This is What Happens When the Knicks are Good

The Knicks are finally good which drew a particularly star-studded crowd to the Staples Center for their annual visit.

Of course Spike Lee was there.


And Jack Nicholson. You can see Clyde's jacket in the background.


And Jack is sitting next to Adam Sandler.


Lindsay Lohan was the star of the show. Seated next to a presumably gay jewelry designer.


The really smokin hot Ciara


Denzel Washington tries to get some.


Which one is Will.I.am's date, the older Asian lady or the fat guy.


Dr. Dre can't believe Will.I.am has better seats.


Khloe Kardashian roots on her husband


Matthew Morrison from Glee enjoys his 15 minutes because next year when he calls for tickets they're going to say "I'm sorry, who are you?"


Is George Lopez even considered a celebrity anymore?


Oof! Didn't Michelle Trachtenberg used to be hot, or at least cute?


Get a rebound, pleeeeeeeeese

Why?

9-year-old Christina Taylor Green was among the 6 people killed in Tucson, Arizona over the weekend. Several others were injured including Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, who was the target of the attack.



Christina was attending the event with her neighbor. Christina wanted to meet a Congresswoman because she had just been elected to the student council at her school.

Christina was a second baseman on her Little League team, the only girl on her squad. She loved baseball, like her grandfather, former Mets manager Dallas Green.

Green said "I can't believe my princess is gone."

Christina was born on September 11th, 2001. She used to think her date of birth was a "holiday" until her parents corrected her. But she was a ray of hope emerging from the worst manmade disaster in U.S. history. Sadly, her death marks another one.

Weekly Picks

What an idiot I am for picking the Jaguars as my best bet. That might have ruined my season. If I had just picked New England instead I'd have 50 which is 1 point off the desired 3-per-week pace. But now the playoffs are here and there is plenty of time to make up for it.

new orleans -10 SEATTLE
I wanted to make this one my best bet but it seems a little too obvious, and fraught with risks. The Seahawks have lost 9 times this season, all by margins greater than 10. In fact the closest they were in defeat all season was losing to New Orleans 34-19. But here's my fear. The Saints are up 27-10 late. They have the ball and can't run it for a first down because all they have is Reggie Bush and Julius Jones. Seattle gets it back and scores a garbage touchdown to break the spread. I normally don't worry about things like that, but it seems too plausible in this situation.

new york jets +3 INDIANAPOLIS
I think with all the injuries for the Colts this matchup actually plays into the Jets hands. If Revis and Cromartie can cover the outside receivers Manning is going to have to rely on Jacob Tamme. The key will be Mark Sanchez but this doesn't seem like a defense that will really give him major problems.

baltimore -3 KANSAS CITY
I actually think Kansas City has been very underrated all season, not just in terms of their record, but in terms of their talent. They are not a group of overachieving underdogs. They have a lot of good players on both sides of the ball. But I like the Ray-vens Rays (Rice and Lewis) to take control of this game and eke out a victory.

BEST BET
PHILADELPHIA -2 1/2 green bay
The only game this weekend that can't end in a push. That scares me, honestly. I also like that a lot of people are taking Green Bay. They think that Green Bay's pressure will get to Vick but yes, Vick will take sacks but when he is pressured he runs, and when he runs he is most effective. He is not a pocket passer, even though he can throw that deep ball, the Eagles offense is better when he is out of the pocket running.

Last week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 45-40 (48 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (10-7)
Home Favorites: 2-0 (17-14)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (2-0)
Road Favorites: 0-2 (16-17)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (10-9)

NFL Playoff Predictions

Wild Card Round
New Orleans over Seattle
New York over Indianapolis
Baltimore over Kansas City
Philadelphia over Green Bay

Divisional Round
New England over New York
Pittsburgh over Baltimore
Philadelphia over Chicago
Atlanta over New Orleans

Conference Championships
New England over Pittsburgh
Philadelphia over Atlanta

Super Bowl
New England 35 Philadelphia 24

Please place your picks in the comments section

I Would Give Him a Dollar to Record My Outgoing Voicemail Message

I often talk about something (though surprisingly I have never written about it here) called the Life Points Theory or PALPT. Basically it postulates that we are all of equal talents and blessings. Those among us who have one amazing gift are often robbed of abilities in other areas (really good looking dumb people, socially awkward geniuses, in the rare case, Stephen Hawking). That brings us to the story of Ted Williams, a homeless man in Columbus, Ohio who gained reknown among locals for his amazing voice.

Watch what happens when a crew from the Columbus Dispatch rolls up on Williams:



That clip has gone viral and the offers are pouring in for Williams. He's reportedly got offers from the Cleveland Cavaliers to do in-arena announcing. Even NFL Films might be interested. Imagine how many bbms Juice and I would exchange about an episode narrated by that guy.

Seems like Mr. Williams is simply a man who fell on hard times, some of it self-inflicted, and is now willing to admit his mistakes, accept responsibility and move on with his great gifts. I wish him the best and hope to hear him voicing over NFL highlights in the near future.

The NFL is Poop - Week 17

Life is Not Fair
There are lot of people complaining that the Seattle Seahawks don't belong in the playoffs at 7-9, especially not when the 10-6 Giants and ExpensiveCornPrices are sitting home. Those two teams both beat the Seahawks during the season, 41-7 and 38-15 respectively. I totally understand the fairness issue but I warn about making sweeping rule changes to fix a problem that comes along very seldom.
Let's look at what's wrong with the possible solutions:
1) Never allow a losing team into the playoffs. This one makes the most sense from the surface but I don't like something with this much inconsistency. Wouldn't it have been weird if last night's game could have put the Rams in if they won, but if the Seahawks won, the Giants would have gotten in? Makes no sense.
2) Throw out divisions, the 6 best records get in. I don't like this because you want to keep as many teams in contention for as long as possible and you want to keep division rivalries. It would be very unbalanced scheduling if you kept the division alignments but didn't reward division winners.
3) Award home-field playoff games to the team with the better record. This I could get behind. I see no reason why division winners need to be rewarded with a home playoff game.

Rex Grossman: Quarterback of the Future
Only a few months ago Donovan McNabb was coming to the Redskins with something to prove and Michael Vick was mired on the bench behind Kevin Kolb. Now Michael Vick is runner-up for MVP and Donovan McNabb has an uncertain future. There is no way in the world McNabb comes back to the Redskins next season, whenever that is. I think the Vikings are a good landing place for him. I think the Redskins will draft a quarterback but since it won't be Andrew Luck, it will be someone else who needs time to develop (Jake Locker?) I think they need to give Grossman the time to prove he's learned and grown through his NFL career.



The Giants Have No One to Blame But Themselves
A lot of Giants fans are crying right now (because Giants fans are big babies) about finishing 10-6 and missing out on the playoffs to a team with a worse record by 3 games, that they beat by 34 earlier this season. But after two straight debacles against the Eagles and Packers the Giants have to look no further than the man in the mirror. Eli Manning through [oops] 25 INTs, and the Giants lost 17 fumbles, you just can't make up for that even when you lead the league in takeaways. But there is good news for Giants fans. They have great young players at many offensive positions, they are great up front on defense, and by erasing a few mistakes they could easily have been 12-4 or 13-3.



If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New England 31 Atlanta 14
I will go into breaking down this week's matchups and the entire postseason in separate posts this week but right now the Pats are playing above the rim. Some team would have to come out like a house of fire, injure Tom Brady, take the ball away 5 times to beat the Patriots in New England in the AFC playoffs. I could see the Falcons, Eagles and maybe Packers giving them a hard time in the Super Bowl, but I doubt it.

I Think His Nose is Broken

Watch the UFC long enough and you will see some pretty gruesome things. Usually it's just a lot of blood (like Diego Sanchez after a beating from BJ Penn). You even see cuts so bad they get their own nickname like Marvin Eastman's Goat's Vagina. Sometimes you see a guy get his eye punched swollen shut like Josh Koscheck after GSP got through with him. And there is the occassional broken bone, like the freak broken leg Corey Hill suffered when his kick was checked.

But Saturday night during UFC 125 Brandon Vera's broken nose was so bad it even disgusted Vera himself. He saw his hideous visage on the Jumbotron and shielded his eyes.

Song of the Week

"Rhythm of the Night" - DeBarge

Whom Would You Vote For?

I always get worked up over Hall of Fame voting, especially baseball, even though I say I won't. This year there are a lot of interesting candidates. I don't want to analyze stats on them, just give a quick reaction to them:
Roberto Alomar - YES, best at his position during his era.
Jeff Bagwell - YES, phenenomenal offensive stats. His numbers hold up compared to players over other generations even when adjusted for era. I am pretty sure he was juiced but since his name has never even come up, even I find that hard to hold against him.
Bert Blyleven - NO, good pitcher for a long time, never great, too many negative stats.
Juan Gonzalez - NO, really good for too short a time, and an obvious steroid user.
Barry Larkin - YES, he wasn't quite Cal Ripken but he was second best shortstop during his playing career and that includes an MVP award -- rare for a shortstop.
Edgar Martinez - YES, his offensive stats are beyond compare. If you aren't going to allow designated hitters into the the Hall now matter how good they are, then you shouldn't have the designated hitter. Closers get in, and they only pitch one inning.
Mark McGwire - NO, a marginal Hall of Famer otherwise, but now that we know he cheated, I say no way
Rafael Palmeiro - NO, the only one of these guys actually caught by the testing. It would be impossible to keep someone with his numbers out of the Hall if not for the steroids.
Larry Walker - YES, but for purely selfish reasons

Here's the big problem with how I voted and the way many real Hall of Fame voters are voting: if you keep out known steroid users, what happens if someone you voted in, whom you had no prior reason to suspect of steroid use, later admits usage, do you revoke their induction?

Predictions for 2011

1. Mrs. Poop and I will not have a single fight all year. So far, so good
2. Julian will learn to walk and talk
3. His first word will be "Chase"
4. He'll probably say something like "Chay" but Mrs. Bates will tell us it still counts
5. This is the year Chase finally starts to take interest in the Mets
6. The Mets will trade Jose Reyes
7. The Patriots, Phillies and Heat will win the Super Bowl, World Series and NBA Finals
8. The Super Bowl will be the last NFL game played in 2011
9. Unemployment will fall to 8.4% in December
10. The Dow will hit 13,000
11. When Sirius-XM shares hit $2 I will e-mail TON "when your stock is up, your cock is up"
12. Razor will experience great personal growth when she ceases working from home and moves to a real office, surrounded by real people instead of cats
13. Razor will no longer have time to scour her computer to send me pictures of GauntSkott from back when he was FatScat and tipping the scales at nearly 3 bills
14. Nails will scream "DIE!" at the TV while watching a sporting event
15. The Concierge will reply to a bbm within two days of it being sent
16. Billie and Alison will have a very hard time deciding which of them their new baby resembles most
17. I'll blame Coach Boeheim for Syracuse's eventual loss in the NCAA Tournament
18. JLeary will remain my favorite Poophead as TON and Billie get too busy with parenthood to read this blog
19. Cain Velazquez will beat Junior Dos Santos but lose the UFC Heavyweight belt to Shane Carwin
20. Jonny Bones Jones will be UFC Light Heavyweight Champion
21. Reissberg will spill food on his shirt
22. Juice will propose but he won't get down on one knee because he can't stay still that long

Fun in the Snow

While some of you were bitching about the snow and the fact that lazy union workers didn't plow your streets for five days as an illegal protest against layoffs and budget cuts, Chase and I were making the best of it.

We went to Cora's house and went down the slide into a huge pile of snow.



Then I helped smooth out a nice track of hard packed down snow to sled on.



And then I pushed Chase down the hill so he got going really fast. By the end it became like a bobsled or luge course where if the kids leaned too far to one side they would have wiped out. And the straighter they stayed the faster they went.



Then when we got home we built a huge pile of snow, and the next day we dug out a hole to create Fort Chase. Chase wanted to take his nap in there and looking into bringing a TV into his Fortress of Solitude.

Weekly Picks

Final week of the regular season, I'm not where I want to be but you can still pick up ground in the playoffs. Week 17 is always tricky especially as precious few teams have something to play for. There will be at least one or two teams who are playing for something losing to teams who are eliminated. That's what makes this week so tricky, otherwise we could just pick all the alive teams versus all the Zombies.

SEATTLE +3 st. louis
We just seemed destined to have a 7-9 team in the playoffs.

DETROIT -3 minnesota
My rule about backup quarterbacks only extends one week. It remains to be seen how good this Joe Webb really is. And I think the Lions are the team that comes on strong at the end of a season, has good young players and gets talked about all offseason as a possible playoff team.

ny giants -3 1/2 WASHINGTON
I just don't see any way the Redskins can ruin the Giants season.

NEW ENGLAND -5 1/2 miami
I have a feeling Belichick doesn't want to give his team off two weeks in a row, not when they are playing as good as they are now.

BEST BET
jacksonville -3 HOUSTON
I believe Houston was favored the last time these two teams played and Jacksonville killed them. Everyone passes on Houston and I just don't see the Texans being motivated to be a spoiler as the Jags finally have a chance to end the Colts run atop the division.

Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 42-38 (46 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (10-6)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (15-14)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 2-1 (16-15)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (10-9)

Padding My Year End Stats

The Poop has seen an incredible surge in activity the last two days of 2010 thanks to being linked from si.com's Hot Clicks. It linked to my post of Rex Ryan taking his jersey off as a little something for the ladies this year.
5,000 hits over two days, that's probably the most hits we've gotten since Matt Leinart knocked up his girlfriend.

I'm actually proud my Rex Ryan post was used because I often go through a lot of hard work to make sure Poopheads get to see full and complete pictures of something worth seeing. I hate when there's something that you absolutely have to see, yet no blogs have the pictures of it. The internet, like TV is a visual medium. Must show pictures.

Song of the Week

"Sobeautiful" - Musiq Soulchild
I don't keep official stats on this but if I did I think Musiq might be the league leader in SOTWs. This is his third appearance.

The NFL is Poop - Week 16

A Nation of Wussies
The biggest story in the NFL this week was the postponement of Sunday night’s Eagles-Vikings game to Tuesday night because of bad weather. I believe the postponement was prudent because of the amount of snow falling in that area Sunday night. You don’t want people leaving a football game (when half of them drive drunk anyway) with an excuse not to go to work the next day, and driving drunk in the snow. You also don’t want to play the game in front of a half-empty stadium. I don’t even have a problem with the NFL’s decision to move it to Tuesday instead of Monday. ESPN didn’t want their Monday Night game getting trumped for the second week in a row. NBC didn’t want to lose its primetime game, which often wins in the ratings, especially when most shows are in reruns. I understand both those points and I understand their obligation to their business partners.
Soon-to-be former Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell doesn’t agree:

We've become a nation of wusses. The Chinese are kicking our butt in everything," Rendell said. "If this was in China, do you think the Chinese would have called off the game? People would have been marching down to the stadium; they would have walked, and they would have been doing calculus on the way down.

So the Eagles got back and Rendell by clearing out the entire stadium, and piling the snow in his seat – along with a sign that read “this seat reserved for non-wussies.”




Too Bad Brett Favre Didn’t Get Hurt Earlier
We know Tarvaris Jackson isn’t the answer for the Vikings at quarterback but Joe Webb might be. Webb is far from a polished passer but he threw for 195 yards and ran in a touchdown to lead the Vikings to a 24-14 win over the Eagles. But the real reason the Vikings won is that Michael Vick looked human. He threw an interception and fumbled twice, one of which was returned for a touchdown.

Playoff Scenarios
The AFC is pretty simple, the Patriots are number 1, the Steelers clinch the bye with a win, Ravens get it with a win and a Steelers loss. Chiefs are in, they are third if they don’t tie with the Colts, 4th if they do. The North loser finishes 5th, and the Jets are the 6th seed. The Colts get in with a win but the Jaguars are still alive if they win and Colts lose.
Most likely: Patriots, Steelers, Chiefs, Colts, Ravens, Jets
The NFC is a little more complicated. The Falcons are number 1, but they have to win, or have the Saints lose. The Bears are 2 and the Eagles are 3 no matter how they do this week. The Saints are 5 or 1 depending on results. The winner of Rams-Seahawks is in and will host the Saints or Falcons in the first round. It will be the first time a home team is a double digit underdog in a playoff game.
And then there is the 6 seed. The Packers, Giants and Tampa Bay are all tied. The Packers win a 3 way tie. The Giants get in with a win and a Packers loss. The ExpensiveCornPrices need to win and have the other two teams lose.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Mama Poop bought Chase some Hanukah cookies, only one problem with them.

Note: this is a lot harder than our last quiz, but the mistake is not as bad as the one with Chase's Purim gift.

Weekly Picks

san diego -8 CINCINNATI

JACKSONVILLE -6 1/2 washington

ATLANTA -3 new orleans

baltimore -3 CLEVELAND

BEST BET
new england -8 BUFFALO


Last week: 2-3 (1 points)
Season: 40-35 (43 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (9-6)
Home Favorites: 2-2 (15-12)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (14-14)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (10-9)

Mrs. Poop's Christmas Message

Mrs. Poop is trying to make a fashion statement this holiday season. I'm just not sure what that statement is.






Note: The headline of this post is an homage to the funniest moment of my professional career. When writing the banner (the thing that appears on the lower third of your screen) for a story on the Pope's Christmas Message one writer learned how much of a difference one letter can make. The banner read: The Pope's Christmas Massage.

Santa's on Macy's Naughty List

Santa Claus has been canned from Macy's, and he's anything but jolly about it.
John Toomey, known for 20 years at the Union Square Macy's in San Francisco as "Santa John," was told Saturday he'll have to take his "ho, ho, hos" elsewhere because an adult couple complained about a joke he cracked.
"When I ask the older people who sit on my lap if they've been good and they say, 'Yes,' I say, 'Gee, that's too bad,' " Toomey said .
"Then, if they ask why Santa is so jolly, I joke that it's because I know where all the naughty boys and girls live."
The kids who sit on his lap, he said, get only his trademark laugh and questions about what toys they want.


You mean to tell me a grown woman sat on Santa's lap, then complained about a joke, that joke? If the couple was so offended by it why couldn't they walk away. How could that joke have offended them so greatly they felt the need to complain. And the store, in San Francisco of all places, felt the need to fire the guy. The oversensitive babies are beginning their War on Christmas.

Rex Ryan's Wife Puts Her Best Foot Forward

Rex Ryan basically admits his wife is in the foot fetish video. He says "it's a personal matter" over and over again. If it wasn't her, he would have just said "it's not her."





That even sounds like Rex's voice, and I'm sure it is.

The question is: why is this such a big deal? Why is this personally embarrassing? Note: I'm only talking about the videos, not the contest of the profiles allegedly appearing on certain websites. His wife is not doing any wrong, morally or legally. If she wants to show off her feet to foot fetishists on the internet (like TallSkott) that’s her business. Deviance is in the eye of the beholder. She has lovely feet and if someone derives sexual pleasure from looking at them that’s their problem and not hers. Or Rex Ryan’s. I understand why it’s a news story, people are interested, even I’m interested. I just don’t see how any part of this is can be construed as negative or personally embarrassing.

Here’s the best analogy I can make: I’m sure plenty of athletes are married to Victoria’s Secret models. They walk around in their underwear and put the video on TV, the internet you name it. They have nice boobs, she has nice feet. And I bet a lot more guys jerk off looking at Adriana Lima’s tits than Michelle Ryan’s feet.

So can someone please give me one good reason why the Ryans should be embarrassed or ashamed of this?

Song of the Week

"Christmas in Hollis" - Run DMC

Two Feet of Snow Next to My Car

Literally two feet of snow



story suggested by Mama Poop

The NFL is Poop - Week 15

It Would Have Been Enough
The Giants lost what I call a “dayenu” game. Had they tackled Brent Celek, that would have been enough. Had they not tackled Brent Celek but they recovered the onside kick, that would have been enough. You see where I am going with this. There were about 10 things the Giants could have done in the game to hold on for the victory. If they hadn’t done 9 of them, but did 1, it would have been enough – at least to force overtime. Instead the Giants go down to an embarrassing, crushing defeat. Now their division hopes are likely gone, and their chances at a playoff berth likely depend on them beating the Packers this week.



The Frozen Tundra Does in Brett Favre
Brett Favre has turned into Rasputin, you can’t kill the guy. Just when we thought he was finished (with his starts streak over why would be bother coming back for a losing team?) he pulled one over on all of us and started Monday night’s game against the Bears. He even threw a touchdown pass. But when his head got slammed to the frozen turf he got concussed. A sad image for one of the game’s greats. His last time on a football field and he’s laying face down.



Now It’s Confirmed
We always thought Devin Hester was the best kick returner to ever play in the NFL, now we know for sure. His 14th career kick return (combined kickoffs and punts) is a new NFL record. And amazingly he almost did it earlier that same quarter when he returned the opening kickoff of the second half 79 yards to the 6, just moments after Mike Tirico suggested he could break the record. Some were worried that his escalation to full-time wide receiver would sacrifice his time and effort as a kick returner. In his first two NFL seasons, Hester had 20 pass receptions (2 TDs), and 11 kick return touchdowns. In the next two seasons he had 108 receptions (6 TDs) and zero return TDs. This year his pass-catching numbers are down slightly, to 30 (3 TDs) but he has 3 punt returns for touchdowns.



Hopefully We’ll Never See Donovan McNabb in a Redskins Uniform Again
Let me start by saying I am not thrilled with the prospect of turning over the future of the Washington Redskins to Rex Grossman. But I consider it a win if Donovan McNabb is never under center again. The McNabb experiment was a nice try, but it failed. I have no idea why they extended him. It seems pretty clear the decision-makers on the contract and on the starting QB at game time, are different people, with vastly different goals, purposes and opinions on McNabb’s play. Mike Shanahan obviously sees what the rest of us see – McNabb is bad and getting worse. Grossman threw 4 TDs, almost leading a very stirring comeback against the Cowboys. It seems like he will get the chance to play in the last two games, as will 3rd stringer John Beck, who will be promoted to backup in another slap in McNabb’s face. I don’t think the long-term solution is on the team right now. It seems the Redskins will have to hit rock bottom, draft a QB high in the first round and build around him. Until then a parade of big names and big contracts (at all positions, not just QB) will continue to lead to this once proud franchise’s continued demise.

Not a Bad Debut
I have often used this space to conjecture that Tim Tebow will not be a good NFL quarterback, not even a serviceable one. In fact, he’ll be so bad he won’t even be a consistent NFL starter at any point in his career. In our poll after the draft, half of you suggested he’ll be a starter at QB for 4 NFL seasons. He’s got one so far, and even though he can’t throw (8 for 16 for 138 yards) he can run (8 for 78, including a 40-yard touchdown). If he follows the Michael Vick model (without the personal growth stemming from a prison term) he might have something, though I don’t think he is that fast, or has that strong of a throwing arm. I think he’ll probably start the final two games of the season then get relegated to the bench again when the Broncos bring in a new coach.



If the NFC Championship Game Were Played Today
The Eagles would go into Atlanta with Michael Vick at quarterback. That would be a great storyline and the way these two teams are playing right now I give it at least a 50/50 shot at happening.

Which is Gayer?

Whic is a gayer song to sing while inflating a tire, "Pump up the Volume" or "Pump up the Jam"?

Ken Jennings Versus the Machine

Two of Jeopardy's most successful champions -- Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter -- will play two games against "Watson," a computer program developed by IBM's artificial intelligence team. The matches will be spread over three days that will air Feb. 14-16.
The "Jeopardy!" answer-and-question format will be a challenge. It often requires contestants to deal with subtleties, puns and riddles and come up with answers fast.
"Watson" is named for IBM founder Thomas J. Watson. It will look nothing like the computer "maid" on "The Jetsons." Rather, IBM said its on-screen appearance will be represented by a round avatar.
The computer has already been tested in some 50 games against past "Jeopardy!" champions. But neither IBM nor "Jeopardy!" representatives would say what "Watson's" record was.
The winner gets a $1 million prize. IBM said it would donate its winnings to charity, while Jennings and Rutter said they would give half of their prize money away.

What Do You Give Me For? JLeary and the Guy at the Knicks Game

Juice and Focks noticed a guy who looks a lot like JLeary on TV at the Knicks-Heat game Friday night, seated right in front of Robert Randolph.

Weekly Picks

Another big week, I am back to climbing after a tough stretch in the middle of the season. And I already have one in my pocket this week.

SAN DIEGO -9 san francisco
I'm telling you, the Chargers are making the playoffs. They do this every year. Matt Cassel's injury is a big help, but they are making the playoffs. Plus San Francisco scored 40 last week, they'll be lucky to get 14 against the Chargers.

cleveland +1 CINCINNATI
Colt McCoy is starting the Bengals have given up.

PITTSBURGH -5 new york jets
The Jets could be done. Things went very bad very quickly in two weeks and the Steelers are the wrong opponent for a quarterback who has no confidence.

OAKLAND -7 1/2 denver
I'm doing this out of spite because I really don't think Tim Tebow is an NFL quarterback, not now, not ever.

BEST BET
NEW ENGLAND -9 green bay
This line shot higher to 14 when it was announced Matt Flynn was going to play but 9 is the spread we're going with. I think it will be 30 with Flynn, and would have been 20 with Rodgers. The Patriots are just too hot right now. It might be worth it to just pick them every week and see if they let up.


Last week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 38-32 (42 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (9-5)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (13-10)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 2-0 (14-14)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (10-8)

Dr. Oz Has a Nurse Fetish

I can't say I blame Dr. Oz but his fantasy about sexy nurses has landed him in hot water.
A group called The Truth About Nursing says a recent segment about weight loss featured six women wearing high heels, retro nurses' caps and white dresses with red lingerie peeking out, shows a lack of respect for female nurses.



I'm not sure how Mrs. Poop feels about this. She probably doesn't mind and she'd much rather have the Truth About Nursing focus its letter-writing campaign against Pink for her hurtful lyrics.

Song of the Week

"Chick on Da Side" - Koffee Brown
There is almost nothing I love more, musically, than a good male/female duet. It's the reason I love Marvin & Tammi so much. Fonz and Vee have great harmony and great timing in the dueling parts of this song. Their entire album is awesome, but it didn't sell well enough for them to make another one. This is another song I have been looking for on youtube, like "Waist Down", but was able to find only recently.

First One to Answer Wins Nothing

I was in Target paying for my popcorn and as the clerk dropped the 93 cents into my hand she said "you have very soft hands?"
What was my response?

The NFL is Poop - Week 14

I Love a Good Snow Game
And so does Tom Brady. He absolutely eviscerated the Bears’ third ranked defense. Eschewing conventional wisdom against throwing in the snow, Brady threw 40 passes, completing 27 of them for 369 yards and 2 touchdowns in a 36-7 victory. Last year Brady had the best game of his career in the snow, 29 for 34 for 380 yards and 6 touchdowns in a 59-0 victory over the Titans. And of course Tom Brady’s legend started in the snow, with the Tuck Game against the Raiders (32 for 52, 312 yards). For the Patriots, it’s beginning to look a lot like 2007. Since the embarrassing loss to the Cleveland Browns the Pats have won 5 in a row scoring at least 31 each time. And beating good teams over that span, Pittsburgh, the Jets, Indianapolis and Chicago. I wouldn’t want to play them in New England in the playoffs.



As for the Bears. This is the beginning of the end for them. Even if they beat Minnesota on Monday they will lose their last two games against the Jets and Green Bay, costing them the division (even though they got a huge break when Green Bay lost to Detroit). The wild cards will go the Giants and Saints and the Bears will be home for the playoffs.

Sure, It was For His Nephew, Right
After the Eagles defeated his Cowboys 30-27, Cowboys running back Tashard Choice asked Eagles quarterback Michael Vick for his autograph. I know some people had a problem with this, maybe it’s undignified for one player to ask another for an autograph, maybe Choice should have been more somber after a loss (like Derek Anderson). I say give the guy a break, his nephew wanted Vick’s autograph.



Can’t Even Kick an Extra Point
Another embarrassing loss for the Redskins. Ryan Torain had 172 yards rushing but only 14 in the second half on only 6 carries, thanks to idiotic coaching. Thanks to crappy quarterbacking the Redskins started the second half with 3 straight 3 and outs. Thanks to crappy kicking, two missed field goals by Graham Gano, the Redskins need to kick a late extra point just to tie the game. Thanks to lousy long-snapping/holding, the Redskins blew the snap and cost themselves the game.

Not a Good Day for QBs
Here are some of the worst performance by quarterbacks on Sunday (listed in ascending order of rating):
Kyle Orton 27.1
Jay Cutler 32.9
Drew Stanton 39.4
Mark Sanchez 45.3
Carson Palmer 48.7
Brodie Croyle 48.9
Jake Delhomme 49.2
John Skelton 52.3

Amazingly, Drew Stanton and John Skelton were winning QBs. But as the temperature drops, so do the QB ratings.

Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall
How did the Jets not fire strength and conditioning coach Sal Alosi? He deliberately stuck his knee out to interfere with Nolan Carroll on punt coverage. I like the fact that he came forward and admitted it right away without pretending it was an accident, but still for something this egregious, for such an inconsequential coach, I think the Jets should have given him the axe.

Cliff Lee Forfeits Millions So His Wife Won't Get Spit On

Free agent pitcher Cliff Lee shocks the world by turning down a 6-year, $132 million contract with the Yankees (with a possible 7th year at $16m) for a 5-year, $108 million (with a likely 6th year at $25m UPDATED) with the Phillies, all because Yankees fans are disgusting pigs.
Kristen Lee was harassed by Yankees fans during the ALCS.
She says they were spitting and throwing beer in her direction and shouting obscenities.
"The fans did not do good things in my heart," she said. "When people are staring at you, and saying horrible things, it's hard not to take it personal."
At the time Lee downplayed the incident because he wanted to keep the Yankees involved in the bidding.
But it’s obvious he didn’t want his family subjected to that behavior for 6 years, especially after these comments were publicized, putting a target on her back.
I mean if you would rather be surrounded by Phillies fans, you must have a pretty low opinion of those people you are likely to run into at a Yankees game.

As for the baseball side of this deal, it obviously gives the Phillies an historically great starting rotation – on paper.
But that is why grass was invented, so we wouldn’t have to play games on paper.
First of all, in baseball we know nothing is for certain, there are injuries and disappointing performances. And even if the Phillies do dominate the regular season, the playoffs can be a crapshoot, they could lose in the first round.
I think this acquisition gives the Phillies a 10 (Halladay), a 9 (Lee), an 8 (Oswalt) and a 7 (Hamels). If one guy gets hurt and one guy has a disappointing year, then their staff really isn’t that much better than it was last year.
And before we start crowning Lee (if you wanna crown him, then crown his ass), we should note that out of 7 full seasons he only has one ERA below 3.00. So in that bandbox it’s not impossible to imagine him checking in with a 3.50 next season.

In summary:
1) As much as I hate the Yankees, I’d rather Lee signed with him, because they don’t directly compete with the Mets.
2) The Mets weren’t going to be able to challenge the Phillies this year anyway. Maybe in a couple years when they rebuild the Halladay and Lee will be in decline and the Phillies will be stuck with two aging pitchers earning $20 million per year.
3) Let’s not start sucking Cliff Lee’s dick just yet.

What Happens If You Get Punched in the Eye 50 Times

I have written several times about my dislike for the fighting style of Georges St. Pierre. It’s incredibly effective, but he never finishes fights.
I also hate Josh Koscheck, who is usually an exciting fighter, but is such a dick (and one of the worst The Ultimate Fighter Coaches not named Rampage ever) that he’s impossible to root for unless you’re JHughes (he loves dicks).
So it was good on two counts Saturday night that GSP finally fought an exciting fight (though he still didn’t finish) and Koscheck got his ass kicked.
GSP knew he wouldn’t have the distinct wrestling advantage he enjoys against other fighters, so he trained on his boxing. He boxed like a champ, breaking Koscheck’s orbital bone in the first round and pounding on it the rest of the fight.
Take a look at the picture below of Koscheck's severely fucked up eye.
The overall card was weak (so is the one for UFC 125) but at least the main event was fun to watch.

Bowl Mania Time

ESPN has its Bowl Mania game up for this year. It's simple. Pick every bowl game and rank them by confidence. This year you even get to pick against Syracuse. Group name is The Poop.

Weekly Picks

BOOM! Finally got that perfect 6 I've been looking for all season. I don't hear much from the haters this season. Every week last year when I was struggling some jerk popped off in the comments section. Nails literally cost himself thousands of dollars last year going against my advice out of spite. Now I've turned it around and all I hear are crickets. Anyway, the strange thing is, I didn't feel confident going into last week, and basically chose my best bet at random, didn't matter. I feel good about a lot of games this week, so we'll see how that works out.

NEW YORK JETS -5 1/2 miami
They'll bounce back.

new york giants -3 MINNESOTA
Whichever quarterback starts for the Vikings is going to have a tough time. The Giants are so good at rushing the passer, running the ball, and throwing it, the only way they lose is when they turn it over. Apparently the G-Men had some travel complications so they aren't getting into Minnesota until Sunday morning, but that shouldn't effect them.

new england -3 CHICAGO
The Patriots are the best team in the league. The Bears are the worst 9-3 team in history. They will lose 3 of 4 and miss the playoffs.

cleveland +1 BUFFALO
Peyton Hillis becomes the first white running back to rush for 1000 yards in about 25 years. And they beat the Bills 13-10.

BEST BET
SAN DIEGO -9 kansas city
This spread has gone way up. I guess that's because Brodie Croyle is playing, and people would much rather look at Brodie Croyle's wife instead. Earlier this season I said betting against a team just because the backup quarterback is playing is often a bad idea. Not in this case. The Chargers are very good and they love to put their own backs against the wall. They will key on the run and force Croyle to beat them. He will throw 3 interceptions, then go home and fuck his hot wife.

Last week: 5-0 (6 points)
Season: 35-30 (38 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (8-5)
Home Favorites: 3-0 (12-9)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (12-14)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (10-7)

CNN Finally Gets a Sense of Humor

Poor Ali Velshi, he's always getting embarrassed like this. The funny thing is, I think the diarrhea scene from Dumb and Dumber was supposed to tease an upcoming story on irritable bowel disease. Is that a funny thing to mock with a movie clip? And even if they planned it, shouldn't they have known better than to do it right after the London riots, with no context at all?

Murray Chass is a Fuckin Moron

I have written before about my hatred for New York Times baseball writer Murray Chass. Now the old fool, who is somehow in the Hall of Fame, has embarrassed himself again.
In a recent article Chass ripped Sports Illustrated’s Tom Verducci for voting against former union leader Marvin Miller for the Hall of Fame.
Only problem is, Verducci voted for Miller. Chass was fed some bad info by Miller himself who was passing along hearsay about who may have voted against him.
Verducci returns fire, repeatedly referring to Chass as “the blogger.” This actually confused me when I was reading it, thinking he was referring to someone else because surely he would use “Chass” on second reference.
But apparently Chass hates bloggers (like all old-school (read: dead) media types) so this insult is likely to cut Chass to the core.

But beyond the petty dispute between sportswriters, and my ongoing hatred for Murray Chass, let me make a quick remark about Marvin Miller.
I do not think he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. In order for a non-player to make it, I think his contributions have to be undeniable and his legacy untainted.
Miller was integral in creating free agency, a major victory for the players and for fairness. His biggest legacy is the strong labor union.
The downside of that: the players’ strike of 1994 which led to the cancelation of the World Series, the Steroid Era which occurred in large part because of the union’s resistance to steroid testing and the lack of a salary cap which led to an unbelievable salary imbalance causing the near-death of baseball in about ten markets.
With all those negatives on his legacy there is no way Marvin Miller deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.
And neither does Murray Chass.

The NFL is Poop - Week 13

From Boy Genius to Bye Genius
Josh McDaniels became the third NFL coach to be fired midseason, seems like an unusually high number for the NFL. He won his first 6 games, then lost almost all the rest. He came setting the house on fire jettisoning his two best players, Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall. It was the manifestation of the Belichickian philosophy, "the players don't matter, the system wins championships." And while the Patriots have succeeded with a rotating array of parts (Tom Brady being a crucial constant) it hasn't worked so well for others. Romeo Crennell, Charlie Weis, Eric Mangini and now McDaniels all failed in their first stops as head coaches.
The other big loser in this is Tim Tebow. The one head coach willing to take a chance on him, thinking he could develop into something is no longer a head coach. And with Kyle Orton being pretty decent, it's unlikely Tebow will ever get to be a QB in Denver.

This Picture Was the Best Part of the Game
I guess I am a glutton for punishment because almost every year I go see the Redskins play the Giants in the Meadowlands aka PaulsFriendLands. New Meadowlands, old Meadowlands, same shitty results. This game was fuckin freezing and the Giants dominated it. We couldn't stop the run, we turned it over 6 times and Donovan McNabb of course, couldn't make a play. The Redskins four remaining games are against Tampa Bay, Dallas, Jacksonville and the Giants. If Vegas put odds on this, you'd get even money to wager on 4 more losses in a row.



But At Least It Wasn't This Bad
The Jets went into New England thinking they were about to make a statement, the closest thing to that would be "we stink." I wonder if there has ever been a game this late in the season between teams with the best record in football, that was a bigger blowout. Doubtful. The last time the Jets lost this bad was 1986, when they were 10-1 and got stomped by the same score by the Dolphins. What are the chances the two biggest blowouts in franchise history happened to teams with awesome records entering the game? With the Jets, I bet it is to be expected. But all is not lost for the Jets. They still are very likely to make the playoffs and they still have a very good team. Perhaps they got a needed dose of humility. If they meet again it will most likely be in New England, but the score will start at 0-0 again.

The Only Team With a Two-Game Divisional Lead?
The Kansas City Chiefs. Despite their many flaws, they have a great running game, a good QB (23-4 INT-TD ratio) and a pretty good defense. They can actually clinch the division with a win in San Diego this week (3 up, 3 to go, tiebreaker in hand). I don't think that will happen, but following that they face St. Louis, Tennessee and Oakland, that should get them to at least 10-6 and a division win.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New England 45 Atlanta 30
The Patriots just look too damn good. The Falcons are doing what they need to do but the last two weeks they barely pulled out the victory and this year's Super Bowl is not in the Georgia Dome.

Song of the Week

"Why Would You Stay?" - Kem

Weekly Picks

Steelers didn't cover, but at least I didn't have to eat my shorts.

NEW YORK GIANTS -7 washington
You know if I'm going the Redskins are going to get absolutely destroyed.

atlanta -3 TAMPA BAY
The Bucs are middle of the road, they beat the bad teams but lose to every good team they face.

NEW ENGLAND -3 new york jets
Teams tend to split these close divisional matchups

cleveland +5 1/2 MIAMI
I don't pick enough underdogs

BEST BET
GREEN BAY -9 san francisco
Green Bay coming off a tough loss against a very good team, San Francisco coming off a big win over a very bad team.


Last week: 2-3 (1 point)
Season: 30-30 (32 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (7-5)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (9-9)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 1-2 (11-14)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (9-7)

Important Story Update

The Pinstripe Bowl actually kicks off at 3:30 PM so I will be going. Only problem is tickets are $60 for the cheapest seats, not including the rip off fees, (figure $70).
Anyone wishing to join me should contact me by Monday.

Syracuse University Cares About the Kids

Check out this PSA starring Syracuse University Lacrosse legend Gary Gait circa 1990.

And Yet They Still Can't Hit Free Throws

Pretty cool trick shot video starring Syracuse junior guard/benchwarmer Nick Resavy with a special guest appearance from Gerry McNamara

I Would Love To Go To This

The Syracuse Orange are headed for the Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium.
Director of athletics Daryl Gross accepted the invitation this morning. An opponent has not yet been decided for the Dec. 30 game.
It will be the first NCAA football bowl game in the Bronx since the Gotham Bowl on Dec. 15, 1962, when Nebraska edged Miami 36-34 at the original Yankee Stadium.

I'd like to go to the new Yankee Stadium so this would be a great opportunity to do it without actually seeing the Yankees.
And it might be my only chance to go to a bowl game, without having to travel to a warm weather state.
But December 31 is a normal workday for me so I don't think I can stay out til midnight in the freezing cold.

Happy Hanukah

"Candlelight" - The Maccabeats
Sung to the tune of "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz
"We say Ma'oz tzur for all 8 nights
Then we play dreidel by the candlelight
And I told you once, now I told you twice
About the miracle of the candlelight"

Are Test Drives Overrated?

We are in the process of buying a new car and everyone is saying how important it is that we drive it first. I know that sounds like a good idea and it’s like Golden’s chicken soup (it couldn’t hurt), but I just don’t see the major benefit. I can’t imagine anything I would discover in a 5-minute ride that none of the previous owners or testers hadn’t already discovered. And what could it be that would be unusual to me, that would influence me not to like the car? I could see if I were buying a tiny sports car I wouldn’t fit in. I am not very particular about things where I might object to the feel of the floor mats beneath my feet or the temperature of the air conditioning.

I will do a test drive, but I can’t imagine noticing anything during a test drive that would make me not want to buy the car, or to convince me to buy it.

Latest Lip Synch Disaster

At the Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting Boyz II Men performed "This Christmas." When they were done and the next act was introduced, they starting "singing" again, even though they were nowhere to be found.

Song of the Week

"Singin in the Rain" - Usher
Usher performed this at something called "Movies Rock" which celebrated the role of music in movies. It's quite well done and perfect for a day like today.

Enduring Tribute to Enrico Pallazzo

Patrick Hruby of espn.com's page 2 penned a brilliant tribute to Enrico Pallazzo, unconventional opera singer, umpire and doctor.



Enrico Pallazzo, an acclaimed Italian opera singer who achieved greater international fame by thwarting an assassination attempt on the queen of England while working as a baseball umpire, died Sunday. He was 84.

Pallazzo died from health complications at a hospital, a large building with patients, near his home.

In 1988, Pallazzo was invited to sing the national anthem before a baseball game between the California Angels and Seattle Mariners that was attended by Queen Elizabeth II. After the game's seventh inning, Angels outfielder Reggie Jackson attempted to assassinate the queen while under the influence of hypnotic suggestion.

Jackson was thwarted by Pallazzo, who fired a tranquilizer dart from his cuff link that struck an obese woman in the stands. The woman fell on Jackson, knocking him out of commission and prompting jubilant spectators to chant Pallazzo's name.

Pallazzo subsequently proposed to his girlfriend, Jane, who instead of shooting him said yes. Arab-Israeli peace talks resumed shortly thereafter.

After delivering an avant-garde rendition of the anthem, Pallazzo umpired the game. Calling balls and strikes from behind home plate, his style was flamboyant, characterized by sidestepping, pirouetting, bowing to the crowd and a Michael Jackson-inspired moonwalk. Players recalled Pallazzo as being unusually hands-on in his approach, liberal in his stance on illegal ball doctoring and possessed of an uncanny ability to determine strikes before pitched balls reached home plate, a trait that contributed to his inimitably eccentric strike zone.

Pallazzo was the first -- and only -- umpire to eject another umpire from a major league game. He also is believed to be the first -- and only -- umpire to use an upright vacuum cleaner to tidy up home plate.

Born Dutch-Irish to a Welsh father, Pallazzo began his career as a locksmith and later practiced medicine. After discovering that Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev's famed birthmark was actually a wine stain, Pallazzo declined the offer of a Cabinet position by President George H.W. Bush.

Pallazzo is remembered by friends for his appreciation of stuffed beavers and his desire to find good, clean love without utensils. Pallazzo was romantically snake-bitten: One early relationship ended with a tragic blimp accident, another because of his girlfriend's musical career -- she spent 300 days a year on the road with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony despite not being able to carry a tune; when Pallazzo bought her a harp as a gift, she asked what it was.

Pallazzo's relationship with Jane, by contrast, brought him happiness and led him to notice things he previously had ignored, including birds singing and stoplights.

Disappointed that he was unable to fulfill his lifelong ambition to die by a parachute not opening or by getting caught in the gears of a combine, Pallazzo told friends and family gathered by his deathbed to "win one for the Zipper," adding that he did not know where death would take him but that it wouldn't smell good. When a relative said that Pallazzo surely couldn't be serious, Pallazzo replied that he was and requested that he not be called Shirley.

Offered a last meal of steak or chicken, Pallazzo chose lasagna.

The NFL is Poop - Week 12

Luckily I Don’t Have to Eat My Shorts
Thanks to Steve Johnson’s dropped ball I don’t have to live up to the boastful proclamation I made in this week’s picks, though Juice was getting the hot sauce ready and put it on youtube like this famous clip. I am really shocked the Steelers almost lost this game, especially because they had a 13-0 lead early. I thought they would just give the ball to Rashard Mendenhall and ride him to victory. They tried that but he fumbled. And even though Buffalo turned it over also, they managed to put up enough points to tie the game and set the stage for Steve Johnson’s huge drop. For the record, Johnson says he was not blaming God for dropping the ball. And for the record, if he caught it, he would have praised God, so fair’s fair.

Just Ignore Him
When I was little Master Bates used to annoy me all day long. He would say things, and do things when our parents weren’t watching. And when he finally pissed me off enough that I hit him, he claimed innocence and I was the one who got in trouble. Thankfully, the NFL knows a little better. Cortland Finnegan spent all day (and the past several years) annoying Andre Johnson (and everyone else in the league), before Johnson finally snapped on him. I think Johnson was justified, but it was still the wrong thing to do, especially punching him twice. I’m glad the NFL penalized them equally, with only fines.



Here Come the New Kids
A new young crop of wide receivers has taken over the top of the receiving statistics. Roddy White is the NFL’s top receiver, thanks to the fact that Matt Ryan throws to him pretty much on every play, no matter how wide open someone else is. Brandon Lloyd leads the NFL with 1122 yards, doubling his yardage from 6 of his 7 NFL seasons. My favorite up and comer may be Dwayne Bowe. We got to know him on Hard Knocks as a rookie, now he has 14 touchdowns, including at least one in 7 straight games, and 5 multiple TD games overall. And let’s not forget Steve Johnson who practically no one ever heard of before this year, and now he has 10 (damnit, 9) touchdown catches).

Maybe I Should Start Giving the Bears Credit
Here’s what I saw from the Bears early this year: a 19-14 win over the Lions which only happened because of Calvin Johnson’s premature celebration (not a ref’s bad call, it was Calvin Johnson’s fault), a win over the Cowboys in which the offensive line looked bad, and a game against the Giants where the line got destroyed and Cutler was sacked 10 times. Then they beat Carolina and lost two more games in row, to Seattle and Washington, both very bad teams. At that point, they were 4-3, and it was reasonable to assume they were headed downhill. Instead they won 4 in a row and over that span Cutler has 9 TDs and 3 INTs. But the wins came over Buffalo, Minnesota and Miami (3rd string QB). Now they finally beat a good team (the Vick-Eagles), but now the schedule gets a lot tougher, at Detroit, New England, at Minnesota, New York Jets, at Green Bay. I can’t see them going better than 2-3 over that span which could potentially leave them out of the playoffs, since New Orleans, Philadelphia (or Giants) and Tampa Bay could also be in contention.

This is Going to Be A Disaster
Every time I have gone to a Redskins-Giants game at the Meadowlands the Redskins have gotten absolutely destroyed (except 1991 to my recollection). This year will be no exception. The Giants are very good. The Redskins are very bad (and on a 5th string running back). And I will have to put up with 3 hours of Master Bates’s Cortland Finnegan routine.

Don't Call Him Shirley

There's not enough I could say to adequately express how much I love Leslie Nielsen who died yesterday at the age of 84 due to complications from pneumonia. Airplane and The Naked Gun are two of my favorite movies and it was his understated delivery that turned him into such a great comedic actor late in his career. He never really told any jokes. He just delivered his lines as inappropriately and ironically as possible. Like this one, the Leslie Nielsen classic that is being repeated most often today:



Here's another simple classic from Naked Gun:



The newspaper Frank Drebin was reading (I believe in Naked Gun 2 1/2) is another great example of the kind of understated comedy Nielsen thrived on.

It's All God's Fault

As the great Jesus Shuttlesworth once said "How come you never hear Jesus being praised in the losers' locker room then?"
After this horrible play the Bills Steve Johnson did the exact opposite.





Johnson may have had his Pedro Cerrano moment. Fuck you God, I do it myself.

Hopefully I'll Have One of My Own Someday

Took a picture this morning with 2010 World Series of Poker Champion Jonathan Duhamel and his bracelet.



He was a very nice guy and the first thing I said to him was "I have a sick bad beat story to tell you." He looked kind of surprised and then I told him I was just kidding. He laughed and said he was surprised because he doesn't really get that a lot. He expected to be bombarded with bad beat stories.
Other interesting notes from our conversation:
-He doesn't know how much he actually took home. But the casino automatically withholds 30% for U.S. taxes, then, he has Canadian taxes to pay, which are higher because he is a professional, not an amateur. All told he will pay about $4m of his $9m in taxes.

-He sold a 1% piece to his best friend for $100. That guy now has $90,000.

-He gave me an autographed hat

-My blackberry takes awful pictures. I might need to start carrying a real camera

This Would Be the Best Episode of Saturday Night Live in At Least 10 Years

My favorite part is that Monster Gaga is wearing a dress made entirely out of cookies. The producers of Sesame Street are so smart. They have such a great attention to detail (the cheesy picture SNL uses for the bump-in, thanking Lorne Michaels, the closing credits), everything is just so well done. But I doubt SNL will give in to popular demand again or Bristol Palin would be hosting.

Weekly Picks

I'm still chopping away, finally improved to above 50% overall and have a pretty decent score thanks to winning 64% of my best bets.

OAKLAND -3 miami
Despite last week's destruction by the Steelers I still think the Raiders are better than the Dolphins.

kansas city -2 SEATTLE
I think the NFC West really stinks and I think the Chiefs are the type of team to beat lesser opponents.

philadelphia -3 CHICAGO
I don't think the Bears are any good. Have I mentioned that before?

ATLANTA -1 1/2 green bay
Matty Ice doesn't lose at home.

BEST BET
pittsburgh -6 1/2 BUFFALO
If the Bills win three in a row I'll eat my shorts. So now it's just a matter of the Steelers winning by a touchdown.

Last week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 28-27 (31 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (7-4)
Home Favorites: 1-2 (8-8)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 2-0 (10-12)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (9-7)

Do You Even Need to Ask?

Happy Thanksgiving

Song of the Week

"If You Really Wanna Go" - No Question
I listened to this entire album again, I have no idea how these guys didn't become huge stars.

The NFL is Poop - Week 11

This is the End
The Vikings fired Brad Childress for starting the season 3-7, but his biggest sin was sending a group of players to Mississippi to recruit Brett Favre for one more season. This team was really good last year and about the only difference is the play of Favre. And now it turns out Brett Favre may head for the hills also. I personally think Favre will hang on for 6 more games though to maintain his string of consecutive starts. No matter what happens though, coming back this season has permanently disgraced Favre’s name and legacy.

Are the Cowboys 3-7 or 2-0?
We know Wade Phillips is a bad coach but it couldn’t have been all his fault, could it? Two games is a little too early to give all the credit to Jason Garrett, but if he can win two games with Jon Kitna, he must be doing something right.

Maybe Big Ben Was Talking to His Daughter Before the Game
Richard Seymour delivered an open-handed slap to the face of Ben Roethlisberger. Apparently he was talking some kind of trash to him and Seymour said it was a natural reaction. They could have used Seymour to be a little tougher before he got ejected. They were down 20-3 at that point and ended up losing 35-3. And he got fined $25,000 by the league office. But at least we learned the Raiders are total pretenders who won 3 in a row against inferior competition.

Cardiac Kids
The Jets last four wins have all come on last second scores, against weak teams (Broncos, Browns, Lions and Texans). Either this bodes well because Mark Sanchez is proving he can make plays to win games or it bodes poorly because they can’t put away bad teams and will have trouble when the competition stiffens.

Vince Young is a Big Baby
Vince Young is a talented player who had a great college career. But since turning pro every time something didn't go his way he acted like a spoiled child. The most memorable incident is when he left his house with a gun, leading others to believe he was suicidal. His mom was so worried she called the team. But Young later played off the entire incident as a misunderstanding. There's no misunderstanding what he did Sunday against the Redskins. Young hurt his thumb during the game, and when he warmed up to try to come back in coach Jeff Fisher said his throws were inaccurate. He elected not to bring Young back, and the Titans lost. After the game he threw his shoulders pads into the stands. Then he reportedly muttered under his breath during Fisher's postgame speech. That led to a huge blowout between them. Young is angry that Fisher didn't have the confidence in him to bring him back. Fisher is angry that Young is a spoiled brat. The Titans held a team meeting to discuss Young's future, and Young was told not to attend. He's been put on IR. The Titans owe him $8.5m for next season (if there is a next season) but I think Tennessee will either get rid of Young or get rid of Fisher.

The Best Day of the Year
If you are a football fan the best day of the year is Thanksgiving. This year’s games are terrible, all 3 have a discrepancy of at least 4 wins between the two teams. New England should kill Detroit in the opener, the Jets will likely beat the Bengals on a last second play in the nightcap but the middle game could be meaty. If the Cowboys are really rejuvenated under Jason Garrett they could give the Saints a hard time at home.

If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
You’d have to say New England and Philadelphia would be in it. And in this rematch I could see the Eagles winning. Michael Vick obviously is not going to play the way he did against the Redskins every week. But he did more than enough against a much better Giants defense to win the game, though he had a lot of help from Eli Manning.

What Do You Give Me For? The Guy in the Training Video and Briles

What do you give me for Briles and the guy in the document retention training video?