Contrasting Styles

Chase and Julian have the same parents. They have grown up in the same house with the same rules. Yet somehow nature and nurture have turned them into two completely different kids.
Chase is shier, eager to please and sensitive. Julian is a bull who doesn't give a fuck.
Chase is quiet, Julian is loud.
Chase has brown hair and brown eyes. Julian is blonde with blue eyes.
Chase is small (though this is a more recent development), Julian is a giant among 4-year olds.
When Chase falls down (such as on the way to the school dance) he cries for a long time (30 minutes in the school dance incident). When Julian falls down, he says "I'm ok" before he even hits the ground. Once he said "I'm ok" before assessing the situation, and after a few seconds of silence he realized that he wasn't ok, and he started to cry.

Mrs. Poop gave them pennies to throw into a fountain. Later they told us what they wished for. Chase wished for a modest $28 toy. Julian wished that there would be no more rules.

In one incident Julian got his finger stuck under the booster seat attached to his chair. He very calmly told me his finger was stuck. Too calmly. I didn't act with necessary urgency. When I got his finger unstuck and he saw it was cut and red, he cried hysterically. Chase gave him a toy to make him feel better.

My favorite story about Chase's easy-going nature is from Tali's birthday party several years ago. A man was giving the kids temporary tattoos. Each time he warned the children that the water would be very cold. Chase replied "I love cold water." Now, I'm not saying Juju would have decked the guy, but he certainly wouldn't have been as accepting of freezing cold water on his arm.

I could go on forever about the differences between them (which in general are great, I am glad they are unique and distinct individuals) but I think I will leave it here.

This is a picture of Chase being scared on a roller-coaster.

And this is a picture of Julian being scared on a roller-coaster.

Song of the Week

"Latch" - Disclosure featuring Sam Smith

What a Coincidence

It just so happens that in Derek Jeter's last game at Yankee Stadium he hit a walkoff single to give the Yankees a 6-5 win.
In an even further coincidence, the Yankees had a 5-2 lead entering the 9th and somehow David Robertson gave up 2 home runs to knot the game at 5-5 entering the 9th, with Jeter due up third.
Evan Meek gave up a single, Brett Gardner bunted the runner to second, and then Jeter came through.
In the annals of faux achievements, this has to rank third.
First, Nykesha Sales limping out on the court on crutches to make one basket and set UConn's all-time points record.
Then comes Michael Strahan's sack record, when Brett Favre took a dive for his buddy.



Then comes this. The game meant nothing to either team, but I can't be sure the Orioles were in on it. Maybe the Yankees just decided to allow 3 runs to give Jeter a chance at something.
I'm not sure, but I know there is no way all these things could have "just happened" not even for someone with as many "intangibles" as Jeter.

Postseason Predictions

AL Wild Card: Oakland over Kansas City
Division Series: Los Angeles Angels over Oakland, Detroit over Baltimore
Championship Series: Los Angeles Angels over Detroit

NL Wild Card: San Francisco over Pittsburgh
Division Series: Washington over San Francisco, Los Angeles Dodgers over St. Louis
Championship Series: Washington over Los Angeles Dodgers

World Series: Los Angeles Angels over Washington

Weekly Picks

Finally got off the schneid last week with a 5 -- and a best bet! -- but I've gotta put 2 or 3 good weeks together and I don't feel confident this week. Certainly nothing as gimme as Colts vs Jags last week.

jacksonville +13 SAN DIEGO
They can't get blowed out in every game, can they?

atlanta -3 MINNESOTA
I still have a soft spot for Atlanta though I can't been picking them at the right times so far this year.

philadelphia +5 SAN FRANCISCO
This looks like a lot of points to give a team that looks unstoppable on offense, especially against a Niners team that hasn't shown much so far this year. If I were drafting a team from scratch and my QB choices were Nick Foles and Colin Kaepernick, I would pick Foles.

new orleans -3 DALLAS
They're not going to get another miracle this week. Dallas is still a bad team even though they've won two in a row.

BEST BET
new england -3 KANSAS CITY
I still have a lot of faith in the Patriots not to lose games against bad teams.

Last Week: 4-1 (5 points)
Season: 9-6 (8 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (1-2)
Home Favorites: 2-1 (3-4)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-1)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (2-0)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (4-1)

Song of the Week

"I Wanna Be Rich" - Calloway

Weekly Picks

Followed up my disappointing start with another bad week in which I lost two close games (Green Bay and Indy) and of course, my best bet (Atlanta), But I feel a little heartened in that I correctly identified a trend 0-1 teams vs 1-0 teams that managed to work in most cases. Sticking with a similar philosophy this week and hoping for better results.

NEW ORLEANS -10 1/2 minnesota
I hate picking against a team that has some intangible thing like this Adrian Peterson deal hanging over its head because people make way too big a deal out of it when it really has no meaning. But I can't see the Saints falling to 0-3, so I will just hope they can hang a big number on the Vikes.

SEATTLE -4 1/2 denver
I feel very ambivalent about this game but the Seahawks lost last week, they're at home and I don't believe the Broncos have something to prove.

MIAMI -3 1/2 kansas city
Miami laid a stinker in Buffalo last week but I expect them to rebound against a Chiefs team I don't think is very good.

chicago +2 1/2 NEW YORK JETS
I wanted to throw one underdog into the mix and wanted it to be one I felt had a good shot of winning the game outright.

BEST BET
indianapolis -7 1/2 JACKSONVILLE
I really believe that Andrew Luck is going to be the next great NFL QB, but he's started the season with two tough losses. I expect the Colts to rebound in a big way against a really bad Jacksonville team.

Last Week: 2-3 (1 point)
Season: 5-5 (3 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (0-2)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (1-3)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-1)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (1-0)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (3-1)

A Few Random Thoughts

I figuratively cut the cheese while literally cutting the cheese. Strange but true.

I was taking Chase to the bathroom before his tae kwon do banquet started. One of his friends wanted to come with us. But he was with his mom and she told him he had to go to the ladies' room with her, I almost said "don't worry, I'll watch him" but thankfully I stopped myself.

At the same tae kwon do banquet, there was a self-defense demonstration. One man in a blue ghi fended off four "attackers" wearing black. Julian screamed out "he killed all the black guys."

If there are too many female main characters in TV, movies and books could you call that a "heroine overdose?"

Lolo Jones got kicked off "Dancing with the Stars" before she could completely disprove the stereotype that all black people are good dancers.

Words Mrs. Poop never thought she would have to say: "don't pee on your brother!" She did have to say them. But she was too late.

Jameis Winston, Finally Punished

Jameis Winston is a good quarterback. Jameis Winston never gets punished for the bad things he does. These things are not unrelated.
Jameis Winston sexually assaulted a girl, stole soda from Burger King (drinking out of ketchup cup), stole food from a grocery store, and fired BB guns on campus breaking windows of the complex where he lived.
Winston avoided any real punishment for any of these incidents.
But now he has gotten his comeuppance. For what?
Let me first start with a video (NSFW language, ok with headphones):



That is a fake video, purportedly of a reporter working a missing person story saying when they find the woman that he will "fuck her right in the pussy."
Harmful, mildly funny, if juvenile, internet video.
As those things tend to do, it went somewhat viral and became a meme.
A meme Jameis Winston must have found funny.
He stood on a table in the middle of the Florida State student union and shouted "fuck her right in the pussy."
Florida State has reached its breaking point. They could take no more of Winston's behavior. He had to be punished and punished severely and swiftly. Florida has suspended him for one half, that's 30 minutes of football time, of Saturday's game against Clemson.

Now I suppose it's possible that FSU could get down big to Clemson early and lose the game, costing them a national title and him a second Heisman.
But more likely FSU will make the new playoff, even with a loss, and if he plays well enough in the other games he has a good chance to become only the second player to win 2 Heismans.
And he will do it while knowing that nothing he does wrong ever has serious repercussions.

Haven't we recently seen the downside of this entitle attitude from athletes manifest itself in the despicable actions of Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and to a lesser degree Dwight Howard (27 traffic violations).

For his part, Winston seemed contrite in his apology, and didn't try to lie his way out of it. Maybe he is growing up.

Song of the Week

"Flawless - Remix" - Beyonce featuring Nicki Minaj
This is not an endorsement of this song. I think it is kind of bad, but good compared to most of the shit Nicki Minaj puts out there.
The reason it gets SOTW treatment is because of the sample at 2:06. Yes, that's right, the amazing riff from "SpottieOttieDopaliscious" (SOTW, 11/11/09).

Quarterback Controversy

The Redskins may soon have a full-blown controversy on their hands.
Robert Griffin III is going miss at least 6 weeks after injuring his ankle against the Jaguars.

Complicating matters even more, Kirk Cousins came and performed great in relief, completing 22 of 33 passes for 250 yards and 2 touchdowns, and setting up 2 other touchdown drives (converted by Alfred Morris).

Note: the last drive, capped by a Silas Redd TD was meaningless though some team with running back issues should offer the Redskins a pick for Redd. He looks fast and strong.

Complicating matters even further is that RGIII has not shown enough (hardly any) progress to believe that he is going to develop into the quarterback the Redskins hoped he would be when they used the second pick in the draft to select him.

Scenario #1: Cousins plays the next 6-8 games as well as he did yesterday. If so, he would be a serious contender for league MVP.
Scenario #2: Cousins has some good games and some bad games. He makes some good plays and some bad plays. The Redskins win some and lose some.
Scenario #3: Cousins plays poorly, throws more touchdown than interceptions and the team loses almost every game he starts.

Scenarios #1 and 3 are easy, it's scenario #2 that's hard. And here's why: After Cousins starts 6-8 games, maybe more, it's going to be hard to bring both quarterbacks back next year for their 4th season.

But unless Cousins is spectacular or even very good, it will be hard to give up on RGIII after one great season and two seasons restricted by injury.

My thoughts: Kirk Cousins has almost zero advantages over RGIII. But he is a more accurate passer, and perhaps more importantly, he seems more willing to "pull the trigger" and throw the ball before mentally confirming the receiver is open. Too often RGIII misses open receivers by waiting an extra half-second. Also, Cousins as yet makes none of the bad decisions that RGIII makes that often lead to penalties, turnovers and injuries.

I think you need to be a star quarterback to win in this league. If you are going to follow the Seahawks model and develop a QB who is a skilled game manager (no QB throws fewer pass attempts than Russell Wilson -- yes, they're winning most of the time), then you need an awesome ball-hawking defense and a solid ground game. Both of which the Redskins might have someday soon.

But if you don't, want you want to win titles you need a star QB. A guy who can make plays and win games on his own. In his only healthy season we saw RGIII do that. I don't think 3 years is enough to permanently write him off as injury-prone or not good enough.

But RGIII had his chance. Now Cousins is getting his.

Weekly Picks

Another disappointing start to the season, getting 60% of the games right but losing my best bet as always. But this week I feel I have found a really good best bet, but who knows about the other games. And remember, I am always on the lookout for good teams that lost in Week 1 and don't want to go 0-2.

new england -4 MINNESOTA
This one seems pretty obvious to me especially without child abuser Adrian Peterson in the backfield. Yes, the Patriots are going to decline at sometime and they looked awful last week. But I think they can still cover this relatively modest spread on the road.

GREEN BAY -7 1/2 new york jets
This is another easy one. The Jets beat a bad team at home. The Packers lost to a good team on the road. The Packers will win this game, my only worry is if somehow the Jets can keep it close.

INDIANAPOLIS -3 philadelphia
I do like the Eagles this year, but they did not play well in the win against Jacksonville last week. The Colts got down really early against Denver and almost came all the way back. Again, I don't expect them to lose at home to fall to 0-2. The question: can they cover? Once again, a modest spread so I will take my chances.

dallas +3 1/2 TENNESSEE
Ok, so the Cowboys looked really bad last week. But a lot of that was turnovers, which are often bad luck. Ok, maybe in last week's game they weren't so much bad luck as bad play. But still, I have a feeling they can keep this close or even get the win on the road.

BEST BET
atlanta +5 1/2 CINCINNATI
Maybe it's my Hard Knocks bias. Or my bounce back bias. But I am expecting big things from the Falcons this year. These two teams are very similar on offense and can both put a lot of points on the board, but I still feel this spread is just too big for a team as good as Atlanta.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 3-2 (2 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (0-1)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (1-1)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (0-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (0-0)
Road Underdogs: 2-0 (2-0)

Song of the Week - Supplemental Reading

If you liked this week's Song of the Week, "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor then you will love the two versions of it done by The Roots on the Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.

First, a rendition by Black Simon and Garfunkel:



Lie, lie, lie, pssshhhhh!

And now, with Meghan Trainor, using only classroom instruments:

Song of the Week

"All About That Bass" - Meghan Trainor
I don't really like this song, but I do enjoy how it celebrates the beauty of fuller-figured women. And this is an interesting way of expressing that sentiment. And I decided to use it now because I surely won't be using in 10 years as a representation of the best music of this era.

A Little Guts Here!

Roger Goodell blew it. How did someone who was heretofore known as "The Law & Order Commissioner" completely botch his handling of the Ray Rice situation. Was he really so afraid of the union response that he felt he could only give Rice the agreement-mandated 2 games.
And how the hell could they have not seen this video before adjudicating the case?



A lot of people don't believe that the league never saw it, but if Goodell did, and then lied and said he hadn't then he's gone and the league takes a bigger image hit than this, Vick and concussions combined.

I really think Rice and his wife Janay met with Goodell, convinced him this had never happened before and never would again. She probably told him that she hit Rice first (partially true) and that he pushed her off him and she hit her head on the railing and that's how she got passed out.

Otherwise I can't understand what the fuck Goodell and the Ravens were thinking with giving only 2 games. If they had given 8, they probably could have avoided this, and they might not have had to take such drastic action after the video's release.

And what the fuck did they think the video was going to show? You saw a woman unconscious on the floor being dragged by her fiance, who seems indifferent to her plight, and he somewhat admitted that he had caused her injury, and it takes the video to prove to you that he knocked her out?

What a series of stupid and arrogant decisions by the league and its commissioner.

That's Much Better

The alternate ending for the final episode of "How I Met Your Mother" to be included on the Season 9 DVD was leaked to the internet.



Isn't that better than the actual ending, even though I didn't really hate it?

Great Teammates

In the great tradition of Dingle-Berry and Short-White-Cox two new teammates have come together, sat together (in the right order) to provide a striking image for fans.

In this case it's Arkansas State football players Jemar Clark and Derion Griswold -- Clark Griswold.

Syracuse Soccer Star's Slurs

Syracuse University soccer player,Hanna Strong, got "Riley Coopered." She's caught on video saying "F-ggot" and "N-gger." We have no other context of the video.


She's been suspended from the team and may face even more punishment as is appropriate in this day and age, you just can't say those words.
It was late at night so she was probably drunk, though that's not an excuse. And as with any video, we don't know what happened before it. What if the camera-holder called a dirty, skanky slut? We also know through research that she's friendly with a lot of black guys. They were with her that night, she knows a lot of black athletes, and is even fucking one.
So she's probably not a racist, more likely, she hears that language and it slipped out at the worst time. She even caught herself and said "n-word" the second time.
My bigger question is about who released the tape? Why would you want to hurt someone in this way, knowing this video would get spread around the internet and ruin her reputation, and perhaps her soccer and educational career.
I hope Ms. Strong speaks for herself, apologizes for her stupid comments and explains the circumstances of that night.
And as always, I hate incidents that cast my beloved alma mater in a negative light.
Oh, and she should add an H to the end of her first name.

Weekly Picks

It's time for another season of lousy picks. But since, I've pretty much stopped following the NFL except for the Redskins, I should probably do great this season.

NEW YORK JETS -4 1/2 oakland
The Raiders are starting a rookie quarterback in his first game, and even though I took a flier on Derek Carr as rookie of the year, I expect growing pains. Plus, the Jets love to get their fans' hopes up, before dashing them. This is a game they should win, and a modest spread.

cincinnati +1 1/2 BALTIMORE
About 2/3 of the time when an underdog covers the spread, it wins the game outright. So I like to pick underdogs I think can win the games. The Bengals are a really good team and this could be the year they break through in the playoffs. Also, the Ravens are without Ray Rice for this game (and 1 other), which could hurt their offense.

DALLAS +3 1/2 san francisco
This pick is based on nothing more than my feeling that this could be a very bad year for San Francisco. Every year some team is a colossal disappointment. I'm pinning that tab on the 49ers and Colin Kaepernick who doesn't seem to be developing the way everyone thought he would after that incredible Super Bowl season.

carolina +3 TAMPA BAY
Cam Newton is hurt, which I believe is the reason this spread moved so much during the week. But they also have a great defense and the ExpensiveCornPrices may be a little too optimistic if they expect Josh McCown to repeat the amazing performance he had last year as a fill-in for the Bears.

BEST BET
CHICAGO -7 buffalo
The Bears could have an awesome offense this year capable of putting a lot of points on the board. The Bills could stink to high heaven. I just worry about the 7-point spread.

NFL Season Predictions

AFC East: New England Patriots
AFC North: Cincinnati Bengals
AFC South: Indianapolis Colts
AFC West Denver Broncos
AFC Wild Cards: Miami Dolphins, Pittsburgh Steelers
AFC Championship: Broncos over Bengals

NFC East: Philadelphia Eagles
NFC North: Chicago Bears
NFC South: Atlanta Falcons
NFC West: Seattle Seahawks
NFC Wild Cards: Green Bay Packers, New Orleans Saints
NFC Championship: Packers over Bears

Super Bowl: Packers over Broncos

Offensive Player of the Year: Aaron Rodgers
Defensive Player of the Year: JJ Watt
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Derek Carr
Defensive Rookie of the Year: JaDaveon Clowney
Comeback Player of the Year: Julio Jones
Coach of the Year: Mike Smith

Song of the Week

"Confession Part II" - Usher
2004 was by far the worst year of any I've done in this little exercise. I wanted to do "Hey Ya" by Outkast but that technically was released at the end of 2003. I think I can pinpoint this as the year when hip-hop turned pop, because some of these songs are so awful.
Anyway, I've always liked Usher and I loved the speculation this song caused as it coincided with his breakup with Chili.

What Do You Give Me For? Zara's Kids Pajamas and A Concentration Camp Uniform

Mexican clothing company Zara came out with an adorable line of baby pajamas they though would recall a sheriff in the Old West. Instead, to many it brought to mind the uniforms the Nazis made the Jews wear in concentration camps in WWII.
So what do you give me for Zara's Kids pajamas and a concentration camp uniform?

I hope this reminds you all of the Hitler Teapot.

Song of the Week

"Stay" - Lisa Loeb
The point of this entire exercise (going back and looking at top songs from 10, 20, 30 years ago) is to remember the time in our lives when this song was popular.
Perhaps no song is more ubiquitous in my memories than this song, which was everywhere in 1994.

Song of the Week

"Time After Time" - Cyndi Lauper
This is a good song for 1984, definitely reminds me of that era 30 years ago. I think it might have been the first video I ever saw on MTV, at a friend's house.
"If you're lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall
I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time."

Song of the Week

"You Make Me Feel Brand New" - The Stylistics
I actually picked a different song because I was sure I had made this an SOTW already. But when I went to confirm I couldn't find it so it must never have happened.
It's long overdue that I give this song, one of my favorites ever, the SOTW treatment it so richly deserves, 40 years after it came out.

A Thin Line Between Genius and Insanity

The death of Robin Williams, while sad actually wasn't all that surprising to me. Someone who is that manic, crazy, etc. is probably living on the edge at all times.
And in truth I don't feel all that badly for him. He had a great life, and if he couldn't beat his personal demons and didn't want to struggle with them anymore, that's his choice. I'm sure his children still love and need him, but they're grown now.
So let's put aside the sadness of his death and remember the humor of his life.
You will see many clips of his movies, but few of you will see, or have ever seen his brilliant standup "Live From the Met" from 1986.
Master Bates had the audio recording on cassette and we loved this part:

What Do You Give Me For? Michael Jackson in the "Thriller" Video and Razor's Cat

What do you give me for Michael Jackson from the "Thriller" video and Razor's cat?

Baseball is Poop

Hall of Shame
There is a glaring grammatical error on Greg Maddux's Hall of Fame Plaque. The line reads "only hurtler with 300 wins, 3,000 strikeouts and less than 1,000 walks."
It's fewer. FEWER! How many times do I have to tell you? When something can be counted individually you use fewer. Less is for things that can't be counted, like intelligence. The guy who did this plaque has less intelligence than Les Miles's parents.
The Hall of Fame absolutely needs to redo this plaque and display a grammatically correct version for generations of baseball fans to see.

15,000 Rockies Fans Can't Be Wrong
The Rockies had Troy Tulowitzki jersey night and gave out 15,000 shirts with his name on the back. Only it was spelled incorrectly.

Fans can come to a game in September and trade their jersey for one with his name spelled correctly, at which point he may not even be on the team anymore.

Finally a Ballplayer Who Lives Up To His Name
Reds pitcher Jumbo Diaz is listed at 6'4" and 315 pounds. That's believed to be the highest weight ever for a baseball player. His real name is Jose, but he got the nickname Jumbo because he weighs 315 pounds.

There's Hope for Jumbo Diaz
Former National and Tiger (among other things) Dmitri Young is half the man he used to be. Well not quite, but Young has lost 85 pounds from his 2008 listed weight of 290 to his current weight of 205.
He says a doctor told him to lose weight so he started doing cardio, and he takes a shot of NovoLog (insulin shot, he has diabetes) before every meal and that explains his weight loss.

Supermodels at Ballgames I
Kate Upton seated behind the dugout at the Tigers game gets a baseball from her boyfriend, Justin Verlander.



Supermodels at Ballgames II
Chrissy Teigen threw out the first pitch at the Dodgers game. It actually wasn't a bad throw, it did bounce, but at least she threw from the mound.
She was wearing a "40 Nugz" jersey because when she gets drunk she goes to McDonald's and orders...40 Nugz.

Song of the Week

"Bread and Butter" - The Newbeats
I can't believe it's been 50 years since this pop classic took the music world by storm. I'm even more surprised that it has never been an SOTW before.
Were these guys midgets? They look very short to me.

Don't Anger Hunter Pence

Some creative (vindictive?) Mets fan decided to taunt Hunter Pence when the Giants came to town.
They came to the ballpark with a bunch of creative signs:

"Hunter Pence Puts Ketchup On His Hot Dog"

I prefer to eat my dogs plain. But if I had to use a condiment I would much prefer ketchup to mustard.

Insult rating (on the Don Rickles scale):

"Hunter Pence Eats Pizza With a Fork"

This is a more serious one, but it's worse for the Mayor of New York City than it is for an outfielder from Texas

Insult rating:

"Hunter Pence Can't Parallel Park"

Not funny.

Insult Rating:

"Hunter Pence Likes Godfather 3"

Probably the worst thing you can say about a person's character and judgment.

Insult rating:

But Pence had the last laugh as the Giants won 3 out of 4 and Pence went 6 of 18 with 2 doubles, 2 triples, 2 home runs and 7 RBI for a slash line of .333/.368/1.000.

Not When I Was There

Syracuse University tops Princeton Review's list of Party Schools for 2014.
According to the Princeton Review website, “Schools on the ‘Party Schools’ list are those at which surveyed students’ answers indicated a combination of low personal daily study hours (outside of class), high usages of alcohol and drugs on campus, and high popularity on campus of frats/sororities.”
Legend has it that SU made this list once before in the early-90s which led to a crackdown by the University to avoid this label.
I'm glad to see the school is making a comeback and that the young people who choose to matriculate there are enjoying themselves. But I really thought Greek life was a negative and divisive influence on campus as I detailed in my famous letter to the DO.
I was surprised to see SU ranked #3 of 379 schools in terms of sports scenes. Again, not when I was there. During my time on campus I remember hearing that fewer than 2,000 students had basketball season tickets. A recent run of success, and a National Championship in 2003 (which probably set many current students on the path to SU) certainly have meant a lot for the basketball team, but football, not so much.
But it's nice to see my old alma getting some positive national attention.

Thanks to TON for the suggestion

I'm A Douche

This morning when I went to the bathroom for the first time at work, I couldn't get my dick out. I had put my undershorts on backwards. Didn't feel any different though.

Song of the Week

"Earth Angel" - The Penguins
We're back celebrating great music of days gone by. This classic was a hit 60 years ago. And 30 years after that it was featured in "Back to the Future" as the song that was playing when George and Lorraine kissed and fell in love at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance. And the soundtrack featured a version recorded by Marvin Berry and the Starlighters.

I Once Got Busy in a Burger King Bathroom

A romantic night turned hot and spicy when a couple was caught allegedly having sex on a Chipotle roof in Delaware Saturday.
Michael Suh, 38, and Nicole Germack, 27, were arrested after an officer observed them engaging in sexual intercourse on the front of the roof of the Chipotle restaurant on the 100 block of East Main Street, Newark Police said in a press release.

The officer advised the couple to stop having sex, but they continued for almost 20 seconds, according to authorities.
When they finally stopped, they fled from the roof and into Suh's apartment a few feet away, said police.
The couple was placed under arrest inside the home. Both were released after paying $1,800.
Suh and Germack are facing multiple charges including lewdness and resisting arrest. It was not immediately clear if either had obtained an attorney.

3000 Words

Not only is this a weird picture of Kris Jenner and a giant handbag, there's a girl in the background with her face pressed up against the glass.

This is the picture (from a 1976 edition of National Geographic) that Lorde claims gave her the inspiration for the title and hook of "Royals." (SOTW, 10/23/23)

A row of hearses carries the bodies of the victims of the Malaysia Air Flight 17 attack:

Song of the Week

"Sail" - AWOLNation
Happy Birthday Juice (a few days early)!

The Most Interesting Telephone Pole in the World

Diesel in Maine in 2007:



Diesel in Maine in 2008:


Diesel in Maine in 2009:


Diesel in Maine in 2010:


Diesel in Maine in 2011:

Diesel in Maine in 2012

Diesel in Maine in 2013

Diesel in Maine in 2014:

The Russian Jean Valjean

I experienced a very disturbing situation this weekend, which leads me to question the direction our country is going in, but before I can explain it, you need to understand a little bit about Family Day.
Where I live we are part of a homeowners' association. It is not gated, the houses don't all look the same, but we all pay dues, follow rules and almost all the homes are adjacent to one of the three parks.
The elementary school is located on one of the parks. The neighborhood kids go to school together, then playgroup (half-day summer camp for kids kindergarten-6th grade), they play, swim and work together. This fosters an incredible sense of community. Several people we know grew up there as kids and came back to raise their own families.
One day in summer is called Family Day, it starts in the morning with activities for kids like pony rides, inflatable slides (include a water slide), carnival games (with prizes), spin art and face-painting.
It is a completely open event. The pool is open all day to everyone, IDs are not checked, guest fees are not charged. Everything is paid for by the association. All that we ask is that parents (including residents) buy their children a wristband for $15 for access to all the above mentioned attractions plus cotton candy and sno-cones.
The pony rides and the bigger inflatable slide were manned by employees of the respective companies and they were turning away kids without wristbands.

But the rest of the things, like the bounce house were either unstaffed or done so by residents volunteering (and sacrificing times with their own families).
But there was a sign next to each station making it clear that you needed a wristband but many people just ignored it.
After having to wait for non-payers at several attractions including the bounce house (where I saw one lady, speaking Russian, but clearly telling someone about the wristband policy), I started to get frustrated.

While Chase and Julian were getting their faces painted (by a friendly resident volunteer)

the line was starting to get long. Next on line, in front of 3 paying residents, was a little girl, with her scofflaw mother (the one speaking Russian at the bounce house) nowhere to be found.

I decided to speak up. In my nicest voice I said "sweetie, tell your mommy you need a wristband to get your face painted."

Before I even finished the sentence the little girl shot back "we don't have enough money."

No one is going to turn away a child in this case. And the mother knew that. Which is why she coached the daughter to say it.

There is no way this woman is so poor that she literally had to choose between spending 15 dollars on a wristband and eating that day, she just didn't deem this expenditure worth it, especially because she knew if she plotted it right (found the soft targets, coached her daughter, and stood far away) she could get away with it.
I think she was just trying to get away with something (like the people at Panera who ask for a cup for water and then fill it up with soda) but it represents something more sinister and insidious in our society: the entitlement attitude.

If someone has more money than you, they must have stolen it or cheated you to get it, so are just stealing it back.
And that's what this woman was doing: stealing. This was an immoral act. It is wrong to take something (product or service) without paying for it.
If she truly couldn't afford it then that is sad. But she should have stayed home, that would have been a better lesson for the child than the one she taught her.

For Once, I Agree With Coach Boeheim's Strategy Decision

A Syracuse fan got a huge Jim Boeheim tattoo on his leg.

When reached for comment by ESPN, Boeheim said "I would wear long pants for the rest of my life."

Agreed.

Why Does This Keep Happening To Me?

I try to walk carefully, but I just always manage to kick things and stub my toes in the most gruesome possible ways.
I am currently hobbling around with a severely injured pinky toe on my right foot.
But according to this montage it looks like the most mild of my injuries.

Love Me, Love Me, Say That You Love Me

LeBron James is going back to Cleveland, saying he didn't realize four years ago how important the people of Northeast Ohio were to him.
Many people are viewing this as an admission on his part that he made a mistake four years ago when he chose to leave the Cavs for the Heat.
I think he is making the same mistake this time around, only he's doing it in a better way.
Let me explain: First of all, I am talking only about the decision with a lowercase d. The Decision, the TV special, was a complete disaster and at least he learned that lesson this time around.
But the lesson he didn't learn, is that you can't make people happy by doing what you think they want you to do.
I believe LeBron chose Miami four years ago because he thought that's what people wanted and what he needed. He thought he needed to win championships in order to be considered one of the all-time greats. And he was willing to take less money to do it. And he was right, he won two titles and four conference championships in Miami. But he never got the adulation he wanted and desired, in fact the opposite was true. Even excluding the Decision, people were angry that he abandoned his home fans and assembled a super-team.
Upon seeing that his two titles didn't bring him the love respect and adulation he desired LeBron tried to reverse course and go back to Cleveland.
It would be an admirable move, were he really sincere about his intentions. But all he wants is the love. He doesn't really care about the people of Northeast Ohio who felt betrayed by him. He just wants people to stop saying bad things about him.
Well, it's not going to work.
There are always going to be haters and being a person of prominence, they're always going to attack everything he does.
But if he really wants to turn those of us who are mostly agnostic to him (love his play, ambivalent about his personality) he should be less concerned with what we think and more concerned with winning those titles for the people of Cleveland.

Song of the Week

"Magnet and Steel" - Walter Egan

The Smartest Man in Music

In the nearly 30 years since Weird Al Yankovic recorded "Dare to Be Stupid" so many people took his advice that now it's hard to find people who are willing to be smart.
Which is why his latest single, "Word Crimes," strikes a chord with me. He takes on all those stupid grammar mistakes that people make on the internet and claim they made them just to save space or because they were typing quickly, or on a phone but you know they just don't know anything about proper English.



This is probably one of my favorite suggestions in the history of The Poop, because I loved Weird Al, I love grammar and because this video is so new it's still stuck in 301+ views purgatory.

Thanks to Razor for bringing this song into my life.

Weird Al also recently released a parody of "Happy" called "Tacky" but I won't link to it because he makes fun of sandals with socks.

What Do You Give Me For? Sean Dempsey and Johnny Galecki

What do you give me for the 27th place finisher in the 2014 World Series of Poker Main Event Sean Dempsey and Big Bang Theory's Johnny Galecki?

Note: I couldn't find a good picture of Johnny Galecki to really make this work. As Leonard Hofstadter he has the glasses but not the beard, as himself he has had a beard, but not the glasses. But if you cover the picture on the right I'd bet your mental picture of Johnny Galecki is closer to Dempsey than the one I found on Google images.

Song of the Week

"Rude" - Magic!
I've been posting a lot of pop songs lately. I promise to rectify that.

Fat Yankees Fan Sleeps, Sues

Andrew Rector was caught on camera sleeping in the stands during a Red Sox-Yankees game at Yankee Stadium:



Now Rector is suing ESPN, MLB and Dan Shulman and John Kruk because the announcers made fun of him. The lawsuit says the "unending verbal crusade against" Rector caused him “substantial injury” to his “character and reputation,” as well as “mental anguish, loss of future income and loss of earning capacity.”

The lawsuit doesn't even look as if it was prepared by a real lawyer, it's full of typos misspellings and failed attempts to sound intelligent.

Fact is, calling the guy "oblivious," wondering if he missed the Beltran homer and gently joking about his weight (by asking Kruk if they are related) are totally legitimate things for the announcers to do.

His other allegations that they called him confused and unintelligent just aren't true. But if they had said those things, they'd be right.

Poker pro Vanessa Selbst got caught on camera sleeping at a Montreal Canadiens game but you don't see her filing frivolous lawsuits.

Song of the Week

"Am I Wrong?" - Nico & Vinz

I Have an Eye for Talent

6 years ago I spotted a hottie on "Red Eye" telling a story about summer camp and 2600 people visited the Poop hoping to hear about Anna Gilligan's naked summer camp (though the videos have been deleted from youtube).
Well now I have something even better for you, Anna Gilligan in a bikini and creepy Greg Kelly ogling her.



In Kelly's defense, she did look smoking. And that was clearly the desired reaction. She didn't pick that bikini by accident. And she didn't starve herself for two weeks and take a laxative that morning because she didn't want anyone to notice her body.

Song of the Week

"Move Bitch"
We are moving. I am singing this song while carrying boxes.

Song of the Week

"Love is a House" - Force MDs
My favorite group from Staten Island with their second best song.
But because of what's going on in my life lately (buying a new house), I've been singing this a lot.

Please Don't Read This After Listening to an Uptempo Record

Casey Kasem died today at age 82, after a long struggle with his health and a bitter fight between his kids and his new wife.
Kasem was famous for being radio's dominant national disc jockey, and for being the voice of Shaggy in the Scooby Doo cartoons.

But in the internet age he is best known for this epic meltdown:



I know I posted this 3 years ago as a birthday present to myself but I couldn't immortalize the man without posting it again.
And let it be a lesson to you Poopheads, if you ever do something this funny, I will bring it up again on the day you die.

Finally, Another Movie That Lives Up To Its Name

Here's the trailer for "Dumb and Dumber To" due out in November.



It doesn't look as funny as the original (how could it?) and I don't have high hopes, but I'm certainly willing to give it a chance.

Song of the Week

"I Found Lovin" - Fatback Band
The best song from one of the most underrated disco-funk bands of the late-70s.
I can't say for certain but I'm pretty sure your day could use 7 minutes of funk.

Funny or Douchey?

Dan Heimiller won the $1,000 Seniors Event at the World Series of Poker for $627,000. Nothing douchey about that.
He did it while wearing a T-shirt that says "Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!"

Even that, I wouldn't say is douchey.
A long time ago Papa Poop told me about a guy he played blackjack with in Atlantic City. Every time the guy got an ace he said "king of hearts." After 20 times, he finally got the king of hearts and said he called it.
That's what Heimiller does with the shirt. He wears it every single time in the hopes of finally winning?
Is that douchey?

You Knew This Was Coming

Baseball lifer Don Zimmer died this week at age 83. Zimmer played for the famous 1955 Dodgers, and the infamous 1962 Mets. He coached or managed for 40 years after his playing career most famously with the Cubs and Yankees. It was as Joe Torre's bench guru that he got involved in the incident that will stay with him to his grave.
And just to prove it, here is Don Zimmer charging Pedro Martinez in a brawl during the 2003 ALCS, and getting thrown to the ground like a sack of potatoes. An act by the way, for which Pedro deserves no blame.

Song of the Week

"Summer" - Calvin Harris
I predict this jam will be huge this summer.

All That for Kenyon Martin

Lewis Katz, owner of the Philadelphia Inquirer and former owner of the then-New Jersey Nets, died in a plane crash this weekend.
In keeping with The Poop's tradition of memorializing people in death with their silliest moments in life, I present to you Lewis Katz's reaction upon winning the 2000 NBA Draft Lottery.

If Michael Did This He'd Be a Serial Killer

One night in July 2012 Aaron Hernandez was Cure Lounge in Boston. While he stood near the dance floor, Daniel Abreu, dancing nearby, bumped into him, causing him to spill some of his drink. Abreu, who had never met Hernandez, smiled and kept dancing.
Hernandez was livid. At 2:30 a.m. July 16, Hernandez followed the BMW Abreu was driving and fired five shots into the sedan, killing Abreu and his friend Safiro Furtado, according to police.

If everyone in New Jersey behaved liked this there would be zero men aged 21-35 in the entire state. One time Michael had just purchased a $13 vodka and Red Bull and as soon as he turned around some douche danced right into him, spilling at least 11 dollars worth.

Then there was one time Billy was wearing a white shirt, and I don't remember the circumstances but somehow a cranberry juice drink got splattered all over his back. He looked as if he was covered in blood. But it was on his back, so Michael and I just told him that you couldn't even notice.

Not to make light of a serious situation, but it is kind of funny in a macabre way just how fuckin nuts Aaron Hernandez was and probably still is.

Awful First Pitch

The Mets are very excited about the June 14th postgame concert by washed up rapper Curtis Jackson aka 50-Cent.
To promote his appearance they had him throw out the first pitch wearing a Jackson #50 jersey.
Joining the likes of Mariah Carey, Carl Lewis and Mayor Mark Mallory, 50 unleashed this awful pitch.



But I'm giving the crown of worst first pitch ever to Canadian cutie Carley Rae Jepsen

Song of the Week

"Classic" - MKTO
I am sure most of the people who like this song don't even know who Marvin Gaye and Donny Hathaway are.

Better Fake Protest Sign

Sometimes the internets like to have fun with things.
For instance, some clever person photoshopped a sign into the famous Martha Burk-led protests against the Masters. Amidst all the women with signs arguing for gender equity, nestled inconspicuously in the back is a sign that says "Iron My Shirt Bitch."

I e-mail Mrs. Poop that picture every time I need my shirts ironed.

We also have this sign, in a monitor behind Fox anchor Shepard Smith. The banner on the screen reads "Biggest Protest in Canadian History in Progress" and the protester in the monitor is holding up a sign that says "I Am a Little Upset."

Animal Cruelty at CitiField

I went to the Mets game yesterday and came across an unconscionable act of animal cruelty. A dog sitting on a rug, dressedin a Mets shirt and hat, wearing sunglasses and somehow holding a pipe in its mouth.
Most of you know I hate animals in clothes, so just walking by this poor pooch made me uneasy. But I went back and took a picture because I thought I should expose this.

But turns out when I googled this, many people had previously written about this dog, Coffee, not just for the clothes, glass, pipe and the fact that he's forced to perform to raise money for a lazy human who is too stupid to get a real job, but some observers think he was wearing a shock collar which his irresponsible human owner could use to shock him if he got up, or moved.

I really wish PETA would get involved and protest this cruelty, or put enough pressure on the Mets to ban him from the premises. Surely panhandling on private property is grounds for ejection.

Song of the Week

"Fancy" - Iggy Azalea
I'm actually not a big fan of hers, I think she's a white Nikki Minaj.
Which makes me uncomfortable when a white girl comes into a genre dominated by black men and becomes an instant overnight success.
Also, I don't think she's hot. And her boyfriend, Nick Young aka Swaggy P is the biggest douchebag in the NBA.

Time's Up Macklemore

Ironic that a guy who preaches tolerance and acceptance of everyone would be an anti-Semite.
But that's what happened when Macklemore came out for a performance in a disguise, big nose, bushy beard very similar to offensive caricatures of Jews used by the Nazis and others.

And just by pure coincidence he wore this get-up while singing Thrift Shop, a song about going to such great lengths to get a bargain that you will sleep on sheets that smell like piss.

Once he realized his mistake, he quickly apologized. Oh no, wait he didn't, he blamed the beholder.

"Some people there thought I looked like Ringo, some Abe Lincoln. If anything I thought I looked like Humpty Hump with a bowl cut....I wasn’t attempting to mimic any culture, nor resemble one. A 'Jewish stereotype' never crossed my mind."
He said it was "surprising and disappointing" that the disguise was slammed as anti-Semitic.
"I acknowledge how the costume could, within a context of stereotyping, be ascribed to a Jewish caricature," Macklemore wrote. "I am here to say that it was absolutely not my intention."
And when he got called out by courageous famous Jews like Seth Rogen he responded with ""A fake witches nose, wig, and beard = random costume. Not my idea of a stereotype of anybody."

I actually think he was trying to dress as Howard Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory.

Good Gracious Ass is Bodacious

Greg Hardy reportedly beat up his girlfriend Nicole Holder.
The couple has been dating on and off since the end of last year and even moved in with each other.
Until the other night when according to the police report "the victim stated she was lying in bed with the defendant and he just snapped. The victim advised the defendant physically threw her into the floor, and then tossed her into the tile bathtub. The victim stated the defendant then slammed her into a futon that had several guns and machine guns lying on it causing her to cut her arm on the end of one of guns."

Why was Hardy so mad?
Holder told the police that when her and Hardy broke up in March she had a "short lived relationship with the entertainer Nelly."
In layterms, she fucked Nelly, one time, maybe twice.

Now, that's certainly not an excuse to beat her ass but I can see how that would be an impediment to their reconciliation.

From this, the only picture of her online, she doesn't look that hot. I guess she just hangs out in the right places (she's supposedly a waitress at some nightclub) and makes herself available. And if the choice is between her and nothing, I guess I would take her.

Headline suggested by Michael.

3000 Words

Ryan Gosling wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Macaulay Culkin on the cover of Life Magazine.

Macaulay Culkin wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Ryan Gosling wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Macaulay Culkin on the cover of Life Magazine.

Ryan Gosling wearing a t-shirt of Macaulay Culkin wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Ryan Gosling wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Macaulay Culkin on the cover of Life Magazine.

Song of the Week

"Waves" - Mr. Probz (Robin Schulz remix)

Jasmine Jordan Graduates

Michael Jordan attended his daughter Jasmine's graduation from Syracuse University over the weekend.
Jasmine was a sports management major in the David B. Falk College of Sport and Human Dynamics.
David B. Falk happens to be Michael Jordan's agent, seated to his right in this picture.

I couldn't find a picture or any information about MJ also attending the Sunday ceremony in the Carrier Dome, only the smaller "college" one on Saturday.

But congratulations to Jasmine. Let's hope she hooked up with CJ Fair and will someday send their prodigious offspring to SU.