NFL is Poop - Week 13

Playoff Picture - AFC
New England, Baltimore, Indianapolis and San Diego will win their divisions. Cincinnati, Jacksonville, New York Jets, Denver and Kansas City all have 7-5 records and two will end up making the playoffs. The Jets will definitely make it because they have the easiest schedule. Jacksonville won't because they have the hardest. The winner of week 16's Cincinnati-Denver game will be the other.

Playoff Picture - NFC
Dallas, Chicago, New Orleans and Seattle will win their divisions. Philadelphia, New York, Atlanta and Carolina all have 6-6 records and two will end up making the playoffs. The Giants and Carolina will be those two because they have the best players. The teams play each other a lot these few weeks, which Philly having games against all three (including Monday's win over Carolina) in the last month.

Urlacher or Briggs?
I used to think Brian Urlacher was the most overrated player in the NFL. I thought that because Lance Briggs is so awesome that Urlacher is able to roam the field and make plays. But I read an article in Sports Illustrated that basically said Urlacher is so good, he changes the way offenses play, and makes all 10 other players much better than they are. Namely, he's one middle linebacker who can keep up with any receiver, back or tight end in the middle of the field, the one weak area of the Cover 2 defense the Bears employ. Because of him, offenses have to look for other ways to attack the Bears, meaning the run into Briggs. Also, opposing QBs have to hold the ball longer because of the good coverage, leading to more sacks by the front line. Then I watched the Bears a couple weeks and saw Briggs make some sick plays. Now I realize both their linebackers are awesome. If you are like me you like Briggs because he is tough. If you are like Bill, you like Urlacher because he is cute and you are gay.

Game of the Week
Dallas Cowboys 23 New York Giants 20
For the second straight week the Giants self-destructed. This time I do blame Kiwanuka. I thought his mistake against the tirans was a result of bad calls by officials affecting him, but this time he fumbled the ball away when the Giants could have taken a comfortable lead. The Giants were also hurt by stupid play-calling, especially in the red zone and undisciplined cheap shots that resulted in 15 yard penalties.

Game to Watch
Baltimore at Kansas City
Both teams are coming off tough losses. The Ravens hold on the division is slipping if they lose this game, while the Chiefs need a win to keep up with the other 7-5 AFC teams. Also an interesting contrast in styles, Baltimore's tough D against Kansas City's running game.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The Redskins took a 14-0 lead, then gave up 24 straight points to a team that has a quarterback who can't throw. Jason Campbell hasn't played poorly but he hasn't set the world on fire like some other first year quarterbacks (Young, Rivers & Romo).

Cheerleader of the Week
JoAnna of the SeaGals. I really like the squad name but their website is horrible. No info on the individual girls. Shameful! But I chose her anyway because the Seahawks beat the Pizza Parlor Dereks this week and masturbating over one of their Gals will be his best chance at revenge.




If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
Dallas 31 San Diego 28
San Diego was winning the whole time until Martyball took over and Dallas scored 2 late TDs to win. But finally some change in this category. The Colts are still good but can't or won't put it all together. This might be the first year they don't peak in the regular season. An impressive win over the Giants gives the Cowboys this spot despite being 2 games behind in the standings. Rex Grossman is killing the Bears.

Make Money Off Kids' Broken Necks

The company that makes those ridiculous shoes with wheels in the heels (Heely's) is going pulic tomorrow. This could be the next Crox or Under Armor.

The World's Most Perfect Food

Mrs. Poop went to her holiday party and sent me this text message "scallops wrapped in bacon."
I was so jealous, but she refused to put some in her purse for me.

What's Forever For?

The true love of Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston could not withstand the hot glare of the nation's eyes. They broke up. No more motorboating for Vince. At least not with her. But if you motorboat with Aniston you could lose an eye.

And even young high profile couples don't survive. While Seth and Summer are going through trying times, things have gotten too tough for Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson.



If these loves can't last forever then tell me, what's forever for?

Don't Give Up, Don't Ever Give Up

The Syracuse-Oklahoma State game was played for a good cause, the V Foundation for Cancer Research.
The Foundation started the night Jim Valvano gave his famous speech at the ESPYs. The speech is not available on YouTube, but you can watch a small clip of it on the above site. You can get a copy of it on DVD with a donation of $30. I just did that because I felt bad that I never did anything productive with the money I receive from the charitable soda machine.

Mike and I are the only two people in the world who make fun of this speech. We always joke about Rocco and Angelina Valvano. "I can't help it. That's being the son of Rocco and Angelina Valvano. It comes with the territory. We hug, we kiss, we love."

Song of the Week

Confessions Part III by Weird Al Yankovic.
The second hit off his newest album "Straight Outta Linwood," it follows on the success of "White and Nerdy."
No video for this yet, so just click the link hit play, then listen while you read the rest of the blog.



"Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat,
I lied yes that dress makes you look fat,
anyway, I shouldn't say anymore until I give you part four of my confessions."

Do These Chips Have Nacho Cheese in Them?

The best part of Syracuse's loss to Oklahoma State came at the very end. A Cowboy dove into the stands for a loose ball and came up with an armful of nacho cheese. They showed the little kid whose chips were violated on ESPN and he was teary-eyed (and wearing an SU hat). They showed him again a few seconds later and his spirits had lifted as he was drinkinga 55-gallon drum of Coke with his dad. Say hello to child obesity.

Syracuse Proves Me Wrong

I really thought the Orange would bounce back from the Wichita State loss with a better performance against Oklahoma State.
SU played pretty well and kept it close for most of the game until a long scoring drought in the second half.
SU went 6:53 without scoring a point, over the course of that time, OSU was credited with 6 steals, most of them on horrible passes by Paul Harris or Josh Wright. And they only took 3 shots. Nearly 7 minutes, and only 3 shot attempts, because they couldn't hold on to the ball long enough to get a shot up.
That said, I was really impressed with the improvements made by Terrence Roberts and Darryl "Mookie" Watkins. Watkins still fouled everybody, and SU still got killed on the boards, but I blame the zone, more than I blame them.
As for Demetris Nichols, he played a great game, but I felt he forced a couple 3 point shots after he made one to cut the lead to 58-52.
Devendorf was sick, and Wright and Harris were terrible. Gorman and Rautins are useless and should never play. Who's Mike Jones?
Btw, Louie McCroskey transferred to Marist. I thought he would lose a year of eligibility and since he'd already played 3 years he'd have none left, but I guess I was wrong.

Anyway, I am disappointed the team lost but I don't think the season is lost. I think SU will be on the fringes of the Top 25 the whole season and depending on late season play could get a middle of the road seed for the tournament.

Tonight's Prediction

I'm not going to make a habit of this but I am going to offer a prediction for tonight's Syracuse - Oklahoma State game. A lot of you say I just predict the Orange to lose every game, then brag when I'm right. Well, actually I predicted all 8 games so far this season correctly. I predicted SU to beat Holy Cross, Knishes and the rest of the patsies. But I expect them to win again tonight. But I fear that Oklahoma State will have a bad season finish 5-11 in the Big XII and not count as a valuable non-conference win for the Orange later in the season.
Is it just me or does it seem like this SU-OSU matchup happens quite often. I remember losing to them in an 8-9 game in the tournament in my junior year (1999), when they had Desmond Mason.
And of course in 2003 we beat them in the second round in the Jeremy McNeil game, when he had 4 blocks (seemingly in a row) to bring SU back from a 25-8 deficit.
The two teams met two years ago in the same Jimmy V Classic and OSU won.
Evidently the two teams played one other time, but I don't remember it.

Taco Hell

Twenty-five cases of E. coli have now been confirmed by the Middlesex County Health Department in New Jersey, and health officials say more are under investigation.
Twenty of the victims fell ill after eating at Taco Bell restaurants in South Plainfield, Edison and Easton.
Officials linked the E. coli outbreak to the Taco Bell franchises after conducting food history studies on 22 of the victims, 20 of whom were confirmed to have eaten at one of those three locations.
On Long Island, eight Taco Bell franchises shut down voluntarily Monday after health officials determined that two of the 14 people sickened there had also recently eaten at Taco Bell.

Why Do We Play?

Staten Island Screwed

International Speedway Corp. scrapped plans Monday to build a track on Staten Island, stalling NASCAR's dream to bring a race to the New York area.
"While we are disappointed that we could not complete the speedway development on Staten Island, our enthusiasm for the metropolitan New York market is in no way dampened," ISC president Lesa France Kennedy said. "We continue to view the region as a prime location for a major motorsports facility."
They badly want to expand NASCAR into the New York metropolitan area, and moved toward that goal in 2004 when a subsidiary of ISC paid about $100 million for a 440-acre former oil tank farm on Staten Island. The company later bought another 236 acres to gain the necessary land for a race track.
The goal was to build a .8-mile state-of-the-art track that would have accommodated 80,000 fans and had the New York City skyline as its backdrop.
But the proposal has been met by severe resistance, including a a hotly contested April public meeting in which tempers reached dangerous levels -- forcing police to end the meeting over safety concerns.
Residents complained of traffic tie-ups and argued that the two major roads leading into the property would likely need major renovations to handle the increased loads.
Environmental concerns were also cited by opponents of the plan.
ISC cited an "inability to secure the critical local political support that is necessary to secure the required land-use change approvals" in ending the Staten Island project. In all, the company said spent about $150 million on the project.
ISC said it may now sell the land, which it believes will be worth more than $100 million and described as the largest undeveloped acreage in the five boroughs of New York City.

I'm very disappointed. I was looking forward to going to my first NASCAR race. And because I believe that New York should be the center for everything good, I regret that this huge sport will still have no presence here. Maybe I'll visit Pizza Parlor Derek and hit the race in Loudon.

Looking for Balance

After years of struggling with blisters, sore red toes and even bleeding toes, I've left my Adidas, Nike and Asics running shoes in the past and decided to go with my first pair of New Balance.
These shoes served me well in their maiden voyage and I hope they will provide me many years of blister free comfort through hundreds of runs in the park with my new shoes and my best friend (not Vabilla, not The Concierge, Diesel!)
I decided that New Balance would be the best for me when I heard the "Fat Man Walking" say New Balance were the most comfortable of all the sneakers he tried.
But I think some of you Poopheads have testified to the comfort of New Balance as well.

Decorations for Our New Sun Porch

Mrs. Poop and I haven't quite figured out how we are going to decorate our newly remodeled sun porch (some of you know this as the beer pong room). Thanks to the fine folks at Fathead, we have our answer. Fathead is featuring 3 Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, including last week's Cheerleader of the week, Becca. For only $149 we will have a 5 foot 2 inch Becca watching us play beer pong next year.

Focks is Furious

Needless to say, Michigan alum Focks, is furious today. He feels his Wolverines deserved another crack at Ohio State in the BCS National Championship game, instead of Florida.
I told him during the SEC Championship that he needed Arkansas to win because if Florida won, they would leapfrog UMich in the BCS standings. He said "I will go back to the hospital if that happens. Put that in the blog."
Well it happened, and here's how:
1) Florida did play a tougher schedule. LSU, Tennessee and Arkansas were all better than anyone UMich beat except for Notre Dame.
2) The SEC has been screwed before, undeservedly. The conference usually has 3 or 4 top teams that knock each other down.
3) The BCS computers had nothing to do with it. The computer rankings for Florida and Michigan were an exact tie.
4) Florida won the coaches' poll. One jerk in the Harris Poll gave Florida a #1 vote over Ohio State. But apparently several voters had Florida #5.
5) Ohio State already beat Michigan. Under my theory of one and done, Florida was more deserving seeing as how they hadn't already lost to OSU.

BUT, I think Michigan is the better team. The one thing we never consider when deciding these things, is which team has the better players. We look at wins, losses, momentum, history, coaches and strength of schedule. But we never say "this team has better players than that team." But that is a subjective measure so we have to rely on which team is more deserving based on resume during the season. And that team is Florida.

I'll leave you with this quote from Focks "Bullshit. Michigan is better than Florida. Vegas had michigan 6 point favorites over Florida if they played. I'm done with college football. It's too shady for me."

Worst Meal Ever

Mrs. Poop and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. The hostess said the wait would be 25-40 minutes so Mrs. Poop went shopping in the mall. So I'm texting and waiting, texting and waiting and I see this couple making out.
When they come up for air I noticed that this couple was DP and Shirael. I talked to them for a little while, heard about DP's illness, and Scat's weakness in Scattegories then my buzzer went off.
So we get our table and we're all the way in the back of the restaurant. So I order a bowl of soup, Mrs. Poop gets these buffalo chicken things, then I see that edemame (the beans we had at Nobu with Juice) is on the menu. So basically before the meal comes I'm already full.
Then a guy I recognize from SU sits at the next table. And his wife was in Mrs. Poop's sorority and she looks about 9 1/2 months pregnant. So we don't know what to do; dodge or say hello. So we dodge until then end of the meal when Mrs. Poop says hello. The pregnant lady pretends not to recognize her, but her husband recognizes me. We chat briefly, wish them well with their baby, and that was that. Sooooooooooooooooooo awkward.

Prepare to be Shocked!

Syracuse will lose to Wichita State.

An Epidemic

More than 600 people have contacted the Onondaga County Health Department to complain of illness contracted after eating at Dinosaur Bar-B-Que.
Officials classified it as an epidemic because it is an "unusually large" number of people reporting the same symptom.
State health officials conducted a number of tests on stool samples (POOP!) of affected customers and on food from the restaurant. Some test results in Friday afternoon have at least preliminarily ruled out bacteria as the cause.
That indicates the cause is likely viral (sounds like an episode of "House"), which means it could be spread through air particles or consuming food that has been exposed to that contaminated air.
Dinosaur closed Thursday for cleaning and will reopen on Monday.
"We're definitely going to open on Monday. And after 20 years in this community, I hope people give us another chance."
Employees spent hours Thursday night discarding hundreds of pounds of prepared foods such as salads, fruit and side dishes, but meats were not discarded because they had not been opened and were not cooked.
Workers also used a disinfectant to sanitize the restaurant areas, including the bar, tables, grills, ventilation system, bathrooms, the kitchen and preparation areas.
Most of the people who reported symptoms to the health department said they ate at the restaurant last weekend - Nov. 24-26.
The symptoms of the illness are primarily vomiting and diarrhea, although a number of people who called with complaints reported abdominal cramps, fever and chills.

Glavine Comes Back

After getting turned down by the Atlanta Braves Tom Glavine has come crawling back to the Mets.
He agreed to a 1 year, $10.5 million contract. Not sure what that means compared to the option they had, because I thought they were supposed to pay him $7.5 million plus $7 million, if they wanted him back.
Glavine has an option for 2008 if he pitches enough innings.
Now the Mets rotation has Pedro (in June), El Duque, Glavine, Maine and Perez. Pelfrey, Humber, etc are also options.
I still would like to see the Mets get Zito but they probably won't be willing to part with $90 million over 6 years to get him.

R.I.P. Flip

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback and noted dog lover Ben Roethlisberger (owner of Hercules and Zeus) will buy a new police dog for his hometown of Findlay, Ohio.
Findlay's previous K-9 officer was shot and killed, when he wandered into a neighbor's yard while offduty. I just don't understand how people say "oh my god a dog is on my property, I'll shoot it." When they catch this guy I hope they give him the death penalty, for shooting a police officer.



Beloved by many in Findlay, Flip was praised for his drug-sniffing abilities, once locating 40 pounds of cocaine in a hidden compartment in a vehicle.

Roethlisberger said, “My dad was trained as a veterinarian and instilled in me a love and respect for animals. This is a good way to combine that passion with a desire to support the police and fire departments.”

Best New Show: As Voted on By Ton's Sister

Back in the early 1990s TON's sister went to Syracuse University and starred in a student film with handsome black man Taye Diggs. The movie was called "Interracial Gang Bangs."
Anyway, Taye Diggs is in a cool new show called "Day Break."
The premise is, Brett Hopper (Diggs) is being framed for murder. Until he can figure out the crime and prove his innocence he is forced to live the same day over and over again.
What I like about the show is, the way the subtle nuances of his day change based on what he did (not getting coffee caused a lady to get hit by a bus) but some things remain the same, such as what hottie Moon Bloodgood says when she wakes up. Although, I think they keep that scene in because they want to have an excuse to show her in her sleeping attire.



The thing I like about Day Break is that it is only a 13 episode season, and there will probably only be 1 season. They realized that a premise like this can't go on indefinitely. It needs a clear end to keep you interested. The problem with 24, and now Lost, is that a good idea was taken too far, and the writers of both shows ran out of good ideas.

If you're not watching Day Break it's not too late too start, and you should definitely give it a chance.

What Happened In There?

ABC has gotten rid of my favorite new show, The Nine. The story about a bank robbery, the ensuing 2-day hostage situation and the effect of it all on the hostages and the robbers was not dramatic enough for today's dumbed down TV audience. 24 gets great ratings because every episode ends with a ridiculous twist and something blowing up.
The Nine gets canceled because it was a story about characters and the mystery was revealed slowly; too slowly according to Mrs. Poop.
Six more episodes were made but never aired and could return at some point, but probably won't. Even if all 13 episodes are eventually released on DVD it's unlikely that we'll ever know what happened in there.

The Brit Pack

Britney Spears has formed an unholy alliance with Lindsay Lohan and her Lohan's former archnemesis, Paris Hilton. The three have recently been spotted hanging out and not wearing panties.



In these NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!! pictures, you can see Britney's naked vagina, and maybe even her C-section scar (sexy!).

We will not however see Britney in a Paris-esque sex tape (not yet) because those rumors about her and K-Fed turned out to be untrue.

A CEO TON Would Love

Interesting interview with the CEO of Seagate Technology, Bill Watkins, in Fortune Magazine.
In describing his company, which makes hard-drives, Watkins says "let's face it, we're not changing the world. We're building a product that helps people buy more crap - and watch porn."
Watkins spends $1.8 million of his company's money every year on Eco Seagate, flying 200 employees to New Zealand every year to do a modified triathlon.
Watkins is a Texas alum, and the writer of the article, Jeffrey O'Brien went to Syracuse. They discussed the 2003 National Semifinal in which Da Cuse beat UT. Watkins said "I lost so much money on that game."

A Convenient Truth

Today is November 30th. It is 65 degrees in my hood and the rest of the NY Metro area. Georgia Derek and Brody are basking in 71 degrees.
Why are we enjoying such great weather? Global warming. So I encourage all of you to use aerosol cans, drive fuel-guzzling cars, buy stuff made at pollutant emitting factories and breathe as much carbon dioxide into the air as possible.
Because it's up to us to keep this warm weather going. We have the power!
So I urge you, get out of your chairs, go outside and enjoy the warm weather. Because only fat turds like Al Gore are sitting in their houses, eating ice cream and worrying about the polar ice caps.
Carpe Diem!

Weekly Picks

I just can't get it together. I went 2-4 last week, dropping me season record to 23-28. I need to start a 33 game winning streak to get to .667. Not gonna happen, but even .500 would be a start. We start with these games:

CINCINNATI BENGALS -3.5 baltimore ravens
Another spread that looks a little too generous to me. But I've gotten burned on a lot of those this season. But I just don't think the Bengals have figured it out yet. I think the Ravens D is good enough to slow down Cincy's offense. Will the Ravens score enough points? I think so.

ST. LOUIS RAMS -6.5 arizona cardinals
Arizona has started playing better since Fitzgerald came back and they almost pulled it off against Minnesota. The Rams were on a 5 game losing streak before beating the 49ers, but not covering the spread. They'll cover this week.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS -7.5 san francisco 49ers
For some reason I am starting to buy into San Francisco. New Orleans defense is not very good. They can score a lot of points but I think the 9ers can keep this one close, within a touchdown.

CLEVELAND BROWNS +3.5 kansas city chiefs
The Chiefs are inconsistent and bad on the road. But I think they are much better than Cleveland and I don't like to take an underdog unless I think they can win. So I'll grudgingly take the Chiefs.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -13.5 detroit lions
I know the spread is huge, but I can't justify choosing the Lions. They suck, so I'll take the Patriots, even though a post-Bears letdown is quite possible.

PITTSBURGH STEELERS -8.5 tampa bay buccaneers
I thought the Steelers were on to something until they got shut out by Baltimore. I thought the Bucs were a "hang-tough" team until they got pasted by the Cowboys on Thanksgiving. Now I don't know what to do, so I'll just take the better team, in this case, the Steelers.

Hoping For the Double

No school has ever won the NCAA football and men's basketball national championships in the same year. I'm hoping The Ohio State University will become the first, this year. They are one game (probably against USC) from winning in football but basketball will be a lot tougher. Though the Buckeyes are already #1 (in one poll), even without injured superstar center Greg Oden, the tournament is always treacherous. But I did pick up this little ticket on the way out of Vegas so I'm hoping Oden lives up to his billing.

Last Year on the Poop

Two ugly strippers got busted at Raymond James Stadium and Melo hurt his ankle.

Me Too

Didn't It Suck? It Sucked!

Bill reminded of my favorite Sportscenter commercial when complaining about Mike Mussina's new contract. What's he, like 45?

AI Does the Right Thing

Philadelphia 76ers star Allen Iverson will pay for the funeral of a man who died three years after he was shot for refusing to hand over his Iverson jersey to a group of teens.
Kevin Johnson died after his family chose to remove his life support. He was 22.
The teen robbers stepped to Johnson on June 24, 2003 as he waited for a train. When he refused their demands to give up the jersey, Johnson was shot in the back of the neck by Robert Ferguson, who is now serving a prison sentence for attempted murder.
The shooting initially left Johnson paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Eventually, Johnson ended up on a ventilator. Last week, the ventilator failed, and Johnson suffered irreparable brain damage. The family chose to take him off it.
Johnson's funeral expenses will be covered by Iverson. He will be buried in Iverson’s No. 3 Sixers jersey.
"If they were that serious about that jersey, I would have given them 100 jerseys if they wanted it," Iverson said. "It was just tough, just to see somebody die for something senseless like that, over a jersey, over something material."

Papa Poop is Pissed

Ever since he was a little boy, Papa Poop rode the Cyclone at Astroland amusement park in Coney Island.
Astroland was sold by the Albert family to Thor Equities, and the park will close after next summer.
Thor plans to build a $1.5 billion year-round facility there. The neighborhood could probably use the revitalization but it will be sad to see Astroland go.
The Alberts will continue to operate the landmark Cyclone roller-coaster, which turns 80 next year, under an existing agreement with the city.
Thor's plans include a mix of amusements and attractions, including a new roller coaster and a new hotel to accommodate the anticipated arrival of new tourists.
The site of the amusement park is renowned for another reason. Local legend has it that restaurateur Charles Feltman invented the hot dog there in 1874.

As Seen on CNN

McDonald's is attempting to patent a method and apparatus for making sandwiches.

First you put your garnishes in the apparatus (as yet unnamed, I believe). In this drawing I think we are using tomatoes and bacon.



Once you have added the garnishes, you place the bread on top of the apparatus. While holding the bread, invert the apparatus.



Remove apparatus, fold sandwich, insert into mouth, eat.

Dogg Collared Again

Snoop Dogg can't stay out of trouble. He was arrested again last night on his way home after an appearance on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno."
The charges include possession of a gun, cocaine and marijuana. He also is accused of having a false compartment in a vehicle. The weapons charge is a felony because he'd be a convicted felon in possession of a firearm. He made bail of $60,000 and was released about seven hours after the arrest.

The NFL is Poop - Week 12

Fuckin Michael Vick
A few weeks ago I capitulated and entertained the possibility that Michael Vick had turned the corner and learned how to become a good NFL quarterback. I was right the first time. He will never be a consistent passer and his team will never be a consistent winner. When he tucks and runs like he did against the Saints he's impossible to contain (166 yards rushing) but they still lost the game. Falcons play the Redskins this week so he'll probably pass for four touchdowns.

Da Raiderz
Somehow the Oakland Raiders have managed to cover the spread in 6 of their last 7 games. The 7th was that embarrassment on Monday Night Football against the Seahawks. They actually are a decent team with a pretty good defense. They fired their offensive coordinator this week and could post their third win of the season against Houston.

Fuck You, NFL & Cablevision, Fuck You Both
I don't get the NFL Network. I do not get to watch the Broncos and the Chiefs or the Ravens and the Bengals. Fuck you both!

Game of the Week
Tennessee Titans 24 New York Giants 21
Not to rub it in to all the Giants fans who read this blog, the Master (a season ticket holder) is chief among them, but this was a colossal collapse. Eli Manning was terrible, especially on that last INT. Plaxico Burress gave up on that first interception. And no one on defense could tackle Vince Young. That includes Mathias Kiwanuka who has taken most of the blame. He was clearly worried that had Young thrown the ball, he'd have been flagged 15 yards if he slammed Young to the turf. Understandable considering the ridiculous personal foul penalties that we've seen this season.



Game to Watch
Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants
One of the hottest teams in the league against one of th ecoldest. If the Cowboys win, they pretty much lock up the NFC East and emerge as the NFC team most likely to beat the Bears. And the Giants season would be over. But if the Giants win they regain their footing and actually take over first place in the division (via tiebreaker) with four games left to play.

Cheerleader of the Week
In honor of the Cowboys domination on Thanksgiving Day this week we will pay homage to the originators, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Before I get to the individual honoree let me just compliment the entire organization. They have the best cheerleader website of any team, and at this point I've seen all of them. The squad picture allows you to mouse over, see a girls name, click on her and see her popup profile. As a group, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are also the best looking squad I've seen.

But I could only pick one, so I passed over Starr Spangler (her parents are assholes) and chose Becca. Becca has eyes that light up a room, and boobs that fill up the room.
She's only 21 but this is her third year on the squad. She has a dog named Milton, bonus points because he is a lab, even though he's chocolate, and her hobby is spending time with him. She loves the OC and fondue from the Melting Pot (Mrs. Poop's favorite restaurant!). At her dream dinner party she would invite Jesus, Brad Pitt and Steven Tyler.






Her favorite Bourjois product is 3D lip gloss. Number 20 is her favorite Bourjois product because of its long wear and shimmering effect.

The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are sponsored by several products, their beauty secrets include tanning at PlanetTan.

Honorable Mention
To appease Pizza Parlor Derek's dogged requests, here's a link to some pictures of Crystal, who is no longer with the squad, but still very hot.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The first win in the Jason Campbell era. Very pleased that both his touchdown drives came when the game was in the balance and the pressure was on. The second was a 66-yarder to Cooley, but it answered a long Panthers drive. The defense had just enough to hold on. This year we can only hope for progress. And I hope Campbell will be the best QB on the field this week against Atlanta.

If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
San Diego Chargers 31 Indianapolis Colts 27
It's my blog and I can do what I want to. The Bears are going to have a hard time avoiding a Grossman blowup in the playoffs and the rest of the NFC stinks, for now.

Shocking Confession

In an exclusive interview with Paul's Poop, Josh admitted that he actually likes stew. He claims his profanity laced anti-stew tirade ("Let's make stew!!!!!") was not driven by a distaste for stew, but by a distaste for Coach and me.

Last Year on The Poop

November 28, 2005 was a rough day. Wally Backman got turned down for a minor league gig with the Mets and Wagner High School alumnus Leo Boyarsky killed himself.

Motorboat

My favorite scene from "Wedding Crashers":

Love is Blind Archive

Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher

Chris Fowler and Jennifer Dempster

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy

David Spade and Heather Locklear

Naveen Andrews and Barbara Hershey

Love is Blind

Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen.




You'll best know Isla as the somewhat hot crazy chick who pretended to be a virgin in "Wedding Crashers." Here's the scene in which she jerks off Vince Vaughn under the table.










And of course, Sacha Baron Cohen is the schmuck who plays Borat.

Song of the Week

In retrospect, this would have been a better song for last week, Adam Sandler's "Thanksgiving Song." Apparently, no one has uploaded to youtube the version of him singing it on Saturday Night Live. So we only have this version, the CD audio with a bunch of stupid pictures. Dy-no-mite, that's right!

Clarification

Just want to make this clear because SCZA erroneously reported that Mark McGwire "wasn't breaking rules when he was playing."
That's only true if we take him at his word that he only used Andro and nothing else. True, Andro was not outlawed by Major League Baseball when it was spotted in his locker in 1998, but steroids were.
Jose Canseco (the Woodward AND Bernstein of the steroids mess) alleges that him and McGwire shot each other in the ass during the Bash Brothers Era of the late 1980s.
I've heard so many people say steroids were not against baseball rules back then...FALSE.
Possession and use of illegal substances (which steroids are) has been outlawed by Major League Baseball for some time, I think since the Pirates cocaine scandal of the early 80s.
But, there was no testing and therefore no punishment. But steroids were against the rules.
And if all McGwire ever did was take Andro, it wouldn't have been so painful for him to talk about the past.

The Pen is Crumbling

The Mets once-mighty pen is falling apart this offseason.
First, Gulliermo Mota got 50 games for the juice.
Then they traded Heath Bell and Royce Ring (no big loss).
Now Chad Bradford is likely to sign a 3-year deal with the Orioles.
Roberto Hernandez and Darren Oliver are likely free agent defections.
That leaves an injured Duaner Sanchez and an unhappy Aaron Heilman to get the ball to Wagner.

Moises Alou is going to need to hit 70 home runs if the Mets don't improve this bullpen.

Bark Busters

In March, a unit of global luxury-goods powerhouse LVMH Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton sued a small Las Vegas maker of dog toys, claiming trademark infringement.
The reason? Louis Vuitton Malletier of Paris had a problem with the company, Haute Diggity Dog, putting the name "Chewy Vuiton" on stuffed toys and dog-bed pillows decorated with a pattern reminiscent of Louis Vuitton's logo.



A federal court in Virginia, where Louis Vuitton filed the case, didn't bite. "The fact that the real Vuitton name, marks and dress are strong and recognizable makes it unlikely that a parody -- particularly one involving a pet chew toy and bed -- will be confused with the real product," the judge, James C. Cacheris, wrote in a judgment early this month.
In legal circles, the Louis Vuitton-Haute Diggity Dog case has created a nervous buzz that's putting other luxury brand names on alert. The case was the first in the nation to test the revised U.S. Federal Trademark Dilution Act that went into effect in early October. The change in the statute favors companies trying to protect their trademarks, lowering the bar for proving damage. Instead of showing that a trademark has actually been "diluted" by unapproved use, the company would have to prove only a "likelihood" this has happened.

Ms. Reeder and Victoria Dauernheim, both 53, dreamed up the concept for Haute Diggity Dog in 2003 when they were working in the retail department of Las Vegas's Mandalay Bay resort and casino. Ms. Reeder, a product buyer, noticed the pet industry was beginning to take off. In the fall of 2004, the two dog owners launched their first line of stuffed dog toys, with logos spoofing luxury brands: "Jimmy Chew," "Dog Perignon," "Chewnel #5" and "Sniffany & Co." Ms. Reeder's teenage nephew helps come up with the quirky names. The products, at prices ranging from $10 to $249, are sold in pet stores, animal hospitals and veterinarian offices, as well as online.


When Haute Diggity Dog tried to register the name "Chewy Vuiton" with the U.S. Patent and Trademark office last year, Louis Vuitton filed an objection. Haute Diggity Dog was denied official ownership of the name, but continued selling the dog toys. That's when Louis Vuitton filed its trademark-infringement suit.
Still, Ms. Reeder says the LVMH suit took the company off-guard. After all, Marc Jacobs boutiques -- majority-owned by LVMH -- sold the company's "Bark Jacobs" toys in U.S. stores last holiday season.

Bad Influence

Britney Spears has a rebound relationship after her failed marriage to K-Fed, and it's Paris Hilton. The two have been hanging out, and as you can see from the picture -- I mean hanging out. The bright side is, maybe we'll end up seeing a Britney sex tape after all.

The Best Part of Thanksgiving

Ice Cream Turkeys!

Let's Go to The Mall

One of the best episodes of "How I Met Your Mother" ended with a great payoff. You can watch the whole episode by following the link from here, or just watch the Robin Sparkles video itself. What are the chances of running into Prime Minister Brian Mulrooney at the mall? That's what I love about this show, even when it's ridiculous it's still clever and funny.

Ask the Concierge

Dear The Concierge,
On the MTV reality show Two-A-Days there was a football player named Dwarn Smith Jr. His father, also Dwarn, goes by the name Pete. Dwarn Jr. is called Repete. Pat Riley has a legal trademark on the term “threepeat” and can demand financial remuneration for any infringement. If Dwarn Jr. were to have a son who became an NFL player and was called threepete, would he be infringing on Riley’s trademark if he marketed himself as Threepete? Would this be different if Threepete were his given name, as opposed to a nickname?

Thanks
Stupid Name
Hoover Alabama


Mr. Name,

Riles & Company, Inc. owns several marks for Three-peat - a couple are still alive.
But I don't see a registered trademark mark for "Threepete" that is live.

If Riley is using it to market goods or services, another's use of the word threepete is not an infringement unless it is used to market similar goods or services and would likely confuse the consumer as to the source of the goods.

The issue of whether one can use his own name in connection with the sale of goods is more of a gray area. The fact that it is a nickname may or may not make it less likely to be able to use it if you are provding a good or service similar to those provided by the trademark owner (I would argue that the person would be less likely to use it). I would say that as long it is not used in a confusing manner it is ok. A reasonable settlement of the case should say the same thing and proscribe how it can be used. One interesting trademark case that I think settled out of court involves the use of the name 'Seymore Butts' - This name was created by Adam Glaser but technically it was the property of a film company that owned the rights to the nickname. Glaser opened his own distribution company and sought to use the name on his own - although this case had contractual issues-Glaser argued that he needed this name to adequately descibe the product and to indicate the source of his product.

The test is whether it is likely to confuse the consumer. I would not advise a client that threepete for tshirts was ok if someone else was using threepeat for tshirts.

Alou Not the Answer

I do not like the Mets' signing of Moises Alou.

1) He is 40 years old and will turn 41 on July 3rd. He has struggled with injuries his whole career and especially the past 2 years.
2) The Mets could use an extra bat in their lineup to protect David Wright but it is far from the biggest concern and shouldn't have been a priority.
3) This stunts the growth of Lastings Milledge. Omar Minaya says he could use another year in the minors, but I don't think he'll get anything out of it. He'll be pissed he isn't the majors and sulk and pout all season. But more likely Milledge will be traded, and for 10 cents on the dollar compared to what the Mets could have gotten for him in July.
4) I know it's only money and the Mets have plenty but they do say they are trying to stay within a budget. Spending $8m on a luxury is not the best idea when the Mets need a lot of pitching help.
5) This is a move the Yankees would have made. The Mets chose an expensive, aging veteran over a promising, young player. From a philosophical standpoint, that does not work.

Maybe Alou will stay healthy and have a good year. But if he's constantly hurt he's going to give you exactly what Cliff Floyd did last year, say .250, 15 homers and 60 RBI. And Shawn Green will probably produce about the same numbers in right field. Even worse, injuries would mean that Endy Chavez would once again be our starting left fielder.

And it doesn't matter how well those guys do, if the Mets don't get some better pitching, this team isn't going anywhere.

Song of the Week

For this week's song I decided to pull a page out of the Scza's book and pick a song that could double as a "Classic Coach" post. Coach loved "Angel" by Shaggy and on a four hour ride home from Baltimore, Coach and I listened to it on repeat 754 times.

The NFL is Poop - Week 11

Da Bears
Since the Redskins are horrible, I've adopted the Bears as my surrogate squad for this season. After seeing them in person I still beleive in their defense but their offense remains suspect. In addition to the Bears, Ohio State beat Michigan so I had a very successful weekend rooting for other people's teams.

I Still Believe
A few weeks ago I predicted the Jets would make the playoffs. Since then they lost to Cleveland, beat New England and got shut out by the Bears. They are 5-5 but I still expect a 10-6 or maybe even 11-5 season and the final AFC playoff berth. I'm assuming New England, Baltimore, Indianopolis, Denver and San Diego will all make it. That leaves the Jets to the battle with Jacksonville, Kansas City and possibly a rejuvenated Cincinnati team for that final spot. Their upcoming schedule: , 11/26/06 vs Houston
12/03/06 at Green Bay
12/10/06 vs Buffalo
12/17/06 at Minnesota
12/25/06 at Miami
12/31/06 vs Oakland

Game of the Week
Dallas Cowboys 21 Indianapolis Colts 14
A huge statement game for the Cowboys. The Colts did lack motivation, but they were trying to win, but the Cowboys did a great job stopping their offense and putting enough points on the board. Notice we haven't talked much about T.O. being a jerk ever since Parcells yanked that statue Drew Bledsoe. Tony Romo is playing great, and that's keeping T.O. happy, for now.

Game to Watch
Chicago at New England
There is a strong chance this game will be a Super Bowl preview. New England is always a threat and the Bears seem sure to beat the dregs of the NFC. I do think the Bears will win this game because it never seems that New England plays these regular season games with a purpose. Plus, the Bears main problem has been offense and New England's defense is vulnerable.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The Jason Campbell era begins with a loss. He didn't play great, but he didn't play badly either. The truth is, there is hope for the future with him. Even though it was only one game. In general I think sitting for a while before starting your first game is beneficial to the growth of a young quarterback. And the Redskins have had great success with black quarterbacks who wore #17.

Travesty
I had planned to name a cheerleader of the week from the squad of the winning team of the Bears-Jets game. But neither the Bears, nor the Jets have cheerleaders on their websites. And this comes despite the fact that we saw the Jets cheerleaders, and we'd even picked out a hot one. Oh well, their loss.

Cheerleader of the Week
Sandy of the San Diego Chargers' Charger Girls.
Sandy from San Diego. Cool. Sandy has been a Charger Girl for four years and likes traveling, reading and learning new things. She hates that Josh calls her home city "Whale Vagina." Presumably.








If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
San Diego 34 Chicago 13
Right now the Chargers are the best team in the NFL. Even though they keep getting down by 17 points or more in the first half, but two weeks in a row they came back to win. They have the best offense (better than the Colts), they have the best player (LT is better than Peyton right now) and their defense is ok, and should improve once Merriman gets back.

Jesus, Take Her Top Off

That is the text message I received from Pizza Parlor Derek, an unabashed Carrie Underwood fan, during her performance during halftime of the Cowboys game.



This is still my favorite look for her though.

Good Grief

Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving special. Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving

As Seen on CNN

To celebrate the merger between Bank of America and MBNA, a zealous employee wrote a song praising the deal and the new company, to the tune of "One" by U2. Although the guy is a really good singer he's a little too earnest in his performance. The video got spread around the internet thanks to youtube and now it turns out Universal, which owns rights to the original recording is not too happy. I think the Poop's legal expert, The Concierge would say Universal doesn't have much of an infringement case here. The BofA version is parody, it's not a commercial enterprise and it's not likely to be confused with the original recording.

Weekly Picks

A very poor showing last week, 2-6 for me, 21-24 overall and Adam and Harley are so far out of it there's almost no chance for recovery. But we still have to plug away.

DALLAS COWBOYS -10.5 tampa bay buccaneers
I think everyone is getting a little too excited about the Tony Romo era. Yeah the guy is good but I've already heard him being placed over Eli Manning and Ben Roethlisberger as far as young QBs go. He's started 3 games! I think the Cowboys will win but we've just seen so many underdogs hang in, and the Buccaneers have been game for the most of the season.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS -0.5 denver broncos
This is a pickem game. I think homefield advantage is overrated. The Broncos are a really good team coming off a tough loss. Just what I like.

CLEVELAND BROWNS +3.5 cincinnati bengals
I can't figure out the Bengals, but I'm starting to see that this season teams are running in streaks, not just win one, lose one. The Bengals have to get hot to beat out Jacksonville and the Jets for that last playoff spot. I think the Bengals will build on last week's victory with another big win.

ST. LOUIS RAMS -5.5 san francisco 49ers
This spread makes no sense. The Rams have lost 5 in a row while the 49ers have gotten into playoff contention. Right now I think San Fran is the better team. Every time I've had a game like this I went with my gut and it turned out to be wrong. I'll try it one more time but if the 9ers don't cover next time I see an obvious choice, I'll go the other way.

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS -13.5 oakland raiders
The Raiders have hung tough in a lot of games, fending off double digit spreads against Denver and Kansas City and losing 17-13 both times. Other than their Seattle disaster they've covered 4 of the last 5 games. But the Chargers are the best team in the NFL. They won't let that happen.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -3.5 chicago bears
I still believe in the Bears. Because they can lose by a field goal and still cover the spread, I'll take the Bears.

Can't Stuff This

Happy Thanksgiving from MC Hammer.

Nancy Grace Must Pay

Relatives of a missing boy's mother who killed herself after aggressive questioning by CNN's Nancy Grace sued the network and the talk-show host, claiming Grace caused emotional distress that led to the suicide.
Melinda Duckett committed suicide Sept. 8, a day after Grace's show on CNN Headline News aired a segment in which Grace grilled Duckett about her whereabouts on Aug. 27, the day 2-year-old Trenton Duckett was reported missing.
Authorities, who said last week they believe the boy is alive, have named Melinda Duckett as the prime suspect in his disappearance.
Jay Paul Deratany, the attorney representing Duckett's estate, said that Grace encouraged Duckett to appear on her show by saying the goal was to draw public attention to help find Trenton.
"It's not just about the questioning, it's about the misrepresentation with the knowledge that she was emotionally distraught," Deratany said. The attorney said Grace improperly took on the role of a law enforcement officer.
CNN Headline News declined to comment specifically on the lawsuit, which seeks unspecified damages.
"We stand by Nancy Grace and fully support her, as we have from the beginning of this matter," a spokeswoman said in a news release Tuesday.

Two Skinny Little Bitches

Clay Aiken co-hosted "Live With Regis and Kelly" last week and Kelly Ripa was clearly unhappy with his attitude. The road got rocky when they played a clip of Kelly impersonating Aiken on Halloween a few years ago ... from there on, Clay got into the mud.
Ripa claims that Aiken was hostile toward her and feels that he wasn't "respectful in any way." Tensions ran high throughout the taping, but Clay pissed off the talk diva when he put his hands over her mouth to try to keep her from talking while interviewing "Dancing With The Stars" winners Cheryl Burke and Emmit Smith.
Ripa was not amused, and let Clay know that he had crossed a line by touching her million-dollar cakehole. "Oh that's a no-no... I don't know where your hands have been." She has a point.





Rosie O'Donnell ripped her, as that was a supposedly homophobic remark and a nod to the fact that Clay is reportedly into fisting.

Da Bears

Went to the Bears-Jets game with Billy on Sunday. As a lifelong Bears fan, Bill seldom gets to see his team play in person (says it's been about 15 years) so when we found out the Bears were playing in the Meadowlands 2 weeks in a row we knew we had to get tickets. The Giants game was tough, especially once it was moved to Sunday night. So Bill got the tickets via stub hub and off we went.

We grabbed sandwiches and a cooler full of beer and headed off. We got to the Meadowlands at about 11, and got a pretty good spot, somewhat of a walk from the stadium, but good access to the way out. Then we sat, ate our sammiches, drank our beer, urinated in the tall grass and listened to Sirius Radio. I hate Adam Schein.
That seems like a modest tailgate compared to these douches parked in front of us. They had a full grill (not just a Hibachi) on which they cooked two thick steaks (manly) but they were eating cheese and crackers (gay) also. Then Bill asked why they had cottage cheese a tailgate. When he pulled out two baked potatoes wrapped in foil we realized they actually brought sour cream. After they were done eating they wrapped their utensils in a nice plastic bag. But the weird thing about them is that they were doing shots of something called Apfel Korn. Bill and I both remarked that it sounds like something Anton would drink.

On the walk to the stadium we saw a lot of Bears fans, inclduing one group with a Bears tent. Bill was wearing a Walter Payton jersey and I put on his old Muhsin Muhammad (nee Tom Waddle) jersey. I behaved as if I had been a Bears fan my whole life. Jets fans were 20 times more courteous than the assholes I run into at Giants-Redskins each year. When we finally got into the stadium -- security was ridiculous -- Bill pushed his luck and got one more beer. That would haunt him later.

We were seated in the next to last row of the upper tier but the view was good, and we were surrounded by Bears fans. There was little action in the first half as the score ended 0-0. The Jets chose to try an onside kick to get something started in the second half, but the Bears recovered and kicked a field goal for the game's first points.

At the end of the third quarter there was a timeout, so Bill decided he could use that and the quarter break to get to the bathroom (to drop off that last beer) and come back without missing any game action. He was wrong. On the first play of the fourth quarter Mark Bradley took a short hitch for a 57-yard touchdown. Bill did not see the play, but he did have his dick in his hands while Bradley was running down the sidelines.

The Jets couldn't do anything and the Bears even covered the 7 point spread. And traffic getting home wasn't so bad.

The Bears look really good and this was our one chance to see a potential Super Bowl Champion in action.

I love Da Bears!

The Big Game Recap

The Ohio State-Michigan game lived up to its billing. It was a well-played (if not well defended) game that was exciting almost all the way through.
Michigan was unable to find enough good cornerbacks to defend OSU's three great receivers (Robiskie, Gonzalez and Ginn). Add in a couple long runs and you can see how it happened.
But Michigan was also very effective on offense and might have learned a strategy for a potential rematch. Which could be likely because Michigan is still #2 in the BCS rankings. But the USC-Notre Dame winner could get a bump, especially if it's USC.

One final word on the penalties, the game was well officiated. The helmet-to-helmet hit on Troy Smith was duly flagged, and the faceguarding call which set up the last Michigan touchdown was also the right call.

Cosmo Kramer, the Asshole

Statement from Jerry Seinfeld:

"I am sick over this. I'm sure Michael is also sick over this horrible, horrible mistake. It is so extremely offensive. I feel terrible for all the people who have been hurt."

Fox has Scruples

Fox will not air a 2-part special in which they interviewed OJ Simpson about his new book. Also, the book will not be published. The book was called "If I Did It: Here's How It Happened" and explained what would have happened had OJ actually been the killer. Although the book was hypothetical it did say "I have never seen so much blood in my life."
OJ then explained his reason for writing that "I don't think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood."
I think all the black people who think he was innocent (including John Salley) have now changed their minds.
Maybe now that this deal was kiboshed OJ can write a book called "How To Get Away With Murder."

Square States Hate CNN

A Midwest hotel chain has pulled CNN from the TV channel lineup in its guest rooms, saying the cable network was aiding terrorism with the broadcast of a video showing Iraqi snipers shooting at U.S. troops.
The broadcast, which aired Oct. 18 on both CNN and CNN Headline News, featured edited portions of a tape the network said it obtained from a rebel group called Islamic Army of Iraq.
The video, which first appeared on "Anderson Cooper 360," shows uniformed U.S. soldiers mingling with Iraqi civilians in a public area. An American gunner is seen standing guard in a turret atop a U.S. military vehicle.
After the insurgent sniper confers with a spotter — presumably the person operating the video camera — a shot rings out. After a fade to black, the soldier in the turret slumps forward as the sniper's car drives away.
In a CNN Web log entry defending the segment, producer David Doss wrote that the network excluded the "actual impact of the rounds" because "a number of us felt airing that precise moment was simply too horrific."
Only portions of the rebel-supplied tape — which CNN said featured a total of 10 sniper attacks — were included as part of a broader news story that also featured interviews with a U.S. sniper in Iraq and a network military analyst, Doss noted.
Thompson called his response "a moment of conscience." He said the decision to yank CNN and CNN Headline News from his hotels is permanent.
Guests at the Stoney Creek Inn's 10 properties in Missouri, Iowa, Illinois and Wisconsin can still view Fox News, MSNBC, CNBC and other cable news channels.

Kramer Pulls a Gibson

Michael Richards was doing a standup act at the Laugh Factory in LA this weekend. During the performance he was heckled by a black man. Richards then yelled "he's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger!" Not a good idea.

Coincidence?

Saturday's winning number in the Ohio lottery's Pick 4 was 4-2-3-9.
The same numbers of the score of Ohio State's 42-39 victory over Michigan.
401 $1 bets picked 4-2-3-9 in that order, winning $5,000 each.
913 $1 bets picked 4-2-3-9 in another order, winning $200 each.
It's not clear how many of those bets were placed after the game, but probably quite a few.
The game ended at 7:13 p.m. and the drawing was at 7:45 p.m.