I'm So Stupid, Ask my Tattooist

Turns out the idiot girl who got 56 face stars tattooed on her face lied to her dad.




Fearing her father would be mad, the idiot made up a story about being drugged during the procedure and waking up to find 53 extra stars on her pretty little face. Her tattooist claimed she wanted all 56 stars, and looking at his face you just have to believe him.

America Gets the Runs on Dunkin

Dunkin' Donuts has temporarily stopped selling hot chocolate and Dunkaccino brand beverages after learning equipment used at a supplier's facility might have been contaminated with salmonella.
Dunkin says none of its products was contaminated and the withdrawal of the beverages from its stores was a precaution to ensure customer safety.
Its supplier Plainview Milk Products Cooperative announced it had voluntarily recalled its instant nonfat dried milk and whey protein because of potential salmonella bacteria contamination. It says there were no reported illnesses.
Dunkin' Donuts says it expects to resume hot chocolate and Dunkaccino sales shortly.


Truth is, I'm only posting this story because I came up with a creative headline. And it fits, because according to the Mayo Clinic salmonella can result in "severe diarrhea."
But even if it weren't a symptom I probably would have posted this anyway.

Nice Day for a Swine Wedding

The bride wore white -- and a face mask.

Ilana Jackson and Jeremy Fierstien of Chicago wore surgical masks and latex gloves to their wedding after finding out less than 48 hours before that they had swine flu.

The couple decided to go ahead with the ceremony after doctors assured them guests wouldn't be put at serious risk.

To be sure, they also stayed 10 feet away from guests at all times, even walking around the gathering instead of down the aisle at a Highland Park synagogue.
Jackson says they'd joked about swine flu after both experienced vomiting, achy limbs and fever. But they never thought they really had it.

She says the circumstances were unfortunate but they have a good attitude about it.

Bye Grandma

My grandmother Ethel passed away this week at the age of 88. Five years ago she got sick and we rushed Canada to perhaps say our good-byes. But Grandma survived that incident and lived five more years in which time she welcomed four great-grandchildren into the world.
Despite the loss of her leg Grandma walked down the aisle last year at my cousin's wedding.
Goodbye Grandma, we'll miss your "HEH-lows" and your chicken soup.

Like a Good Neighbor

Through a strange confluence of events I was able to help a neighbor in distress, here is that story.

The other day the sun actually came up for a few minutes so despite having been up all night at work Mrs. Poop agreed to stay up for an extra half an hour so I could mow the lawn which had reached jungle-like proportions because all the rain promoted growth and made it impossible for me to find time to mow it.

While I was out there mowing I saw our friendly neighbor (50ish single woman) walking her dog. She looked at me and said "Paul, I have a problem."

About ten feet behind her was a man yelling at her. When I stepped between them the guy (reeking of alcohol) explained his side of the story. He lives up the block and says when his dog (a schnauzer) saw her dog, his dog took off, broke the leash and took off for her dog. Her fearful reaction was to cross the street. The man was angry because he says his dog could have been hit by a car.

When I asked why he was following her he said "I want to find out where she lives."

I finally got him to go away and my neighbor explained that the guy had been yelling at her, calling her all sorts of names and threatening her and saying he was going to shoot her dog.

I thought I had calmed the situation but about 15 minutes later the drunk guy came back asking me my name and waving to Chase in the window (damn kid loves to watch "mowing.") That freaked us out a little.

But our neighbor later told me she called the cops who went to the guy's apartment, and scared him a little and didn't think he would bother us any further.

He hasn't so I am glad I was able to help my neighbor in a potentially dangerous situation.

Baseball is Poop

Just Write Down Papi's Back
Big Papi has woken up. Through the first two months of the season David Ortiz was batting .185 with 1 homer and 18 RBI in 178 at bats. Since the beginning of June Papi is batting .310 (with a 1.060 OPS) with 6 homers and 16 RBI in only 58 at bats.

Paulie's Neat-O Stat of the Night
A few years ago the Mets lost 3 straight 2-1 games and I thought the circumstance was quite amazing, but 2-1 is a fairly common baseball score. Which is why I was fascinated to see that 3 times within a 5 game span the Kansas City Royals lost a game by the score of 12-5. And we were so close because one of the other games, the score was 10-5.

It's Not the Stadium
Perhaps topping the above 12-5 example in sheer statistical unlikelihood is the home run totals of Adam Dunn for the past four years:
2005: 40
2006: 40
2007: 40
2008: 40 (even a midseason trade couldn’t derail him)

But some (not me) were worried this streak would come to an end because in 2009 Dunn is playing his home games in spacious Nationals Park compared to the bandbox he used to play in as a member of the Reds. But so far this year Dunn has 18 homers in only 71 games, putting him on pace for 41. But I have a strong feeling he’ll slow slightly and end up with his 5th straight (exactly) 40 homer season.

Last in Your Baseball Encyclopedia, First in Your Slugging Percentage Leaders
Tampa Bay second baseman Ben Zobrist is the surprising AL leader in slugging percentage at .632. At 16 homers in only 204 at bats Zobrist is making himself a household name. Albeit one that is way down the list alphabetically in major league history. Only 12 players in history are behind him in the alphabetical rankings, one is active -- Joel Zumaya.

Random Side Note
For years, Hank Aaron was the first player alphabetically in baseball history. But then David Aardsma came along and ruined all that.

A Bad Day for Gen X

Normally I don't post entire articles but this thoughtful piece from the AP's Ted Anthony really put into perspective the loss of two icons for Generation X.

"A record-shattering vinyl album and its moonwalking maestro. A paper poster of a golden-haired beauty in a one-piece swimsuit that was gossamer and clingy in all the right places.

It all seems so quaint now, the fragmented dream memories of a fleeting micro-era that began with words like "bicentennial" and "pet rock" and ended with MTV, Atari and absurdly thin cans of super-hold mousse.

The man-child named Michael Jackson and the luminous girl known as Farrah Fawcett-Majors jumped into our consciousness at a plastic moment in American culture - a time when the celebrity juggernaut we know today was still in diapers. When they departed Thursday, just a few hours and a few miles apart, they left an entire generation - a very strange generation indeed - without two of its defining figures.

"These people were on our lunchboxes," said Gary Giovannetti, 38, a manager at HBO who grew up on Long Island awash in Farrah and MJ iconography. "This," he said, "is the moment when Generation X realizes they're grown up."

It was a long time coming. Cynical, disaffected, rife with ADD, lost between Boomers and millennials and sandwiched between Vietnam and the war on terror, Gen X has always been an oddity. It was the product of a transitional age when we were still putting people on celebrity pedestals but only starting to make an industry out of dragging them down.

Its memorable moments were diffuse and confusing - the Ronald Reagan assassination attempt, the dawn of AIDS, the explosion of the Space Shuttle Challenger. It had no protest movement, no opponent to unite it, none of the things that typically shape the ill-defined beast we call an American generation.

These were the people who sent to the top of the charts a song called "We Don't Need Another Hero," then figured out how to churn them out wholesale, launching the celebrity obsession that is now an accepted part of American cultural fabric.

And that was personified nowhere better than in the two people who died Thursday.

She was, perhaps, the last in a line that began with Betty Grable in World War II - the bathing beauty who seemed kissed by the sun and exuded a potent combination of innocence and sexuality. But her "Charlie's Angels" jiggle-show image presaged another world entirely. It was the one that would come to be dominated first by Brooke and her Calvins and ultimately, as the hunger grew tawdrier, by American Apparel ads and the celebrity sex videos of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton.

She struggled for credibility after the poster and the Angels. She got it in 1984 with a dramatic turn as an abused wife in "The Burning Bed." But her last stand - a documentary about the cancer that killed her - was tainted by her run-ins with insatiable paparazzi and tabloids.

He was another thing entirely - perhaps the most recognizable face in the world, even more so than the pope or Barack Obama. His musical genius and energy seemed boundless for a time. They were rivaled only by his quirks, which consumed him.

He had a bumpy, extraordinarily public childhood. Then he spent an off-the-wall lifetime trying to get it back, erecting a ranch named after the fantasy land of Peter Pan and inviting children to share his life and his bed - with results that some said drifted into the criminal.

He caught fire in a Pepsi commercial. He shrouded his children in full-body coverings and dangled one over a balcony to show his fans below. His fabled multiple plastic surgeries turned him into someone almost unrecognizable. Nose sunk into face, cheekbones became caricature, ebony drifted into ivory.

Yet through it all, even when the years of his quirks outstripped the years of his glory, he remained one of the planet's most popular figures, selling out shows wherever he went. "Icon," the Rev. Al Sharpton said, was "only a fraction of what he was." But icon was, of course, what he always acted as if he wanted to be.

Today, celebrities aren't merely created for our consumption. Audiences are passive no longer. We demand a part in creating our icons: Jon and Kate Gosselin and their ilk might as well be publicly held companies, and we all insist upon buying a few shares. Farrah and Michael Jackson were other - above us, maybe, or apart from us. Now, when we crown new icons, we want them to BE us.

"We want everything right now, and there's a blurring of reality. When does the celebrity world stop and our world begin?" said Penni Pier, an associate professor of communications at Wartburg College in Waverly, Iowa.

When Farrah gazed at us in her swimsuit and, a single moment in history later, MJ dared us to moonwalk, they commanded giant audiences. The world had not yet become fragmented into the microcommunities that exist today. We liked them or we hated them, but we shared the experience just as Walter Cronkite told us each night that "that's the way it is."

Today, when Lindsay Lohan Twitters pictures of herself to her legions of followers, the notion that a paper poster bought in a shopping-mall Spencer Gifts could change the celebrity game seems rustic. And the vinyl version of "Thriller," redolent of raw materials and production lines, is a ghost in the virtual world of iTunes - a world that the generation after X negotiates with the fluidity of natives.

In the 1990s, members of Generation X would often laugh in bars about how the time of the Boomers was passing - about how the quaintness and naivete that made up the 1960s was, finally, a grave being danced on by Kurt Cobain. Today, members of that same generation sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of kings of pop.

A sexy poster upon a boy's wall in which a young woman grins wholesomely. A record album called "Thriller" and its attendant music videos, built upon the notion that sexiness came in the frisson of hints and suggestions rather than in cutting directly to the big reveal.

In the end, finally, they stand as the relics of a generation - one that struggled to find its place and now, suddenly, while still young, one that must wonder if it is as passe as the paper and vinyl that its icons' most memorable moments were etched upon.

We don't need another hero? After this week, are we sure?"

Paulo's Book Club: "Blood in the Cage"

"Losing feels like sucking a thousand dicks with your mom watching"

That uncredited quote sums up the passion captured in "Blood in the Cage" by L. Jon Wertheim. The book tells the story of the early days of UFC, using Pat Miletich as its vehicle.




Miletich has a somewhat typical upbringing of an MMA fighter. His father was no good and his poor mother raised five kids. His brothers all went down the wrong path (either ending up dead or in jail) and the only thing that saved Pat was his ability to fight.

Militech was one of the early proprietors of MMA back when the UFC had no rules and lots of opposition from politicians. But then Dana White and the Fertitas came in, and this is where Miletich sort of disappears from the book.

Like those old-time baseball players, he came along too soon, fighting for a couple hundred dollars a show, up to three times a night. Now these guys earn millions for two, maybe three fights a year!

But here's where the book falls short, it follows Miletich right up until his fighting career ends, then picks up the case of the UFC. It never explores Militech's coaching career in as much depth as I would have liked.

And while the story takes UFC from its infancy of eye gouges and head butts until Dana White and the Fertitas take over, it only does a cursory job of following and explaining the sport's explosion.

Essentially it comes down to this. If you like UFC or even have a passing interest in it, you will love this book. If you don't really care, you probably still won't after reading this book.

What's Your Favorite Michael Jackson Song?

Reflecting on the career of Michael Jackson the guy has had a TON of big hits. It's hard to choose just one. "Thriller" is probably his most famous because of the music video and its subsequent transformative effect on the music world. But I think "Billie Jean" probably best typifies his style, but if I had to choose a favorite I'm going to pick "Man in the Mirror."

Look Out Famous People

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett both died today.
If these things really happen in threes (they don't), there should be some very worried celebrities.
Unless Ed McMahon counts.
Either way this has been a pretty bad week for celebrity deaths.


---------------------------

Interesting thing about Farrah Fawcett, she really was only on one season of Charlie's Angels and never really gained stardom for anything else she did, except for this famous poster which adorned the walls of millions of teenage boys' bedrooms during the 1970s.

Burger King Stoops to New Low, Uses Fellatio to Sell Sandwiches

Burger King's ad for its new 7-inch sub leaves little to the imagination. With the word "BLOW" prominently featured, it shows a woman, mouth open, ready to take all 7 inches.
Some are objecting to the ad, but I love it.

Sanford's E-mail

To what should be the surprise of no one, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford now admits his weekend camping trip was actually a visit to his lover in Argentina. The best part of this whole thing, the release of an e-mail Sanford sent to her:

"You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details."

Another embarrassing sex scandal for another self-righteous politician.

I Guess Her Time Was Up

An Italian woman who escaped death when she arrived too late at Rio airport to catch Air France flight 447 to Paris ran out of luck when she was killed in a car crash on her way home.

Johanna Ganthaler, 65, died when the car driven by her husband Kurt swerved across the expressway near Kufstein, Austria, and was hit by a truck.

After the couple from Merano, Italy, missed the Rio-Paris flight, they were put on a plane to Munich instead. They only learned that the flight had plummeted into the ocean with the loss of all 228 on board when they arrived in Germany.

The Ganthalers, who had just retired from running an appliance store, had spent a month with their son and daughter-in-law in Brazil, where Ms. Ganthaler celebrated her 65th birthday.

As any faithful Poophead knows, I often contemplate the strange vagaries of the universe. Can't really understand why Johanna Ganthaler would miss her flight, saving her life only to die a short time later.
But I guess when your ticket is punched it's going to happen one way or another.

South Carolina's in a Tizzy, Where is He?

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (no relation to Fred and Lamont) disappeared for 4 days and no one knew where he was. Not his wife, nor the lieutenant governor nor police.
He stormed off after an argument Thursday, and ditched his security detail.
All weekend no one knew where he was, though his wife Jenny says she wasn’t worried.
Now Sanford's staff says he was just camping in the Appalachians.
I believe he was camping --- WITH A HOOKER!

Update: After witnesses reporting seeing him at Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta, Sanford admitted he actually went to Buenos Aires because he wanted to do something exotic. I guarantee this story involves a hooker in some way, but the poor thing is probably dead by now.

Song of the Week

"Ego" - Beyonce featuring Kanye West

"It's too big, it's too wide, it won't fit."

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think she's using "ego" as a euphemism for "cock" here.

Will Exploit Kids For Food

On a very special episode of “Jon & Kate Plus 8” the Gosselins announced their divorce, saying it’s not good for their kids to see them fighting all the time.
But the show must go on.

Instead of allowing their kids to go through this difficult time without the spotlight, Jon and Kate will instead film new episodes of their hit show – separately.



I don’t blame Jon and Kate for their marital problems – raising 8 kids understandably puts a lot of pressure on a couple.
And I understand that Jon wants to use his newfound fame to get laid, while Kate wants more bikinis (hey she has to show off the free boob job and tummy tuck she got).

Plus, Kate is a controlling bitch who probably trapped the poor sucker with twins then sextuplets and now he’s rich and doesn’t want to put up with that shit anymore.

All of that seems reasonable, at least in the fucked up world of people who turn their lives into contrived TV shows.

But with this latest turn, Jon and Kate have sunk to new lows, possibly making them the worst parents not named the Octomom.

By trotting their kids in front of a camera for 40 more episodes (at a price of at least $75,000 an episode, $3m for those keeping score at home), it’s clear they are putting their own lust for fame and money above their concern for their children.

I sure hope they put a lot of that money away for their kids --- a lifetime of visits with 8 different shrinks can be very expensive.

The Machida Era

A few months ago I contrived a question to get some UFC chatter going on the Poop -- who would lose first, Anderson Silva, Rashad Evans or Brock Lesnar.
We all chose Evans, but it was TON who correctly predicted the man to do it:

"...my real guess...Lyoto Machida. He's so damn elusive he barely gets touched in his fights, but can bring the pain in a big way when needed. I wish they would pump this guy more...although never getting touched may not be good for the fan appeal."



That brings me to another question I asked a few months ago. After reading something that basically said Machida is the perfect test for any MMA fan. If you like Machida you appreciate the technical aspects of the sport. If you hate Machida then you are a troglodyte who just likes to see people bleed and get knocked out.

So I asked SCZA for his thoughts on Machida and he said "he's not a very exciting fighter." Point proven, TON = sophisticated aficianado, SCZA = blood mark.

Something is Wrong with Bobby Parnell

Like most Mets fans I was ecstatic with the early season performance of Bobby Parnell. Finally the Mets had developed a hard-throwing pitcher who could get guys out from the bullpen and maybe eventually progress into a starter or perhaps closer.

When JJ Putz went down most of us felt Parnell could ably step into his 8th inning role while he was gone. Boy were we wrong.

In his past 7 outings Parnell has failed to get an out 3 of those times.
He has pitched 4 innings (12 outs) and allowed 9 hits and 3 walks, a perfect .500 on base. He's allowed 6 runs over that span (13.50 ERA) and lost two games during that stretch.

Unfortunately I don't think the Mets can afford to keep trotting him out there and letting him put two men on base before someone else comes in. I think it's time to send Parnell back to the minors and let him try to regain the form that made him so effective earlier this year.

Update: Parnell allowed 4 hits without retiring a batter in Sunday's game, all 4 runners scored so updated stats in last 8 appearances: 4 innings, 12 outs, 13 hits, 4 walks, 10 runs, 22.50 ERA and 4 outless appearances.

A Quick Trip Down to Baltimore

Master Bates, Papa Poop, his cousin Michael and I made a quick trip down to Baltimore for Wednesday's game, Mets vs. Orioles.

Having not slept all night I was a little but caught about an hour sleep on the 2 1/2 drive from the Bates Motel to Camden Yards.

When we got to Camden it was raining but we got good parking and decided to wait near an entrance that actually had a covered awning. Turns out it was the employees' entrance and within a couple minutes Keith Hernandez hustled up.

He actually had some poor schlub holding an umbrella for him. When Master Bates said "Hey Keith," Keith just walked right past us without even looking.

The rain finally let up and we walked around the stadium (after picking up our Adam Jones bobbleheads, of course). The smell of Boog's BBQ was too much to resist. I immediately went for the beef sandwich (I was leaning towards turkey but the guy told me beef was better) and I was so happy I did. I can't even explain how delicious it was. The beef was spicy but not too hot. It was moist but not too drippy and messy. Best sandwich I've ever had.

I was planning to go back for the turkey, but we decided to go to our seats first. Through some weird connection MB got us tickets in the club level. We didn't have a suite or a private box, but we were on a restricted level with a much nicer concourse and restaurant quality food. I was going to get a crabcake (when in Rome -- or Maryland) but instead I decided to get the crab bisque. It was delicious. I sat at a baseball stadium eating crab bisque. And best of all it was only $4. That's one thing I noticed about Camden, the prices were ballpark (higher than you'd pay anywhere else, but not outrageous). Our level also had an ice cream stand with real ice cream. So I had a triple scoop in a cup topped with mini M&Ms (I really hope the Conciergette isn't reading this.)

Unfortunately the Mets lost because they can't hit with men on base and because Jerry Manuel overmanages (Tatis for F-Mart, Feliciano for Parnell) with the lefty-righty bullshit).

But I absolutely loved Camden Yards, the setup of the big wide concourse on the lower level with great food, bars/restaurants with table seating, nice shops, it's all perfect. And our seats were amazing --- one level up, just off to the first base side of home plate, a great place to watch a ballgame.

A great trip I'm very happy we made, and I can see why every other team is emulating Camden with their new ballparks.

15 Years Ago

I can't believe it's been 15 years since OJ's Bronco chase preempted a Knicks playoff game. I remember rooting for OJ to die so we could get back to the game.



Sorry I didn't have time to post this yesterday on the true anniversary of the chase.

Camden Yards

Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't

Zicam makes a nasal spray which people say (I’ve never used it) is a great treatment for the common cold. Now people are all upset because of reports it may permanently damage your sense of smell.
These people want everything. You get a cure from the common cold and complain because of a tiny little side effect.
Most things you smell are malodorous anyway. Think how great life would be if you couldn’t smell your farts (or the farts of others). You wouldn’t have to smell foul garbage or baby’s poops (which often induce nausea). So you can’t smell a pretty flower or a stripper’s perfume, big fuckin deal.
And think how much money you would save.
No more candles, no more air fresheners, no more cologne/perfume, and no deodorant. I think I will buy Zicam for Mrs. Poop as a money-saving measure.

Song of the Week

"Rainy Days & Mondays" - The Carpenters
Recent weather has had me listening to this song quite a lot lately. Love it and love the Carpenters in general. Too bad Karen was so fucked up.

Is It OK to Wear a Wifebeater While Walking The Dog?

Mrs. Poop and I have been discussing if it is ok for me to walk Diesel in the park this summer while wearing a wifebeater.

Classic What Do You Give Me For? The Poop and Hedo Turkoglu

With the new poll feature on this site, and the Magic losing in the NBA Finals I figured now would be a good time to revisit this classic post.



<

How Was the Wedding?

I ate five scallops wrapped in bacon.

The band was really awesome too. They sang "Just Dance" and "Poker Face."
The really hot singer seemed to feel a little ridiculous singing "my po my po my p-p-p-p-poker face" and I was a little disappointed she wasn't wearing this.

Update: They also did "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)" which was kind of appropriate.

This is Why The Mets Suck

Somehow, some way, they always find a way to lose. They have no idea how to win ballgames but they do everything wrong all the time to lose crucial games.
Just a terrible horrible team with soul-crushing defeats in a row.

By the way, no one seemed to notice but besides dropping a popup, Castillo for some reason threw the ball to second. Had he thrown home he might have gotten Teixeira.

Dispatches from Vegas

I received a bizarre late-night phone call from the Focks bachelor party contingent last night.

It started with Freedo saying "hello, this is Etan Thomas." Then he started shouting obscenities about Eric Devendorf before the Concierge wrested the phone away from him.

The Conch then told me of his dismay that Warren Moon had just walked into the restaurant (Wolfgang Puck's) with 7 hot women and was seated immediately. The Conch voiced his displeasure at the preferential treatment given to an accused wife-beater. Evidently he voiced these concerns too loudly for Nails who urged him to shut up.

Then TallSkott took the phone so the brothers could argue. Scat continues to insist he will head over to the Rio at some point to check out the World Series of Poker though I believe this has a less than 1% chance of happening since he probably won't find anyone else in the group willing to join him.

But if the Conch can pick a fight with a former NFL quarterback I'm ready to believe anything.

Upcoming Product Reviews

"Wendy's will start selling boneless wings this month starting at $3.99.

Sweet & Spicy Boneless Wings will be made of chicken breast. They will be tossed with three sauces: Sweet & Spicy Asian, Honey Barbeque and Bold Buffalo.

Orders will contain seven to nine pieces depending on weight and start at the suggested price of $3.99.

An ad campaign supporting the new offering will begin on June 22."

I never eat at Wendy's because I don't like anything on their menu but this is a game-changer.

"Anheuser-Busch is launching a wheat version of Bud Light this fall.

The national roll-out of Bud Light Golden Wheat the week of Oct. 5 is the second extension of Bud Light, after the St. Louis-based brewer launched Bud Light Lime last year. Bud Light Lime has since become one of the company's most successful new products.

It's a way to boost sales since the different versions typically cost more than the original, by about $1 to $1.50 more a six-pack, he said.

Anheuser-Busch came up with an offshoot of Bud Light that uses unfiltered wheat, orange and coriander to give its stalwart brew a new twist. The beer has a cloudier look since the wheat is not filtered and has a sweeter taste.

Levy said the company is working on its advertising for Bud Light Golden Wheat and said it expects to spend about the same as it spent last year on Bud Light Lime's launch — around $30 million — to market it through television, national print, online and other media.

The new beer has a few more calories and carbohydrates than Bud Light: 118 calories compared to 110, and 8.3 grams of carbohydrates, up from 6.6 grams. The new brew has slightly less alcohol at 4.1 percent by volume, compared with Bud Light's 4.2 percent."

I don't really like Bud Light, nor do I care that much for these wheat beers but it should be interesting to try. I have a feeling the Concierge will take one sip and say "too much coriander."

I'm Calling Bullshit on This

An Israeli woman mistakenly threw out a mattress she said had almost $1 million inside, setting off a frantic search through tons of garbage at a number of landfill sites on Wednesday. The woman told The Associated Press that she bought her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise present on Monday — and threw out the old one.

The next day, she said, she remembered that she had hidden her life savings inside the old mattress. "I woke up in the morning screaming, when it hit me what happened," said the Tel Aviv woman, who asked not to be identified.

She went to look for the mattress, but it had already been hauled away by garbage collectors, she said. Searches at three different landfill sites turned up nothing.

She said the money was in U.S. dollars and Israeli shekels. She refused to say how she acquired such a large sum. "It was all my money in the world," she said. There was no way to verify her claims, and she refused to disclose key details.

The woman said the money had been stashed in a mattress because she had had "traumatic experiences with banks" in the past. She would not elaborate.

There is absolutely no way this is true. Even the AP doesn't believe this liar. It all comes down to Occam's Razor. The simplest explanation is the best.

So let's compare our two scenarios:

In one case you have an old woman with a million dollars in the mattress.
Her daughter decided to buy her a new mattress.
Instead of just telling her, she snuck into her house like a thief in the night and threw out her old mattress. Where was the elderly woman during this?
And the mother forgot all about her million dollars until the morning, when conveniently the garbagemen came and threw out her million dollar mattress.

Or

You have a woman telling a lie. Not sure why she would lie about it unless she owed someone money, but this story is just too unbelievable to be true.

I Always Know Better

Several months ago I suggested the UFC should offer Kimbo Slice a one-fight deal. I felt it was a no-lose situation for them, either Kimbo is proven a fraud or they get a decent fighter with huge name recognition.
Supposedly smart MMA fans (SCZA & TON) said it was a bad idea that would never happen and should never happen.
But Dana White listened and offered Kimbo a spot on The Ultimate Fighter, and amazingly Kimbo has accepted.
Kimbo will be among the fighters on TUF 10 coached by Rampage Jackson and Rashad Evans. Kimbo just sort of belongs on Rampage's team, doesn't he?
Unfortunately for Kimbo, it's his ground game that needs work (and his conditioning) and he's unlikely to learn that from either of those two guys.
I've been rooting for Kimbo all along, I like him, I like his story, I like his beard, and his appearance on the EliteXC card is the main reason I started to get into UFC. So I hope he does well (would suck if he didn't even win his way onto the show) and at least earns himself some UFC fights in the future.

Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,778

I actually like scented candles. I like when the house smells like something nice as opposed to my farts, Chase's poop or Diesel's breath.

But I don't really like flowers or fruit or any of the stuff candles normally smell of.

That's why I once suggested scents to Yankee candle (fresh mowed grass, bacon), but they don't accept customer suggestions.

Note: I also suggested a candle that smells like gasoline or natural gas -- but as a gag gift. Imagine how hysterical that would be, you invite a guest to your home, he or she smells gas, then sees a candle burning. Hilarious.

Because Mrs. Poop is so great, she bought my a candle that smells like a root beer float. And it's 100% true, my whole house smells like an old fashioned malt shoppe right now.

Additional note: Mrs. Poop purchased this candle from a friend's kid as part of a school fundraiser, meaning she did well and did good simultaneously.

We Must Protect This Nest

Crazed blackbird in San Francisco swoops down to attack unsuspecting passersby. The last woman, the one in the red jacket is the best. She acts as if she's been shot.

Song of the Week

"Birthday Sex" - Jeremiah
"girl you know I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I"

These Fuckers Gotta Buy

Throughout the nearly four years of The Poop the blog is been a labor of love (more labor than love lately) I never anticipated nor expected any financial gain.
But that hasn't stopped me from trying.
I've earned about $200 from participating in Google's ad program.
Now I'm also an Amazon Associate.
You may have noticed the ads that come along with Paulo's Book Club and even a product review.
Amazon pays me 4% of the purchase price for any item purchased directly from an ad on The Poop.
It's not going to make me rich but if you're buying the item just the same then wouldn't it be nice to play Robin Hood and kick a little something back my way.

Zack Attack

Zack Morris appears on “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.” Not Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Zack Morris. He stayed in character the entire time.



What makes that so hysterical is that they hit so many great references culminating in the Roots playing “Friends Forever.” About the only they missed was “there’s no time, there’s never any time.”

Why I Love Daniel Negreanu

With the World Series of Poker starting in Vegas this week, following the live updates online put me in the mood for some poker.
Thanks to my DVR Expander I had all 6 weeks (12 hours) of the NBC Heads Up Championship saved.
Watching those episodes made me fall in love with Daniel Negreanu all over again.
First, Daniel showed up for a match against Scotty Nguyen, dressed as Scotty Nguyen and staying in character the entire match. He even responded to shouts of "Go Scotty!" from the railbirds with "thank you baby."



Then during a match against Vanessa Rousso (which he lost), he serenaded her with "I Kissed a Girl."

Side note: The producers of the show loved to sprinkle in popular music going to break but thankfully they only used "Poker Face" once.

So after that I looked up Daniel on Twitter and found out that not only is he on Twitter, he is frequent with his updates, providing details of hands almost as they happen. And then there was this great tweet:



Update: Daniel made the final table of the limit hold em 6-handed tournament. I watched some of this tournament live on the internet (after he said he would stop twittering during the final table) and Daniel had a huge chip lead 3-handed, but when it got heads up he kept getting outdrawn (and in limit it pays to keep calling sometimes). So Daniel finished second (good but not a bracelet) and Brock Parker won (that bastard!)

Paulo's Book Club: "Straw: Finding My Way"

"Straw: Finding My Way" is not a book about baseball. It's a book about Darryl Strawberry's life.
Most of the book covers his long spiral down, but the final few chapters focus on his recovery.

When this book came out some lascivious details of his days with the Mets were released, but if that's why you read this book, then you are going to be disappointed.

Many people get frustrated listening to people who have led troubled lives feeling as if they blame their problems on a troubled past. Strawberry describes his abusive relationship with his father (which came to a head when he pointed a shotgun at his wife and kids) but is careful not to blame that for everything he did.

Eventually things came full circle and Strawberry -- high on drugs -- held his own family at gunpoint. But even that wasn't enough to bring him to his senses.

Two failed marriages, several failed stints in rehab, and one incredibly discarded baseball career weren't enough to make him change his ways. Even a battle with cancer couldn't get Strawberry to stay off drugs.

And that's why so many are skeptical to believe that this is the time he has finally turned his life around. But either way, it's worth reading about.

Product Review: DVR Expander

After years of battling DVR-mageddon I invested in a DVR expander. It's basically a hard drive that connects to your cable box and basically doubles the storage space available. Now we record everything we want (and will never have time to watch) and never have to worry about filling up our DVR and running out of space.

The expander gives you 300 extra hours of standard-def or 60 hours of hi-def programming.

This is the one we got compatible with Scientific-Atlanta boxes (most likely what you have if you have a cable DVR).



I strongly recommend this product but urge you to read the instructions before connecting it -- and follow the steps in the correct order to make it work properly.

What a Way To Go

The body of American actor David Carradine was found in a hotel room closet with a rope tied to his neck and genitals, and his death may have been accidental suffocation, Thai police said Friday.
The 72-year-old actor's body was discovered Thursday in his luxury suite at Bangkok's Swissotel Nai Lert Park Hotel. Police initially said they suspected suicide, though Carradine's associates had questioned that theory.
Police Lt. Gen. Worapong Chewprecha told reporters that Carradine was found with a rope "tied around his penis and another rope around his neck."
"The two ropes were tied together," he said. "It is unclear whether he committed suicide or not or he died of suffocation or heart failure due to an orgasm."
Police Lt. Teerapop Luanseng had said on Thursday that Carradine's body was found "naked, hanging in a closet," and that police at the time suspected suicide.
"All we can say is, we know David would never have committed suicide," said Tiffany Smith, of Binder & Associates, his management company. "We're just waiting for them to finish the investigation and find out what really happened. He really appreciated everything life has to give ... and that's not something David would ever do to himself."
Aurelio Giraudo, the hotel's general manager, said Carradine checked into the hotel May 31 and he last saw him June 3. He said Carradine chatted with staff and even played piano a few nights in the lobby as well as flute which the "guests really enjoyed."
Giraudo said a chambermaid discovered Carradine's body, adding that she knocked and entered after there was no response. Police arrived shortly thereafter.

Is Melky Cabrera Fucking Mary Carey?

Melky Cabrera has to be fucking Mary Carey, right? I mean, how many times in the history of the world has a man been naked in a hotel room with a porn star and not nailed her?



So Melky Cabrera, in a hotel room, no clothes, porn star on his bed asking him questions and he's eating peanuts. That must have been post-coital right? At least we know there was a camera present so maybe we'll get the sex tape to prove it eventually.

I Hope He Means This

I have been very disappointed with early indications of exactly what the changes are that President Obama plans to bring to this country. But I was reserving judgement until I heard his stance on Israel. And if he follows through on this part of his speech in Egypt today, I think a great many Jews can be somewhat relieved.

"The second major source of tension that we need to discuss is the situation between Israelis, Palestinians and the Arab world.
America's strong bonds with Israel are well known. This bond is unbreakable. It is based upon cultural and historical ties, and the recognition that the aspiration for a Jewish homeland is rooted in a tragic history that cannot be denied.
Around the world, the Jewish people were persecuted for centuries, and anti-Semitism in Europe culminated in an unprecedented Holocaust. Tomorrow, I will visit Buchenwald, which was part of a network of camps where Jews were enslaved, tortured, shot and gassed to death by the Third Reich. Six million Jews were killed - more than the entire Jewish population of Israel today. Denying that fact is baseless, ignorant, and hateful. Threatening Israel with destruction - or repeating vile stereotypes about Jews - is deeply wrong, and only serves to evoke in the minds of Israelis this most painful of memories while preventing the peace that the people of this region deserve."

Unfortunately Obama went on to call for the creation of a Palestinian state and the cessation of Jewish settlements in the West Bank. Both of those things I can live with if they are concessions in exchange for a true peace in the region. But as we have learned many times throughout the course of this conflict it is not the desire of Arabs and Palestinians to leave peaceably with Jews, they want to throw all the Jews in the sea.

College Baseball is Poop

Two amazing games this weekend in college baseball in the regionals of the NCAA baseball tournament leading up to the College World Series.

Florida State setting records in pretty much every offensive category for one game, scoring 37 runs, getting 38 hits (including 15 doubles).
They scored 8 times in the first inning and eventually took a 32-0 lead before cruising to a 37-6 win (box score).

Ohio State coach Bob Todd summed it up perfectly: "Everything they did was right, everything we did was wrong."


That game stands in sharp contrast to an incredibly even matchup played a day earlier between Texas and Boston College.
The teams were so evenly matched they had to play 25 innings -- the longest game ever -- before Texas pulled it out 3-2 after more than 7 hours (box score).

Hero Travis Tucker was 1 for 11 in the game before he came through with the game-winning hit.

Texas's Austin Wood pitched 13 innings of 2 hit ball -- in relief.

I Want To Eat at Mr. Spriggs BBQ

Slow jams and ribs, sounds good to me.

Bruno Lands Ass-First in Eminem's Face

By now you've probably seen the stunt performed by Sacha Baron Cohen at the MTV Awards. To promote his new movie, SBC as Bruno came down from the ceiling and landed with his ass (in a thong) right in the face of Eminem.

MTV Shows

A few reasons I think Eminem was in on this:

1) They took a shot of his face as Bruno was falling
2) This seems like too far to go without getting approval first
3) Eminem just sat there leaning back
4) His entourage just pushed Bruno away, had they all really been surprised I would have expected a beatdown reminiscent of Riddick Bowe's crew when Fan Man parachuted into the ring

Update: MTV says this was staged and Eminem was in on it but he was a little pissed because evidently he didn't know exactly how much ass was going to be in his face. Paris Hilton was their first target but she declined. She didn't want to sully her reputation by having video of her with her head buried in a guy's crotch all over the internet.

SNY Producer Gives the Mets the Shits, May Have Swine Flu

Carlos Beltran and John Maine have been hobbled by the shits this week thanks to a really bad stomach virus they may have caught from an SNY producer.

SNY producer Dan Barr was tested for swine flu and is still awaiting test results from his hospital visit after he had felt ill for several days. Barr, who flew on the team's chartered flight from LaGuardia to Pittsburgh after Sunday's home-stand finale, drove back to New York after going to a local hospital with flu-like symptoms. Doctors instructed him not to fly commercially.

While Met players insist the term "swine flu" wasn't mentioned during a briefing by trainer Ray Ramirez on the SNY employee, Met officials also said swine flu can't be ruled out.

"It has not been confirmed as swine flu that everyone is talking about, but it definitely is a case of flu," assistant GM John Ricco said. "We've been told it's not a type of illness that's transmitted through the air. It's something that's more droplets, shaking hands or sneezing. So we're not too worried.

"The symptoms we've been told generally are marked by high fever, joint aches and fatigue, and it comes on you rather quickly. It's not something that comes on in a slow fashion. These symptoms are not consistent at all with what Carlos Beltran and John Maine have at the present time [see, they have the shits]. But, again, our players are being informed that this has happened, and if they're presented with any of the symptoms I just described, to let a trainer now. Right now no one on our team is feeling any of that."

Song of the Week

"Sugar" - Flo Rida
I hate Flo Rida (as a sign of disrespect I call him "Florida") but any song that samples "I'm Blue" I'm ok with.

She's Got Legs

Today's obscure illness causing a rare physical deformity is called Proteus Syndrome.


Born with a rare condition, 34-year old Mandy Sellars has petite 84-pound frame which is supported by abnormally large legs that weigh 210 pounds. Her doctors, who are still baffled by her disorder, have tentatively diagnosed her with a form of Proteus syndrome for lack of a more definitive explanation. Made famous by the case of Joseph Merrick, also known as "the elephant man," Proteus syndrome affects one in 1,000,000 births and causes atypical growth of the bones, skin and head and can result in vascular malformations and partial gigantism.

Once able to walk without aid, Sellars is now dependent upon crutches or a wheelchair to get around her home. Her condition has worsened over the years, causing Sellars to endure crippling paralysis, months of hospital stays and the curious stares of children and adults alike. Reliant only upon government and delivery services, she lives alone and has no caretakers to help her out of bed in the morning, do the wash or scrub the dishes -- activities that take her hours instead of minutes. And as her legs continue to grow, dwarfing her upper half, doctors can offer little explanation or foresight into the future.

Second Face Transplant

I admit it, I'm obsessed with face transplants.
James Maki is the second patient in the United States to get a new face.
Maki suffered devastating facial injuries after falling onto an electrified third rail at a Boston train station in 2005. Though surgeries before the transplant repaired some of the damage, he was still left without a nose and was so disfigured that he did not want to leave his home because of the hurtful reactions his appearance provoked.

Love-40 (Double Dees)

Wimbledon hopeful Simona Halep wants surgery to reduce the size of her breasts.

Halep, 17, is seen as one of the tennis stars of the future after winning a host of junior titles and a place in the final of the junior French Open last year.

But the 5-foot-5-inch Romanian tennis star said she thinks her 34DD bust is holding her back.

"This fall I'll have a breast reduction operation,” Halep said. “The breasts make me uncomfortable when I play."

"It's the weight that troubles me — my ability to react quickly," she added.

You Reap What You Sow

Noted abortion doctor George Tiller was gunned down at his church Sunday by an anti-abortion activist named Scott Roeder.
While I don't condone what Roeder did, forget the irony of killing someone as punishment for taking life, I reject the efforts by the media to cast Tiller as an innocent victim.
George Tiller didn't deserve to be put in a casket, but he did deserve to get thrown in jail.
Beyond just your average abortion doctor, Tiller "The Baby Killer" was well-known for performing hundreds, maybe thousands of late-term abortions.
His clinic was one of only three in the nation to do them.
Late-term abortions are illegal unless done to protect the mother's health or in cases of rape or incest.
A widely held belief is that Tiller stretched these laws to perform late-term abortions on patients who were not raped no in immediate danger (one 13-year-old girl says she was coerced).
Personally I think Tiller was known as the guy to see if you needed a late-term abortion.
I also believe he was willing to fabricate circumstances, or stretch the law (one woman got a late-term abortion for severe depression) because he so strongly believed that he was doing good by preventing unwanted childbirths.
While that doesn't mean Tiller deserved to be killed, it probably means he doesn't deserve to be mourned as a hero.

Sportscaster U.

Shaq spending two days at Syracuse University for a boot-camp in sportscasting.
The program was introduced last year for athletes, Eric Snow and Adrian Griffin were in the inaugural graduating class.
This summer a larger class of NBA athletes will take the 2-day course.
Matt Park and Dave Ryan teach the course.
Shaq scored an interview with new SU quarterback Greg Paulus as part of his coursework.
Shaq even sat at the same NCC newsdesk I once sat behind during NEW 564.

Paulo's Book Club: "War As They Knew It"

It started with a punch -- and ended with a punch.

"War as They Knew It: Woody Hayes, Bo Schembechler and America in a Time of Unrest." by Michael Rosenberg starts with Woody Hayes assaulting one of his own players, and essentially ends when Hayes assaults an opponent.

While purporting to cover the heated football rivalry between The Ohio State University and the University of MIchigan, the changes in America during the late 60s and early 70s and the teacher-student relationship between Hayes and Bo Schembechler, Hayes is such a powerful figure he steals the show.



Having been born a few months before his last game, I only came to know Hayes as a crazed codger who threw tantrums and acted like a boor (sort of Bobby Knight before Bobby Knight).

But this book reveals a much deeper side to Hayes. Hayes was tough, but he loved his players. And he was far from a meathead laser-focused on football. Hayes was a history buff, with an encylopedic knowledge of war and U.S. Presidents. He was also a huge fan of Ralph Waldo Emerson (my favorite transcendentalist author), owning nearly all of his published works. Rosenberg generously sprinkles the wisdom of Emerson throughout the text.

Hayes's antics are the best part of the book. And that's why at times it seems like a biography of Hayes with some other characters thrown in.

Though a powerful character in his own right. Bo Schembechler takes a backseat to Hayes in this book. In fact, he's the third most interesting aspect of the Michigan story.

Most of the focus in the book goes to Michigan's student body's political activism. Michigan is cast as the progressive school with sit-ins and protests while Ohio State is the old stodgy school wanting to remain in the 40s.

But there's also Athletic Director Don Canham who created the famous Big M logo and ushered in a new era of marketing for college sports.

There's a raft of interesting characters mentioned, Bill Ayers, Bobby Knight, Presidents Nixon and Ford and even Dick Vitale is mentioned.

But there's also the football. Each game in the Ten Year War is described in detail and all the dramatics surrounding football blend prefectly with all the dramatics at these schools and in the country during the time when these two great coaches went head-to-head.

Born 7 Minutes Apart, Conceived 10 Minutes Apart

"Out of all the people in America and all the people in the world, this had to happen to me."
-Mia Washington lamenting the fact that her twin sons have different daddies.

Washington began notice that her 11-month old twins, Justin and Jordan didn't quite look alike. When she had them tested the results came back showing there was a nearly impossible chance that the boys had the same daddy.

Then Washington thought back to that night when she cheated on her boyfriend, James Harrison, with another man.
Amazingly Harrison chose to stay with Washington and will raise his kid, and the other guy's as his own.

Authorities say the this is so rare that there are only a handful of known cases across the globe.

According to doctors, if a woman has more than one sexual partner while she is ovulating, there's a miniscule chance that different sperm cells can fertilise two separate eggs. It's called heteropaternal superfecundation.

Dr Chris Dreiling, from the Paediatric Association of Dallas, told Fox News: 'Because sperm cells take a while to travel and eggs take a while to travel there can be an overlap.'

The couple is now coping with the aftermath of the DNA bombshell and plan to tell the twins when they're old enough to understand.

'It was the weirdest thing to think that two little babies could have grown in my stomach together and been born seven minutes apart but yet have different fathers.

'Five months ago we found out that I was pregnant again and our new baby is due to arrive in the autumn."

Can't wait to find out who the daddy is.

How to Impress the Ladies

Shaving tips from Gillette. This is so funny I will only buy Gillette products from now on.



Just kidding Razar (accidentally misspelled until I realized it was a palindrome then I decided it was cooler this way)!

Baby Detectives

A recent incorrect assumption by Mrs. Tall Skott provides us with a great teaching moment.

Immediately after posting the George Brett Shit Story I texted Tall Skott "read the poop asap."

His comment indicated Mrs. Tall Skott took the urgency of my text to mean Mrs. Poop was pregnant.

I don't blame Mrs. TS for her incorrect assumption. It seems to be a common theme among women -- they always want to be the first one to figure out someone is pregnant.

Mrs. Poop is constantly saying things like "she touched her stomach, women don't call attention to their stomachs unless they're pregnant," "she didn't drink any alcohol," "I think that's a maternity top" or "she farted, pregnant women are gassy."

90% of the time she says this she is wrong, but that other 10% has emboldened her to believe she is the nation's foremost expert at sleuthing out a pregnancy before the pregnant woman is ready to tell the world about it.

And every time a friend tells us she's pregnant before Mrs. Poop predicted it, she always tells me she knew but didn't tell me because she didn't want me to make fun of her.

I said at the beginning that this post would be a teaching moment.

And here's the lesson: girlz is dumb.

Flirty Sanchez

New York Jets new quarterback Mark Sanchez (aka Flirty Sanchez) hasn't thrown an NFL pass yet, but he did make one pass that was received.
Sanchez is now dating Hilary Rhoda, the smoking hot model who appeared with him in a now famous photo shoot for GQ.
The pictures were taken three months ago and the couple has been dating ever since.

Song of the Week

"Bernadette" - The Four Tops
Razor has a Facebook friend who had some very slutty pictures, so I decided to friend her too so I could see the slutty pictures.
Then the slutty-picture friend post this video.
I absolutely love this song and even tried to convince Mrs. Poop to name a female child Bernadette in honor of this song.

"That's why I treasure you and place you high above
Cuz the only joy in life, is to be loved."

Cameron's House

A suburban Chicago home made famous in 1986 movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" is up for sale for $2.3 million.

The 5,300-square-foot Highland Park house was the fictional home of Ferris Bueller's friend, Cameron Frye, played by actor Alan Ruck. In the movie, Frye accidentally sends his father's Ferrari through one of the house's glass walls and into the woods outside.

Sudler Sotheby's International Realtor Meladee Hughes says being in the home is like living in the tree house. She says there's been a lot of interest from buyers already.

Hughes says there's a wall dedicated to the movie in the home's steel and glass pavilion overlooking a ravine. The wall includes behind-the-scenes photographs of Ruck and Matthew Broderick, who plays Bueller.



This is a pretty sweet house. Check out the real estate listing to see all the photos.

I Pity the Pirates

Mr. T throws out the first pitch at a Cubs-Pirates game, and sings "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" too.



Here's the video, starts with highlights first, Mr. T comes in about halfway through.

Jose Canseco's MMA Debut

After a couple of failed attempts at boxing, Jose Canseco takes on 7'2" Hong Man Choi, a Korean kickboxer.

Note: The best youtube video of the fight I found happens to be the one with the entire buildup, including walkout. The fight starts about 5 minutes into this clip.




Poor Jose Canseco, the guy is the Woodward and Bernstein of the steroid era yet he mismanaged his finances so poorly that even with two successful books, he still has to get his ass kicked by freakish giants in order to pay the bills.

She Lit the Gas

Patricia Demauro set a new record for longest craps roll. I believe this only applies to U.S. casinos.

She rolled for (get this!) 4 hours and 18 minutes (starting at 8:13pm and ending at 12:31am). She rolled 154 times (holy fucking shit) before sevening out.

The officials at Borgata verified this, otherwise I wouldn't believe.

I have had some legendary rolls, the longest of which probably lasted 20 minutes.

The Borgata wouldn't say how much Demauro won, but she only started with $100.

She says this is the only second time she's ever played craps so perhaps she wasn't betting as aggressively as she should have been.

Still, I would say it's almost impossible for her not to have won at least ten grand.

I think if I had been on a similar hot streak I'd be house shopping this morning.

I do have some more questions so I'll be on the lookout for more information on the story.

1) How much money did the casino pay out from that table during her streak?
2) Was anyone stupid enough to leave the table during the roll?
3) Did she ever roll the dice off the table? (As you know, you're guaranteed to seven out on the next roll after the dice hit the floor).
4) How many dolla yos did she play?
5) How many hardway bets did she win?
6) Were people fighting over a place at the table?
7) Did any asshole bet "don't come" the whole time figuring she'd seven eventually?

What Do You Give Me For? Manu Ginobili and Balki Bartokomous

What do you give me for Manu Ginobili and Balki Bartokomous (as played masterfully by Bronson Pinchot?)