I Can't Wait for Next Year's Picture

Diesel in Maine in 2007:



Diesel in Maine in 2008:


Diesel in Maine in 2009:


Diesel in Maine in 2010:

Reason Why Mrs. Poop Hates Me (I Lost Count)

Whenever I eat asparagus I e-mail her the next day to tell her my pee smells funny.

I Am So Jealous

We have already documented the candy-eating habits of Bulls point guard Derrick Rose.
Now that sweet tooth has paid off. Skittles sent Rose a personalized Skittles dispensing machine.



The machine is cool enough but the best part is that Skittles says it will keep his machine stocked for up to three years.

Sweet!

What Do You Give Me For? Mike Pelfrey and Lane from Big Brother

What do you give me for Mike Pelfrey and Lane Elenburg from Big Brother?

Women Fixed This Race

What are the chances of a horse named "My Wife Knows Everything" and a horse named "The Wife Doesn't Know" being in the same race, and finishing 1-2. The fix had to be in, especially when "My Wife Knows Everything" finished in front.

I know the women loved this but I'll take Hoof Hearted any day.

The Best Thing I've Ever Heard

My love of Ice Cube's "It was a Good Day" is well known, thanks to my usage of the song's denouement ("I didn't even have to use my AK") as a Facebook status or indication of a particularly enjoyable day.
Less well known is my love of Mavis Staples and The Staple Singers in general, but especially "Let's Do It Again." Although I do find it a little unsettling that Mavis would sing about "getting good lovin" with her father, Pops Staples, on keyboard.
But those two songs are so different there's no way you could combine them to make one perfect song. Oh wait, there is.



According to Wikipedia, this version of the song has actually been around for a while, released on bootlegs, B-sides and even an NWA Greatest Hits album.

I cannot believe someone has actually combined these two wonderful things. Next thing you'll tell me is that there is chicken soup flavored ice cream.

I Would Have Spelled It Correctly

My new favorite show is ABC's "What Would You Do?" The show hires actors stage scenes in public (wife-beating, fraternity hazing) just to get the reactions of passersby.
I now live my life as if everything is being filmed for an episode of WWYD? I'm constantly interfering in things that are none of my business just in case John Quinones is lurking around the corner.
In an episode where a waiter was hitting on a guy's wife, an atrocious typo somehow slipped past all the producers and anyone else who watched the show before it aired.

It's Football Season

Once again espn.com is offering a wide variety of games for both college and NFL. I have created groups called "The Poop" in four of them.
They are college pickem, college showdown, pigskin pickem and eliminator challenge. The Eliminator is the traditional survivor pool, definitely do that one.
And join the group too assholes.

Curvy Women Are in This Season

The two hottest women at the 2010 Emmy Awards were unquestionably Mad Men's Christina Hendricks and Sofia Vergara of Modern Family.

My Favorite Terror Suspect Ever

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police arrested three men they say were making bombs as part of a terrorist plot.
One of the suspects is Khurram Syed Sher who tried out for Canadian Idol in 2008, singing Avril Lavigne's "Complicated."



I actually thought he did a pretty job with it. With the dancing I think he really made it his own.

I love the Canadian Randy Jackson. He's exactly the same but he says "eh?" after everything?

And where do they send people on Canadian Idol? What's the Canadian equivalent of Hollywood? Toronto? Regina?

The Bags are Juiced, The Mets Obviously Aren't

I don’t mean to ignore the severe mismanagement of the Mets which has led to their downward spiral from the precipice of the World Series in 2006 to the disastrous outfit we see before us today. The Mets have an incredibly flawed organizational philosophy which focuses on acquiring expensive overrated veterans while failing to develop cheap, young talent.

All of that is true, but another major factor is causing the Mets to be terrible. It’s impossible to explain so I think many advanced sabremetricians would call it luck. I don’t know what to call it but I think the main reason the Mets are so bad is because of a lack of timely hitting.

Let’s just look at the bases loaded. This year the Mets are 20 for 101 (.198) with the bases loaded. That’s worst in the majors. They have zero grand slams (worst in the majors). And they’ve allowed 9 grand slams (most in the majors), but that’s another issue.

If the Mets were only marginally better, say 2 grand slams hit, 2 fewer allowed they could be 4 games better in the standings and right in the wild card race.

But they’re not – and why?

Maybe they’re trying too hard, in those situations, or not hard enough. Maybe it is just luck. Maybe the Mets aren’t clutch, whatever that means. But the numbers are indisputable.



Here are the Mets OPS numbers with the bases loaded for the last 5 years and the major league rank:



2010: .483 (30th)

2009: .598 (28th)

2008: .637 (27th)

2007: .676 (25th)

2006: .976 (4th)

Toe-Tastic

For some reason my toes have a special ability to find furniture in the dark.

This is an injury from back in 2007.



This one happened earlier this year.



And I've been limping around for the last week because of this.

Song of the Week

"Just You and I" - Ricky Blaze



In case you recognize the bangin beat its the riddim from "Hold You" by Gyptian.

Note: "Riddim" is Jamaican for rhythm.

I've Become What I Despise

Nearly three years after deriding the Diaper Dude, calling it gay and saying I would rather carry a pink flowery diaper bag than a Diaper Dude, I now carry one.




A very generous friend decided I needed one, and even though I pleaded with her (she gave me advance notice) she ignored my wishes and foisted upon me an insecure man's diaper bag.

I must admit the bag is pretty cool, has some modern conveniences, like a hold for your phone on the strap and carrying it as a backpack is much easier than the shoulder strap. So even though I would never buy one for myself, I guess it is a pretty cool gift. But I still think it makes me gay.

Unions Gone Wild

It seems like every day you read in the paper another story showing how unions are ruining America. Either outrageous pay, lavish pensions or outright pig-headedness involving memebers it is growing increasingly clear labor unions have outlived their usefulness in America as ways to police employer abuse.
But no union is more drunk on power than the Major League Baseball Players' Association.

I can honestly see the union putting up a fight about the Mets trying to void K-Rod's cotnract. That somewhat makes sense, because it has to protect other members. But the MLBPA insisting K-Rod should be paid for the rest of this season is ludicrous.

The player was injured in the commission of a crime. During that criminal act he suffered an injury preventing him from fulfilling his duties as set forth in his contract. And yet he still deserves to be paid?

I can't see how they can possibly defend this unless they make him retract his confession that the injury was suffered during the fight.

Could you imagine if he had robbed a liquor store and gotten shot in the leg and been unable to pitch? Would that disqualify him from receiving the money he was entitled?

Note: Do people rob liquor stores anymore? Is it still called "knocking over" a liquor store?

Note: Paying big contracts to closers is foolish. More foolish than paying big contracts to other players. Closers' success is to fickle. The guy has been pretty good over two years for the Mets, but unless he's Gagne-esque there's no reason to pay him $12-$13 million a year.

Dad I'm Jesus Christ

Those of you with or without children you'll understand.
Mrs. Poop and I were quizzing Chase one day and asked him what is full name is.
He replied "Chase Brennan come here."
But we are not alone, the great Bill Cosby presaged this in his landmark "Himself" special nearly 30 years ago.

CNN's Copy Editors Miss One

The Tradition Lives On

2010:


2007:


1978:

Join the Paarti

On this season of "The Next Food Network Star" by former co-worker Aarti Sequeira is one of the contestants vying for the title and with it the prestigious show on the Food Network.
Before the season started I was unsure of how Aarti's cooking would be (I never knew her to be a foodie) but thought for certain she would shine in the "camera challenges" because of her TV background.



Turns out just the opposite was true. Aarti's food has consistently impressed the judges, including the obnoxious Bobby Flay, the love Giada De Laurentiis and the elderly homosexual who talks out of the side of his mouth, Bob Tushman.
But things Aarti should have been great at (timing, ease in front of the camera) turned out to be her bugaboos.
Despite her occassional hiccups Aarti has clearly dominated the competition winning more than anyone else, and failing far less often.
To keep things interesting Food Network created a story arc for Aarti -- she lacks confidence. True they did find moments of weakness where Aarti engaged in self-deprecating, apologetic behavior. But I think this wasn't due to a lack of confidence, simply more of a subconscious bar-lowering.
But I noticed a turning point in the penultimate episode. While Aarti was tearing up poor Herb in the Iron Chef Challenge Bobby Flay plainly asked her if she was happy with a certain dish.
In the split second it took her to answer, I could almost feel her thinking of all the excuses she could make for why the dish was substandard. But she rejected those doubts and answered "yes." Bobby Flay said "good, it's delicious."
I think in that moment Aarti clinched the show in the eyes of the judges who know she's the best and were just waiting for her to figure it out or at least show it.
In tonight's finale I'm sure she'll be crowned "The Next Food Network Star."

And He Got To Keep The Ball

Astros fan tries to catch a foul ball, but backs off at last second -- and his girlfriend gets plunked.



I love the way the reporter was like "girl, you need to ditch this loser."

Introducing Julian

To follow everything that happens with Julian from that moment on visit JulianEdward86.blogspot.com.

The Most Common Phrases in My House

"Look at me" - Chase

"A buccaneer is a pretty expensive price for corn." - Paul

"I can make it look like an accident." - Mrs. Poop

If JHughes can call the San Diego football team the Whale Vagina Chargers then I can call the Tampa Bay team the Tampa Bay Expensive Corn Prices.

Bring Back Greenies

Carlos Beltran made his season debut for the Mets last night. He singled in the 4th inning and was immediately caught stealing.

"I was trying to pick up the catcher's sign," Beltran said. "I saw two fingers and I just felt that I was going to be able to make it. I guess when you drink too many coffees and too much sugar before the game, it makes you do crazy things."

Mrs. Poop Witnessed This

I haven't gotten the full story from Mrs. Poop about what she saw and when, but she was on the beach when this lady got pulled out by a strong current. The lifeguards eventually pulled her out of the water and performed chest compressions on her on the beach until the ambulance arrived.

Friends of Anne McNaughton Farley weren't surprised that she risked her life to save someone from drowning.

They were devastated, however, that such a kind, creative and upbeat woman died as a result.



"What she did was so much in character with who she was," said Beth Murphy of Scarborough, a longtime friend who is a library researcher for The Portland Press Herald/Maine Sunday Telegram, where Farley was a library assistant from 1980 to 1995.

"She was one of those people who, if you needed help, you could call her and she would always be there for you," Murphy said. "It just doesn't seem possible that she's gone."

Farley, 57, died Wednesday morning after saving her granddaughter from a strong current off Old Orchard Beach on Tuesday afternoon, said Deputy Police Chief Keith Babin.

She was pulled from the ocean near the border of Old Orchard Beach and Saco around 2:30 p.m. Tuesday, along with several others who had been caught in the current from the outflow of Goosefare Brook, Babin said.

Witnesses told police that Farley jumped in after her granddaughter fell into the water, Babin said. Farley got her granddaughter out of the water but was unable to escape the current herself.

She was unconscious when lifeguards pulled her from the water, so they began CPR on the shore, Babin said. She was taken by ambulance to Southern Maine Medical Center in Biddeford, then transferred to Maine Medical Center in Portland, where she died early Wednesday.

All of the other swimmers caught in the current were unharmed, including Farley's granddaughter, Babin said.

Her friends described Farley as a dedicated educator, a loving family member and a self-effacing storyteller who maintained a young person's love of life.

"She never became cynical or jaded, as so many of us do when we reach middle age," said Jon Halvorsen of South Portland, a former Telegram editor who knew Farley for 30 years. "She never spoke harshly about anyone. If you were in her company, you felt her warmth, her complete attention to you in conversation. You felt good just being around her."

Farley grew up in Portland, the daughter of Donald and Evangeline McNaughton. She graduated from Deering High School and received a bachelor's degree in elementary education from the University of Southern Maine.

Married in 1996, she and her husband, John, had no children together, but she was close to his two children from a previous marriage and his five grandchildren.

"She loved his children and grandchildren like they were her own," said Susan Butler of Scarborough, a former library researcher at the Press Herald who last saw Farley on Monday, when she attended Butler's birthday party.

After leaving the Press Herald, Farley worked at Scarborough High School, then decided she wanted to be a school librarian, Butler said. She went back to school and earned a master's degree in library science.

She relished her job at Bonny Eagle Middle School, where she led fundraising efforts to help victims of Hurricane Katrina and this year's earthquake in Haiti. She got to know individual students' interests so she could recommend books they'd want to read, Murphy said.

She also researched and decorated the library with authentic tartan plaid banners representing the 18 Scottish "clans" that divide the middle school into learning groups.

"Anne was a wonderful addition to our staff and will be sadly missed by everyone who knew and worked with her," Suzanne Lukas, superintendent of the Bonny Eagle School District, wrote in an e-mail to staff members Wednesday.

Farley's creativity extended to her gift for writing and telling stories. She occasionally wrote Maine Observer guest columns for the Maine Sunday Telegram. Her latest, about the beauty of the four seasons in Maine, ran June 27.

In it, she remembered childhood trips to Old Orchard Beach:

"A trip to Old Orchard Beach was also a special treat," she wrote. "Noah's Ark, the merry-go-round and little boats that went round and round in the water were my favorites."

When she worked at the Press Herald, her co-workers looked forward to her Monday morning tales about her weekend adventures.

Murphy remembered one story that Farley told, after she attended a wedding reception. A person at the reception asked her to mind a guide dog for a moment, but the dog got away from her.

Farley described how she followed the dog across the reception hall, calling "Champagne! Champagne!," which was the dog's name, only to draw the attention of curious waiters and people who thought she was offering them a drink.

"She seemed to be a magnet for situations like that," Murphy said. "She was able to tell those stories and laugh at herself."

Farley had varied interests and gathered friends from every facet of her life. She traveled widely, played golf every Monday, sang in the Portland Community Chorus and the folk group at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Portland, tended a beautiful flower garden and was active in Democratic politics.

"She kept all her friends throughout her life," said Carole Madsen Smith of Portland, a friend since junior high school. "She sent out a million Christmas cards every year and always remembered your birthday. She had an incredible sense of loyalty."

Stupidest Poll Ever

Song of the Week

"Goin Crazy" - Natalie
This chick is hot, a former Houston Rockets dancer, not sure why she never had a more successful career. Maybe because she just went by Natalie. In this day and age when people have to search artists by name in iTunes and on Google using just a single somewhat common name makes it hard to find. I blame this for the demise of one of my favorite R&B artists, Joe.

I Have an Eye for Talent (and Cell Phones)

When I first spotted Larissa Riquelme, and her cell phone, in the stands during a World Cup game I had no idea she would become an international sensation. I didn't even know her name.
But after being featured on the Poop Riquelme, a lingerie model in her native Paraguay said she would run through the streets in body -- JUST body paint -- if Paraguay won the World Cup.
They didn't but she is going to anyway.

“It will be a present to all of the players, and for all the people in Paraguay to enjoy, because they tried as hard as possible and gave it their all on the field.”

What Do You Give Me For? Peter Krause and Alexi Lalas

Almost everyone watching World Cup coverage in America recognized the striking resemblance between the clean-cut Alexi Lalas and actor Peter Krause (Six Feet Under, Dirty Sexy Money, Parenthood)

I Should Have Known He Had a Hot Girlfriend

As if we didn't already like Norwegian Olympic skier Petter Northug enough we now find out two more pieces of information that increase our love for the man.

First of all, he likes poker. He is playing the Main Event of the World Series of Poker and has made it through to Day 3.
Second, not that we should be surprised, he has a hot girlfriend.
Rachel Nordtomme was spotted on the rail in the Rio rooting her man on during the WSOP.

My Six Point Analysis of the LeBron James Incident

1. LeBron really did sully his reputation with this entire episode. I thought it was mostly cranky old white people who were hating on LeBron and calling him an egotist. But it turns out the sentiment against him is nearly universal. It runs the gamut from hating him and refusing to watch the NBA ever again to people like me who are marginally disappointed with the way he handled this thing. But I do think it is worth nothing that what LeBron did was better than a press conference to apologize for sleeping with 15 women, or explaining how that handgun got in your carry-on bag, or to refute rape charges. This was mostly a positive think but I think a lot of the negative reaction has to do with the way the special was handled.

2. The special was an outright disaster. First of all, he said he told only a handful of people. Maybe true, but they told a handful of people and they told a handful of people and so on and by the time he made the announcement everyone knew his decision. I think that was the first embarrassment. The second embarrassment was 15 minutes of Stuart Scott and his merry men (I love Wilbon don’t get me wrong) saying the same things we’d all been saying for months. And then a 15-minute interview of softball questions from Jim Gray. And why say the announcement would come in the first 15 minutes if that’s not what they planned to do? They should have produced some package of LeBron from the summer getting on and off planes (someone must have been shooting this stuff), showed him interacting with the kids at the Boys and Girls Club (wasn’t that the entire reason behind this?) then have him make the announcement, then take questions from the audience/twitter. Sure the ratings would have plummeted in the second half hour but that’s better than ruining your reputation.

3. Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert may have also done some damage to his reputation. He wrote a letter ripping LeBron (and used a weird font to do it). He told Cavaliers fans they had been betrayed, called this a cowardly act and then in an AP interview ratcheted up the rhetoric even more saying LeBron quit on the team. I think he was just trying to act like a fan, to show he’s one of them, as he clearly runs the risk of losing his fan base this morning. The fact that he said he guarantees Cleveland will win an NBA title before the Heat is a perfect example of his attempt at a diehard fan’s eternal optimism. This morning Cleveland fans are devastated and setting fire to LeBron jerseys in the street. If Gilbert issued a statement saying something like “We thank LeBron for his years of service and wish him well in his new city” the fans would have been furious, thinking their owner doesn’t care as much as they do. I can see why some say it’s beneath a man of his stature to act like a common fan, but I also think LeBron probably owed him the courtesy of a phone call.

4. From a basketball perspective I think LeBron made a big mistake. He obviously realizes the only way to achieve basketball immortality is to win titles. And he’s willing to take less money and sublimate his ego (contrary to what he evinced with the Special) to accomplish that goal. But I think Chicago especially and possibly even the Knicks and Nets set themselves up to be long-term contenders if they could have added LeBron. Then he could have won titles (or at least competed for them) and had them be his own. It sort of seems like he is taking the easy way out by teaming up with Bosh and Wade. Sort of like when Gary Payton and Karl Malone joined the Lakers. Also, I have significant doubt that this will work out the way they all hope. It might be very hard for these three players to happily share the ball. And if they are not winning 60 games a year the talk with start and the fingers will point and this holy alliance could go south in a hurry. The key test will come late in games when you need one guy to take over. Wade has shown himself to be better in those situations so what if LeBron misses a couple of game-winners and Wade makes some? What if Wade ends up being Finals MVP the first time they win? Is that the type of title Lebron is pursuing with this decision?

5. I’m still not decided on what this means for the greater NBA. Over time history has shown that people like dynasties, so if the Heat become one I could see that being a positive for the league. I also don’t think it will be that easy for the Heat to become a dynasty. And even if they do, they will be like the Yankees, a lot of people will hate them. But there are a lot of teams that really have no chance before the season starts, and as Major League Baseball can tell you, the key to a successful league is competitive balance, and the illusion every team has a chance at the title.

6. As for the Knicks, they are royally screwed. Amare and only Amare with the rest of this roster (including the players acquired from Golden State for David Lee) is good enough to win about 25 – 30 games. Now Donnie Walsh has the choice: he can sign Mike Miller (ok, he signed with Miami, but you get the point) and Luke Ridnour or wait til next offseason and make a run at Melo, Chris Paul or Tony Parker. I think the latter is better because in the former you acquire players who really aren’t that great, for expensive long-term contracts, and that is not the model for success in the NBA. Getting LeBron was Plan A. It took a long time to formulate, and it failed. Plan B is to be bad for a really long time, but actually keep your draft picks. That may take even longer but it is probably the Knicks only chance to become a legitimate title contender capable of competing with Miami’s new juggernaut.

Song of the Week

"Neighbors Know My Name" - Trey Songz

I Hope Carlos Beltran Was Listening

During the Netherlands-Paraguay match the announcer recounted the recent struggles of Robin Van Persie

"Van Persie is just getting his match sharpness back bit by bit. He missed most of the season for Arsenal with a ruptured ankle ligament which required treatment from a lady who specializes in rubbing horse placenta on the injury in Belgrade. I don't think it shortened the recovery period for Van Persie."

That's Amar'e

The Knicks made the first splash in the historic free agency season of 2010.
The Knicks signed Amare Stoudemire for 5 years and $99.7m. They are obviously hoping the presence of Amare will address their biggest weakness when it comes to recruiting free agents: they have no team. Most other free agent suitors (Bulls, Nets, even Clippers) can boast a few NBA ready players on the roster, the Knicks have no such talent, so perhaps they are trying to use him as bait.
I still think it’s a long-shot to get LeBron , there’s no chance at Wade, Bosh would be redundant, and so would David Lee, so it looks like we’ll have Stoudemire and no one else, at least for now.



And I think at this point maybe they are best off suffering through one more bad season and trying again in free agency next year. Maybe at some point during the season they could trade for Chris Paul if New Orleans becomes convinced they can’t resign him.
Paul and Amare would be a good start to a team, but if D’Antoni couldn’t win with Stoudemire and Nash, what makes you think he can win with Paul and Stoudemire, or Stoudemire and anyone not named LeBron?
I think the Stoudemire signing is a good first step, but I still don’t see them signing LeBron, in which case I still don’t see a positive long-term prognosis for the team.

Where Were You on Christmas?

During her incredibly boring confirmation hearing Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan spiced up the proceedings with some good ethnic humor.
In reference to the underpants bomber Sen. Lindsey Graham asked her where she was on Christmas.



"Like all Jews, I was probably at a Chinese restaurant"

I just wish they hadn't dragged Chuck Schumer into this. I didn't really want the world to know he's one of us.

The Mets' Very Own Roethlisberger

An unfortunate externality of being a sports fan these days is that it’s becoming increasingly necessary to be able to determine whom to believe in a sexual assault case.
The latest unseemly incident involves Johan Santana.
In late October 2009, Johan met a woman who lived near him in the same community. They talked, texted, played tennis and on October 26th they went for a walk. The next night Johan was at the tennis court with his father and uncle. His new lady friend showed up and they went for another walk on the golf course.
This time they stopped on a secluded part of the course near the trees where they could be mostly hidden from view. He grabbed her, put his hand up her shirt, took off her bra and according to her pulled her skirt and panties down as well.
While standing up he penetrated her as she claims she was yelling “please no, not here, not like this.”
Note: this statement leads me to believe that she was willing to have sex with him, she just didn’t want to do it standing up on a golf course like a whore. I had a similar thought about the young girl with Roethlisberger. She was willing to fuck him but not in a bar bathroom.”
While standing up, lifting her leg with his arm and holding her hair with his other hand Johan fucked her for a few minutes until he warned her that he was going to cum. He pulled out and shot it on her leg. She used her underwear to clean up and stuffed the dirty drawers in her bra.
Here’s where the story gets a little hard to believe. She walked with him back to the tennis courts then sat there watching him play tennis with his father. Maybe she was scared or intimidated (not sure if she is married) but it seems unusual for the victim of a crime to remain with the assailant when given an opportunity to get away.
She did go to the police days later which means Johan was compelled to give his side of the story. His is remarkably similar except he says she initiated the sex and even masturbated during it (the old porn star rub?)
Police deemed this a classic he said she said with no way to prove assault.
That sounds familiar and will probably become even more common as slutty girls give athletes almost everything they want and athletes think they can take the rest.

Song of the Week

"Your Love" - Nicki Minaj
Best use of an Annie Lenox sample I've ever heard
Nicki Minaj supposedly was sent here to save rap music. She did beat out Justin Bieber for Best New Artist at the BET Awards

U.R.A. Dickey

Last night's subpar performance against the Marlins may be the beginning of the end for knuckleballer R.A. Dickey.
Through 7 starts Dickey was unbelievable, going 6-0 with a 2.33 ERA. But there's a reason Dickey is a journeyman. Unless he really did figure out his knuckleball and can turn into a Tim Wakefield-type (overall reliable with bad starts sprinkled in), I expect him to regress to his prior level of performance.

His out-of-nowhere mastery reminded me of 2007, when Jorge Sosa (admittedly different because he's not a knuckleballer) went 6-1 with a 2.62 ERA in his first 7 starts for the Mets. Sosa went 1-5 with a 7.00 ERA in his next 7 starts and was demoted to the bullpen.

I fear a similar fate may await Dickey.

The Summer of Knicks Fans' Discontent

Have you ever been looking forward to something? A trip, an event or a present? And when it finally comes, it doesn’t quite materialize the way you hoped. I fear that scenario will play out for Knicks fans this summer. After years of preparing the team, and suffering through losing seasons, the Knicks were poised to cash in on a bumper crop of free agents. Unfortunately I think the Knicks are going to end up very disappointed.

The big prize if of course LeBron James. There aren’t enough celebrity endorsements, Ring Pops (what is the deal with Ring Pops lately?) or lap dances at Scores (though that is an awesome gambit) to get LeBron here. I think there’s at least a 90% chance he will stay in Cleveland. It just makes the most sense, they can pay him the most money, he’s tangentially from there and I think he would like to bring a title to that city. That leaves a small window for Chicago where teamed with Derrick Rose and perhaps another free agent (Chris Bosh?) the Bulls could assemble a Michael/Scottie-esque juggernaut.

Note: I don’t buy the stuff about him not wanting go to Chicago because of the unavoidable comparisons to Michael Jordan. You mean if he wins a few titles and is the best player in the game for some other team they won’t compare him to Michael Jordan? They compared Harold Miner to Jordan for heaven’s sake. He’d have to play for CSKA Moscow to avoid Jordan comparisons. And if he wins 5 titles in Chicago you think that somehow won’t be good enough because Jordan won 6? Asinine.

I’m also leaving a tiny window open for the Nets which would be a complete wild card but they do have some appeal (Jay-Z, Brooklyn) and some young talent (Harris, Lopez and now Favors).

I don’t see the Knicks getting the consolation prize either. I think Dwayne Wade will stay with the Heat, 95% sure of that. Once again small chance he goes to Chicago because he’s from there, but I expect him to stay and try to recruit someone else to come with him.

As for Chris Bosh, he could come to the Knicks, it’s possible if he wants to try to be a #1 guy and lead a team. But I think it’s more likely he’s willing to play second fiddle to LeBron, Wade or Rose (if LeBron stays).

I think the Knicks will end up with Joe Johnson and Carlos Boozer. If that’s the case I’d rather re-sign David Lee and take our chances once again next year once Eddy Curry’s money comes off the books.

If you think I’m wrong and you’re so smart won’t you join me in the ESPN.com Free Agency Predictor game. As always our group is called The Poop. You must sign up by Wednesday before midnight.

Patriotism Pays

On the way out of Vegas for the Conch's bachelor party I stopped by the sportsbook to pick up some long-term wagers to make this summer's sporting events more fun. My bet-with-your-heart wager on the USA to win group C pays off to the tune of 2.5 to 1. Not bad.

Landon Donovan Wants His Hot Wife Back

Pretty much the only reason a man does anything is because he hopes it will impress a girl. A hot girl he hopes to sleep with.
Such was surely the case for Landon Donovan who is a talented soccer player but kind of dorky in appearance and especially voice.
It should come as no surprise then than as soon as Donovan buried that shot in the back of the net to beat Algeria, he began thinking of a way to use it to get his hot wife back.
It especially came as no surprise to me because I didn't even know that he had split with Bianca Kajlich, the hottie from Rules of Engagement.
As Reissberg was informing me that they split (married in 2006, split in 2009, but divorce is not official), Donovan was on TV giving an interview, skip forward to see how it ends.



"Hi Bianca"
And now there are reports that this ploy worked. Bianca was so impressed that he was thinking of her at this important moment that she wants him back.
I hope these two kids rekindle their lost love.

Where Did I Leave My Phone?

A Paraguay fan nervously watches the game while everyone else watches her.

Why Adolf Hitler is a Hot Topic Today

I was more than a little distressed this morning when I saw the trending topics on yahoo.com. There in the number two spot was Adolf Hitler.
Turns out there is Hitler news. How does a guy who died 65 years ago make news?

Adolf Hitler, while in jail, asked Mercedes-Benz for a loan to buy one of their limousines until his royalties for "Mein Kampf" came through, a letter shows.
Hitler wrote the letter in 1924 while imprisoned for his role in Nazi party's failed attempt to seize power in Munich, Germany.
While in jail, Hitler wrote "Mein Kampf," his blueprint for eventually taking power in Germany. In a letter to a Munich Mercedes-Benz dealer, he requested a loan against expected royalties from the book.
"But the hardest thing for me at the moment lies in the fact that the biggest payment for my work is not expected until the middle of December," the September 1924 letter said.
"So I am compelled to ask for a loan or an advance. Naturally something in the order of several thousand marks would be a big help."
Hitler was released in December 1924. It is unknown whether the Munich dealership did any business with him.
The letter was found at a flea market and authenticated by the Bavarian State Archive in Munich.
It is expected to bring several thousand dollars when it is auctioned in July.

And isn't that the most disturbing part? Someone is going to pay thousands of dollars for this. I think the Holocaust Museum in DC should buy it then charge $5 to watch the bonfire in which they burn it.

Sue Everybody

Lauren Rosenberg is suing Google for more than $100,000 because she was hit by a car.
What does this have to do with Google?
Rosenberg is from Los Angeles, while visiting Utah she used Google maps for walking directions. She says Google provided unsafe directions.
Google Maps led her to walk on a busy road without sidewalks that was "not reasonably safe for pedestrians."
She claims she was led onto a busy highway and hit by a car "as a direct and proximate cause of defendant Google's careless, reckless and negligent providing of unsafe directions.”
Rosenberg is seeking compensation for unspecified "severe" injuries and lost wages in addition to punitive damages.
The court papers didn't explain why Rosenberg walked along state Route 224 instead of choosing streets with sidewalks.
On its version for computers, Google Maps suggests one alternative for Rosenberg's route. It also highlights a disclaimer: "Use caution -- This route may be missing sidewalks or pedestrian paths."
The mobile version of Google Maps, however, does not come with that warning.

Song of the Week

"All I Ever Think About" - Chrisette Michele

Broken Dishes

This is hot and you will not hear me say otherwise.

What's the Capital of Thailand?

A new form of bullying is sweeping playgrounds across this great nation: sack-tapping.
That’s right, kids are hitting each other in the plums and calling it a game.
14-year-old David Gibbons of Crosby, Minn., had to have his right testicle amputated from being sack tapped in the hallway between classes.
The main reason this game continues, what teen boy wants to fess up to being a victim of a prank involving their genitals?
Once a few aggressive or deviant individuals start engaging in a practice like sack tapping, it can quickly come to seem normal, drawing in other boys who want to feel like part of the majority.

Shit My Dad Says

A few months ago the Concierge directed me to a somewhat entertaining Twitter user, @shitmydadsays.
The premise: a guy’s dad says funny things.
I looked at it, laughed and never thought about it again because I didn’t think there was a legitimate father behind these remarks.
But shit my dad says has now become an phenomenon. It’s a best-selling book, and come this fall it will be a sitcom on CBS with William Shatner playing my dad.
And even though it will be spelled “$#*! My Dad Says” and pronounced “(bleep) my dad says” the Parents Television Council is threatening to challenge the broadcast licenses of CBS affiliates over the name.
Tim Winter, president of the Los Angeles-based organization, said he was aware that CBS was developing a series based on the Twitter sensation, but "we couldn't imagine that a network would actually name a program either with an expletive or with the expletive ostensibly bleeped out.
He said he was concerned about parents confronted by promotions for the series when they are watching television with their children.
"It will in no way be indecent and will adhere to all CBS standards," spokesman Phil Gonzales said. "Parents who choose to do so will find the show can easily be blocked using their V Chip."
My dad even responded to the controversy in a tweet:

I Am a Fashion Trendsetter

For years I have pioneered the socks and sandals trend thanks to my unusually sweaty feet. Now the fashion glitterati are catching on. Celebrities have been seen donning the fashionable, yet sensible look and models even rock the socks at runway shows.
The New York Post had two of its fashion editors go toe-to-toe on the issue.

Graveyards Are Where Dead People Live

Coca-Cola is introducing a new high-tech soda fountain that will let users mix up 104 different drinks, creating inventions such as Caffeine-Free Diet Raspberry Coke.
Coke's new Freestyle machine is housed in a curved metal shell created by the designers of Ferrari race cars, and features a touch-screen menu. Inside, technology common in measuring tiny doses of chemotherapy drugs is used to release digitally-controlled amounts of concentrate flavor from dozens of plastic cartridges.



Here's how it works: A regular soda fountain combines carbonated water and flavored syrup in a mixing chamber, and pours the mixed drink out through a designated spigot. But the Freestyle has just one nozzle. The machine pours carbonated water through the center of the nozzle, then shoots streams of flavor into the falling water, such as lime oil and Diet Coke syrup, so that the drink is mixed in the air.

Coke has filed for 34 patents on the Freestyle (that's for you Conch), but says the most important was for its so-called Perfect Pour technology, the spout that keeps one customer's Sprite with Grape from tasting like the last person's Pibb Xtra.

But the Freestyle's complicated technology and expense — Coke charges 30% more for it than traditional fountains — have slowed its way into stores. Five years after the company began developing the Freestyle, it's still only in tests in a handful of stores.

Song of the Week

"California Gurls" - Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg
So many reasons to hate this song
1) It's by Katy Perry
2) It's another attempt by her to get her songs in ads by the local tourism board. She got Vegas, now California, next a horrible song about the "concrete jungle where dreams are made of." Oh wait, that horrible song is already out there.
3) Girls is spelled with an U instead of an I, further contributing to popular music's deleterious effect on grammar in our society.
4) For those of you who thought MTV doesn't show music videos anymore, on my on-screen program guide 8:00 to 8:04 last night was carved out to show this video. They show one video and it's this one? (Note: it was the premiere because I don't see the video on youtube yet.)
5) Snoop's horrible verse which includes a line stolen from Vince's Slap Chop commercial (2:30 in)
6) A crude reference to the premature evacuation. "Sun-kissed skin so hot, will melt your popsicle"

Katy Perry - New Music - More Music Videos

What Do You Give Me For? Rick Levanthal and Carl Spackler

What do you give me for Fox News Correspondent Rich Levanthal (reporting from Afghanistan) and Carl Spackler (Bill Murray in "Caddyshack")?

No More BackYarns for Chase

Toddlers who watch too much TV may struggle in school later, with measurably lower scores in math, and they may get bullied more than other children.
And those children who watch more TV at age 2 weigh more by the time they were 10 and they eat more snacks and soft drinks.
Children who spend more time watching TV and less time playing with other kids may lose valuable chances to learn social skills.
The researchers started with more than 2,000 children taking part in a larger study. Their parents reported how much TV the children watched at 2-1/2 and later at 4-1/2 year old.
They checked with the children's teachers and doctors when the subjects were 10.
Every additional weekly hour of television at 29 months corresponded to a 7 percent drop in classroom attention and a 6 percent drop in math skills, the researchers found.
An hour more TV a week as a toddler meant a child was 10 percent more likely to be bullied, exercised 13 percent less, weighed 5 percent more and ate 10 percent more snacks, they found.



As always with these studies I think they discover a false cause-and-effect. It's not the television watching that leads to these things. Whatever is leading to the high rate of television watching is also leading to the weight gain, the bullying, etc. It's parents who aren't as invovled as they should be.

And I know how tempting it is to just plop the kid in front of the TV all day. Chase will not sit still for 10 seconds, but somehow he can watch Cars for 2 hours without moving. At least with The Backyardigans he gets up and runs around the room during "Racing Day."

What Really Happened

Here’s what really happened the night Ben Roethlisberger had his bathroom encounter with a 20-year-old college girl. Thanks to evidence released by the prosecutor we now have a better understanding. But first you have to understand the mindset of the two individuals involved.
First is a professional athlete who is rich, successful and obviously feels like he can have any woman at any time.
Then you have a 20-year-old college student, perhaps a little insecure about her weight (140 lbs) and totally starstruck by the big NFL star visiting her tiny little college town. She might also have been a little slutty, based on the nametag she was wearing when she first met Roethlisberger.
It said “DTF,” which stands for “Down to Fuck.” Roethlisberger told her “I’m into fucking girls” when he saw her name tag.
There was obviously a mutual interest because the two groups ended up at three different bars together, I think she followed him to the second one and thinking he was going to get some, he followed her friends to the third.
At the last bar, The Capital, Roethiseberger got a back VIP room and invited the girls. He bought them a bunch of shots and said “All my bitches, take some shots.”
After she was sufficiently drunk Roethlisberger’s bodyguard escorted her by the arm to a hallway and told her to sit on a stool and wait there.
When Roethlisberger approached her (with his penis already out of his pants) she bolted for the first door she saw. Unfortunately this was the bathroom. Roethisberger might have taken this as a sign she was inviting him in, and he followed her.
Here’s where the accuser’s story gets a little fuzzy, and the reason prosecutors didn’t press charges. Her story is pretty detailed up until this point when she abruptly says “and then he had sex with me.” She says he penetrated her (no condom) but she can’t recall what position they were in. Was she bent over, or forced up against the wall? And the cop didn’t ask what happened to her underwear, though I’m sure she didn’t know.
She says she told him the entire time “this isn’t ok, we can’t do this” but she never fought him off, never screamed and was so drunk and flustered she couldn’t even recount enough of the assault to convince the police to press charges.
But to me it’s clear Roethlisberger raped her, but she did so many things to put herself in a dangerous position, which allowed her rapist to get away with it.

Better Goring?

Which gore photo is better (more stomach-turning)?
Bullfighter Julio Aparicio getting gored in the mouth



Or some guy running with the bulls and getting gored in the leg?

Battle of the Bands

"Hey, Soul Sister" - Train



"Soul Sista" - Bilal

Word You Need To Know For the World Cup

This is a vuvuzela (voo-voo-zell-uh).



It's a plastic horn common in South Africa. If you want to know what one sounds like turn on any World Cup game at any time. The fans are blowing them constantly. It sounds like swarm of angry bees is coming out of your TV and into your ear.

Another Angry Mets Fan

Frustrated with the lack of run support for Johan Santana Lady Gaga -- who took in the game while swilling beer and wearing a bikini -- gives the Mets offense the finger during the first game of the doubleheader against the San Diego Padres.

Deja Vu All Over Again

In honor of Mrs. Poop's birthday, I present to you Mona, a beagle mix who earlier this year was the Adoptable Pet of the Game at a minor league Northwest Arkansas Naturals game.

Dog Poops on Field During Naturals Game @ Yahoo! Video

That reminds me of another famous poop on the field incident.

At least those dogs were housebroken. They saw an open patch of grass and did their business. This dog on Regis and Kelly with special guest Beth Ostrosky Stern sees simulated grass and watch what happens:

Joy and Wonder in the Eyes of a Small Child

A mesmerized Chase on the ferris wheel at Toys R Us in Times Square.

My Italian Googleganger

A couple years ago I brought a cool new word to the vernacular Googleganger. Now I have found my Italian Googleganger, just add an O to the end of my first and last name.



Of all the professions in the world, Paulo Amino has to specialize in male sexual dysfunction.

Song of the Week

"Waka Waka" - Shakira
The official song of the 2010 World Cup

Embarrassing Moment For Mello Yello

Due to my new schedule and the lack of trains running at 3 in the morning I’ve begun driving into Manhattan. On the way out of town at about noon one day, a guy knocks on my window as I am waiting at the light and directs my attention to someone on the curb trying to flag me down.
I roll down my window and the guy asks “taxi?”
I say no and roll my window up when I notice the guys in the car next to me laughing hysterically.
Are all yellow cars taxis? There is no billboard or number on top of Mello Yello, no medallion on the hood, no price list on the door. Yet some idiot has to hurt my car’s feelings just because she’s yellow.

What Do You Give Me For? Ali Velshi and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

What do you give me for CNN anchor Ali Velshi and Muppet and Beaker's lab partner, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew?