphy said. "She was able to tell those stories and laugh at herself."
Farley had varied interests and gathered friends from every facet of her life. She traveled widely, played golf every Monday, sang in the Portland Community Chorus and the folk group at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Portland, tended a beautiful flower garden and was active in Democratic politics.
"She kept all her friends throughout her life," said Carole Madsen Smith of Portland, a friend since junior high school. "She sent out a million Christmas cards every year and always remembered your birthday. She had an incredible sense of loyalty."
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Song of the Week
"Goin Crazy" - Natalie
This chick is hot, a former Houston Rockets dancer, not sure why she never had a more successful career. Maybe because she just went by Natalie. In this day and age when people have to search artists by name in iTunes and on Google using just a single somewhat common name makes it hard to find. I blame this for the demise of one of my favorite R&B artists, Joe.
This chick is hot, a former Houston Rockets dancer, not sure why she never had a more successful career. Maybe because she just went by Natalie. In this day and age when people have to search artists by name in iTunes and on Google using just a single somewhat common name makes it hard to find. I blame this for the demise of one of my favorite R&B artists, Joe.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I Have an Eye for Talent (and Cell Phones)
When I first spotted Larissa Riquelme, and her cell phone, in the stands during a World Cup game I had no idea she would become an international sensation. I didn't even know her name.
But after being featured on the Poop Riquelme, a lingerie model in her native Paraguay said she would run through the streets in body -- JUST body paint -- if Paraguay won the World Cup.
They didn't but she is going to anyway.
“It will be a present to all of the players, and for all the people in Paraguay to enjoy, because they tried as hard as possible and gave it their all on the field.”
But after being featured on the Poop Riquelme, a lingerie model in her native Paraguay said she would run through the streets in body -- JUST body paint -- if Paraguay won the World Cup.
They didn't but she is going to anyway.
“It will be a present to all of the players, and for all the people in Paraguay to enjoy, because they tried as hard as possible and gave it their all on the field.”
What Do You Give Me For? Peter Krause and Alexi Lalas
Almost everyone watching World Cup coverage in America recognized the striking resemblance between the clean-cut Alexi Lalas and actor Peter Krause (Six Feet Under, Dirty Sexy Money, Parenthood)
Monday, July 12, 2010
I Should Have Known He Had a Hot Girlfriend
As if we didn't already like Norwegian Olympic skier Petter Northug enough we now find out two more pieces of information that increase our love for the man.
First of all, he likes poker. He is playing the Main Event of the World Series of Poker and has made it through to Day 3.
Second, not that we should be surprised, he has a hot girlfriend.
Rachel Nordtomme was spotted on the rail in the Rio rooting her man on during the WSOP.
First of all, he likes poker. He is playing the Main Event of the World Series of Poker and has made it through to Day 3.
Second, not that we should be surprised, he has a hot girlfriend.
Rachel Nordtomme was spotted on the rail in the Rio rooting her man on during the WSOP.
Friday, July 09, 2010
My Six Point Analysis of the LeBron James Incident
1. LeBron really did sully his reputation with this entire episode. I thought it was mostly cranky old white people who were hating on LeBron and calling him an egotist. But it turns out the sentiment against him is nearly universal. It runs the gamut from hating him and refusing to watch the NBA ever again to people like me who are marginally disappointed with the way he handled this thing. But I do think it is worth nothing that what LeBron did was better than a press conference to apologize for sleeping with 15 women, or explaining how that handgun got in your carry-on bag, or to refute rape charges. This was mostly a positive think but I think a lot of the negative reaction has to do with the way the special was handled.
2. The special was an outright disaster. First of all, he said he told only a handful of people. Maybe true, but they told a handful of people and they told a handful of people and so on and by the time he made the announcement everyone knew his decision. I think that was the first embarrassment. The second embarrassment was 15 minutes of Stuart Scott and his merry men (I love Wilbon don’t get me wrong) saying the same things we’d all been saying for months. And then a 15-minute interview of softball questions from Jim Gray. And why say the announcement would come in the first 15 minutes if that’s not what they planned to do? They should have produced some package of LeBron from the summer getting on and off planes (someone must have been shooting this stuff), showed him interacting with the kids at the Boys and Girls Club (wasn’t that the entire reason behind this?) then have him make the announcement, then take questions from the audience/twitter. Sure the ratings would have plummeted in the second half hour but that’s better than ruining your reputation.
3. Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert may have also done some damage to his reputation. He wrote a letter ripping LeBron (and used a weird font to do it). He told Cavaliers fans they had been betrayed, called this a cowardly act and then in an AP interview ratcheted up the rhetoric even more saying LeBron quit on the team. I think he was just trying to act like a fan, to show he’s one of them, as he clearly runs the risk of losing his fan base this morning. The fact that he said he guarantees Cleveland will win an NBA title before the Heat is a perfect example of his attempt at a diehard fan’s eternal optimism. This morning Cleveland fans are devastated and setting fire to LeBron jerseys in the street. If Gilbert issued a statement saying something like “We thank LeBron for his years of service and wish him well in his new city” the fans would have been furious, thinking their owner doesn’t care as much as they do. I can see why some say it’s beneath a man of his stature to act like a common fan, but I also think LeBron probably owed him the courtesy of a phone call.
4. From a basketball perspective I think LeBron made a big mistake. He obviously realizes the only way to achieve basketball immortality is to win titles. And he’s willing to take less money and sublimate his ego (contrary to what he evinced with the Special) to accomplish that goal. But I think Chicago especially and possibly even the Knicks and Nets set themselves up to be long-term contenders if they could have added LeBron. Then he could have won titles (or at least competed for them) and had them be his own. It sort of seems like he is taking the easy way out by teaming up with Bosh and Wade. Sort of like when Gary Payton and Karl Malone joined the Lakers. Also, I have significant doubt that this will work out the way they all hope. It might be very hard for these three players to happily share the ball. And if they are not winning 60 games a year the talk with start and the fingers will point and this holy alliance could go south in a hurry. The key test will come late in games when you need one guy to take over. Wade has shown himself to be better in those situations so what if LeBron misses a couple of game-winners and Wade makes some? What if Wade ends up being Finals MVP the first time they win? Is that the type of title Lebron is pursuing with this decision?
5. I’m still not decided on what this means for the greater NBA. Over time history has shown that people like dynasties, so if the Heat become one I could see that being a positive for the league. I also don’t think it will be that easy for the Heat to become a dynasty. And even if they do, they will be like the Yankees, a lot of people will hate them. But there are a lot of teams that really have no chance before the season starts, and as Major League Baseball can tell you, the key to a successful league is competitive balance, and the illusion every team has a chance at the title.
6. As for the Knicks, they are royally screwed. Amare and only Amare with the rest of this roster (including the players acquired from Golden State for David Lee) is good enough to win about 25 – 30 games. Now Donnie Walsh has the choice: he can sign Mike Miller (ok, he signed with Miami, but you get the point) and Luke Ridnour or wait til next offseason and make a run at Melo, Chris Paul or Tony Parker. I think the latter is better because in the former you acquire players who really aren’t that great, for expensive long-term contracts, and that is not the model for success in the NBA. Getting LeBron was Plan A. It took a long time to formulate, and it failed. Plan B is to be bad for a really long time, but actually keep your draft picks. That may take even longer but it is probably the Knicks only chance to become a legitimate title contender capable of competing with Miami’s new juggernaut.
2. The special was an outright disaster. First of all, he said he told only a handful of people. Maybe true, but they told a handful of people and they told a handful of people and so on and by the time he made the announcement everyone knew his decision. I think that was the first embarrassment. The second embarrassment was 15 minutes of Stuart Scott and his merry men (I love Wilbon don’t get me wrong) saying the same things we’d all been saying for months. And then a 15-minute interview of softball questions from Jim Gray. And why say the announcement would come in the first 15 minutes if that’s not what they planned to do? They should have produced some package of LeBron from the summer getting on and off planes (someone must have been shooting this stuff), showed him interacting with the kids at the Boys and Girls Club (wasn’t that the entire reason behind this?) then have him make the announcement, then take questions from the audience/twitter. Sure the ratings would have plummeted in the second half hour but that’s better than ruining your reputation.
3. Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert may have also done some damage to his reputation. He wrote a letter ripping LeBron (and used a weird font to do it). He told Cavaliers fans they had been betrayed, called this a cowardly act and then in an AP interview ratcheted up the rhetoric even more saying LeBron quit on the team. I think he was just trying to act like a fan, to show he’s one of them, as he clearly runs the risk of losing his fan base this morning. The fact that he said he guarantees Cleveland will win an NBA title before the Heat is a perfect example of his attempt at a diehard fan’s eternal optimism. This morning Cleveland fans are devastated and setting fire to LeBron jerseys in the street. If Gilbert issued a statement saying something like “We thank LeBron for his years of service and wish him well in his new city” the fans would have been furious, thinking their owner doesn’t care as much as they do. I can see why some say it’s beneath a man of his stature to act like a common fan, but I also think LeBron probably owed him the courtesy of a phone call.
4. From a basketball perspective I think LeBron made a big mistake. He obviously realizes the only way to achieve basketball immortality is to win titles. And he’s willing to take less money and sublimate his ego (contrary to what he evinced with the Special) to accomplish that goal. But I think Chicago especially and possibly even the Knicks and Nets set themselves up to be long-term contenders if they could have added LeBron. Then he could have won titles (or at least competed for them) and had them be his own. It sort of seems like he is taking the easy way out by teaming up with Bosh and Wade. Sort of like when Gary Payton and Karl Malone joined the Lakers. Also, I have significant doubt that this will work out the way they all hope. It might be very hard for these three players to happily share the ball. And if they are not winning 60 games a year the talk with start and the fingers will point and this holy alliance could go south in a hurry. The key test will come late in games when you need one guy to take over. Wade has shown himself to be better in those situations so what if LeBron misses a couple of game-winners and Wade makes some? What if Wade ends up being Finals MVP the first time they win? Is that the type of title Lebron is pursuing with this decision?
5. I’m still not decided on what this means for the greater NBA. Over time history has shown that people like dynasties, so if the Heat become one I could see that being a positive for the league. I also don’t think it will be that easy for the Heat to become a dynasty. And even if they do, they will be like the Yankees, a lot of people will hate them. But there are a lot of teams that really have no chance before the season starts, and as Major League Baseball can tell you, the key to a successful league is competitive balance, and the illusion every team has a chance at the title.
6. As for the Knicks, they are royally screwed. Amare and only Amare with the rest of this roster (including the players acquired from Golden State for David Lee) is good enough to win about 25 – 30 games. Now Donnie Walsh has the choice: he can sign Mike Miller (ok, he signed with Miami, but you get the point) and Luke Ridnour or wait til next offseason and make a run at Melo, Chris Paul or Tony Parker. I think the latter is better because in the former you acquire players who really aren’t that great, for expensive long-term contracts, and that is not the model for success in the NBA. Getting LeBron was Plan A. It took a long time to formulate, and it failed. Plan B is to be bad for a really long time, but actually keep your draft picks. That may take even longer but it is probably the Knicks only chance to become a legitimate title contender capable of competing with Miami’s new juggernaut.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
I Hope Carlos Beltran Was Listening
During the Netherlands-Paraguay match the announcer recounted the recent struggles of Robin Van Persie
"Van Persie is just getting his match sharpness back bit by bit. He missed most of the season for Arsenal with a ruptured ankle ligament which required treatment from a lady who specializes in rubbing horse placenta on the injury in Belgrade. I don't think it shortened the recovery period for Van Persie."
"Van Persie is just getting his match sharpness back bit by bit. He missed most of the season for Arsenal with a ruptured ankle ligament which required treatment from a lady who specializes in rubbing horse placenta on the injury in Belgrade. I don't think it shortened the recovery period for Van Persie."
That's Amar'e
The Knicks made the first splash in the historic free agency season of 2010.
The Knicks signed Amare Stoudemire for 5 years and $99.7m. They are obviously hoping the presence of Amare will address their biggest weakness when it comes to recruiting free agents: they have no team. Most other free agent suitors (Bulls, Nets, even Clippers) can boast a few NBA ready players on the roster, the Knicks have no such talent, so perhaps they are trying to use him as bait.
I still think it’s a long-shot to get LeBron , there’s no chance at Wade, Bosh would be redundant, and so would David Lee, so it looks like we’ll have Stoudemire and no one else, at least for now.
And I think at this point maybe they are best off suffering through one more bad season and trying again in free agency next year. Maybe at some point during the season they could trade for Chris Paul if New Orleans becomes convinced they can’t resign him.
Paul and Amare would be a good start to a team, but if D’Antoni couldn’t win with Stoudemire and Nash, what makes you think he can win with Paul and Stoudemire, or Stoudemire and anyone not named LeBron?
I think the Stoudemire signing is a good first step, but I still don’t see them signing LeBron, in which case I still don’t see a positive long-term prognosis for the team.
The Knicks signed Amare Stoudemire for 5 years and $99.7m. They are obviously hoping the presence of Amare will address their biggest weakness when it comes to recruiting free agents: they have no team. Most other free agent suitors (Bulls, Nets, even Clippers) can boast a few NBA ready players on the roster, the Knicks have no such talent, so perhaps they are trying to use him as bait.
I still think it’s a long-shot to get LeBron , there’s no chance at Wade, Bosh would be redundant, and so would David Lee, so it looks like we’ll have Stoudemire and no one else, at least for now.
And I think at this point maybe they are best off suffering through one more bad season and trying again in free agency next year. Maybe at some point during the season they could trade for Chris Paul if New Orleans becomes convinced they can’t resign him.
Paul and Amare would be a good start to a team, but if D’Antoni couldn’t win with Stoudemire and Nash, what makes you think he can win with Paul and Stoudemire, or Stoudemire and anyone not named LeBron?
I think the Stoudemire signing is a good first step, but I still don’t see them signing LeBron, in which case I still don’t see a positive long-term prognosis for the team.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Where Were You on Christmas?
During her incredibly boring confirmation hearing Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan spiced up the proceedings with some good ethnic humor.
In reference to the underpants bomber Sen. Lindsey Graham asked her where she was on Christmas.
"Like all Jews, I was probably at a Chinese restaurant"
I just wish they hadn't dragged Chuck Schumer into this. I didn't really want the world to know he's one of us.
In reference to the underpants bomber Sen. Lindsey Graham asked her where she was on Christmas.
"Like all Jews, I was probably at a Chinese restaurant"
I just wish they hadn't dragged Chuck Schumer into this. I didn't really want the world to know he's one of us.
The Mets' Very Own Roethlisberger
An unfortunate externality of being a sports fan these days is that it’s becoming increasingly necessary to be able to determine whom to believe in a sexual assault case.
The latest unseemly incident involves Johan Santana.
In late October 2009, Johan met a woman who lived near him in the same community. They talked, texted, played tennis and on October 26th they went for a walk. The next night Johan was at the tennis court with his father and uncle. His new lady friend showed up and they went for another walk on the golf course.
This time they stopped on a secluded part of the course near the trees where they could be mostly hidden from view. He grabbed her, put his hand up her shirt, took off her bra and according to her pulled her skirt and panties down as well.
While standing up he penetrated her as she claims she was yelling “please no, not here, not like this.”
Note: this statement leads me to believe that she was willing to have sex with him, she just didn’t want to do it standing up on a golf course like a whore. I had a similar thought about the young girl with Roethlisberger. She was willing to fuck him but not in a bar bathroom.”
While standing up, lifting her leg with his arm and holding her hair with his other hand Johan fucked her for a few minutes until he warned her that he was going to cum. He pulled out and shot it on her leg. She used her underwear to clean up and stuffed the dirty drawers in her bra.
Here’s where the story gets a little hard to believe. She walked with him back to the tennis courts then sat there watching him play tennis with his father. Maybe she was scared or intimidated (not sure if she is married) but it seems unusual for the victim of a crime to remain with the assailant when given an opportunity to get away.
She did go to the police days later which means Johan was compelled to give his side of the story. His is remarkably similar except he says she initiated the sex and even masturbated during it (the old porn star rub?)
Police deemed this a classic he said she said with no way to prove assault.
That sounds familiar and will probably become even more common as slutty girls give athletes almost everything they want and athletes think they can take the rest.
The latest unseemly incident involves Johan Santana.
In late October 2009, Johan met a woman who lived near him in the same community. They talked, texted, played tennis and on October 26th they went for a walk. The next night Johan was at the tennis court with his father and uncle. His new lady friend showed up and they went for another walk on the golf course.
This time they stopped on a secluded part of the course near the trees where they could be mostly hidden from view. He grabbed her, put his hand up her shirt, took off her bra and according to her pulled her skirt and panties down as well.
While standing up he penetrated her as she claims she was yelling “please no, not here, not like this.”
Note: this statement leads me to believe that she was willing to have sex with him, she just didn’t want to do it standing up on a golf course like a whore. I had a similar thought about the young girl with Roethlisberger. She was willing to fuck him but not in a bar bathroom.”
While standing up, lifting her leg with his arm and holding her hair with his other hand Johan fucked her for a few minutes until he warned her that he was going to cum. He pulled out and shot it on her leg. She used her underwear to clean up and stuffed the dirty drawers in her bra.
Here’s where the story gets a little hard to believe. She walked with him back to the tennis courts then sat there watching him play tennis with his father. Maybe she was scared or intimidated (not sure if she is married) but it seems unusual for the victim of a crime to remain with the assailant when given an opportunity to get away.
She did go to the police days later which means Johan was compelled to give his side of the story. His is remarkably similar except he says she initiated the sex and even masturbated during it (the old porn star rub?)
Police deemed this a classic he said she said with no way to prove assault.
That sounds familiar and will probably become even more common as slutty girls give athletes almost everything they want and athletes think they can take the rest.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Song of the Week
"Your Love" - Nicki Minaj
Best use of an Annie Lenox sample I've ever heard
Nicki Minaj supposedly was sent here to save rap music. She did beat out Justin Bieber for Best New Artist at the BET Awards
Best use of an Annie Lenox sample I've ever heard
Nicki Minaj supposedly was sent here to save rap music. She did beat out Justin Bieber for Best New Artist at the BET Awards
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
U.R.A. Dickey
Last night's subpar performance against the Marlins may be the beginning of the end for knuckleballer R.A. Dickey.
Through 7 starts Dickey was unbelievable, going 6-0 with a 2.33 ERA. But there's a reason Dickey is a journeyman. Unless he really did figure out his knuckleball and can turn into a Tim Wakefield-type (overall reliable with bad starts sprinkled in), I expect him to regress to his prior level of performance.
His out-of-nowhere mastery reminded me of 2007, when Jorge Sosa (admittedly different because he's not a knuckleballer) went 6-1 with a 2.62 ERA in his first 7 starts for the Mets. Sosa went 1-5 with a 7.00 ERA in his next 7 starts and was demoted to the bullpen.
I fear a similar fate may await Dickey.
Through 7 starts Dickey was unbelievable, going 6-0 with a 2.33 ERA. But there's a reason Dickey is a journeyman. Unless he really did figure out his knuckleball and can turn into a Tim Wakefield-type (overall reliable with bad starts sprinkled in), I expect him to regress to his prior level of performance.
His out-of-nowhere mastery reminded me of 2007, when Jorge Sosa (admittedly different because he's not a knuckleballer) went 6-1 with a 2.62 ERA in his first 7 starts for the Mets. Sosa went 1-5 with a 7.00 ERA in his next 7 starts and was demoted to the bullpen.
I fear a similar fate may await Dickey.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Summer of Knicks Fans' Discontent
Have you ever been looking forward to something? A trip, an event or a present? And when it finally comes, it doesn’t quite materialize the way you hoped. I fear that scenario will play out for Knicks fans this summer. After years of preparing the team, and suffering through losing seasons, the Knicks were poised to cash in on a bumper crop of free agents. Unfortunately I think the Knicks are going to end up very disappointed.
The big prize if of course LeBron James. There aren’t enough celebrity endorsements, Ring Pops (what is the deal with Ring Pops lately?) or lap dances at Scores (though that is an awesome gambit) to get LeBron here. I think there’s at least a 90% chance he will stay in Cleveland. It just makes the most sense, they can pay him the most money, he’s tangentially from there and I think he would like to bring a title to that city. That leaves a small window for Chicago where teamed with Derrick Rose and perhaps another free agent (Chris Bosh?) the Bulls could assemble a Michael/Scottie-esque juggernaut.
Note: I don’t buy the stuff about him not wanting go to Chicago because of the unavoidable comparisons to Michael Jordan. You mean if he wins a few titles and is the best player in the game for some other team they won’t compare him to Michael Jordan? They compared Harold Miner to Jordan for heaven’s sake. He’d have to play for CSKA Moscow to avoid Jordan comparisons. And if he wins 5 titles in Chicago you think that somehow won’t be good enough because Jordan won 6? Asinine.
I’m also leaving a tiny window open for the Nets which would be a complete wild card but they do have some appeal (Jay-Z, Brooklyn) and some young talent (Harris, Lopez and now Favors).
I don’t see the Knicks getting the consolation prize either. I think Dwayne Wade will stay with the Heat, 95% sure of that. Once again small chance he goes to Chicago because he’s from there, but I expect him to stay and try to recruit someone else to come with him.
As for Chris Bosh, he could come to the Knicks, it’s possible if he wants to try to be a #1 guy and lead a team. But I think it’s more likely he’s willing to play second fiddle to LeBron, Wade or Rose (if LeBron stays).
I think the Knicks will end up with Joe Johnson and Carlos Boozer. If that’s the case I’d rather re-sign David Lee and take our chances once again next year once Eddy Curry’s money comes off the books.
If you think I’m wrong and you’re so smart won’t you join me in the ESPN.com Free Agency Predictor game. As always our group is called The Poop. You must sign up by Wednesday before midnight.
The big prize if of course LeBron James. There aren’t enough celebrity endorsements, Ring Pops (what is the deal with Ring Pops lately?) or lap dances at Scores (though that is an awesome gambit) to get LeBron here. I think there’s at least a 90% chance he will stay in Cleveland. It just makes the most sense, they can pay him the most money, he’s tangentially from there and I think he would like to bring a title to that city. That leaves a small window for Chicago where teamed with Derrick Rose and perhaps another free agent (Chris Bosh?) the Bulls could assemble a Michael/Scottie-esque juggernaut.
Note: I don’t buy the stuff about him not wanting go to Chicago because of the unavoidable comparisons to Michael Jordan. You mean if he wins a few titles and is the best player in the game for some other team they won’t compare him to Michael Jordan? They compared Harold Miner to Jordan for heaven’s sake. He’d have to play for CSKA Moscow to avoid Jordan comparisons. And if he wins 5 titles in Chicago you think that somehow won’t be good enough because Jordan won 6? Asinine.
I’m also leaving a tiny window open for the Nets which would be a complete wild card but they do have some appeal (Jay-Z, Brooklyn) and some young talent (Harris, Lopez and now Favors).
I don’t see the Knicks getting the consolation prize either. I think Dwayne Wade will stay with the Heat, 95% sure of that. Once again small chance he goes to Chicago because he’s from there, but I expect him to stay and try to recruit someone else to come with him.
As for Chris Bosh, he could come to the Knicks, it’s possible if he wants to try to be a #1 guy and lead a team. But I think it’s more likely he’s willing to play second fiddle to LeBron, Wade or Rose (if LeBron stays).
I think the Knicks will end up with Joe Johnson and Carlos Boozer. If that’s the case I’d rather re-sign David Lee and take our chances once again next year once Eddy Curry’s money comes off the books.
If you think I’m wrong and you’re so smart won’t you join me in the ESPN.com Free Agency Predictor game. As always our group is called The Poop. You must sign up by Wednesday before midnight.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Patriotism Pays
On the way out of Vegas for the Conch's bachelor party I stopped by the sportsbook to pick up some long-term wagers to make this summer's sporting events more fun. My bet-with-your-heart wager on the USA to win group C pays off to the tune of 2.5 to 1. Not bad.
Landon Donovan Wants His Hot Wife Back
Pretty much the only reason a man does anything is because he hopes it will impress a girl. A hot girl he hopes to sleep with.
Such was surely the case for Landon Donovan who is a talented soccer player but kind of dorky in appearance and especially voice.
It should come as no surprise then than as soon as Donovan buried that shot in the back of the net to beat Algeria, he began thinking of a way to use it to get his hot wife back.
It especially came as no surprise to me because I didn't even know that he had split with Bianca Kajlich, the hottie from Rules of Engagement.
As Reissberg was informing me that they split (married in 2006, split in 2009, but divorce is not official), Donovan was on TV giving an interview, skip forward to see how it ends.
"Hi Bianca"
And now there are reports that this ploy worked. Bianca was so impressed that he was thinking of her at this important moment that she wants him back.
I hope these two kids rekindle their lost love.
Such was surely the case for Landon Donovan who is a talented soccer player but kind of dorky in appearance and especially voice.
It should come as no surprise then than as soon as Donovan buried that shot in the back of the net to beat Algeria, he began thinking of a way to use it to get his hot wife back.
It especially came as no surprise to me because I didn't even know that he had split with Bianca Kajlich, the hottie from Rules of Engagement.
As Reissberg was informing me that they split (married in 2006, split in 2009, but divorce is not official), Donovan was on TV giving an interview, skip forward to see how it ends.
"Hi Bianca"
And now there are reports that this ploy worked. Bianca was so impressed that he was thinking of her at this important moment that she wants him back.
I hope these two kids rekindle their lost love.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Where Did I Leave My Phone?
A Paraguay fan nervously watches the game while everyone else watches her.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Why Adolf Hitler is a Hot Topic Today
I was more than a little distressed this morning when I saw the trending topics on yahoo.com. There in the number two spot was Adolf Hitler.
Turns out there is Hitler news. How does a guy who died 65 years ago make news?
Adolf Hitler, while in jail, asked Mercedes-Benz for a loan to buy one of their limousines until his royalties for "Mein Kampf" came through, a letter shows.
Hitler wrote the letter in 1924 while imprisoned for his role in Nazi party's failed attempt to seize power in Munich, Germany.
While in jail, Hitler wrote "Mein Kampf," his blueprint for eventually taking power in Germany. In a letter to a Munich Mercedes-Benz dealer, he requested a loan against expected royalties from the book.
"But the hardest thing for me at the moment lies in the fact that the biggest payment for my work is not expected until the middle of December," the September 1924 letter said.
"So I am compelled to ask for a loan or an advance. Naturally something in the order of several thousand marks would be a big help."
Hitler was released in December 1924. It is unknown whether the Munich dealership did any business with him.
The letter was found at a flea market and authenticated by the Bavarian State Archive in Munich.
It is expected to bring several thousand dollars when it is auctioned in July.
And isn't that the most disturbing part? Someone is going to pay thousands of dollars for this. I think the Holocaust Museum in DC should buy it then charge $5 to watch the bonfire in which they burn it.
Turns out there is Hitler news. How does a guy who died 65 years ago make news?
Adolf Hitler, while in jail, asked Mercedes-Benz for a loan to buy one of their limousines until his royalties for "Mein Kampf" came through, a letter shows.
Hitler wrote the letter in 1924 while imprisoned for his role in Nazi party's failed attempt to seize power in Munich, Germany.
While in jail, Hitler wrote "Mein Kampf," his blueprint for eventually taking power in Germany. In a letter to a Munich Mercedes-Benz dealer, he requested a loan against expected royalties from the book.
"But the hardest thing for me at the moment lies in the fact that the biggest payment for my work is not expected until the middle of December," the September 1924 letter said.
"So I am compelled to ask for a loan or an advance. Naturally something in the order of several thousand marks would be a big help."
Hitler was released in December 1924. It is unknown whether the Munich dealership did any business with him.
The letter was found at a flea market and authenticated by the Bavarian State Archive in Munich.
It is expected to bring several thousand dollars when it is auctioned in July.
And isn't that the most disturbing part? Someone is going to pay thousands of dollars for this. I think the Holocaust Museum in DC should buy it then charge $5 to watch the bonfire in which they burn it.
Sue Everybody
Lauren Rosenberg is suing Google for more than $100,000 because she was hit by a car.
What does this have to do with Google?
Rosenberg is from Los Angeles, while visiting Utah she used Google maps for walking directions. She says Google provided unsafe directions.
Google Maps led her to walk on a busy road without sidewalks that was "not reasonably safe for pedestrians."
She claims she was led onto a busy highway and hit by a car "as a direct and proximate cause of defendant Google's careless, reckless and negligent providing of unsafe directions.”
Rosenberg is seeking compensation for unspecified "severe" injuries and lost wages in addition to punitive damages.
The court papers didn't explain why Rosenberg walked along state Route 224 instead of choosing streets with sidewalks.
On its version for computers, Google Maps suggests one alternative for Rosenberg's route. It also highlights a disclaimer: "Use caution -- This route may be missing sidewalks or pedestrian paths."
The mobile version of Google Maps, however, does not come with that warning.
What does this have to do with Google?
Rosenberg is from Los Angeles, while visiting Utah she used Google maps for walking directions. She says Google provided unsafe directions.
Google Maps led her to walk on a busy road without sidewalks that was "not reasonably safe for pedestrians."
She claims she was led onto a busy highway and hit by a car "as a direct and proximate cause of defendant Google's careless, reckless and negligent providing of unsafe directions.”
Rosenberg is seeking compensation for unspecified "severe" injuries and lost wages in addition to punitive damages.
The court papers didn't explain why Rosenberg walked along state Route 224 instead of choosing streets with sidewalks.
On its version for computers, Google Maps suggests one alternative for Rosenberg's route. It also highlights a disclaimer: "Use caution -- This route may be missing sidewalks or pedestrian paths."
The mobile version of Google Maps, however, does not come with that warning.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
What's the Capital of Thailand?
A new form of bullying is sweeping playgrounds across this great nation: sack-tapping.
That’s right, kids are hitting each other in the plums and calling it a game.
14-year-old David Gibbons of Crosby, Minn., had to have his right testicle amputated from being sack tapped in the hallway between classes.
The main reason this game continues, what teen boy wants to fess up to being a victim of a prank involving their genitals?
Once a few aggressive or deviant individuals start engaging in a practice like sack tapping, it can quickly come to seem normal, drawing in other boys who want to feel like part of the majority.
That’s right, kids are hitting each other in the plums and calling it a game.
14-year-old David Gibbons of Crosby, Minn., had to have his right testicle amputated from being sack tapped in the hallway between classes.
The main reason this game continues, what teen boy wants to fess up to being a victim of a prank involving their genitals?
Once a few aggressive or deviant individuals start engaging in a practice like sack tapping, it can quickly come to seem normal, drawing in other boys who want to feel like part of the majority.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Shit My Dad Says
A few months ago the Concierge directed me to a somewhat entertaining Twitter user, @shitmydadsays.
The premise: a guy’s dad says funny things.
I looked at it, laughed and never thought about it again because I didn’t think there was a legitimate father behind these remarks.
But shit my dad says has now become an phenomenon. It’s a best-selling book, and come this fall it will be a sitcom on CBS with William Shatner playing my dad.
And even though it will be spelled “$#*! My Dad Says” and pronounced “(bleep) my dad says” the Parents Television Council is threatening to challenge the broadcast licenses of CBS affiliates over the name.
Tim Winter, president of the Los Angeles-based organization, said he was aware that CBS was developing a series based on the Twitter sensation, but "we couldn't imagine that a network would actually name a program either with an expletive or with the expletive ostensibly bleeped out.
He said he was concerned about parents confronted by promotions for the series when they are watching television with their children.
"It will in no way be indecent and will adhere to all CBS standards," spokesman Phil Gonzales said. "Parents who choose to do so will find the show can easily be blocked using their V Chip."
My dad even responded to the controversy in a tweet:
The premise: a guy’s dad says funny things.
I looked at it, laughed and never thought about it again because I didn’t think there was a legitimate father behind these remarks.
But shit my dad says has now become an phenomenon. It’s a best-selling book, and come this fall it will be a sitcom on CBS with William Shatner playing my dad.
And even though it will be spelled “$#*! My Dad Says” and pronounced “(bleep) my dad says” the Parents Television Council is threatening to challenge the broadcast licenses of CBS affiliates over the name.
Tim Winter, president of the Los Angeles-based organization, said he was aware that CBS was developing a series based on the Twitter sensation, but "we couldn't imagine that a network would actually name a program either with an expletive or with the expletive ostensibly bleeped out.
He said he was concerned about parents confronted by promotions for the series when they are watching television with their children.
"It will in no way be indecent and will adhere to all CBS standards," spokesman Phil Gonzales said. "Parents who choose to do so will find the show can easily be blocked using their V Chip."
My dad even responded to the controversy in a tweet:
Friday, June 18, 2010
I Am a Fashion Trendsetter
For years I have pioneered the socks and sandals trend thanks to my unusually sweaty feet. Now the fashion glitterati are catching on. Celebrities have been seen donning the fashionable, yet sensible look and models even rock the socks at runway shows.
The New York Post had two of its fashion editors go toe-to-toe on the issue.
The New York Post had two of its fashion editors go toe-to-toe on the issue.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Graveyards Are Where Dead People Live
Coca-Cola is introducing a new high-tech soda fountain that will let users mix up 104 different drinks, creating inventions such as Caffeine-Free Diet Raspberry Coke.
Coke's new Freestyle machine is housed in a curved metal shell created by the designers of Ferrari race cars, and features a touch-screen menu. Inside, technology common in measuring tiny doses of chemotherapy drugs is used to release digitally-controlled amounts of concentrate flavor from dozens of plastic cartridges.
Here's how it works: A regular soda fountain combines carbonated water and flavored syrup in a mixing chamber, and pours the mixed drink out through a designated spigot. But the Freestyle has just one nozzle. The machine pours carbonated water through the center of the nozzle, then shoots streams of flavor into the falling water, such as lime oil and Diet Coke syrup, so that the drink is mixed in the air.
Coke has filed for 34 patents on the Freestyle (that's for you Conch), but says the most important was for its so-called Perfect Pour technology, the spout that keeps one customer's Sprite with Grape from tasting like the last person's Pibb Xtra.
But the Freestyle's complicated technology and expense — Coke charges 30% more for it than traditional fountains — have slowed its way into stores. Five years after the company began developing the Freestyle, it's still only in tests in a handful of stores.
Coke's new Freestyle machine is housed in a curved metal shell created by the designers of Ferrari race cars, and features a touch-screen menu. Inside, technology common in measuring tiny doses of chemotherapy drugs is used to release digitally-controlled amounts of concentrate flavor from dozens of plastic cartridges.
Here's how it works: A regular soda fountain combines carbonated water and flavored syrup in a mixing chamber, and pours the mixed drink out through a designated spigot. But the Freestyle has just one nozzle. The machine pours carbonated water through the center of the nozzle, then shoots streams of flavor into the falling water, such as lime oil and Diet Coke syrup, so that the drink is mixed in the air.
Coke has filed for 34 patents on the Freestyle (that's for you Conch), but says the most important was for its so-called Perfect Pour technology, the spout that keeps one customer's Sprite with Grape from tasting like the last person's Pibb Xtra.
But the Freestyle's complicated technology and expense — Coke charges 30% more for it than traditional fountains — have slowed its way into stores. Five years after the company began developing the Freestyle, it's still only in tests in a handful of stores.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Song of the Week
"California Gurls" - Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg
So many reasons to hate this song
1) It's by Katy Perry
2) It's another attempt by her to get her songs in ads by the local tourism board. She got Vegas, now California, next a horrible song about the "concrete jungle where dreams are made of." Oh wait, that horrible song is already out there.
3) Girls is spelled with an U instead of an I, further contributing to popular music's deleterious effect on grammar in our society.
4) For those of you who thought MTV doesn't show music videos anymore, on my on-screen program guide 8:00 to 8:04 last night was carved out to show this video. They show one video and it's this one? (Note: it was the premiere because I don't see the video on youtube yet.)
5) Snoop's horrible verse which includes a line stolen from Vince's Slap Chop commercial (2:30 in)
6) A crude reference to the premature evacuation. "Sun-kissed skin so hot, will melt your popsicle"
So many reasons to hate this song
1) It's by Katy Perry
2) It's another attempt by her to get her songs in ads by the local tourism board. She got Vegas, now California, next a horrible song about the "concrete jungle where dreams are made of." Oh wait, that horrible song is already out there.
3) Girls is spelled with an U instead of an I, further contributing to popular music's deleterious effect on grammar in our society.
4) For those of you who thought MTV doesn't show music videos anymore, on my on-screen program guide 8:00 to 8:04 last night was carved out to show this video. They show one video and it's this one? (Note: it was the premiere because I don't see the video on youtube yet.)
5) Snoop's horrible verse which includes a line stolen from Vince's Slap Chop commercial (2:30 in)
6) A crude reference to the premature evacuation. "Sun-kissed skin so hot, will melt your popsicle"
What Do You Give Me For? Rick Levanthal and Carl Spackler
What do you give me for Fox News Correspondent Rich Levanthal (reporting from Afghanistan) and Carl Spackler (Bill Murray in "Caddyshack")?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
No More BackYarns for Chase
Toddlers who watch too much TV may struggle in school later, with measurably lower scores in math, and they may get bullied more than other children.
And those children who watch more TV at age 2 weigh more by the time they were 10 and they eat more snacks and soft drinks.
Children who spend more time watching TV and less time playing with other kids may lose valuable chances to learn social skills.
The researchers started with more than 2,000 children taking part in a larger study. Their parents reported how much TV the children watched at 2-1/2 and later at 4-1/2 year old.
They checked with the children's teachers and doctors when the subjects were 10.
Every additional weekly hour of television at 29 months corresponded to a 7 percent drop in classroom attention and a 6 percent drop in math skills, the researchers found.
An hour more TV a week as a toddler meant a child was 10 percent more likely to be bullied, exercised 13 percent less, weighed 5 percent more and ate 10 percent more snacks, they found.
As always with these studies I think they discover a false cause-and-effect. It's not the television watching that leads to these things. Whatever is leading to the high rate of television watching is also leading to the weight gain, the bullying, etc. It's parents who aren't as invovled as they should be.
And I know how tempting it is to just plop the kid in front of the TV all day. Chase will not sit still for 10 seconds, but somehow he can watch Cars for 2 hours without moving. At least with The Backyardigans he gets up and runs around the room during "Racing Day."
And those children who watch more TV at age 2 weigh more by the time they were 10 and they eat more snacks and soft drinks.
Children who spend more time watching TV and less time playing with other kids may lose valuable chances to learn social skills.
The researchers started with more than 2,000 children taking part in a larger study. Their parents reported how much TV the children watched at 2-1/2 and later at 4-1/2 year old.
They checked with the children's teachers and doctors when the subjects were 10.
Every additional weekly hour of television at 29 months corresponded to a 7 percent drop in classroom attention and a 6 percent drop in math skills, the researchers found.
An hour more TV a week as a toddler meant a child was 10 percent more likely to be bullied, exercised 13 percent less, weighed 5 percent more and ate 10 percent more snacks, they found.
As always with these studies I think they discover a false cause-and-effect. It's not the television watching that leads to these things. Whatever is leading to the high rate of television watching is also leading to the weight gain, the bullying, etc. It's parents who aren't as invovled as they should be.
And I know how tempting it is to just plop the kid in front of the TV all day. Chase will not sit still for 10 seconds, but somehow he can watch Cars for 2 hours without moving. At least with The Backyardigans he gets up and runs around the room during "Racing Day."
Monday, June 14, 2010
What Really Happened
Here’s what really happened the night Ben Roethlisberger had his bathroom encounter with a 20-year-old college girl. Thanks to evidence released by the prosecutor we now have a better understanding. But first you have to understand the mindset of the two individuals involved.
First is a professional athlete who is rich, successful and obviously feels like he can have any woman at any time.
Then you have a 20-year-old college student, perhaps a little insecure about her weight (140 lbs) and totally starstruck by the big NFL star visiting her tiny little college town. She might also have been a little slutty, based on the nametag she was wearing when she first met Roethlisberger.
It said “DTF,” which stands for “Down to Fuck.” Roethlisberger told her “I’m into fucking girls” when he saw her name tag.
There was obviously a mutual interest because the two groups ended up at three different bars together, I think she followed him to the second one and thinking he was going to get some, he followed her friends to the third.
At the last bar, The Capital, Roethiseberger got a back VIP room and invited the girls. He bought them a bunch of shots and said “All my bitches, take some shots.”
After she was sufficiently drunk Roethlisberger’s bodyguard escorted her by the arm to a hallway and told her to sit on a stool and wait there.
When Roethlisberger approached her (with his penis already out of his pants) she bolted for the first door she saw. Unfortunately this was the bathroom. Roethisberger might have taken this as a sign she was inviting him in, and he followed her.
Here’s where the accuser’s story gets a little fuzzy, and the reason prosecutors didn’t press charges. Her story is pretty detailed up until this point when she abruptly says “and then he had sex with me.” She says he penetrated her (no condom) but she can’t recall what position they were in. Was she bent over, or forced up against the wall? And the cop didn’t ask what happened to her underwear, though I’m sure she didn’t know.
She says she told him the entire time “this isn’t ok, we can’t do this” but she never fought him off, never screamed and was so drunk and flustered she couldn’t even recount enough of the assault to convince the police to press charges.
But to me it’s clear Roethlisberger raped her, but she did so many things to put herself in a dangerous position, which allowed her rapist to get away with it.
First is a professional athlete who is rich, successful and obviously feels like he can have any woman at any time.
Then you have a 20-year-old college student, perhaps a little insecure about her weight (140 lbs) and totally starstruck by the big NFL star visiting her tiny little college town. She might also have been a little slutty, based on the nametag she was wearing when she first met Roethlisberger.
It said “DTF,” which stands for “Down to Fuck.” Roethlisberger told her “I’m into fucking girls” when he saw her name tag.
There was obviously a mutual interest because the two groups ended up at three different bars together, I think she followed him to the second one and thinking he was going to get some, he followed her friends to the third.
At the last bar, The Capital, Roethiseberger got a back VIP room and invited the girls. He bought them a bunch of shots and said “All my bitches, take some shots.”
After she was sufficiently drunk Roethlisberger’s bodyguard escorted her by the arm to a hallway and told her to sit on a stool and wait there.
When Roethlisberger approached her (with his penis already out of his pants) she bolted for the first door she saw. Unfortunately this was the bathroom. Roethisberger might have taken this as a sign she was inviting him in, and he followed her.
Here’s where the accuser’s story gets a little fuzzy, and the reason prosecutors didn’t press charges. Her story is pretty detailed up until this point when she abruptly says “and then he had sex with me.” She says he penetrated her (no condom) but she can’t recall what position they were in. Was she bent over, or forced up against the wall? And the cop didn’t ask what happened to her underwear, though I’m sure she didn’t know.
She says she told him the entire time “this isn’t ok, we can’t do this” but she never fought him off, never screamed and was so drunk and flustered she couldn’t even recount enough of the assault to convince the police to press charges.
But to me it’s clear Roethlisberger raped her, but she did so many things to put herself in a dangerous position, which allowed her rapist to get away with it.
Better Goring?
Which gore photo is better (more stomach-turning)?
Bullfighter Julio Aparicio getting gored in the mouth
Or some guy running with the bulls and getting gored in the leg?
Bullfighter Julio Aparicio getting gored in the mouth
Or some guy running with the bulls and getting gored in the leg?
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Word You Need To Know For the World Cup
This is a vuvuzela (voo-voo-zell-uh).
It's a plastic horn common in South Africa. If you want to know what one sounds like turn on any World Cup game at any time. The fans are blowing them constantly. It sounds like swarm of angry bees is coming out of your TV and into your ear.
It's a plastic horn common in South Africa. If you want to know what one sounds like turn on any World Cup game at any time. The fans are blowing them constantly. It sounds like swarm of angry bees is coming out of your TV and into your ear.
Another Angry Mets Fan
Frustrated with the lack of run support for Johan Santana Lady Gaga -- who took in the game while swilling beer and wearing a bikini -- gives the Mets offense the finger during the first game of the doubleheader against the San Diego Padres.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Deja Vu All Over Again
In honor of Mrs. Poop's birthday, I present to you Mona, a beagle mix who earlier this year was the Adoptable Pet of the Game at a minor league Northwest Arkansas Naturals game.
That reminds me of another famous poop on the field incident.
At least those dogs were housebroken. They saw an open patch of grass and did their business. This dog on Regis and Kelly with special guest Beth Ostrosky Stern sees simulated grass and watch what happens:
That reminds me of another famous poop on the field incident.
At least those dogs were housebroken. They saw an open patch of grass and did their business. This dog on Regis and Kelly with special guest Beth Ostrosky Stern sees simulated grass and watch what happens:
Joy and Wonder in the Eyes of a Small Child
A mesmerized Chase on the ferris wheel at Toys R Us in Times Square.
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
My Italian Googleganger
A couple years ago I brought a cool new word to the vernacular Googleganger. Now I have found my Italian Googleganger, just add an O to the end of my first and last name.
Of all the professions in the world, Paulo Amino has to specialize in male sexual dysfunction.
Of all the professions in the world, Paulo Amino has to specialize in male sexual dysfunction.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Embarrassing Moment For Mello Yello
Due to my new schedule and the lack of trains running at 3 in the morning I’ve begun driving into Manhattan. On the way out of town at about noon one day, a guy knocks on my window as I am waiting at the light and directs my attention to someone on the curb trying to flag me down.
I roll down my window and the guy asks “taxi?”
I say no and roll my window up when I notice the guys in the car next to me laughing hysterically.
Are all yellow cars taxis? There is no billboard or number on top of Mello Yello, no medallion on the hood, no price list on the door. Yet some idiot has to hurt my car’s feelings just because she’s yellow.
I roll down my window and the guy asks “taxi?”
I say no and roll my window up when I notice the guys in the car next to me laughing hysterically.
Are all yellow cars taxis? There is no billboard or number on top of Mello Yello, no medallion on the hood, no price list on the door. Yet some idiot has to hurt my car’s feelings just because she’s yellow.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
What Do You Give Me For? Ali Velshi and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
What do you give me for CNN anchor Ali Velshi and Muppet and Beaker's lab partner, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew?
Saturday, June 05, 2010
I Scream for Ice Cream
It used to be that the minor league Toledo Mud Hens were famous because Corporal Klinger often wore a Mud Hens jersey on MASH, that is when he wasn't wearing a lovely green taffeta dress.
But now the Mud Hens have a new claim to fame.
FIFTH THIRD FANATIC FREEZE SUNDAE (15 SCOOPS) - 3 flavors of your favorite Toft's ice cream x 5 scoops of each delicious flavor = 1 colossal sweet treat and a souvenir helmet! Topped with whipped cream, hot fudge, rainbow sprinkles, peanuts, and cherries. Served in a souvenir full-size helmet - this sundae is the perfect treat for 4-8 people or one Paulo!
This thing looks freakin awesome. I really think I could eat an entire one with a couple of stipulations:
1) I'd need to do it in a meat locker. If this were at a summertime baseball game, it would melt and turn to soup before I was able to finish it
2) they'd have to remove the peanuts (just to be safe) and the cherries
3) I don't know if there are three flavors I like enough to eat 5 scoops so I might just ask for 15 of mint chocolate chip
How do they expect 8 people to eat this? Would there be a lazy Susan involved?
How cool of a souvenir is the full-size helmet you ate 15 scoops of ice cream out of? Much better than the hats and t-shirts John Candy got for eating the old 96er
But now the Mud Hens have a new claim to fame.
FIFTH THIRD FANATIC FREEZE SUNDAE (15 SCOOPS) - 3 flavors of your favorite Toft's ice cream x 5 scoops of each delicious flavor = 1 colossal sweet treat and a souvenir helmet! Topped with whipped cream, hot fudge, rainbow sprinkles, peanuts, and cherries. Served in a souvenir full-size helmet - this sundae is the perfect treat for 4-8 people or one Paulo!
This thing looks freakin awesome. I really think I could eat an entire one with a couple of stipulations:
1) I'd need to do it in a meat locker. If this were at a summertime baseball game, it would melt and turn to soup before I was able to finish it
2) they'd have to remove the peanuts (just to be safe) and the cherries
3) I don't know if there are three flavors I like enough to eat 5 scoops so I might just ask for 15 of mint chocolate chip
How do they expect 8 people to eat this? Would there be a lazy Susan involved?
How cool of a souvenir is the full-size helmet you ate 15 scoops of ice cream out of? Much better than the hats and t-shirts John Candy got for eating the old 96er
Friday, June 04, 2010
What Do You Say?
What's the best fruit/vegetable euphemism for testicles?
Note: the winning word will be featured in an upcoming Facebook status update.
Note: the winning word will be featured in an upcoming Facebook status update.
When You Have More Dollars Than Sense
To renew their vows on their second anniversary Nick Cannon bought Mariah Carey a ring pop, only it wasn't candy, it was a real ring.
The ring is made of white gold, diamonds, and pink sapphires, and comes in a special box with a "spinner" so "you can see it sparkle under the lights inside," according to Jason Arasheben, the CEO of the Jason of Beverly Hills jewelery store where Nick purchased the ring.
No word on how much it cost.
The ring is made of white gold, diamonds, and pink sapphires, and comes in a special box with a "spinner" so "you can see it sparkle under the lights inside," according to Jason Arasheben, the CEO of the Jason of Beverly Hills jewelery store where Nick purchased the ring.
No word on how much it cost.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Nobody's Perfect
Armando Galarraga loses a perfect game on a terrible call. Fact is; Jim Joyce blew it. Galarraga had 26 outs in his back pocket. And he had his foot on the bag and the ball in his glove. He was seconds away from celebrating until Jim Joyce blew the call. In Joyce’s defense, he is looking at the play but mostly listening for the sound of foot on base and ball in glove. The way Galarraga caught it, the ball got snow-coned in his glove, maybe not making the sound Joyce is used to hearing.
A lot of people are saying Galarraga was “robbed” of a perfect game. As Archie Bunker pointed out, you can’t be robbed of something you never had. He made that point referring to the perfect game of Harvey Haddix. Haddix pitched 12 perfect innings but since the game was tied at zero, he went to the 13th and ended up losing the game on a home run to Joe Adcock (who passed Hank Aaron on the bases and only got credit for a single). So that’s not a perfect game.
Neither was Ernie Shore’s. In 1917 Shore entered the game after the starting pitcher was ejected after walking the first batter. That pitcher was Babe Ruth by the way. The baserunner was thrown out trying to steal and Shore retired the next 26 batters in a row. But’s that not a perfect game.
Nor will Galarraga’s game be marked in the history books as one. There are calls for Bud Selig to retroactively reverse the call and restore the perfect game. That’s preposterous, and unnecessary. Everyone knows Galarraga pitched a perfect game. He can sleep at night secure with his accomplishment and will be remembered that way. In fact, the uniqueness and misfortune will assure him an even better place in the memories of baseball fans.
Who cares what’s written in the record books? Those are the same record books that say Barry Bonds is the all-time home run king.
A lot of people are saying Galarraga was “robbed” of a perfect game. As Archie Bunker pointed out, you can’t be robbed of something you never had. He made that point referring to the perfect game of Harvey Haddix. Haddix pitched 12 perfect innings but since the game was tied at zero, he went to the 13th and ended up losing the game on a home run to Joe Adcock (who passed Hank Aaron on the bases and only got credit for a single). So that’s not a perfect game.
Neither was Ernie Shore’s. In 1917 Shore entered the game after the starting pitcher was ejected after walking the first batter. That pitcher was Babe Ruth by the way. The baserunner was thrown out trying to steal and Shore retired the next 26 batters in a row. But’s that not a perfect game.
Nor will Galarraga’s game be marked in the history books as one. There are calls for Bud Selig to retroactively reverse the call and restore the perfect game. That’s preposterous, and unnecessary. Everyone knows Galarraga pitched a perfect game. He can sleep at night secure with his accomplishment and will be remembered that way. In fact, the uniqueness and misfortune will assure him an even better place in the memories of baseball fans.
Who cares what’s written in the record books? Those are the same record books that say Barry Bonds is the all-time home run king.
Really? That Many People are Watching These Shows?
With the spring television season recently completed I thought I would point out something I noticed in the ratings every week that I simply cannot believe. Consistently each week American Idol and Dancing with the Stars top the ratings, understandably so. But right below those shows every week is NCIS. The ratings say 20 million people watch this show every week. But I have never seen it, and I don't know anyone else who watches it either. How is this show pulling 20 million viewers?
Also, every week SpongeBob SquarePants is at the top of the cable ratings. 4.5 million kids are watching this show each Saturday morning.
Also, every week SpongeBob SquarePants is at the top of the cable ratings. 4.5 million kids are watching this show each Saturday morning.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Song of the Week
"I'm So Happy, I Can't Stop Crying" - Sting
"Something about the universe and how it's all connected"
"Something about the universe and how it's all connected"
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
One Obnoxious Yankees Fan I Find Amusing
Never say I am not an unbiased journalist. I hate the Yankees but I have to give credit where credit is due. This guy biting the pork chop right out of Kim Jones's hand is an unparalleled act of bravery and humor.
Bernie Carbo Wanted to Break Keith Hernandez's Arms
Former Red Sox outfielder Bernie Carbo, best known for hitting a game-tying 3-run homer in the epic Game 6 of the 1975 World Series says he was high during the game, and basically his entire career.
"I probably smoked two joints, drank about three or four beers, got to the ballpark, took some [amphetamines], took a pain pill, drank a cup of coffee, chewed some tobacco, had a cigarette, and got up to the plate and hit . . . I played every game high. I was addicted to anything you could possibly be addicted to. I played the out field sometimes where it looked like the stars were falling from the sky."
When Carbo went to the St. Louis Cardinals in 1980 he introduced Keith Hernandez to cocaine. When Hernandez testified in the 1985 Pittsburgh drug trial he identified Carbo as his supplier. Evidently that made Carbo mad enough to seek revenge.
"I knew some people, and I had $2,000, and I asked them to break his arms." Carbo said.
"When I went to an individual to have it done, he said, 'We'll do it in two or three years if you want it done, but we're not going to do it today, Bernie. If we went and broke his legs today, or broke his arms, you don't think they would understand that you are the one that had it done?' "
"I probably smoked two joints, drank about three or four beers, got to the ballpark, took some [amphetamines], took a pain pill, drank a cup of coffee, chewed some tobacco, had a cigarette, and got up to the plate and hit . . . I played every game high. I was addicted to anything you could possibly be addicted to. I played the out field sometimes where it looked like the stars were falling from the sky."
When Carbo went to the St. Louis Cardinals in 1980 he introduced Keith Hernandez to cocaine. When Hernandez testified in the 1985 Pittsburgh drug trial he identified Carbo as his supplier. Evidently that made Carbo mad enough to seek revenge.
"I knew some people, and I had $2,000, and I asked them to break his arms." Carbo said.
"When I went to an individual to have it done, he said, 'We'll do it in two or three years if you want it done, but we're not going to do it today, Bernie. If we went and broke his legs today, or broke his arms, you don't think they would understand that you are the one that had it done?' "
Saturday, May 29, 2010
More Incontrovertible Photographic Evidence Proving Elena Kagan is a Lesbian
You see the way Elena Kagan is sitting? More proof she's a lesbian. As if we need more proof. Young, straight women sit with their legs crossed. Older straight women sit with their ankles crossed. You know who sits with their legs open? Lesbians, that's who!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Best Baseball Card Ever
It's the Honus Wagner T-206 for our generation.
For sale on eBay right now is a 2010 Bowman Chrome Superfractor Stephen Strasburg.
With three days left the bidding is at $17,100. [It sold for $16,403, there must have been some bids retracted because buyers had to prove ability to pay]
Here's why this card is so valuable:
Bowman Chrome does several versions of each card, a regular card, a refractor (500), an Xfractor (225), blue refractor (150), gold refractor (50), orange refractor (25), red refractor (5) and superfractor (1)
Yes, there is only one of this card. It makes it an incredible white whale for very wealthy collectors.
I have no doubt that Strasburg is going to become an all-time legend and I suspect this card will be bought and sold many more times throughout his career for increasingly higher prices.
Note: I got one Superfractor in my life, 2005 Bowman Chrome Ryan Sweeney. I sold it for $247
For sale on eBay right now is a 2010 Bowman Chrome Superfractor Stephen Strasburg.
With three days left the bidding is at $17,100. [It sold for $16,403, there must have been some bids retracted because buyers had to prove ability to pay]
Here's why this card is so valuable:
Bowman Chrome does several versions of each card, a regular card, a refractor (500), an Xfractor (225), blue refractor (150), gold refractor (50), orange refractor (25), red refractor (5) and superfractor (1)
Yes, there is only one of this card. It makes it an incredible white whale for very wealthy collectors.
I have no doubt that Strasburg is going to become an all-time legend and I suspect this card will be bought and sold many more times throughout his career for increasingly higher prices.
Note: I got one Superfractor in my life, 2005 Bowman Chrome Ryan Sweeney. I sold it for $247
Song of the Week
"Good People" - Jack Johnson
I was amazed when I heard this song for the first time and was sure it was new, turns out it's a couple years old. How does something like this not get mainstream radio airplay?
There are two types of people in this world, those who think Jack Johnson is a turn of the century black boxer, and those who think Jack Johnson is a white pop singer.
Plus, it's TON's birthday and I guarantee he heard this song, likes this song and even took Special K to see this guy in concert.
I was amazed when I heard this song for the first time and was sure it was new, turns out it's a couple years old. How does something like this not get mainstream radio airplay?
There are two types of people in this world, those who think Jack Johnson is a turn of the century black boxer, and those who think Jack Johnson is a white pop singer.
Plus, it's TON's birthday and I guarantee he heard this song, likes this song and even took Special K to see this guy in concert.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Suck My Horn Bitch
Bullfighting is a lot more fun when the bull wins.
Julio Aparicio was coming off a high having just killed two bulls in France and proudly showing off their ears.
The next day at a bullfight in Madrid he let his guard down against “Opiparo.”
Just as he was about the deliever the “death blow” to the badly injured Opiparo, he tripped and fell, and Opiparo took advantage.
He charged at Aparicio and put his right now through his throat and out his mouth.
Aparacio needed major surgery but he will live.
Which is more than I can say for Opiparo who was immediately killed by another bullfighter.
Julio Aparicio was coming off a high having just killed two bulls in France and proudly showing off their ears.
The next day at a bullfight in Madrid he let his guard down against “Opiparo.”
Just as he was about the deliever the “death blow” to the badly injured Opiparo, he tripped and fell, and Opiparo took advantage.
He charged at Aparicio and put his right now through his throat and out his mouth.
Aparacio needed major surgery but he will live.
Which is more than I can say for Opiparo who was immediately killed by another bullfighter.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Carpet Muncher, Clam Digger, Softball Player
The Wall Street Journal published a picture on its front page of Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan playing softball. The picture was taken in 1993, and became a front-page story in 2010. Some have claimed the Journal did this to raise questions about Kagan’s sexuality. She is rumored to be a lesbian but the White House angrily denies these “charges.” Kagan has said nothing.
And that’s the problem. All the liberals and gays out there long for the day when someone’s sexual preference doesn’t matter, especially for a Supreme Court Justice when lots of other issues are way more important when determining competency for the role. But instead of blaming the evil people who keep asking the questions, I think it’s the people who constantly evade the issue who make sexuality important.
Ricky Martin, Johnny Weir, Adam Lambert, Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres are just some of the celebrities who at least initially lied or hid their sexuality. Do they think that brings us closer to the day when no one will care? What if they simply said, “yes I am gay.” Wouldn’t that minimize it, if that is indeed their goal?
Which brings us back to the Wall Street Journal, of course their goal was to raise questions about her sexuality. Combine the rumors, with the stereotype of softball players and you can reach no other conclusion. But maybe the Journal was doing more for the cause than all the closeted celebrities and public figures. Don’t we have to have the conversation before we can end the conversation?
Not sure, but I’d like to ask Jennie Finch about it.
And that’s the problem. All the liberals and gays out there long for the day when someone’s sexual preference doesn’t matter, especially for a Supreme Court Justice when lots of other issues are way more important when determining competency for the role. But instead of blaming the evil people who keep asking the questions, I think it’s the people who constantly evade the issue who make sexuality important.
Ricky Martin, Johnny Weir, Adam Lambert, Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres are just some of the celebrities who at least initially lied or hid their sexuality. Do they think that brings us closer to the day when no one will care? What if they simply said, “yes I am gay.” Wouldn’t that minimize it, if that is indeed their goal?
Which brings us back to the Wall Street Journal, of course their goal was to raise questions about her sexuality. Combine the rumors, with the stereotype of softball players and you can reach no other conclusion. But maybe the Journal was doing more for the cause than all the closeted celebrities and public figures. Don’t we have to have the conversation before we can end the conversation?
Not sure, but I’d like to ask Jennie Finch about it.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Refreshing Honesty
Campbell Brown recently stepped down from CNN and her final words were so refreshingly honest that I had to share them and think we should all applaud her and hope more people in the future will do the same when faced with a similar predicament.
"Simply put, the ratings for my program are not where I would like them to be. It is largely for this reason that I am stepping down as anchor of CNN's "Campbell Brown". To be clear: this is my decision, and one that I have been thinking about for some time. As for why, I could have said, that I am stepping down to spend more time with my children (which I truly want to do). Or that I am leaving to pursue other opportunities (which I also truly want to do). But I have never had much tolerance for others' spin, so I can't imagine trying to stomach my own. The simple fact is that not enough people want to watch my program, and I owe it to myself and to CNN to get out of the way so that CNN can try something else.
My plan right now is to help CNN through any transition, and then to enjoy, for the very first time, the nightly ritual of "Good Night Moon" and good night kisses with my two little boys. I wish my CNN colleagues all the best. And as long as bedtime doesn't conflict with primetime, I will be watching and pulling for them."
It's true that Brown got killed in the ratings. On a rough estimate O'Reilly averaged 2.5 million viewers a night, 1 million for Olbermann, 500,000 for Nancy Grace and 300,000 for Brown. Her show's tagline was "No Bull, No Bias" but the rating show viewers want bull and bias. But at least she took the high road on the way out.
"Simply put, the ratings for my program are not where I would like them to be. It is largely for this reason that I am stepping down as anchor of CNN's "Campbell Brown". To be clear: this is my decision, and one that I have been thinking about for some time. As for why, I could have said, that I am stepping down to spend more time with my children (which I truly want to do). Or that I am leaving to pursue other opportunities (which I also truly want to do). But I have never had much tolerance for others' spin, so I can't imagine trying to stomach my own. The simple fact is that not enough people want to watch my program, and I owe it to myself and to CNN to get out of the way so that CNN can try something else.
My plan right now is to help CNN through any transition, and then to enjoy, for the very first time, the nightly ritual of "Good Night Moon" and good night kisses with my two little boys. I wish my CNN colleagues all the best. And as long as bedtime doesn't conflict with primetime, I will be watching and pulling for them."
It's true that Brown got killed in the ratings. On a rough estimate O'Reilly averaged 2.5 million viewers a night, 1 million for Olbermann, 500,000 for Nancy Grace and 300,000 for Brown. Her show's tagline was "No Bull, No Bias" but the rating show viewers want bull and bias. But at least she took the high road on the way out.
Song of the Week
"Hold You" - Gyptian
I'm hoping this will be the first song of the week that no one has ever heard of before.
I'm hoping this will be the first song of the week that no one has ever heard of before.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Another Reason For LeBron To Come To New York
The Knicks don't have Delonte West.
According to scurrilous internet rumors West is banging LeBron's mom, Gloria James.
Apparently this has been going on for a while but LeBron didn't find out until the middle of the Celtics series.
The team discord may have resulted in the Cavs losing.
I don't believe this story one bit, but it should at least be part of the Knicks pitch to LeBron.
We promise no one on the team will fuck your mother.
According to scurrilous internet rumors West is banging LeBron's mom, Gloria James.
Apparently this has been going on for a while but LeBron didn't find out until the middle of the Celtics series.
The team discord may have resulted in the Cavs losing.
I don't believe this story one bit, but it should at least be part of the Knicks pitch to LeBron.
We promise no one on the team will fuck your mother.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Yes, He Really Said That
A few years ago an e-mail made its way around the internet telling the supposed story of a news anchorwoman who questioned the weatherman about his snow forecast that never came true thusly: “what happened to the 8 inches you promised me last night?”
Unfortunately that is an urban legend but now we have something better.
After reporter Catherine Shreves of WGNO in New Orleans did a story on the G-Shot, a shot given to women to enlarge their G-Spot, anchor Michael Hill asked the question everyone was probably wondering:
Unfortunately that is an urban legend but now we have something better.
After reporter Catherine Shreves of WGNO in New Orleans did a story on the G-Shot, a shot given to women to enlarge their G-Spot, anchor Michael Hill asked the question everyone was probably wondering:
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Song of the Week
"Despicable (freestyle)" - Eminem
"fuck that I'd rather turn this club into a barroom brawl
get rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall"
"fuck that I'd rather turn this club into a barroom brawl
get rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall"
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,780
While rushing for an appointment for an ultrasound Mrs. Poop was driving around the very busy parking lot at the medical building. She noticed one of the spaces reserved for Maternal-Fetal Medicine Patients open up, but by the time she drove around to it a man (by himself) had taken the spot.
Mrs. Poop avoided confrontation but was forced to park across the street in the parking lot of the Korean Church.
On the way in, she left a note on the offending car "thanks for parking in a spot reserved for pregnant ladies, asshole."
Mrs. Poop avoided confrontation but was forced to park across the street in the parking lot of the Korean Church.
On the way in, she left a note on the offending car "thanks for parking in a spot reserved for pregnant ladies, asshole."
Thursday, May 06, 2010
You've Gotta Be Explicit With Those Cake Decorators
With the Braves in Washington to play the Nationals Senators Johnny Isakson (R-Ga.) and Jay Rockefeller (D-W.Va.) hosted a ceremony, inviting the Braves manager Bobby Cox, as well as players and officials to honor Cox on his retirement.
But the cake had an unfortunate and profane misspelling of his last name
“Thanks for 50 great years Bobby Cocks”
Here’s how it happened: Restaurant Associates which does the catering for the Capitol called to place the order with a cake company they don’t normally use. They gave the name over the phone and never specifically spelled out C-O-X.
When Cox and the Braves players arrived they met with and posed for pictures with Congressional staffers. It was during this time that a staffer went to get the cake ready and noticed the mistake. They quickly cut off the offending portion of the cake and smeared the icing with the misspelling, but not before a media member got a picture.
But the cake had an unfortunate and profane misspelling of his last name
“Thanks for 50 great years Bobby Cocks”
Here’s how it happened: Restaurant Associates which does the catering for the Capitol called to place the order with a cake company they don’t normally use. They gave the name over the phone and never specifically spelled out C-O-X.
When Cox and the Braves players arrived they met with and posed for pictures with Congressional staffers. It was during this time that a staffer went to get the cake ready and noticed the mistake. They quickly cut off the offending portion of the cake and smeared the icing with the misspelling, but not before a media member got a picture.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Song of the Week
"For the Longest Time" - Billy Joel
I really like the fact that 20 years after doo-wop went out of style Billy Joel just said "hey fuck it, I want to record a doo-wop song."
Also, doo-wop is one of my favorite styles of music, you just can't be unhappy when listening to doo-wop. I love that every song has a guy with really deep bass and one with a really high falsetto.
According to Wikipedia, my old station WCBS-FM was instrumental in this song becoming a hit. When the "Innocent Man" album came out in 1983, CBS-FM started playing "For the Longest Time" because it sounded like an old song even though it was new. That prompted the record label to release it as the 4th single from the album.
Wikipedia also says Joel recorded all the vocals, presumably including the bass profundo and the falsetto himself.
I really like the fact that 20 years after doo-wop went out of style Billy Joel just said "hey fuck it, I want to record a doo-wop song."
Also, doo-wop is one of my favorite styles of music, you just can't be unhappy when listening to doo-wop. I love that every song has a guy with really deep bass and one with a really high falsetto.
According to Wikipedia, my old station WCBS-FM was instrumental in this song becoming a hit. When the "Innocent Man" album came out in 1983, CBS-FM started playing "For the Longest Time" because it sounded like an old song even though it was new. That prompted the record label to release it as the 4th single from the album.
Wikipedia also says Joel recorded all the vocals, presumably including the bass profundo and the falsetto himself.
Monday, May 03, 2010
Mrs. Poop's New Favorite Baseball Player
We all have our crosses to bear and Mrs. Poop's cross is her oft-recurring kidney stones.
Note: her idiotic husband was her own choice
That is why her new favorite baseball player is Colorado Rockies catcher Miguel Olivo. In a game earlier this season Olivo went to the clubhouse bathroom between innings and passed a kidney stone. Impressive, because as bad is it is for a woman, pushing the stone out for a man is even more painful.
Even more impressive, Olivo went back out for the next inning.
“Believe me, it’s not fun,” said Olivo. “Sometimes, when I’ve got that thing, I just want to die. But I can handle pain a little bit. Once it’s gone, I’m normal, I’m good. Let’s play baseball.”
Olivo has learned to live with the condition ever since he began experiencing kidney stones in 2003 while playing for the White Sox.
“Come on,” said Olivo. “After I passed it, I don’t even feel it anymore. I don’t feel anything. It’s like crazy.”
Note: her idiotic husband was her own choice
That is why her new favorite baseball player is Colorado Rockies catcher Miguel Olivo. In a game earlier this season Olivo went to the clubhouse bathroom between innings and passed a kidney stone. Impressive, because as bad is it is for a woman, pushing the stone out for a man is even more painful.
Even more impressive, Olivo went back out for the next inning.
“Believe me, it’s not fun,” said Olivo. “Sometimes, when I’ve got that thing, I just want to die. But I can handle pain a little bit. Once it’s gone, I’m normal, I’m good. Let’s play baseball.”
Olivo has learned to live with the condition ever since he began experiencing kidney stones in 2003 while playing for the White Sox.
“Come on,” said Olivo. “After I passed it, I don’t even feel it anymore. I don’t feel anything. It’s like crazy.”
Paulo's Book Club: "Real Men Don't Say Splendid"
"Real Men Don't Say Splendid: A Lexicon of Unmanliness" is a silly little book that literally takes all of 10 minutes to read cover to cover.
But if you love words the way I do, it's a funny 10 minutes.
Simple premise: it lists 99 words real men should never say under any circumstances and it gives sentences for each one.
A large portion of the words are only used by gay men and gossip magazine writers: Canoodling, Preggers, Galpal, Chic, Elegant, Nuptials and the homosexual standard, Fabulous
There's also quite a few words Mrs. Poop uses on a regular basis which is ok because she's a girl: adorable, comfy, cuddle, snuggle, dilly-dally and scoot.
If Chase and I are laying in bed and she wants to get in she might say "you guys look comfy but can you scoot so I can snuggle and cuddle with you."
The word golly might have been added after the author saw me at a goyisha wedding because the accompanying sentence is: Golly, that's a lot of shrimp for one person.
Seinfeld perfectly captured the essence of this book when saying he didn't want to carry the chocolate babka to the party because standing at the door holding a box by a little string is a "tad dainty." Both those words are in the book.
A few other good examples from the book that I absolutely agree no real man should ever use: fancy, heartthrob, mingle (especially as in "I'm single and ready to mingle"), glamorous and hunk.
But a few of the entries I really don't understand their inclusion:
Boobies: Sometimes you have to talk about tits but you can't call them tits, boobs or boobies is the best alternative here.
Giggle: I don't know a good synonym to describe this type of laughter.
Oops: What else are you supposed to say when you make a mistake?
Shimmy: Only acceptable when quoting Major League 2: "Parkman is doing that little shimmy, it makes the women here in Cleveland wanna puke."
Tasty: Once again a manly movie quote "MMMM, this is a tasty burger."
Panties: There is a manly way to say this "She wasn't wearing any panties dawg."
In place of those I word have added: drafty, duvet, draperies and exquisite
But if you love words the way I do, it's a funny 10 minutes.
Simple premise: it lists 99 words real men should never say under any circumstances and it gives sentences for each one.
A large portion of the words are only used by gay men and gossip magazine writers: Canoodling, Preggers, Galpal, Chic, Elegant, Nuptials and the homosexual standard, Fabulous
There's also quite a few words Mrs. Poop uses on a regular basis which is ok because she's a girl: adorable, comfy, cuddle, snuggle, dilly-dally and scoot.
If Chase and I are laying in bed and she wants to get in she might say "you guys look comfy but can you scoot so I can snuggle and cuddle with you."
The word golly might have been added after the author saw me at a goyisha wedding because the accompanying sentence is: Golly, that's a lot of shrimp for one person.
Seinfeld perfectly captured the essence of this book when saying he didn't want to carry the chocolate babka to the party because standing at the door holding a box by a little string is a "tad dainty." Both those words are in the book.
A few other good examples from the book that I absolutely agree no real man should ever use: fancy, heartthrob, mingle (especially as in "I'm single and ready to mingle"), glamorous and hunk.
But a few of the entries I really don't understand their inclusion:
Boobies: Sometimes you have to talk about tits but you can't call them tits, boobs or boobies is the best alternative here.
Giggle: I don't know a good synonym to describe this type of laughter.
Oops: What else are you supposed to say when you make a mistake?
Shimmy: Only acceptable when quoting Major League 2: "Parkman is doing that little shimmy, it makes the women here in Cleveland wanna puke."
Tasty: Once again a manly movie quote "MMMM, this is a tasty burger."
Panties: There is a manly way to say this "She wasn't wearing any panties dawg."
In place of those I word have added: drafty, duvet, draperies and exquisite
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)