Weekly Picks

Another solid week with a 4. Hitting 80% of best bets but only 35% of other picks.

san diego -8 1/2 ST. LOUIS
I'm not giving up on the Chargers yet. Two of their losses (Raiders and Chiefs) were kind of fluky in that big plays against them came on special teams. Their offense is still great, defense is bad, but this spread seems to big, so I like it.

new orleans -4 TAMPA BAY
Desperate team versus overachieving team.

indianapolis -3 WASHINGTON
Bill Simmons says never bet against Peyton Manning in a night game. I think that actually holds true.

PITTSBURGH -13 1/2 cleveland
The spread should actually be around 17 if Ben Roethlisberger's performance weren't such a question mark. This flies in the face of backup QB theory, but I'll make an exception for Colt McCoy/Josh Cribbs against the best defense in the league.

BEST BET
atlanta +3 PHILADELPHIA
There is nothing in my backup QB theory about what happens the second week. I think the Falcons are pretty good and I think Kolb is going to make this decision very easy for Reid.

Last week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 11-14 (14 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (4-1)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (2-5)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (4-7)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (4-2)

I Wish We Could Fire Jeff Wilpon

The Mets fired Jerry Manuel. That's good. The Mets fired Omar Minaya. That will help. But perhaps the biggest problem with this team is a problem we may never be able to excise, Jeff Wilpon.



I have said over the past four years while overreacting fans begged the Mets to spend more money that their spending was fine, perhaps too much. The Mets have consistently been in the top 5 in payroll. But they have not been in the top 5 or top 10, or top 20 the past two seasons in results. That means the amount of money being spent isn't the problem. The problem is how it's being spent.
I normally blamed Omar Minaya for the misspending but it is not clear Jeff Wilpon deserves a sizable share of the blame as well.
A scathing New York Post column by Joel Sherman delved into the problems with Wilpon.


Let’s give Jeff Wilpon the benefit of the doubt here for a moment.

Let’s say he is not short-tempered. Tone deaf. A credit seeker. An accountability deflector. A micro-manager. A second-guesser. A less-than-deep thinker. And bad at self-awareness.

Fine, he’s none of these things. But here is the problem: This is his perception in the industry as the Mets try yet again to fix their baseball operations department.

That's a poorly worded way of saying he is all those things, without actually saying it. It goes on:

"A baseball executive in regular contact with the Mets: 'Jeff is the problem with the organization, and he is never going to realize that. He cannot help himself. He has to be involved. He will never hire anyone who will not let him have major input. He will not hire anyone who does not run every personnel decision through him.'"

Jeff is the problem with the Mets. But we can't get rid of him because he happened to be born to the owner of the team. And Mets fans suffer as a result.

For years I have railed against the Mets making reactionary free agent signings that never seem to work (starting with Pedro Martinez) just to get the papers and the talk radio hosts (Mike and the Mad Dog spent years ruining the Mets) to say nice things about them. It seems that was all coming from Jeff Wilpon. He's the one who couldn't stand to listen to Fat Francesa say the Mets needed to do something to win back their fans.

We enter another offseason at a crossroads. We have no manager, no top baseball executive and two sub-.500 seasons in a row. Will the Mets attempt to make a big splash by signing Cliff Lee? I hope not. But the even less desirable alternative is the one most likely to happen, the Mets miss on Lee, the papers and talk radio hosts go nuts, Wilpon orders an overreaction and the Mets spend $75 million on an average pitcher.

What the Mets need to do is go into the season with an infield of Davis, Reyes, Wright and a new second baseman (Future Hall of Famer Dan Uggla?), and outfield of Bay, Beltran and Duda and a rotation of Santana, Pelfrey, Dickey, Niese and Mejia. They need to trade Beltran in July and consider dumping Santana as well. The Mets need to rebuild, not add one mediocre overpaid piece.

But that will never happen because an insecure, spoiled little rich boy would rather spend daddy's money.

Hope For the Future

I have long complained about the Mets barren farm system and its inability to produce a single solid offensive prospect since David Wright and Jose Reyes hit the scene 6 years ago. I like Ike Davis but feel his maximum potential would make him no better than an average first baseman, which is fine. Josh Thole also has potential to be an above-average catcher, especially if he can start to hit with a little more power.

But I am most hopeful about Lucas Duda. Duda had modest stats in his first three minor league seasons but he followed a natural progression from Brooklyn (low A) to St. Lucie (high A) to Binghamton (AA). It wasn’t until he went to triple A Buffalo that he really broke out. He hit 17 homers in 298 plate appearances, with an OPS of .999.



That earned him a promotion to the big club. I speculated that even with an expected drop-off in performance because of the tougher competition, if Duda could have an .825 OPS, he could be a very effective outfielder for the Mets for a very long time.

Note: only 22 outfielders in the majors, fewer than one per team had an OPS above .800 in 2010.

Things started off very badly for Duda. In his first 33 at bats he had only 1 hit (a double) and 4 walks, for an OPS of .196.

But check out what Duda did in his next 51 at bats: 16 hits 5 doubles 4 homers 13 RBI and 2 walks. That works out to .314/.340/.647. That’s an OPS of .987, against major league pitching. Yes it’s only 51 at bats, at the end of the season, all low leverage situations, but it’s something.

Especially when compared to Beltran (.768), Pagan (.765) and Bay (.749). And considering the team OPS was only .697, anything above .800 would be great, would have been good enough for second on the team behind Wright this season.

So if there’s any hope for the future it’s that Wright and Reyes will stay healthy and perform, Bay and Beltran will get healthy and perform, and the young guys like Davis, Thole and Duda will continue to grow. That would be a pretty good top 7, with a lot of ifs, but finally, a little bit of hope.

Song of the Week

"Da Rockwilder" - Redman and Method Man
About the only good thing Antonio Rogierio did in his fight against Ryan "Darth" Bader was walk out to this song.

Burning Down the House

Here's the story that's igniting a fierce debate around the nation right now.
Firefighters in Tennessee stood by while the home of Gene Cranick burned to the ground, killing his 3 dogs and 1 cat.
The firefighters from South Fulton responded to the fire but didn't put it out because Cranick hadn't paid his fire fee. He lives outside the city of South Fulton and therefore doesn't pay taxes to support the firefighters. Instead, those residents were told, for an annual fee of $75, the South Fulton Fire Department would respond if the need ever arose.
His neighbor paid the fee, so when the fire spread to his home, firefighters quickly extinguished it.
At first Cranick said he simply forgot to pay the fee, but now it comes out that they sent him a letter and called him.
It's clear Cranick felt that he would never need firemen so he didn't pay the fee. And he clearly thought if there ever was a fire, they'd put it out anyway.

And there's where the debate comes in. Democrats are calling this extreme capitalism where life-saving and property-saving services are only provided to those who can and will pay.
Most people say humanity should have prevailed (and it would have if a person had been trapped) and they should have put of the fire and maybe charged him an exorbitant fee afterwards.

I say it's all Cranick's fault. I bring up personal responsibility again. Cranick was given a choice, pay for a service, or don't get the service. He chose to gamble, he lost. He needs to live with the consequences. If the SFFD bailed out Cranick it would send a message that no one ever need pay the fire fee. An optional fee wouldn't work and the Fire Department would incur huge losses and not be able to help the people who actually pay to support it.

The NFL is Poop - Week 5

It was the Best of Favre, It Was the Worst of Favre
This was the week when you really found out why Brett Favre is such a compelling figure. Like him or hate him (most everyone hates at this point) you just had to watch. Yes, he cheated on his wife, and tried to bang Jenn Sterger and is pretty much the same piece of shit scumbag we expect every athlete to be. But, you still wanted to see how he would perform.
In a rain-soaked first half the Vikings had about 50 yards of offense while punting 5 times and fumbling once. The trailed 12-0 when Favre turned it on. Then on three out of 4 possessions he hit Randy Moss for a 37-yard touchdown, then Harvin for 34 and 11-yard touchdowns, bringing the Vikings to within 22-20.
And just when you thought Favre was going to do it again, another amazing performance, on a Monday Night no less, he throws another interception, it's returned for a touchdown and good night Vikings.



Who Needs Quarterbacks Anyway?
No bigger mistake is made by gamblers than picking against NFL teams who lose their quarterbacks. This week three teams were starting backups, different starters than last week, all three were underdogs and all 3 won. Max Hall for the Cardinals was the biggest story since he was an undrafted free agent in April, and in October he's beating the Super Bowl champs. Kevin Kolb played well enough to beat the 49ers, but probably not well enough to keep his old job when Michael Vick comes back.
And then there's Todd Collins. Perhaps an asterisk is needed here. He was 6 for 16 with 32 yards and 4 interceptions. And he was the winning QB. Thankfully for him Matt Forte ran for two touchdowns and Carolina's Jimmy Clausen was almost as bad.

SUH-per Play
An amazing tip and interception (and underwhelming dance) by the next great defensive player in the NFL, Ndamukong Suh.



I'd Rather Be Lucky Than Good
The Redskins got back the win they blew in week 2 against the Texans. The Packers butchered this one almost as bad, and the Skins took a 16-13 overtime win. The Redskins did almost nothing until Donovan McNabb hit his new favorite deep threat, Anthony Armstrong for a 48-yard touchdown. Then it seemed neither team wanted to win as the kickers missed three field goals in the fourth quarter and overtime before Graham Gano finally nailed one after Laron Landry's interception set the Redskins up in great field position. Another mediocre/bad performance by Donovan McNabb except this time instead of getting out early and blowing the lead, McNabb made plays to lead his team back.

Ok, Maybe This is a Rule That Needs to be Changed
Normally I am of the attitude that if a rule is on the books, you have to abide by it. And in most cases those rules are on the books for a good reason, and shouldn't be changed. But the one that hurt the Dallas Cowboys in their loss to the Titans maybe is a little too strict. The rule forbids touchdown celebrations from ending with a player on the ground. So when Jason Witten scored to tie the game at 27, he gave the ball to Mark Columbo to spike. Then they did a flying chest bump, which ended with Columbo on the ground, and the refs penalizing the Cowboys 15 yards. The ensuing kickoff was fielded at the 16 (maybe would have come up just short of end zone) and take all the way to the Dallas 5, setting up Chris Johnson for the easy game-winning score.




Pictures of the Week
It sure was raining hard during that Vikings-Jets game.

Baseball is Poop - Postseason Awards

Here are my picks for baseball's major awards:

NL MVP: Joey Votto
I can't believe I am saying this but it seems like when you have a guy as good as the Magnificent Pooh Holes you could make a reasonable case for him every year. So when someone new is almost as good, that player gets the nod. This happened several years with Michael Jordan. But in this case Votto and Pooh Holes are so similar (Votto by .014 in OPS, Pooh Holes by 3.7 in VORP, Votto by .3 in WAR) it's basically a toss-up. So I will go with Votto because his team is better. I know that's an old school writers' way of deciding MVP but in this case I think Votto did provide more value to his team in intangible ways as well. Carlos Gonzalez had a great season and is an obvious third choice but doesn't really warrant being in this discussion.



AL MVP: Josh Hamilton
Another close two person race. I really wanted give this to Jose Bautista, but clubbing a lot of home runs is not enough. If you are only judging by old school stats, you'd see Cabrera with 6 more homers and 26 more RBI than Hamilton. And even an extra 46 walks. But Hamilton still has the better OPS (1.044, best in the majors this year) because of 30 fewer ABs. Hamilton has the superior VORP, and the better WAR by a lot. Hamilton's 8.0 is best in the majors, while Cabrera's 6.2, is not even in the top 10. And when you go back to wins and losses, and the intangibles, I think you'd have to go with Hamilton once again for making his contributions to a winning team.

NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay
I think it would be hard to dispute this one. At one point we thought it would be Ubaldo Jimenez, but he fell so hard his ERA is worse than R.A. Dickey's. Josh Johnson has a better ERA than Halladay, but he did it in 70 fewer innings, which certainly means a lot. And the fact Halladay has 10 more wins is not merely the product of playing on a much better offensive team. Adam Wainwright also had a spectacular year but he doesn't have one thing as good as Halladay's. It's almost like John Tudor in 1985. He had one of the best seasons of the past 30 years, but he finished second in pretty much every category to Gooden.

AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez
This is the one you can argue about. And I know he is not going to win it with only 13 wins, but he's like Good Will Hunting. It's not your fault, Felix, it's not your fault. Here's his key stats: 2.27 ERA, 3.04 FIP, 6 CGs, 249 2/3 innings, 232 Ks and a 6.2 WAR. Those are amazing stats but one thing jumps out at me, his FIP is much higher than his ERA. That normally happens with low ERAs, but it brings me to something. If Felix is given a pass for his low win total because his team never scored any runs for him, then should we look at his ERA differently because his team made a concerted effort to focus on run prevention? If it doesn't go to Felix (which it won't) you could give it to David Price (probably will). Price was 19-6, exactly 6 games better than F-Her, his WAR is similar, 6.0, but his ERA (2.72) and FIP (3.42) are significantly worse. So if you give it to price the only stat it's based on is more wins, a stat that everyone knows is the worst judge of a pitcher's performance. The other option is Clay Buchholz whose ERA (2.33) is close to Felix's but check out his FIP (3.61), meaning he also benefitted from a team focused on run prevention. Buchholz went 17-7, but he had six fewer starts and 76 fewer innings than Felix. Any voter not picking Felix first is doing so based on wins and wins alone, and showing himself unworthy of the vote.


NL Rookie of the Year: Jaime Garcia
One of the best rooke crops in years. Jason Heyward (.849 OPS, 18 HRs, 72 RBI), Ike Davis (.791, 19, 71) and Gabby Sanchez (.788, 19, 85) all could have won the award in other years with a weaker class. I'm even impressed with Atlanta relief pitcher Jonny Venters who had a 1.95 ERA in 83 innings. But Jaime Garcia finished 4th in the NL with a 2.70 ERA and his 13-8 record making his pitching performance more remarkable than any of the above mentioned hitters.



AL Rookie of the Year: Austin Jackson
The pickings are slimmer in the American League so I am going with Jackson over his teammate Brennan Boesch and Rays pitcher Wade Davis. His .745 OPS doesn't impress me (10 3Bs but only 4 homers) but his 27 steals in only 33 attempts certainly adds to his resume. Jackson's 3.6 WAR is also much better than Boesch and Davis, showing his contributions in other areas.



Manager of the Decade: Buck Showalter
The Orioles were 34-23 with Showalter as the manager and 32-73 with other guys. Enough said.

The Funniest Moment of Chase's Life

Chase was given, by Step on Me, cars from "Cars" that change color when really cold, and change back when really hot. And they don't change at room temperature so if you put McQueen, Doc Hudson and Ramone in the freezer, they stay that color until they get hit with hot water.
Mrs. Poop was lent, by her friend, a baby scale to track Julian's weight, especially important during the first few weeks when he was not gaining enough.
Mem was visiting, and she loves to take pictures.
Ok, now the stage is set for the funniest moment of Chase's life.
Mrs. Poop weighed Julian, then fed him, then weighed him again to show her parents the difference, you can literally see that he ate 2 or 3 ounces.
While Julian was naked on the scale, Mem thought it a great opportunity for a picture.
Julian thought it a great opportunity to urinate all over.



Now that's pretty funny. Funnier still, Chase's color change cars were in the line of fire, and when doused with Julian's hot pee they changed color.
Now I wasn't there for this, but I am told Chase laughed long and hard about this. When I got home, and during subsequent retellings of the story, this is Chase's version:

"Julian was on the scale, and they were scaling him and he peed. And we laughed. Like this 'ha ha ha ha ha ha'".

Brett Favre Sends Pictures of His Dick to Jenn Sterger

We all love Jenn Sterger. We did the moment we laid eyes on her gigantic boobs when she was just a college student at Florida State letting her boobs hang out for the cameras to try to get noticed.



Well, it worked, she turned that 5 second shot during an FSU game into a career. That career led her to work as a sideline reporter (sort of) for the New York Jets.
It was during that time that Brett Favre noticed what all of had seen for years.
He asked the Jets PR guy to get him her number. He did. Favre then called and invited Sterger to his hotel room. He left her MySpace messages. And he sent her pictures of his cock.



If you want to see the entire story in 2 minutes check out the video made by Deadspin, which broke this story. I stress 2 minutes, because if you watch for more than 2 minutes you will see Brett Favre's cock. Or at least it somebody's cock. We think it's Brett Favre's because we're pretty sure it is his voice on the voice messages. And we're pretty sure the watch he's wearing in one of the pictures is the same watch he wore during one of his retirement press conferences.




So I guess the point is Brett Favre is a scumbag. Jenn Sterger is good for not taking him up on his offer but bad for sharing the story and the pictures and voicemails with Deadspin. I believe every word and I am not the least bit surprised.

Weekly Picks

First solid week of the season. As long as I keep nailing my best bets I'll be ok.

CAROLINA -1 1/2 chicago
There are four winless teams in the NFL this year. All four of them are favored. No way that will ever happen again in week 5.

philadelphia +3 SAN FRANCISCO
If one of the winless teams is going to win, at least one of them is going to lose. For some reason people don't think they 49ers are as putrid as the others (Bills, Lions) but people are writing off the Eagles without Vick. I think Kolb will do enough to win this game.

green bay -2 1/2 WASHINGTON
I've been searching all over the internet and I still can't find the story about Aaron Rodgers's right arm being severed. So if that's not the case I do not understand how the Packers are not bigger favorites over the team with the 31st ranked defense.

atlanta -3 CLEVELAND
This spread also seems low to me. I really like the Falcons and the Browns won last week. I love to pick against bad teams coming off a win.

BEST BET
INDIANAPOLIS -7 kansas city
I've had some success so far this season picking a desperate team against a team off to a surprisingly good start (Cowboys over Texans and Giants over Bears) even laying points. This time the spread is half a point too big but I'm rolling the dice with it anyway.

Last week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 8-12 (10 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (3-1)
Home Favorites: 1-2 (1-4)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (3-6)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (3-2)

Josh Hamilton Watches the Fox Business Network

Josh Hamilton was already one of my favorite players in baseball before he started watching Fox Business Network in the locker room.

One of the Most Historic Nights in Baseball History...and I Missed It

While Roy Halladay was making baseball history by pitching a no-hitter in his first playoff start, I was at Chase's preschool listening to Miss Rosanne prattle on about her methods of teaching children to play with toys.
While she was pointing at us with her crooked finger (so freaky) Roy Halladay was joining Don Larsen as the only two pitchers to pitch no-hitters in a the playoffs.

Note: Larsen had two big things over Halladay: his was a perfect game, and it came in the World Series.

Halladay also becomes only the 5th pitcher in history to pitch two no-hitters in the same year. He joins Nolan Ryan, Virgil Truck and Johnny Vander Meer.

Note: Vander Meer pitched his no-hitters in consecutive games. That's the most unbreakable record in all of sports. No way anyone ever pitches three no-hitters in a row.

2010 could go down as the best year ever for no-hitters. Halladay's no-no was only the 6th this year (1990 & 1991 both had 7, including two on the same day) but this season had two perfect games and a playoff no-hitter. And it comes in a hitter's era.




This reminds me of something that happened 24 years ago. Master Bates and I were at Back to School Night and Wagner High School for Poop On Me during Game 6 of the 1986 NLCS, often called the best game ever played. The principal, Ralph Musco was giving updates, and eventually we went home with a neighbor to catch the game starting in the 14th.

Even Her Family Couldn't Clap and Say "Good Answer, Good Answer!" For This One

Best Family Feud answer ever. Steve Harvey was dumbfounded. I love how he stayed quiet for like a minute, and as soon as she broke the silence he yelled at her. Penis! Hilarious. I think this lady may have been taking the attention away from her awful family member. What the fuck is a para-educator? Paralegal, parallel, even para-Olympics is better than para-educator. So this lady knew they weren't going to win (she needed 177 points) so she just thought she'd have a funny moment and yell out "penis" when asked to name a body part men say is bigger than when they were 16.

2010 Baseball Playoff Predictions

NLDS
Phillies over Reds in 4
Giants over Braves in 5

ALDS
Yankees over Twins in 3
Rays over Rangers in 4

NLCS
Phillies over Giants in 5

ALCS
Yankees over Rays in 7

World Series
Phillies over Yankees in 6

World Series MVP
Roy Halladay

Please post your picks in the comments section

Song of the Week

"Waist Down" - Rome
One of the most obscure songs ever. I have been looking for it for years and never found it on youtube. Just a magnificent smooth, sexy R&B song. Love it.



Note: I accidentally posted this dated 9/2 but I'm not sure if anyone actually saw it. If you did, listen again.

Is There a Lot of Dry Air in Chicago?

Check out this story on bed bugs from CBS 2 in Chicago.



I can sympathize with this women. I really can. I know what it's like to have dry, hard boogers in your nose. You need to clean house but there is a TV camera and a person talking to it a few feet away. I understand all that. But eating it is where she lost me. She needed to flick it onto the floor and pretend nothing happened.

But good for CBS for exercising their copyright and removing this video from youtube. If you're going to stand in the way of content sharing, doing it to protect an employee from worldwide embarrassment is a pretty good reason.

The NFL is Poop - Week 4

Revenge is Sweet
The big story in the NFL this week is unquestionably the return of Donovan McNabb to Philadelphia. McNabb got a warm greeting from the fans at first which was nice, but got booed once the game started, which was expected. McNabb completed only 8 passes, but two of those were big ones, a 31-yarder TD to Chris Cooley, and a 56-yarder to Anthony Armstrong which would have been a TD had it been better thrown and Armstrong didn't fall down. He did get one more cheer from the crowd, when he overthrew a wide open Fred Davis. All week McNabb tried to downplay how badly he wanted revenge. Even in the postgame interview he told Pam Oliver it was all about team. But FOX had cameras in the locker room. He got the game ball and he did talk about the team, but he did let this slip "everybody makes mistakes, and they made a big one last year." Glad he's angry, I wish he had played better but I'm thrilled we won.



Karma Bites
Very seldom does anything I wish to happen actually happen. So seeing Michael Vick walk off the field with an injury and not return was a welcome sight for me. I just wish Jeffrey Lurie would have come down from the owner's box and done to Vick what Vick used to do to injured dogs. Pick him up and slam him into the ground, or against a wall until he died.



A Long Way To Go
The Redskins are tied for first place, and with a 2-0 division record they have a leg up on the Eagles and Giants. But there are still a lot of problems with this team. Once again, they built a big lead and couldn't add to it. Forget about scoring more points, they couldn't even make a first down to keep the Eagles off the field. And the defense was atrocious. Kolb was killing them with screens to McCoy and Celek and stupid Jim Haslett stuck with his zone defense which was getting picked apart. If Vick hadn't been hurt the Redskins lose. If the Eagles avoided a few other mistakes, penalties (dumb one at the end of the first half) and the like, the Redskins lose that game. And now we have an even bigger problem, the schedule gets tougher.

Next Week's Revenge
The Redskins play the Green Bay Packers and I hope we continue to avenge the mistreatment of animals by getting revenge on the owner of this dog for forcing it to wear a ridiculous cheesehead.



Great Fuckin Play By Roddy White
For years Don Beebe has been praised (rightfully so) for his play in the Super Bowl where he chased Leon Lett and stripped the ball right before Lett scored. That was a nice play, but it meant the Bills lost by 35 instead of 42. Roddy White made a similar play (click here to watch) but this one actually saved a game.
Nate Clements intercepted a pass with a minute-30 left in the game and the 49ers up by 1. He decided to run the ball back and was stripped. An incredible play by White is the difference between being 3-1 and 2-2.

Giants and Jets Bring the Pain
A good day for the New York teams as the Jets destroyed the Buffalo Bills 38-17. The Giants dominated the Bears 17-3, sacking Jay Cutler 9 times in the first half alone before knocking him out with a concussion. The Giants still look weak in spots, but the Jets are dominating and they should have beaten the Ravens and Week 1 and be undefeated right now.

The Last Unbeaten
Raise your hands if you had the Kansas City Chiefs being the last team with a zero in the loss column. The Bears and Steelers losing gives the idle Chiefs that title which they will lose next week on the road against the Colts.

Three Late Field Goals
The Jaguars, Saints and Falcons all kicked late field goals to win games. All of these results are puzzling to me. Shouldn't the Falcons and Saints have done more than eke out victories over the 49ers and Panthers? And what the hell is wrong with the Colts. They can't stop anyone, especially not on the ground. The Saints and Colts have a lot of work to do before they get back to the Super Bowl.

Picture of the Week
Interesting celebration between Correll Buckhalter and Daniel Graham. Looks like Buckhalter is sucking his dick, and Graham is gently guiding the back of his head.

Asian Flight Attendants Dance to the Music of Lady Gaga and Katy Perry

Watch the flight attendants aboard Cebu Airlines spice up the pre-flight safety announcements with a little dance number.



I actually wasn't too impressed with the video but since 6 million people watched it in the past week I figured it was worth passing along.
These chicks don't hold a candle to my man Dave the Rapping flight attendant.

Baseball is Poop

The Dangers of Hitting Home Runs in the Steroid Era
Poor Jose Bautista. The guy hits 54 home runs, more than triple his previous season high and no one believes him. Ok, there are a few naive saps who point to his swing, and his unimpressive body (which hasn't undergone major changes) and herald him as the next great clean home run king. This is what the steroid era has done. We have no proof not even circumstantial evidence linking him to steroids other than a sudden drastic improvement in performance. Throughout the history of baseball, long before steroids were involved players drastically outperformed their previous career highs, but because Bautista is doing it now, he's viewed with a jaundiced eye. No one can say he's juiced, but no one can say he isn't, and no one wants to get fooled again.



A Fitting Tribute
The Toronto Blue Jays said goodbye (again) to the greatest manager in their history. Cito Gaston led the team to back-to-back World Series titles in 1992 and 1993 and returned for a swan song in 2008 to save the franchise from the disastrous John Gibbons era. At the last home game of the season Gaston was honored before the game and with signs throughout the ballpark. He was even treated to a post-victory Gatorade bath.



But the best tribute of all came from Travis Snider. Snider used eye black to create a faux Cito mustache. And homered while wearing it.



Where was Ramon Castro When the Lights Went Out?
In the dark silly. Former Mets catcher Ramon Castro was at bat for his new team, the Chicago White Sox, in new Comiskey Park (that's Kaminsky to you Mr. Obama) when all of the sudden most of the stadium lights when out.



Sometimes the Worst Trades Are the Ones You Never Make
If you believe the rumors, and you might as well, the Mets could have traded Oliver Perez to the Cubs at the trading deadline for Carlos Zambrano. But the Mets insisted the Cubs take Luis Castillo too. The Mets didn't want to take on any extra money (between $6 and $8 million, I think). Since then Zambrano is 7-0 with a 1.48 ERA.

This is What You Get When You Ignore Rules Prohibiting Fraternization

Jacksonville Jaguars player Kassim Osgood was pistol whipped by an intruder, an ex-boyfriend of his current girlfriend, Mackenzie Putnal.
Osgood is 30, Putnal is 19, and a ROAR Jaguars cheerleader. Their relationship violates NFL rules against players and cheerleaders dating, but that's the least of their problems.
Osgood and Putnal were watching TV in her parents house. The ex, Julian (that's unfortunate) Bartletto barged in with a gun and said "I can't believe you're with this guy."


He pistol whipped them both and somehow in the struggle Osgood was able to get alone in a room. He barricaded the door with a chair then jumped out the window, onto the balcony and down to safety.
That left his girlfriend alone with the gunman. Somehow she was able to get a gun of her own. She shot at him, he shot at her, they both missed and somehow everyone came out unharmed.
Except for the dog, he got pistol-whipped too.
Except for their relationship, I can't imagine Putnal can feel safe in the arms of a guy fled the scene, leaving her behind to defend herself against an armed intruder.
Except for Bartletto who faces several charges including battery, burglarly and violating a restraining order.
And especially harmed in all this are the NFL rules. Although pretty much every NFL cheerleader would be willing to give up her low-paying job (roughly $50 a game) for the chance to fuck an NFL baller, maybe get pregnant, maybe get married.
Hey, it worked for Christy Cooley. This hot piece of ass got fired from the Redskinettes for fucking Chris Cooley, now she is the star of the NFL's ad campaign to market licensed apparel to women.

Story suggested by Billy

Weekly Picks

Still have trouble picking games but treading water thanks to another best bet, probably the easiest one I'll get all season.

baltimore +1 1/2 PITTSBURGH
Let's see Charlie Batch do that against a real defense.

NEW YORK GIANTS -4 chicago
A desperate team versus a lucky team. Luck runs out sometimes.

PHILADELPHIA -5 1/2 washington
I hate picking Redskins games but this is my least favorite player against my favorite team. Judging by my past history there's no way this is going to work out.

NEW ORLEANS -13 1/2 carolina
They have to figure this thing out eventually, don't they?

BEST BET
new york jets -5 BUFFALO
This seems like a game the Jets normally lose. But the Bills look so bad I just can't see the Jets of the last two weeks playing a close game with them.


Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 5-10 (6 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (2-1)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (0-2)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (2-6)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (2-2)

Song of the Week

"Statistics" - Lyfe Jennings
I love statistics, and I love Lyfe Jennings, so of course this song is perfect for me

The NFL is Poop - Week 3

Three Undefeated Teams Left
All four remaining unbeatens are somewhat surprising. Maybe the least surprising is the Pittsburgh Steelers because their defense is so good. But without Ben Roethlisberger most people expected one or two losses from this early stretch. Dennis Dixon’s injury forced the Steelers to Charlie Batch who probably played the best game of his career in a win over Tampa Bay. The Bears had big expectations last year and they sucked. This season they had no expectations and they’re looking pretty good. They got lucky to beat Detroit in Week 1, and their offensive line got turnstiled in Week 2 by Dallas and then they got bailed out by penalties against Green Bay, but they pulled out all 3 games, and that’s all that matters.



And the Kansas City Chiefs are our final and most shocking unbeaten. They got lucky to beat San Diego squeaked by Cleveland then dominated San Francisco. But they have some features of a winning team. They play excellent defense, they have an exciting playmaker (McCluster) and a coach who is not afraid to take chances, using an awesome fake reverse flea flicker for a touchdown. The schedule gets a lot tougher after the bye, with the Colts and Texans on the road, but in a weak division, they could win 9 games and make the playoffs.

The Saints Should Be On That List
The defending Super Bowl Champs have not played well yet this season, but they too, should be 3-0. Garrett Hartley missed a 29-yarder in overtime against the Falcons to cost the Saints the game. Another kicker/goat, Sebastian Janikowski missed a 32-yarder with no time left to cost the Raiders a game against the Cardinals. Hartley’s probably going to get cut but Janikowski makes so much money ($4 million for a kicker?) I don’t think the Raiders can let him go.



Distressing Redskins Stat I
Over the past three seasons the Rams are 2-1 against the Redskins. And they are 2-30 against everyone else.

Distressing Redskins Stat II
The Redskins are being outscored 22-0 in 4th quarter and overtime so far this year. When you include touchdowns scored by the Texans and Rams late in the 3rd quarter here’s what you get. The Redskins getting out to a 56-31 lead, then giving up 36 straight points late in games. And Donovan McNabb who has been blasted for not making plays late in games has a QB rating of 100 for the first 3 quarters, and 60.9 rating in the fourth.

This Couldn’t Come at a Worse Time
And now Donovan heads to Philadelphia to get booed lustily by the drunken Philadelphia morons. And not only that, their beloved dog killer is playing like an MVP, the best he’s ever played in his NFL career. I watched Vick against the Jaguars and he was flinging it all over the field, perfect throws. Maybe he really has figured some things out and matured. Maybe he just has some good playmakers with Maclin and Jackson. Maybe it’s some other reason, but man does he look good so far.

He Should Have Just Picked Up The Flags
An embarrassing moment for referee Carl Cheffers as he tries to explain three penalties on the same play. Worst part is, they all offset, as if nothing ever happened, except his unending humiliation.

It's Huge, It's Showy, It's Obnoxious...It's Perfect

Everyone agrees the giant monument for George Steinbrenner unveiled at Yankee Stadium is too big. It's narcissitic. It's ostentatious. Which makes it a perfect tribute to George Steinbrenner. Only in his mind was he more worthy of praise than Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle.

I Haty Katy

Nearly 2 years ago we debated the bangability of Katy Perry and as the lone dissenter I completely nailed her personality. She's the insecure girl who was never the prettiest and still feels like the teenage girl who never got asked to the prom by the cute boy. Literally.

At a recent performance at her high school Perry called out a guy in the audience for never dating her in high school.



She leaves high school to have great success in music but the only thing on her mind is embarrassing her high school crush. Poor Shane Lopes. She never accused him of picking on her or doing anything mean. He just happened to like Amanda Wayne more. She was probably hotter then, and she's probably hotter now. By the way, Lopes and Wayne are still together.

Now Perry's insecurities are manifesting themself in an unproductive way once again. Perry taped a song, an adaptation of her "Hot N Cold" for Sesame Street. She appeared with Elmo, with her boobs hanging out.



It's a very nice song, and a cute little segment. Or at least it would have been had it not been pulled from the show before it even aired. Now I don't condone oversensitive babies especially not when it comes to their fear of boobies, but I do place the blame with Katy here. Why can't for 5 minutes she put her boobs aside and wear something appropriate for Sesame Street. Everyone can look at that outfit and say something else would have been more appropriate.

I saw an interesting interview with a producer of Sesame Street who explained the reasoning behind booking Katy. She explained Sesame Street works best when parents watch it with their kids, she called it "co-viewing" and its preferrable to plopping your kids in front of the set. So the show is constantly trying to book current acts to get parents, especially young parents to get involved with their kids.

It sounded like a great plan until Katy Perry's narcissism and insecurities (they sound opposite but they're not) got in the way.

Weekly Picks

Yikes!

detroit +10 1/2 MINNESOTA
Suh could put that old geezer in the hospital.

NEW ORLEANS -4 atlanta
Giving that stupid computer one more chance.

dallas +3 HOUSTON
Desperate teams sometimes pull off dramatic wins.

san francisco -2 1/2 KANSAS CITY
Another desperate team, this time facing a mirage.

BEST BET
pittsburgh -2 1/2 TAMPA BAY
Another mirage. Josh Freeman hasn't play a defense like this yet.


Last week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 3-7 (3 points)
Best Bets: 1-1 (0-1)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (0-1)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 0-2 (1-5)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (1-1)

KFC Wants to Put on Ad on Your Ass

KFC is paying college girls to show off their asses. It is paying hot college girls $500 to hand out coupons for a free Double Down (bacon and cheese between two pieces of chicken with no bun). And it's the bun thing they're seizing on the ad campaign. Or at least that's what they say. But we all know for advertising to be effective people have to see it.
And what place do people look more than the ass of a college girl?

Song of the Week

"Who Dat" - J. Cole
This song gets the honor solely based on the sample from "SpottieOttieDopaLiscious"

The NFL is Poop - Week 2

This is Why the NFL Stands for "Not For Long"
I can't figure this league out. The 49ers get smoked by Seattle then almost beat the Saints. Mark Sanchez looks afraid to throw a pass deeper than 5 yards, then he throws the ball like Tom Brady while Tom Brady throws the ball like Mark Sanchez. The Colts get destroyed by the Texans, then destroy the Giants. The Chargers looking terrible against the Chiefs then dominating the Jaguars. Atlanta went from 9 points, to 41. A lot of this seems to be home/road, but there's even more week-to-week discrepancy than we normally expect.

The Winner Is...Parity
The Jets, Bengals, Ravens and Patriots played a four-team round-robin the first two weeks. And all four teams are 1-1. The Jets lost to the Ravens but lost to the Pats, who beat the Bengals, who beat the Ravens. So what does that tell you? These same four teams played in the playoffs last year, Ravens over Pats and Jets over Bengals. These are 4 good teams in the AFC, and there's no way of telling who is better.

Suh Sacks Vick
The best play for me in Week 2 came when my favorite player in the NFL (Ndamukong Suh) sacked my least favorite player (Michael Vick).



The sack didn't help as Vick played a great game and the Eagles won 35-32. His performance over the past 6 quarters has some people thinking Vick has finally figured out the balance between passing and running that he needs to be a good QB. I'm not convinced.

The Worst Loss, Since the Last One
I would say the Redskins loss to the Houston Texans, 30-27 in overtime, was painful, but it's really no different than what I have become accustomed to. The Redskins had several plays if they could have just converted they would have won the game (the 4th and 10, the 2 missed field goals, all the plays on the last drive leading up to the overtime FG attempt) and they couldn't do make any of them. It is painfully similar to last year's game when they almost knocked off the undefeated Saints. Only difference here is they could have been 2-0 going into St. Louis before the schedule gets more difficult.

He's Still a Dick

Weekly Picks

The season started off on a pretty decent note, but when you drill deeper, I only went 2-3 and I got very lucky to get my best bet when the Bills took a safety to push the Dolphins past the number. Week 2 should be a little easier as we now have something of a read on the teams.

DETROIT +6 1/2 philadelphia
This pick is solely because of Michael Vick and Ndamukong Suh. I hate Vick, think he can't throw accurately. I expect Suh to sack him three times. I also am not all that concerned about Shaun Hill replacing Stafford. I think the Lions will get 100 yards out of Best and keep the game close.

arizona +6 1/2 ATLANTA
Falcons offense looked inept, Matt Ryan is not looking so much like Matty Ice anymore. Plus I read about a computer simulation that has great success in accuarately picking games made this game the best bet of the week.

new england -3 NEW YORK JETS
I will pick against the overrated Jets and their shitty QB until the oddsmakers see what I see.

DALLAS -7 chicago
The Cowboys will bounce back and I have zero confidence in the Bears. I was looking for an 0-1 team guaranteed to beat a 1-0 team.

BEST BET
new orleans -5 1/2 SAN FRANCISCO
I believe in the arm of Drew Brees way more than the motivational tactics of Mike Singletary.

Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 2-3 (3 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (1-0)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (0-0)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-0)
Road Favorites: 1-3 (1-3)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (1-0)

Derek Cheater

The evil Derek Jeter fakes getting hit by a pitch -- and is awarded first base. The worst part is the next batter homered to give the Yankees the lead. But justince prevailed and the Yankees lost.

Not All Yankee Fans Are Bad People, But All Bad People Are Yankee Fans

A great New York Times article proves what I have been saying for years: Yankee fans are criminals.

You really should read the whole thing but if you have ADHD like Juice take away this one key piece of information: Since 2000, more than 100 people who have been suspects or persons of interest in connection with serious crimes in New York City wore Yankees apparel at the time of the crimes or at the time of their arrest or arraignment. Only about a dozen people in the same review were found to be wearing Mets gear


Two men and a woman broke into a locker at a Manhattan gym in February and stole credit cards, the first in a series of similar thefts.
Three months later, in May, a young man tried to rob a Chase bank in the Bronx armed with only a note, which he slipped to a teller. She read it and stepped away, and he fled empty-handed. Weeks later, in June, a gunman robbed a Family Dollar store in Queens.
Gym-locker heists, bank robberies, daylight holdups — these New York City crimes have only one thing in common, and it is not the culprits.
It is the Yankees caps they wore.



A curious phenomenon has emerged at the intersection of fashion, sports and crime: dozens of men and women who have robbed, beaten, stabbed and shot at their fellow New Yorkers have done so while wearing Yankees caps or clothing.
One of the three suspects in the gym break-ins wore a blue Yankees cap. A security camera photographed the man who tried to rob the Bronx bank, and though his face was largely obscured, his Yankees hat was clearly visible. The Queens robbery suspect was last seen with a Yankees cap on his head.
In some ways, it is not surprising that Yankees attire is worn by both those who abide by the law and those who break it. The Yankees are one of the most famous franchises in sports, and their merchandise is widely available and hugely popular.
But Yankees caps and clothing have dominated the crime blotter for so long, in so many parts of the city and in so many types of offenses, that it defies an easy explanation. Criminologists, sports marketing analysts, consumer psychologists and Yankees fans have developed their own theories, with some attributing the trend to the popularity of the caps among gangsta rappers and others wondering whether criminals are identifying with the team’s aura of money, power and success.
Since 2000, more than 100 people who have been suspects or persons of interest in connection with serious crimes in New York City wore Yankees apparel at the time of the crimes or at the time of their arrest or arraignment. The tally is based on a review of New York Police Department news releases, surveillance video and images of robberies and other crimes, as well as police sketches and newspaper articles that described suspects’ clothing. No other sports team comes close.
The Mets, forever in the shadow of their Bronx rivals, are perhaps grateful to be losing this one: only about a dozen people in the same review were found to be wearing Mets gear.
“It’s a shame,” said Chuck Frantz, 57, the president of the 430-member Lehigh Valley Yankee Fan Club in Pennsylvania. “It makes us Yankees fans look like criminals, because of a few unfortunate people who probably don’t know the first thing about the Yankees.”
The Yankees organization declined to comment for this article.
Antisocial behavior has no dress code; people wear what they please when they please, whether they are going to see a movie or going to rob a bank. And in New York City, that often means Yankees attire, regardless of the hour or the season.
In April 2008, on the day after the Boston Red Sox defeated the Yankees in the Bronx, a man in a Yankees cap robbed a bank about a mile from Yankee Stadium. The woman who robbed a Manhattan bank on July 7 was diplomatic in her clothing choices: she wore an orange Mets cap and a gray Yankees T-shirt.
Three gunmen burst into an apartment in Washington Heights on July 23, bound the hands and feet of the tenants and left with cash. A surveillance video released by the police and broadcast on television showed one of the suspects in a Yankees cap — one of the most iconic brands in sports represented, however briefly, by someone accused of helping tie up a 9-year-old girl.
In 2007, after activists protested the sale of Yankees caps that bore the colors and symbols associated with three gangs, Major League Baseball’s official cap manufacturer pulled the headwear, and the Yankees said in a statement that they were unaware of the caps’ symbolism.
Yankees caps have even played a central role in a few crimes. One day in 2003, a fight over a missing Yankees cap broke out between two brothers in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. One brother, an ex-convict, ended up stabbing and killing the other.
One criminologist said the trend might be a result of what could be called the Jay-Z effect.
The rapper Jay-Z has worn a Yankees cap for years — on his album covers and in his videos — and has helped turn the cap into a ubiquitous fashion accessory for urban youths (“I made the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can,” he boasts in one song).
Criminals might be wearing Yankees merchandise not because they are fans of the team, but because they are fans of the cocked-hat look popularized by Jay-Z and other rappers, said the criminologist, Frankie Y. Bailey, an associate professor at the University at Albany, who is writing a book about the role of clothing and style in criminal cases.
“He wears it and makes it look cool,” Ms. Bailey said of Jay-Z and the cap. “It’s almost like the Yankees have acquired a kind of street rep, a coolness.”
It is but one of several theories. Sports marketing analysts say it is a matter of numbers: the Yankees sell more merchandise than any other baseball team. As of August, they hold a 25.13 percent market share of nationwide sales of merchandise licensed by Major League Baseball, with the Red Sox second at 7.96 percent and the Mets seventh at 5.32 percent, according to SportsOneSource, a firm that tracks the sporting goods industry.
For criminals outside New York, the team’s caps and clothing are nearly as popular.
The man who robbed a Chase branch in a Chicago suburb in May wore a Yankees cap. In July, a young man in a Yankees cap assaulted an 81-year-old woman in her home, about 2,800 miles from Yankee Stadium, in Seattle.
“Why people pick the Yankees over the Mariners, I don’t know,” said Detective Mark Jamieson, a Seattle police spokesman. “It just happened to be an article of clothing he was wearing on that particular day.”
And Yankees caps hold a distinguished place in the annals of crime: the man who robbed more banks than anyone else in American history wore one. Edwin Chambers Dodson, known as the Yankee Bandit because he wore a Yankees cap and sunglasses during most of his holdups, robbed 72 banks in Southern California in the early 1980s and the late 1990s.
Mr. Dodson, who died in 2003, was a fan of the team. “We did everything we could to get this guy,” said William J. Rehder, 69, a retired special agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation who was the longtime coordinator of bank robbery investigations in the Los Angeles area.
Mr. Rehder not only named the Yankee Bandit, but helped put him behind bars twice. “I couldn’t figure out why he was so lucky,” he said. “I didn’t attribute anything to the cap, but I’m sure he did.”
Mr. Rehder, now a security consultant in Los Angeles, is a Dodgers fan. Nevertheless, he keeps an old, worn Yankees cap on a shelf in his office at home. Mr. Rehder never wears it. It belonged to the Yankee Bandit.

Song of the Week

"Down 4 My" - Snoop Dogg featuring C-Murda and Magic
The best post-Doggystyle Snoop song
Not advisable to listen to this at work without the aid of headphones

My New Career Path

Federal agents are seeking to hire Ebonics translators to help interpret wiretapped conversations involving targets of undercover drug investigations.
The Drug Enforcement Administration recently sent memos asking companies that provide translation services to help it find nine translators in the Southeast who are fluent in Ebonics.
Ebonics, which is also known as African American Vernacular English, has been described by the psychologist who coined the term as the combination of English vocabulary with African language structure.
"A lot of times people think you're just dealing with a few slang words, and that you can finesse your way around it," said John Rickford, a Stanford University linguistics professor. "And it's not — it's a big vocabulary. You'll have some significant differences" from English.
"You can maybe get a general idea of what they're saying, but you have to understand that this has to hold up in court," he said. "You need someone to say, 'I know what they mean when they say 'ballin' or 'pinching pennies.'"

Here is my quick Ebonics to English dictionary. I specialize in contractions/truncated words.

Nahmean - Do you know what I mean?
Tryna - Trying to
I'ma - I am going to
Geet? - Did you eat?
Namaste - Nah, I'm going to stay

The NFL Is Poop - Week 1

It Was a Catch
The most controversial call of Week 1 was ruled correctly. Calvin Johnson of the Lions did not maintain possession of the ball all the way to the ground. That's the rule and Johnson clearly didn't do that. The reason the rule is written that way is to remove any gray area. They don't want refs to have to judge whether he was bobbling it as he hit the ground. The rule is, if you are falling down you have to have possession all the way to the ground. He did not. Correct call. Lions lose, again.



I'd Rather Be Lucky Than Good
All things considered a terrible performance by the Redskins but a win is a win, especially over the Cowboys. They couldn't get any kind of offense going and would have lost if Wade Phillips were not a complete idiot. Al Michaels was 100% right. That end of the half play should have been a Hail Mary or a kneel down. Great play by D'Angelo Hall. The Redskins now have more defense and special teams TDs than they did all of last year.
And on that last play of the game, the holding absolutely had to be called. It was too blatant to be ignored. Thankfully.

Let's Not Start Sucking Each Other's Dicks Just Yet
While the Jets will certainly be the most entertaining team this season, starting with the second best season of "Hard Knocks" ever (you can't beat the original), they may not be a very good team. Their offense is terrible. Mark Sanchez seems to be afraid to give plays time to develop. It seems like his first look is for a back running a flare route. Unless he gives the offense at least something of a downfield threat, the defense (which is still superb) will likely only be able to carry the Jets to a 8-8 season.
And contrary to popular opinion Antonio Cromartie did not commit more penalties than he has kids. He has 8 kids, he knows 5 of their names, and got flagged four times.

What's Wrong with The Colts?
The jinx of the Super Bowl runner-up? Could they really miss the playoffs this year, while Peyton Manning is still alive? They looked horrible on defense against the Texans, allowing Arian Foster (who took him in your fantasy draft?) to rush for 231 yards. The Texans are now 2-15 all-time against the Colts.

The Eagles and Michael Vick Deserve Each Other
Idiot Eagles fan (redundant I know) are now in love with Michael Vick. Sure, the guy played well Sunday and Kevin Kolb played poorly. But you can't throw a promising young QB under the bus after only a half of football. And you can't forget that Vick is not a good passer. When he tucks and runs like he did on Sunday yes, he can be great. When he has to be a pocket passer he is erratic, tentative and just plain bad. But considering what a despicable human being he is there is no fan base more likely to embrace him than the Eagles'. Some of them even want Donovan McNabb back.

Jets Throw Passes at Girls with Big Asses

The New York Jets spent the weekend sexually harrassing TV Azteca reporter Ines Sainz, a Poop favorite.
Sainz appeared at Jets practice for a story on Mark Sanchez.
Defensive backs coach Dennis Thurman purposely overthrew passes so that they landed by her.
All-time sleazebag Jason Taylor offered to work out with the defensive backs to be near her.
The worst likely happened when she went to the locker room. She was the victim of catcalls, inappropriate comments, blatant ogling, and players even blocked her way as she tried to walk.
Sainz tweeted that she wanted to "cover my ears" and "I'm dying of embarrassment."
She also felt the need to defend her own attire and behavior.



"Jeans and a white button-up blouse [are] in no way inappropriate."

Funny or Douchey?

I took a bunch of grapes to work with me and sent her this picture saying my hand was swollen.

Song of the Week

"New York New York" - Ryan Adams
This video was shot a few days before the September 11th attacks.

Weekly Picks

Back for another season. Week 1 is always difficult because we really don't know how teams will play. And neither do the oddsmakers so there are a lot of close spreads.

dallas -3 1/2 WASHINGTON
I really have no confidence in the Redskins this season and they always do poorly against the Cowboys, especially on Sunday/Monday night.

san francisco -3 SEATTLE
I think the Seahawks have the chance to be very very bad this season. I like the 49ers defense even though their offense is probably the equal to Seattle's.

baltimore +2 1/2 NEW YORK JETS
I hate the Jets this year. I think they are incredibly overrated and really bad on offense. I also don't even see their defense being as good this year as it was last year.

indianapolis -2 HOUSTON
The Colts always have bad preseasons then turn it on once the games start to count. I like the Texans this year but not against the Colts. They never beat the Colts.

BEST BET
miami -3 BUFFALO
Buffalo can quite possibly be the worst team in the NFL this year. The Dolphins, while not spectacular will do enough to win this game by at least a touchdown.

The Real Life Tanaka

Check out this catch from Japan. This guy is clearly a big fan of Major League 2, as he does his best Tanaka impression.

2010 NFL Season Predictions

AFC East: New England Patriots
AFC North: Baltimore Ravens
AFC South: Indianapolis Colts
AFC West: San Diego Chargers
AFC Wild Cards: Miami Dolphins, Houston Texans
AFC Conference Championship: San Diego Chargers over Indianapolis Colts

NFC East: Dallas Cowboys
NFC North: Green Bay Packers
NFC South: New Orleans Saints
NFC West: San Francisco 49ers
NFC Wild Cards: Minnesota Vikings, Atlanta Falcons
NFC Conference Championship: Green Bay Packers over Minnesota Vikings
Super Bowl: San Diego Chargers over Green Bay Packers

Offensive Player of the Year: Aaron Rodgers
Defensive Player of the Year: Patrick Willis
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Ryan Matthews
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Ndamukong Suh
Comeback Player of the Year: Jason Campbell
Coach of the Year: Jim Schwartz

What Do You Give Me For? Julian at 1 Month and Chase at 1 Month

What do you give me for Julian at 1 month and Chase at 1 month?

Heidi Montag Must Be Crazy

"My boobs are crushing me."
And with that Heidi Montag says she wants her size G breast implants removed and she wants to go down to a more modest size, D or DD.
I really can't see why. She looks awesome with those giant cans. Get them removed and she'll blend in with the rest of the over-jugged freak shows in LA.

Song of the Week

"Taking Everything" - Gerald Levert featuring Antoinette Roberson

"Five years two kids and a dog
Boy I cooked for you even cleaned your dirty drawers"

That line fits perfectly but nothing else does, I swear.